Insecure Bride Wants To Make Her Bridesmaid Look Ugly On Purpose

I really don’t understand the stress people put on themselves when it comes to weddings. It’s such a circus and financial burden on absolutely everyone involved. Even worse, it drives brides to go full-on batsh*t. I mean, I don’t think a wedding is entirely to blame. But I think if you’re like, bordering on crazy prior to wedding, the pressure will make you go full Chad Johnson. I love reading stories about brides losing it, though. It gives me sick pleasure, but then I also wonder what poor bastard proposed to these psychos. Well, this story I’m about to tell you is going to make you scream, “And I’M still single?!”

So our latest crazy bride posted in a Facebook group asking if she’s an asshole for trying to purposely sabotage her best friend at her wedding. She wants to make her best friend wear an ugly bridesmaids dress on purpose. I’ve personally worn many a hideous bridesmaid dress, but usually it’s because the bride has horrible taste, not sabotage. Choosing really hideous bridesmaids dresses means really hideous pictures, though. It seems like a waste.

But back to this bride. Apparently, her best friend is “significantly hotter” and even laments, “f*ck she is way too gorgeous”. Huh. I’ve literally never said this about a friend, but maybe because I’m not insecure?

The bride continues to say that four guys have used her to get to the friend, and she’s competed with her their whole lives only to “receive half the attention she does”. Ew. First of all, you shouldn’t compete with anyone, but especially not your friends. It’s weird and pointless. Also, it sounds like your friend isn’t competing with you. You’re in a sad, pathetic, one-woman competition. And you’re losing. What’s weird to me is this woman is getting married. So like, honey, you found a guy that clearly likes you more than your best friend! Why is this still an issue? And also, if this friend makes you feel so badly about yourself, why still be friends with her?

Well, Crazy Bride then says she “doesn’t dwell on it” (sure, Jan, you seem like you’re in a great place), and she loves the friend like a sister. Um? What kind of toxic family is this? Actually, it sounds a bit like my sister, but that’s neither here nor there.

Crazy Bride then plays victim about how hard it is for her to be less hot. She writes, “It’s gotten really frustrating after years of less-than-subtle people pointing out her good looks.”

Are you kidding? I feel bad for your best friend who probably has no idea what a jealous freak you are. Then Crazy Bride decides to justify her actions because, although it’s her insecurity, making the friend look ugly on her wedding is “cheaper than therapy”. I promise you dear, the problem is deeper than the bridesmaid dress, and you f*cking need therapy.

Crazy Bride then wraps up by posting the dress options. Because the friend “doesn’t look good in green” and “hates her (perfect) shoulders”, both dresses are scary, green, awful one-shoulder monstrosities. BTW, if the friend’s shoulders are perfect but she just hates them, you’re purposefully trying to make her feel insecure, too. F*cking gross. Also f*cking gross? The dresses. One is lime green and would be so insanely distracting in photos and definitely take attention from bride. The other looks like pajamas.

Here’s the full post and a look at the horrendous dresses. Yes honey, you are the asshole. You shouldn’t have any friends or be allowed to get married.

The funny thing about this is that if this bride does choose these dresses, she’s only shooting herself in the foot because she has to look at this eyesore in her wedding pictures until the end of time. Also? If the friend really is that gorgeous, she will probably look hot in anything. And finally, is is not a night out at the bar, it’s your wedding, OP. You are not even going to have time to eat, so I seriously doubt you will be able to field requests for your bridesmaid’s number. Just saying.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever been so jealous of a friend? What do you think the bride should do in this situation? LMK in the comments.

Images: Tenor; Giphy; Facebook

Insane Bride Cancels Entire Wedding After Her Guests Refuse To Pay For It

If you’re a bridesmaid who is one Etsy link away from dropping out of the wedding and changing your identity, let me tell you a story about a bridezilla that’s for sure crazier than anything your obnoxious college roommate has pulled. Only four days before her wedding, this insane bride allegedly called the whole thing off and broke up with her fiancé, who also happens to be her high school sweetheart, and the father of her son. I mean, people cancel weddings all of the time so that isn’t really that nuts. But, this betch called it all off because after asking each guest to contribute $1,500, basically nobody RSVP’d and she couldn’t pay for it. Yes, this bride asked her guests to contribute $1,500 EACH for HER wedding. 

In a tweet that we should all thank the internet gods for making viral, Twitter user @0lspicykeychain (I’ll let the username slide because sharing this story is truly a public service) shared some screenshots from an insane post in a wedding shaming group. Sidenote: remind yourself to join a wedding shaming group later. Also, please remember that this is literally just a viral Twitter thread and if it’s all just a scam for favorites, none of us can be mad because this is the life we live in 2018.

If you have a solid 10 mins to absorb this, I present a very real status shared in a wedding shaming group I'm a part of

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 25, 2018

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 25, 2018

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 26, 2018

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 26, 2018

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 26, 2018

— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 26, 2018

Honestly, this ex-bride must secretly be a YouTuber or something because the level of extra she develops just to begin the story is ridiculous. At the very least, she probably has the MTV Casting Calls page bookmarked.

“You’re all involved somehow, somehow everyone is wrapped into this mess. Even if you weren’t invited to my wedding, I don’t care,” the bridezilla wrote to a literal Facebook group. “You might hear of the drama and I’d rather you hear it from me. I’m not asking for sympathy. I just want to tell my story.”

The chick then goes on to explain that although she and her ex had saved up about $15,000, she requested $1,000 to $1,500 from each guest to fund her $60,000 wedding and also set up a Go Fund Me page. And no, scaling back wasn’t an option. Apparently, she visited a psychic who told her to throw a baller wedding and also thinks she has like, a god-given right to live like a Kardashian. Okay. The worst part is, she wasn’t even like, kind of remorseful about it. She literally wrote “Our request for $1,500 for all other guests was not f*cking out of the ordinary. Like, we made it CLEAR. If you couldn’t contribute, you weren’t invited to our exclusive wedding.”

Umm… I’m sorry, but half of the people you invited were probably pissed about the thought of having to buy you a KitchenAid mixer, let alone contribute to your wedding fund. Besides, it’s not like most of the money they’d be sending would actually go to them. According to The Knot, the average cost per plate is $268… and that’s when you factor in the states where you can pull off a decent wedding for 20 grand. I have no idea where this woman lives, but if she’s anywhere near the tristate area, $60,000 is not that far off for the average cost of a wedding. If she was actually looking to throw a Kardashian blowout, she was going to need way more cash than that.

Perhaps the worst part of this entire thing is that eight people actually sent back RSVPs with checks. These are probably the same people who are funding the lifestyle of the Nigerian prince who slides into old people’s emails and drains all their savings.

After homegirl realized she wasn’t going to be able to have a bunch of suckers her friends fund her “dream wedding,” she supposedly had a full-on panic attack when her ex-fiancé offered they get hitched in Vegas. Yikes.

Anyway, eventually the maid of honor and all of the bridesmaids dipped out, which led to everything else crumbling and the wedding being called off. This woman claims that she and her ex plan to remain civil, but she’s also planning a two month backpack across South America, so we’ll see how that goes.

So, yeah. There’s your daily dose of insanity. This b*tch literally wrote, “Just f*cking give me money for my wedding”—shocker that didn’t turn out well for her. If it turns out that this entire thing is a marketing ploy for some wedding reality show, I’ll be kind of annoyed, but I will absolutely watch it.

Images: 0lspicykeychain / Twitter (6); Giphy (2)

The 5 Most Psychotic Brides We Found On The Internet

There’s nothing better than laughing at someone else’s misfortune, and this becomes especially true when it comes to weddings. Whether it’s Pinterest fails, atrociously off-trend décor,  or relationship drama at the altar, the internet has become our go-to source for all things terrible, and we’re here for it.

Because it’s Monday and we care about you, we’ve scoured the internet for the absolute worst (see: best) horror stories when it comes to psycho brides. Take these as a note of what not to do, or what you have to compete with if being a psycho is your forte.

1. The Bride Who Wanted Everyone To Be Fatter Than Her

Yes, we found this tale from where … well, just read it: “My sister in law asked her bridesmaids (me included) to gain 5-10 kilos to make her look better in comparison. I just can’t understand that.” … for the record, 5-10 kilos is about 11-22 pounds. LOL.

Gain Weight

2. The Bride Who Made Her Bridesmaid Change Her Hair

One bride we found demanded that her ginger bridesmaid (who arguably has no soul anyway) DYE HER HAIR. Why, you ask? Good Housekeeping details the horror: “ seemed pretty standard but then when she got into the look she wants for her bridesmaids she wrote, ‘, you’ll need to dye your hair for the day, I’ll take you to my hairdresser and cover the cost :),’ writes the Redditor, who notes that this possibility had not previously been mentioned to her. ‘I’m a natural ginger, so it’s not like I have an outrageous hair colour, although and her other bridesmaids are all brunettes.’” LOL STOP.

3. The Bride Who Took “Looking The Prettiest” To The Extreme

According to HuffPost UK: “I saw a bride kick ugly people out of a group photo.” All right, but like, who hasn’t done this?

You Think You're Really Pretty

4. The Bride Who I Ain’t Sayin’ Is A Gold Digger, But…

Ranker told the tale of one bride who demanded people in her wedding party be of a certain … caliber. “In what might be the worst Bridezilla manifesto of all time, one bridezilla wrote: ‘If you are poor, then you can’t afford to be my friend. Tax records, annual salary and home value may be used in evidence to assertion who is ‘wedding party worthy.’’” I’m dead.

5. The Bride Whose Groom Committed A Crime Against Fashion

In probably one of my favorite stories, HuffPost UK reports that a bride LEFT HER GROOM AT THE ALTAR over a terrible fashion crime. “Bride slapped her husband and left him at the altar as he was wearing a red tie instead of a bright pink flowery one that she wanted all the men to wear to fit in with her ‘pink princess wedding’. She told him in a text that he had ‘ruined her special day’.”

You're Tacky And I Hate You

God bless the internet.