Raise your hand if you’re a messy b*tch who thrives on drama and other people’s misfortunes. If you didn’t raise both of your hands and feet, then you might want to get out now because this post is for gossip mongers only. You’ve been warned. Now that that’s been handled, welcome, bottom feeders, to the book round-up you never knew you wanted! Celebrities are literally always trying to sell a memoir about their innermost secrets and are constantly disappointing me and the register girl at Barnes & Noble when she sees me coming to return a book five days after purchase. Most times, these so-called “tell-alls” are just a way to revive a career, promote a new season of their show, or just generally cling to their relevance for another five seconds. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m not shelling out $27 for a hardcover version of information I could’ve tracked down through a semi-intense dive into their social media. So, for those of you craving the real tea and gossip that’s juicier than whatever your Aunt Linda is about to spill at the Thanksgiving dinner table, these are the celebrity memoirs for you.
Inside Out by Demi Moore
We’ve talked about this one before but, y’all, Demi Moore’s new memoir is actually bonkers. Not only does she finally open up about her marriage to Ashton Kutcher (#tbt) and the wild threesomes they used to have to try (in vain) to save their marriage, but she also talks about her meteoric rise to fame and struggles with addiction. She doesn’t just come for her ex Ashton Kutcher, either (though that in itself is messy as hell and way worth the read). She comes for ALL of Hollywood: she dishes on her other ex-husband Bruce Willis and one-time flame Rob Lowe. She even speaks to that one time Jon Cryer publicly declared she took his virginity, claiming he’d been with other women before and that he was just “bad at sex.” HE WAS JUST BAD AT SEX. I’m dead. Deceased. This isn’t just a book, it’s a Hollywood hit list and a petty work of art. Basically, a must-read. We bow down to you, Demi.
My Friend Anna by Rachel DeLoache Williams
In another article I wrote for this site, I made a bold statement when I compared those who are actively not following the Anna Delvey story to mole people, and I still stand by that statement. When news broke about Anna Delvey, the fake German heiress who somehow managed to con $200K out of Manhattan’s elite party scene, I was completely captivated. How did she get away with this? And do any of her friends understand how Venmo works? These were the questions that kept me up at night. My Friend Anna focuses on those friends, the people she scammed, and how she got away with it—one friend in particular, who arguably got hit the worst by Anna’s cons. Written by her former friend Rachel Williams, whom Anna personally scammed out of $62,000 during one lavish vacation, this book reads like a twisty thriller about a sociopath, except everything actually happened IRL. For those looking to familiarize yourself with the story before Shonda Rhimes’ new Anna Delvey Netflix series drops, then I URGE you to pick up this book. Rachel answers probably every single question you’ve ever had about Anna.
Coreyography by Corey Feldman
For those of you who are like “who tf is Corey Feldman” just know that I’m marking you for the youth you so clearly are, and I hope you can feel my shame through this screen. Corey Feldman was one of my FAVORITE child stars and starred in cult classics such as The Goonies and Stand By Me. He was the height of ‘80s fame and also a childhood crush of mine. I still secretly harbor ill wishes towards that trollop Stef for getting to make out with him during The Goonies. I will say, post-child star fame, Corey has not fared well. He’s battled with drug addiction and, to my knowledge, has not landed an acting role since we entered the 21st century. His memoir, Coreyography (great title tbh), sheds light on this. In his book he talks about the dark underbelly of Hollywood for child stars: from getting hooked on drugs at a young age to the rampant sexual abuse he experienced during his time in the lime light and his “innocent” friendship with the late Michael Jackson. This book can be pretty heavy and, at times, even triggering, but it’s definitely worth the read.
It’s Not Okay by Andi Dorfman
This one is for all you Bachelor Nation fans out there. Andi Dorfman, ex-Bachelorette and Mike Fliess’s worst nightmare, wrote a tell-all back in 2016 about her time as The Bachelorette. Not only did she give us an inside look at what actually happens during the fantasy suite dates, but she wasn’t afraid to talk sh*t about her exes Nick Viall and Josh Murray. You love to see it. It is the ultimate burn book for all things Bachelor and Nick Viall, which should be reason enough to pick this one up.
Darkness to Light by Lamar Odom
I, personally, have been waiting for Jordyn Woods to set her NDA on fire and break the internet by releasing her own tell-all about the Kardashians, but until then I’ll settle for Lamar Odom’s memoir. Former NBA player and ex-husband to Khloé Kardashian, Odom spilled all the tea when his memoir came out at the beginning of the summer. Tbh I feel like the Khloé Kardashian drama is the least exciting of all the bombshells he dropped in this book. Like, for example, did you know that he used a FAKE PENIS to pass a drug test before the Olympics? HOW?? Or that he was a host to multiple orgies when he lived in Miami? For people who Keep Up, or those who just really want a wild read, then you need to binge this one ASAP.
A Song For You: My Life With Whitney Houston by Robyn Crawford
This book was just released this week, and it’s already everywhere. The author, Robyn Crawford, is the late Whitney Houston’s longtime best friend, and in her memoir she comes clean about the romantic rumors that swirled for a long time regarding her friendship with Houston. Crawford confirms that her and Houston did have a romantic and sexual relationship in the early 1980s, but called things off when Houston started to get famous because Houston said it would “make our journey even more difficult.” It’s been rumored for a while that Houston was bisexual (her ex-husband Bobby Brown made a comment about it in 2016), but nothing has been confirmed, as Houston passed away in 2012. Whitney Houston is an absolute legend and this book shines a light on aspects of her life that have never been released to the public.
Open by Andre Agassi
Even if you’re not a big tennis fan, or your idea of being “sporty” consists of going to a bar on Sunday in your ex-boyfriend’s stolen jersey, you’ll still love Andre Agassi’s memoir if you’re a fan of juicy gossip. Agassi, who was known early in his career for his giant hair, admitted that he actually wore a wig on the tennis court once his hair started to thin. Impossible beauty standards at it again!! Honestly, he looks better with a shaved head anyway. Over in the personal life department, we also get an inside look at his failed marriage to Brooke Shields. He comes clean about testing positive for meth (yikes) in 1997, and basically says he did drugs because he was scared to marry Brooke (double yikes). He also admits that he blamed his assistant to avoid the consequences of said positive drug test. Weird, this reads a lot like my last boyfriend’s explanations for why we broke up.
Ladies Who Punch by Ramin Setoodeh
I haven’t watched The View in years, mostly because I’m not a middle-aged housewife, but I still couldn’t put this book down. Journalist Ramin Setoodeh somehow managed to interview basically everyone involved with the show in its 20-year history, and the behind-the-scenes drama is messier than your Sunday brunch that turns into “one more drink” at a bar nearby. This book has the tea on how basically everyone who has ever left the show was fired, even though they acted like leaving was their choice. You’ll read about how Star Jones used the show to get her entire wedding free, and of course, all the drama with Rosie O’Donnell. But for me, the craziest thing was that Barbara Walters basically had to be pushed out when she retired, and the producers had to forcibly stop her from extending her contract. What a way to go.
Images: Amazon (8)
Betches may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link and purchase a product or service. The links are independently placed and do not influence editorial content.
If you know anything about us here at Betches, it’s that there’s nothing in this world we love more than watching the social experiment that is Bella Thorne’s Instagram presence. And there has been a lot to keep up with over the past year. First, we learned that Bella is not just the musical genius behind the instant classic “B*tch I’m Bella Thorne,” but also a budding business mogul, when she dropped her new makeup and lingerie lines, Thorn by Bella and Filthy Fangs, respectively. Then she educated the masses on wtf a throuple is by announcing that in addition to dating the human equivalent of a dirty sock, Mod Sun, she was also dating Tana Mongeau, a girl who is most famous for propositioning Miley Cyrus via
a cry for help Twitter. Well, in addition to singer, songwriter, actress, throuple advocate, and business mogul, don’t forget that Bella Thorne is a best-selling author!
That’s right, the girl who brought us the lyrics “been inside the club since I was hella short (hella short)” and “pussy scuba diving, need a surfboard” is getting paid actual money to write a full-blown book. Bella Thorne’s book is called The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray. Just writing the words “Bella Thorne” and “published author” in the same sentence is giving me stress eczema, but it’s not even her first book! Back in 2014-2016, Bella actually published a YA trilogy, which I just ordered on Amazon. That said, this new book is a whole different thing, and I’m sure you have a lot of questions about it, like “why” and “how” and “what did I do to deserve this.” Well lucky for you betches, I did
a very minimal internet search some digging and can now answer all of your burning questions. So here’s everything we know about Bella Thorne’s new book thus far:
Apparently It’s Already A Bestseller
View this post on Instagram
My book is NUMBER ONE best seller OVER NIGHT u guys made me number one ❤️BOOK IS ONLY 15 dollars right now. I’m so happy, all the loss and pain I went through/going through hopefully reading this helps u not feel so alone. I wouldn’t let an editor touch my mistakes, I wouldn’t let everyone pull me down or even if they did pull me down some how I always find a way to get back up and YOU DO THAT for me. YOU GUYS MAKE ME HAPPY. So let me help u with some of those darker places ❤️?? #thelifeofawannabemogul
Last week, Bella started promoting her book on Instagram via a series of posts in which I literally thought she was promoting scribbles on the back of random receipts. Apparently I was mistaken and that’s just her book’s aesthetic. My apologies! When I found out she was actually promoting her book, I was alarmed for a number of reasons. For one, in the caption she claims the book is a “#1 bestseller overnight” despite that fact that the book hasn’t even been released yet. As a person who used to work at one of the largest book publishing houses in the world, I can definitively say
oh, sweetie no this is not how bestsellers work. In order for a book to be a bestseller it has to first be released and then sell over 9,000 copies in its first week. Since the book doesn’t even hit shelves until July 9th, I can only assume that by “#1 bestseller” she’s referring to the book having good pre-orders, which, while good, is not at all the same thing.
The Preorder Will Include Photos
View this post on Instagram
I have collected so many special memories over the years with my Polaroid obsession. I thought it’d be cute to send u one. When you order my book right now, you’ll get one of those special little memories to keep <3 #thelifeofawannabemogul for everyone asking the song is DO NOT DISTURB by me and @steveaoki
Speaking of the preorders, if you order Bella Thorne’s book in advance, she will send you personal polaroids of her from her everyday life. Considering that her Instagram feed reads like soft-core porn, I can only imagine the “behind the scenes” images from her life she’s going to give to her most loyal fans. I would put money on it that they involve some drug paraphernalia and cleavage. I mean, look at the above video and then tell me I’m wrong.
Bella Thorne’s Book Is A Collection Of Memoir Poetry
According to Amazon, The Life of a Wannabe Mogul: Mental Disarray is a “collection of illuminating and inspiring poems that chronicles her personal struggles, relationships, and wild-child lifestyle, all with her trademark wit and wisdom.” Lol. First of all, Bella Thorne is known for many things, and I’ll even give her wit, but wisdom?? Are we sure? Secondly, did she intend for the title of this book to be a random string of words that actually makes zero sense? It’s like she Googled “impressive words” and used the first five that applied to create a sentence.
In addition to Bella’s poetry, the book will also feature
crude drawings innovative art throughout. Bella’s teased a few of these already on Instagram, including a picture of poorly drawn dice, a clock, and black scribbles. You’ll notice Bella’s drawings are also featured on the cover of the book, which resembles the background image I chose for my MySpace page after my mother refused to drive me to Barnes & Noble so I could get the latest book in the Princess Diaries series. And also the lyric video for “Look What You Made Me Do.”
So there you have it, that’s everything we know about Bella Thorne’s book. All jokes aside, Bella has been very open about her struggles with mental health and the media, which is what we need from celebrities right now. It looks like this book is going to get personal about that journey. which I imagine will be helpful to people who share or identify with those struggles. Maybe this is where that trademark wisdom will come in? Not going to lie, I might pre-order it, or at least convince a friend to let me borrow it.
The Life of a Wannabe Mogul releases on July 9th, so go ahead and mark your calendars, Betches.
Images: @bellathorne /Instagram (3)
The cast of Vanderpump Rules might not be the smartest people on TV, but now we have definitive proof that at least one of them knows how to read. That’s right, Stassi Schroeder wrote a book, and it’s coming out in April. Stassi Schroeder’s book is called Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook, and it should be an interesting read. Personally, I’m not sure I understand Stassi claiming the whole “basic” thing, because Scheana is obviously way more basic than Stassi, but whatever, it’s her book.
In the Amazon description, we get a nice little preview of what to expect from Ms. Schroeder’s literary debut:
In Next Level Basic, the reality star, podcast queen, and ranch dressing expert gives you hilarious and pointed lessons on how to have fun and celebrate yourself, with exclusive stories from her own life and on the set of Vanderpump Rules. From her very public breakups to her most intimate details about her plastic surgery, Stassi shares her own personal experiences with her trademark honesty—all with the hope you can learn something from them.
Okay, so I’m imagining this will be, like, half a glorified picture book with little blurbs about being basic, and half stories about her actual life. I’m way more interested in the latter, because I’m going to need a lot of behind-the-scenes gossip about Jax, crazy Kristen, and the whole SUR gang. If there’s not good tea, I don’t want it.
Importantly, I feel like this book deal solidifies Stassi’s status as the most famous Vanderpump Rules cast member, and good for her. Unsurprisingly, it seems the other VPR cast members might not be that excited for her. At the time I’m writing this, it’s been two hours since Stassi posted about the book on her Instagram, and not a single cast member has commented on the photo. Obviously they could comment later, but I would have expected at least one or two to have hopped on by now. I’ll be watching carefully.
So yeah, you can preorder Stassi Schroeder’s book now, but more importantly, the new season of Vanderpump Rules starts next Monday. Can this week please just go by a little faster?
Images: Shutterstock; @stassischroeder / Instagram