Procrastination is my best talent and my middle name at this point. Laundry? Packing? Paying rent? You’ll probably find me attempting to go on a run if it means getting out of doing any of those. On a real note, there’s nothing I delay more than figuring out WTF my New Year’s Eve plans are every fucking year. It doesn’t help that living in New York City makes this a million times harder. Like, nothing stresses me more—other than trying to figure out the exact date we’ll get a confirmation on Kardashian-Jenner pregnancies. NYE is honestly the most overhyped, extra AF, ridiculously overpriced holiday ever. Nothing rarely goes according to plan, and tbh, I’m always too drunk to remember when midnight even happened, so why the hell would I pay a shit ton of money anyway? Unfortunately, NYE is in just a few weeks, which means you better get the ball rolling on your plans. Ball reference very much intended. From New Yorker to New Yorker, here are five not-so-expensive NYE plans you can make with your best girlfriends to ring in 2018.
Grab your 90s neon windbreaker and your boombox (JK, you probably can’t bring a boombox in there) and head over to House of Yes for a night of nostalgia mixed with futuristic chaos. No matter the theme, House of Yes knows how to throw a fucking party, and this will be one NYE you’ll never forget. Come in your best future or throwback outfit, because otherwise you won’t be allowed in—which just adds to the fun if you ask me. It’s like Hallowen mixed with NYE. “Which Fresh Prince did I make out with?” you may ask yourself. “Was that guy the Tin Man, or a robot?” you’ll wonder the next morning as you wipe silver paint off your face. Expect out-of-this-world costumes, live aerial performances, and more. Tickets start at $30, so buy now before they’re all gone. House of Yes events consistently sell out, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
For those of you in Astoria who don’t feel like trekking it to Manhattan or going anywhere else because that’s just too much effort, one of the most popular bars is offering a three-hour open bar and, I quote, “big-ass champagne toast.” Tickets start at $75, where you can watch the countdown live on their TVs, drop it low, and eat tons of drunchies until it’s finally 12am. After midnight, the bar opens up to non-ticketholders for an “all night dance party” that supposedly goes until 8-fucking-am. WHO THE HELL IS STAYING OUT UNTIL 8am? I’m concerned.
Obviously, I was not going to include the Times Square ball drop on this savvy guide I’ve created, because I’m not a fucking martian. Anyone who lives in the vicinity of NYC knows to stay as far away as possible from that area or else get trampled, and don’t say we didn’t tell you so. If you’re still all about the craziness, you’ll def want to check out the epic celebration Stage 48 is bound to have in Hell’s Kitchen. The multi-floor club will provide five hours of open bar, four food stations, and hours of dancing on tables with your PICs. For tickets that start at $79, you’ll want to dress to impress, obvi.
Cielo is a banging nightclub known to host DJs we listen to on Spotify playlists, with some of the very best speakers in the city. So will you go deaf? Probably. But will you embarrassingly dance your ass off? Definitely. I say this as a fact, being that this is exactly what happened here on my birthday. This year’s NYE event will have a five hour open bar, champagne, and annoying party favors you’ll use when you’re drunk. General admission starts at $99, so obvs buy it ASAP before they sell out.
This is ~the~ official NYE party pass for club hopping in Meatpacking. There are three exclusive venues, which include The Chester, Common Ground, and The Lately, that offer five hour open bars, classy af prosecco, and top-notch live DJ performances of your favorite basic radio hits. Be sure to hop in each party for a variety of celebrations and of course, to sample the different tequila each place has to offer.
Day drinking and going out at night are two activities that betches excel at compared to most, but even we’ll admit that doing both within the same 24 hour period is a daunting task. You start out the day with a few mimosas, maybe some wine and it feels all too natural with your hearty breakfast of ¼ of a scooped out bagel. The day is full of possibility, and by 4 P.M. you’re wasted and invincible. “We’re definitely making it out tonight!” says the entire group as everyone plots possible options, only to start falling apart within mere minutes. If you truly want to be one of the few still standing by the end of the night, you need to follow our advice:
Decide Early On That You’re Going Out, And Never Look Back.
In order for all of this to work, the golden rule is to commit to the fact that you’re embarking on a twelve-hour drinking bender and never question it at any point in time. Especially as the day goes on and your liver hates you more and more, you can’t so much as entertain the idea that staying in is an option, which is the immediate gateway to face-planting into your bed.
Stay Consistently Drunk.
This is difficult, but another essential for transitioning from day into nighttime drinking. The problem is that if you get too drunk before 5 P.M., you severely up the chances of getting sent home (unless you make the rare and impressive blackout comeback which will earn you literal cheers from anyone who’s crossed your path). On the other hand, if you get too sober at any point, you’ll start to get hungover, and TBH that’s significantly worse. Maintaining a mid-level buzz is the only way to make it through.
Don’t Nap, Or Even Sit Down For Too Long.
Despite your vodka-induced enthusiasm and desire for a “quick, twenty-minute power nap” in the middle of the day, we all know where that road ends. It’s you waking up at 4 A.M. covered in Cheetos and wondering what year it is, with 72 missed iMessages from everyone else having a blast at the club. Avoid this easy trap, because you know full well that once your eyes close they are not opening for a v v v long time.
If You Have To Go Home, Bring Friends With You. And Not Boring ones.
While we are banning naps on this list, we do understand that you may need to go home throughout the day, i.e. to change your outfit, pregame, etc. That’s acceptable as long as you’re accompanied by friends who will prevent you from napping (see above). It’s also extremely important that you don’t include any downers at this stage who will plant the seed of calling it quits at that point and potentially drag you down with them.
Eat, But Like Not That Much.
If you’re going to maintain a steady intake of alcohol for the entire time you’re awake, you should probs incorporate some solids into that mix as well. That being said, eating an entire pizza is going to take a lot out of you physically, emotionally and spiritually, and it will be very hard to bounce back from that.
Have Fun Fucking Plans.
This one cannot be understated. A lame house party or even a bar with too many fugly people isn’t going to sustain you for five minutes after a solid afternoon of dartying, nor should it. Don’t be afraid to change locations until you find a solid venue, since that will also prevent you from sinking into the nearest chair/ couch/ floor. Like this whole endeavor, it’s all about endurance and ignoring multiple red flags from your body in the name of a good time, which we truly believe you are all capable of.