Last night, we all begrudgingly watched the 77th Golden Globes, officially kicking off the two-month long headache that is awards season. As always, the show was… whatever, with lots of shows and movies that you probably haven’t seen winning the awards. Don’t worry, we’ll do a full recap on all the highlights and lowlights in a bit, but for now it’s time to focus on what’s important: the red carpet. This year, Hollywood’s biggest stars paraded around in looks that ranged from stunning to stunningly bad. This red carpet really had it all: feathers, rhinestones, and Gwyneth Paltrow in a fully see-through Victorian gown. Yeah, idk either.
Here’s our breakdown of the best and worst looks from the 2020 Golden Globes red carpet, and if you disagree, I’ll see you in the comments. Drag me!
Worst: Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez has spent 20 years breaking the internet in gorgeous gowns, so I guess it was only a matter of time til she, well, f*cked it up, and I may be the only person brave enough to say it. Her dress looks like the Christmas poinsettia that my mom probably still hasn’t thrown away. Honestly, if J.Lo ever doesn’t know what to wear to one of these events, she should just throw on the jungle dress again. No one would complain!!
Best: Billy Porter
As has become tradition at every event he attends, Billy Porter said “f*ck gender norms” and shut down the red carpet. His sparkly white jacket with a full feather train is the exact amount of extra that I’m trying to bring in 2020. If you’re getting married this year, sorry, but I’m going to wear this and look better than you.
Worst: Taylor Swift
Taylor’s hair and makeup look great, and this is a pretty dress, but it looks like something I’d wear to a bridal shower, not the f*cking Golden Globes. However, the biggest joke of all was that Taylor Swift was at the Golden Globes not as Joe Alwyn’s plus-one, but because she was actually nominated… for Best Original Song from CATS.
Best: Ana de Armas
Ana de Armas was nominated for playing a woman who can’t stop puking in Knives Out, so I was hoping her look wouldn’t make me want to vom. She f*cking turned it out in this sparkly navy gown, so good for her. She has like five movies coming out this year, so she’s definitely one to watch.
Worst: Charlize Theron
To put it simply, Charlize Theron’s dress looks like it was inspired by the slime at the Kids Choice Awards. (I’m also getting slutty Jim Carrey in The Mask vibes.) Honestly, this dress would’ve been painful in any color (an exposed corset? Is this an unfinished Project Runway look?), but the choice to go with lime green is puzzling. Also, can we please, PLEASE not do capes on the red carpet anymore?
Best: Saoirse Ronan
Of all the people who showed up in dance recital rhinestones, Saoirse pulled it off the best. She looked classical and effortlessly beautiful, and she looks like she’s wearing a swipe of mascara and that’s it. The bitch.
Worst: Sofia Carson
We love Sofia, which makes this look all the more painful. This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts her: she took the top half of Ariana Grande’s fluffy pink top in the “Thank u, next” video (the one where she’s Elle Woods doing the Bend and Snap) and the bottom of a shower loofah. Really, loofah dresses should have never started, but since I can’t invent a time machine, they should have stopped last year. The hair didn’t help either… this reminds me of New Year’s Eve, when I tried to pin my hair up in a fake bob to look like a flapper, and it started falling out after one tequila shot.
Best: Kerry Washington
Olivia Pope don’t need no shirt! Minus the jewels that probably cost more than my parents’ house, this is the exact outfit I wore to every CEOs and corporate hoes mixer in college. I’m not mad about it.
Worst: Joey King
Joey King showed up in a couture look that’s like an optical illusion, but it didn’t quite trick us into liking it. Honestly, if she had just shown up dressed as Gypsy Rose Blanchard, I would’ve put her on the best-dressed list. Shame!
Best: Nicole Kidman
It feels like Nicole Kidman is nominated every single year, but she always looks great on the red carpet. Nicole is one of those people who can basically pull anything off, and she didn’t disappoint in this simple but stunning red gown.
Worst: Dakota Fanning
Dakota is one of the most beloved child stars, but I think she missed the memo that she’s no longer a child. This dress is pretty, but it looks like what the little girl wears to the fancy family Christmas party. I’m glad Dakota hasn’t become a mess like some other child stars, but she could stand to edge it up a little.
Stay tuned for our full Golden Globes 2020 recap, and like I said earlier, drag me in the comments.
Images: Getty Images (11)
Celebrities, they’re just like us! They get divorced. They abandon social media every so often after realizing how much people suck. They get caught talking sh*t…sort of. Oh, and they waste countless hours of their lives getting wine drunk every Monday and watching The Bachelor. Just, you know, probably with better wine. Who amongst the rich and famous has the same sordid reality TV tastes as you? All the ones you would expect, TBH. I’ll give you a guess: a whole lot of white women, and a few men who, at times, might as well be white women. Here are some celebrities who watch The Bachelor.
1. Allison Williams
It turns out The Bachelor franchise has produced at least one viable relationship: Allison Williams and her husband, Ricky Van Veen. They met at a Bachelor viewing party (why) and then got engaged at the same party just three years later (WHY). Wow. Can you imagine having to explain that to your children? “Mommy and Daddy fell in love while watching 13 blonde girls named Lauren get drunk and scream at each other in sequin ball gowns….for love.”
2. Anna Kendrick
This should come as no surprise, considering Anna Kendrick is still smack dab in the middle of her infinite campaign of being the most relatable celebrity of all time. She tweets weird things! She hates other people! She eats sh*tty food! She watches The Bachelor, and by extension, is also subject to countless SugarBearHair Vitamin ads.
Kaitlyn can do better. Like if my boyfriend left me for her, I'd get it. #TheBachelor
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) March 3, 2015
3. Ryan Reynolds
Always an entrepreneur, Ryan Reynolds managed to combine his (questionable) love for The Bachelor with some shameless self-promotion by live-tweeting the premiere of Ben Higgins’ seasons with the hashtag #DeadpoolOnTheBachelor. The Venn diagram of women who watch The Bachelor and women who love Ryan Reynolds is, in fact, a circle, so this was a wise move on his part.
4. Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer popped up on a group date episode during Kaitlyn’s seasons of The Bachelorette, which immediately earns her a place on this list. I can see her being the friend at the viewing party who pretends to hate it the entire season, but ends up crying during the finale when Peter Kraus has his heart broken into a million pieces on national television her favorite ends up going home.
5. John Mayer
John Mayer may be the most relatable person on this list of celebrities who watch The Bachelor because he harbors a crippling addiction to show but is physically incapable of watching an entire two hour episode. Honestly, this is the hottest take of 2018. Somebody call The Cut. They’re probably not too busy these days. His favorite part? Girls crying in helicopters. “If you get tears in flight, that is prime stuff.” What? Everyone has their kink.
6. Sarah Hyland
There are Bachelor fans, and then there are Bachelor Fans. Sarah Hyland has secured a lauded spot in the second category. Not by hosting some viewing parties amongst her friends or starting a Bachelor bracket in her office. Not even by being one of those people who own Bachelor-themed clothing (looking at you, Kaley Cuoco). No, Sarah Hyland has transcended all those benchmarks and snagged herself a Bachelor alum to date: the criminally under-appreciated during his season, Wells Adams. The two are cute as hell and we’re over here just wondering when Sarah is going to release her how-to book.
7. Adam Scott
Ben Wyatt watches The Bachelor and therefore you should watch The Bachelor. Furthermore, Ben Wyatt refuses to feel guilty about watching The Bachelor. You hear that, ladies? 2019 is the year we loudly and unapologetically rep the sh*tty things we love.
8. Dakota Fanning
I would have added Dakota Fanning to this list even without proof, solely because she looks like the epitome of a Bachelor fan. I hate to pigeonhole the poor thing, but I’m going to. Dakota Fanning likes The Bachelor. Dakota Fanning likes pumpkin spice lattes (but like….healthy ones). Dakota Fanning has a pair of UGGs in the back of her closet that she only breaks out on really desperate occasions because, f*ck it, it’s COLD. In short, we are all Dakota Fanning.
Images: Giphy (1); @AnnaKendrick47/ Twitter; @wellsadams/Instagram