Hunter Biden Is Setting The Record Straight

Hello, and welcome to hell American politics. In case you need a refresher: the president is an unstable moron who apparently feels like if he doesn’t tweet every hour he will die. On Friday, Trump decided to send out this very chill and very presidential tweet:

He was referring to Hunter Biden, son of Joe Biden, who has been at the center of the impeachment extravaganza after Trump asked Ukrainian officials to investigate him and his foreign business dealings. Lucky for Donald, Hunter Biden sat down with reporter Amy Robach to show that he is very much around and has nothing to hide. When Robach mentioned to Biden that Trump has suggested that he is “in hiding,” Biden said, “Hiding in plain sight, then.” Oookay, someone’s got jokes!!!

Hunter Biden took a job on the board of a Ukrainian natural gas company called Burisma while his father (Joe Biden) was Vice President. When asked by Robach if he ever discussed his business dealings at the company with his father, Hunter Biden gave a hard “no,” besides when his dad told him, “I hope you know what you’re doing.” What a classic dad thing to say.

Biden went on to say that there has been misinformation going around saying that he was not qualified for the job at Burisma. In the interview, he lists off his qualifications, but when asked if he would have gotten the job if his last name wasn’t Biden, he says, “I don’t know. Probably not. I don’t think that there’s a lot of things that would have happened in my life if my last name wasn’t Biden.” A white man outright addressing how his privilege has served him?!?!

Biden repeatedly said that he did not do anything ethically wrong, but he did admit to making some poor judgments — but none of them illegal or unethical.

“You know what, I’m a human, did I make a mistake? Maybe in the grand scheme of things, yeah. But did I make a mistake based upon some ethical lapse? Absolutely not,” he said, adding that the mistake he made was doing something that, “gave a hook to some very unethical people to act in illegal ways to try to do some harm to my father.” He elaborated on this with some sh*t-talking and name-dropping (we love to see it) by saying, “I don’t regret being on the board, what I regret is not taking into account that there would be a Rudy Giuliani and a president of the United States that would be listening to this ridiculous conspiracy idea.”

Biden also denied the allegation that Trump and his allies have made about a trip Hunter Biden made to China, which he traveled on Air Force Two with his father and daughter. Hunter Biden says he made the trip to accompany his teenage daughter, and that he met with some business associates in a social manner while there.

Trump has accused Hunter Biden of receiving $1.5 billion dollars from this trip. When asked if this is true, Biden said absolutely not, and that if it were, he would “not be sitting down for this interview right now.” This guy has the kind of material that could make him a successful mediocre male comedian in NYC (Hunter Biden, if you’re reading this, please do not take this to heart)!!!

He also offered up this nice quote when talking about the Trump Administration’s love for making sh*t up: ” They feel like they have the license to go out and say whatever they want. It feels to me like living in some kind of ‘Alice in Wonderland.'” Not a bad metaphor, but at least Alice in Wonderland was fun. This whole having an immoral bag of skin for a president feels less fun.

The best part of the interview was when Biden fired some shots at Donald Trump Jr, particularly when he referred to him as “Donald Prince Humperdinck,” when essentially saying he doesn’t give him or any Trump family member any thought because they don’t matter to him.

Live footage of Donald Prince Humperdinck and Hunter Biden feuding:

In short, Hunter Biden is your typical white guy with a successful daddy who probs got ahead in life based on that advantage. But there has been no evidence that shows he did anything illegal or unethical in his business dealing with Ukraine and China. Let’s hope this interview has reassured Trump’s concern that Hunter Biden is MIA and will make him stop tweeting (it won’t).

Photo courtesy ABC/Good Morning America

People Are Boycotting ‘Mulan’ After Star’s Controversial Statement

In case you haven’t been keeping up with the Betches Sup Newsletter (for shame!), sh*t is going down in Hong Kong. Thousands of protestors have taken to the streets and airports, initially to protest a bill that would extradite people from Hong Kong to China. But, much like your lewk in college, the protests have evolved into something more complex as time has gone on. Now, protestors are fighting for greater democracy, for China to loosen its grip, for their leader (Carrie Lam) to step down, and for the police to stop using excessive force. V reasonable.

Unfortunately, things have gotten violent, with the Hong Kong police using tear gas, rubber bullets, and other acts of brutality. Videos across social media highlight the excessive police force and injuries its caused, with some even showing police pulling guns on protesters. Not good.

And now Mulan is involved. God, the news refuses to be anything but normal these days.

Actress Liu Yifei, who is starring in the upcoming live-action version of Mulan, made a controversial statement in solidarity with the Hong Kong police yesterday, which created a wave of backlash for her online.

Liu posted, “I support the Hong Kong police. You can all attack me now. What a shame for Hong Kong,” on Weibo, which is China’s version of Twitter. Many took her support of Hong Kong police as her tolerance of the excess force they have been using against protesters, and naturally were not happy about this. People began posting #BoycottMuan on Twitter, and it was trending in both Hong Kong and America within hours. This is peak 2019 news.

The actress was born in China but is now an American citizen, so people were quick to point out her lack of legitimacy in the argument, as she’s not someone currently enduring what the people of Hong Kong are.

Disney’s Mulan actress, Liu Yifei, supports police brutality and oppression in Hong Kong.

Liu is a naturalized American citizen. it must be nice. meanwhile she pisses on people fighting for democracy.

retweet please. HK doesn’t get enough support. #BoycottMulan @Disney pic.twitter.com/FpECIdutH2

— sean norton ? (@sdnorton) August 15, 2019

She lives in America, her family is in America, she's a citizen who enjoys all the protection and privileges of any American. That includes freedom of speech. If she wanted to, she could be a powerful voice for justice but instead, she supports this brutality #boycottMulan

— Ally (@Ally50225919) August 16, 2019

Others in China have shown support for the actress. Still, there’s a general consensus of who the villain is in this story, and unfortunately for Liu, it’s not the Hong Kong protesters.

Ivanka May Or May Not Have Bribed China For A Trademark On Her Sh*tty Handbags

From the day her dad got elected last November, we’ve all been suspicious of Ivanka Trump’s role in the presidency. Is she going to stand up to her dad’s fucked up policies on women and the environment and everything in general, or will she just roll her eyes and table text her friends about how annoying her dad is being about North Korea, like most people do with their dads? On the one hand, she’s an “official advisor” to the President, but on the other she’s got like 15 other businesses, including her product line that’s been dropped by a million stores but is also “surging” in popularity because literally nothing makes sense these days. All this is to say, Ivanka is shady AF. Like, on the one hand you see her speak and think she seems pretty normal, but on the other hand you remember her dad is low-key destroying the country with her help. It’s like the girl in high school who seems really nice when you’re acquaintances and then when you become friends you find out she’s behind like 90% of the school’s most vicious rumors, including that Amber D’Alessio made out with a hotdog. 

Ever since Ivanka accepted her upaid White House internship, people have suspected that she may be able to use her close proximity to the President and other foreign leaders for personal gain and favors to her many, many businesses. And just like when you snooped through your ex’s phone and found 100 photos of him and some skank in Cabo, we were right to be suspicious.

Let’s break down a timeline for you. On April 6, Ivanka had dinner with the Chinese President, Xi Jinping, at Mar-a-Lago aka the place Trump goes when he should be in the White House doing presidential things. What’s the problem? Other than the fact that Mar-a-Lago just got 13 health violations so she and the Chinese President were likely consuming at least some amount of fecal matter, April 6 also happens to be the day that Ivanka got approved for trademarks to sell her jewelry, bags, and spa services in…you guessed it…China! So basically, while she was having dinner with China’s president, whoever handles the trademark approval in China just happened to give Ivanka the go-ahead to sell her knock-off Aquazzura shoes, which is definitely not shady or a conflict of interest at all. Nope, nothing unethical to see here. This is just like the time you accepted a Netflix and Chill request from your Physics T.A., and suddenly your grade in physics jumped from a C to an A++. A simple coincidence. 

So now we (and literally every person who follows the news in any way) have got to ask: Did Ivanka finagle this deal over a piece of delicious Mar-a-Lago chocolate cake (only 30% rat piss!)? And if so, what did Ivanka (definitely not) promise the Chinese President in order to get this deal? An Instagram follow? A lifetime supply of boring pink handbags? A game of footsie under the table? Casual assurance that we will support them in the impending nuclear apocolypse? There are just so many options (all of which are terrifying). 

Tbh, we’re pretty okay with Ivanka taking her boring-ass clothing line to China, as long as that means we won’t have to see them here. Actually, we’re not sure we’ve ever seen anyone carrying an Ivanka Trump handbag, which is probably why their sales were tanking at Nordstrom. Sorry honey, we just don’t want that shit. Maybe you should try selling them at Sears? Oh wait. They dropped her too.