Chris Soules Is Trying To Get His Felony Charges Dropped

Chris Soules fans (do those exist?) can breathe a sigh of relief today, because he might not be quite as big of a dumbass as we previously thought. OK he still loses so, so many points for driving drunk and ultimately killing someone in an April accident, but the part about him fleeing the scene of the crime is now up for debate. Soules is trying to get his felony charge for leaving the scene of the accident dropped, because he says he actually stuck around and didn’t bounce like a chicken-shit right after the accident. So, I guess, like, good for him on that matter? I mean, a literal human being is dead because of his actions but at least he (allegedly) tried to take some responsibility for that.

According to documents obtained by ABC News, Soules actually was the one to call 911 and stayed on the scene of the accident. Previous reports said he just hit a dude’s tractor with a truck and then peaced, probably to seek emergency advice from Chris Harrison before making a final decision about whether or not to stick around. Soules’ attorneys now allege that Chris stayed on the scene until emergency responders arrived, and then he went home. I assume to guzzle some water and try to seem less drunk.

There’s even a 911 call to prove Soules tried to help this guy after the accident, which as far as evidence goes, seems pretty solid based off the countless hours I’ve spent watching crime documentaries on Netflix. No wonder Chris is so upset (beyond the fact that someone lost their life). I mean, I’d be pissed if I was actually sort of trying to do the right thing—after doing a really, really bad thing—and then a responding cop didn’t happen to mention I at least made some sort of effort.

Soules has been super roasted by the media (#guilty) for fleeing the scene that he apparently didn’t flee. How’s that for fake news, huh? Does it change what happened? No. A man still died and that’s very tragic. But at least I can go back to liking him more than I like Nick, which is still not very much at all.

Soules is currently out and about in Iowa (just picture that for a sec) on a $10,000 bond, but he’s due back in court on Tuesday in what will certainly be, as Chris Harrison would say, a historic day for Bachelor Nation. 

Chris Soules Was Arrested For Low-Key Killing Someone

Part-time farmer and former Bachelor Chris Soules is apparently a full-time idiot. The Iowa farm boy might be looking at some jail time after getting arrested for an alleged hit and run where another driver died.

Yes, you fucking read that correctly—someone fucking died. According to TMZ, Soules allegedly rear ended a John Deere tractor trailer—which, TBH, I don’t really know what that is—but then the asshole left the scene! The John Deere ended up in a ditch, and the driver was taken to a hospital by ambulance where he later died, which is incredibly sad.

And did Soules come through as a hero and try to help? No, the chicken shit drove off in his Chevy pickup like the subject of some depressing-ass country song. TMZ reported that as of this morning Soules is being arraigned—which, if you’ve ever watched Law & Order: SVU, you’d know that this is where Soules will choose to either plead guilty or not guilty—and police reportedly found alcohol containers at the time of the crash. So yeah, not looking good for our former farmer Bachelor.

Soules was booked into an Iowa jail on the charge of leaving the scene of a death, which you can bet definitely carries a big penalty if he’s found guilty. Yup, I just Googled it. Depending on where you live, getting convicted of that can leave you with a good chunk of prison time. Congrats Chris, I think you just might be the first Bachelor felon! Can they host a season of The Bachelor from inside a prison? What would the fantasy suites be like? I can see it now: “Riker’s Island is the perfect place to fall in love!”

Also, can we just talk about the mug shot for a hot second? In case you don’t believe us, you can clearly see Soules with his signature slicked-back hair and wearing a fucking shirt that says “Soules” on it. What in the hell, man. Maybe not the best branding.


— TheBachBabes (@TheBachBabes) April 25, 2017

How fucking thankful do you think Whintey is right now? She avoided a lifetime of writing Dear John letters while her fiancé served prison time and she was stranded in Bumfuck, Iowa. Safe to say she dodged a huge bullet.

Don’t meet your heroes, kids. Especially when that hero is a Bachelor with a dolphin laugh without the moral compass to stick around at the scene of an accident he caused THAT KILLED SOMEONE.

Rest In Peace to the other driver. Thoughts and prayers for his family.