Human beings contain multitudes. And even though celebrities are much prettier and richer than we can ever dream to be, they’re still human beings. So, celebrities may be vain, photogenic, calculating, and insecure creatures, but they are also so much more than that. They are also quick to throw around their name for personal gain, incredibly stupid, and bad at following rules. Wow, should we stop worshipping these people, or what? *wakes up from blackout* Sorry, I didn’t mean that, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll never stop worshipping you, Keanu! Anyway, because celebrities are so bad at following rules, they tend to get sued a lot. We just saw it happen with Amanda Stanton (I’m obviously using the term “celebrity” very liberally here), and she’s not the only one that’s run outside the bounds of the law—right, Felicity? So, let’s take a look at some of the most ridiculous celebrity lawsuits, because it’s not like you were actually going to do any real work at work today, sorry Karen!
Celebrities Who Were Sued For Using Paparazzi Shots Of Themselves
In addition to all the qualities I enumerated above, celebrities are also hypocrites. They say they don’t want the paparazzi to take their pictures, but *spoiler alert* they often call the paparazzi on themselves. You didn’t think the paps got those close-up photos of a celebrity couple’s romantic Rhode Island beach stroll because they just happened to be hanging out there, did you? Ohhh, you did? That’s so cute. Celebs also like to use those pap photos they’re so against on their own social media, for the times when I guess the 3,000 selfies on their camera roll just won’t suffice. Unfortunately this is actually illegal, because the celebrities don’t own those photos.
Over the past few years, this has gotten Ariana Grande, Khloé Kardashian, and Gigi Hadid into trouble.
Gigi was most recently sued for posting a picture last October that she was eventually forced to take down. She addressed the controversy on, what else, Instagram.
This post was way too long for me to read to the end (when I got to the “poor me, poor me, people take my picture outside my house” stuff I started wanting to take a bleach bath), but I believe the gist of it was that Gigi does not understand why she cannot post a picture of herself that someone else already got paid for. Well, Gigi, let me introduce you to a little thing called THE LAW that perhaps you would have learned about had you not been busy yachting in Cannes instead of attending the 9th grade. Just because you’re in a picture does not mean you own a picture. Copyright law protects photographers, and infringement could cost celebrities up to $150,000 a photo. I guess the moral of the story is that we should all just stick to posting heavily-edited photos our Instagram husbands took of us, mmmkay?
Most people would love to look like a celebrity. For instance, I would sacrifice both of my brothers and my mother’s new puppy to look like Margot Robbie. It turns out for some people that is not the case. Way back in 2006, when Kim’s sex tape was just a twinkle in Kris Jenner’s eye, a man named Allen Ray Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike for $832 million. He sued them for defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because, GET THIS: he is “constantly accused of looking like Michael” and it’s “very uncomfortable.” And how did he get this exorbitant number, you ask? He says, “Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and, ah, then I turn around and, ah, I figure that’s what it all boils down to.”
Heckard eventually dropped the suit because he realized that being mistaken for one of the world’s greatest athletes is just his cross to bear in this life (and also kind of a good thing?). Either that, or someone finally smacked some sense into him.
The Kunis/Kutcher clan is having a rough go this week, but not quite as rough as it was for Mila back in 2015 when she was sued for stealing a chicken. No, you did not just lose your grasp on the English language, yes, that did say she was sued for stealing a chicken. Let me explain.
When Mila was in first grade and living in the Ukraine, she was best friends with a girl named Kristina Karo. Kristina had a chicken named Doggie, because she was clearly a sociopath. One day, according to Kristina, Doggie disappeared and Mila confessed to taking him. Kristina claims this caused her emotional distress and drove her to therapy. Guys, was this the most explosive story to come out of Ukraine until the phone call? I think yes. Anyways, Mila got real famous, made a ton of money, and Kristina decided it was time for Mila to pay the piper. And the price? Five grand. Sorry, Doggie. I guess your life is only worth the price of a pair of sneakers Mila would buy her 2-year-old. Eventually the lawsuit was dropped because Kristina got the publicity she wanted “found it in her heart to forgive,” and decided “only God can judge.”
And finally, we’ll end with Lindsay Lohan, who has been sued multiple times, for multiple bizarre reasons. In 2007, Lindsay was sued for engaging in a “high-speed chase”. According to the suit, Lindsay commandeered another man’s car to chase her former assistant! And then! When she lost her assistant’s car, she decided to chase a different car! She eventually settled the case because this absolutely sounds like something 2007-era Lindsay would do and any judge would obviously convict.
In 2009, Lindsay was sued by Jennifer Sunday, her former business partner, for stealing the formula for Sevin Nyne tanning spray. Jennifer, are we sure we want to take any credit for this blight on humanity? It’s not even spelled correctly! Was that intentional? Or was Lindsay just tutored by a dog on the set of The Parent Trap? Plus, Lindsay’s shade of tan always ranges from Oompa Loompa to “I’m dressed like candy corn for Halloween,” so I think it would be best for anyone to keep their name off that.
^^do not trust her. She is a fugly slut.
And those are some of the most ridiculous celebrity lawsuits! I will keep you all updated on my personal lawsuits, now that I’m sure they’ll be suing me for all the harsh words I have written here today. Fingers crossed they only ask for $5,000!
Images: Shutterstock.com; Giphy (3), gigihadid/Instagram