2021 will go down in history for the celeb couples that came from it. There were rekindled relationships, rumored romances finally confirmed, and pairings that no one ever saw coming. But as we ring in the new year, we are here to tell you the couples that won’t last to see next year’s ball drop.
Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck
What a ride. Bennifer V2 has been fun to watch. Who knew a PR stunt relationship could bring our nation together again? Coming off the heels of her public breakup with A-Rod, J.Lo needed something big to change the narrative. But no one expected what came next.
By reuniting Bennifer, J.Lo yanked A-Rod from the pop culture zeitgeist, cementing herself as the clear winner of the breakup. Ben got to clean up his image, getting back on track as a movie star and hopefully, giving up his role as source material for some of the internet’s favorite memes.
Sometime this year, well timed around a launch for J.Lo, they will amicably go their separate ways having taken what they needed from this rekindled showmance. We all owe them a big thank you, though. They were a bright spot in a tough year.
Kim Kardashian & Pete Davidson
Whether a PR stunt that went on too long or a meet-cute on the set of SNL, Kimmy is half a lawyer now and Pete’s partying ways will drive them apart before the end of Q1. Don’t get us wrong, we love sugar mama Kim. She deserves a little fun. And whether it’s Pete’s BDE or his great personality that kept Kim’s attention, this one lasted far longer than the contract Kris Jenner wrote. But it’s time for Kim to say thank u, next.
Zoë Kravitz & Channing Tatum
When these two started popping up all over New York City, we were surprised, and then delighted by the onslaught of streetwear inspo. We all enjoyed this unexpected duo serving us looks as they were photographed drinking iced coffee about town, but, just like a cute Zara top, this couple won’t last forever.
Zoë’s star continues to rise, while Channing is working on another Magic Mike sequel that no one asked for. Breakups can be hard, but at least we’ll always have those Met Gala photos.
John Mulaney & Olivia Munn
John Mulaney’s love life setting TikTok detectives ablaze this year sounds like a Mulaney bit, but that’s the world we lived in in 2021. Murky timelines and a very unexpected pregnancy later, John Mulaney and Olivia Munn emerged as a full-on couple ready to bring a new baby into this world.
They were on. They were off. They were confusing. Their relationship started in 2021 (we think), brought a baby into this world in 2021, and will be staying in 2021. But a baby is for life, so hopefully they go their separate ways amicably.
Michael B. Jordan & Lori Harvey
When Michael’s not busy being the zaddy of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he is beefing up his already sizable acting portfolio. And within the last year, Lori’s built a career as more than just Steve Harvey’s daughter. We do love to see it. But let’s be real. Two people this pretty cannot mate for life—look at Brad and Angie. We predict they’ll end up blaming their breakup on busy schedules and “being at different stages in life” (which is code for “there’s a 10-year age gap”).
Olivia Wilde & Harry Styles
No pairing has ever shocked the internet more. Who remembers when Ashton and Demi blew our minds with their age gap? Well, Olivia is further proof that if men can do it, women can do it too.
Olivia and Harry didn’t give us much, but we analyzed every grainy video of her dancing at his concerts. Now that Olivia’s ex, Jason Sudeikis, is back on the dating scene post-divorce, we can finally feel good that all’s well that ends well. But watermelons are a seasonal fruit, and this watermelon sugar high will have to have a comedown eventually.
Zendaya and Tom Holland
We know. We know. We don’t want to be the ones to say it. We don’t even want to put this energy into the universe, but someone has to tell the hard truths. Their chemistry is electric. She is the high fashion queen to his short king. And after years of rumors, we finally got some confirmation that this is more than just a friendship. Or is it?
Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but look at the facts: The rumors of them dating started dropping at the exact time buzz for their new Spider-Man movie began. The movie that was positioned to save the box office and bring Americans back to the theater. Wouldn’t these two professionals do anything to be the heroes of the film industry? And how easy would it be for two great friends to share a few chaste kisses and flirt a little bit during press interviews?
Like we said, we hope we’re wrong and this one is for real and forever. But once Spider-Man numbers are in and these two start work on their next A-list project, our spidey senses are telling us this relationship will slowly fade away.
Images: RB/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images; Emma McIntyre/Getty Images; James Devaney/GC Image; JOCE/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
“One of the most hated rom-coms of all time.”
“The movie that should have ended Ben Affleck’s acting career.”
“One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.”
2003 marked the year of Gigli, a movie with no artistic merit but major importance in pop culture history as the tarnished platter on which Bennifer was served to the world. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck met on the set of Gigli and were engaged by the time of its release, despite her being married to Cris Judd at the time of filming. The pair ushered in the first ever celebrity couple blended nickname—Bennifer. Today’s generation identifies their courtship mainly through vintage paparazzi photos and the iconic ass grab from the “Jenny from the Block” music video. The rekindled lovers reunited over the weekend, confirming romance rumors with not-at-all staged yacht photos in which Ben covered his enormous back tattoo with a button-down (as if we’d forget, Ben).
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On the tails of the couple’s Instagram announcement, I’ll celebrate the official coming out of Bennifer 2.0, but I’ll never forgive them for Gigli, the couple’s cursed love child, now 18 years old.
With a Rotten Tomatoes score of 6%, Gigli sits at the top of Yahoo Movies’ worst-rated movies of all time list. One of the greatest flops in cinematic history, the film earned $7 million at the box office against a $76 million budget. After only a few weeks on the big screen, the movie was pulled from most theaters across the country, and its writer and director, Martin Brest, has not worked on another film since.
How did Ben Affleck, having just written the Oscar-winning Good Will Hunting, and J.Lo, once named Forbes’ “Most Powerful Celebrity in the World,” come together to create such pure chaos? How is this movie that bad?
I thought I’d get better use out of my film studies minor than this, but hey, I watched it so you don’t have to.
This is a movie about a mobster named Larry Gigli, which despite being pronounced as “jee-lee,” has already been cemented into your mind as “jiggly.” Larry Gigli is instructed to kidnap a prosecutor’s mentally disabled brother under the close watch of his fellow enforcer-turned-sexy-babysitter, Ricki (J.Lo).
In his groundbreaking, never-before-seen portrayal of “Italian Mobster Who Resents Opinions of Women,” Affleck leads the film, which follows Ricki and Gigli as newfound partners in the New York mob scene. But wait—trouble is ahead for Gigli as he learns that Ricki, with her mini-skirts and blown-out hair, is a lesbian. Don’t fret—the gay agenda is no match for this early 2000s white heartthrob.
The plot details of Gigli are so confusing that not even a Wikipedia page could keep me on track. Somewhere between Christopher Walken’s early monologue as a suspicious detective who never again appears in the movie and the mutilation of a corpse, I got lost. I traced the lines on Ben’s massive back Phoenix and made my way home to the central plot of this god-awful movie.
Tasked with hiding Brian, the prosecutor’s brother, the duo lies low. Flying under the radar like any good mobsters, Gigli and Ricki drive the hostage through every street in Los Angeles in a top-down convertible. Discreet. During an unexplained pit stop at her house, Gigli introduces Ricki to his mother, who takes a liking to her, despite her being a lesbian. “Never mind,” says mom, “She’s been with fellas before, am I right, darling?”
We hard cut to J.Lo doing near-naked candlelit yoga as Gigli looks on, sporting the “I can turn her” game face. The pair begin a classic battle of the sexes debate: Gigli’s “frontier conquering” and “obstacle eradicating” penis versus her vagina, wrapping up their discussion with longing stares as out-of-place romantic music swells in the background. The romance is quickly interrupted by a call from the mob boss instructing Gigli to cut off Brian’s finger, because why not? The mafia does that, right?
CONTENT WARNING: The following section contains discussion of suicide, which may be upsetting to some readers.
The following day, Ricki’s ex-girlfriend shows up at the door of this highly discreet mafia hideout and slits her wrists. Gigli and Co. take her to the hospital, where our leading man removes the finger of a corpse in the morgue to spare Brian’s and we literally never speak of the ex-girlfriend again. After the romance of a violent suicide attempt and the aromas of the morgue, Gigli confesses his love, calling Ricki a “fucking untouchable, unhaveable, unattainable brick wall f*cking dyke-a-saurus rex.”
That’s a direct quote.
Having been swept off her feet via sexual harassment, Ricki opens herself to love and sleeps with Larry Gigli. Now, while everyone involved with the making of this monstrosity should be brought up on criminal charges, the real enemy is the writer who made Jenny from the Block turn the words “it’s turkey time” into dirty talk, having her literally say, “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble” as an invitation for sex. Accused of ruining cinema and the careers of two Hollywood darlings, Gigli has now ruined oral sex.
The duo is called to meet with the mob’s top dog, played by Al Pacino, whose involvement in this movie is such a betrayal it brought a tear to my eye. Pacino kills one of his mafiosos on the spot before turning his attention to Gigli and Ricki, who come within an inch of their life, only to be saved by Ricki’s feminine superpower—basic communication. The pair escape safely and leave the mob life together.
In the end, Ricki breaks it off, vowing to go “somewhere clean”—a line I’m still left wondering about. Ricki and Gigli drive Brian to the beach and, I guess, leave him there? Through tears, Gigli gives Ricki his car and, I guess, walks home?
At a painstaking two-hour runtime, Gigli is a movie about toxic masculinity winning out in the end. By 2003’s standards, a tough guy in a Zara leather shacket is an unstoppable force, and in the end he gets his girl (whether she wants to be there or not). The 2021 version of Gigli would likely end with Ricki stealing the car and—just kidding, there is no 2021 version of this mess. The tear-jerking closing line is as follows: “as far as the lesbian thing goes, if you ever think about hopping the fence, give me a call.” The two share a final kiss and Ricki drives away to the melancholy notes of a violin.
That is, until minutes later when Ricki returns to pick up Gigli and the two drive off into the sunset together.
The end.
Following production of the world’s worst movie, Ben Affleck placed multiple trade ads all over Los Angeles, amounting to thousands of dollars a pop. These ads were often taken out by industry executives to congratulate other industry names on their recent achievements, very insider baseball. Affleck’s ad was a love letter to Jennifer (married at the time), reading, “You have shown kindness, dedication, diligence, humility, graciousness of spirit, beauty in courage, great empathy, astonishing talent, real poise and true grace. It has been nothing but an honor and a pleasure to work with you. I only wish I were lucky enough to be in all your movies. With love, respect and gratitude, Ben Affleck.” Hey @Tinx, what box is this?
By 2004, J.Lo had married Marc Anthony, Ben Affleck had made out with Jennifer Garner at a World Series game, and Gigli had been forgotten.
Too often, we hear stories of star-crossed lovers parting ways after tragedy; some wounds are too deep to recover from. I can’t speak for Bennifer, but as a pop-culture enthusiast, I can never go back to a time before Gigli. Following the big-screen flop, Gigli’s ghost haunted late-night monologues and SNL sketches but was laid to rest following the breakup of Hollywood’s It Couple. The impact of this truly awful piece of cinema underscores every Bennifer headline or Deux Moi blind item. For their performances in Gigli, Jen and Ben won Razzie Awards for worst actor, actress, and on-screen couple of the year, but something tells me the combined $24 million paycheck helped the couple sleep at night.
Somewhere in the French Riviera aboard multi-million-dollar yachts, with her newsworthy six-pack and his rainbow body art (third reference in the can), Bennifer is locking eyes and thinking, “it’s turkey time.” While somewhere in Los Angeles, A-Rod is weeping.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Images: jlo / Instagram; Featureflash Photo Agency
Another day, another indication that 2020 might really be the year that civilization comes crumbling down. This time, I’m not referring to frightening coronavirus statistics or the slump in the economy, but rather the news that Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are apparently back together. Questions about a possible reconciliation have been lingering for a while, considering that Tristan has basically been quarantining with Khloé and their daughter True for most of the pandemic, and it looks like those fears questions have finally been confirmed.
Khloé and Tristan officially called it quits in early 2019, in the fallout of Jordyn Woods-gate. We may never truly know what happened between Jordyn and Tristan that night, but regardless, it was some shady sh*t that Khloé was not down with. Over the last year, she and Tristan worked on their coparenting relationship, and on the most recent season of KUWTK, Khloé struggled with her feelings about spending more time around Tristan again. Well, apparently a global pandemic makes the heart grow fonder, and according to an Us Weekly source, these two are officially back on.
The source says Khloé is “hopeful that Tristan has changed for good and will continue to grow and be the great and loyal partner that he has been throughout their time together during the quarantine.” You know, I really hope that works out for her, I do. Does that seem realistic? Who knows, maybe! 2020 is the year to expect the unexpected, so maybe Tristan really can change his ways.
The source continues, “The fact that Tristan hasn’t been working or been able to hang out with his friends and other athletes who have previously been a negative influence on him like he used to has been great for their relationship.” Aaaaand that’s what I was worried about. Tristan scored some extra time at home due to his sh*tty Cleveland Cavaliers team not making the NBA Playoffs Bubble, but what happens when next season starts? Even though people are still finding ways to cheat during the pandemic, I don’t think Tristan deserves a medal for not screwing around on Khloé for a few months.
Due to Tristan playing for Cleveland, he and Khloé have been forced to deal with long distance for most of their time together, and it’s no secret that Tristan would into trouble when Khloé wasn’t around. Who could forget the time when a video of him with another woman went viral just DAYS before Khloé gave birth to his daughter? I, for one, will never be over it. Combine that with the Jordyn incident, and other transgressions that we probably don’t know about, and he doesn’t have the best track record.
Of course, past behavior is not always predictive of future outcomes, and Khloé is an adult who can do whatever she wants. Plus, according to another source, she has her own motives for reconciling with Tristan: “Khloé would love to give daughter True a sibling because she is at the perfect age.” That actually makes a ton of sense, considering that it’s pretty much exactly what Kourtney did with Scott. A few months ago, Khloé shot down rumors that she was pregnant again, but a lot can happen in three months of 2020. If Khloé really just wants another baby out of this, then she should make that happen, but I just want the best for her, which includes not getting played again.
Images: Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for Remy Martin
There’s no doubt that 2020 is a weird year for dating. Normally, most of us would be in the middle of some kind of summer fling, but my personal life is currently drier than… *tumbleweed rolls through my apartment*. But plenty of celebs have figured out how to date in the middle of the pandemic, so at least we can live vicariously through their relationships, right? Right?? I’m not sad at all.
The last time we checked in on quarantining couples was back in March, and it’s safe to say there have been some developments since then. In the past few months, we’ve seen lots of breakups, new couples, pregnancy announcements, and even engagements and weddings. Today, we’re focusing on couples who got together either during quarantine or right before, and honestly, it’s impressive how many celebs have found love amid an ongoing global pandemic.
Demi Lovato & Max Ehrich
I don’t really have a concept of time anymore, but I know this pandemic has been going on for a while because one of our favorite quarantine couples is ENGAGED! It was first reported that Demi and Max were together at the end of March, in the early days of quarantine. At first, they kept things pretty quiet, but we got confirmation of the relationship when Demi accidentally walked in on Max’s Instagram Live. God, that feels like it was three years ago.
Since then, they’ve been a lot less shy about their relationship, and it seemed like things were getting serious. Turns out things are really serious, because today they graced our feeds with some gorgeous beach engagement photos. They both posted really sweet captions, with Demi saying she’s “ecstatic to start a family and life with” Max. But mostly I’m just focused on that RING. Ladies, if your partner is dragging his feet and saying he can’t propose during a pandemic, just send him these pics.
Megan Fox & Machine Gun Kelly
Megan Fox is living proof that you can make it through divorce and even find love again on the other side. It probably helps that she’s like, extremely hot, but whatever. Shortly after splitting from Brian Austin Green this spring, she was spotted hanging out with Machine Gun Kelly, and she appeared in one of his music videos around the same time.
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donuts are hot. 🍩🔥 let’s get 10 million views on Bloody Valentine video before the weekend’s over 💝
They’re still extremely together, and are currently in Puerto Rico, where they’re working on a movie with none other than Randall “Fofty Please” Emmett. Lala Kent is there too, and Megan and Mr. Machine Gun (do I call him Colson?) went on the latest episode of their podcast. Megan said that when they met on the set of the movie pre-pandemic, “I knew right away that he was what I call a twin flame.” They hit it off right away, and with Colson (I’m going with it) calling Megan his “future wife”, an engagement might be in their near future too.
Lil Wayne & Denise Bidot
One of our favorite rappers, and one of our favorite Diet Starts Tomorrow alums? Obviously a match made in heaven. Denise Bidot’s modeling career has been exploding lately, and her personal life seems pretty great too. Last month, Denise shocked everyone when she posted some adorable photos with Lil Wayne on her Instagram story, saying “in the middle of all the madness, something special happened. Us.” Ugh, this is so f*cking cute. The next week, Wayne posted a pic of Denise in the pool, and she’s the only person he’s following on Instagram, which is a f*cking power move.
Chase Stokes & Madelyn Cline
Honestly, if you star in a Netflix show for teens and don’t date your costar, that’s just a bad career move. Outer Banks stars Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline went public with their relationship last month, two months after the premiere of their show. Since then, they’ve posted lots of pics of each other, and things seem to be going well. Speaking to Us Weekly this week, Chase said that quarantine was an “immediate test” of their relationship, but that “we’ve got great communication.” He added that it’s helpful to be “friends before you dive into a relationship.” These two might be in it for the long haul, or at least until season 2 comes out.
Ben Affleck & Ana de Armas
These two finished filming a movie together shortly before sh*t got real with coronavirus, but they’ve done their best work as a couple in the last few months. Early in quarantine, their daily walks were basically the only thing keeping the paparazzi industry afloat, and full articles were written about Ben’s Dunkin’ coffee order. Ana met Ben’s kids, and at one point, they trolled the paparazzi by putting a cardboard cutout of Ana in his front yard (yes, that actually happened).
In loving memory of the 450 Dunkin’ stores that will permanently close by the end of the year… pic.twitter.com/sOOw0HKpbJ
— Ana de Armas Updates (@ArmasUpdates) July 7, 2020
My personal favorite angle here is the iconic Ana de Armas Updates Twitter account. The account has long been dedicated to documenting Ana’s career, which is undeniably on the rise. But early in the pandemic, they switched to BenAna coverage, and after they lightly trolled the couple for not wearing masks, Ana BLOCKED THE ACCOUNT. The account is actually hilarious, and they continue to pump out great content despite their blocked status. Really, this saga is the only thing that’s been getting me through 2020. In recent weeks, Ben and Ana haven’t been photographed in public, but they’re definitely still together. I guess daily pap walks got old after a few months.
While all these couples basically seem to be killing it during quarantimes, it’ll be interesting to see what happens once things are back to normal. But honestly, that probably won’t be happening any time in 2020, so it doesn’t even matter at this point. Cheers to not being alone! *cries into iced coffee*
Images: BG004/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images; ddlovato, machinegunkelly, denisebidot, hichasestokes / Instagram; armasupdates / Twitter
For the six of you who are somehow still watching Riverdale, I’m so sorry. As we all know, we’re in a major period of celebrity breakups, and another couple has bitten the dust. Over the weekend, it was reported that Lili Reinhart and Cole Sprouse have broken up after three years of dating, and it seems like it might be real this time. I don’t know if there’s anyone who’s actually surprised about this, but I guess it’s still a big deal.
On Monday, People and Page Six both reported that sources confirmed that Cole and Lili are no longer together. According to the Page Six source, they “split before the pandemic hit, and have been quarantining separately.” The source added that “they remain good friends,” because god forbid two celebs hate each other like normal exes. If this timeline is accurate, then I’ve got a long list of follow-up questions.
The biggest indicator of this split came last week, when Riverdale actor Skeet Ulrich slipped up on an Instagram Live. When asked by a viewer if he thinks Cole and Lili are a cute couple, he responded “I think they were a cute couple.” Lmao, WERE. His girlfriend, Megan Blake Irwin, chimed in, agreeing that they *were* a cute couple, and added that “they’re both beautiful people.” I love mess. How many angry texts do you think Cole and Lili sent Skeet after this? My guess is more than three, less than 12. How bizarre that in 2020, half of our celeb news comes from people saying things they weren’t supposed to say on Instagram Live. Mason Disick was ahead of his time.
As we all know, this is not the first time that Cole and Lili have been on the receiving end of breakup rumors. Last summer, it seemed like they allegedly (maybe?) broke up, but then they clapped back with that bizarre magazine cover and some smug Instagram captions. We never found out if they actually split up during that time, which is exactly how they wanted it.
But the current breakup apparently happened a couple months ago, which would explain last month’s rumors that Cole was hanging out with/dating/hooking up with Kaia Gerber. Of course, this led to a lot of speculation about the status of his relationship with Lili, but no one actually knew anything for sure. He seemed to respond to those rumors in an Instagram story, referencing “rumors and slander” and saying that “while I truly never intended to indulge any part of my private life to the ravenous horde, it’s clear my restraint in updating them has allowed them to push their own agenda onto my habits and lifestyle.” He also told everyone to “eat my delectable plump ass,” because of course he did.
I get that being an asshole on social media is kind of Cole Sprouse’s thing, but this couple has always rubbed me the wrong way. Cole and Lili have always been one of those couples who seem to want it both ways. Like, they star on a hit show together, and have done joint red carpets and magazine covers, but they always seem weirdly caught off-guard when their millions of fans are curious about their relationship. Of course, everyone is entitled to privacy, but Cole Sprouse has been at this a little too long to act surprised at people prying into his personal life.
I certainly wouldn’t expect any kind of confirmation from Cole and Lili on this one, but these sources feel pretty realistic to me. We always knew that this quarantine period was going to lead to a lot of shifts in celebrity couples, and now we can just add Bughead to the list of quarantine breakups. That being said, it wouldn’t shock me if they’re suddenly back together next time they have to do Riverdale press. The network heart wants what it wants!
Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
As the coronavirus has spread, and we’ve all been forced into various forms of quarantine, this spring has been a stressful time for everyone. For some of us, it means we’ve spent way too much time alone (hi), but for those in relationships, it’s been an intense few months of ~quality time~ together. I’m sure this has brought some couples closer together, but not every relationship is meant to survive, and quarantine szn has turned into breakup szn.
Several high-profile celebrity couples have called it quits since mid-March, when things really got real with Miss Rona, and the details are fascinating. From out-of-nowhere divorces to couples that seemed like a ticking time bomb, here are all the celeb couples that have broken up during quarantine.
Mary-Kate Olsen & Olivier Sarkozy
I won’t pretend to be sad about this relationship ending, because it always felt a little weird. But I was surprised by last week’s sudden revelation that Mary-Kate wants a divorce. I say “wants” because for the time being, the New York courts aren’t accepting new divorce filings, and her request for an emergency divorce was denied. According to new sources, one of the major issues in their marriage was that Mary-Kate wants to have kids, and Olivier isn’t interested in having any more. Now, he’s trying to terminate the lease on their main apartment together, and it seems like things will probably be ugly between these two for a while.
Kristin Cavallari & Jay Cutler
Am I the only one who feels like this happened six years ago already? As we all know by now, Kristin and Jay announced their decision to divorce last month, and they’ve already settled their disputes surrounding custody of their children, and whether Kristin is allowed to buy a gigantic house (answer key: joint custody, and yes). With allegations of misconduct, this seemed like it would be dramatic at the jump, but things seem to have worked out okay for now.
Surprisingly, Kristin announced this week that after three seasons, she won’t be continuing with her reality show Very Cavallari. Honestly, the show is okay at best, so this isn’t a great loss, but I wasn’t expecting it. If anything, I thought Kristin would use the show, which has previously focused a lot on her home life with Jay, as a way to launch her new chapter as a single woman. But it’s important to note that this decision would potentially clear a path for Kristin to return to The Hills in the future. Much to consider!
Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green
It’s been a long road for these two, but it seems that they may finally be done for good. They started dating way back in 2004 (when she was just 18), and eventually got married in 2010. After having two kids, Megan filed for divorce in 2015, but they got back together and had a third child the following year. Fast forward to 2020, and they’re officially separated again. After Megan was seen hanging out with Machine Gun Kelly and Brian posted the bizarre butterfly Instagram above, he confirmed their separation on his podcast. Thankfully, he said he and Megan are on good terms, and will still go on trips and spend time together with their kids. I’m glad they’re in a good place for co-parenting, but it looks like it’s finally the end of the line for their relationship.
Cara Delevingne & Ashley Benson
Out of all the breakups on this list, this one hit hardest. Earlier this month, reports surfaced that Cara and Ashley had split after roughly two years of dating. It seemed like they went through a lot together—they even bought a sex bench! While neither of them gave any details, things seemed pretty final when Ashley was recently spotted kissing G-Eazy. Sad, but I would kiss G-Eazy too. In her first public comment on the whole situation, Cara posted an Instagram story asking people to stop coming for Ashley, and saying that only the two of them know the truth. Ashley reshared the story, so whatever happened here, at least it seems like they don’t hate each other.
Stacey Dash & Jeffrey Marty
I loved Stacey Dash in Clueless, but times have changed. These days, she’s mostly known for her questionable political views and messy personal life, and she announced last month that her fourth marriage was coming to an end. Dash and Jeffrey Marty got married in April 2018, just TEN DAYS after meeting for the first time. I’m sorry, but nothing good has ever come of getting married that quickly. Their relationship has been rocky, and last year, Stacey called the cops, alleging Jeffrey tried to choke her. But when they showed, Stacey ended up getting arrested for assaulting Jeffrey. The charges were ultimately dropped, but it seems like these two might be better off apart.
Considering that LA’s stay home order has already been extended through July, I’m sure that there will be some more Hollywood quarantine breakups in the weeks and months to come. We already have some ideas about which couples might not make it, but you never know who will be next. For a second, I was even scared that Bella Thorne and her Italian pop star boyfriend had broken up after she tweeted about being done with dating, but he’s back to commenting “would smash” on her Instagrams, so I think we’re good. It was a close call, and in times like this, these breakups can come out of nowhere.
Images: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com; kristicncavallari, arent_you_that_guy, ashleybenson, staceydash / Instagram
Raise your hand if you’re ready to kill your quarantine partner! As my mother reads this over my shoulder and slowly raises her hand next to me, I assume many of you are experiencing the same thing. It’s hard being locked in the house for months with no end in sight. But you know who it is especially hard for? Essential workers. Kidding! Celebrities. It’s hard for celebrities. Because they’re not used to spending endless amounts of time with their spouse in a 15,000 square foot house close quarters without assistants, nannies, and other peasants as a buffer. And the cracks are showing. In the last few weeks, we’ve already had divorce and breakup announcements from Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler, Mary-Kate Olsen and That Old French Dude, Ashley Benson and Cara Delevigne, and Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green. And I don’t think we’ve seen the end of it yet *cue evil laugh*. So which couples do I predict will also fall victim to the quarantine curse? Read on for the questionable evidence!
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom
I know, I know, they’re having a baby, I’m so mean. And while, yes, quarantine has definitely made me meaner (turns out it was possible!) hear me out. Even before these two announced that a little baby was Blooming (turns out I’m hackier in quarantine, too!) they had their issues. Katy and Orlando broke up in 2017, saying they were taking “respectful, loving space”. Ick. They’re totally the kind of people that say “make love”, aren’t they? Then they got back together, got engaged, and then there were rumblings that they postponed their wedding. And even after they revealed Katy was pregnant, Katy herself told Ryan Seacrest that they tend to fight a lot!
Now, they’re having problems in lockdown. The article claims that Orlando is having trouble controlling his partying, doesn’t like being tied down, and keeps reminiscing about the old days. Orlando. You are 43. Your knees crack everytime you walk down some stairs. If ever there was a time to get tied down, it’s now! And also, where are you partying in this pandemic?
I’ve always felt like these two were on rocky ground, and the fact that Orlando reportedly doesn’t want to settle down pretty much convinces me they’re going to break up. But to be honest, the fact that he’s friends with Leonardo DiCaprio really should have been a red flag that smacked Katy across the face from the start. I’m sorry to say that these two are probably going to announce they’re over soon, but if it’s any consolation, Katy, I thought “Daisies” was a great song.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
It’s no secret I’ve never believed these two were a real couple. Much like Kim’s face, entire body, and personality, I’ve always maintained this relationship was engineered in a lab for maximum attention. And boy, has it worked. But for the purposes of this article, fine, I’ll bite. Kim and Kanye have been together since 2012 and have four kids together, even though I’m pretty sure everybody forgets about Psalm, right? Kimye have had their ups and downs, but now that they’re quarantined together they are arguing a lot. According to US Weekly, Kanye doesn’t help with the kids and is busy “creating”. I’m sure we’ll be blessed with a new $250 pair of spandex bike shorts with holes on the butt cheeks any day now! Now sources are saying Kim wants her space, and is trying to keep her family together for her kids’ sake. This is definitely all true information not fed through a fake source, and I feel really bad for her!
So will they break up? Lol, no. They just don’t want us to forget they exist while we’re all binge watching season two of Dead to Me. Fine, Kim. Here I am, paying attention. Are you happy now?
Julianne Hough and Brooks Laich
I really don’t care about these two, but for some reason the limit does not exist on stories about their rocky relationship. I’m serious. Over the past six months, there have probably been 50 articles about their sex life, their fights, if they’re together, if they’re not together, and MY GOD just give me your diary already Julianne, so I can read it aloud and be done with it. And now, they are reportedly “fighting for their relationship.” Because apparently COVID-19 wasn’t torment enough on its own, we also must be punished with even more say-nothing stories about two D-listers’ relationship. And that’s how I know the world is ending.
Anyway, Julianne and Brooks are not even in quarantine together even though they have “so much love” for one another. Girl, if you can’t even stand to be in the same STATE as him during a global pandemic, and haven’t posted a pic of him on IG in nearly a year, then I think it’s time to call it. No need to shove more stories down my throat fight for the relationship. Once lockdown is over and these two can muster up the strength to briefly put aside the obvious disgust they feel for one another so they can break up in person, it’s over.
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard
This one hurts. I love Kristen Bell. I watched Veronica Mars back when it was on UPN, so you know I’m loyal. And Dax is one of the Bravermans! I all-around love this couple, and I don’t even say that about my own parents. So when I read that Kristen told Katie Couric that she and Dax are “at each other’s throats” and “find each other revolting,” I was devastated. Devastated, but also impressed by how clearly Kristen understands my feelings about every man after they express any interest in me. It really is revolting. But that’s why I’m not married!
While I appreciate the fact that Kristen and Dax are being honest with us, I don’t like that it gives me tummy problems. Don’t we have enough to worry about right now? I’m praying that they keep it together long enough for us to get sprung from the bad place so they can each take a nice, individual spa weekend and regroup.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
Okay, so I have no evidence that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are going to break up. But I had to pick one wild card. I mean, I don’t think anyone had any idea Mary-Kate and That Old French Dude were going to break up, and then BOOM! Papers filed! And if anyone is able to keep their sh*t on lock as well as the Olsen twins, it’s the (former) royals. They would totally do a surprise divorce announcement, so I’m shooting my shot on this one. Plus, I’m giddy just thinking about all the gossip that would come out of it. And even though I don’t actually have any hard evidence, as I said to the judge when I was disputing my speeding ticket, this isn’t a real court so that doesn’t matter.
And that’s not to say it’s not possible. Think about it. Harry and Meghan moved to LA at the very beginning of quarantine. Moving to a new city is hard enough even when you’re not in the middle of a pandemic. And now he can’t even get the goat cheese balls at SUR! How depressing. Plus, there’s the added pressure of a toddler, and the fact that his family is sh*t talking him to all the tabloids in London, and I bet he has to drink a lot of kale smoothies now. Will this all result in a blowout fight that will break up our ginger prince and his American princess? I hope so, if only for the bragging rights.
Those are the celebrity couples that I think are going to bite the dust! I hope that you all are handling quarantine better than they are, and if you don’t hear from me again, my mother most definitely fed me to her dog.
Images: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; katyperry, kristenanniebell, kimkardashian, juleshough, meghanmarkle_official/Instagram
Okay, on the count of three, say it with me. One, two, three… NOOOOOOOOOOO. We always knew that this extended quarantine period would lead to some celebrity couple breakups, but now they’ve begun, and I’m officially not okay. On Wednesday, E! News reported that Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson have called it quits, and I simply can’t. I could deal with Kristin Cavallari’s divorce, and Aaron Carter’s mess of a relationship, but these two? I really thought they were in it for the long haul.
So far, we’re light on details surrounding Cara and Ashley’s reported split, but E! says that “Cara is enjoying being single and spending time with great friends in quarantine.” From the sound of that, they may have been split up for a while now, but we don’t really know. While Cara and Ashley have been public about their relationship for nearly a year, they’ve never been the kind of couple that constantly posts together. It seems pretty clear that they were together at the beginning of quarantine, but who knows when things went south.
As for which friends Cara is hanging out with right now, that’s also unclear. Early in quarantine, when this still kind of felt like a fun break from real life, Ashley and Cara were hanging out with a famous group including Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber, and Tommy Dorfman. They were posting on Instagram, painting each other’s nails, and making TikToks together, but that group dissipated after a few weeks. Whether Cara is still seeing this same group, or she’s around other friends, there’s definitely some sketchy social distancing going on.
Regardless of the details of their reported split, it’s been a good run for Ashley Benson and Cara Delevingne. They were first linked publicly nearly two years ago, and were seen hanging out and traveling together throughout the summer of 2018. They kept things casual for their first year together, but they went public last June, in support of the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. At that time, Cara told E! that it was approximately their one-year anniversary, so it just felt like the right time. I’m not crying, you’re crying. Since then, they’ve been one of our favorite celeb couples, which is why their split would be such a surprise.
Remember this? I don’t want this to be over!
So for now, we’ll wait for some kind of confirmation about this breakup, but with this kind of thing, where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire. 2020 is officially the year of not having nice things, and it’s not getting any better. I don’t know how many more celeb breakups we can handle, but I have a feeling this won’t be the last one we hear about by the time quarantine is over.
Images: ashleybenson / Instagram; Tinseltown, lev radin / Shutterstock.com
