So way back when—as in like, September—we gave you the 4-1-1 on ASOS’s brand new makeup line. If this is all news to you, it’s fine. Like, I honestly don’t remember what I had for dinner last night. It’s fine. Let me refresh your memory: Just a few weeks ago, ASOS released ASOS Make-Up. That’s literally the name of the collection, so there’s no pretentious BS. It includes everything we need to survive like mascara, contour palettes, and so many nudes (lipsticks, get your mind out of the gutter). It’s all under our spending budget on anything that’s not alcohol-related, aka under $20, and the black and pink packaging is adorable. We wouldn’t buy cute new makeup without telling our friends first, so here we are, being such good friends so you can be obsessed, too.
P.S. There’s free shipping on anything over $40, so all you have to do is buy four of these bitches and you get all the benefits of shopping in a store, but you get to do it on the couch with no pants on. Um, amazing.
If you say you don’t use more than one mascara to perfect your lashes as some form of OCD, that’s just a damn lie. The limit does not exists with how many mascaras you have. This vegan-friendly mascara—just throwing that out there to make us all feel good about our purchases—comes with a super large wand to brush through even the smallest lashes and coats on seamlessly for lashes that look like they’re false. But like, in a good way.
Two words: nude lipstick. Need I say more? This velvety formula applies as liquid and dries as a matte lipstick that won’t dry out your lips. So, ya, you can toss Kylie aside for a better *and* more affordable option that won’t make your bank account hate you. A little louder for us broke bitches in the back, pls. In addition to their bold shades, ASOS’s neutral shades are on point, tbh. This shade in particular is a combo of beige and pink, a perf fall nude you can add to your never-ending collection.
Finding a highlighter shade that doesn’t make you want to give up on
life using makeup is almost like trying to go out without blacking out. Clearly, ASOS knows this is a crucial issue in our day and age, so they’ve created highlighter shades that range from subtle to glitter fest. Now you’ll have no problem finding the perfect one for you and your chiseled cheekbones. Tenacious is an “oyster-pink” shade with the slightest hint of shimmer for a natural-looking glow on any skin tone. Swipe where good lighting hits your face, and blend in with your fingers.
It’s 2017, so chances are everyone and their grandmother owns a fucking contour palette by now. Actually, IDK about your grandmother. Camille probs doesn’t have one. You know what I mean. Regardless of how many basic contour palettes you’ve swatched and tried, this pressed powder palette comes with options just in case you feel like switching your contour game up—something I’m sure your fave doesn’t even offer. With two different bronzers, you can choose between looking au naturale or going full-out Kim Kardashian.
If your eyebrows are ever looking anything less than #flawless, what the actual fuck are you doing with your life? And on the off chance that you’re having a midlife crisis and trying to make wiggle eyebrows a thing, don’t even think about fucking looking at me. Like, that’s just
the rules of the feminism why eyebrow shaping palettes exist to begin with. This palette is literally called determined, for god’s sake, and it’s obviously determined to help a sista out. It comes with tinted eyebrow wax and 2 pressed powders to shape, highlight, and define to create a killer brow.
Unless you’re 12 years old or don’t consistently wake up on Monday morning from a Sunday brunch hangover (and honestly wtf else would you be doing with your life?), I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got bags, and I’m not talking that reusable trendy shit you hoard in your pantry. Look, we’re not getting any younger. It’s just the ugly truth. Like, idk when girls started treating under-eye concealers like a choice of wedding meal courses, but these aren’t an option. When it all comes down to it, concealers are a matter of life or death, mostly because without something to cover up your under-eye bags or dark circles, or whatever your issue is, you actually look like a fucking corpse.
So if you’re one of those self-described “lucky” girls who thinks this doesn’t apply to you, then by all means, skip over this article, but expect to stop being carded at the ripe age of 25. For all the rest of us, these under-eye concealers are worth sacrificing two drinks, and selling your soul at Ulta. But like, what else is new?
It Cosmetics CC+ Eye Color Correcting Full Coverage Cream
First off, if someone could tell me what the fuck ‘CC’ means, that’d be great. But I know enough about it to know that ‘CC cream’ and ‘full coverage’ have never been used in the same sentence. Which is why this shit is one-of-a-kind and I will swear by it til death. First off, it works as an anti-aging product, so there’s that. It also comes equipped with advanced Cold Spoon Technology aka a groundbreaking metal tip, but tbh the cooling application feels like heaven. It’s also SPF 50, so in other words, add this product to your cart, like yesterday, so you don’t look like melted butter at the beach this weekend.
Anastasia Beverly Hills Concealer
You know anything with as betchy of a name as Anastasia is bound to be a decent product. I mean, just look at the success of her eyebrow products. But anyway, this concealer comes in 16 shades, so unlike last week’s Bumble match, you’re bound to find a match you don’t feel personally victimized by. But what’s best about this is that it stays put all day and for those oily skin types, won’t settle into creases. Plus, in really desperate times, you can use this as an all-over foundation. So what Anastasia is basically getting at is that there’s no excuse for you to look anything but fabulous during your walk of shame.
Milk Makeup Flex Concealer
Our environment has already gone to shit, but that doesn’t mean your face has to. Idfk how a makeup brand can be gluten-free, but the entire Milk line is eco-friendly, for all of you who still care about what goes on your face (I wish I did, tbh). It allows for full coverage but also the ability to still move your face freely without feeling like a cracked sidewalk. The product is infused with marshmallow and chamomile (wtf?), so it’s best used on fair skin and pink undertones to decrease redness and stress pimples.
NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer
Betches love simplicity. Actually, betches love being able to get away with doing the bare minimum. In that case, this NARS concealer wand is pure gold. Not only will it give your skin a radiant glow (hence the title, duh.), but it’s also lightweight and doubles up as a contouring wand and can also be used to hide those trouble areas, all while giving the impression that you actually didn’t need to use Snapchat’s pretty filter to take a no-makeup selfie.
L’Oreal True Match Super Blendable Crayon Concealer
When you’re balling on the broke bitch budget and have to choose between a decent concealer and Sunday brunch, don’t. That just adds stress, and I’ve already had waste my own time explaining how to cover your stress bags. But with this drugstore concealer, you won’t have to enjoy brunch solely via Instagram. It allows for full, lightweight coverage, and you can either use the tip of the crayon for finer contouring lines, or the side of the crayon for larger areas of skin – you know, basic first grade shit.
Kat Von D Lock-It Concealer Creme
If Kat Von D is able to cover up those ugly star face tattoos with her own makeup brand, then her line of under eye concealers will undoubtedly cover up all your weekend regrets. The velvety finish of this full-coverage concealer is long-lasting and will give your under-eye region an instantly brightened finish. It’s also known to fall on the thicker spectrum of coverage, so bitch about the thickness all you want, but you’ll be spending a stupid amount of time correcting those under-eye bags on FaceTune.
Makeup For Ever Ultra HD Concealer
This concealer is exactly as promised in the name – it lasts for fucking ever. Wear it through your weekend alcohol binge, sport it during a zombie apocalypse, wherever the case, it’s the shit. Not only that, but the lightweight formula is infused with Pure Focus Pigments designed to even out skin tones and erase shadows, so you don’t look like burnt toast. But if you’re still not convinced, it also won some prestigious beauty award in Allure, but I’m sure these all did at one point, so.