Has Kanye Secretly Been Trolling Trump All Along?

The boys are  back in town! By the boys I mean Donald Trump and Kanye West, and by ‘back in town’ I mean meeting in the White House. That’s right, Twitter BFFs Trump and “Ye” are getting togeth for a lil’ meeting this Thursday AKA tomorrow. Adorbs. The two are supposed to meet with Jared Looks-Like-He-Just-Proudly-Jizzed-In-His-Pants Kushner to talk about prison reform and violence in Chicago. These are important issues…being discussed by two unstable narcissists and a greedy, immoral third wheel…what could go wrong?!

Here’s my first question: what room in the White House is big enough to hold both Trump’s and Kanye’s massive egos. Haha, BURN. Okay, next Q: can Kanye actually convince Trump to make policy changes when it comes to the criminal justice system? And can he convince him to reconsider his recent suggestion that we implement ‘stop and frisk’ (which is racist and has proven to be ineffective) in Chicago (where West was born)? There’s a lot at play here. First of all, I’m not entirely sure exactly where Kanye West stands on these issues. I mean, I would assume he is for prison reform and against stop and frisk, but he has been known to tweet about how “slavery was a choice” and how we should “abolish the 13th Amendment”, so like who f*cking knows at this point. Also, will Trump actually listen to him or will he just pretend to care and then not do sh*t about it, AKA the strategy of all my exes? Trump loves anyone who praises him, so naturally he’s low-key obsessed with Kanye West. Will his pathetic need for admiration lead to him doing whatever Kanye advises? And this question, my friends, leads me to my ultimate Q: has Kanye West been playing the long game all along???

Okay, hear me out. It could be possible that Kanye West, as a self-obsessed celeb with no filter himself, realized that he knew exactly how to play Trump because they are so similar. This could be a real ‘takes one to know one’ sitch. If this is the case, maybe Kanye West planned to stroke the president’s ego by praising him online, knowing that this could eventually lead to him scoring a meeting with Trump, where he could advocate for things he knows the president’s inner circle would have conservative views on: criminal justice reform and how to handle violence in Chicago. Maybe this is an inside job. Maybe – just maybe – the call is coming from inside the house!!! Wow, I am killing it in terms of misusing references today.

However, there is also the chance that this is really just two idiots with too much money who love being complimented getting together to tell each other how amazing they are.

Actual footage of Kanye West Meeting With Trump:

Unfortunately, this scenario is more likely. It is possible that these issues will be addressed in the meeting, but I’m not exactly hopeful that anything will really come of them. Kim Kardashian West has met with Trump in the past to talk about prison reform, and it led to him pardoning Alice Marie Johnson, who was in prison for nonviolent drug charges. That’s great and all, but it’s important to note that Trump releasing individuals from prison because a celeb who doesn’t make fun of him online told him to is *not* prison reform. There are sooooo many PoC in prison because of nonviolent drug crimes, and most of them aren’t related to Kim K, so privilege is still calling the shots here. Anyway, my point is that it will take systemic and institutional change to reform our criminal justice policies, and this will likely require more than a meeting between Trump and his biggest celeb admirer. *But* perhaps it is a start. Essentially, as of now we are relying on Kanye West for this one…great.

This all comes at a time when it’s becoming glaringly obvious that celebrities can greatly influence American politics. I mean, our president is a literal reality TV star, and Taylor Swift just made voter registration numbers soar after finally disclosing her political beliefs. It’s great when celebrities use their platforms to influence people to vote and  participate in democracy, but it’s also kind of sad that that is what it takes.  Perhaps we as a society should take this as a sign that we need to get our priorities in check. We should be educating ourselves and our peers, friends, and family members about why we should care about the state of our nation/democracy before taylor swift tells us to. Just a thought! Until then, here’s to hoping that Kanye West is able to persuade Trump to stop putting black people in jail at a disproportionate and alarming rate…

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

A Holocaust Denier Is Running For Office And He’ll Probably Win

Another day, another douchebag. Today we’re talking about Arthur Jones, a Holocaust denier who is running for office in Chicago. Amaze. As the Hamburglar in Chief showed us, you can be scum of the Earth and they just let you become a politician. It’s that easy. What a world.

So far, Arthur Jones is the only Republican nominee running for the Chicago-area congressional district, so he is likely to appear on the ballot. I’m also fairly certain he is just a bunch of old, racist crows in trench coat, so there’s also that. A little bit more about him, he has outwardly said that the Holocaust is “the biggest, blackest lie in history.” He’s a former leader of the American Nazi Party and now leads a group open to “any white American citizen of European, non-Jewish descent.” Tbh sounds like he belongs in a DC movie playing one of the villains, not in American politics, but that’s just my honest/correct opinion.

This asshole has tried to run in the past, but has failed. This time around there are no other Republican nominees to run against him and no one challenged his petitions. It’s almost like this kind of vile white supremacy is becoming normalized in our country and allowing legit nazis to have a voice. Just throwing that out there.

The Republican Governor of Illinois, Bruce Rauner, spoke out against Jones, saying there was “no room for Neo Nazis in American politics.” That’s all well and good, Brucie, but I hate to break it to you, but it kinda looks like there is. You know, since there’s a Neo Nazi running for office in your state. There *shouldn’t* be room for them. But here we are.

Here’s to hoping another Republican candidate steps up to run against him, and that they’re not a Nazi. Dream big. If you know any Republicans in Chicago, please text them and ask them to run. Or tell them to write somebody in, who, again, is *not* a Nazi. Nazis in office are not a good look.

Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!

Images: Giphy (2)

The 6 Best Cities To Get Blackout On St. Patrick’s Day

Congratulations Betches, we made it to another St. Patrick’s Day. Nestled between Valentine’s Day and Easter (two much shittier holidays), St. Paddy’s Day is the one day of the year when people are actually nice to gingers. St. Patrick’s Day is the best kind of holiday, because no one really knows/cares where it comes from, but it’s an extremely solid reason to get wasted. It might have something to do with like the Irish potato famine? I think I remember hearing something about like, snakes or some shit? Is Taylor Swift somehow involved? Idk, we’re not historians. Either way, St. Patrick’s dayis where it’s acceptable—nay, required—to get so drunk you pee somewhere you’re not supposed to. And like, sure, you could be boring AF and drink a larger-than-normal glass of wine at your friend’s apartment, or you could have the time of your life at one of these iconic St. Paddy’s destinations. You decide. But just know we will be judging your decision. 

1. Chicago

We’ve all seen the photos of the river in downtown Chi, which they literally dye green every year. We have a lot of questions about the environmental impact of this, but we also just like to drink. Come to think of it, maybe they should fill the river with beer? Can fish drink beer? Idk. Anyway, if you’re lucky enough to be in Chicago come St. Pat’s, there’s a huge parade through the city, and there are also like a million Irish bars if you get cold outside (likely). TBH if you live anywhere in the Midwest, hop in a car because Chicago is where you need to be.

Chicago St. Patrick's Day Green River

2. Savannah

This might seem random, but Savannah, Georgia has one of the biggest St. Patrick’s Day parades in the country. If you’re in the mood to get out of the city for a few days, head south to Savannah for a more culturally accurate version. If you’re feeling really Irish, you can even go to the official Catholic Mass before the parade, because God knows we all have some sins to atone for. Just remember, the communal wine is the blood of Christ, and not to be used for body shots. 

Savannah St Patrick's Day Celebration

3. New Orleans

You’d think New Orleans might still be collectively hungover from Mardi Gras, but they always turn back up in time for St. Paddy’s. The Irish Channel Parade is conveniently located by some outstanding bars, and they’re known for throwing literal whole cabbages, so your Instagram caption can be a joke about boobs if you catch two. If you’re still in the mood to party once the official shit is over, don’t worry: the bars here literally don’t close. And, it bears repeating, you can walk around with open containers of alcohol in the streets—legally.

New Orleans St Patrick's Day

4. Boston

Boston has like 3 billion Irish people, so you know shit’s gonna get crazy. Too bad the weather is literally the worst. This year the blizzard is forcing them to cut the parade in half, which just means you’ll have to get drunk that much quicker. We don’t know a lot about Boston, but the parade goes through Southie, which means you’ll probably see the Afflecks and the Wahlbergs!!

Boston St. Patrick's Day Celebration

5. New York

NYC has a huge St. Patrick’s Day parade on Fifth Avenue every year, so it’s basically like every other holiday in New York. There are also numerous official bar crawls happening, so if you’re in the mood to walk a few miles while you drink that’s a solid option. Either way, there’s always a way to have a good time in a city of 10 million people.

NYC St. Patrick's Day Parade

6. Dublin

If you’re trying to be as ~authentic~ as possible, save up and head to the motherland next year. They don’t fuck around, turning St. Paddy’s into a 4 day festival instead of one shitty parade. They light all the buildings with green lights and make it into a huge cultural event with tons of food, alcohol, and hopefully a few leprechauns. There’s Guinness literally everywhere you turn, so you have no excuse not to forget what country you’re in.

Dublin St. Patrick's Day

Read: How To Wear Green Makeup On St. Patrick’s Day Without Looking Like A Leprechaun