The past month has been a pretty unprecedented time, and everyone has dealt with it in different ways. For most of us, that just means watching a lot of TV and eating all the snacks in sight—nothing that groundbreaking. But the most important element of a quarantine situation is who you’re with. Whether it’s no one, your roommate or S.O., or your parents and siblings, you’re spending a lot of time with these people. That’s what makes certain celebrity quarantine situations so wild.
Of course, we’ve seen lots of celebrity couples quarantined together—I think Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have literally taken 1,000 walks for the paparazzi at this point. But while most of the couples are pretty unsurprising, there are some more unexpected celeb quarantine situations that need to be addressed. Here are the most random celebrity quarantine pairings.
Amy Poehler & Will Arnett
“I haven’t taken a shower in about a month.” @arnettwill and #AmyPoehler bringing the smiles and laughter😊 #StrongerTogether #TousEnsemble @StrongerCanada pic.twitter.com/9D5WO7T0pc
— CTV (@CTV) April 26, 2020
This deep into quaran-times, I didn’t think we would get any more major discoveries, but boy was I wrong. On Sunday night, CTV hosted a major live fundraiser to raise money for Canada’s food banks, and many of our favorite Canadian celebs, from Ryan Reynolds, to Drake, to Justin Trudeau, made appearances. But the biggest shock of the night was when Will Arnett and Amy Poehler—who divorced in 2016—made a joint appearance. What does this mean?!?!? Could they just be together so their kids can be with both of them? Sure. But could there be more to the story? Maybe!! For now, I’ll try not to get my hopes up, but this still feels like major news. Oh, and who knew Will Arnett was Canadian?
Bruce Willis & Demi Moore
What year is it? What is going ON? These famous exes are quarantined together with their adult children in Sun Valley, Idaho, and it seems like everyone is having a pretty good time. The thing that makes this so weird is that Bruce Willis is currently married to someone else—and they have two young children together. So while Bruce’s current wife and kids are quarantined in Los Angeles, he’s hundreds of miles away, playing house with his ex. A source told People that “everything is great” between Bruce and current wife Emma, and that she has “no issues” with him being in Idaho, but like… something seems not right here.
Kaia Gerber, Ashley Benson, Cara Delevingne, Tommy Dorfman, & Margaret Qualley
For the first couple weeks of quarantine, this was pretty much the peak quarantine crew. I mean, you’ve got models, actors and TWO Pete Davidson exes. They were making TikToks, going for walks, and generally were pretty unavoidable. But I guess a quarantine house is only fun for so long, and now the group has dispersed. It appears that Margaret Qualley was the first to peace out, and she’s been seen walking with her mom, Andie MacDowell. For the past couple weeks, Kaia Gerber has also been with her parents in Malibu.
I understand why spending over a month with a bunch of random friends would get old, but it seems like this group is kind of missing the point here. Quarantine isn’t just an extended sleepover, from which your parents can pick you up at any moment. Wherever you were a month ago is where you should still be now!
Khloé Kardashian & Tristan Thompson
I love that tristan is watching this premiere with me and he is now seeing what they say when he’s not around lol AWKWARD!! #KUWTK
— Khloé (@khloekardashian) March 27, 2020
The Kardashian-Jenners have been forced into some interesting quarantine situations. Both Kylie Jenner and Khloé Kardashian are spending time with their exes, with whom they both have children. It looks like Tristan Thompson isn’t actually living at Khloé’s house, but he’s been coming over regularly to see True, and she even mentioned on Twitter that they were watching KUWTK together. I don’t know if that’s proper protocol, but I also can’t imagine not being able to see my child during all of this. It seems clear that Khloé and Tristan aren’t actually back together, but she did say on KUWTK last week that she would consider “borrowing” some of his sperm to have a second baby. Like, ew.
Victoria Fuller & Chris Soules
(EXCLUSIVE): One of the more random Bachelor “couples” that I can’t say I ever would’ve guessed. I don’t know how long this has been going on or how serious it is, but I can confirm that Victoria Fuller is currently together in Iowa for the week with Chris Soules. Discuss.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) April 15, 2020
Of course, we’ve talked about the questionable quarantine situations of Kelley and Peter, and Hannah and Tyler. But I think the most interesting Bachelor Nation development during this whole time has been Victoria Fuller’s alleged trip to spend time with Chris Soules in Iowa. I don’t know what to say about these two potentially being together, other than that I certainly did not see it coming. To be fair, we don’t know anything about their relationship other than that Reality Steve confirmed Victoria was visiting him, and that they maybe posted pictures with the same couch cushions in the background. But regardless, I shudder to think about the chaos that they would create together.
So now that you’ve seen some of these messy quarantine situations, maybe being stuck in your childhood bedroom, having all your meals made for you, doesn’t seem that bad. At least you’re not stuck with an ex that cheated on you while you were pregnant? Idk, I guess there’s no ideal situation right now. If you’re aware of any other wild celebrity quarantine setups, please let me know, because I need to live vicariously through these people.
Images: Jerritt Clark / Contributor / Getty Images; buuski, caradelevingne / Instagram; khloekardashian, realitysteve / Twitter
I tell you, the quarantine has brought out the best and the worst in people. And by “people” I’m not talking about your crazy Aunt Cheryl’s return to Facebook, I’m talking about the plague upon humanity that is Bachelor Nation. I think it’s safe to say I’m always talking about The Bachelor, mmkay? While the most exciting thing in our day-to-day lives has been getting dressed up to take the dog out to poop three times a day, ABC’s children of the corn have been treating quarantine like their own personal PR playground. They heard “pandemic” and instead of thinking of new ways to relax and reset, they’re out here finding new and creative ways to stay relevant even though absolutely no one asked them to. So, without further ado, here are the thirstiest people in Bachelor Nation right now, who really need to do less.
Chad Johnson
Am I surprised that Chad Johnson is using this pandemic to extend his 15 minutes of fame? No, not at all. Do I want to see it, though? Also no, not at all. Surprisingly, Chad isn’t pulling the move I thought he would and starting Twitter fights with a new person in Bachelor Nation every two days, but he is promoting his OnlyFans real hard. It’s apparently now free, which I think kind of defeats the purpose of having an OnlyFans?
Just made a new FREE OnlyFans account! Check it out! 😈https://t.co/n6G9BInqoY
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) April 2, 2020
He also apparently bought domain names for various Bachelor alums. He really is the Martin Shkreli of Bachelor Nation. I’m not going to click any of the links, because I don’t want to give Chad the satisfaction, but I would imagine they just redirect to his OnlyFans page.
Who has a better website? Kelsey Weier? Chase Mcnary? Hannah Ann? Or Derek Peth? Or Robby Hayes? Personally I like all of them.https://t.co/2S2HD0fvB3https://t.co/xSDBBKrqrDhttps://t.co/uogKYUt3Jshttps://t.co/nAKMFtiPPrhttps://t.co/tmHxuN1WLn#TheBachelor
— Chad Johnson (@realChadJohnson) March 18, 2020
You guys: Say OnlyFans again.
Me:
Clare Crawley
Poor Clare. America’s favorite spinster was just a few weeks away from finding her happy ending with all of those post-Bachelorette sponsorships, when the world shut down due to a global pandemic. If that’s not the most Clare thing to ever happen to a person, then I don’t know what is. But Clare has been staying strong and clinging to her relevance harder than I’ve been clinging to the idea that I still have 4th of July plans. When COVID first hit and ABC announced that her season would be postponed, she took to Twitter to reignite a feud with her Bachelor ex Juan Pablo. More recently, Clare hopped on Instagram to announce that she still has the dress she was dumped in on national television six years ago. That would be special if I didn’t 100% believe all contestants are contractually obligated to keep those for 10 years after their season is over lest ABC miss an opportunity to exploit the most painful and humiliating moment of their life for their own personal gain.
While I appreciate Clare’s efforts to remain relevant, her tactics just feel tired. Starting sh*t with your ex from six years ago on a public platform? Posting about your hoe clothes from the past?? These are things I would have done in college, and all it earned me was pitying looks from my sorority’s Safety and Wellness chair.
Hannah Ann Sluss
I feel for Hannah Ann, I really do. She did all the right things while competing for Peter’s heart. She laughed at all of his jokes, she cried when she was supposed to, she let Peter talk her into recreating that scene from Titanic during their Fantasy Suite date, and she didn’t even look repulsed when Peter’s mom called Pachi post-coitus. She was denied the coveted Bachelorette spot and now it’s looking like Paradise might be out for her too. This was supposed to be her time to shine!! How is she supposed to get modeling gigs that aren’t for off-brand shapewear or a Denny’s menu if she isn’t able to capitalize off her Bachelor fame?? And so this is why I forgive her for staging her own paparazzi shots during a global pandemic. I’ve seen more stories online about Hannah Ann being “spotted” in LA than I have articles from the CDC about proper hand washing. When she’s not being “caught” out and about it in a full face of contour, she’s been blowing up the TikTok scene with cringey dance routines that feature her favorite famous friends. Honestly, I hope this strategy works for her. She deserves to get something out of her relationship with Peter other than just time served.
Pilot Pete
Guys, I’m worried about Peter. There, I’ve said it! After failing to make it work with 25+ of America’s Next Top Instagram Models, getting engaged, breaking off that engagement, getting a girlfriend for two hours, and breaking up that relationship because his mommy told him to, he’s been struggling. While most Bachelor/ette leads come off their season with shiny new engagements (or at least shiny, new spon-con deals), Pilot Pete’s biggest announcement as of late is that he’s moving out of his parent’s basement. Maybe. Probably. If he can get them to co-sign his lease after the pandemic ends. You can tell he might be at his breaking point by the way he’s been acting out on TikTok recently. Peter’s TikTok activity ranges from mild cringiness to straight-up I’m calling his mother. Honestly, I’m worried for him. Barb, can we get a wellness check up in here??
Hannah Brown + Tyler C
I’m just going to come out and say this because we’ve all been thinking it: The Quarantine Crew is blasphemous. There is actually nothing more offensive to me than a bunch of hot singles flaunting their hotness and proximity to a Florida timeshare while the rest of us consider which old underwear to use when we need to wipe our asses after the TP stockpile runs empty. For the past several weeks now, Hannah and Tyler C have been living their best lives down in Florida in what appears to be some sort of harem situation. At best, their social distancing can be described as a deleted scene from Spring Breakers; at worst, something the CDC definitely referenced in their Powerpoint of what not to do during their last White House briefing. Either way, out of respect for those of us who are subsisting on a diet of Kraft cheese slices and Franzia and who haven’t breathed fresh air since February, they need to cut that sh*t out and save their antics for when Mike Fliess can profit off it, mmkay?
Images: ABC/John Fleenor; @hannahann_fanpage /Instagram (1); @thebetchelor /Instagram (1); @thequarantinecrew /Instagram (1); @jessclarke_ /Instagram (1); @usweekly /Instagram (1)
In case you somehow missed it, Hannah Brown and Tyler Cameron are quarantining together. And now, another possible Bachelor couple, Peter and Kelley, was seen out and about actively disobeying social distancing protocols. I guess we can finally say for sure that Bachelor producers don’t pick their cast based on intelligence, right? And Bachelor couples aren’t the only couples that are quarantining together—real celebrities are doing it too! Why aren’t these people worried they’re going to hate each other by the end of this? I’m quarantining with my mother and I’m 99% sure the only reason she hasn’t murdered me yet is because she doesn’t want the nine months that she carried me in her womb to be for nothing. So, it’s either very brave or very stupid of these celebrities to spend an undetermined amount of time together. Let’s take a look at which celebrity couples have decided to take their chances, and attempt to answer the eternal question: do celebrities that quarantine together stay together?
Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello
So I guess this charade is still happening. Shawn and Camila have called the paparazzi on themselves been spotted out in Miami multiple times since quarantine began. Aggressively kissing, of course, because no one would buy that they’re a couple if they’re not swallowing each other’s faces whole. Oh wait, we still don’t buy it. Shouldn’t have wasted the saliva, guys! But that was SO sweet of them to remind us that it’s possible to stay fit while under quarantine—I mean, look at those abs! Could you livestream a workout for us, Shawn? Should I buy any equipment? Will I need to put down my Cheetos? Anyway, I’m not too worried about this couple breaking up in isolation. They’ll only break up when their contract says to, and I’m sure their lawyers thought of a pandemic clause.
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas
Another couple doing their part to make sure the paparazzi stay employed during this unprecedented time of unemployment is Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas. I’m veryyyyy concerned about these two. First, they went from dating to “these are the sounds my body makes” in about .5 seconds. Second, they seem to really want people to know they’re banging, in a time when people reallyyyy don’t care. We’re just trying to secure enough toilet paper over here! Honestly, I’m happy that Ben is happy, partially because I think he makes things harder for himself than they need to be, but mostly because The Accountant is an underrated movie for which he did not get his due. But also, I beg of you, stay home! And actually, maybe I am very worried about this relationship because if they can’t obey an order to stay home that is strictly to SAVE LIVES, maybe they’re getting sick of each other already?
Leonardo DiCaprio and Camila Morrone
This one has me shook. Yes, Camila and Leo have been together for a while. Yes, there are no parties for Leo to attend at this time. Yes, Coachella was canceled. Yes, his infamous Pussy Posse does have too many members for the CDC to allow them to hang out right now. But I never thought it would come to this. Leo alone with a girlfriend for an extended amount of time? Giving her the impression that they might just be serious? The world really is ending. According to Harper’s Bazaar, Leo and Camila are in quarantine at his LA mansion and “they’re always together, but like maintaining privacy.” I assume that means that when Camila starts talking about TikTok he sends her to her room, right? They’ve even decided to foster a dog! I’m flummoxed. Look, I can’t tell you for sure if these two will make it through, the only thing I can tell you is that if we’re still in quarantine when she turns 25, they definitely will not.
Demi Lovato and Max Ehrich
I just said to my mother that now might be the time to get into soap operas. But I didn’t mean to, like, get into them, you know? Someone must have said the same thing to Demi and she took it very literally because it looks like she is quarantining with Max Ehrich, an actor on The Young and The Restless. Wow. That show title just hit hard. According to People, Max has posted Instagram stories of himself cuddling with Demi’s dogs, and a shirtless picture saying he didn’t pack enough for his quarantine. No one did, Max! Demi responded in the comments, “Fine by me…”. So I think it’s safe to say they have plenty to do to pass the time.
Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez
I know you’re wondering if you should know who Dalton Gomez is, but don’t worry, you shouldn’t, and we broke his details down for you here. I’m honestly shocked that this guy is not a YouTube star because I find if I don’t know a name I hear on a celebrity website, they’re most likely a mildly offensive human who gets paid $24 million a year to tape themselves doing dumb sh*t. But, this guy is a realtor. Ariana met him through friends and apparently he sells multi-million dollar houses. Not right now you don’t, Dalton! Ain’t nobody got any money. We all know that Ariana is great at a quick, intense relationship *cough* all those Pete Davidson tattoos *cough* so this relationship might really thrive for the next few months. But once this is over and all of us mole people return to the light? They’re done.
Best of luck to all these quarantining celebrity couples, and may the odds be ever in their favor! Which celebrity couples do you think will make it out of isolation without hate in their hearts and blood on their hands?
Images: Debby Wong / Shutterstock.com; maxehrich, camilamorrone / Instagram; Giphy
