Mars is shifting signs this week. This year, Mars hovered in Aquarius for, like, too long, causing a huge imbalance for some of us. But now that Mars is getting its sh*t together, the rest of us can too. During the next six weeks, we’ll pick better people to date, make better choices when ordering lunch, and probably start showing up to more things on time. Here are your weekly horoscopes for November 12-16.
Aries
Mars moves into a hidden part of your chart this week. That’s not ideal for you as it could bring on self-sabotaging behavior. Watch yourself pick more fights over stupid sh*t, hit snooze so many times you can’t shower before work, and you’ll definitely order another drink when you know you’ve had enough. Your motto this week should be “check yourself before you wreck yourself”—because you totally will. Wreck yourself, that is.
Taurus
A lot of planets are piling up in Capricorn this week, causing you to hold your ground. That stubborn Taurus side of you will really be on display. You won’t back down from arguments, even if they’re petty AF. The best thing for you to do is avoid people you know push your buttons. Sorry, family, I can’t take your calls this week because I actually want to be able to show my face at Thanksgiving. Thanks.
Gemini
Your passion is at an all-time high this week. Whether you’re out to save the whales, save the planet, or just score some good D, there’s not much anyone can do to stop you from getting what you want. Careful who you trample on your way to the top, Mercury in retrograde is right around the corner and you’ll be needing all the friends and good karma you can get.
Cancer
Your house of partnership is full of cosmic energy this week. You might think you’re becoming a stage 5 clinger because we’re entering cuffing seasons, but the planets really aren’t helping you out here. You’ll be checking your texts, monitoring who is watching your Insta stories, and generally thirst-trapping it up. Of course, you’re not casting a wide net, though. You’ve got your eyes on a very specific prize.
Leo
Thank goodness Mars is no longer opposite your sign, making you sort of bitchy. Now that it has moved, you’ll be a little more patient, kind, understanding, and empathetic. It’s probably best you buy your coworkers a round at happy hour this week to make amends for whatever passive-aggressive comments you made when you hit “reply all” to those emails during the last six weeks.
Virgo
Mars has moved opposite your sign, which isn’t the best news. Send out a mass text warning the troops that with Mars opposite your sign and Mercury about to be in retrograde, things for those around you could get brutal. I’m talking, like, Red Wedding brutal. Take deep breaths, exhausting workout classes, and probably a benzo or two to get you through this angsty time.
Libra
Over the next six weeks, you need to learn the art of delegation. You usually take on a lot of responsibility. Face it, when there’s a group project, you appoint yourself almost immediately and then complain the whole time when others aren’t contributing enough. Luckily, Venus in your sign will make you super charming so you can dole out the assignments, leaving you with little to do and all the credit to gain. It’s a win-win.
Scorpio
The Sun in your sign continues to make you charming, happy and admired. Most signs would enjoy the f*ck out of all the attention, but it can become too much for a Scorpio who loves her privacy. Don’t hesitate to put your needs first this month. Sure, everyone wants to know what you’re doing and where you are and who you’re with, but it’s your right as the birthday girl to be shady AF and do whatever you want, privately.
Sagittarius
Mars changing signs makes you friendly and easygoing this week. It’s okay to let others plan while you just go along for the ride. It’s not on you to make the dinner reservations, bachelorette party plans, or lead the group project. Sit back, relax and let someone else worry about the details for once in their freaking lives.
Capricorn
The planets piling up in your sign can send you on a power trip. You will crave leadership roles, control, and admiration in the week ahead. Let’s not get all butt-hurt when someone doesn’t give you the recognition you think you deserve though. There are limits to your influence and there’s nothing worse than being known as the girl who said: “Do you know who I am?” Anyone who has to say that is automatically the worst.
Aquarius
Like Cardi B, Mars makes money moves. The changing of signs for Mars moves it into your house of wealth and prosperity. That’s actually super convenient with the holidays right around the corner. Maybe now you can show up to Thanksgiving with a bottle of wine that costs more than six bucks and your friends won’t get another IOU for Christmas.
Pisces
Mars is on the move, but where did it go? Right into Pisces, that’s where. Mars makes you powerful and confident. It’s time to show the world what you are capable of. Make sure you tap into your true Pisces nature so that you don’t lose your sense of empathy and intuition around others as you’re on the way to the top. Steamroll challenges and roadblocks, not other people.
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It feels like January is crawling by. Like, is this month longer than all of 2017 combined? UGH. I’m about ready for a cocktail (I say to myself every day at 3pm). Most of the signs tackle some serious issues this weekend, like, big, life-changing stuff. Still, thank god for weekends, amirite?
Aries
The Sun entering Aquarius continues to turn your mind toward more social things. Shitty weather be damned. You’re getting out of the motherfucking house this weekend. Power past your emotional shit that might come up late Friday night. Blame your period or red wine if you ugly cry during the post-game this weekend.
Taurus
According to your weekend horoscope, your Friday-Sunday will be all about realizing things. Yes, cue Kylie Jenner’s 2017 resolution. While you’re busy this weekend living your life and not dwelling on shit, be prepared to receive random emotional clarity about where you stand with relationships, romantic and platonic.
Gemini
No one wants to be in the office on Friday, but if you simply can’t escape, don’t worry. A Moon-Saturn aspect is helping you get clear about where you’re headed in your career. If your day flies by and you’re honestly enjoying your job, this is the right path for you. If each and every Saturday can’t come soon enough, it’s a sign you should use this weekend to polish your resume and start looking for a new opportunity.
Cancer
If you really want to bond with someone this weekend, you should bring up some deep shit to talk about. It sounds weird, but if you feel like you haven’t been connecting with your best friend or boyfriend, it might be time to talk about the real existential issues like who’s the best Kardashian sister or what happens when you die.
Leo
The Sun entering Aquarius is great news for your partnership zone. And no, that’s not a code name for your vagina. A significant other or best friend will want to get closer to you. Work on dividing your time this weekend between everyone who reaches out to hang out with you. You never know when you could use a friend or lover.
Virgo
Ah, there’s some shit you’ve been meaning to say. This weekend might be the time to bite the bullet and just get it off your chest. If you can’t muster the fucking courage to tell your best friend that she’s dating human garbage, it might be time that you get the fuck over it and never bring it up. It’s like a “speak now or forever hold your peace” kind of thing.
Libra
It’s time to turn up the love in your life. The Sun entering Aquarius has you feeling a little more romantic, but that doesn’t mean you need to fall in love with some dude. It’s time you fall more in love with yourself. That sounds cliché and fucking dumb, but you’ll thank me later after you’ve invested in yourself.
Scorpio
It’s time to address some problems with a relationship you have. It’s best you just tell your roommate that you’re fucking tired of washing her dishes on Friday, so you don’t just fester in your hatred all weekend long. The Moon-Saturn aspect could turn a potentially tough conversation into a real heart-to-heart.
Sagittarius
The Sun in Aquarius means it has moved into a hidden part of your chart, so don’t be surprised if you’re not your usual self. Things in your life might seem a little confusing. Don’t worry, it won’t be long before you return to your general badassery. This is the weekend to just chill. Aren’t there like, a shitton of movies you been meaning to see? Do that this weekend, k?
Capricorn
Your money cycle is just ramping up as the Sun enters Aquarius. That can be great news if you’ve been working on a goal that’s going to help you rake in the cash. This weekend, don’t spend what you don’t have. It feels nice to celebrate, but make sure you celebrate within your limits so you’re not a total povo until next Friday’s paycheck.
Aquarius
A long-standing issue with your cash flow is soon to be over. Whether you’ve been looking for a new job or you’ve just had to slowly hack away at some bills, things are really looking up for you during the next four weeks. Keep up the schmooze game up this weekend. An influential person you run into while out and about could have a real impact on your future.
Pisces
Leave the past in the fucking past this weekend. The Sun transitioning through Aquarius over the next four weeks has you doing a lot of reflecting. Just don’t let that reminiscing turn into a late-night response to the “U Up” text from your ex. The thing about hindsight is that it can make things look more appealing than they actually are. Remember that your ex has a tiny dick and made you feel like shit. See, desire to text back: gone.
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