Summer is the one time of year we can get shit faced during daylight hours and actually get away with it. Okay, maybe like, Santacon and Coachella are exceptions, but you get the point. Poolside blackouts are one of the best parts of summer, and there’s nowhere a betch thrives more than at a sick darty. However, with all of the alcohol consumption before 3pm, it can be hard to binge drink without feeling bloated and gross. Here are some tips to make sure you can feel and look your best while still consuming an irresponsible amount of alcohol:
1. Avoid Salty Foods Beforehand
Everyone knows that an excessive amount of salt makes your body blow up the next day, so be careful with what you’re eating the night before and day of your drinking bender. That means saying no to the late-night diner munchies and avoiding the excessive soy sauce and spicy mayo you usually order with your sushi. Try to stick with more plain foods and you’ll see a huge difference. No one wants to give off the third trimester pregnancy vibe when they’re drinking on the beach.
2. Stay Away From Bubbly Chasers
Instead of chasing with your regular Coke Zero, stick with beverages that aren’t carbonated, like orange juice, or even better, a lemon slice. The carbon dioxide in carbonated drinks can cause gas from the fizz to get trapped in your stomach and make you super bloated, so you’re better off limiting them. If you’re at a party with no other options, suck it up and skip the chaser completely. We believe in you.
3. Sleep The Night Before
The night before a darty isn’t the time to pull an all-nighter or to stick around SL East until 4am trying to meet Scott Disick. Lack of sleep can totally fuck with your body the next day, specifically making you bloated and constipated. This is because when we don’t get enough sleep, our bodies release a stress hormone called cortisol, which can disturb your digestive system and make you look like shit the next day. Cancel your plans and get to bed.
4. Skip The Straw
This is a weird trick, but it’s actually been scientifically proven to work, so let’s go with it. Apparently using a straw can contribute to bloating because of the excess air you could be inhaling through the straw. Avoid drinking your drinks through a straw and it could really affect how you look and feel throughout the day. So consider this your scientist-approved reason to chug all your drinks.
5. Drink Tons Of Water
Staying properly hydrated is most likely the last thing on your mind when you’re taking tequila shots and drunkenly mumbling the “Despacito” lyrics, but it could help to keep a water bottle with you to remind yourself to drink water throughout the day. When your body gets dehydrated, it actually tends to retain water, so you could end up feeling more bloated because you don’t have enough water in you.
6. Eat Probiotics For Breakfast
The probiotic trend has taken over the health world recently, and it turns out it’s not just for aging mothers who are still hoping for a Jennifer Aniston-style turnaround. Probiotics are huge for gut health and help prevent bloating, and you don’t have to take a pill to get them in your system. Eat foods like yogurt, green peas, kimchi, and kefir before you start drinking. They’re filled with probiotics and will help keep your tummy under control considering what you’re putting it through.
7. Don’t Do Cardio That Morning
We’re all in favor of hitting up SoulCycle Montauk before you get your day started, but if you’re planning on drinking beer in a bikini all day, you might want to skip the intense cardio the morning of. When you do cardio, your body tends to retain water for a few hours afterwards as a natural response to the sweating and water depletion you’re putting it through during the workout. It will go away by mid-day, but just to be safe, I’d do the class the day before, or just do a strength training or toning workout instead.
Memorial Day Weekend is one hell of an underrated holiday. It kicks off the start of summer, you can eat all the hot dogs you want (which should be zero), and you’re daging until whenever it is you finally pass out, because day drinking is really fucking exhausting. Basically, it sets the standards for what this summer will bring. Will you throw up over the side of the boat? Or will you hook up with that guy you’ve had your eye on since college? It really can go either way and what you fucking wear is like, so important. Whether your plans involve partying on a motherfucking boat or reuniting with friends and family you haven’t seen in forever, your outfit needs to make one hell of an impression. Don’t show up to the BBQ wearing the same denim shorts and white crop top as the girl next you. You need to show everyone you are only getting hotter with each day and you are not a basic bitch (we both know you are but, just pretend, okay?). This is like, the pregame to Fourth of July but that doesn’t mean you need to wear a sparkly headband or face paint the fucking flag on your face to fake it. What are you, like, 5?
Wear these trendy AF things this weekend (yes, MDW is this weekend—plan accordingly with your shipping choices) so you can look somewhat patriotic and hot when you’re drunkenly chanting “U-S-A” and pretending to give a shit about ‘Murica.
6 Shore Road Yacht Club Dress
Instead of your typical short summer dress, go for one with a little length. The flowy dress is a lot of fun and makes for a perfect Boomerang on Insta. Pair with small wedges and an all white denim jacket if it gets chilly out. The back comes together with two small adjustable bows, and anything with bows is a winner in my book.
Draw The Line Crochet Top
Bring boho vibes with a crochet top and a pop of yellow in between some red, white, and blue. Keep it low-key with distressed high waisted denim shorts, white flip flops, or your comfiest sneakers. Wear fun earrings to add some attitude, a chic choker, and you’ll be shotgunning a beer with the guys in style—just please don’t say you’re “one of the guys” or that “girls are too much drama”.
Heartloom Willow Romper
Make it sexual and flirty with a crisp, white off the shoulder romper. Bring in other colors by pairing with a red clutch, red earrings, and blue heels. Just keep in mind that rompers are all fun and games until you have to pee and next thing you know, you’re naked on the toilet. If you drink enough, you won’t care eventually.
TAVIK Chase One-Piece Swimsuit
Hide your shish kebab bloat with a plunging color-blocked one piece. Wear a patriotic swimsuit you can get away with wearing during anytime in the summer. Add a floppy hat, strappy sandals, and funky sunglasses for a complete ‘Murica look.
Pistola Star Spangled Cut-Off Denim Jacket
Wear this frayed denim jacket over an American graphic tee for a casual, street style look. Pair them with white or red shorts, low-heel sandals and a striped crossbody. America, fuck yeah.
American Flag Sheer Poncho
This is for the girls who think it’s cute to wear an American flag like cape. Um, hello? This isn’t Halloween. You’re not Captain America—leave that to your drunk persona. Opt for a kimono or poncho that does the same thing but looks cuter and won’t have your uncle accusing you of disrespecting the flag when you post a pic of your outfit on Facebook. Throw over a distressed denim mini skirt or your bathing suit. Before the night is over, grab a sparkler and take a picture for the ‘gram. This is really Insta-worthy.
Half Boho Bandeau In Tribal Print
Instead of an obnoxious headband with like, fireworks falling out of it, find a red, white, and blue patterned wrap that has multiple uses. Wear it as a bracelet, scarf or a fucking bandeau if you want. This boho hair wrap is going to be the next scrunchie, just watch. I’m going to say I fucking told you so.
Lastly, after you figure out wtf you’re wearing, dress your beer in a cute drink sleeve because even your drink has to look good too. Score major brownie points by bringing cute drink floaties to share. Now, everyone will be able to play swimming flip cup in the pool, thanks to
me you. #MakeAmericaDrunkAgain.