Gather round, children, and let me tell you the twisted tale of how Courtney Love (#TBT) may have conspired with a Riverdale star and Britney Spears’ ex manager to have her daughter’s ex-husband murdered. Yeah. Just sit with that for a sec. You ready? Let’s dive in…
Our story begins back in May, when Frances Bean Cobain’s ex-husband (side note: Frances Bean is old enough to be married and divorced??) Isaiah Silva filed a lawsuit against Courtney Love, Love’s manager Sam Lufti (who also used to be Britney Spears’ manager), and several other men. While suing Courtney Love is nothing out of the ordinary, the crime the lawsuit alleges she committed 100% is. According to the suit, Love conspired with these men to break into his house and steal back the acoustic guitar Kurt Cobain played during Nirvana’s iconic 1993 MTV Unplugged performance. (Secondary sidenote: don’t give your dead dad’s important sh*t to anyone, even if you’re married to them. You never know what might happen. Pete Davidson, I’m looking at you, boo.)
But they didn’t just want the guitar, grunge fans—oh no. They wanted blood. According to Silva’s lawsuit, part of the plan was not only to steal the guitar, but also to kill him. And that’s not all. This lawsuit also names Riverdale and 13 Reasons Why star Ross Butler as one of the murderous accomplices. It’s hard to believe someone with a major role in two of the biggest teen dramas of the year would even have the time to commit a murder but, then again, who knows what Ross was up to in 2016. We were all different then. I didn’t even have bangs.
Butler is asking the courts dismiss the suit and is denying that he ever tried to murder anyone—acting releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don’t kill rock legends’ daughter’s ex-husbands. They just don’t! But this story is too juicy not to at least entertain it for a little while.
So What Does Each Side Say?
According to Silva, Sam Lufti, Ross Butler, and some other randos showed up at his house in June of 2016, burglarized him, “sexually battered” him, tried to kill him, and attempted to steal back Kurt’s guitar. He says they got into the house by pretending to be cops, beat him up, and dragged him to an Escalade and drove away. Luckily for Silva, a friend who was visiting ran out of the house and called 911, then used his own car to block their exit, effectively ending the attempted kidnapping. When the LAPD showed up, Silva says Lufti told him he and Courtney “own the judicial system,” and pressured Silva into saying it was a “prank gone wrong.” He also says someone hacked his phone to plant false suicidal messages so that they could make his death look like a suicide. And all this for a guitar that they didn’t even get.
In Butler’s version of the story, on the night in question he and Lufti drove to Silva’s house because they were concerned over some “troubling text messages” and wanted to make sure Frances and Isaiah were okay. When they arrived, Butler says they noticed sheets covering the windows and knocked on the front door, which set off an alarm. Butler says eventually someone came to the door and he was greeted “calmly and amicably by Silva.” He also describes Silva as “frail, emaciated, and had a terrible odor.” Damn. So his defense is basically, “I never tried to murder anyone and also you smell like sh*t.”
Apparently after that, Butler claims that “another man” called the police, who arrived, spoke to everyone, and left. He says he was “shocked” to learn Silva had sued him. Butler is now demanding the claims be dismissed.
Soooo What Do We Think?
Umm…this seems…far fetched? I’m not one to shy away from murder conspiracies involving Courtney Love, but what does Ross Butler have to gain here? On the other hand, both Silva and Frances Bean have been embroiled in a battle over her father’s guitar for years, and it was eventually awarded to Silva in the divorce settlement, (I REPEAT: DO NOT GIVE YOUR DEAD DAD’S STUFF TO YOUR SPOUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LIKE THEM!!!) so I could see this getting ugly. Also Sam Lufti is shady as f*ck, and Britney had to get a restraining order against him back in the day. And if Britney doesn’t trust you, then I don’t trust you. That’s just the rule.
On the other other hand, if someone broke into your house, beat you up, and tried to steal your one of a kind guitar, wouldn’t you like…pursue a criminal case and not just sue them? Also, if they did all that sh*t, why didn’t they get the guitar? If you were going to fake a suicide, why would you take the person out of the house? Also, why did his friend only run out of the house at the end and not doing anything during the burglary/assault/attempted murder? And if he had been beaten up so badly wouldn’t the LAPD have like, noticed that when the arrived? Also, why does Silva smell so bad? These are questions I have.
So do I think that Courtney Love, Britney Spears’ ex manager, and Ross Butler conspired to kill someone and steal his guitar? Probs not. Do I think it would make an amazing plotline on Riverdale? Hell yeah.
If the red carpet segment of the Academy Awards got its own spin-off show with even more paparazzi and less Ryan Seacrest commentary, it would be the Met Gala. The Met Gala, thrown at the Met in New York (obviously), is the one time of year where every A-list guest can act like they give a shit about Anna Wintour and no one can say anything about it. A-List celebs are always invited, but along with your Rihannas and your Kardashians and your Beyoncés (conspicuously absent this year, actually) some people get through Met security that are just so fucking random. Every year there’s bound to be at least one Met Gala guest who shows up tragically underdressed and whom you have to stare at for like, five full minutes before you say, “Wait is that Glen Coco?” Here’s the definitive ranking of the most random guests that somehow made the cut this year:
8. Paris Jackson
People keep telling me that Paris Jackson is an actress and a model, but I’ve yet to see any evidence of this. Does being Michael Jackson’s daughter just mean you’re an actress? What roles has she played? Her IMDB literally has one entry, and it is for a show that has yet to be released that I’ve never heard of called Star, and she is not even the star. I feel like that’s the equivalent of writing “entrepreneur” on your resume when you’re really just unemployed. Is this person famous? Apparently she did one campaign for Chanel in March, but like, if that’s the standard for getting into the Met Gala shouldn’t every ANTM winner also be present?
7. Courtney Love
Hard to imagine someone less suited for a classy A-List event than Courtney Love, but here we are. Love got to hitch a ride to the Met Gala on the coattails of her daughter, Frances Bean (name brought to you by heroin addiction), who is apparently modeling for Marc Jacobs now. Honestly, I’m kind of happy Courtney was there, if only as a reminder that she is still alive. I mean, her face looks like she’s been stung by a thousand bees, but she walked the red carpet and kissed her daughter on the mouth and stuff so she appears to be in good spirits. Funny how she could never score an invite to the gala when she was like, relevant.
6. Solange Knowles
A BIT confused why Solange attended this event sans Beyoncé. Look, Solange is cool and all. “Don’t Touch My Hair” is a good song. “Cranes In The Sky” WAS a good song before every radio station stabbed it to death and then stomped over its corpse, burned it, and smoked the ashes. Anyway, Solange had a cool wedding where she wore a cool white cape thing. It was funny when she punched Jay Z in the elevator, and after Lemonade it’s even more so. But when I’m sitting at home waiting hoping for a doubly pregnant Beyoncé to get carried in by a hoard of male models while angels surround her, having to watch Solange walk the red carpet in her Old Navy winter coat just feels rude.
5. Hailee Steinfeld
Ugh, WHO let this girl in the door? I mean, she stepped up her game at Coachella the other weekend by managing not to look like a 13-year-old playing dress-up, but we’re still kinda confused as to what the hype is with this girl. We get that she was nominated for an Oscar, but that was seven years ago. And she didn’t even win. Is it her voice? Because if I hear another “Starving” mash-up come on in the middle of a SoulCycle class I’ll literally leave, my $34 be damned.
4. Ansel Elgort
Oh great, Augustus Waters is here for a little TBT action. Seriously, this guy totally blew up when Fault in Our Stars came out a couple years ago, but then everyone forgot about him, so why did he get invited to this event? Like, yeah he’s good-looking, but is that all you need for a Met Gala invite these days? Does Anna Wintour even know who you are? Seriously. Raise your hand if you didn’t quite remember who this was until I said he was in Fault In Our Stars. Be honest.
3. Megyn Kelly
Megyn Kelly might be a major boss in terms of TV journalists, but let’s be real—she doesn’t even go here. The Met Gala’s guest is probably divided into 40 percent Hollywood actors, 30 percent singers, 20 percent models, and then like, 10 percent “others,” and Megyn def went in the last category. Maybe she wants to get more screen time to help her go to war against Kelly Ripa? Either way, this dress looks like she got it from Sears.
2. Jaden Smith
Oh no, NOT Jaden Smith. Can we stop trying to make the Smith children happen, please? This is the kid who said “How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren’t real.” How long are we going to continue to enable this child? Like, yes he’s family friends with Kendall and Kylie but Kendall and Kylie at least know how to behave (kind of). This kid brought his own human hair with him as an accessory. Dude shows up with a literal bouquet of his own dreadlocks and we’re just gonna be like, “Sure, keep being famous! you’re doing great!” No. We should have shut this shit down when he wore a white Batman suit to Kim and Kanye’s wedding. Now we have to live with the consequences.
1. The Winklevoss Twins
Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss are those twins from The Social Network who say the word Harvard six times per sentence and are still super bitter about Zuckerberg “stealing” their idea. Only, the twins at the Met Gala were the real Winklevi and not even the cleverly edited ones played by Armie Hammer, so we’re doubly confused. I mean, where do we even start with this invite? Did they just send in an envelope of cash and threaten to sue if they didn’t get invited? Plus, why do they even want to be there? For a selfie with Karlie Kloss?
