If there’s anything you absolutely do not need to read today (or ever), it’s another entry in the (depressingly bloated) collection of essays about how millennials are killing dating. But because the world we live in is a nightmarish trash fire, I’m sorry to report that the genre is alive and well. In the past, it’s been attributed to everything from our need for instant gratification to our supposed preference for honking it to porn over real life intimacy. The latest entry, however, takes an interesting (if not exactly new) angle: Young people—are they boning enough?
That’s the premise behind a ghastly column about how millennials are killing dating in the Washington Post by Arthur C. Brooks, president of the American Enterprise Institute, a notoriously sh*tty conservative think tank. Fittingly released on Valentine’s Day, the column reads like erotic fan fiction your baby boomer relatives would have written if they knew how to use computers for anything other than Facebook. Brooks believes millennials are killing dating because young people aren’t horny enough. No, that’s really it! Look at all of these horrifying statistics he cites:
– While 85 percent of Generation X and baby boomers went on dates as high school seniors, the percentage of high school seniors who went on dates in 2015 had fallen to 56 percent.
– From 1989 to 2016, the percentage of married people in their 20s fell from 32 percent to 19 percent.
– The percentage of 20-somethings who had no sex in the past year rose by half over the same period, from 12 percent to 18 percent.
That’s not all, of course. If some relatively meaningless statistics don’t convince you that millennials are killing dating thanks to people getting married a little later, he pulls out some incredibly choice anecdotal “evidence,” making sure to cover all the old hits in addition to his concerns about coitus between adults under 40:
I asked my son, a junior in college, if this matched his experience. His matter-of-fact reply: “No one dates.”
Something tells me the son of a guy like Arthur C. Brooks isn’t exactly in a position to speak with authority on the college hookup scene. Nevertheless, way to point out that people are much less likely to go on formal dates when they’re a) broke and b) already presented with ample opportunities to hang out in less formal settings.
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But it continues with even more dubious proof:
places a great deal of the blame on a dystopian social media culture, where virtual interactions substitute for face-to-face human relationships. It is not a shock to see research emerging that links heavy social media use with loneliness and depression.
God, this is so f*cking tired. Yes, social media use and being too extremely online is probably bad for all of us. But it doesn’t somehow make us incapable of love, and it’s pretty disingenuous to passively “link” heavy social media use with depression. Sure, being online can be depressing. But maybe has anyone considered that people who are *already lonely and depressed* could be more likely to retreat to the solace and anonymity of social media?
A fear-based culture among young people will make romantic love impossible to cultivate. And mounting evidence suggests that this is exactly the culture being created by today’s hyper-protective approach to life.
The idea that people are more afraid of rejection now than in the past is nonsense; fear of rejection is literally the thing upon which all romantic overtures hinges on and always has been. He only brings it up to shoehorn the phrases “trigger warnings” and “safe spaces” into the article. I’d say it was for SEO purposes, but there’s zero chance Arthur Brooks knows what that is. There’s more, of course, but you get the gist. Millennials are killing dating, just like we killed buying houses, Applebee’s, and other staples of American life that, let’s be honest, weren’t really that great to begin with.
The thing is, people have been beating this same drum for years, and yet somehow the wedding industrial complex continues to thrive. Here’s someone making the same exact claim that millennials are killing dating two years ago. Here’s another. Can we go back even further? Friends, you know we can. In fact, if you’re up for it, you can check out the entire 2,500 year history of old people blaming younger generations for more or less the same things they complain about today.
Y’all fucked up the economy so badly that we can’t focus on marriage and kids because we’re struggling to afford to live https://t.co/ps9LESPADZ
— Kelly (@kellyblaus) July 7, 2017
In the case of this latest nonsense, realize that this is Arthur C. Brooks’ job—ensuring frightened old people that The Youths are weird and scary and baby boomers are right to be afraid of them. He’s reaching into an extremely deep well, one that tells old people that younger generations have disregarded the romantic norms of the past and are thus poised to end up sad and lonely without (most importantly) ever bearing your grandchildren. The real tell here is that Brooks never really bothers to explain why any of this is bad; it’s just assumed that his intended audience will accept that it is. It’s kind of funny to see a powerful conservative complain about things like more focus on education, later marriage, and less promiscuity—in other words, more conservative behavior—but then again none of this was ever meant to make sense beyond sending the message of “young people are rejecting our values.”
Look: Besides the fact that our dating customs are so deeply ingrained in our culture, gender identities, and politics that the most they could ever do is evolve, not die, people choosing to explore love, sex, and romance in more comfortable ways that are outside of rigid and arcane norms is a good thing! Fewer teens dating means fewer teenage boys obsessed with “getting a girlfriend” and all the ugly itinerant sh*t that goes with it. Later marriage can’t possibly matter to anyone but social scientists and old people waiting on grandchildren, and anyway, waiting until you’re not completely broke to get married can’t hurt, if you do it at all. Less sex means there are more people out there exercising their agency and making choices about what’s right for them, and not caving into societal pressures or using sex as a form of self-medication.
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All of this is good, and a sign of a healthier society moving in a positive direction regarding how we view ourselves, our bodies and other people. Just don’t bother trying to tell that to your aunt on Facebook when she complains that millennials are killing dating.
One thing’s for sure, it’s hard being a conservative in America. You have only the slimmest of majorities in all branches of the federal government (except the House of Representatives, where it is large). A scant 33 states are run by Republican governors, and a worrying simple majority of 27 states where Republicans either have total control or veto-proof majorities. Worse still, Christians make up a paltry 71% of the American population. The Second Amendment to the Constitution (obviously the best one) could at any moment quickly and easily be repealed with a 2/3 majority in both houses of congress and an affirmative vote by at least 38 states. The point is, the conservative way of life is under attack like never before, which is why it makes total and absolute sense that these brave patriots are blowing up $500 Yeti coolers.
Ok, I’ll explain.
If you’re not familiar, Yeti makes exceptionally high-quality (yet insanely overpriced) coolers for hunters, fishermen, and any well-to-do rednecks who don’t mind paying up to $1,300 for a beer holder. This is mine, and it was only $250:
Naturally, a discount on such a pricey frat-tastic status symbol is welcome. Imagine the outrage, then, when the very same Real Americans received notice from the NRA-ILA that Yeti had succumbed to pressure from the sicko progressive left and would no longer sell to the NRA or offer discounts to their members:
Suddenly, without prior notice, YETI has declined to do business with The NRA Foundation saying they no longer wish to be an NRA vendor, and refused to say why. They will only say they will no longer sell products to The NRA Foundation. That certainly isn’t sportsmanlike. In fact, YETI should be ashamed. They have declined to continue helping America’s young people enjoy outdoor recreational activities.
This is, obviously, a direct attack on the liberty of all Americans, and especially those who
pay money to be a member of the gun industry’s lobbying arm like to exercise their Constitutionally-protected right to bear arms. They had but one recourse: voluntarily destroy those expensive-ass coolers to own the fuckin’ libs. Oh, and destroy them they did.
This American Patriot filled his Yeti coolers with explosive shit then shot them in an excruciatingly long Facebook Live video.
Posted by Bryan Atkinson on Monday, April 23, 2018
This guy took a less violent approach, opting to squash his Yeti tumbler in a bench vice.
Not to miss out, these ladies showed those commie pinko cooler makers who REALLY represents American values by filling one full of tannerite:
Finally, this Patriot not only destroyed his Yeti tumbler, but he also joined the NRA. Talk about getting a double return on your investment!
So proud of my country!
Naturally, the pansies at Yeti saw their profits slipping away, and tried to walk back their clear disdain for our Constitutional rights in a statement of their own:
Uh huh, sure. That’s what they all say. Don’t be fooled by their elitist legalese and liberal double-speak! The best way to show these companies that you won’t stand for the degradation of American values and erosion of our way of life is, and always will be, to spend your money on their products so you can film yourself destroying them.
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