We know you probably never want to hear the words “coronavirus,” “quarantine,” and “unprecedented times” again, but unfortunately The Rona is still among us. Corona brides across the world are lost when it comes to what to do now that their wedding has been postponed or canceled. The days of saying “I do” in front of friends and family and taking shots with your bridesmaids at the open bar seem so distant, but we’re hopeful that the investment towards celebrating this new chapter in your life is worth the wait. For those of you that have officially made the decision to share your vows with your S.O. in 2021, you’re probably wondering WTF to do with all of your plans now? Don’t freak out, because we’ve gone ahead and asked the experts to share their thoughts on what couples can be doing in the meantime to ensure that all t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted before the big day.
Get Organized
Yes, you probably had everything planned out perfectly, right down to your personalized stationery before the virus happened, but now that your plans have changed, there’s some tricky re-thinking to do. “It goes without saying that trying to navigate the postponement of a wedding is mind-boggling, and it can be hard to know where to start, or better yet, figure out an organized way to keep track of your progress and your remaining to-dos,” says Lisa Bowser, Founder of Brite Lite, a company that makes LED neon signs. “Lists on lists on lists can be quite boring to look at, yes?” Um, yes! Bowser recommends the acrylic dry-erase Goals Calendar to eliminate your wedding stress. Bonus: you can still use it in your home after your wedding planning process is (finally) over.
Read Your Contracts
I know we’re all programmed to click “accept terms and conditions” without a second thought, but with circumstances constantly changing as our world adapts to the virus, it’s essential that you and your future spouse have your contingency plans up-to-date. As AJ Williams, Founder and Creative Director at Boston-based event planning company AJ Events, recommends, “When reading your contracts, make sure you have your planner and vendors develop a rescheduling contract or addendum, and to change the Force Majeure to include pandemics and decreased capacity due to government mandates.” This way, you won’t have to scramble to make things work any more than you’ve already had to.
See What Safety Precautions Your Vendors Are Taking
When you do end up walking down the aisle, you want to be sure all possible measures are put in place to ensure that your guests stay happy and healthy. AJ Williams reports that for all future events, his company “will require cleaning/sanitation measures from our vendors and venues working on our events and add sanitation efforts plus add supplies at attendee check-in to protect the safety of our work environment and your attendees while allowing us to continue to service our clients.” He adds, “We have created branded plexi walls on our bar and catering stations, adorable customized face masks with your favorite quote or funny message or emoji icon to include your signature style. Get creative while keeping safe.” So make sure you check with your vendors to see how they’re adapting to these (my brain: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it) unprecedented times.
Enjoy Your Engagement
Though you’ve (understandably) been mentally designing your reception place cards since the moment you got a ring on your finger, take this unique opportunity to sit back, relax, and enjoy this extra time of being engaged to the love of your life. Of course, says Taylor Waxman of L.A.-based event design and production company KED & Co., “Changing your wedding date can be emotionally draining. Managing your friends and family travel plans, rescheduling your vendors to make sure everyone is available on the same day and overall reimagining a new date in a new year—you’ve been through it.”
When adjusting your wedding planning timeline, though, staying sane is essential. “Don’t over plan,” advises Waxman. “It’s very easy to focus on your wedding during this time, but our biggest advice is: don’t. Once you have your vendors and location rescheduled and all guests are alerted of the new date, take a step back to enjoy your engagement. Spend quality time with your partner, schedule outdoor picnics or Zoom dinners with family and friends, take this time to reconnect and appreciate what is around you.”
Make The Process Fun
Now that you’ve got some extra time to plan things out, you and your partner can hone in on achieving the wedding of your dreams. Sarah Kuhlberg, Creative Director at Colette’s Catering and Events, suggests that you “Cast aside what might be typical wedding traditions, and do what YOU really, truly want for your wedding. Explore bright colors, beautiful seasonal menus, wine flown in from your favorite winery, book a unique outdoor venue, mix and match your linen pattern choices, custom built backdrops from local artists, neon signage, etc. Now you have the time to really customize!”
While it’s easy to get overwhelmed with pressing health concerns on top of your color scheme choices, “Making the difficult decision to postpone your wedding should be the hardest part. Once you’ve done that, try to make the rest of the process fun,” advises Matt Ramirez, Senior VP of Marketing at Generation Tux. “Look at new wedding trends, new seasonal colors, and opportunities to update your wedding plans! Everyone in the wedding industry knows this is a tough time for couples, and we’re here to work with you. Take this time with your husband to design the look of your wedding suit or tux again, order some free swatches, and get a free home try-on delivered to the groom.”
If you want to get creative without overloading your plate, Taylor Waxman suggests designing your own thank you notes online, finding custom postage for your wedding invitations, registering for gifts, working on your wedding website, finalizing your guest list, and choosing meaningful songs to be played during your ceremony. She also suggested pulling inspiration images (as if you needed an excuse to add to the wedding Pinterest board you’ve had since college.). “Focus on your style and look, try not to go too deep in detail,” she recommends. “Keep this light and fun.”
Can’t Wait? Go For It!
As Nike says, “Just Do It.” If you and your S.O. are itching to get married ASAP, Sarah Kuhlberg suggests having a mini wedding and eloping in your backyard, and then scheduling a reception for a year later so you can celebrate your first anniversary with friends and family. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box and feel free to “Create your dream celebration and know that this new wedding style is something we are all getting used to.”
Images: Natasha Fernandez / Pexels; Britelitetribe.com; @betchesbrides / Instagram
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Remember on NYE when everyone was convinced 2020 was going to be our golden era? We all rocked the flapper dresses, gulped the champagne, and decided that this decade was made for us. Yeah, that didn’t exactly work out the way we thought, and for anyone with plans to wed in the new decade, it’s been an absolute nightmare. With restrictions and health concerns due to a literal global pandemic, a large percentage of weddings since March have been postponed, scaled down, or ultimately, canceled.
Now, as the country begins to open up, it’s sort of tricky to tell whether or not it’s okay to move forward with wedding plans. And while it’s confusing for newlyweds, it also poses a difficult choice for guests who still make the cut on reduced guest lists. Whether you’re a frontline worker, have a compromised immune system, are looking to protect your family members, or just don’t feel comfortable being in crowds yet (since, you know, it’s strongly advised to still adhere to social distancing measures until a vaccine is developed, which could take up to 18 months), deciding not to attend a 2020 wedding is a big—yet totally warranted—decision.
While couples planning weddings should think long and hard about their celebration, ultimately, guests have the choice of whether or not to attend. And if you’ve decided to RSVP “no” to events in the near future, here’s how to do it tactfully in a way that hopefully won’t ruin your relationships.
Tell Them At The Right Time
Just like with everything wedding-related, telling someone you’re not going to their event needs to be done at the right time. If you haven’t received an invitation yet, just wait. There’s no need to hit them with a barrage of texts yet. Once it’s time to RSVP, evaluate your relationship to figure out the best way to break the news. If it’s an acquaintance, a simple “regret” with a nice note about hating to miss it should suffice. If they’re a closer pal or you’re *gasp* in the wedding, it will take a little more finesse to tell them the news.
If you happen to be in the party (ugh), bring up your concerns ASAP—you don’t want to lay this on a bride the week before her big day. If you can discuss it before ordering a dress, all the better so you’re not stuck with a $200 baby blue chiffon gown you’ll never wear in your closet. In the normal world, after committing to being in a wedding, it’s majorly f*cked up to back out. Now, however, is a different story. Tell the truth, offer a solution (like attending virtually, of course), and continue to remind them how much they mean to you.
Be Honest (But Not Too Honest)
Chances are, the couple has thought through their decision extensively. While it’s risky to have a large-scale event right now, if they’re adhering to their state’s restrictions, there’s not much you can do. Gotta love Florida and Texas! That said, there’s no reason to lie or be unclear about why you’re missing their big day. Tell them you don’t feel comfortable, express your concerns if you must, then wish them the best. While you might want to send a five-page long text rant, it’s best to keep things short, simple, and polite.
Support Them As Best You Can
If you’re close friends with the couple or in the wedding party, your decision might be met with some serious guilt-tripping. Whatever your relationship is, that’s not a reason to put yourself, your loved ones, or other people at risk, no matter what the to-be-wed couple says. Once you decide not to attend, stand firm in your decision but offer additional ways you can help. Maybe that means offering to be there for them in other ways, like organizing streaming links or sending out favors to virtual guests. Just because you’re not going to be there IRL, it doesn’t mean you can’t assist the (most likely very stressed and upset) couple.
Send A Gift
Maybe I’m just a sucker for glitter cards and giant bows (I blame my sorority days), but gifts are truly my love language. And when it comes to weddings, it’s the love language of every single couple out there. No matter how much they insist that they don’t need gifts, that they don’t want gifts, send them a GD gift. This is doubly important if you’re not attending the wedding and even more so in the time of corona. Odds are that $200 check will mean more to them now than ever.
Don’t Feel Guilty
Okay, the couple probably wants you to feel at least a little guilty. Ultimately, however, this is a very stressful time for everyone, whether you’re getting married or not. While there are complicated decisions and not-so-great solutions on both sides, at some point, you just have to commit one way or another. Be kind, be respectful, and be ready for some really raging baby showers for all of the corona couples in a few short years. Trust us, they’ve earned it.
Images: Victoria Priessnitz / Unsplash; betchesbrides / Instagram
So, how about 2020 weddings, huh? First spring events got taken away, then summer, and now weddings through the rest of 2020 and the start of 2021 are in jeopardy. While there’s no cut-and-dried answer for what the future of weddings will look like (it’s not like we have ESPN or something), being prepared, knowing the facts, and having a realistic plan is the best course of action to ensuring you get to celebrate safely.
Before you decide to say “f*ck it” and just optimistically move forward with your original plans, however, international wedding educator and founder of Love Inc., Brittny Drye, suggests taking a good, hard look at the current situation. “It all really depends on where you live and what your venue looks like,” says Drye. “Several states have already opened up and outdoor venues are allowing full capacity, whereas if you live in hard-hit places like New York City and/or have an indoor venue, there’s a strong chance that you won’t be allowed to celebrate at full guest capacity.”
We know it sucks. Like, really sucks. “It’s okay to be sad about it,” Drye insists. “Take the time to mourn the fact that this significant life event is having to be postponed” or changed. Whenever you’re ready (and there’s no rush, brides), a few options that experts suggest for having a wedding amidst these ~unprecedented times~ include scaling back to things like a minimony, elopement, or microwedding. Even if they look a little different than events did in the past, we’re putting them all out there so you can figure out which one feels best to your situation and relationship.
Minimony, Elopement, & Microwedding: Explained
There are three mainstream options for couples looking to celebrate (and pivot away from the big wedding concept which, truthfully, doesn’t exactly seem realistic rn). Here’s how Drye breaks the new events down:
Elopement: “An elopement is an intimate ceremony—usually just the couple, officiant and/or a witness. While traditionally elopements are spontaneous, they are now becoming much more planned events, with couples traveling to breathtaking destinations to do them.”
Minimony: “A minimony is a term coined by The Knot that has been applied to commitment ceremonies taking place during COVID for couples who have had to postpone their wedding. It’s a way to honor your original wedding date, and perhaps even get legally married, with the expectation of doing the full celebration at a postponed date. It typically takes place in your home and you may have friends/family witness via Zoom or a few in-person with social distancing.”
Microwedding: “Think of a microwedding as a cross between an elopement and a big traditional wedding. Microweddings are 50 people or less, but still have design details.” Basically, it’s like a pre-2020 wedding, but on a smaller scale.
How To Decide Which Event Is Right For You
There’s no right or wrong decision here when deciding how you want to move forward with your big day. Drye suggests sitting down and having a frank discussion about what you and your partner prioritize.
“Is it having all of your friends and family there in-person? Or would you rather spend money on the guest experience and have fewer guests? During these COVID times, what does your timeline look like? Do you intend to stick to your original wedding date no matter what, or are you okay with waiting?” If budget is your deciding factor, typically a minimony is the least expensive option, followed by an elopement and then a microwedding.
Tips For A Perfect Elopement
Elopements have been around since looooong before COVID, and for good reason: They’re (mostly) drama-free and romantic as hell. There’s literally zero concern about seating charts, who gets a plus-one, and whether or not to invite that one frenemy who always says passive-aggressive comments about your hair. It’s just you, your partner, your officiant, a witness or two, and a photographer so you can put the bulk of your budget toward getting breathtaking shots.
Just because you’re having the most intimate of ceremonies doesn’t mean your day needs to be any less beautiful. “Destination elopements are increasing in popularity—on a mountaintop in Colorado, amongst the rolling green hills of Ireland, on a beach in Hawaii,” Drye suggests. “And if you’re looking to add more stylized elements into your elopement, seek out a planner who offers elopement packages to help coordinate.” You can make it special by incorporating elements like wearing your mother or grandmother’s veil, having special readings or sharing your own vows, and even including elements such as a floral backdrop, a first dance in the woods, or a romantic picnic-for-two to celebrate afterward.
Tips For A Perfect Minimony
If you’re going the minimony route (which means you’re having either a legal elopement or a commitment ceremony and then partying HARD when it’s finally safe to have a large event) you can still make your at-home day extraordinary. “You can bring in vendors from your main event to incorporate elements into your minimony, such as having your DJ play a setlist for your guests to dance to or even your first dance, have your cake designer send sweets to guests and a mini cake to you so you can have a virtual cake-cutting ceremony, or have your floral designer create an arrangement to display,” suggests Drye.
Even if you don’t opt for a full minimony and choose to just reschedule, Drye advises to still do something special on what would have been your original wedding date. Dance in your kitchen, share a piece of cake, have a candlelit dinner, and rock that wedding night lingerie. The only thing sadder than moving your wedding date is moving your wedding date and spending your original date sitting at home doing nothing.
Tips For A Perfect Microwedding
If you don’t want to postpone, don’t want to have a ceremony at home, and want to celebrate with your VIPs, a microwedding might be the perfect solution. Basically, it’s a 50-person-or-less (including vendors) event that has all the good stuff a traditional wedding has: ceremony, reception, dancing, drinks, and spending way too much money on things like flowers and flatware.
“Microweddings were already on the rise pre-COVID, and what’s interesting is that while going that route can certainly save you money, couples were still spending average-sized budgets. If you really want to wow with the guest experience, microweddings allow your budget to stretch much more since you have fewer people,” says Drye, adding, “one of the perks of a microwedding is that it’s much easier to add personalized touches for guests, such as handwritten notes at their place settings, specialty tastings, or individual mini cakes for each person.”
In addition to creating a truly memorable guest experience, a microwedding also opens up the options to more creative venues such as breweries, museums, or gardens—places that can’t accommodate the more traditional large-scale events of the past. But note, while the wedding is on a smaller scale (and can typically be planned within a 6-month timeframe), it’s still a good idea to work with a planner if your budget permits. This will not only ensure the day goes as planned, but will also help with adhering to any and all safety regulations. Luckily, many planners now offer microwedding packages that are less expensive than their standard packages.
How To Change Your Plans
“Under normal circumstances, anyone you send a save-the-date to receives an invite, but we’re currently dealing with unprecedented times,” notes Drye. “If you’re pivoting from a large-scale wedding to a microwedding, elopement, or minimony, simply have an honest conversation with those on your guest list who you have to cut.” It might feel weird, but (I hope) literally everyone understands the health and safety concerns. Ultimately, what matters is that you have a day that feels the most genuine to you and your love story.
As for how to decide who to cut, Drye advises eliminating circles, as opposed to individuals, so people don’t take it personally. “For example, those who have to travel out of state or older guests who are more at risk,” she says. Once you make your decision, inform guests via phone or video call, not text or email. Yes, it’s awkward, but your chances of salvaging your relationship with those guests kinda rely on it.
At the end of the day, it sucks. It sucks that you have to change your plans and you have to plan sh*t all over again. Ultimately, however, as long as you marry your person and splurge on a top-of-the-line photographer, your day will still invoke jealousy out of anyone who happens to hate-stalk you and that, my friends, is what weddings are all about.
Images: Eliza Szablinska / Unsplash; @betchesbrides / Instagram (4)
It’s no secret: coronavirus is one giant happiness cockblock. It’s stealing jobs, lives, and security right out from under our noses. It’s messing with some of the most longed-for and looked-forward-to events, like graduations, proms, and weddings. While there’s a lot of uncertainty surrounding the future of ~the best day of your life,~ I like to think it’s better to be informed than in the dark and luckily, The Knot released its report on the future of weddings, which shed some much-needed light on WTF is going on and WTF is going to happen to the wedding industry as a result of the pandemic.
According to The Knot, “Most engaged couples whose weddings have been impacted by COVID-19 are not canceling their weddings (92% globally, 93% in the U.S.), and are rescheduling for either later this year, 2021, or not making any changes at this time. With a strong desire to celebrate their weddings as they had originally planned, 94% of couples in the US and 87% globally do not plan to reduce their overall guest count, and 95% in the U.S. and 90% globally do not anticipate lowering their budget.”
What does this mean? Couples still want to party, they still want to shell out tons of money to do it, and they don’t really want to limit their guest counts. So, let’s figure out how can we make all of this happen. First, however, I want to say: Brides, this sucks. Majorly. I’m not here to sugarcoat or undermine it—odds are you’re getting that enough from estranged aunts and strangers on Facebook. What I am here to do is inform you and help you think of creative solutions you’re excited about that will make past brides pissed off that they didn’t think of the ideas first.
Guests Will Party In Shifts
“If and when the CDC and federal government do relax social distancing restrictions, there may be limitations in the number of people permitted to be in the same room,” Jeffra Trumpower, Sr. Creative Director at WeddingWire tells Betches. The problem is, literally no one wants to limit their guest count. The solution the wedding industry is going to start implementing is called a “shift wedding.” Basically, you get to have the same party, in the same venue, with the same vendor team, and everyone you want (and were forced to invite) can still attend, but you’ll just celebrate in shifts, with sanitation measures being taken between each.
How to make it not suck: Personally, I think the idea of shift weddings is genius. First, you can have an outdoor ceremony (yup, outdoor venues are expected to be on a rise) where everyone can attend and stand/sit far away from each other (or maybe you have the ceremony separately, just include your closest friends and family, or you had a “minimony” on Zoom prior to the celebration), then, you move into shifts. The first shift is, naturally, the older folks. Grandparents, parents’ friends, etc. Yes, this will be the most boring part, but on the plus side, you’ll actually get a chance to eat because it will be a good excuse to stop talking to strangers for a few minutes.
Once that shift is over, you can move on to your B-tier group of friends. Think of this as your pregame for your actual party with your ride-or-dies. You’ll get some drinks, chat about old times, and ease into the event. Then, finally, your faves (say, your top 50) come in and tear sh*t up. It’s like having your own pregame at your wedding, and honestly, it sounds kinda awesome.
Sanitation Guidelines
Whenever events are allowed to happen again, you can bet your honeymoon fund that sanitation requirements will be increased, even after COVID-19 has calmed down. This means staff will most likely be wearing masks and gloves and some (if not all) guests will as well. Things like hand sanitizer stations and washing areas will become a staple in events and cleaning between each “shift” or event will be even more rigorous. While it might not be something you originally envisioned, experts say the guidelines are here to stay for a while, so plan accordingly.
“While weddings may look a bit different in the near future, the wedding professional community is incredibly dedicated to ensuring couples are able to celebrate their love with those nearest and dearest to them, while still being safe and healthy,” said Emily Clarke, founder of Emily Clarke Events.
How to make it not suck: “Putting a personalized touch to these measures will go a long way in normalizing the incorporation into weddings and keeping the positive, fun spirit of a wedding intact,” explained Clarke. “For instance, create personalized hand-sanitizing wipes in petite packages with guests’ names on them so people can sanitize as soon as they sit down for dinner.”
Another idea I’m obsessed with is having caterers walking around with personalized hand sanitizer on silver trays (just like they would with drinks at cocktail hour) or create a cute sanitization station.
Finally, utilizing gloves and masks can actually be low-key cute. Back in the olden days, gloves were seen as an elegant fashion accessory, and some brides still rock them today. Distribute gloves in your wedding colors (or all white or black) to guests and get some masks personalized for any high-risk or elderly guests to wear if they need. This could be a great time to incorporate your interests or hobbies as a couple, so don’t be afraid to do something silly, like your dog’s face on the mask.
Virtual Components
As someone whose maid of honor couldn’t attend her wedding because she had just given birth, important people missing out on big days has been a part of wedding history since forever. Sh*t happens, things come up. The exciting aspect surrounding the uptick in virtual options is that people who wouldn’t have been able to make it in the first place (or for whom it would have be risky to do so) now have options that are thought-out and coordinated to be a part of your event, inside of just a shaky FaceTime, which is how my MOH watched my wedding.
How to make it not suck: The good news is, the wedding industry is full of the most creative people in the world, and their job is to create beautiful events. From sending at-risk guests personalized favors, food, and links to having a roaming Zoom party bot that can mingle with guests at the event (disclosure: I don’t know what a “Zoom party bot” is, but experts says they’ll be utilized and I’m picturing some sort of DJ Roomba-like robot with a screen zooming around and allowing home guests to interact) — the ways to incorporate social distancing don’t have to be a bummer. “We will get creative to make sure our couples’ weddings are as special as they can be, even in the midst of a pandemic,” insists Jove Meyer, the owner and creative director of Jove Meyer Events.
Catering And Entertaining
“Caterers will likely focus on plated dinners, instead of buffets or family-style meals, so there is less interaction with food and guests,” says Meyer. While traditional buffets might be out for a while, that doesn’t mean you have to completely forego your stations or hors d’oeuvres. Likely, it will just look different. If you long for a buffet, chances are your venue will instead have more, smaller stations and call different tables to get their food one at a time as opposed to a long, close-knit line.
Adhering to cleanliness codes and thinking outside-the-box with food prep and display isn’t a new concept for caterers, “but one that is certainly being amplified and enhanced starting now,” Christie Altendorf of D’Amico Catering told The Knot. “New levels of safety are being discussed every day to proactively protect our guests and staff. While what we know is rapidly evolving, I think it’s safe to expect, as live gatherings return, there will be several measures put in place that we’ve never had to consider before.”
While that might seem like bad news, it actually isn’t. “I believe we’re going to see many new serving styles conceptualized,” Altendorf insisted. Which means you might be at the front of what will soon be the hottest new wedding trend. Another aspect to consider is your dance floor. Classic, packed floors won’t make as much sense now, but that doesn’t mean the party will stop. Instead, things like satellite bars and floors will expand the range of the celebration.
How to make it not suck: Basically, your party space just got bigger and more interesting. Now, instead of one bar, multiple bars will be the norm. Instead of one small space to dance, multiple dance floors or levels will be incorporated. Instead of people either doing the “Cha Cha Slide” or sitting at their seats looking bored, having other entertainment to allow guests to spread out will be implemented. Weddings are about to become even more of an experience than just a glorified prom. Now more than ever, the rule book is getting thrown out and you can make your day entirely your own.
Non-Saturday Events
With venues being snatched up or already booked by couples, finding a new date can be a struggle, especially if you were planning on a Saturday event. In order to ensure your full vendor team is available, non-Saturday or even (gasp) non-weekend events are going to become more of the norm. Of those moving their dates, 8% of couples are switching to Thursday, 40% to Friday, and 33% to Sunday. On the plus side, if you always dreamed of getting married on a specific date (such as your dating anniversary or the date of your first kiss) but it fell on a weekday, people won’t bat an eye anymore.
How to make it not suck: The plus side is after everyone’s been stuck inside with literally NOTHING to do for God knows how long, most guests will relish being invited to an event where they can wear heels and talk to someone other than their S.O. or their plants. Monday wedding? Count me in. Wednesday wedding? F*ck yeah, I’m there. While these days weren’t usually chosen for nuptials, anyone who still has a job has tons of vacation days and everyone else just wants something to do. Don’t stress about the day of the week, because trust me, I’d crawl through glass rn to attend a weekday wedding.
After all this is over, weddings aren’t going to look the same, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to be worse. In fact, there will be plenty of ways to make your event even better than it was going to be.
Images: Kendra Allen / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
Once upon a time, the most challenging decisions a bride had to make were who would be a bridesmaid, who would walk her down the aisle, and how to get out of inviting her annoying college roommate who always dresses way too provocatively at events. Granted, none of that was easy and even back in the pre-coronavirus days, the wedding stress was out of control. Now, however, brides are faced with new hurdles after already going through the previous ones, the biggest of which is whether or not to have a virtual wedding, and how to go about doing it.
Since no one can go anywhere or be near each other, those 100+ people weddings are obviously out, but a virtual wedding isn’t necessarily cut and dry either. For a legal marriage, you need the essentials (license, officiant, exchange of promises, signatures, and sometimes witnesses). If you’re considering tying the knot on-screen, however, you might be confused about how to go about making that happen.
Since more and more couples are opting for virtual nuptials, we’re breaking down the hows, the whys, and the whats you need to have a legal and memorial Zoom wedding. “Everyone deserves to be excited and celebrate this most important milestone,” says Caroline Colavita, the director of e-commerce for Adrianna Papell. “You’ll want to feel like The Bride, not just another Zoom happy hour attendee.” From the legalities to the psychology behind ceremonies, here’s how to make your Zoom wedding feel just as, if not even more special than the in-person one you originally planned.
What/Who Do You Need
Wedding 101: Every state is different surrounding the rules and regulations of marriage. As any bride will tell you, part of the process is digging deep and figuring out what, exactly, you need to be legally wed in your state (or in the state you’re getting married in) because making it simple is not part of the process. Still, most places adhere to the basics. According to Martha Stewart Weddings, “A legal ceremony includes a signed, state-issued marriage license and ‘an exchange of promises.'”
In order to make that happen, you need to obtain a marriage license, have an officiant conduct the ceremony, exchange promises (this is usually where the “I do” portion of the ceremony comes in, but this could also be exchanging of rings or doing a handfasting), and getting the necessary signatures on your license before mailing it in. In some states, this means you need to have a couple of in-person witnesses there as well to sign your license and confirm that both parties actually like, want to get married. You know, the whole signed, sealed, delivered? That’s basically the essence of what’s got to go down to make your marriage legal, whether it’s virtual or in-person.
Where You Can Do This Virtually
The hurdle couples are currently having to face is that with courthouses and other state facilities closed, obtaining a marriage license and/or having a ceremony with a legal officiant can be difficult, if not impossible. Some states, like New York, are changing the rules to allow couples to have legally binding virtual weddings, in light of the pandemic. On April 25, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo issued an executive order which allows New Yorkers to not only obtain marriage licenses remotely, but also allows clerks to perform ceremonies via video calls.
In addition to New York, couples in Colorado are now able to apply for marriage licenses online, and couples in Ohio’s Cuyahoga County can obtain their licenses via video call in special circumstances. Some states have select drive-in hours for obtaining licenses or having a ceremony conducted by a clerk. Call your local office for your location-specific info.
If you managed to obtain your license before the world ended (and it’s still “good”—some last only days and some last months), you can have a willing family member or friend become ordained online through the Universal Life Church or the American Marriage Ministries. This will give them the authority to legally marry you in a non-denominational ceremony. That said, depending on your state’s regulations, your officiant and/or witnesses may need to be in person. (Just please, adhere to the six feet apart rule!) Call your local clerk office or visit their website for your county’s regulations.
A Commitment Ceremony
If your state has a freeze on marriage licenses or their doors are closed (and obtaining one virtually à la New York isn’t an option), that doesn’t mean you can’t have a ceremony to celebrate the big day. Just like your birthday month, when you’re a bride, you get to have as many GD celebrations as you want. That’s just like, the rules of marriage. If you can’t get the license but want to still make a commitment on your original planned date, have a ceremony anyway.
Without a license, you can have a commitment ceremony that feels just as magical, just be careful with how you word it. “A commitment ceremony, while lovely, is not legally binding and has no requirements. It is important that the couple or the officiant not use language to imply a legal marriage is occurring, as this can be construed as fraud,” Diane Smith-Hoban, executive director of the non-denominational officiant group Journeys of the Heart explained to Martha Stewart Weddings.
The only difference between the two ceremonies is that a commitment ceremony isn’t legally binding. But if that’s the day you want, have a ceremony and then sign the paperwork once you’re able. Just because it’s not at the same time, it doesn’t make it any less official. There are tons of tips online about how to have a commitment ceremony, but basically, you just can’t use language that says “you’re married.” Bonus? You don’t need an officiant or anything particular to make it work—it can be entirely your own.
How To Make It Special
So, you’re having a virtual commitment ceremony, whether legally binding or not. THIS IS EXCITING, and don’t let anyone tell you any differently. “We are living during a key point in history and one of the most important moments of your adult life,” says Louisa Rechter and Alessandra Perez-Rubio, the Founders of Mestiza New York. “You will want to document every moment, tell your grandchildren about what happened that day, and pull out the dress you wore as a cherished family heirloom! It will be incredibly special and memorable.”
Utilizing rituals and wedding traditions, such as dances, music, dressing up, and dining, will literally help your mind understand you’re starting a new stage of your life.
Dress The Part: Whether you wear ~the~ dress or order something new, this is the time to get full-on glam. “Do a try-on session with your mom and/or maid of honor. Get their input just as you would at your local bridal salon,” suggests Colavita. Don’t be afraid to wear a non-traditional gown—this is about YOU feeling bridal. While Amazon has delayed shipping for non-essential items, other retailers, such as Rent The Runway, Adrianna Papell, and Mestiza are still fulfilling orders in a timely manner so you can get a gorgeous look in time for your Zoom ceremony.
Set The Stage: Pull out those Christmas lights, order some flowers from a local nursery, have some mimosas while getting ready, and light allllll of the candles. Just because your wedding is different than you originally planned, it doesn’t make it any less special. In fact, considering you’re facing the GLOBAL F*CKING PANDEMIC together and making the best of it, that kind of makes this even more special if you ask me. You’re like, very brave and very pretty. So, live it up! Decorate your space, put on those false lashes, play that perfectly curated prelude music.
Keep The Traditions: Always dreamed of having your dad walk you down the aisle, having your first dance with your hubby, or cutting the cake together? There’s no reason you can’t do all of those long-loved (or hated) traditions. Hell, being at home means you can be even more creative and do exactly what you want. Have a cardboard cutout of your dad made so he can walk down the hallway with you. Sew some dog bones on a garter and toss it to you’re pups after your S.O. removes it. Have a literal cake fight in your backyard. Do it all and do it exactly how you want because the only people that matter are you two.
Document The Experience: Zoom weddings are all the rage right now, so don’t hold back from documenting your day/prep just as you would with an in-person ceremony. Have a hashtag, have a bachelorette party, and spam your feeds with photos just as you would have originally. “Get a selfie stick with a tripod and timer so your significant other can capture the evening. You will want special photos to look back on,” advises Colavita. Just because the celebrations might look a little different, it doesn’t make them any less Insta-worthy.
Soak It Up: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This is still your day. This is still your wedding. This is still your marriage. Get dressed up, decorate your space, and have a staycation honeymoon right after. It might feel silly, but go over-the-top making your day feel memorable from home. Someday when you look back, you’ll remember how you started your love story during a very dark time in our history, and honestly? I can’t really think of anything more romantic than that.
Images: Eliza Szablinska / Unsplash; Giphy (3)
You know, it’s cute, everyone keeps saying things like “love is not canceled,” and it’s inspiring, really, it is, but if you were a bride planning on getting married this year, and now your plans are f*cked, it’s hard not to feel like love is pretty damn canceled. But brides- and grooms-to-be are taking it in stride and serving up proverbial “F you(s)” to the virus with their socially distant elopements, live-streamed and drive-by weddings, and hilariously self-aware change-the-date announcements. But the fact of the matter remains, we still have very few answers about when all this insanity is going to go away and when the wedding world can rise from the ashes.
We’ve been obsessed with all the #quarantineengagement content filling our feeds, so much so that it’s kind of making us wonder if being trapped in a tiny apartment with your S.O. for months could actually be good for your relationship. Like, if you want to put a ring on it while trying to coexist in isolation, then maybe you’re really in it for keeps?
After speaking with a handful of newly engaged couples and a few engagement experts, one thing is clear: a global pandemic isn’t hurting the proposal game. The ‘Rona might be a raging bitch, but guys and girls ready to pop the question aren’t about to throw all their plans out the window.
College sweethearts Kristi and Kelly got engaged with a pretty epic double proposal on Leap Day, just two weeks ahead of the lockdown. After a trip to the Point Pleasant boardwalk, they headed to the arcade to feel like kids again.
“We played for a little and then we decided to take a photo booth picture (it’s become our thing over the years),” Kristi recalls. “We were taking the third picture for the strip when Kelly said ‘let’s do a silly face!’ So, I immediately closed my eyes and stuck out my tongue… when I opened my eyes she was holding a ring! I was in shock and immediately started crying.”
But Kelly wasn’t the only one with a proposal up her sleeve that day—Kristi, completely coincidentally, had also chosen that day to pop the question. It took some urging to get her back home, but once they arrived, Kelly saw that the apartment was decorated with a trail of roses and candles leading to their bedroom.
“She walked into the room and burst into tears,” Kristi says, “because it was filled with pictures of us throughout the years, balloons, more roses and candles, and on the bouquet of roses was a ring for her. I got down on one knee and asked her if she would marry me! She said YES and then we got ready for a celebratory dinner for two with lots of champagne.”
Little did the two know that a few weeks later, a celebratory dinner for two would become the date-night norm for couples in quarantine. Kristi shares that “for about a week we were able to enjoy the bliss of being engaged. We were able to tell all of our family and friends through Facebook, FaceTime, and Instagram, but we have not yet been able to celebrate with anyone in person, which is a little disheartening for us.”
Days after they broke the news to their favorite people, Kristi says that her parents, excitedly, started to plan a June engagement party for them.
“Currently the party is on hold and up in the air,” Kristi explains. “We are trying to stay hopeful that we can have that special time with our family eventually, but at the same time, we’re so thankful that right now everyone is home, safe, and healthy.”
It’s definitely a weird time to propose right now with stay-at-home orders in place, but couples are strategizing how to pop the question in a special way while staying socially distant. If you weren’t stuck safe at home, what would you be doing, where would you be going, how would you be having fun with your future fiancé? That’s exactly where you need to start with your proposal. At least, that’s what The Yes Girls, the beauty and brains behind some of the world’s most incredible and personal marriage proposals, advise.
Having had a part in planning over 3,000 custom proposals since their launch in 2008, Megan Bicklein, Yes Girls proposal planner and designer, is feeling like now, more than ever, they need to show up for their clients. “We are the rock for our clients during one of the most intense, anxiety-ridden, and life-changing times in their lives, so we have to be as level-headed and supportive as we can possibly be, while taking their lead,” Bicklein says.
She explains that while some of her clients still want to go through with their proposals as planned (regardless of the restrictions at play in their respective cities), some are calling “in a panic because their vacation was cancelled and they need to come up with a new plan, some are unsure of what this means for their future, and some just really need a sounding board, someone to vent to during this uncertain time.”
Similarly to what couples have been doing to pivot their wedding plans while respecting social distancing cues, The Yes Girls are becoming well-versed in the various virtual ways to propose. “We’re currently planning a proposal right now that plays off of the virtual zoo tours that many local zoos are leveraging to draw audiences in from the comfort of their own homes. The video call will look much like the typical virtual tours being offered right now, but with a fun surprise at the end!”
If nothing else, the pandemic, as horrific and devastating as it may be, is ushering in a whole new wave of creativity and pioneerism in the proposal space.
“What we have seen more of is people caring less about the ‘showiness’ of the proposal and more about the overall mood and experience with their loved one,” says Bicklein. “Before, there was always a ‘how can I make this proposal so over-the-top’ goal behind the events, but now, we’re seeing more clients who just want to give their partner a meaningful memory to have forever. I think once the unlimited resources are taken away, we really get down to the heart of what we do this for: to help those popping the question make lasting and authentic impressions on those they love most.”
And when you’re holed up at home with all those resources taken away, something super simple can be the perfect proposal prelude. For Jess and Todd, who found love through a dating app, breakfast in bed on Sunday, April 12th (six days before her 40th birthday) was kind of everything.
“He woke up before me, which usually does not happen, and when I said ‘what are you doing,’ he said ‘I’m going to make you breakfast today.’” Maybe she was nervous about what would be coming out of the kitchen or perhaps it was more of a “let’s be cute and pretend cook together like one of those influencer couples,” but when Jess offered to help, her guy immediately told her to stay comfy and get more sleep. “He made me a yummy breakfast, brought it to me on a platter with a rose, and when he placed it down on the nightstand, he dropped to one knee. It was perfect!”
Simplicity at its finest, ladies and gentlemen.
Susie Saltzman, a NYC-based fine jewelry designer, tells us that she’s seen no dip in engagement momentum since quarantine became the norm. Granted, for her, since 80% of the clients she works with live outside of the tri-state area, Zoom designing and ring brainstorming are nothing new. But that doesn’t mean that she’s any less pumped to “get the ball rolling and get people excited about the life that WILL HAPPEN once these wild days are past us.”
Since mid-March, Susie says she’s finished and shipped 18 engagement rings to clients who are ready “to move forward with their lives in the ways that they can.” And, like The Yes Girls, SS is a big believer in humble gestures to lock it down.
“I have a few clients coming up with really sweet private ways to propose at home,” Saltzman shares. I think people realize how precious ‘normalcy’ is and how much we take it for granted in our day-to-day lives. Tomorrow is not promised, and this uncertain, unprecedented time has been a true reality check for people.” She adds, “I think our inability to do some of life’s simplest activities (like go out to eat with a loved one, celebrate your birthday, take your children to school) has made people really want to embrace life once this is over. People want to celebrate their love NOW—they don’t want to wait to formalize their commitment to one another.”
That’s what Shannon’s fiancé, David (one of her older brother’s besties-turned-bae), was thinking when he proposed with flowers (brought over by his mom) after a “fancy date night in” on Friday, April 17th.
“Since we were unable to go out with everything going on, we got all dressed up and cooked dinner together. Nothing was out of the ordinary until David went to the front door after dinner and got flowers. He said, ‘you can’t have date night without flowers.’ I still didn’t think anything was going on, because before all of this, David would get me flowers all the time. I was going to put the flowers away and was in the kitchen near the sink when I turned around and he was down on one knee. I was so surprised it took a moment to realize that this was really happening. I started bawling, and with the perfect speech he asked me to marry him. I was so happy that I said yes before he even opened the ring box. Despite being quarantined, it was the happiest, most perfect day!”
“I have had a Pinterest board for our wedding for some time now,” explains Shannon. “I have so much in mind for what we want for our special day, but it’s kind of a catch-22. We have all of this time at home to be able to plan, but with so many places closed, we’re pretty limited. Also, who knows when this will all be normal, when weddings can happen, and how many people will ultimately be allowed to be gathered at once when they do.” Despite all the uncertainty, Shannon says, “It’s hard to start planning with so many unknowns, but, right now, we are enjoying being engaged and will start planning in the near future.”
True, it’s a whole new world for the just-engaged set, but somehow we think it’ll all be okay… Especially since you can still actually do a lot of wedding planning while in quarantine. While day drinking. Without pants, even.
Images: Andre Jackson / Unsplash; Kristi Hunt (3); Jessica Pollack; betchesbrides, susiesaltzman / Instagram; Shannon Martin; Giphy
There’s no doubt that being engaged right now is hard. While things could certainly be worse, we feel for those brides who have had to postpone or cancel their dream weddings, and who right now, may or may not be sulking on the couch with wine in hand.
I was so stressed during my wedding planning that I literally started a company to help alleviate stress for other brides called Luv Collective. We’re a platform where brides can book wellness experiences for bachelorettes, weddings, and most importantly, for themselves. One of Luv Collective’s offerings is all around bridal therapy, because although we’d rather be a bridechilla, it def takes some help to get there.
But with the global pandemic bringing with it a new kind of wedding stress, we called in Luv Collective’s resident bridal therapist, Landis from AisleTalk, to help learn some tips and tricks on how to handle it. Landis is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) in New York City. She was trained at Columbia University in New York City, earning master’s degrees in counseling psychology and mental health counseling. After working in nonprofits, providing psychotherapy to individuals, couples, and families coping with a wide range of stressful situations and mental health conditions, she realized how stressful navigating the transition of getting married can be, and that she loved helping clients through that particular time in their lives. Once she had that epiphany, she combined her passion for psychology, counseling people through stress, and interest in weddings to inspire wedding therapy as a specific specialty.
What Would You Tell Brides Who Have Had To Postpone Or Cancel Their Wedding?
First of all, I’M SORRY. There is no way around it. No one plans a wedding casually. You picked a time that was significant in the scope of your life planning, you invested money and emotion and energy gearing up for this, and so did everyone around you. This is a completely unexpected interruption, and I want to acknowledge and validate the difficulty in it.
Beyond that, rather than tell you something, I’d want to ask you: how are you feeling about all this?
Along those lines, I’d want to tell brides who’ve had to postpone/cancel: feel your feelings! Don’t let others tell you (implicitly or explicitly) that you don’t deserve to feel that way, and definitely do not judge yourself if you feel sad, disappointed, angry, heartbroken, robbed, defeated, or anything else. And if you don’t feel that bad, that’s okay too!
I’m working with a lot of people on identifying and processing feelings. You can do that with yourself, a professional, or a nonjudgmental friend/family member. Talk about your feelings. Journal them, sing them out—whatever it takes. All of the feelings I mentioned are natural parts of any grieving process. And BTW: Grieving does not only take place in the context of someone dying. It also can happen when we lose something. Like something we had been planning, anticipating, dreaming of, you get the idea. A wedding can absolutely fall in that category, because a wedding is a way we mark a big life transition.
Only when we acknowledge and validate our own difficult feelings can we work toward acceptance. It’s not that we’re happy, but we accept the new normal, and we are able to possibly start making alternate plans. But we can’t get there if we keep judging ourselves for the feelings that come before.
What Can Brides Do To Reduce The Wedding Stress Right Now?
First of all, make sure you have a good support team. Your fiancé, your family, your MOH, your planner, your therapist, etc. They will help you make decisions if you are in a gray area, and will help you cope once you’ve made them if they were hard ones to make.
Shift focus to the tasks you can do remotely now, and save in-person stuff for later. Reorganize those to-do lists. And when you’ve run out of things to do, shift the focus off wedding planning. For most of us, this time is about accepting that we can really only do so much right now.
Use the extended timeline to work on things you might not have had time for before. Wedding therapy can be helpful for this—maybe quarantine is bringing up old relationship wounds or family stress. Maybe you’ve been wanting to develop a meditation practice, try a new exercise, or perfect your skin care routine! In a time of feeling so globally out of control, focus on some small things you can control.
What Is One Thing Every Bride Should Know About Wedding Planning?
It doesn’t last forever. Whether it’s an exciting time for you or a challenging time or both. It’s a relatively short period of time in your life, so if you can remind yourself that it’s only temporary, you might be able to enjoy some parts of it, while knowing that the less enjoyable parts won’t last forever.
Images: Gus Ruballo / Unsplash; Betches / Youtube
A few days ago, we posted something on Insta about the absolute easiest way to make a bride who’s currently planning her wedding freak the f*ck out during this crazy state of affairs: telling her to “just go with it.” Oh, really, Karen, just go with it? This isn’t 2011, I’m not pretend-engaged to Adam Sandler, having nightmares about Nicole Kidman’s plastic face, and I’m def not Jennifer Aniston in the height of her hotness, so I will not just go with it.
I mean, realistically, of course we literally will “just go with it”—obviously no one wants to put their family members’ and friends’ health at risk by proceeding as planned. Still, saying that is not exactly helpful, because what other choice do we have?
Even though there are a lot worse things happening in the world right now, brides who are dealing with their weddings going up in flames aren’t too into the “feel better, babes, things could be worse” rhetoric that everyone is trying to pacify them with. Of course things could be much, much worse, but people are allowed to feel upset that their milestones are getting derailed. Truly, the only thing that’s passable right now is saying “well, at least you have your health!” Every bride (we hope) understands the sickness and devastation that a huge number of people are confronting at this very moment and feels fortunate not to be in their harrowing positions. That being said, it’s still sad to be a bride during the age of corona; there’s no need for the unsolicited advice from friends and fam.
Here are 10 things we’ve overheard people saying to brides, and even though they mean well, they don’t need to be said. Like how Ellen talking about quarantine being jail doesn’t need to be said.
1. Well, You Hated Wedding Planning Anyway, Maybe This Is A Blessing In Disguise?
I’ve hated wedding planning like every bride hates wedding planning; it’s a necessary evil. But it doesn’t mean that I wanted to wake up to a pandemic and have to pack it all in. I put in those hours, I was ready to get this sh*t show happily ever after on the road, and now we have to wait. It’s not really a blessing, either, because now I pretty much have round two to plan for our new date.
2. Wow, I’m So Sorry, But So Glad You Got That Insurance
So, you either got it or you didn’t. If you didn’t get it, then noooo one likes to be reminded about how easily they could have avoided screwing themselves over. Thanks, mom, way to just dump salt into my open wounds. If you did get it, then yay, but actually, do you even know to what extent your coverage applies? There are several kinds of wedding insurance, but if you don’t have outright postponement and/or cancellation insurance, then you might still be responsible for a lot of the financial recovery. Yeah, the insurance, where would I be without the wedding insurance? Same status, probs, just drinking a lot more…
3. Okay, But Really, If You Keep Busting Your Ass You’re Going To Slay In That Gown
Yup, that’s exactly what I’m thinking as I take a box of recently hoarded Thin Mints to the face. Shedding for this wedding needs to die, because I was in a good head space with the way I looked. I have my Spanx, my boobs are banging, my gown was fire. Now I have to find somewhere to keep my dress, and hope that my quarantine weight doesn’t completely destroy my alterations before I get to the altar.
Not to mention the hundreds I just spent on new swimwear for the honeymoon… let’s hope these monokinis are still cute next year.
4. Isn’t Your Wedding In October, Though? This Will Totes Be Over By Then
Oh, really? When did you start working for the CDC??! Even those geniuses don’t know when this virus is going to literally stop plaguing us. I’d love to say that things will be normal by then, but that’s just wishful thinking at this point. I’m not waiting much longer to figure out our game plan. It’s too much stress.
5. Eloping Is #Goals, Did You Really Want To See All Those People At The Wedding?
I mean, again, necessary evil. I wanted a big wedding, I was going to accept all the love and well wishes at our ceremony, and then practice my own version of social distancing starting at cocktail hour. That’s why we have an open bar and why I gave my photographer a briefing on who she could steal me away from with an “oh I just have to get this pic!” excuse. Now, it’s just us, because I just can’t get on board with FaceTiming our vows. Def not my vibe.
6. This Is Why I’m Still Single. No Drama
Please, don’t make this about you. This is my hell, not yours. And P.S. Your being single has nothing to do with coronavirus. Good try, though.
7. At Least Now You Can Send Out One Of Those Cute Change The Date Cards, That’s Fun, Right?
Yes, those change of plans cards are super cute, but you kind of have to be a relaxed, chill couple to send one of those out. I’m just too severe for that, it’s not believable LOL. Plus, we already sent out actual save the dates, and umm, invitations… I’ve maxed out my frivolous stationery spending, so if someone wants to help out with that, I’m down to hear those promo codes…
8. With Everything Going On, Have You Decided If You’re Going To Postpone The Wedding?
Postponing the wedding? Wait, what? Yes, Aunt Susan, I am well aware that large gatherings are pretty frowned upon at the moment (slash nearly illegal). I apologize that this uncertainty is screwing with your life and social calendar, and wish I had more answers for you. Unfortunately, I just haven’t figured our contingency plan out yet. Rest assured, I’m working with my wedding planner and an entire crew of vendors to troubleshoot this I Do disaster, and I expect that we’ll be coming to a decision ASAP.
Hah, sorry, that didn’t sound like me. What I actually meant was you have our wedding website, Suz; just keep refreshing and when we know what’s up, you will too.
9. OK, But Really, You’ve Already Been Through The Worst
Ugh, you just cursed my new date, please leave.
10. Bright Side? You’re Not Married, But You’re Still Together
Yep, for 24 hours, 7 days a week now. No, I know, not sure how I could handle this quarantine as a soloist, but also not sure we’ll want to get married after 4263 days of isolation. I’m already starting to cringe when he says “beer me” at 3pm. How not to hate my future hubs, let’s go.
… And if you’re a bride who feels so sorry for anyone who had to postpone or cancel their wedding when yours was somehow spared a few weeks before things went so south, just keep comments about your #blessed-ness to yourself, buried deep, deep down. We’re really happy for you, but please just let us feel sorry for ourselves for a hot sec, we have a postponed wedding planning mug of coffee vodka to get back to.
This is our PSA to anyone who knows someone with an originally planned 2020 wedding, be kind, so that the bride doesn’t nix your plus-one perk for the next one. Offer help, emotional support, or wine—preferably all of the above.
Images: mulugeta wolde / Unsplash; betchesbrides / Instagram; Giphy (5)
