Chris Cuomo Hates His Job Just Like The Rest Of Us

Welp, Chris Cuomo has snapped.

To be fair, the man has been through some sh*t, as of late. The longtime CNN anchor and annoying younger brother to NY gov Andrew Cuomo famously contracted COVID-19, and has struggled with the illness over the past few weeks, citing feelings of fear and depression.

Apparently all of this stress and misfortune has gotten to him, as he absolutely went *awf* on a SiriusXM radio show, essentially saying that coronavirus has made him realize that he doesn’t want to keep living the way he’s been living.  A virus-induced existential crisis from the guy who gets in brotherly spats with Gov. Andrew Cuomo on live television? And I thought I’d seen it all!

So, what’s on Chris’ mind? There’s no mystery there, cause he word vomited all over the table for us.

When talking about how battling coronavirus has made him examine his life and what he wants from it, Cuomo shared that he has come to the conclusion that he f*cking hates his job. To be clear, Cuomo anchors a coveted 9 p.m. slot on CNN during which he can talk about essentially whatever he wants, interview presidential candidates, and have endearingly awkward exchanges with his brother governor.

Despite this, Cuomo said: “I don’t like what I do professionally. I don’t think it’s worth my time.” More specifically, he doesn’t want to indulge in the theatrics that are politics these days. “I don’t want to spend my time doing things that I don’t think are valuable enough to me personally,” Cuomo said. “I don’t value indulging irrationality, hyper-partisanship.”

Adding what will certainly be fuel to the cable news dumpster fire, Cuomo grumbled about talking to “Democrats about things that I don’t really believe they mean” and “Republicans about them parroting things they feel they have to say.” Alright well, at least he hit us both.

Cuomo got dude-who-showed-up-blatantly-stoned-to-every-college-lecture level philosophical when he said, “I don’t think it’s worth it to me because I don’t think I mean enough, I don’t think I matter enough, I don’t think I can really change anything, so then what am I really doing?”

I would say maybe he took some LSD or magic mushrooms and came to some nice conclusions about the value of life and partaking in capitalism, but that theory all goes to sh*t with this next part.

Cuomo explained how he no longer wanted to be a public figure, using a recent incident as an example for why. Apparently, someone confronted him outside of his Southampton home on Easter Sunday, scolding him for being outside while he is infected with COVID-19.

“I don’t want some jackass, loser, fat tire biker being able to pull over and get in my space and talk bulls–t to me, I don’t want to hear it,” said Cuomo.

Cuomo said he wants to be able to talk sh*t back to people like this “jackass, loser, fat tire biker,” and tell them to “go to hell.” He feels he can’t do that as a public figure, as it would be all over the news. Maybe like that time he lost his temper at a Trump supporter who called him “Fredo,” to which Cuomo responded “I’ll f*cking ruin your sh*t” while threatening to throw the man down a flight of stairs.

It sounds like our boy Chris had a game plan for abandoning his current life. He said he’s more concerned with living a private life than “making millions of dollars a year,” and that he’s not worried about letting it go “because I’ve saved my money and I don’t need it anymore.”

Um, yeah. If your biggest problem is some guy on a bike pissing you off outside of your *Southamptons* home, I’d say you’re doing alright. Go ahead and let those extra millions go, it won’t kill you, contrary to rich people’s belief.

Cuomo also peppered the fact that he thinks “Trump is full of sh*t” into his rant, which we do love to see.

Today, Cuomo is reeling a bit. He responded to reports of his confessional that he “never meant” what he said, and he’s happier than ever at CNN.

“I have never been in a better position, professionally, than I am in right now. They’ve been so good. They’ve been so supportive of me in ways I could never have imagined. … I’ve never had a group of people professionally care about me the way they have shown. I’ll never be able to repay them, but I’ll try hard to do so. I’ve never been more grateful. I’ve never been on a better team.”

He added that he’s recently renewed his contract with CNN, which probably contractually obligated him not to trash his employer. Just a thought.

We hope Chris feels better soon, that he gets to live his best life, and thrives in peace.

Images: Twitter (1), Giphy (2)

The 6 Craziest Moments From Trump’s Post-Election Press Conference

What are the midterm elections if not another opportunity for our terror in chief to address the nation? After Dems took back the House (woo!) and Republicans strengthened their hold on the Senate (eye roll) Trump held a press conference with the agenda to One would think he would concisely address the events of the night before but Trump isn’t one to do what anyone “thinks.” You can read the entire transcript here, or instead take a shot of something strong and read our five main takeaways: 

1) When He Threatened Democrats

Before the speech even started, trump took to twitter to threaten the newly Democratic-held House. Where does that strategy fall in speechwriting techniques? Somewhere between ethos and pathos, I think.  Bold start, inn my opinion.

If the Democrats think they are going to waste Taxpayer Money investigating us at the House level, then we will likewise be forced to consider investigating them for all of the leaks of Classified Information, and much else, at the Senate level. Two can play that game!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2018

2) When He Called A Reporter Racist

Takes on to know one. When asked about his embracing of the term “nationalist,” President Trump used his incredible intellect to turn the tables on PBS reporter Yamiche Alcindor by saying it was actually her question that was racist, not him. Great work, Donald!

WATCH: @PBS @NewsHour White House correspondent @Yamiche Alcindor today at a WH news conference asked @realdonaldtrump whether calling himself a nationalist on the campaign trail has been emboldening white nationalists. President Trump replied, “That’s such a racist question.”

— PBS NewsHour (@NewsHour) November 7, 2018

3) When He Attacked The Media (Duh)

As a sane person you might wonder, “what record did the media break?” That is a great question that isn’t really answered at all, but it is something Trump really seemed to harp on. He managed to say that the media coverage was “hostile” and that it “set a new record and new standard.” Perhaps he is referring to the new standard of making me feel like I belong in a psych ward, in which case, yes I agree with you Mr. Trump.

4) When He Compared Himself To Obama

What Trump speech would be complete without comparing himself to our former president? Trump displayed basic understanding of math when he listed the number of seats Obama lost in his midterm elections. Honestly, cherish those moments when Trump is stating clear facts. We literally may never see that again. But also listing off Obama losing 63 seats in the House in 2010 does feel like a third grader rattling off the one fact he knows in hopes of looking impressive. Anyone can Google this stuff, Don.

5) When He Gave Props To Oprah

In a brief moment of clarity, Trump said that Oprah worked very hard in Georgia and “I don’t know if she likes me anymore, but that’s okay.” However, it is unclear how a person can just be okay with Oprah not liking them. This only confirms how delusional he is.

6) When Acosta Got Accosted

In the questions portions of the speech Trump had a very volatile exchange with CNN’s Jim Acosta. Trump told him to his face that he was a “Rude terrible person, shouldn’t be working for CNN.”  After the exchange, the White House rescinded Acosta’s press pass. CNN then released a statement condemning this. Drama!

BREAKING: White House aide grabs and tries to physically remove a microphone from CNN Correspondent Jim Acosta during a contentious exchange with President Trump at a news conference.

— MSNBC (@MSNBC) November 7, 2018

Ah yes, what is that smell? The idea of a free press being burnt in front of us. Terrifying! 


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Did Fox News Just Accidentally Troll Themselves?

File this one under: devastating self-owns. This week, during a segment made to talk about the media and “fake news” (sidebar: when can we retire the term “fake news”? Can it be now? Can it be yesterday?) our trusted friends at Fox accidentally showed a graphic live on air that made it seem like Fox News is the least trusted network in news. Wonder what they could have possibly done to earn that distinction.

Lol. This is like posting an Insta pic where your friend looks good and you look bad – a horrible error, to be sure. Once “Media Buzz” host Howard Kurtz realized what the graphic said he ordered it taken down, claiming that the graphic was actually supposed to be used at a later part of the show. You know, the part where the show is over and your TV is off. According to Kurtz, what he meant to show was a Monmouth University poll about whether the media regularly or occasionally posts fake news. Oops! Again, this is like going on Insta to post a cute selfie and then accidentally posting the toe fungus pic you sent to your doctor instead.

(We all send toe fungus pics to our doctors, right?)

Kurtz is now doing what Fox News hosts do best and slamming the media on what he says is “incorrect” reporting on the above graphic. According to him, the graphic is meant to show what percentage of people trust the each network compared to President Trump, and not to each other. Monmouth found that 30% of people trust Fox more than they trust President Trump, 20% say they trust the president more than Fox, and 37% say they trust both equally. Even still, putting up the poll with no context was what we in the media biz call “a bad look.”

So what can we take away from this poll fiasco? The good news: Fox’s accidental graphic shows that Americans tend to trust mainstream media outlets more than President Trump, and that CNN and MSNBC have much higher credibility than Fox.

The bad news: I heard this on Fox News so like, can you even trust it?

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!