Ding ding ding! I’m here to judge you again for your choices! This time I’ve set my sights on engagement rings. I get that having an engagement ring at all from the person you love and want to marry blah blah is amazing. But I and others are still totes allowed to think your giant yellow on yellow ring is a travesty and should be exchanged for literally anything else. The thing is, everyone loves classy engagement rings. But the problem is that not everyone understands what “classy” means.
Trendy is not classy, and bright, loud, or obnoxiously large engagement rings do not for good taste make. If you’re wondering whether your ring falls in the hot or not category, you should probs consult our list. Oh, and be sure to tell me what a bad person I am in the comments. Love ya, mean it!
Tacky Engagement Rings
Sorry, but it’s true. Lady Gaga’s pink heart engagement ring worked for her because she’s Lady Fucking Gaga. You, on the other hand, likely work a corporate job, spend a lot of time at home or in sweats (same), and are MUCH less edgy than you think. The heart doesn’t really work for you, Lisa Frank. On the other hand, you may be a backwoods moonshiner who loves the heart shape because you’re actually 14 and this ring means the start of a new life outside Crusty Acres, Alabama. Good for you!
Disney-Inspired Engagement Rings
If you want something Disney-inspired for an engagement ring, you’re probably too young to get married. We’ve already discussed why Disney weddings are just unacceptable, but now apparently y’all have decided to test our limits with Disney engagement rings, and just no. Do you really need the ring that Belle would have worn to signify her devotion to the Furry movement? Or the diamond for which Princess Jasmine def would have let Aladdin show her a whole new world with? What about the engagement ring Pocahontas wouldn’t have had because the early English settlers were terrible human being and would have stolen it and given her a smallpox blanket instead? Let’s think this through and embrace adulthood.
Baby West Holds Kim & Kanye's Ring – https://t.co/C5hGbvZRA8 @KimKardashian #northwest #babywest #kimkardashian #kim #kardashian #kanyewest #kanye #west #diamond #engagement #wedding #ring #therock #cute #style #design #women #woman #jewelry #marriage #propose #proposal #newyear pic.twitter.com/YRCRH4JNs4
— UnusualRingsReview (@ringsreview) January 2, 2018
Yes, that’s so amazing and you’re so #blessed that your fiancé spent last year slaving away selling car insurance or whatever he does to buy you a four- to six-carat ring. However, it’s so big it looks fake. You know what I mean. Unless you’re Beyoncé or the owner of a yacht, chateau, and small island, the giant diamond looks a lil off on your un-manicured finger. Maybe be a tad more modest.
Bright Pink Anything
If your ring looks like a mashup of Claire’s (RIP) and Care Bear feelings, it may not be a good choice for you, friend. Not only will a bright pink diamond or gemstone look fake, but it’s hella tacky and ultimately not a solid choice. Look at that shit. Are you gonna want to rock this at age 55? Maybe if you’re weird and into motorcycles, but likely not.
Overly Trendy Shit
Just because halo rings or black rings or charcoal shit or twine is in style, that doesn’t mean it’s a good choice for an engagement ring that you’ll (hopefully) wear forever. Trends don’t last, and unless you remain v weird, artsy, and into fringe electronica dance music well into your 60s, this may not be a great fit for you down the line.
Classy Engagement Rings
The Tiffany Cut And Setting
YAAAAAAS. The Tiffany® Setting
Girl, yas. I don’t care how against the patriarchy/corporations you are or claim to be, everyone fucking loves Tiffany’s. The fact that there is a specific and special Tiffany cut just goes to show that when you operate an amazing business for like, over 100 years, it pays off. Getting engaged with a classic Tiffany cut solitaire on a platinum band is a gift in and of itself. That shit will never go out of style, and the beauty of the diamond will never go out of style.
Vintage, Estate, Or Inherited Rings
I’m not going to shit on anything that was a hand-me-down, inherited, estate, or vintage piece. Any ring that has a story behind it is awesome. You have my blessing. And yeah, the yellow gold band with the miner’s cut may be a little outdated, but you can make that shit look good. Hell, you can even have it reset once your mother-in-law dies!
Rings that use gemstones as the center stone or incorporate both gems and diamonds are inherently betchy. They’re just different enough to be noticeable, but they don’t go overboard. I mean, shit, if it’s good enough for Kate Middleton, it’s good enough for us. It’s also a great way to incorporate birthstones if you’re into that sort of thing. Diamonds are classic, but a splash of color from a ruby, emerald, or sapphire lends something special.
Classic is classy, end of story. A classic solitaire, or an emerald cut with surrounding diamonds, a cushion cut—they’re all timeless. That’s probably the biggest takeaway for classy rings—they won’t age. They won’t seem trendy in three years (I see you, halo rings), and that’s kind of the point.
Images: Bridget Flohe / Unsplash; Giphy (2)