Whether it’s #ad posts by the “influencers” you follow or selfies from those basic bitches you went to high school with, you’ve probably become familiar with those face masks that have become popular thanks to Instagram. That’s right, we’re referring to those black masks that are supposed to rip out your disgusting blackheads when you peel them off and the scrubs that look like coffee grinds. And in case you’ve ever wondered whether the Instagram face masks actually work or if they just make for a #selflovesunday post to distract you from the Sunday scaries, we’re here to give you a real review of the masks to let you know which ones are actually worth buying—no spon posts included.
Okay, so the Instagram posts make this mask look like it’s a smooth, millennial pink mask and it claims that it detoxifies, brightens, tighten pores, boosts radiance and protects against pollutants. Rest assured, that’s mostly is true. After a good 20 minutes, three times a week your skin will be clear, bright, and you’ll be asking yourself what a pore is. However, the only downfall is that it doesn’t go on as smooth as a lot of the Instagram posts suggest. It’s also not really a millennial pink color and it flakes off pretty easily, but those are just small prices to pay for the way your skin will look after consistently using this.
Does this mask rip out blackheads like the popular vloggers suggest? Yes. Does it hurt? Also yes. Are the results completely worth it? Absolutely. We know what you’re thinking, another beauty product that’s infused with charcoal—must be another fad, and pretty soon we’ll go back to only using it to grill hot dogs on the 4th of July, right? Wrong. Activated charcoal helps extract impurities like dirt, oil, and daily grime. When used in this luminizing mask, it rids your face of blackheads and dirt and leaves your pores noticeably smaller and skin noticeably clearer, even after just one use. Simply apply to clean dry skin, let it sit for 20-ish minutes, and peel off. Be sure to examine the mask closely so you can see everything that it pulled out of your face (ew).
Okay, while not technically a face mask, Frank Body’s Original Coffee Scrub is the coffee grind scrub that you’ve seen countless Instagram betches using while they smile and laugh like they’re in a Noxzema commercial. But does it actually exfoliate, moisturize and promote collagen production like it claims it does? Yes—skin is left clean, soft, and radiant. And the best part? It smells like you’re rubbing a citrusy frappuccino all over your skin.
If you’re into looking like a psycho in the name of clear skin, then you should nab a Neutrogena Light Therapy Acne Mask. The mask contains both blue and red LED lights—blue to kill acne causing bacteria and red to enhance collagen production for smooth, wrinkle-free skin. Plop the mask on clean skin for 10 minutes during your nightly Netflix binge, and you’ll begin to notice how smooth and radiant your face becomes.
Yet another one of those Instagram face masks that makes you look batshit crazy, Dr. Jart’s Hydration Lover Rubber Mask kind of looks like you’re wearing a baby blue condom on your face. But it also works, and really fucking well—just like all of Dr. Jart’s products. This mask contains a phyto keratin complex to improve water retention (aka help keep your skin moisturized), and green seaweed extract which helps to maintain a balanced skin tone and leaves skin feeling soft and supple.
So you know those bubbly face masks that kind of resemble Freddy Krueger’s face? GLAMGLOW’s Bubblesheet Oxygenating Deep Cleanse Mask is the best. By far. Wash your face, leave it a little damp, align the sheet mask with your eyes and nose and sit for five-ish minutes as the sheet bubbles (and tickles) your face. When the bubbles subside, peel the mask off and gently massage the remaining serum into your skin. Voila! Glowing, moisturized skin with an unbelievably even texture. You’re welcome.
If there’s anything the selfie kid at the Super Bowl taught us it’s that we, as a culture, are
slowly turning into an episode of Black Mirror obsessed with our selfies. God, I want to set myself on fire just writing that sentence. According to a recent review by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS), 2017 was a huuuuge, very big year for plastic surgery and 2018 is about to be even more lit. Last year, plastic surgeons saw an 80 percent increase of cosmetic non-surgical procedures, like injectables, that are v popular with the Kylie Jenner wannabe crowd twentysomethings. And apparently we can thank “selfie culture” for that. No, seriously. This is the world we live in. According to the AARPS survey, 55 percent of facial plastic surgeons saw patients who wanted to PHYSICALLY ALTER their appearances, I assume so they could look better in their Instagram stories. And that number is only predicted to grow in the new year. Welcome to 2018, fam. I guess it’s time to lean the fuck in. And you know what I always say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em rank the shit out of every procedure so at least people will be able to make a smart, educated decision about the surgical Insta filter they’re about to put in their face. And my parents thought I wouldn’t be able to use my journalism degree after college! So here is a definitive list of the best and worst plastic surgery trends of 2018:
Plastic Surgery Trends That Are Worth It
The Non-Surgical Nose Job: If you thought we left nose jobs back in the early 00’s with Ashlee Simpson, you’d be wrong. Now, instead of doing traditional rhinoplasty, people are using injectables to change the shapes of their noses in a procedure that takes less than 15 minutes, or the time it takes for me to start and end a relationship on Hinge. Plastic surgeons inject a hyaluronic acid filler to smooth out imperfections and help contour the nose shape. The cool thing is the procedure isn’t permanent. The injections won’t last longer than two years, so like, about as long as it will take you to work out your quarter life crisis and learn to love your nose again.
PRP Injections: Platelet-Rich Plasma, or PRP injections have been slowly gaining a cult following for a while now thanks to Kim Kardashian and
the thousands of dollars she was paid to promote it for 30 seconds her Instagram account. Remember vampire facials? This is basically the same thing. Surgeons take a patient’s own blood and spin it to extract platelets and growth factors. They then separate out the plasma and incubate it for hours to multiply its healing agents before injecting it back into the patient’s skin or hair follicles to rejuvenate skin and regenerate hair growth. So basically, some fucking sorcery is at play here, but your skin will look good AF by the end of it. Blessings.
Plastic Surgery Trends To Skip
Eyelid Procedures: Yeah, you heard me right. People are fucking with their eyelids now, because nothing is sacred anymore, goddamnit. Fifty-seven percent of plastic surgeons are saying their patients are not only obsessed with selfies, but also gaining a competitive edge in their careers, which is why kids these days are injecting shit into their eyelids to minimize dark circles and under eye bags. Fucking genius. And while normally I’m in full support of any and everything that will hide the evidence of my hangovers, the fillers they inject into your eyelids only last a year at the most and then you turn back into
a pumpkin your ratchet-ass self. Pass. I’d rather just live my truth from the beginning.
Botox: If you’re under 30 and regularly subjecting yourself to this shit, then you need to take a serious fucking look inward. First of all, there’s so many anti-aging treatments out there that cost a fraction of what botox does, so save your money for where it really should be spent: the bar. Secondly, YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF FUCKING 30. Fucking chill. Just because your mother has low-key been sending you mommy memes and YouTube videos of babies since the day you graduated college does not mean you’re actually old and should start injecting shit into your skin.
Fillers: Fillers are, like, so
2015 Kylie Jenner last year. Not to mention, this is the year that plastic surgeons are, like, realizing stuff, and that stuff is that your body can actually build up an immunity to fillers, meaning fillers might actually be useless. Whatttt. That’s right, it’s 2018 people, and by 2019 Kylie might look more unrecognizable than her first driver’s permit photo. And we thought motherhood was going to be the craziest transformation we’d see of her. Bottom line: unless you’re looking for a v v short-term solution, don’t waste your time (and money) on fillers anymore.
Images: Giphy (5)