Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
When we write these crazy wedding stories, I notice a lot of comments complaining that the story sounds fake. Okay, here’s the thing, guys. Unless I was physically f*cking there, how am I supposed to know if it’s fake? In fact, most of the crazier true stories sound the most fake. And if you don’t believe that people could really be as crazy as they sound in these stories, my advice to you is to hang out with more people. Seriously, people are f*cking batsh*t.
Now, I don’t go to that many weddings that have a total sh*t show happen for me to write about. Trust me, no one is more disappointed than I am. Weddings can be super boring, I would love if every one I went to had a disaster, Reddit-worthy story afterwards. But this story I’m about to tell you is 100% real. And I know this because my friend was in attendance at this wedding. So, you’re welcome, world.
We begin today’s fairytale wedding by torturing all the guests with a traditional Catholic mass. Look, I have nothing against Catholicism or mass, or whatever, but in my opinion, unless you’re certain that everyone at this wedding is a practicing, mass-going Catholic, it seems like cruel and unusual punishment to make someone sit through that entire thing just to attend the party your wedding. It is just way too long. And usually very dull. And the only snacks are that sad cracker that’s supposed to be the body of Christ.
A little backstory here: we like the groom, but his bride is The Devil, so we start the day off mostly just surprised she didn’t burst into flames upon entering the church. The groom might have been aware that he was going to make a big mistake, huge, with his nuptials (or maybe it’s the long-ass mass that send him over the edge?), but he was so frustrated/angry that he was screaming at members of his own family before and after the ceremony.
Tensions were already high because the bride and groom decided to get married on the hottest day of the year and everyone was miserable and sweating. For some reason, both the bride and groom didn’t think “hey, maybe we should like, provide water bottles to our poor, innocent bridal party and guests of people we supposedly love and care about.” So they were left sweltering through the mass/ceremony with no water until they arrived at the reception. The ceremony went fine and boring and whatevs, but somehow the groom forgot it was the happiest day of his life and verbally abused everyone in the limo on the way to the reception. But seriously, if you’re that stressed out about your wedding, maybe you need to rethink the whole marriage thing?
So my friend (and like, all the other guests) get to the reception to find that nothing is set up (doesn’t the venue have, like, guys for this?) and there is a THREE-HOUR GAP until it actually starts. (Why the bride and groom did not inform everyone of the gap, we will never know.) So everyone congregates around the hotel bar (thank god there’s a bar) for three hours to wait. The bridal party and the bride and groom’s family members and any sad sack friend in the vicinity, however, get roped into setting up the entire venue themselves. Again, where are the people who work at the venue? This has to have been someone’s job?
Meanwhile, the bride gets absolutely plastered, which is always the start of a really great sh*tshow. The reception eventually starts and everything goes fine until it’s time for speeches. But. The bride has now been drinking for one million hours, so she decides to give a speech (do the bride and groom usually give speeches? Isn’t that what vows are for?) vowing her undying love and passion for… her Maid of Honor. Not her new husband. Her MOH. Which really offended me, because I was MOH in a friend’s wedding last year, and she gave no such speech dedicating her undying love to me, so I guess we aren’t real friends, but whatever.
Here’s where the real fun starts. The bride has become such a blubbering, sloppy mess that her father has to physically remove her from the reception and put her in time-out in the bathroom. He then screams at her in the bathroom (and everyone could hear) that she’s humiliating him in front of his AA friends. He is a recovering alcoholic and all his sober buddies are in attendance. Yiiiiikes. Meanwhile, the groom is a stress ball and yelling at people left and right as well. So they’re just like, the loveliest, happiest couple you’ve ever seen.
I mean, at this point, I’d say just call it a night, but sadly, the story continues. The bride escapes from her bathroom prison and decides she needs to spend some time with her guests. What does spending time with guests mean to her, you ask? Wandering around and asking random people at her wedding whether or not they’re gay. Like, literally polling random guests on their sexual orientation. Why?? I will never know. She then told the groom’s aunt that if she “were gay, she’d f*ck” the aunt’s underage teenage daughter. Great way to welcome yourself into the family. Have I said yikes enough times yet?
Then later, the bride, somehow still standing, corners said cousin in the bathroom and attempts to grope her under her dress. This is where I’d chime in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of not trying to assault your underage wedding guests?!” Or like, maybe any wedding guests for that matter?
Luckily, no assault occurred, because the bride was removed from her own party by her dad carrying her out to the car.
And they lived happily ever after.
JK, I give it three years.
Have you ever been to a wedding where both the bride and groom were so miserable? Have you ever seen a bride be that much of a drunken sh*t show? Have you BEEN that bride that was the drunken sh*t show? Do you still not believe this story happened? If so, get out of here. Otherwise, tell me your stories.
Images: Viacheslav Boiko/Shutteerstock; Giphy (2)
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
Mazel and welcome to another edition of crazy wedding stories, brought to you by Reddit, our ongoing source of anonymous entertainment and shaming as it relates to matrimony. Today’s story comes to us from the always enthralling Reddit Am I The Asshole (AITA) subreddit, where clueless folks post long-winded tales and ask an audience of casual Reddit readers if their actions are defensible or deplorable. AITA has brought us grooms who want to wear jeans to their wedding, kick their sister out for not allowing kids to come at the last minute, and many more tales of wedding assholery.
This week, a man explains to us why he just doesn’t understand why his fianceé can’t find a wedding dress for $50-100. Why are men like this?
WTF Happened
The thread, titled “AITA i (38 m) for telling my fiancee (f 27) her wedding dress choice is way too extravagant and suggesting alternatives?” already raises a few red flags for me, as the groom in question is 11 years older than the bride-to-be (come at me all you want, but I read a lot of relationship advice subreddits, and often times when someone acts like a controlling asshole, there’s a big age gap involved) and trying to mansplain why a wedding dress is extravagant. Ugh, you douche. That aside, let’s dive in.
The groom writes:
“We are getting married in July of this year, the venue is booked and the wedding is pretty much sorted.
Emma has been researching dresses and has a little scrap book of lots of dresses she likes for ideas but is now looking to buy.
All that’s left to get is the bridesmaid dresses and her wedding dress.
We jointly put aside 10k each for the wedding, everything is paid and we have 6k left over, which I think could go towards the honeymoon on top of the honeymoon fund we already had.
We aren’t the extravagant type at all, then comes the time for Emma to pick her dress. I know everything is more expensive when it has the term wedding attached to it. What I wasn’t expecting was a $950 dress plus $120 veil!
I’m using my dad’s old tux he used for his wedding to my mom, just had it taken in a little, Emma can’t use her mum’s dress as her and her mum both say the style hasn’t aged well, which is fair.
First off, I consider myself hashtag BLESSED to have a husband that can f*cking spell and understands proper grammar (I tried to correct the most egregious errors, but I didn’t feel like rewriting this guy’s entire post). That aside, the fact that this groom thinks $950 for a dress is expensive is laughable. I don’t recall even SEEING anything in that price range when I was wedding dress shopping, and I’m a f*cking bargain hunter. That’s great that groomzilla wants to wear his dad’s old-ass tux. I’m sure it isn’t dusty and I’m sure it doesn’t smell like 30-year-old sweat and cheap booze. Oh, and jazz snaps for acknowledging that the mother’s dress probably hasn’t aged well. So far, this is eye-roll-worthy at best, but it gets so much worse.
Yeah, It Gets So Much Worse
I had a quick google around at dresses online and there were so many! And so many just like the one Emma wants for like $50 to $100.
I’m not trying to get her to cheap out on her dress but she will literally wear it once, one dress for over $1,000 is just insane that would fund our honeymoon.
I tried to show her some dresses I found on a recommended app called Wish and but she was having none of it.
She is very slender but apparantly wants it specially fitted?
It turned nasty unfortunately because I said I refuse to drop such a large amount of money on a dress and she argued that she is using her own money for the dress.
Wich isn’t strictly true as we ate about to marry and our finances will be joined.
Then her mom had to get involved, they offered to pay for the dress but it’s not a case of not being able to afford it.
It’s a dress! there are identical ones online at a fraction of the cost.
I thought she would be ecstatic to learn there are identical dresses for a fraction of the cost but she was really angry and upset.
Hey, at least this guy knows how to Google, amirite? How commendable. Too bad he apparently doesn’t understand that you get what you pay for, and a cheap dress off some random site is probably not going to look like the picture. Additionally, for the groom to comment on his wife-to-be wanting her dress “fitted” is laughable. Has this jackass never seen Say Yes To The Dress, been to a single wedding, or ever just lived in a society? Of course the dress will be f*cking fitted! This isn’t some 8th grade dance dress she can buy off the rack at JC Penney. This is her wedding day and, short of the day she possibly has a kid or graduates with a Master’s or adopts six dogs, it’s pretty f*cking memorable and important.
The kicker, for me anyway, is that the bride is offering to use her own cash or her parent’s cash, and this guy is still clinging to his principles related to what he thinks the dress should cost. I don’t care how many “identical” dresses you found on Google that are likely created by tiny child slave hands for a fraction of the price. Let the woman get her f*cking dress. It has NOTHING to do with you and it isn’t your call, dude. I feel like the only reason this guy is so opposed to spending $1,000 of money that isn’t even his money yet, is because unlike the honeymoon, the dress doesn’t involve him and he doesn’t get to enjoy it.
Call Off That Wedding
AITA here? Is there something I am seriously missing because after we argued about the dress, Emma has been extremely cold towards me.
Then yesterday she said if I want her to cheap out on her wedding dress on her wedding day that she needs to really consider if we are a good match for marriage.
I’m blown away that she would say that over a dress, I told her she’s like a toddler throwing a tantrum over a sparkly toy she can’t have, that was a mistake as she left to stay with her parent’s, who called to tell me I am much more than an asshole.
Anddd see what I mean about the age gap thing? The only toddler throwing a tantrum here is this guy who realized he may not be able to control his fiancée without pushback for the rest of their lives. So sad for him.
Don’t worry, Reddit promptly called him the asshole. The top comment by Redditor milee30 read, “YTA. You say you don’t want her to cheap out, but then you say you want her to buy a $50 -$100 wedding dress. That’s cheap. That’s cheap even for a regular dress. Those cheap dresses you’re finding online will look terrible in person and are the source of so many disappointed women and jokes. Wedding dresses and their tailoring are expensive. $1,000 is actually a low priced dress. Regardless of dress type, though, your reaction to her—calling her names and deciding you have veto power—is the real problem. You should be solving this issue together. If you can’t, maybe it’s not time to get married yet.”
And this story gets better, because OP posted an update.
EDIT: Emma found this thread, it was a mistake to post here and I’m sorry I posted our problems on reddit, iata
Yes, buddy, you are, in fact, the asshole here—but you’re an asshole because you’re controlling and have totally unrealistic expectations, and you’re trying to bully your fiancée into fitting those unrealistic expectations… not because you posted your relationship problems on Reddit. I hope this guy ends up at the altar alone for being such an absolute d*ck.
For Emma’s sake, I hope she called off the wedding. This guy sounds like red flag city, and if he’s going to bully her into cheaping out on a sh*tty wedding dress, who knows what other kind of stunts he’ll pull in the future (why would we buy a house when we can get this $2,000 shoebox in a crappy area that barely fits our bed?). Emma, if you’re reading this, blink twice if you need help.
Images: Charisse Kenion, Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.
You guys know how livid I get when people suggest you do something for “exposure”. You know why? It’s never the legit companies and brands that will actually give you good exposure that pull this sh*t. They understand the value of work and talent. It’s always no-name brands that will offer to “expose” you to their 12 followers. Take it from someone who’s been there—any job worth the exposure would actually pay you. This upcoming story, though, is somehow even worse than your regular, run-of-the-mill, cheap-ass unknown brand looking for free work. Because it’s a cheap-ass unknown person who thinks YOU should pay for literally everything in her entire wedding. I know what you’re thinking, and no, she’s not even an influencer!!
The Set-Up
Today’s story comes from Reddit’s /choosingbeggars subreddit, where a total douche-monkey of a human posted the most asinine Facebook post ever. WHO is friends with this trash anyway to see this post, I ask you? It starts off like this:
Ah yes, a brutal reminder of why I hate the South. “Hi y’all!”—it’s like she’s already gearing up to pyramid scheme all of us. Why do I already want to punch this chick in the face? “I can lol I deserve it”! All I can think of is this:
Also what the f*ck is with all the typos? “Afe getribg”? Girl, with that kind of proofreading, you should be writing for BuzzFeed (ba-dum ching). All I can do with this so far is feel really badly for Mr. David. But of course we’re just getting started.
Mrs. David goes on to tell us that she got a free historic wedding venue because Mr. David’s godmother owns it. Cool, good for you, Glen Coco. She even says, “This means my wedding will be historical! Lol!” Oh yes, I’m so sure that one day children will study the dream wedding of Mrs. David in their history books. Lol.
The Entitlement
So because the estate is far away and they’re having their honeymoon in Dubai, Mrs. David reasons that she shouldn’t have to pay for a damn thing in her own wedding. Sure, sure. She already has a free venue but why should she pay for travel costs?
Or a photographer?
Or a caterer?
Or a dress?
Or music? Flowers? Seating? And BTW, it must be an orchestra, because “this will be classy”.
But don’t worry everyone! Because, and I kid you not, Mrs. David is starting AN INSTAGRAM SOON! So you will be, and again, I quote, “begging for the opportunity” to work for exposure! Because obviously, Mrs. David will be an instant Instagram hit, making millions and paying you back for feeding probably 200 people in exposure!
I honestly wish I was kidding:
I’m not actually convinced this isn’t satire.
My favorite part is how Mrs. David demands that everyone be a professional (“not a hobby but getting PAID AS A JOB”) even though she isn’t willing to pay them at all. Does she not see the irony? Let me tell you, if anyone is willing to work for free for absolutely no reason, it means they can’t charge for their work. Meaning they aren’t paid for the work. Meaning they are not a professional, which by definition means being paid for said work.
Also, here’s what I don’t understand. They can afford a honeymoon in Dubai, but didn’t plan even a minor budget for a wedding? Don’t get me wrong, I can get behind the idea—I’d much rather go to Dubai then have a wedding—but then just… don’t have the wedding? They’re not even paying for a venue, or a dress, like I don’t understand how Mrs. David thought she’d have an entire wedding for free? Paid for by whom? Like, all of these people would have to pay out of their own pockets for these services, so that Mrs. David and her seven followers will give them exposure? I cannot comprehend this at all.
The Closing
Mrs. David then wraps it up:
Yeah, I’m sure everyone is just gonna jump right on that. While I’m so grateful to the Redditor who posted this, I’m a little salty that they included no comments. Like, the comments have to be absolutely amazing, right? What do you even say to something like this? I’ve got to acknowledge that this story seems fake, like that other viral wedding story that turned out to be a marketing ploy, but it’s more fun for me to act as if it’s real. I mean, people do suck, so you really never know.
All I can say is good luck to Mrs. David and her free dream wedding, and to Mr. David, I only have three words: Witness Protection Program.
Images: Fernanda Prado / Unsplash; Reddit; Tenor
Your wedding day is pretty much all about you (and like, a little about the person you’re marrying). However, there are a lot of factors that’ll determine the day you end up having. The biggest one, for most people, is your guests. People have to travel. People have to eat and drink. And people need to be told when, where, and what outfit to show off. In fact, pretty much all of your wedding day planning decisions are going to land somewhere in the middle of what you want and what makes sense for your guests.
Our psycho bride today appeared on Reddit and is not adhering to these unspoken rules. Not only is she not adhering, but her idea of a dream wedding is f*cking insane.
Setting The Scene
This absolutely f*cking bonkers story was discovered in, where else, the Am I The Asshole subreddit. It’s really just the gift that keeps on giving. This thread is a real doozy. Let me be the first (well, not the first—there are quite a few commenters who share my feelings) to say yes, these people are 100% assholes. Let’s explore why:
“Every year on our anniversary, my fiance and I wake up early to go to the beach and watch the sunrise together. It’s a very special tradition, as we have both overcome a number of personal challenges during our time together, and the symbolism of watching a new day begin is deeply meaningful for us.”
Aww, that’s v nice fam. Good for you, jazz snaps all around.
“We decided we wanted to incorporate this into our wedding. Our plan is to have our ceremony on the beach and have everyone walk over to a beachfront restaurant for breakfast, bloody Marys and mimosas (we’ve already talked to the restaurant owner about this, who loves the idea and said he’d be happy to open early for us). After that, everyone is free for the remainder of the day. Our friends and family are mostly local and should all be able to travel to the beach in under an hour, except for some extended family flying in from Canada, but that’s unavoidable.”
LOL WUT. Wait, like, are you honestly, HONESTLY expecting me, your beloved mother/aunty/future MIL/bridesmaid to wake the f*ck up WHILE IT’S DARK OUTSIDE and on a F*CKING WEEKEND to watch you guys get married at the ACTUAL asscrack of dawn? And then to partake in the worst kind of wedding of all—a breakfast wedding?! I must be misinterpreting this, right?
The Nitty Gritty
“Based on our geographic location and the date of the wedding next summer, we’ve scheduled the ceremony start time for 5:30 a.m., when there should be plenty of light but the sun itself won’t be quite visible yet.”
NOPE. It’s a hard nope from me, dawg. So, if the ceremony is starting at 5:30am, that means the bride and her posse are going to have to be awake for hair and makeup at what time? 2:30? That doesn’t sound fun. That doesn’t sound like a super fetch time. In fact, that sounds like f*cking torture. And don’t tell me you and the girls can just pull an all-nighter. As someone who has had to do the wedding day thing exactly once, I will tell you that a good night’s sleep is absolutely imperative to having a non-terrible day.
Also, if, like the Reddit post said, the majority of guests live an hour away, that means they need to prepare to arrive around 5-5:15am, forcing them to leave their homes around 4am, which makes wake-up time around 2:30-3am, depending how long it takes these people to get ready and chug some coffee before they drive bleary-eyed in the dark. This sounds unsafe and downright rude.
How’s Everyone Feeling?
“We’ve been getting a LOT of backlash from our families about this, who say this is way too early and we need to move the ceremony to a more ‘normal’ time of day. But my fiance and I don’t feel like we’re asking for anything that unreasonable. AITA?”
OMG, you’ve been getting backlash? Are you f*cking surprised?! You’re asking people to travel in the day before or earlier in order to wake up at 3am, then be totally dead for the rest of the day. Do you honestly expect ANYONE to start drinking at 6am? What am I, in college? I’m an adult! Maybe not a high-functioning adult, but an adult nonetheless!
The options for your guests are either to pull an all-nighter and be completely useless the next day, forcing them to stay overnight in a hotel to sleep it off, or drive home after the drunk wears off around noon and crawl into bed. Like, what planet am I on?
Why not incorporate the sunrise into the end of the reception? Like, have a late ceremony at sunset, which would be symbolic AF, dance and drink all night, then encourage all of your guests to stay up for the sunrise grand finale. Wow, I should be a f*cking wedding planner.
Obviously, this Reddit poster has officially been labeled an asshole and comments have been closed. Here’s to hoping the bride and groom change their mind and do something more normal, unless they plan on giving everyone a LOT of really good drugs to stay awake for 24 hours.
Images: Derek Thomson / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
