Can Things Get Any Worse? Your 2021 Horoscope Predictions

This year has been nothing short of Earth-shattering, and with good reason. The transits we experienced this year—most notably, Saturn (structure), Pluto (transformation) and Jupiter (expansion) consistently causing contention in Capricorn—were meant to shake us to our very core. Some might say this is uncomfortable. Others might say this is insane. And still, others might say, “give me a f*cking break already.” All of those people are me and my Gemini personalities.

But here’s some good news (cue John Krasinski direct-to-camera look). We’re moving into the Age of Aquarius! Saturn and Jupiter, huge ruling planets for us here on Earth, enter into Aquarius within days of each other this month—making way for their Great Conjunction on the winter solstice, Dec 21st. This massive energy will shift us into the concepts of innovation, connectivity, and welfare for the global community. 

TL;DR: 2021 will be nothing short of revolutionary. Read on to see which area of your life will be destined for growth. Make sure to check both your Sun and your Rising signs* for the utmost accuracy. 

*Your Sun sign is your fundamental identity. It points to your general personality, approach to life, interests, and how you shine. 

*Your Rising sign (or Ascendant) represents how you show up and the direction in which you move through the world. This sign was on the horizon at the time of your birth and therefore sets up your entire chart (which is why accurate birth time is important). It’s arguably a more predictive way to determine what you’ll encounter and how you’ll meet it. 

Aries

Your freedom will come from having absolutely zero limitations on how you’re connecting with the world. This could look like having a much larger purpose to influence great change. I sincerely doubt you’ve been waiting to get in the game, but this year will give you agency to take it global. This could look like getting involved through a non-profit or taking up more space on social media to advocate for something you’re passionate about. We’re all waiting to see what you’re going to start (no pressure). 

Taurus

rooting for you

If 2020 taught you anything, it’s that you can navigate insecurity. You’ve also learned that life is a two-way street, meaning you don’t have to do everything yourself. Recognize where you’ve gotten through de-stabilizing times with a little help from your friends. Next year gives you a great opportunity to take calculated risks to advance your career. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. We’re all rooting for you. 

Gemini

Exploration and communication of the themes that have come to light in the last year will be your goal in 2021. What ultimate truths have you learned? How can you integrate these into your life philosophy? How can you help others understand? The way you communicate these will be uniquely yours, Gemini. Our advice is to make these truths snackable and lighthearted, even if the subject matter is anything but. It’s show and tell time!

Cancer

You’ve certainly had time to be intimate with yourself in 2020. How many sex toys did you buy? Be honest. But in true Cancerian fashion, you likely were more concerned with finding intimacy in a partnership. This year will encourage you to focus on yourself in order to experience true breakthroughs. And no, I’m not just talking about orgasms, but I’m not not talking about orgasms. 

Leo

You’ll experience serious potential for love and partnership next year, Leo. If you’re single, make sure you’re intentionally manifesting your “perfect” partner. And simply saying “I’m manifesting a partner” will not cut it. Visualize the feeling of being with someone, take note, and then ask the universe for some help on the delivery. If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll experience power-couple vibes. Hello, Bey and Jay.

Virgo

Personal revolution is happening for Virgos in the house of your rulership (6th house) which means you’re receiving double-down energy. This would be the year to feel completely supported in focusing on your health and routines, getting your edge through the use of technology. Oh, and domestic matters will be your bitch, too. So hey, if you’ve been thinking about buying a Peloton, this is your sign. (No, they didn’t pay me to say that.)

Libra

F*ck the establishment, Libra! 2021 has you feeling all sorts of brave, playful and yes, maybe a little rebellious. Will this shock the people around you, since you of all people like to color inside the lines? Sure. Does that really matter? Not in the least. Give yourself permission to take the spotlight, or at least the ring light, and do what makes you happy. 

Scorpio

Mastering family life and maternal instincts will be on your radar next year, Scorpio. This could look like establishing the house rules for everyone in your domain or simply establishing how you’d like your own chosen family to run. Remember that the very nature of family means it’s more of a democracy than a dictatorship, so try your best to be firm, yet accommodating on the issues you could care less about, like where you put the TV. You can’t make every hill the one you’re willing to die on.

Sagittarius

You normally travel the world for inspiration, but this year you’ll be called to learn from your immediate environment, your neighborhood, or simply your closest friends and family. Your new approach will have a well-spring of creative ideas percolating for you all year, and you’ll want to talk to your newfound teachers about them. Take that airplane out of your Instagram bio once and for all, and make an impact in your neighborhood instead, Sagittarius. 

Capricorn

Listen closely, because this one is def going to be music to your ears, Capricorn. Next year holds major earning potential for you. (I can literally hear a collective YES!) All the work you’ve put into your craft will certainly pay off next year, so enjoy watching the stacks rise. That said, try bringing something back into the fold that you scrapped this year for lack of time or expertise. You’ll have more resources to revive it this year. 

Aquarius

It’s your time, Aquarius. You’re THE most equipped for this new age we’re entering, so don’t be surprised if you feel the intrinsic need to step out and lead this revolution. Everyone is catching up to your line of thinking, but we do actually need you to be constantly innovating and moving the needle forward. Your gut will rarely be wrong—just go with it and don’t second-guess it. 

Pisces

Bless my Pisces, always ready to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Next year will have you fully embracing who you are, the magical mystery tour that is life. Walk into the unknown the same way most of us walk into Target: willfully blissful and leaving with so much more than we intended to. (Also, not sponsored.)

Images: Kwangmoozaa / Shutterstock; Giphy (12)

Bring On The Cuffing Season: Weekly Horoscopes November 16-20

Feeling the sudden urge settle down with that special someone (or just like, anyone) and watch every episode of The Crown while eating pie? Welcome to cuffing season. This week Venus heads into Scorpio, amping up both your sex drive and your desire to put a ring on it. A dangerous combination. Proceed with caution.

Aries

You’ve been low-key conducting a survey of singles in your area, and you may have settled on a match! This week, you may feel the urge to make the first move with someone you’ve been on the fence about, or go deeper with the one you’ve got. Nothing like impending pandemic holidays to make you realize what’s important in life (someone to bang and complain with).

Taurus

What is the difference between good sex and great sex? You’re about to find out—if you dare. With Venus taking the plunge into Scorpio, you’re taking the plunge into…actually I’m not gonna finish that metaphor. Just make sure your vibrator is charged and try to keep it down for the neighbors.

Gemini

Lights, camera, Gemini! This week, you are the center of attention and star of whatever six-foot-apart-socially-distanced outdoor circle you’re in. Congrats! Enjoy the spotlight and try not to forget all the little people who made this possible by liking and commenting on your latest thirst trap. You did this together.

Cancer

You’re feeling yourself this week, Cancer, and you’re not afraid to let the world know. Dramatic mirror selfies, thirst traps, and NSFW posts to the Close Friends tab are all in your future, and if you have a partner, there’s a good chance they won’t be able to keep their hands off you. It’s not easy being beautiful.

Leo

Venus in Scorpio has sent your standards through the roof, and my condolences to anyone who fails to meet them. On the one hand, it means you have zero tolerance for for f*ckboy nonsense, which is always a good thing. On the other hand, you might end up going off on your partner for not being engaged during your amaaaazing story about the grocery store.

Virgo

Still trying to figure out your current situationship? Forget it. This week Venus in Scorpio has you feeling indecisive AF, meaning you may find yourself building a bubble gum shrine to someone one moment, then leaving them on read the next. Just do your best not to be a complete a**hole, k?

Libra

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the whole world sliding into your DMs. This week you can’t help but attract admirers of all stripes while Venus rounds out its stay in your sign and heads into Scorpio at the end of the week. And to think all you had to do was post a pic with semi-decent lighting. Is this what it’s like to be an influencer?

Scorpio

Feeling social? In 2020? And they said it couldn’t be done. This week Venus has you feeling the urge to converge with your fellow man, but how to achieve this in a way that doesn’t spread a deadly disease? Grab your cutest mask, find the nearest outdoor space, and enjoy the pleasure of shouting at your besties from six feet away. When life gives you highly infectious lemons…

Sagittarius

Time to establish some boundaries, Sagittarius, and fast. Whether it be an aunt who is refusing to accept that you’re not coming to her 100 person Thanksgiving this year, or a creeper who replies to all of your stories with a fire emoji, now is the time to set the record straight. Unless you want to spend the next month terrified of your notifications tab.

Capricorn

You know the saying: all work and no play makes Capricorn a boring bitch. Or something like that. This week the universe is asking you to let loose and live a little, before plunging yourself 100% into your plan “single handedly save the holidays.” You’ll need your strength.

Aquarius

Feeling like you’re kind of in a rut? Get ready to bust out of that this week when your desire to do something out of the ordinary will finally overtake your hatred of leaving the house when it’s cold. Go with the flow this week and allow yourself to try something new. Worst case scenario you get a couple good IG posts out of the deal.

Pisces

Venus in Scorpio has you feeling flirty and free this week, so don’t let all that charm go to waste. Now is the perfect chance to take a chance with someone new, or make the first move with someone you’ve had your eye on for a while. You’re basically like the red dancing lady emoji come to life.

Images: Freestocks.com / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Your 2020 Cuffing Season Horoscopes

Cuffing season is always a stressful time of year when it comes to dating, but this year, it has a whole new vibe. Normally, we’d be looking for someone to snuggle up and binge-watch Netflix with, get us a holiday gift, and ultimately buy us dinner next Valentine’s Day. But the dating game has different rules in 2020, and whoever you cuff this year might end up never leaving your apartment. Literally. So we have to choose wisely.

To handle the added uncertainty that is 2020, we’re pulling out the big guns of prediction: Astrology AND Tarot. Both are impactful for predicting energy patterns, and they’re even more powerful when used together. For this year’s cuffing season horoscopes, we’re including Astro-Tarot archetypes, and to get the full picture, you’ll want to check your sun, moon, and Venus signs. It sounds like a lot of work, but it’s worth it. Your sun sign is your basic identity—how most friends (and more importantly, people you’re newly dating) would describe you. The moon sign gives insight into how you’re feeling on a moment-to-moment basis, and how you show up in a committed relationship. And last but not least, your Venus sign represents how you fall in love, show love, and what you’re generally attracted to. So if you’re trying to make plans for cuffing season and ignoring your Venus sign, that’s a big f*cking mistake. Check all your signs, and let’s get into it.

Virgo

Venus moves into your sign early October, meaning you’ll be looking for something serious—f*ckboys need not apply. A strong but silent Water sign (King of Cups) will be in your orbit, and you should let yourself take on their emo vibes. If you’re in a relationship, hold that space for your partner’s feelings. As frustrating as it is for all the attention to be on someone else, it will pay off in the long run.

Libra

The sun is in your sign for most of October, giving you the boost you’ll need to attack this whole ~dating in a pandemic~ thing. An otherwise elusive Scorpio may catch your eye (Death), giving you the most sexual cuffing season of your goddamn life. Go off sis! If you find yourself feeling attached, embrace it. Put on your favorite sex playlist and clear your schedule—get ready to be reborn. 

Scorpio

The sun enters your sign at the end of October, so give yourself time to make a wise selection. Emotional depth will certainly be needed for the cold winter months, so don’t text your ex you will want to couple up with a caring Water sign like yourself (Queen of Cups). To avoid drowning in a sea of emotions, though (as water signs tend to do), try to find a partner with a more balanced chart (i.e. including earth, fire, or air elements). If you’re worried about asking too many questions, the good news is that your ideal match is probably already on Co-Star. If things go well, you’ll likely see the softer side of your partner pretty quickly.

Sagittarius

Your ruler of Jupiter will trine Venus mid-October. Translation: you’ll be feeling yourself. That means it’ll be the perfect time to showcase your natural charm and lock down a cuffing season relationship. The problem is, you’re f*cking magnetic (Wheel of Fortune) right now, and things might spin out of control. You might find yourself drinking too much, eating too much, and ultimately spending too much. It’ll be a lot of fun, but you might want to rein it in (or don’t). It’s 2020, who cares?

Capricorn

You’re pretty comfortable alone, which is why it will be surprising to most when you you are overcome with passion this cuffing season (Queen of Wands). With this type of magnetism going on, you could easily be attracted to someone who’s not your usual type, so keep an open mind. Start off with a zoom date and prepare to be swept off your feet (or, probably more accurately, desk). If you’re already in a relationship, your partner will enjoy your spontaneous romantic side. 

Aquarius

Venus in practical Virgo has you thinking: if it’s not perfect, I’m not interested. And you know what? That’s okay. Wait for Venus to move into harmonious Libra at the end of October, and the desirable matches will start flooding in. If currently cuffed, your partner may notice a more practical, self-actualizing streak in you (The Hermit). This would be an ideal time to talk about the non-sexy stuff (finances, chores, etc.) It’s not fun, but you can’t avoid it forever.

Pisces

You want a partner you can dream with—someone who won’t make you feel weird for sleeping with socks on (or whatever your quirk may be). Life is a romantic comedy in your head, and it’s time to find someone with a matching energy (The Fool). You know you can be a lot, so try to work in a little bit of the aspirational talk to see who responds well and who rolls their eyes. Keep in mind, just because he’s hot doesn’t mean he’s right for you. If you’re coupled up, you may take a leap of faith with your partner. 

Aries

Cuffing season has never really been your thing, but this year you’ve realized that making your house a home has more advantages than you realized (Queen of Pentacles). If you’re already coupled up, you’ll be feeling more domestic than ever, but if you’re single, don’t stress. Your ruling planet will be in retrograde the first half of this season, so you’ll feel more comfortable taking a passive approach to dating. If it happens, it happens. For the first time in like, ever, this season is refreshing for you, so just enjoy the ride. 

Taurus

Uranus is still in your sign, where it squares the sun in Scorpio on the last day of October. What does that mean? Big changes. I know any change bigger than subbing oat milk instead of almond is uncomfortable for you, but you’ll be meeting someone to help you through this period of flux. Be on the lookout for someone independent and strong, who has the potential to be a ride or die, bringing deep, passionate, and stable love. If attached, you and your partner may talk about buying assets together, like a house or a car, to go the distance (The Chariot). Look at you being an adult! 

Gemini

Witty banter is the quickest way to your heart. A vibrant Air sign (Knight of Swords) will catch your fancy this season. Who better to make it through your Netflix list with? You’ll have some amazing conversations about a wide range of topics, but remember, you’re not creating a podcast with this person… this is supposed to be romance. Find an Air sign with some stability and emotional depth too (Water or Earth placements). If you’re partnered, play mind games, like puzzles and sh*t. 

Cancer

Even after six months of quarantine, spending time at home is still exciting for you—you love making a home. But this cuffing season will hit different, because you’ve got motherhood on the brain (The Empress). If you’re already partnered up and this is realistic for you, get busy! If not, start thinking about future plans, and make sure you cover the future family convo pretty early in any new relationship. Obviously not on the first date, but you don’t want to waste too much time with someone who still thinks Saturdays are for the boys.

Leo

Alas, Leo season is gone, not to come back for a whole year. While the world has moved on, you need a partner who will still give you the attention you need. Try an eternal optimist, like a Pisces (Knight of Cups). They may or may not be who you would usually go for, but they’ll be able to bring your soul to a new level and help you stay positive about this sh*tty year. If you’re in a relationship, make sure to bring spirituality into your conversations this season, whatever that means to you. 

Images: Giphy (12)

These U.S. Cities Have The Most Cheaters During Cuffing Season

Cuffing season is a lovely annual reminder that the weather is getting colder and you’re (I’m) still single AF. It’s common knowledge that you’re supposed to lock someone down in the winter months BUT APPARENTLY (!!) people who are already cuffed up ALSO seek new partners during this time. In other words, they cheat *stares blankly into the void*. Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating site, recently compiled last year’s winter signup data to release their Winter Wanderlust list, which has nothing to do with beautiful, snowy travel spots and everything to do with uncovering where the cheaters hide out (or come out to play?) in the US when the temperature starts to drop.

Okay, first off, we see that New Jersey, California, and Arizona clearly dominate the list. Like, WTF? I can understand Las Vegas, because it’s literally called Sin City and whatever happens there magically stays there. But why NJ, the smelliest place on earth?! And does California even have winter?? What’s y’all’s excuse?

Isabella Mise, Director of Member Relations at Ashley Madison, breaks it down for us. “New Jersey, which has two cities on the list, is a travel hub with a major airport in close proximity to New York City. Both Newark and Jersey City house many people commuting to and from Manhattan for work, meaning it’s easier to facilitate extramarital encounters,” she explains. “California saw the most cities on the list, and while they don’t see the frigid temperatures that the east coast does, temperatures still drop along with inhibitions.” Depressing and definitely contributing to my already high trust issues, but OK. 

The busiest time of the year for Ashley Madison (in terms of highest global signups) is the month of January, which is shocking? I’d totally think summer is prime time for cheating because people go out more often, might be turned on by hot half-naked people at the beach, or are more likely to not give a sh*t about anything after drinking too many piña coladas at the bar… IDK. I don’t relate to this at all. But Mise has an answer as to why. “We forget that the colder months fuel the human desire for a warm body to sleep next to. It’s hard not to want someone to cozy up to while the temperature drops, especially when you’re in a sexless marriage.” So, essentially the reason cuffing season became a term in the first place. I guess the urge to cuff doesn’t stop when you get married? Bleak.

It actually is kind of sad, because as Mise explains, “In these instances where the physical intimacy you once shared with your spouse has vanished and you feel more like roommates than lovers, extramarital sex could give that surge in dopamine you need to heed off those winter blues.” I personally cuddle up with multiple blankets, my favorite sex toys, and way too many cups of Bailey’s hot chocolate in the winter, but to each their own. 

January also follows a period of stressful holiday obligations and an OD amount of family time, which apparently motivates married people to find someone on the side to relieve that frustration with. “Things like entertaining in-laws and extended family, increased spending, and managing hectic calendars many of our members to see the cracks that exist in their monogamous relationships,” says Mise, adding that “these individuals are asserting a ‘new year, new me’ mentality.” I usually think of “new year, new me” as going to the gym once a week or not getting blackout drunk every weekend anymore, and not literally adopting a double life. But I guess I can’t come at them for being technically accurate?

OH! And if you’re thinking men are the main cheaters here, you’re sadly mistaken. Women are just as drawn to non-monogamy as men, and—wait for it—are actually even MORE drawn to it. F*ck. “Currently, the ratio on our site is 1.11 active females for every 1 active paid male,” says Mise. So chill out, men’s rights activists, it’s pretty balanced.

And, according to Ashley Madison’s recent female-focused infidelity study, “women are just as likely to get bored of having only one partner as men are. Many of them find themselves in either sexless or orgasmless relationships over time, which directly coincides with lowered attraction levels toward their spouse. When describing their marriage, these women used terms like ‘functional,’ ‘mundane,’ and ‘sexless.’” I’m no relationship therapist here, and I’m not married with kids so I have no idea what these people go through or what options they have, but hey, maybe break up with your partner if you’re unhappy with your relationship/sex life instead of cheating on them? Or if you can’t end it, propose having an open relationship to see what your partner says, because they’re probably just as unhappy with having no orgasms as you are? Just a thought. You do you, boo boos.

Anyway, that’s the tea on infidelity. Interpret this data however you want. Either stay far away from these unfaithful US cities during cuffing season… or go to them. Or realize that correlation does not equal causation! Pick your poison. Best of luck staying warm out here and finding a faithful partner in these ice cold streets.

Images: Unsplash, Ashley Madison

Mercury Is Back To Normal: Weekly Horoscopes November 18-22

Amazing news, everyone. You’ve (almost) survived another Mercury retrograde. Or maybe you didn’t. But either way, Mercury is out of retrograde this Wednesday, meaning it is officially time to assess the damage. Say some sh*t that came out harsher than you intended? (Yes.) Misinterpret a text and fly off the handle over nothing? (Always.) Get mad at your roommate for breathing weird in the common spaces? (Do you even need to ask?) This is the week to make amends. Until the next time Mercury goes into retrograde and wrecks your life, that is.

Aries

Cuffing season is in high gear, Aries, and it’s time to figure out whose dried-out face you’re going to be staring at all winter. You’re on the hunt for the person who will share your bed through the long, cold nights and won’t shame you for not shaving your legs between Christmas and Easter. If you already have that special someone in your life, take time to do a check in and make sure things haven’t gotten stale. You’re going to be spending a lot more time together now that the temperature has dropped below 50 degrees.

Taurus

raise the roof

Take a look at your partnerships: romantic, platonic, and professional. Are they in a rut? Are things going unsaid? Now that Mercury is out of retrograde you have the perfect opportunity to clear up any lingering misunderstandings and get back to dynamic duo mode. Or, in the case of your coworkers, “adult professionals who enjoy each other’s company from 9am to 5pm” mode.

Gemini

Did you get your old Adderall prescription back? Because you’re focused as f*ck this week, Gemini. Use this energy to bring an important task across the finish line, whether it be redecorating your apartment, something to do with work, or finally finishing that novel. This week you’ll magically find the focus and motivation to finish whatever you set your mind to, so choose a task and start accomplishing things.

Cancer

thinking

When was the last time you assessed your romantic situation, Cancer? Every second of every day? Cool. Same. Now that Mercury is done being a little bitch, it’s time to make sure that any pent-up resentments that have built up between you and your partner are released for good. Single Cancers should be aware that they’re going to attract whatever they put out this week, so make sure you’re giving off “stable professional with a savings account” over “35-year-old with 17 roommates whose never had an STD check.”

Leo

Bust out the coasters your aunt sent you three birthdays ago, because you’re in the mood to entertain, Leo! The end of Mercury retrograde means you’re ready to jazz up chez Leo, and what better way to do that than a little dinner party? Whether it be a full blown friendsgiving, or just sharing a bottle of wine with the girls, find a way to bring the people you love into your space this week. Just remind them to take their f*cking shoes off first.

Virgo

hoe

This week you’re embracing your sensuality and letting the world see your sexy self, Virgo. In other words, you’re in the mood to hoe it up, and we mean that in the most feminist way possible. Bust out the thigh high boots, bodysuit, that one bra that makes your boobs look amazing and take yourself for a night on the town. Whether you’re doing it to impress a random stranger (good), a significant other (great), or your own damn self (even better), you will love the confidence (and the thirst traps) that come of it.

Libra

Congratulations, Libra! You’re at the beginning of a seven week motivation explosion. Whether you want to use your newfound ability to get sh*t done to finish up some lingering 2019 goals, or get a jump on 2020, this week is the start of a whole new you. And yes, this does count as a reason to celebrate by buying yourself one of the premium cocktails at happy hour.

Scorpio

Stassi Birthday

Your season is coming to a close and it’s time to go out with a bang. Luckily, going out with a bang is kind of Scorpio’s thing. Stop chilling on the couch and get out into the world and no, the fact that it is dark at 5pm is not a reason to stay indoors. Take advantage of all the shady shenanigans you can now, while “it’s my birthday month!” still works as an excuse.

Sagittarius

You’re in the mood to keep it low-key this week, so set your phone to Do Not Disturb and get cozy. Will you use your alone time to actually finish a book this year? Or maybe you’ll tackle that 5+ hour Crock Pot recipe you’ve been meaning to try. Or maybe you’ll just veg out on the couch and binge-watch Netflix and put things in your cart that you have no intention to buy. The world is your oyster!

Capricorn

king of the world

Great news, Capricorn! You’re in the middle of a lucky streak, both professionally and personally. Everything you touch turns to gold, and every selfie you take is magically fire. It’s just one of those weeks. The only thing you need to decide now is where you want to focus these magical powers. And try not to let it get to your head (too much).

Aquarius

It’s time to earn that holiday bonus, Aquarius. The year is coming to a close, but this week you have exactly enough energy to end it on a high note. For the next month, focus your attention on advancing in your career, and you could be starting 2020 with a whole new job title. PRO TIP: Holiday parties with an open bar totally count as networking opportunities.

Pisces

goals

What do you want to accomplish by the end of the 2010s? This is the week to map that out and put it into action, Pisces. The end of Mercury retrograde has given you newfound clarity about wtf is going on in your life, and where you want it to go. Before holiday travel plans take over, set aside some time to write down your 2020 vision. That way you won’t find yourself scribbling your resolutions on the back of a napkin between layovers.

Images: Giphy (12)

Happy Thotumn! Your 2019 Cuffing Season Horoscopes

They say summer is the best season to fall in love, but I beg to differ. See, what most people don’t realize is, the weather is a major game-changer. It can truly make or break your sizzling love affair. One thing’s for sure: When the temperature drops, our panties follow mother nature’s lead. It’s inevitable. Cupid always makes a cryptic cameo once the fall and winter roll around, which is why this time of year is often referred to as “cuffing season.” People aren’t just looking to just get it in during cuffing season. On the contrary, they are looking to get cuffed… in every sense of the word. Do yourself a favor and test your luck during the next cold front. 

So what will cuffing season bring for you? Thotumn, a real relationship, all of the above? These are your cuffing season horoscopes:

Aries

Expect the unexpected, Aries. Despite your hot-headed approach when it comes to love, you’ll probably be feeling more secretive than usual—especially around October 23 through mid-November. Your sex life and intimate unions will be top of mind during this time, so surrender to your smoldering passions and enjoy the mystery.

Taurus

Not at work, Taurus. Then again, you’ll probably be spending a lot more time at the office than usual. Things get pretty serious once Scorpio season (October 23 – November 11) rolls around, and you’ll be feeling extra amorous in December. Why? Well, because the sun will be shaking up our sultry eighth house and intimate unions. Ready to make things official, Taurus? Don’t be afraid to venture into unknown territory.

Gemini

Fall in love, but make them work for it, Gemini. Are you looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, or are you still afraid of commitment? There are opportunities for romance where you least expect it. You could get really lucky around mid-November if you play your cards right. You get what you give, so make sure you’re being completely authentic with your future prospects.

Cancer

Don’t be shy, Cancer. You may feel the need to retreat in October, but not for long. Once Halloween rolls around, you’ll be more than ready to submit to your smoldering passions. There will be a number of planets activating your expressive fifth house of romance, and you’ll be feeling as confident as ever. In case you’re still wondering, October 23 marks the beginning of your peak season.

Leo

Don’t air out your dirty laundry just yet, Leo. Try to keep some things to yourself—especially while texting your crush. Seriously, you’re going to have to put those jealous claws away before you scare them off. Sit tight, though. The real fun will begin once Sagittarius season (November 22) rolls around. That is, if you put your ego away, of course. 

Virgo

Bask in the pleasures of life, Virgo. Single and ready to mingle? You’ll be craving the finer things and indulging in your comfort for the majority of October. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a mental health day, it’s important that you put your picture-perfect checklist away before you let something good go to waste. After all, there’s no such thing as perfect, you know.

Libra

You’re in love with love, Libra. Your birthday season will be swirling with romance, and you’ll be feeling as irresistible as ever. Then again, when are you not adorably charming? Let your crush wine and dine you this season, especially once November rolls around. The sun will be shaking up your pleasure-seeking second house of money, and if you’re not splurging at the mall, you might as well let someone worship you.

Scorpio

Trick or treat, Scorpio. Cuffing season has your name written all over it, because who are we kidding? You know a thing or two about those autumn and winter nights. Lana Del Rey song or not…mid-October and November will be sizzling with passion, and your crush(es) won’t able to resist your sultry poker face. Quit playing games with their hearts, Scorpio. Karma is a messy bitch who lives for drama.

Sagittarius

Don’t be afraid to take the unconventional route, Sagittarius. Your social life will be lit in October, so decide whether or not you want to keep people “friend-zoned,” or if you think they deserve that holiday hall pass. As cliche as this sounds, having a friend with benefits is very likely during this time. The good news is, you’ll most likely keep it a secret, given November’s rather cryptic astrology transits.

Capricorn

Try taking a walk on the wild side, Capricorn. Trust me when I tell you, being uptight is not a good look for you. Just so you know, it’s not that there aren’t any opportunities for love this season, it’s that you’re usually too pragmatic to realize what’s right in front of you. I’m totally serious, too. Besides, with the sun beaming through your shady 12th house of secrets towards the end of November, no one will have to know. What do I mean by that, exactly? Go and get your secret love affair on, Capricorn. You’ll thank me later.

Aquarius

Is there TSA Pre for the mile-high club, Aquarius? OK, I’m kidding. Aside from charming your superiors to death this cuffing season, you could also be traveling for business more than usual during this time. What’s it going to be? Business or pleasure? Venturing into unknown territory is inevitable towards the beginning of October, so try to make it a good time. However, don’t do anything too crazy, because once November rolls around, you’ll be back in the spotlight.

Pisces

Despite your innate desire for intimacy and soul-to-soul connection, you’re also very guarded… even with your more serious partners. What are you afraid of, Pisces? I’m not saying you’re doomed this season, I am simply advising that you go with the flow. Although, one thing’s for sure: November will be an adventure. With the sun beaming through your expansive ninth house of travel, you might decide to take an impromptu vacation and perhaps meet someone along the way.

Images: Unsplash; Giphy (12)

I Asked Guys Which Is The Best Season To Start Dating

With all these dating apps gaining a sh*t ton of popularity, I can’t help but wonder when is the best season to start dating? On the one hand, cuffing season is here, so you may be thinking of whether to turn that summer fling into the real thing. But on the other hand, do you really want to deal with a SO around the holiday season (assuming you last that long)? I polled my friends and asked when they think is the best season to start dating and why. To say the least, I got some pretty helpful responses.

To cuff or not to cuff, that when is the question. I took the liberty of investigating, so adjust your Hinge preferences accordingly.

I Surveyed My Friends

Family Feud style, I asked around to see when they think the best season is to date. I posted to my Instagram story, so 600 of my closest friends and a few random people from high school could tell me. TBH I probably haven’t spoken to most of these people in a v long time, but I got some really helpful and hilarious answers. One of my friends said to set him up for a date in each season and he’d let me know which season is the best to date after. So if anyone is interested in dating a nice Jewish boy, DM me.

And The Winner Is…

The majority of people claimed fall is the best season to start dating, with winter coming in a close second. The experts (aka Urban Dictionary) define these months as cuffing season. They explain, “people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be ‘Cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.” My friends tend to agree. A few people responded to my IG story saying that fall was the best because it’s cozy and cuddly, with one of my friends responding, “Fall because my nips are just the right amount of hard.” Touché.

Other Than Being Cozy, Why Does Fall Take The Cake?

First and foremost, the best part of having a boyfriend in the fall is that you have matching Halloween costumes. Another major plus is that annoying aunt who always asks you if you have a boyfriend during Thanksgiving dinner can finally STFU. Also, new shows come out during this time of the year, so there are so many for you two to choose from to binge watch (and secretly watch ahead on your own). The cherry on top of fall being the best season to start dating? Pumpkins are thought to be an aphrodisiac.

TBH fall seems like a good-ass time to start dating someone. The weather isn’t so hot that the thought of touching each other to have sex makes you gag. But, it also isn’t so cold that taking off your clothes would result in your nipples being so hard they’d cut your boyfriend’s chest. Fall seems like the perfect time to fall for a new guy (Ew. I hate myself too for that). So maybe put on a pair of sweatpants and download your favorite dating app, because once winter rolls around, nobody is going to want to leave their apartments, much less go on dates.

Images: Pablo Heimplatz / Unsplash

5 Fall Date Ideas That Aren’t Basic

It’s finally that time of year to “fall” in love. Summer flings have ended and cuffing season is in full swing. Here are my top five “Brunch Boys approved” date recommendations. You’ll notice there is no apple picking on here, because I promise you nobody wants to see those Instagrams.

Rooftop Cinema Club

Instead of Netflix and chill, switch up your movie watching routine at Rooftop Cinema Club at the Skylawn Embassy (Hilton) Suites in midtown. Here’s the deal: $26 per ticket without popcorn, although you might opt to spend a few extra bucks for an unlimited bucket. Outside food and drinks are a no-no, but the Skylawn rooftop bar opens at 5pm daily, so definitely go early to get your food and drink on.

 

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Book your lawn chair with the @rooftopcinema and enjoy rooftop movies with drinks at The SkyLawn Rooftop Bar this Summer! (????: @juliesahley )

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Watching movies outdoors is always a fun activity, but this particular venue provides wireless headphones to drown out the background noise. Hang out in your adjustable lawn chair (also provided) and remember to dress appropriately for the weather, as fall nights tend to get chilly, especially on rooftops. Come here for the iconic views—I’m talking about the classic films AND the NYC skyline backdrop. You can find the list of movie showings online, through October.

Blood Manor

Jack-o-lanterns and Halloween decor are in all the storefronts setting the spooky mood. Time to have yourselves a Saturday date night scare! Located down on Varick St., Blood Manor is a haunted house that will have you gripping onto your partner for dear life as you move through the labyrinth of terror. Instead of the electronic vampires with red eyes and digital dead people, Blood Manor has real actors who read the room and jump out at you strategically to optimize the scare factor.

This would be a fun group date idea because you are guided through the maze in small groups of six. DON’T wear any clothing you might ruin, in case you back up against a wall and smudge the set. DO wear comfortable shoes because you’ll be walking through the corridors. Although it’s only a 15-minute affair, it’s worth the scare.

Hike

Breathtaking Breakneck Ridge is a challenging hike, comprised of both rock face and marked dirt paths. Now is the perfect time of year to peep the changing leaves with your partner! This particular destination is just 90 minutes north of Manhattan. Just hop on the MTA from Grand Central to Hudson State Park in Cold Spring, NY. The main loop is just under three miles and takes about four to six hours to complete, so be sure to wear comfortable and appropriate clothing—aka sneakers and layers.

There are multiple overlooks with awesome and unobstructed views of the Hudson. Make sure you stop at the lookout points for epic couple shots—totally Insta-worthy. There’s no race to the top, but it’s definitely a workout, so bring snacks and plenty of hydration. DON’T go on this trip with someone you are just getting to know unless you’re totally comfortable. It’s not like you can cut the date short and bounce…the trail itself is a few hours, tacked on to a total of three hours of travel.

SoJo Day Spa

If you’re in the mood to escape the hustle and bustle of NYC and hang out somewhere more peaceful, check out SoJo Day Spa with your partner. If you ventured on the hike suggested above, maybe you can spend your next day off recovering and relaxing at SoJo Spa in Clearwater, NJ. There’s a shuttle bus from Hell’s Kitchen/Port Authority in NYC that takes you directly to the facility. Enjoy all the amenities, including different pools and saunas, with your day pass, which are relatively inexpensive for a spa. $50 for weekdays and $65 for holidays and weekends! You’ll have to pay for any other treatments you might want to add.

 

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The lovely @misspinno enjoying those beautiful rooftop views ☀ We’re so happy we could treat you… come back soon! ❤ . . . #sojo #sojospaclub #nyc #manhattan #skyline #Hudson #nj #infinitypool #views #travel #wanderlust #spa #spaday #pool #swimming #poolside #poolsideviews #rooftopviews #nycskyline #mysojospaday #sojospaday #koreanspa #spacation #spalife #selflove #treatyoself #bliss #getaway #staycation #energizedlife

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Upon arrival, you put your belongings in your locker and proceed to the bathhouse: clothing is optional indoors. The fall special currently being offered is the “Pink Champagne Couples Massage”. Here’s the deal: a one-hour couples massage, pink champagne toast, chocolate truffles, and complimentary admission for two ($395). Note: you can only book this deal through 10/31. Spend the entire day feeling fancy AF in your robes. You can’t bring your own snacks to the spa, but they do have a stocked cafeteria with Korean-inspired dishes and other healthy options.

Cooking Lesson

Fall is a time to hibernate and be cozy. Bikini season is over, so no need to feel bad about indulging in a cooking class with your SO. Instead of your nightly routine of going out or ordering in, mix it up by playing house with your partner and learning how to cook a gourmet meal. There are many options of cooking classes available in NYC, but two of my favorites are  Sushi by Simon and Sur La Table.

Learn the Japanese culinary art at Sushi By Simon. All classes include two drinks and a sushi mat you can take home with you to rice roll on your own. $110 per person for the fall special, running now through the end of October. Sur La Table has a bit more variety in food options. Each night offers a different cuisine, and the chance to make everything from scratch! The chef gives you plenty of tips along the way, so it’s a great start for beginners. It’s also a great refresher for those of you who are already cooking-inclined. Whichever one you choose, you’re in for a night of delicious food and drinks and an intimate few hours with bae.

Images: Alora Griffiths / Unsplash; skylawnnyc, sojospaclub / Instagram