People with straight hair think they have it rough this time of year and I’m
not sorry, but curly hair is really the worst of all time in the summer. On a good day (which I can’t even remember when that was), big bouncy curls are what make me feel like a talentless celeb, whether it’s because I dared to let my natural hair show or I worked my magic with a curling wand. However, when bittersweet August rolls around, my so-called curls literally spiral out of control—sort of like, IDK, my fucking life? They frizz before I can even leave my bathroom and if I don’t have time to straighten my hair when I’m already “late” for meeting my friends out, I look like Mia Thermopolis before the glow-up. Yeah, it’s that bad. Since I rarely ever have time to straighten my mop and I ran out of excuses to bail on going out, here’s the solution to non-frizzy curls so you don’t have Monica hair from here on out.
You’ll thank me when this isn’t you:
1. Use Curl-Enhancing Shampoo And Conditioner
The dictator of how good your hair day will be starts in the shower. You want to find a curl-enhancing shampoo and conditioner duo like Briogeo Curl Charisma Rice Amino Avocado Hydrating Shampoo and Shea Curl Defining Conditioner. The formula is everything you could want for your curls and more because it not only defines your curls 10x more (duh), but it locks out frizz-causing enemies and provides tooooons of body without making your hair heavy af.
2. Detangle And Brush Your Hair While In The Shower
Not after you get out because this is what like, separates your curls and causes them to frizz out like a Chia Pet. Find a detangling brush made for thicker, coarser hair types like Tangle Teezer Thick And Curly Detangling Brush. Its bristles keep your curls intact and prevents cuticle damage so half of your hair doesn’t fall out or nearly break the brush like this:
3. Deep Condition At Least Once A Week
By the time Wednesday rolls around, you look as good as your hair: lifeless. For an extra pick-me-up and hydration bonus mid-week, try to use a leave-in conditioner such as Living Proof Curl Leave-In Conditioner that offers the best frizz control ever and keeps a hold on your voluminous curls all throughout happy hour and bar hopping.
Them: Your hair looks so good today.
Me: Ugh omg stop, my hair’s totally all over the place.
4. Add Oil After Drying
When you’re done drying your hair by *lightly* dabbing with a towel (not rubbing, for god’s sake) or using a blow dryer with a diffuser, seal in your hair’s natural oils by applying a light oil like Bumble And Bumble Bb. Curl (Style) Anti-Humidity Gel-Oil. This blocks out the humidity and provides a fab natural-looking shine. Plus, if you’re day drinking under the sun, UV inhibitors will prevent your curls from drying out so you won’t look electrocuted.
5. Finish With A Defining Cream
When you’re done perfecting your look, add a cream like the Drybar Velvet Hammer Hydrating Control Cream to hold your style so annoying-ass fly-aways don’t kill your vibe and get in the way of your drink and your two-step. This cream will prevent frizz all night long as you make your way through sweaty nightclubs so your hair still looks as smooth and radiant as ever. It will add an amazing gloss and intense definition for extra perky ringlets. Can I, um, put this on my chest, too? Asking for a friend.
You know when you’re having a really great morning, you look good and you feel good, and then you read something really fucked up like margaritas are giving you skin rashes and you lose your will to live? Well, you may want to rethink getting out of bed this morning because this just in: perms are making a comeback. Anddd the hits just keep on coming.
Apparently perms are making a comeback and this must be stopped before my mother tags me in a very smug Facebook post. This is not a drill, people. Places like InStyle magazine, Marie Claire, and Women’s Health magazine have confirmed the story, but then again they also confirm stories like “Welcome to the Dollhouse: A Conversation With A Human Barbie” so can they really be trusted? I’ll leave that up to you. BUT if my worst nightmare is coming true and the ‘80s are coming back one beauty trend at a time, then here’s what you need to know about it:
1. Carrie Bradshaw’s Hair Isn’t Making A Comeback, Thank God
You can kind of breathe easy because the type of perm that’s making a comeback is not the over-volumized, tight curls, horrifying bangs type that we know and abhor. THANK GOD. But rather, the natural bend-in-the-hair type of perm, made famous by
human praying mantises Victoria’s Secret models. Tbh it kinda makes me feel a little superior that Victoria’s Secret models might be walking around with permed hair (even if they look good AF doing it). Like, you may get the great body and date famous, beautiful people and have the metabolism of an anorexic 14-year-old girl and… I’m not sure where I was going with this but suddenly I have the urge to drink my feelings.
*opens bottle of wine*
2. It’s All About The Air Dried, I-Just-Emerged-From-A-Fucking-Lagoon Look
Which is a step away from the super styled curling iron waves that we know and love. Hmm is that why barrel curls were replaced on Nick’s season of The Bachelor with I’m-too-busy-getting-wasted-by-the-pool-to-finish-my-hair-before-the-rose-ceremony curls? Were those bitches actually ahead of the style curve or were they just, like, drunk and lazy? Food for thought.
Lol nah. Any girl who wears a leopard print headband isn’t ahead of anything other than the guy she’s flipping off on the New Jersey turnpike.
3. It All Depends On The Size Of The Rod
As is true with all things in life, how much I judge
you your perm depends on the size of the rod. No, seriously. You can’t make this shit up. Using smaller rods will get you looking like a bridesmaid at your mother’s wedding somebody just put Baby in the corner, while larger rods give you that beachy wave perfection. Either way you should def consult with your hair stylist (Hi, Susi) to see how big of a rod you should use.
4. If Your Hair Color Isn’t Natural Then You’re In For A Fucking Problem
Unless you’re one of those girls who
are in my burn book don’t color their hair, then you’re in for a real fucking problem. Overly highlighted hair doesn’t hold perms the same way natural hair does. This is especially true if you’re one of my sorority sisters bleaching your hair, because bleach-highlighted strands have a different consistency than the strands that aren’t highlighted, and this can seriously fuck with your curls. But because there is a God and She is obsessed with Flashdance rn, there are thio-free treatments (aka treatments that use a different chemical to break the bonds in hair) available for people who dye their hair and/or want a less damaging treatment.
Fuck, now I kind of want a perm. No one show my mother this, lest I eat shit in the family group chat. But seriously, I’m off to go reevaluate my life since apparently hell has frozen over.