Hello! And welcome back to your regularly scheduled Kardashian news breakdown. It’s like The Sup, but about butts and Photoshop, and is far more judgmental. Fun! For those of you who don’t have working eyes and ears and thus haven’t been following along, Khloé Kardashian has had a rough couple of weeks lately with the media. This is in part because we’ve been savagely roasting her ass for the Photoshop abominations she’s been trying to pass off as legitimate Instagram posts and, like, we’re not going to apologize for that. It’s called investigative journalism, sweetie, look it up!! And, look, the articles don’t all come from a bad place here. Khloé’s been my favorite Kardashian ever since Kim and Kris started gracing our screens in their matching Juicy tracksuits with their delusions of grandeur, but MY GOD, Khloé, I can’t see one more lumpy arm or a butt with missing chunks on my IG feed or I’m going to have to start reporting your posts to Instagram HQ for offensive material. Consider this your last warning, Khlo! But Khloé recently just came for all her photoshop haters, and let’s just say it was a petty masterpiece.
The clapback went down in Khloé’s IG comments, because apparently the comments section on Instagram is destined to be our generation’s courtroom. Here’s the sitch: last Friday Khloé posted a selfie to Instagram in which people in the comments section heavily implied that she had tampered with the photo. I’m not sure what gave her away: the millennial pink overlay or the fact that her face in this photo is entirely different than the one she was born with? Khloé wrote “Good vibes only” as her caption, which is pretty much an invitation for people to troll her photo—at least that’s what I tell my sister every time she thinks she can get away with using that caption (it’s for your own good, sis!). Judge the photo for yourself:
Look, I’m no Photoshop expert (you’ll have to slide into Holly Gobetchy’s DMs for that), so I’m not going to blast Khloé for what could be another photoshop fail or just a really good
plastic surgeon “filter.” But my feelings are apparently too nice about the matter because fans WENT IN on Khloé for Photoshopping her selfie, to which Khloé responded with more passive aggression than I use to email HR about our lack of a summer Friday policy. Let’s look at the comment, shall we:
Wooowww the kissy face emoji, Khloé? Really? That’s the emoji I usually reserve for commenting on any sorority sister’s IG post thanking people for birthday wishes when I did not in fact wish her a happy birthday, but okay.
Let’s break down the comment real quick, shall we? We have one commenter @missdingledobbs, who thinks that Khloé photoshopped her selfie because in the photo we can’t see the mole that Khloé was born with on her face. We also can’t see the nose, lips, or cheek bones, but sure let’s focus on the mole. We have another commenter, @asmarsmi, defending Khloé by saying: “I have 3 on mine. Ahh the miracles of foundation and laziness of taking it off with a q-tip in those spots.” That’s the comment Khloé responds to with three kissy face emojis, effectively shading her hater and saying without really saying that this photo is the result of a sh*t ton of foundation and not photoshopping. K.
But Khloé’s not done yet! Another commenter said: “your eyes got pulled back too much.” To which Khloé responded with:
“@mari_888_sol so now my eyes are pulled back? Lol oh man… you guys are really reaching. But sure, whatever you want to believe. I’m good with whatever babe much love sent your way.”
Tbh I think Khloé has a fair point here. This photo was clearly not photoshopped so much as it was sculpted by her plastic surgeon in a remote Calabasas location 8-12 months prior. Come on, anyone can see that. Get your facts right, @mari_888_sol!
Well that’s your daily dose of Kardashian news. I’d love to say “that’s all for today” or even “that’s all for this hour” but knowing Kris Jenner and also Khloé’s passion for FaceTune, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from us a lot sooner than that. Until then!
Images: @khloekardashian /Instagram (3)
Celebrities just cannot get enough of Photoshop. And by “Photoshop”, I don’t actually mean Photoshop, because none of them have a f*cking clue how to actually use Photoshop. Photoshop is a difficult software that requires a ton of time and classes to learn. My degree is in Digital Arts, so I know this sh*t. What I actually mean is, celebs can’t get enough of a crappy app that takes them about 10 minutes to really poorly manipulate or edit their photos. When in doubt guys, hire a pro (hi). My work is seamless. I could be a lizard woman for all you people know (but like, don’t tell).
Celebrities trying to alter their photos is not necessarily anything new, but it is puzzling. Most of them have absolutely awe-inspiring bods to begin with, so I’m v unclear on why they even bother trying to make themselves look thinner/have a bigger butt/etc. Like, maybe just try a better angle? Learn to except yourself the way you are? No? Nothing is perfect enough for them, so they butcher their photos anyway. But then it works out for the rest of us peasants, because we can make fun of how people with all the money and resources in the world can’t hire a graphic designer to make their butts bigger without making it obvious. Here are just some of the worst celebrity Photoshop fails ever (because there are very, very many to choose from).
This one is fairly new. Look, I really feel bad for Khloé, with the sh*tstorm that is her life as of late. I have no doubt she’s feeling super insecure, considering her trash baby daddy tried to hook up with a 21-year-old who was basically her sister. We can agree that Khloé looks great in this photo, except for her giant head and teeny tiny child torso. Khlo, you realize that you’re supposed to have ribs in there, right? It kind of looks like she copied and pasted the head from another photo on this one too? This is just not anatomically possible, and if you have any doubt, look at the doorway. It’s curved where she sucked in her body. Biggest giveaway ever. Khloé, delete the Facetune, or whatever the f*ck app you think is good at editing. You’re gorgeous af, your body is insane, and you do not have to edit. Also, please do not poorly edit. I’m sure you could hire a nerd to do this for you (again, hi).
Kim Kardashian West
Let’s be real, I could write an entire article dedicated to the Kardashian/Jenner Photoshop fails alone, but this one has to be my favorite. Guys. How did I not know that Kim K got in a horribly tragic accident and is now an amputee? Like, thoughts and prayers, everyone. Also, unclear how making herself thinner resulted in the entire removal of her right arm, that’s actually a really impressive f*ck-up. Considering Kim called them out, this seems like it may be a professional’s mistake, in which case, who the f*ck are they hiring?
Uh, hey Beyoncé? You’re kind of an icon of body positivity, so like, can you not? I never understood the thigh gap craze—like, I was extremely thin in high school, to the point of being medically put on weight gainers, and still never had a thigh gap. (That is not a humble brag.) What point does a thigh gap serve? In any case, this gap is completely absurd unless Beyoncé has a giant gaping vagina (not vagina-shaming, just saying). And even in that case, it doesn’t explain the clearly sliced off portion of her thigh. But it does make me feel a bit better that even Beyoncé has days where she feels insecure about her body.
Okay, how much does this big magazine Photoshop editor get paid and yet does not know how many thumbs people have on each hand? Check your work, people. He was so desperate to make the already thicc and beautiful RiRi have pretend abs that he somehow stamped on two thumbs. YIKES. Rihanna has one of the best bodies of all time, how about we just leave her alone?
Ashley Graham is all about being comfortable in your body, yet somehow this did not stop her from chopping off part of her ass like she did this in Microsoft Paint. Like, there is a clear blunt line where it looks like she just… had it removed? I mean honestly, did she do this or did Sports Illustrated do it? Because this is some of the worst Photoshop work ever. Her back is even weirdly blurred, meaning they edited that as well (badly). Ashley Graham is known for being curvy and having an ass; cutting it off should be a crime. Don’t hire a model with curves and then be like, “oh, let’s remove them.” Someone should def be fired for this sh*t, because this wouldn’t pass my Intro to Photoshop 101 class.
In all honesty, celebrities should just stop Photoshopping their photos so much. It sets this unrealistic standard that everyone else without a 24/7 glam squad and personal trainer feels like they need to live up to. But just as importantly, they’re not even good at it. Just stay in your lane, k?
Images: ashleygraham, badgalriri, beyonce, kimkardashian, khloekardashian / Instagram