Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: A White Trash Triathlon

Being in quarantine means we have lots of time to read about things going wrong while we’re sitting inside, in our daytime pajamas, living through a sort of dystopian hellscape. Yes, I’m mostly referring to reading the news, but I’m also talking about crazy wedding stories. Remember a time when things other than our country/ecomony/healthcare system were falling apart? Good times. For real, we feel super horrible for any bride who’s had to cancel or even postpone her big day because of COVID-19. But, to find a little silver lining, at least you could cancel your big day and not end up as a crazy wedding story submission on our site. Even the ‘rona can’t take away entitled, outrageous, or ill-equipped brides, and for that, we are thankful.

Which brings us to today’s story, submitted to us by a reader at [email protected]. It’s a sordid tale of love, wood chips, goose sh*t, and people drunk on jungle juice. Sounds like a frat party—but unfortunately for all who witnessed this unholy matrimony, it’s not.

Setting The Scene

This story starts out like so many others: with a bride asking her BFF to be in her wedding. Yay! It always seems like it won’t be a big undertaking, but, it will be a big undertaking. It’s always a f*cking big undertaking. Our submitter writes:

“This was my best friend’s wedding. I get asked to be a bridesmaid. I tell her to take her time planning the wedding and not to rush, but she decides to rush anyway, despite not having any money.

A week before the wedding, bride finally decides to visit the outdoor ceremony venue, knowing months prior that there would also be a fair starting on that same street an hour after, so people could be setting up early, and parking would be hard to find. She said she was going barefoot in a park, near water, where geese frequent. She has a full-on meltdown about how she’s screwed, even though she should have known, having been to this park many times throughout her life, knowing it’s near water, etc. Her parents, meanwhile, were planning to flatten their backyard for the tented reception, and never got any responses, so never pursued it further, and didn’t get the ground flattened, therefore a tent couldn’t go up. At this point, one week out, they have no ceremony or reception venue. The neighbours then decide to save the day, and suggest the ceremony be on their front lawn, and the tent can go on their back lawn, which is flattened and all gravel. The bride also originally planned on having no dance floor, so people could just ‘dance with bare feet on the grass’.”

I don’t know if “rushing” means trying to plan a wedding in six months orrrrr trying to plan a wedding in 10 weeks. Those are two v different things.

BUT, despite rushing, a bride going to visit her venue only ONE WEEK before a wedding is absolutely f*cking insane. I must have visited my venue five or six times in the year that we planned our wedding. This makes me think that there was no actual “venue” planned and the bride was planning to just roll up to the park with an entire wedding reception in tow.

And then to have to rely on neighbors to save the day with a backyard gravel reception? This is shaping up to be a whole disaster. I am a little sad that the reception didn’t actually take place in the park where people would have been slipping and falling because of goose sh*t. Darn.

Going Downhill

Naturally, things are only going to get worse from the rushed backyard planning debacle.

“Now, it’s 3 days out, with forecasted rain for the wedding day and two days prior, with no back-up for the ceremony or cocktail hour. The ground is a mud pit, so while the bride goes to get her nails done, I help her father, who was planning to SINGLE-HANDEDLY shovel 2 truckloads of wood chips and spread them within the tented area. Now, they’re worried about splinters, so her father, the male neighbour and I build a dance floor out of scrap wood (which was actually very structurally sound, surprisingly). At this point, I was getting 3-4 hours of sleep per night, while the husband-to-be didn’t even know what time the wedding started at until the day prior.”

First off, jazz snaps for the groom-to-be not knowing what time his own wedding was starting. I think, you’ll find, that most grooms are in the same boat with that one. Also, of COURSE the gravel pit would fill with water and mud. Sounds like a good time and right up the alley for a bride who wanted to dance barefoot in the grass. I mean, let’s just dance barefoot in the mud at that point. It sounds GREAT.

Also, is this submitter a guy or a really strong betch? Like, I wouldn’t be caught dead shoveling f*cking wood chips or building a dance floor out of scrap wood. What the f*ck am I? A lumberjack? I have a communications degree, which makes me 100% useless at anything involving the outdoors (except drinking on towels).

The Big Day

Did you think things would improve from here? Like the clusterf*ck that is the current state of our country, this wedding only gets worse.

“The wedding day arrives. It’s still raining slightly, still have no back-up plans, I’m running around like crazy trying to help. It stops raining right before the ceremony, the bride is yelling at her controlling aunt who was trying to tell people when to walk down the aisle (incorrectly), and they get married. I help run cocktail hour, which involved pouring bottles of vodka in with Hawaiian Punch and iced tea, while the other bridesmaids drank. As the reception starts, the now-husband walks into the tent with the bride trailing behind, which makes for an awkward moment for everyone.”

There are way too many wrongs here for me to even comment on half of them, but can we all take a moment to appreciate the mixture of Hawaiian Punch and vodka being served during cocktail hour? Like, between that, the handmade dance floor, and a mud pit, this is shaping up to be a white trash triathlon. God bless America! Although, judging by the extra “u’s” in some of these words, I’m guessing this wedding took place somewhere fancy, like Canada or England. Good to know they can be just as trashy as us!

A Reception To Remember

Yikes. As you can imagine, the reception isn’t really any better than the wedding.

“Night goes on, the step-father to the groom keeps making shots, citing his previous youth experience of being a bartender. At some point, my boyfriend disappears, and I assume it’s to go to the bathroom, because they only brought 2 porta-potties for the 100 guest wedding, which were very small. One of the bridesmaids and her boyfriend have started fighting, after having drank all night, and it gets physical. She punches him in the face, he tries to stop her, she rips his shirt, and my boyfriend (who weighs probably 40lbs less than either of them) tries to keep the peace. The bride eventually finds out through the grapevine, and leaves for the night, also yelling and mad.”

Is a wedding even a wedding without a fist fight? I don’t know what to feel, except that, my God, I wish I’d been there. Also, only having two Port-a-Potties at a wedding where you’re serving actual jungle juice sounds like a recipe for someone (me) throwing up in some bushes.

If nothing else, we give jazz snaps to the submitter of this story. It made us all forget about quarantine for a hot sec, and, hopefully, made some of you postponed wedding kids feel a little better for a few minutes. Kisses.

Images: Volker Vornehm / Shutterstock.com; Giphy (4)

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: I Know For A Fact This Actually Happened

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

When we write these crazy wedding stories, I notice a lot of comments complaining that the story sounds fake. Okay, here’s the thing, guys. Unless I was physically f*cking there, how am I supposed to know if it’s fake? In fact, most of the crazier true stories sound the most fake. And if you don’t believe that people could really be as crazy as they sound in these stories, my advice to you is to hang out with more people. Seriously, people are f*cking batsh*t.

Now, I don’t go to that many weddings that have a total sh*t show happen for me to write about. Trust me, no one is more disappointed than I am. Weddings can be super boring, I would love if every one I went to had a disaster, Reddit-worthy story afterwards. But this story I’m about to tell you is 100% real. And I know this because my friend was in attendance at this wedding. So, you’re welcome, world.

We begin today’s fairytale wedding by torturing all the guests with a traditional Catholic mass. Look, I have nothing against Catholicism or mass, or whatever, but in my opinion, unless you’re certain that everyone at this wedding is a practicing, mass-going Catholic, it seems like cruel and unusual punishment to make someone sit through that entire thing just to attend the party your wedding. It is just way too long. And usually very dull. And the only snacks are that sad cracker that’s supposed to be the body of Christ.

A little backstory here: we like the groom, but his bride is The Devil, so we start the day off mostly just surprised she didn’t burst into flames upon entering the church. The groom might have been aware that he was going to make a big mistake, huge, with his nuptials (or maybe it’s the long-ass mass that send him over the edge?), but he was so frustrated/angry that he was screaming at members of his own family before and after the ceremony.

Tensions were already high because the bride and groom decided to get married on the hottest day of the year and everyone was miserable and sweating. For some reason, both the bride and groom didn’t think “hey, maybe we should like, provide water bottles to our poor, innocent bridal party and guests of people we supposedly love and care about.” So they were left sweltering through the mass/ceremony with no water until they arrived at the reception. The ceremony went fine and boring and whatevs, but somehow the groom forgot it was the happiest day of his life and verbally abused everyone in the limo on the way to the reception. But seriously, if you’re that stressed out about your wedding, maybe you need to rethink the whole marriage thing?

So my friend (and like, all the other guests) get to the reception to find that nothing is set up (doesn’t the venue have, like, guys for this?) and there is a THREE-HOUR GAP until it actually starts. (Why the bride and groom did not inform everyone of the gap, we will never know.) So everyone congregates around the hotel bar (thank god there’s a bar) for three hours to wait. The bridal party and the bride and groom’s family members and any sad sack friend in the vicinity, however, get roped into setting up the entire venue themselves. Again, where are the people who work at the venue? This has to have been someone’s job?

Meanwhile, the bride gets absolutely plastered, which is always the start of a really great sh*tshow. The reception eventually starts and everything goes fine until it’s time for speeches. But. The bride has now been drinking for one million hours, so she decides to give a speech (do the bride and groom usually give speeches? Isn’t that what vows are for?) vowing her undying love and passion for… her Maid of Honor. Not her new husband. Her MOH. Which really offended me, because I was MOH in a friend’s wedding last year, and she gave no such speech dedicating her undying love to me, so I guess we aren’t real friends, but whatever.

Here’s where the real fun starts. The bride has become such a blubbering, sloppy mess that her father has to physically remove her from the reception and put her in time-out in the bathroom. He then screams at her in the bathroom (and everyone could hear) that she’s humiliating him in front of his AA friends. He is a recovering alcoholic and all his sober buddies are in attendance. Yiiiiikes. Meanwhile, the groom is a stress ball and yelling at people left and right as well. So they’re just like, the loveliest, happiest couple you’ve ever seen.

I mean, at this point, I’d say just call it a night, but sadly, the story continues. The bride escapes from her bathroom prison and decides she needs to spend some time with her guests. What does spending time with guests mean to her, you ask? Wandering around and asking random people at her wedding whether or not they’re gay. Like, literally polling random guests on their sexual orientation. Why?? I will never know. She then told the groom’s aunt that if she “were gay, she’d f*ck” the aunt’s underage teenage daughter. Great way to welcome yourself into the family. Have I said yikes enough times yet?

Then later, the bride, somehow still standing, corners said cousin in the bathroom and attempts to grope her under her dress. This is where I’d chime in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of not trying to assault your underage wedding guests?!” Or like, maybe any wedding guests for that matter?

Luckily, no assault occurred, because the bride was removed from her own party by her dad carrying her out to the car.

And they lived happily ever after.

JK, I give it three years.

Have you ever been to a wedding where both the bride and groom were so miserable? Have you ever seen a bride be that much of a drunken sh*t show? Have you BEEN that bride that was the drunken sh*t show? Do you still not believe this story happened? If so, get out of here. Otherwise, tell me your stories.

Images: Viacheslav Boiko/Shutteerstock; Giphy (2)

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Groom Demands Bride Buy $100 Dress

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Mazel and welcome to another edition of crazy wedding stories, brought to you by Reddit, our ongoing source of anonymous entertainment and shaming as it relates to matrimony. Today’s story comes to us from the always enthralling Reddit Am I The Asshole (AITA) subreddit, where clueless folks post long-winded tales and ask an audience of casual Reddit readers if their actions are defensible or deplorable. AITA has brought us grooms who want to wear jeans to their wedding, kick their sister out for not allowing kids to come at the last minute, and many more tales of wedding assholery.

This week, a man explains to us why he just doesn’t understand why his fianceé can’t find a wedding dress for $50-100. Why are men like this?

WTF Happened

The thread, titled “AITA i (38 m) for telling my fiancee (f 27) her wedding dress choice is way too extravagant and suggesting alternatives?” already raises a few red flags for me, as the groom in question is 11 years older than the bride-to-be (come at me all you want, but I read a lot of relationship advice subreddits, and often times when someone acts like a controlling asshole, there’s a big age gap involved) and trying to mansplain why a wedding dress is extravagant. Ugh, you douche. That aside, let’s dive in.

The groom writes:

“We are getting married in July of this year, the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.

Emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for ideas but is now looking to buy.

All that’s left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.

We jointly put aside 10k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6k left over, which I think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.

We aren’t the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for Emma to pick her dress. I know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attached to it. What I wasn’t expecting was a $950 dress plus $120 veil!

I’m using my dad’s old tux he used for his wedding to my mom, just had it taken in a little, Emma can’t use her mum’s dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn’t aged well, which is fair.

First off, I consider myself hashtag BLESSED to have a husband that can f*cking spell and understands proper grammar (I tried to correct the most egregious errors, but I didn’t feel like rewriting this guy’s entire post). That aside, the fact that this groom thinks $950 for a dress is expensive is laughable. I don’t recall even SEEING anything in that price range when I was wedding dress shopping, and I’m a f*cking bargain hunter. That’s great that groomzilla wants to wear his dad’s old-ass tux. I’m sure it isn’t dusty and I’m sure it doesn’t smell like 30-year-old sweat and cheap booze. Oh, and jazz snaps for acknowledging that the mother’s dress probably hasn’t aged well. So far, this is eye-roll-worthy at best, but it gets so much worse.

Yeah, It Gets So Much Worse

I had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! And so many just like the one Emma wants for like $50 to $100.

I’m not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1,000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon.

I tried to show her some dresses I found on a recommended app called Wish and but she was having none of it.

She is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?

It turned nasty unfortunately because I said I refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress.

Wich isn’t strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined.

Then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it’s not a case of not being able to afford it.

It’s a dress! there are identical ones online at a fraction of the cost.

I thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.

Hey, at least this guy knows how to Google, amirite? How commendable. Too bad he apparently doesn’t understand that you get what you pay for, and a cheap dress off some random site is probably not going to look like the picture. Additionally, for the groom to comment on his wife-to-be wanting her dress “fitted” is laughable. Has this jackass never seen Say Yes To The Dress, been to a single wedding, or ever just lived in a society? Of course the dress will be f*cking fitted! This isn’t some 8th grade dance dress she can buy off the rack at JC Penney. This is her wedding day and, short of the day she possibly has a kid or graduates with a Master’s or adopts six dogs, it’s pretty f*cking memorable and important.

The kicker, for me anyway, is that the bride is offering to use her own cash or her parent’s cash, and this guy is still clinging to his principles related to what he thinks the dress should cost. I don’t care how many “identical” dresses you found on Google that are likely created by tiny child slave hands for a fraction of the price. Let the woman get her f*cking dress. It has NOTHING to do with you and it isn’t your call, dude. I feel like the only reason this guy is so opposed to spending $1,000 of money that isn’t even his money yet, is because unlike the honeymoon, the dress doesn’t involve him and he doesn’t get to enjoy it.

Call Off That Wedding

AITA here? Is there something I am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress, Emma has been extremely cold towards me.

Then yesterday she said if I want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.

I’m blown away that she would say that over a dress, I told her she’s like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can’t have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent’s, who called to tell me I am much more than an asshole.

Anddd see what I mean about the age gap thing? The only toddler throwing a tantrum here is this guy who realized he may not be able to control his fiancée without pushback for the rest of their lives. So sad for him.

Don’t worry, Reddit promptly called him the asshole. The top comment by Redditor milee30 read, “YTA. You say you don’t want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. That’s cheap. That’s cheap even for a regular dress. Those cheap dresses you’re finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. Wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1,000 is actually a low priced dress. Regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her—calling her names and deciding you have veto power—is the real problem. You should be solving this issue together. If you can’t, maybe it’s not time to get married yet.”

And this story gets better, because OP posted an update.

EDIT: Emma found this thread, it was a mistake to post here and I’m sorry I posted our problems on reddit, iata

Yes, buddy, you are, in fact, the asshole here—but you’re an asshole because you’re controlling and have totally unrealistic expectations, and you’re trying to bully your fiancée into fitting those unrealistic expectations… not because you posted your relationship problems on Reddit. I hope this guy ends up at the altar alone for being such an absolute d*ck.

For Emma’s sake, I hope she called off the wedding. This guy sounds like red flag city, and if he’s going to bully her into cheaping out on a sh*tty wedding dress, who knows what other kind of stunts he’ll pull in the future (why would we buy a house when we can get this $2,000 shoebox in a crappy area that barely fits our bed?). Emma, if you’re reading this, blink twice if you need help.

Images: Charisse Kenion, Unsplash; Giphy (3)

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Puffy Sleeves, Macaroni Salad, & Pervy Dads

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

In case no one told you, planning a wedding is hard. As I have mentioned in about 87 other articles, I know firsthand how hard they are, so I am sympathetic to anyone going through this process because it will age you 100 years is a grueling one. To all of the ladies and gents who are just getting started, just remember that all a wedding is is a glorified party. I mean, unless Beyoncé accidentally stumbles in and decides to stay and sing a song during the reception, your rustic chic nuptials aren’t, like, that different from all of the other weddings we’ve all been forced happy to attend. Some, though, are so out-there that we can’t ignore them and must talk about them right this very second.

We received an email submission about a wedding that took place before most of you youths were even conceived, but it is so f*cking juicy that we couldn’t not cover the insanity that went down, so here we are. I was literally cringing the entire time I read it, and my neck is now sore from scrunching my shoulders up to my ears for however long it took me to get through the email. Honestly, worth it, though. Let’s get into it.

Our submitter writes: Jane was the first person in her family to go to college, but they all made fun of her until she dropped out. Fortunately, she met the love of her life, Derek, at that time, so she didn’t feel she needed school. He was a former high school jock now working in a gas station and she got a minimum wage at a retail job. Everyone’s happy. 

Good for Jane for being a first-generation college student and f*ck her hick family for making her feel bad about wanting to educate herself. Jane, honey, I know the ‘90s was a different time, but don’t perpetuate the stigma that women only need an education until we get a husband. However, high school me is giggling with glee that this once jock is now the creepy gas station guy with whom you don’t want to make eye contact when the pump eats your debit card. Ya truly love to see it… unless your friend is dating the jock-turned-gas-station-guy. And it’s not all sunshine and rainbows:

Dereck was the f*cking worst. He was totally controlling, jealous, abusive, and he cheated. Sometimes in front of her. She obviously wasn’t allowed to have friends or make plans or do anything that didn’t involve him. And she was required to speak to him entirely in baby talk. To this day I think of him as “Dewek.”

Hold. The. Phone. Ew that she “obviously” wasn’t allowed to have friends or do anything at all without getting her keeper’s boyfriend’s permission? Gross. I honestly don’t even know what to say about the baby talk thing because the second I read that, my bacon, egg and cheese started to creep its way back up my throat. I don’t even like when babies do baby talk, so count me the f*ck out when adults do it. These dudes always turn out to be serial killers. Run, Jane, run!! 

You In Danger Girl

Unfortunately, she did not run. In fact, the opposite.

Seven years later, they get engaged, but she and I have grown apart. I’ve moved away and I’m finishing my second degree while she’s barely been allowed to talk to me. Plus Dewek is her only topic of conversation anyway. She seriously DNGAF what’s going on in my life, but for some reason, she asks me to be her maid of honor. 

I’m no therapist, but this is textbook jealousy. You represent all of the things she could have been—chief among those things is educated. The maid of honor thing is definitely weird, but maybe she wants to make a big gesture to invite you back into her life and maybe help her escape Dewek? Who knows at this point, though.

Now, the next bit may be hard for the ’00s babies to understand, but use your imaginations and bear with me, kay?

This is in the late 90s, but Jane is HELLA 80s: like perm, spiked bangs, the works. She comes to the big city I’m living in with her four other bridesmaids to spend the weekend dragging us to various bridal shops trying to find the perfect puffed sleeves, off-the-shoulder, dusty rose scary-ass 80s crap that we will all be paying for ourselves. Huge fights ensue, one of Jane’s sisters is a vicious witch to every sales girl, and we all go home without dresses. Eventually Jane orders dresses from some boutique in her small town without any input from the bridesmaids and mine arrives six days before the wedding and is a size too small, so I start starving myself to fit into it. 

Drama, drama, drama. Ugh, starving yourself is never the answer. Stand up to your friend and tell her you don’t feel comfortable wearing an ugly dress that’s too small! Also, this is how I’m picturing these dresses:

rachel green bridesmaid

Then comes the wedding weekend. Turns out that the five bridesmaids were expected to fully create the entire wedding, including cleaning, setting up and decorating the “hall,” and cooking all the food! Apparently this was so obviously our job that no one thought to mention it to us. First, the hall. It was the local small town community center GYM. Like, lines on the floor for soccer and basketball, and no less than six basketball hoops. All five bridesmaids were sweeping, mopping, setting up folding tables and chairs, and blowing up hundreds of white balloons for two hours, and then climbing ladders to try and hide the hoops with the balloons. All while the five groomsmen stood outside and smoked. 

I am so over all of these brides asking their guests/bridal parties to cook and clean! I don’t even like asking my roommate to do that on any given Tuesday because I feel like I’m Miss Hannigan-ing her, so asking my friends to clean/cook for my wedding is out of the question. But at the very least, you would think the bride and groom would tell them??? I wish I could say this is the first time I’ve heard such an outrageous request, but this happens in almost every crazy wedding story we do! WTF??? 

Then back to Jane’s parents’ house where, it turns out, the five bridesmaids were expected to make food for 100 guests in the parents’ tiny kitchen the night before the wedding! The only thing I clearly remember was sitting on a wooden chair at 2am with a huge plastic bucket full of macaroni salad between my legs, which I was stirring with my whole arm. No one seemed to think this was strange or unhygienic. Then we were all given mattresses on the basement floor to sleep on.

If I was in this bridal party, now is right about when I would have staged a coup and/or dipped immediately. Whichever takes less energy. Macaroni salad at a Fourth of July cookout, yum! Macaroni salad at a wedding? Nope! Also, the mattresses on the basement floor is giving me serious American Horror Story vibes and I’m a little scared to keep going. 

Three hours of sleep later, we’re all up and getting ready. I’m exhausted and still not eating much because I want to fit in my dress. Jane’s dad, the one who has known me since I was eight years old, is hitting on me. I spent most of the day backed into corners so he’d stop stroking my ass. Jane’s mom has quite reasonably decided that this is my fault, so she is being an utter bitch to me. Jane is demanding that I help her stick maxi pads to the underarms of her dress because she has chosen a long-sleeved, high-necked, massive tulle-skirted monstrosity of a wedding dress, and it is 104 degrees outside. 

All I have to say about the dad is:

yikes

Re: the maxi pad situation… try antiperspirant, I guess? Don’t even get me started on the dress because it sounds like a direct assault to the eyes. Every bride has her own unique style, but this thing sounds offensive. 

The reception for me is blurry. It’s a cash bar, but as mentioned I hadn’t eaten for five days so I started drinking right away and I don’t remember anything after the first 10 mins, except for being expected to go into the small metal stalls in the bathroom with the bride to hold her massive skirts up while she peed. 

Ok, to be fair, it’s one of the more unfortunate tasks involved in being a maid of honor, but you are required to hold up the bride’s dress while she pees. However, my sympathy ends there. Cash bars at weddings shouldn’t be allowed. People are coming from far away, buying outfits, getting you gifts, etc. for your wedding, so the least the couple can do is let them drink for free. 

The reception ended just as I started to sober up (I ran out of cash) and that’s when I learned that the bridesmaids were solely responsible for cleaning the hall. In our frothy ‘80s dresses and sh*tty dyed-to-match heels. In 100-degree weather. We had to sweep and mop again, pack all the leftover food back into buckets, clean the bathrooms, put the tables and chairs away, and climb ladders to take down the balloons. The groomsmen obviously stayed outside and smoked. Jane’s dad continued to sexually assault me throughout. I finally sat down from sheer exhaustion and Jane’s mom arrived immediately to tell me to “get off your lazy ass and help.” 

I’m sorry, but wouldn’t the bride be excruciatingly embarrassed that her dad is literally sexually harassing her maid of honor and do something about it? Like????? Anyway, wtf is with the bridesmaids having to do all of the heavy lifting for this piece of sh*t wedding? Where did the bride and groom even go? And if the wedding is over, why are the groomsmen just standing around smoking still? Enjoy lung cancer, boys! All I have to say about the bride’s mom yelling at the MOH is that she can get off her lazy ass and control her disgusting husband’s hands. But more importantly, WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST LEAVE?? Were they being held at this wedding against their will? I truly don’t understand the lengths people will go to because they feel bad/want to avoid conflict.

I passed out on my basement floor mattress as soon as we got back to the parents’ house, and then got up early and left before the gift-opening. I must have been otherwise disappointing and/or offensive I guess, because Jane never spoke to me again. A mutual friend told me though that the marriage lasted eight months. 

LOL. Eight f*cking months. I’m dead. The fact that she even went to the wedding after the whole bridesmaid dress situation is pretty impressive, so she clearly wasn’t that disappointing. I am fully obsessed with this and need to know what the divorcées are up to. 

Can you top that craziness? Prove it! Submit your crazy wedding story to [email protected] with the subject line “Crazy Wedding Story”!

Images: NBC; Giphy (3)

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: They Made Their Guests Cook & Clean

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Because I have been single for about a hundred years, I’m not proud of how much I know about weddings. I don’t even know where I learned all this sh*t, maybe from planning my brother’s wedding in full, or maybe just from reading bridezilla stories from across the internet. Probably a little bit of both, tbh. Either way, I know enough about wedding etiquette to know when people are completely f*cking it up. Even though every bride with whom I’ve ever come into contact was absolutely a micromanager, that doesn’t mean all brides are super Type A and want every detail of their wedding to be just so. Some, in fact, are pretty chill and just want to push all the responsibilities on other people, like their planners, maids of honor or, in some f*cked up cases, their very own guests! That brings me to an email submission we received from the sister of a groom whose wedding was a true and utter sh*tshow. The first line of said submission is, “My brother’s wedding was a grade-A disaster and, to be frank, it was trash.” I knew I was in for a good time because this girl is as petty as she is honest, and I’m here for it. Grab the popcorn.

All you need to know at this point is that the newlyweds-to-be are violently high-maintenance, cheap af, and assholes. I mean, lethal combo. Also, the wedding is taking place in a very small town that has no hotels. Luckily, the bride’s family lives in/near said small town, so they’re set. Great!

My brother invited me, my fiancé, my sister, and parents to come from across the country and my aunt, uncle, and grandma to come from Europe. Neither bride nor groom thought about where people would stay, though, and imagined that our foreign family (who speaks little to no English) would just figure something out. In this small town that doesn’t even have a motel. 

I mean, I can’t even trust my English-speaking relatives to do anything at all, so I can’t imagine how confused and frustrated these foreigners must be trying to figure out Airbnb or whatever else is available in this hick town. I get that the bride and groom are probably overwhelmed with sh*t they have to do before the wedding, but providing a few options for family and friends to sleep is a pretty big one to forget about.

The family decided not to come and they eventually agreed to give my parents a spare room in their house. My fiancé, sister, and I got to sleep in tents in their yard. 

Understandable that the family would decline the invite, but what is not understandable is sleeping in a tent, like, ever, but especially the day before your brother’s wedding! WTF? I’d really like to know whose idea this was.

My brother asked me to make a wedding cake and cupcakes for them and I agreed that that would be my gift. Unfortunately, they insisted on a large-ish cake and enough cupcakes for each guest to have three. When I explained this was unnecessary, they insisted on the amount. Because they have such a small kitchen in their house I had to do all the baking and decorating the night before the wedding at a local bakery once they closed for the day. So I was up all night baking up a storm.

Okay, the groom sounds like he also kind of sucks. I am usually more excited about the prospect of a cupcake than I am sex, but three sounds like a little much. Like, yep, let’s eat an entire meal, cake and three smaller cakes, and then dance? No thanks! Also, the fact that the groom’s sister spent the night before her brother’s wedding baking 700 cupcakes in a random kitchen and then calling it a night in a f*cking tent on the bride’s front lawn is insane. I used to think I deserved sister of the decade award for simply existing in the same house as my idiot brothers, but this girl definitely earned the medal. She is a saint.

The night before the wedding is traditionally the rehearsal dinner, is it not? Well, none of my family was allowed to come to the rehearsal (there was no dinner) and when my mom and I came by the location to see where we would need to set up, the bride was pissed that we dared show up and that we weren’t cooking and baking for the next day.

Correct me if I’m wrong, which I’m not, but the rehearsal dinner is for family and out-of-towners, so it’s very weird and rude that the groom’s sister and parents were not only not invited, but expected to spend the night before their son’s/brother’s wedding cooking for it. That’s not all, though! The family wasn’t the only crew expected to bring some nosh to this wedding because IT WAS A POTLUCK WEDDING. I could spend paragraphs going off on how tacky that is, so to spare you all, I’ll just move on.

So we get to ceremony day and the bride is pissed at me and my sister, who are grooms women, for “not doing our jobs,” which were apparently to show the guests where to go, where to bring food, etc. We would have done it had anyone told us. Maybe she mentioned it during the rehearsal we weren’t invited to? Then everyone gets in their places and it’s ceremony time, but for whatever reason, there’s no music.

As a frequent wedding-goer, it is definitely not the job of anyone in the groom/bridal party to serve as ushers during the ceremony. That’s why they have, you know, specific ushers. Of course, the Bride from Hell blamed the sisters for the mess of guests and I bet she also blamed them for the lack of music. I can imagine her being like, “You were supposed to learn how to play violin for this, God! How did you not know??” She made sure everyone knew she was mad, but saved her most aggressive moments for the reception, where the guests were apparently supposed to drag their ceremony chairs themselves. Uh, k.

Then we get to the potluck cash bar reception. People are eating and drinking and things are normal until the bride gets drunk. She was wearing a short dress that she kept lifting up to flash everyone. Most of the guests were her family, so I’m sure they loved that! She doesn’t stop drinking and starts going up to female guests undoing our hair and trying to undress us. Then, the couple disappeared. No goodbyes or anything. They just left. People kept looking for them, but when we realized the couple was gone, all of the guests left. This was 9pm at the latest, real wild party. 

I wish I was making this up because there is so much to address here. Before I get into it, I just want to ask why there is a cash bar. The only reason people go to weddings is for the open bar…right? Also, why is Bridezilla flashing everyone? Bigger issue: why would her family love it?? Satan’s Bride obviously loves attention, so why is she ripping off the female guests’ clothes, too? I mean, obviously, like, don’t take off someone’s clothes if they want to keep their clothes on, but also this seems a little off-brand for someone who wants everyone’s eyes on her at all times. Just saying.

Lastly, I’ve been to a wedding or two during where the bride and groom disappear for a little, but I’ve always assumed they’re just, like banging in the bathroom or something because they always come back and pretend they’ve been here the whole time. This couple just straight up left. Qué?? And at 9pm? Jesus! I’ve had dinner reservations later than this sh*tshow of a wedding! 

So we cleaned the hall, packed up the food, and threw out a bunch of stuff (including the insane amount of cupcakes the bride made me bake) and got out of there. Then the couple proceeded to drunkenly fight with my mom when she got to the house and asked why they left without saying goodbye. Apparently they were done with the party and were mad that the DJ wouldn’t play the songs they requested. 

Wow, the guests are way better people than the couple. That’s for damn sure. I would have left that nightmare couple with that mess to clean up—not my circus, not my monkeys.

The next morning the bride started freaking out because she couldn’t find her tiara. Apparently she had one. Eventually we figured out that while she was drunk she threw it off (trying to be sexy, I think) and it landed behind the bar. The bartenders were super nice about the whole thing and kept it safe. This tiara was the most expensive part of this wedding it seemed.

It seemed? This tiara, which, knowing the bride, was probably from Claire’s, was easily the most expensive part of this trash wedding. I’m sure she’ll wear it everyday until the day she dies, too.

A juicy tidbit that the bride doesn’t know: their first dance song was the song my brother was supposed to use for first dance to when he was going to marry someone else. Someone the bride hates.

*Slow clap* Wow, ya truly love to see it. The sister really came full circle with that all-star pettiness and I’m so here for it. What do we think, fam? Is this a one-of-a-kind bridezilla or what? 

Can you top that? Submit your crazy wedding story to [email protected] with the subject line “Crazy Wedding Story”!

Image: The Creative Exchange / Unsplash

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Do My Entire Wedding For Free

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

You guys know how livid I get when people suggest you do something for “exposure”. You know why? It’s never the legit companies and brands that will actually give you good exposure that pull this sh*t. They understand the value of work and talent. It’s always no-name brands that will offer to “expose” you to their 12 followers. Take it from someone who’s been there—any job worth the exposure would actually pay you. This upcoming story, though, is somehow even worse than your regular, run-of-the-mill, cheap-ass unknown brand looking for free work. Because it’s a cheap-ass unknown person who thinks YOU should pay for literally everything in her entire wedding. I know what you’re thinking, and no, she’s not even an influencer!!

The Set-Up

Today’s story comes from Reddit’s /choosingbeggars subreddit, where a total douche-monkey of a human posted the most asinine Facebook post ever. WHO is friends with this trash anyway to see this post, I ask you? It starts off like this:

Ah yes, a brutal reminder of why I hate the South. “Hi y’all!”—it’s like she’s already gearing up to pyramid scheme all of us. Why do I already want to punch this chick in the face? “I can lol I deserve it”! All I can think of is this:

Also what the f*ck is with all the typos? “Afe getribg”? Girl, with that kind of proofreading, you should be writing for BuzzFeed (ba-dum ching). All I can do with this so far is feel really badly for Mr. David. But of course we’re just getting started.

Mrs. David goes on to tell us that she got a free historic wedding venue because Mr. David’s godmother owns it. Cool, good for you, Glen Coco. She even says, “This means my wedding will be historical! Lol!” Oh yes, I’m so sure that one day children will study the dream wedding of Mrs. David in their history books. Lol.

The Entitlement

So because the estate is far away and they’re having their honeymoon in Dubai, Mrs. David reasons that she shouldn’t have to pay for a damn thing in her own wedding. Sure, sure. She already has a free venue but why should she pay for travel costs?

Or a photographer?

Or a caterer?

Or a dress?

Or music? Flowers? Seating? And BTW, it must be an orchestra, because “this will be classy”.

But don’t worry everyone! Because, and I kid you not, Mrs. David is starting AN INSTAGRAM SOON! So you will be, and again, I quote, “begging for the opportunity” to work for exposure! Because obviously, Mrs. David will be an instant Instagram hit, making millions and paying you back for feeding probably 200 people in exposure!

I honestly wish I was kidding:

I’m not actually convinced this isn’t satire.

My favorite part is how Mrs. David demands that everyone be a professional (“not a hobby but getting PAID AS A JOB”) even though she isn’t willing to pay them at all. Does she not see the irony? Let me tell you, if anyone is willing to work for free for absolutely no reason, it means they can’t charge for their work. Meaning they aren’t paid for the work. Meaning they are not a professional, which by definition means being paid for said work.

Also, here’s what I don’t understand. They can afford a honeymoon in Dubai, but didn’t plan even a minor budget for a wedding? Don’t get me wrong, I can get behind the idea—I’d much rather go to Dubai then have a wedding—but then just… don’t have the wedding? They’re not even paying for a venue, or a dress, like I don’t understand how Mrs. David thought she’d have an entire wedding for free? Paid for by whom? Like, all of these people would have to pay out of their own pockets for these services, so that Mrs. David and her seven followers will give them exposure? I cannot comprehend this at all.

The Closing

Mrs. David then wraps it up:

Yeah, I’m sure everyone is just gonna jump right on that. While I’m so grateful to the Redditor who posted this, I’m a little salty that they included no comments. Like, the comments have to be absolutely amazing, right? What do you even say to something like this? I’ve got to acknowledge that this story seems fake, like that other viral wedding story that turned out to be a marketing ploy, but it’s more fun for me to act as if it’s real. I mean, people do suck, so you really never know.

All I can say is good luck to Mrs. David and her free dream wedding, and to Mr. David, I only have three words: Witness Protection Program.

Images: Fernanda Prado / Unsplash; Reddit; Tenor

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: When In-Laws Attack

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

For this wedding story, you need to fully understand how much goes into a wedding. It’s months, if not years, of picking the perfect venue, planning the perfect meal options, picking out each and every flower on the table. To me, this circus seems kind of like a nightmare scenario save for the open bar, but people spend thousands upon thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) for their wedding day. It’s a Big Deal, and a lot of time and money. A lot of people have had their dream weddings planned in their heads since they were children. I wasn’t really that kind of kid—instead, I would play Barbie, where she was a doctor/pilot/vet/mermaid/newspaper delivery girl (IDK why this was interesting, I think it was the matching pink bike). Whoever was my favorite at the time would also own ALL of the Barbie clothes so she could do a quick outfit change, while the reject Barbies sat naked in a pile in my closet. If anything, I was playing “serial killer” and didn’t even realize it. That aside, weddings mean a lot to people, both emotionally and financially. But let’s put ourselves in the shoes of the Redditor who posted in the Am I The Asshole forum about his wedding.

The Set-Up

Imagine planning your dream wedding. You know, the one you played out in your head as a small child, unless you were playing “serial killer” instead (hi). It’s 3 days away. You and your fiancée are super excited. She calls the venue to confirm a few things… only to find out that the entire wedding has been changed. Again, just DAYS before you’re supposed to walk down the aisle.

My girlfriend had no clue what he was talking about, and he reminded her of all the changes that had been put in recently. We had not approved any of these changes. We were able to get some of it put back the way it was but there are some things that we couldn’t change back at such short notice.

And it turns out… it was SABOTAGE!

The venue had been receiving emails from a nearly identical email address requesting these changes:

The venue forwarded us the emails asking for the changes so we could look over them. Our communication was being done via an email account we created solely for wedding stuff, and the email address which asked for the changes is the exact same address, except 2 letters are switched round.

And even worse, they were the exact same changes that the bride and groom got in huge fights with their parents about. In fact, the arguing had gotten so heated that the couple told their parents to f*ck all the way off, and that they would pay for the wedding themselves. So. I’m not a detective. But I’m pretty sure I know who made all the false changes. Luckily, our groom here is also a genius and cracked the case.

Right now the stuff that we wanted that is still in this wedding is my suit, the venue and the DJ. My girlfriend has gone to pick up her dress and she’s not heard from the shop so we’re assuming that hasn’t changed. I’m calling round everyone and it looks like the menu has been changed, as has the guest list and the cake. We paid for the wedding we’d planned and it looks like any additional costs from the changes (such as the extra people) were paid for by someone else, but they wouldn’t give me any of the card info for legal reasons.

We probably won’t be speaking to our parents again after this, unless one of them owns up in which case we’ll just stop speaking to that one, but this feels like a joint effort as it’s dealt with both sets of parent’s complaints.

This just really sucks, especially because they paid for their own wedding just to have it completely ruined. Also, could you imagine your guest list being altered like this? Some of your friends no longer being invited? Look, I have crazy parents but this is just so low. Did the parents think they somehow wouldn’t notice when they showed up to their wedding and everything was wrong?

The Problem

At this point—rightfully so, IMO—the couple is over it and want to elope and cancel the wedding. It’s not even their wedding at this point. Who could blame them? But there’s just a little, small issue:

However, we now have around 200 people attending this wedding in 3 days (our original guest list was about 100 including families and plus ones). People have booked hotels, planes, trains, and are coming from other countries to be here. None of these people have done anything to us and would be getting caught in the crossfire if we were to elope instead.

Unfortunately, all their family and friends already have this wedding trip planned and have no idea what’s happened. It’s also in three days. So this leads to the OP’s question: Are they the assholes if the cancel their sham of a wedding and elope?

Personally, I would still have the event, but cancel the ceremony part if it’s not what I want. Like, just do the reception and have the big party celebrating the marriage with my guest list (and the parents would not be on it). I would rip the venue a new asshole because, HI, you have a contract, and if they’re too dumb to double-check changes and read an email address, that is on them. I get that it’s a very strange situation, but at the end of the day, it’s the venue’s job to make sure everything is correct. I would get everything wrong completely refunded and I’d want some sh*t for free, too. Then I’d elope or do a small wedding ceremony my way and probably put a hit out on the parents.

Literally me in this scenario:

The Verdict

Most of Reddit seems to agree: our OP is NOT the asshole, the horrible parents are. But given that all their friends and non-insane family took the trouble to fly out, most of the opinions were similar to mine: salvage what you can of the wedding. but go through with at least the reception part. No reason to throw away all that money (and open bar!) when it’s already paid for and you probably can’t get the deposits all back. A few commenters even suggested getting bouncers for the parents—that is absolutely genius. I still would strongly consider suing the venue/the parents for money lost/paid for a wedding that wasn’t what they wanted, so they can have a proper redo or at least go on an awesome trip to make up for it.

Well, the OP thankfully updated, so here’s what went down:

FINAL UPDATE:

We had a small private thing where we signed the certificate with our closest friends, then we went to the planned ceremony and had a short service where we exchanged rings, followed by a reception.

We told the parents that they were not invited, told the venue they weren’t invited, the venue put what was essentially a bouncer at the door, and they still got in. They don’t seem to understand what they did wrong as they boasted to their guests that “they planned this, but we changed it to what you’re currently seeing” and their own guests ended up being the ones to tell them how fucked up that was. They were pretty much shamed by their guests into leaving about an hour after they arrived. Also, half their guests didn’t show, it was probably about 60-70% our guests in the end, and we definitely had the majority. Food (including cake) was sorted out but not decor, and venue are refunding us 50%, which was going to be 30%, but then they let the parents in.

We only spoke to them once to tell them that because after completely f*cking up our wedding plans they then couldn’t honour one simple request to not come, they would not be hearing from us, potentially ever again, and if they contacted us that would change to definitely never hearing from us again.

We are currently in the cab on our way to get drinks with the same friends who were at the signing earlier and then off on our honeymoon.

Okay, remember my suing the venue idea? They screwed up a binding contract and still let the demon parents in? The venue should have refunded everything at this point. They really, really suck at their jobs. I hope the OP and his new wife at least got to enjoy parts of their wedding, because this whole situation was majorly f*cked up. What would do if this happened to you? Obviously the parents are at fault, but would you also blame the venue? I mean, are you telling me any crazy person could makeup an email address and screw up anyone else’s wedding and no one will verify? If so, I may need to incorporate this into some kind of revenge scheme at some point. Do you think the OP did the right thing? Would you ever speak to your parents again? LMK.

Images: Scott Broome / Unsplash; Giphy (3)

Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Please Pay To Work For Free

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

Today’s wedding story is dual-purpose for me. For one, it is a great expression of how batshit unreasonable crazy brides (and occasionally grooms) are. And for two, it deals with a situation that is near and dear to my heart: artists being exploited for free services/for exposure/because you’re friends. By “near and dear to my heart,” I really mean, “ask me for free work and die”. K? We good? PSA everyone: artists have to pay bills, too, and you can’t pay them with “valuable exposure.” I’m not sure what causes the sickening, all-encompassing entitlement that makes brides be completely abusive and take advantage of their friends, but it’s creepy and gross, and we’re gonna call it out. What you’re about to see though, is even worse than the 10,000 emails I get from people who promise to make me a *star* as long as I work for free. Because this crazy-ass bride thought her photographer friend should pay HER to work.

The Set-Up

This story comes straight from Reddit’s Am I The Asshole forum, as so many of our psycho stories do. Our bride was getting married, so she asked The Photographer to do her photos. Pretty reasonable. Then the bride gave The Photographer the rate:

“You pay us $50 and then start taking photos that you can sell at the wedding to people who want them. That way we can use the money for the wedding and you still might get paid.”

Did you read that? And then read it again? And then read it one more time? Yes, THE BRIDE is asking The Photographer to PAY HER TO WORK FOR FREE, because then she can harass random wedding guests into buying the photos all night and therefore still “might get paid.” The photographer is also apparently now helping fund this wedding. I mean, I don’t see how The Photographer could refuse such a great opportunity. For the low, low price of $50, s/he can work for free, be a burden on everyone, and STILL might get paid. It’s like the dream.

The Crazy

Somehow, The Photographer didn’t just punch The Bride in the face, but calmly and kindly explained why s/he could not do the wedding. The Bride cried and made a big deal out of it, so The Photographer negotiated that s/he’d do the wedding photos for a fee of $50. At this point, The Photographer is either an insanely nice person, or a really shit photographer, because wedding photos usually cost between $2,000-$10,000. The Bride then lost her mind and called The Photographer a bad friend. I mean honestly, if you don’t have $50, you really should not have a wedding. You should probably use that money for living expenses and reconsider your life choices. But that’s not all!

Because The Bride then sent her army of skanks and her family to harass The Photographer into doing the wedding—again, for free, and while paying The Bride $50 to be there. Who even are these people? How would anyone think this was reasonable? If her friends and family were so concerned, why didn’t one of them front the $50 to pay the extremely cheap photographer? Am I on drugs, here? Am I missing something? It’s $50!

BUT THEN. Our poor Photographer tries to be even nicer:

“The messages got more and more entitled and demanding as this girl kept riling them on. Soon I’m getting messages from people saying I’m selfish and that I’m ruining my best friend’s wedding (they overestimate our friendship) and even that I should be ashamed for leaving a friend ‘out in the cold’. So I said I’d do it for free, because why not. Free booze. That wasn’t good enough. She was insistent I pay her.”

Because why not? How about because The Bride is a registered nutjob and this sounds like the wedding from hell? Also, I like how s/he’s ruining “my best friend’s wedding” when it doesn’t seem like The Photog was even actually invited to the wedding in the first place and was just asked to take free pictures and pay for it. But STILL, our hero, The Photographer, gallantly agreed to do this shit for free. For me, I would have upped my price to like $100k to have to deal with the crazy. That’s how much it would cost to get me to this wedding at this point. But no, still not good enough for The Bridezilla.

After the harassment continued, and got even more aggressive, The Photographer gave in and agreed to do the wedding and pay the $50. However, s/he never had any intention of going and just said it so that The Bride and her crazy family and friends would f*ck right off.

The Photographer is left alone, finally, until the wedding day, when the crazy messages start coming in again:

“Where the fuck are you? Where’s my money? I can’t believe you ruined blah blah blah.”

The Photographer received 100+ texts in 30 minutes, half a dozen phone calls, angry voicemails, and then, THE BRIDE’S DAD showed up to The Photographer’s house, screaming and banging the door down. He eventually left, but the next day, more texts/calls came in about how The Photographer ruined the wedding.

“People saying I really fucked everyone over, the bride needed $50 to pay her officiant which they had to then crowdsource. There were no pictures other than cell phone shots from guests. Apparently I was ‘called out’ in the best man’s speech.”

Wow, it’s almost like they should have hired a photographer. And paid them. Or even accepted the one that offered to do it FOR FREE. Why are these people acting like $50 to pay the officiant is such a huge deal? If you are having a wedding, that is the ONE THING you actually need to pay for. If you can’t afford it, don’t do it? I’m spending exactly zero dollars on weddings right now because I chose the spinster life. Try it.

The Photographer is currently getting roasted on social media and even by their own mom.

The Verdict

I’m sorry, there is just no way The Photographer is the asshole here, IMO. Why would it be their job to fund the officiant at the wedding? Offering to do the pictures so cheaply (and then for free) was way too generous to begin with. If you want wedding photos, you pay for it. Or you at least accept free help and don’t charge them for it. I’m super confused as to how The Bride convinced so many people that she was in the right. Was this wedding her own version of Jonestown? What kind of story did she spin that made this okay? Most Redditors seem to agree that The Photographer is NTA, with some exceptions coming from the fact that the OP did say s/he’d do it and then didn’t show up. But what was The Photographer really supposed to do? The crazies were harassing them endlessly until they gave in.

What would you have done in the situation? Do you think The Photographer was the asshole?

Do you have a crazy wedding story? Send it to [email protected] and we just might write about it.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (4)