As most people do, I have a love-hate relationship with Coachella. Every year, I find myself scrolling through Instagram, complaining about how Coachella is basically just Disneyland for influencers, and a way for Vanessa Hudgens to cling to relevance for two weeks a year. Instead of flying across the country and lighting all my money on fire, I prefer to celebrate Couchella. For those wondering, “Couchella” is the fun way of saying “eating a ton of junk food and wallowing in self-loathing as I scroll Instagram and half pay attention to reruns of The Office.”
As much fun as Couchella is, it can get a little depressing by weekend two. But don’t worry, because now we’ve turned Coachella into an opportunity for comedy and drunkenness, with a special game of Coachella Bingo. Tell everyone in the group chat to come over, because you have some serious Instagram stalking to do. Let’s get to the game.
Some guidelines:
- To play, don’t bother printing out the Coachella Bingo card. Save the trees and yada yada yada, but also I don’t know a single person who owns a printer anymore. Just screenshot the sheet and use the markup feature on your phone to put X’s on the spot.
- Take a shot every time you finish a line. This will almost make it feel like you’re at Coachella, except you have cell phone signal, and you also don’t have to share a bed with six other people in an Airbnb.
- When you get blackout (both on the bingo card and from drinking), the prize is that you don’t have to risk sharing a toilet seat with Bella Thorne or Jax Taylor, you don’t have to deal with creepy dudes trying to proposition you for port-a-potty sex, and you don’t have worry about being in shape for a half-clothed Insta for at least two more months. It’s the small things in life.
Just some quick notes on squares that may cause some confusion:
- Someone who is too old to be at Coachella: any Real Housewife, or any guy who is actually old enough to be your father.
- Changing into a bikini does not count as an outfit change so long as you don’t wear it to the festival, but it counts if you change into an outfit after.
- Villains from The Bachelor who the rest of the cast refuses to hang out with do NOT count as seeing a girl gang from The Bachelor. They will, however, fall under the umbrella of fake Revolve sponsorship and/or Diff Eyewear.
- Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriends only count if he bought them a hybrid car or dated them during his Oscar campaign to make it seem like he will get married someday to pander to the Academy. Leo sleeps with everyone, so knowing which flavor Juul pod he uses when he vapes during sex does NOT count as being his girlfriend.
- Getting wayyyy too tan can count as cultural appropriation if you need it to.
- Pretending to be sponsored by Boohoo, VICI, or Fashion Nova counts as pretending to be sponsored by Revolve
And that’s it! Happy hate-stalking, and see you next year!
Brace yourself, it’s almost that time of year again: festival season. The only time of the year where I actually hesitate to pick up my phone and scroll through Instagram. Maybe it’s part FOMO and maybe it’s part I don’t want to see your f*cking ferris wheel photos where you’re wearing the same basic “festival” outfit as every other girl on my timeline. IDK, it’s one of the two, maybe both. I mean, the least you can do for us peasants sitting at home (while you’re raging your last few brain cells out) is avoid wearing the same basic cringeworthy stuff we see year after year. Like, at the very least, bring us some enviable outfits and interesting content. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Here are five overdone festival trends that I don’t want to see this year, plus more stylish replacements for each.
1. Flower Crowns
This one should go without saying, but this year, leave your flower crowns at home. Like, please. I beg you. Unless you’re below the age of 10, at this point, it’s the ultimate festival fashion faux pas. It’s too predictable, too cliche, and I know you’re better than all that. So, unless you want to look like an eager wannabe at your first festival ever, ditch the flower crown. Instead, opt for some chic barrettes, a hair scarf, or even a head wrap.
Forever 21 Leopard Print Headwrap
Free People Bandana Scarf Pony
Free People Resin Star Clip Set
2. Temporary Tattoos
Speaking of festival accessories that make you look like you’re 10 years old, let’s talk about temporary tattoos. YIKES. If I see any metallic flash tats on my Instagram feed, you best believe you’ll be getting a hard unfollow. And like, faster than you can even post a generic Insta story of your Coachella pass. No temporary tattoos and no flower crowns. Honestly, I’ll take your bejweled body tats before your tacky flash tats. Look, there are plenty of great accessories to snazz up your Coachella look, so there’s no need to f*ck up your aesthetic with these lame body tats. At the end of the day, you don’t want to look like a try-hard. And temporary tattoos, well, they’re the definition of trying too hard. Instead, you can add some glitz to your look with a few strategically placed accessories, like earrings, necklaces, and body chains.
3. Floral Flare Pants
I know, I know, this one is probably a hard pill for most of you to swallow, but the floral cotton flare pants HAVE GOT TO GO. I mean, if sorority girls are wearing these pants casually out on the weekends to frat parties, you certainly should not be wearing them to one of the most fashionable events of the year. Now, look, I get it—these pants are comfy af. They make your legs look long and your butt look good. So I’m not nixing this style pants altogether, just the basic floral and tapestry print versions. Instead, try a more trendy and less basic pair, like an animal print or even a clean stripe pattern.
Juniper Blu Snake Print Fit & Flare Pant
House of Harlow 1960 x REVOLVE Lora Pant
House of Harlow 1960 x REVOLVE Jeane Pant
4. High Waisted Booty Shorts
You all know the ones I’m referring to—the ones that are up your ass crack and debatably denim underwear. Look, if you want to have your ass cheeks out, more power to you. Coachella is the time and place for it! But, if you’re not in college anymore, it’s time to elevate your short choices. High waisted pairs are ideal for your festival crop tops, but opt for a more elevated looser fitting pair like the ones below.
AMUSE SOCIETY Canopy High Waisted Short
1.STATE Flat Front Regency Stripe Tie Waist Short
Blue Life Rosie Ruffle Wrap Short
5. Open-Toed Flats
Festival 101, no open-toed flat shoes. Unless you want the bottoms of your feet to look like you just hiked through miles of black mud while barefoot, an open-toed flat is a HARD no. Why ruin that expensive pedicure and have who knows what stuck in your toenails for the next five years? Opt for a cute sneaker so you’ll be comfy and actually be able to walk around, or even a wedge so that your feet are at least elevated from the ratchet ground.
Superga Snakeskin Lace Up Sneaker
Dr. Martens 1460 Pascal Lace Up Boot
If you’re lucky enough to be going to one of these festivals, you better make SURE your outfit is Instagram perfection. Look, just because I don’t want to see your ferris wheel pics doesn’t mean I don’t want to see your outfit, especially if it’s a good one. Like, I know the whole reason you’re even going to the festival in the first place is for the Insta content, so just stay away from these overdone festival trends and I may actually throw you a like. I think that’s fair.
Images: @globelet / Unsplash; Forever 21; Free People (3); Revolve (9); South Moon Under (2)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue when you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Coachella is the actual bane of my existence. Maybe I dislike it so much because I have serious FOMO, or because no one invited me to go. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have a cool grand to drop on one drug-fueled weekend. Either way, I still refresh Instagram until a celeb posts what they are wearing. Now that Coachella is over, I found four looks that can transition out of the dessert and into your closet. Obviously all for less than what the celebrities spent.
Hailey Baldwin’s Coachella Look
First up: Queen Hailey B. I loved this look because, well, you know I love an oversized hoop earring (even if they are Regina’s thing). And I feel like this is a socially acceptable outfit for a Saturday night. Yes? No? Whatever, I’m doing it.
These pearl earrings and corset top are both from Forever 21. My sunglasses are from Amazon, and my lip color is obviously a bargain too: Maybelline, fresh from the CVS counter. My jeans are from Asos.
Forever 21 Longline Microfiber Bra
Bella Hadid’s Coachella Look
Next, in a similar look, is Bella Hadid. Instead of Bella’s Fendi wrap crop top, I found the same one on Forever 21. I chose to get black because I knew I would wear it more. I also already had a black belt and scrunchie at home. (Idk why I had a scrunchie please don’t ask about it.) Here are scrunchies from Forever 21 in case you need some too. My shorts are Levis; I think investing in denim shorts for summer is a no-brainer, especially when you can buy tops for $25 at Forever 21.
Body jewelry is also very cool, especially on the beach or at festivals. I probably wouldn’t wear it on a Saturday night, but sue me if I do. Amazon always has cheap body jewelry.
Forever 21 Ribbed Surplice Top
Kendall Jenner’s Coachella Look
Next up is sisters, particularly of the Jenner/Kardashian variety!
Kendall went with a low-key look this year, and I am going to show you how to turn her Coachella look into a daytime or nighttime outfit for summer. These oversized green joggers are from Forever 21; I paired them with a black crop top I’ve had for years from target. I put sock boots on on rather than black sneakers to make it more of a nighttime look. I threw a fanny pack over my shoulder, and boom! Kenny’s Coachella outfit right in your closet.
Forever 21 Paperbag Waist Pants
Kourtney Kardashian’s Coachella Look
Recreating outfits isn’t always matching everything perfectly; sometimes it’s more about getting inspiration from celebrity looks. Kourtney is wearing one of my favorite trends right now, and that’s biker shorts. I found mine at Pretty Little Things for $8; they have them in literally every color. I decided on all black, because wearing biker shorts is enough of a statement. I don’t need to wear them in lime green, unless, of course, I’m Kourtney K. I chose to wear Nike sneakers, and added the fanny pack around my waist, but you can always throw on a leather or denim jacket on to make this look more complete. My reflecting sunglasses are from Forever 21 last summer, but here is a similar look.
Pretty Little Things Basic Black Bike Shorts
Images: haileybstyle, bellahadid, kendalljenneroutfits, kourtneykardash / Instagram; Maya Media (4)
Happy spring, betches! As soon as this snow bullshit stops, we’ll soon be drunk on a Wednesday afternoon living our very best lives. With spring’s arrival also comes an unofficial (but low-key official) season that happens to be my absolute favorite time of the year: festival season. The most anticipated of the bunch is, without a doubt, Coachella—the one place where all of our favorite celebrities black out, wear designer flower crowns, and find true love. I assume—I’ve never been, because I don’t have an extra grand lying around. But enough about me. Not only is Coachella a literal two weekend-long shit show in a desert, but it’s the most ~lit~ time and place to be a wild child and experiment with some crazy-ass fashion trends, just because Vanessa Hudgens does it you can. Whether you’re planning to go solo, with a spring fling, or your festie bestie, you’ll need the hottest trends to style with. Here are the best Coachella fashion trends to give you all the fashion inspo you need.
1. Topshop Square Neck Ponte Bodysuit
Pretending the whole “peeing while you’re naked thing” doesn’t exist, bodysuits are always a yes for festivals. The less fabric you wear, the less you’re profusely sweating. You want a bodysuit you can take an artsy candid in, like this one from Topshop. Let’s be real, Coachella is basically one giant Instagram festival, and Coachella fashion is all about how you’ll look in pictures.
2. Lovers + Friends Jack High-Rise Short
As if this wasn’t already a given. If maxi skirts aren’t your thing, obviously you can never go wrong with a pair of trendy high-waisted shorts with, like, the cutest effing shirt you have ever seen. Or a bodysuit! Remember, there are two weekends of this shit, so you can mix and match without spending all your money.
3. Showpo First In Line Two Piece Set In White Paisley Print
What better to make your life 10 times easier than a set that already comes with a matching top and bottom? If you’re looking to go full Vanessa Hudgens with your Coachella fashion look, you’ll want a boho chic maxi skirt with some floral hippie pattern that makes you look both v skinny and super tan.
4. Anthropologie Logan Layered Y-Necklace
For some reason, despite the sweltering heat, statement jewelry is an essential part of Coachella fashion. The problem? The last thing you want to have weighing on your chest is a big af necklace when you already feel your boob sweat. You also don’t want to be that crazy person rocking a velvet choker in 90-degree heat. (Again, I have no idea how hot it really gets at Coachella because—one more time for the people in back—I have never been.) Anyway, when it comes to necklaces you’ll want to opt for a dainty piece that won’t strangle you, like this subtle layered necklace.
5. Urban Outfitters Brixton Field Hat
Thank god, fedora-style hats are actually a trend rn, otherwise we’d all look like fucking idiots. Not only is it kind of cute the more you look at it, but being in any desert under the scorching sun will probs give your scalp a legit sunburn. Prevent that shit by opting for one of these guys.
6. ASOS TOUCAN Wedge Sandals
Chic booties are cute and all, but let’s be real. You’re not going to last more than 4 hours in them if you’re drunk frolicking and dropping it low in front of a stage. Stick with sandals you can last in, but cute ones that add a little bit of height to your look with a slight platform so you can like, actually see Beyoncé’s performance even if you didn’t camp out at the stage five hours in advance.
Images: Brandy Melville (1); Revolve (1); Showpo (1); Anthropologie (1); Urban Outfitters (1); ASOS (1)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
Coachella weekend two was about as star-studded as the last bat mitzvah you attended, which kind of sucks for anyone who had shit to do besides dehydrate in the desert and was counting on scrolling through celebrity Instagram posts to ease the FOMO. The second weekend was basically a boozy brunch that you really wanted to attend because there’s a great drink special and it’s at a really IG-worthy restaurant, but you have to skip it because you’re still throwing up the vodka crans you had the night before. Like almost every Tinder profile in existence, the last weekend of Coachella was seriously lacking good photos and the ones that were actually posted were pretty questionable.
Paris Hilton is apparently launching a line with David’s Bridal. Okay, I just completely made that up, but I literally cannot think of any other reason why she’d show up to Coachella dressed like a miserable bridesmaid at a destination wedding. Honestly, she probably typed the #CoachellaMermaid caption while sipping on a Venti Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks. I don’t understand why Paris can’t just go back to wearing Juicy tracksuits and Von Dutch hats.
Vanessa Hudgens clung onto any last shred of relevancy by wearing a maxi dress that was clearly stolen from the wardrobe department of That 70’s Show, hoping a stoned festivalgoer might mistake her for Mila Kunis.
Shay Mitchell wore a Canadian Tuxedo in 99 degree heat with a pair of Adidas slider sandals, which sounds like a Fear Factor challenge. I’d rather lay in a box of scorpions than wear five pounds of denim in the desert, which is saying a lot because I get freaked out just swiping past the spider in my emoji keyboard.
Kehlani—who you’ve probably never heard of but whose album is fire—celebrated her 22nd birthday at Coachella, which totally beats taking a photo next to giant gold 22 balloons in a slutty dress like everyone else does. I’m a little bit confused as to why she wore the yellow mesh tank top Hannah Horvath wore that one time she did cocaine on Girls, but it was her birthday, so I’ll try to keep my comments to myself for once.
Lauren Jauregui (Editor’s Note: who?) was probably the betchiest celebrity of weekend two, because she didn’t even go, but casually posted a bunch of photos of this sick outfit from the first weekend. Posting photos a week late is such a power move. Like, obviously everyone dresses for the Insta at Coachella, but late posts make it seem like you were too busy blacking out to pick a decent filter. Even Lauren’s outfit is a subtle brag. The long mesh top makes it look like she’s wearing more than just a bralette and shorts, but still shows off a lot of skin.
This extremely underwhelming fashion roundup raises a serious question, though: Is Coachella becoming lame? Or was everyone just too hungover? I guess we won’t find out until next year.
The most important Instagram event of the year is finally here. I’m obviously talking about Coachella, the music festival that has practically just become a contest to see who can walk around the desert in 100 degree weather with the most shit glued to their head before they pass out. Coachella fashion is a tricky thing, because you’re pretty much required to wear as little clothing as possible, but also be really trendy, but also wear something that nobody else has ever worn before. Like buying an unlimited pass to a 6am spin class, dressing for Coachella is almost always just setting yourself up for failure. Of course there are always a few geniuses who actually get it right, so let’s take a moment to celebrate them and then shit on the people who clearly shopped for their outfits while blindfolded in the clearance section of Forever 21.
Best
Rihanna
RiRi Is the best dressed wherever she goes, so this is literally the most unsurprising news of all time. This betch took the basic ripped shorts and tank top Coachella look but made it iconic. It’s funny that we all ripped on Justin Bobby for wearing combat boots to the beach on The Hills, but now that homegirl wore a full crystal Gucci bodysuit to the damn desert, everyone’s so down. Times change, I guess.
Hailey Baldwin
I saw Hailey Baldwin wearing army pants and a beaded bra thing, so I wore army pants and a beaded bra thing.
Hailee Steinfeld
I’ll let the picstitch slide because this outfit is so good. Last year, matching shorts and crop top sets were a huge Coachella trend. This year, Hailee gave zero Fs, skipped the pants, and redefined matching set to mean a giant T-shirt and coordinating thigh-high boots.
Justine Skye
You know when you’re getting dressed to go out, and sweatpants are all that fit you right now, so you actually genuinely consider it for a second? Well, Justine Skye literally did that at Coachella. Except, they’re holographic sweats with a body chain and a crop top, which I wouldn’t generally advise for anyone on an all carb diet—but for Justine, it’s working.
Worst
Katy Perry
I never thought I’d miss the days when Katy Perry glued cupcakes to her tits, but here we are. She looks like she got locked out of a Macy’s dressing room while trying on a maid of honor dress after a Zumba class.
Selena Gomez
Selena usually slays, but apparently, she’s caught a bad case of “I just got a new boyfriend so now I’m going to dress like shit because I’m happy.” So boring. Just because Coachella happened during Easter doesn’t mean she can wear an outfit from the Sears Easter sale.
Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton wore a flower crown to Coachella. That’s social suicide. But I mean, I guess that’s what happens when you’re 36 and fucking clueless but trying to stay relevant. It’s kind of like those girls who were a few years older than you in high school and now post selfies from weird angles with the InstaSize watermark in the corner. It’s so sad to see someone who was once popular with great hair have such a tragic downfall. Oh well.
Kendall Jenner
Kendall looks like she should be complaining about menopause over a pitcher of sangria with Samantha Jones in the first Sex and the City movie. This outfit just doesn’t look like it belongs at a festival where everyone else is like, dropping acid and wearing ripped fishnets and glitter.
Need to recover from Coachella? Read our tips here!
This week on Betch Slapped, The Betches discuss the United flight drama, Kylie’s new show and 2017 Coachella fashion with Cosmopolitan Accessories Editor Nicole Fineo. They give advice to a listener about how to have the exclusivity talk and debate whether if you’d still date a guy if he was perfect in every way except that he spoke in email sign off phrases. To get your question answered by The Betches, email [email protected]
Listen to all our episodes here!
