Among a lot of other shitty things, 2017 is officially the year of clusterfuck festivals. It all started with the disaster to end all disasters—Fyre Festival, where thousands of rich millennials had to sleep in refugee tents in a hurricane surrounded by feral dogs and no actual music acts. I mean, it was terrible but also, lol. That’s what happens when you pay $100K for a festival put on by an early 2000s rapper. The latest fuckup fest took place across the pond in England at Cheese Fest, where a shit ton of cheese lovers came out to embrace in their passion for raclette, mozzarella and gouda—oh my! But things went horribly awry.
What happened at Cheese Fest? Were attendees served a slice of Kraft singles on a piece of Wonderbread passed off as a gourmet meal? No. It was worse. They ran out of cheese. I repeat, the cheese festival ran out of cheese. YOU HAD ONE JOB, ENGLAND.
Look… Were people endangered by being flown to island with no proper food or shelter during a tropical storm? No. But they were promised cheese and they didn’t get it. That’s worse, IMO. In addition to a cheese-less festival of cheese, there were crazy long lines. But like, what were y’all in line for? There wasn’t any cheese. In response to the freak out over lack of cheese, the organizers claimed they didn’t expect such a high demand for cheese. Oh really? At the fucking Cheese Fest? That’s like the Fyre Festival organizers saying they didn’t plan on people wanting to hear music or not die in a hurricane.
Here’s the lesson, people: Host your own fucking cheese fest. Publix has a nice cheese aisle with all you’ll ever need and you won’t run out (#NotAnAd). Fucking duh. Oh, and just a friendly reminder to never go to any event hosted by Ja Rule.