After nearly a year of dating and countless walks around the block, not-so-subtly toting various Dunkin’ Donuts menu items, news broke that the unimaginatively named BenAna was no more: Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have split.
Their breakup is playing out much like their relationship did, with their drama being thrown into my face every time I open up IG. Am I surprised they broke up? No. Am I surprised at how their very public breakup is playing out? A little. Tbh, I’d expect something like this from like, Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello. (Maybe it’s just because they, too, were fond of staged quarantine walks.)
Then again, should I be taken aback by this high school-esque post-breakup behavior (ill-advised haircuts and all)? Let’s take a look back. When they first started dating, Ana told her friends Ben is “the best boyfriend ever”. The couple even got matching necklaces. (At least they had the common sense not to get tattoos.) I wouldn’t be surprised if Ana made a shirt that said “I <3 Ben” and wore it under all her clothes.
A source told PEOPLE that their split was “mutual” and “completely amicable”, but if this is considered a friendly breakup, then all of my exes and I are best friends. For one, sources report that Ana was the one who initiated the breakup, and she did so via phone call. Is this 2008, and are we Joe Jonas? Ben and Ana have been together for a year, and Ana lives with the man! You’re telling me that she couldn’t have given him a heads up in person on her way out the door? She has to grab her sh*t anyway.
While the source insisted, “there is deep love and respect there”, Ben’s trash bin says otherwise. Yesterday, Ben’s cardboard cut-out of Ana was spotted being thrown out outside his home. The guy didn’t even bother to mask the fact that it’s Ana; he just tossed her nonchalantly for the garbage men, and paparazzi, to see. You’re telling me he couldn’t just burn the cut-out in his backyard? No, this was deliberate.
Ana, for her part, was a little more subtle in communicating her feelings, though we all get the message: she went ahead and surprised the world with some fresh micro bangs. I mean, who among us has not made a tragic and rash hair decision in the throes of a breakup?
So, to quote Cardi B, what was the reason for the split? Did quarantining together finally break the couple? Did they run out of Dunkin’ Donuts menu items to try? Did they simply get tired of taking unmasked walks and pretending to laugh at each other’s jokes? Did the paparazzi stop taking their calls??
For now, the prevailing narrative is that there are no hard feelings. A source told InTouch that the reason for the breakup was because Ana is “gallivanting” around the world without Ben, and it’s left him feeling lost and needy. According to PEOPLE, “Ana doesn’t want to be Los Angeles based and Ben obviously has to since his kids live in Los Angeles.” Another source reported that it’s because Ben doesn’t want any more kids, but Ana does.
The couple met in New Orleans in 2019 while filming the upcoming so-called “erotic thriller” Deep Water, and quickly went on a celebrity relationship press tour: first visiting de Armas’s home country of Cuba in March 2020 (mid-pandemic), and later going to Costa Rica. They were even photographed with Affleck’s children and ex-wife, Jennifer Garner, suggesting everything in the relationship was rosy. But alas, everyone runs out of photo opps eventually, and the relationship was not meant to be.
What’s next for Ben and Ana? Maybe Ben will toss her things on his lawn, or wear a T-shirt emblazoned with a shady message. Perhaps Ana will get together with a new man within the week, one who’s significantly younger than Ben. One thing we can bet on is a seriously uncomfortable press tour for Deep Water (and probably just as bad ticket sales).
Whatever the reason, I’ll miss this couple. Not because I thought they were necessarily a good match, but because their obviously staged paparazzi shoots and vague donut sponcon were a consistent tabloid fixture in these inconsistent times. I’ll stay refreshing Instagram, because I’m sure we haven’t heard the last from this couple, who was just as attention-seeking in their relationship as they are in their breakup. Even though something went wrong for the pair, at least they know how to do one thing right together: keep us entertained.
Images: BG004/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
Content warning: This post contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence and abuse.
If you noticed on Monday that Armie Hammer was trending on Twitter but didn’t feel like delving any deeper into why toothpaste was trending, then you might want to get some eye-bleach handy and get ready for a whole bunch of sh*t you never wanted to see. Consider this your warning: you will probably be happier not knowing what I am about to tell you. So. The actor who played both Winklevoss twins in The Social Network (and not the baking soda company) started trending when screenshots of purported messages with the actor leaked. Just a warning, they are very graphic, so if you are of the faint of heart or have pets nearby (you’ll find out why in a second) then you may just want to tab out now and live in blissful ignorance like I wish I’d done.
On Sunday night, screenshots started circulating that appeared to be between Armie Hammer’s own verified Instagram account to a now-private IG user in which Hammer allegedly wrote, “I am 100% a cannibal. I want to eat you. F**k. That’s scary to admit … I’ve never admitted that before.” Other alleged messages include statements such as “I need to drink your blood” and “I’ve cut the heart out of a living animal before and eaten it while still warm.”
(And my go-to bad first date story is the time a guy opened with his theory that five out of five women like being choked in bed.)
In other alleged messages, Hammer writes, “You just live to obey and be my slave. I will own you.” A master/slave relationship can be a type of sexual fantasy and role play that participants enter into consensually. But the power dynamics at play when a not-famous person enters into a relationship with a person who wields a lot of power and influence can blur the lines — as can the very nature of a master/slave relationship.
According to screenshots shared by The Sun, Hammer allegedly said, “I feel like the same way you are on one side of the spectrum, I am on the other side of the master spectrum and I can’t ever imagine another slave. I don’t even want one.” According to an annotation by the original poster, Hammer “literally had multiple slaves when he said this lie.” In a 2018 interview in The Cut, BDSM educator Barbara Carrellas stresses, “Master-slave contracts are negotiated between two consenting, loving people, and they usually take years.” It’s also important to note that consent can be revoked at any time.
Writer Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who was spotted grabbing food in LA with Hammer in September 2020 (some outlets have characterized her as Hammer’s ex-girlfriend), tweeted, “If you are still questioning whether or not those Armie Hammer DMs are real (and they are) maybe you should start questioning why we live in a culture willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt instead of victims.” On her Instagram stories, she posted, “It takes an army to hide a predator. Behind every abuser is a ton of people working hard to cover up the trail.”
Hammer’s reps have not responded to multiple outlets’ requests for comment.
UPDATE: On Wednesday, a spokesperson for Lionsgate confirmed Hammer would be recast in the upcoming film Shotgun Wedding, which he was set to star opposite Jennifer Lopez. A production spokesman said in a statement, “Given the imminent start date of Shotgun Wedding, Armie has requested to step away from the film and we support him in his decision.”
“Requested”. Sure.
In a statement, Hammer said, “I’m not responding to these bullshit claims but in light of the vicious and spurious online attacks against me, I cannot in good conscience now leave my children for 4 months to shoot a film in the Dominican Republic,” adding, “Lionsgate is supporting me in this and I’m grateful to them for that.”
On Thursday, one of Hammer’s ex-girlfriends, Courtney Vucekovich, gave an exclusive interview to Page Six, alleging Hammer was “emotionally abusive” in addition to being “weird and gross”, saying, “He likes the idea of skin in his teeth.”
But the fetish wasn’t the most alarming part of their relationship — Vucekovich told Page Six that, at most, if she had a small cut on her hand, “he’d like suck it or lick it” — the real issue was the “active manipulation” and emotional abuse she suffered at the hands of Hammer.
“He quickly grooms you in the relationship,” she told Page Six. “He kind of captivates you and while being charming, he’s grooming you for these things that are darker and heavier and consuming. When I say consuming, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, just everything.”
Vucekovich said that at one point, she and hammer spent three straight weeks together, and in the moments when they weren’t together, he’d text her 100 times a day. Eventually, she was paying for everything, even gas, because “he’s allegedly broke” — though a Google search puts his net worth at $16 million. The alleged abuse was so bad that, following an explosive fight that ended their relationship, Vucekovich had regular panic attacks, and eventually checked herself into a 30-day partial hospitalization program for PTSD and trauma.
Paige Lorenze, who was linked to Hammer in December 2020, tweeted on January 10, “anyone got a good therapist?”
Hammer and his wife Elizabeth Chambers announced their divorce in July after a decade of marriage and 13 years as a couple. A source told ET that Chambers is “in complete shock” and that “she is sickened by the various women’s claims”.
UPDATE 2/2/21: Chambers has seemingly responded to the allegations, writing in the caption to an Instagram post, “For weeks, I’ve been trying to process everything that has transpired.” She added, “I support any victim of assault or abuse and urge anyone who has experienced this pain to seek the help she or he needs to heal” before stating that she will not comment further on the allegations.
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Last week, news broke that Hammer’s Call Me By Your Name costar, Timothée Chalamet, would be teaming up with the film’s director, Luca Guadagnino, for a movie adaptation of the young adult novel Bones & All by Camille DeAngelis. Bones & All is about—get this—a 16-year-old who eats the people she falls in love with. Yeah. Chambers commented “no words” on an Instagram post by Just Jared announcing the movie. No words indeed. It doesn’t seem like Hammer was involved, but still, it feels just a little too soon.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual assault, harassment or violence, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat online at thehotline.org.
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Apparently they say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Not sure if “they” have actually taken said advice, but after many failed walks of shame, self-lectures and a crippling self-esteem, I can assure you this is absolute horse sh*t. That said, someone should probably relay this information to Demi Lovato’s ex-fiancé, Max Ehrich, who has already moved on from Demi after like, two weeks, by projecting his night out with American Idol alumn Sonika Vaid all over Instagram right after he called the paparazzi on himself was photographed dramatically crying on the beach.
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For someone who is well-versed in the façade that is “I swear I’m doing fine” post-split look, this move is one of the final acts taken in hopes that your ex realizes what they missed out on (and don’t even get me started on those staged beach photos).
To make matters even more dramatic, Max dropped the truth about his feelings toward Demetria (or possibly Sonika?) this morning in a new song called “Afraid” and it’s just… more than I was willing to grasp on a Friday afternoon. He sings lines like, “I’m afraid to give up my heart / I’m afraid to be broken apart / So I play, I play safe / Holding my guard,” which is painfully ironic coming from someone who cannon-balled into this entire relationship with zero rationality.
Also, those hashtags are embarrassing. If you see me writing #peace #vulnerability, go ahead and delete my account.
Max’s photo and song most likely come in response to Demi literally leaking her own banger of a breakup song earlier this month called “Still Have Me”, where she basically sings, “I’d rather do this alone than put up with your sh*t for one more second.”
Meanwhile, Demi seems to be handling the aftermath of the split like a champ, spending time with family and friends, and was just spotted looking “cozy” (interpret that how you will) with rapper Mod Sun, aka both Tana Mongeau and Bella Thorne’s ex, according to photos obtained on Wednesday by The Sun. Earlier this week, they were seen riding around in the back of a black SUV and legit looking like they were having the time of their lives, which is likely the case considering these two have been friends for a while now.
Apparently Demi helped Mod through some tough times when he was trying to get sober, so it’s likely the favor is simply just being returned. A source also confirmed to E! News that Demi and Mod are “just hanging out for now,” adding, “She has been trying to surround herself with good company to occupy her time and keep her mind off of the Max drama. She isn’t looking to date right now and is still healing.”
Oh, and the source also said, “Demi is a free spirit and loves going with the flow,” so like, whatever happens, happens? Sonika, on the other hand, is eating up this five minutes of fame, considering she’s already gone on the record to E! News, telling them that after meeting at a dinner with mutual friends, that she and Max have “just been hanging out since and having fun.”
Sounds like the exact script I use when I’m trying to hide the truth about my 2am regrets from my friends, but what do I know? Anyway, see you back here next week when Max announces he’s expecting his first child or something.
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Well, it’s a new year, but here we are, still talking about Tyler Cameron’s personal life. It seems crazy that six months ago, Tyler was just a twinkle in Hannah Brown’s eye, but time flies when you’re the most eligible bachelor in America (sorry, Pete). We watched closely as Tyler’s relationship with Gigi Hadid developed, and then came to a quiet and abrupt end, but Tyler has kept his dating life more low-key since then. But now, there’s evidence that he’s with someone new, and that someone is none other than Kylie Jenner’s best friend, Stassie Karanikolaou.
Before we get into the actual news here, let me just say that I have officially memorized the spelling of ‘Karanikolaou,’ and I’m really not sure how I feel about that. Like, why do I know so much about these people? Much like Tyler, Stassie really had a come-up in 2019, moving into the illustrious position of Kylie Jenner’s BFF after Jordyn Woods f*cked herself over. Over the past several months, we’ve watched Stassie suck up to Kylie all over Instagram, and clearly it worked.
So. Stassie and Tyler. If you made a random 2019 couple generator, this is probably the first couple that would pop up. It was really only a matter of time before these two found each other. The rumors about Tyler and Stassie originated at the beginning of November, when TMZ posted a video of Tyler making out with a “mystery blonde” at a club in LA. While we couldn’t see the woman’s face in the video, she was wearing the same outfit that Stassie had posed in earlier that day on her Instagram story. Stassie also has some ridiculous extensions that I feel like I could spot from a mile away, so I definitely thought it was her.
Basically everyone thought the woman in the video was Stassie, but we couldn’t say for 100% certainty. We got more evidence a few weeks later, when a source told Us Weekly that the two were “absolutely hooking up.” According to the anonymous source, they were “keeping things casual,” but Tyler wanted to “continue seeing her and see where it goes.” I’d love to know if this is the same kind of “casual” relationship he had with Gigi, which involved flying to Europe for her grandma’s funeral?
We all know that anonymous sources generally shouldn’t be trusted, but in this case, it seems like the intel turned out to be good. Evidently, Tyler did get to continue seeing Stassie, because they were seen partying together in Miami on New Year’s Eve. (No, the Kardashians weren’t there.) According to another Us Weekly source (they have eyes everywhere), Tyler was spotted “being awfully friendly” with Stassie, whatever that means. Like, I appreciate the sentiment here, but next time I’d like the anonymous source to be a bit more descriptive. Was there non-platonic touching? Was Tyler using tongue? Inquiring minds deserve to know these things.
Of course, a dance floor makeout on New Year’s Eve isn’t automatic evidence that a relationship is going somewhere (I have literally no clue what my NYE kiss from last year looks like), but combined with the last couple months of evidence and sources, it definitely seems like Tyler and Stassie are more than just “awfully friendly.” Considering that Stassie lives in LA and Tyler just moved to NYC last year, this relationship seems low-key inconvenient, but I guess these things don’t really matter when you’re famous.
We have a long 2020 ahead of us, and honestly, I don’t think I really see Stassie and Tyler going the distance. But I’m glad that they’re having fun, and it seems inevitable that Tyler was going to end up in the Kardashian Cinematic Universe at some point. I thought hanging out with Taylor Swift and Serena Williams was going to be a tough act to follow, but at this rate, Tyler will probably be at next year’s Kardashian Christmas party. It’s crazy to think that he could’ve been the Bachelor right now, but I have a feeling he has no regrets.
Images: DFree / Shutterstock.com; TMZ / YouTube
It’s been over a month since we first found out about Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott’s breakup, and I’m finally ready to admit that it’s probably real. Even though I was highly skeptical about the timing of the split with Travis’ new song, things between them have been pretty quiet lately. It seems like they’re still on good terms when it comes to parenting Stormi, but that’s all that’s going on. Fine, I’ll accept that I was wrong, and the breakup wasn’t just a publicity stunt.
But now that the dust has settled from Kylie’s split with Travis, there are already lots of rumors about who she is seeing these days, and uh, they’re saying it’s Drake. That’s right, Kylie Jenner has been spending time with Champagne Papi himself, and I really don’t know how to feel about it. On one hand, this isn’t that shocking, because Drake has known the Kardashian-Jenner family for a long time, and he’s obviously Kylie’s type because he is a rapper. But on the other hand, why the f*ck would Drake, who has worked with Travis Scott in the past, want to start seeing Kylie just weeks after she broke up with his friend?! That seems messy, even by these people’s standards.
But let’s back up a little, because we don’t know for sure that anything is really going on here. There are a lot of contradicting sources happening here, so let’s go through what’s being reported on both sides. The one thing that’s not in question at all is what kicked off these rumors: Kylie attending Drake’s birthday party. The party took place in Hollywood a couple weeks ago, and at the time it was mostly notable because Adele was there looking extremely hot. But Kylie was there too, and she also attended his Halloween party last week, where, according to a People source, she stayed “super late.”
People spoke to at least three sources about the pair, with one confirming that Kylie and Drake “have been spending time together recently,” and adding that “They’ve been friends for a long time and Drake is very close to the family.” This we already knew, and both Kylie and Kendall attended Drake’s New Year’s party at the beginning this year. But another People source claimed that things have change, saying that they’ve been seeing each other “romantically” since Kylie’s split with Travis last month. And I go half a year in between dates…
But wait! There are a bunch of anonymous sources here, and they’re not all in agreement over what’s actually going on. One source told People that Kylie and Drake are “just friends,” and a second also denied that they’re dating. So basically, there are way too many anonymous sources talking about this, and no one knows what’s actually happening. We know that Kylie and Drake are friends, and it seems pretty certain that they’ve been hanging out recently, but this could be platonic, a full-blown relationship, or basically anywhere in between.
Whatever is happening, Us Weekly spoke to yet another anonymous source, who commented on Travis’ feelings about this. When asked about the Drake situation, the source said, “Travis harbors no ill will to any of Kylie’s friends,” which is pretty vague, but okay. If Travis was actually super upset about this, he probably wouldn’t say anything about it, and this source doesn’t confirm things one way or the other.
Honestly, I would be surprised if Kylie and Drake are anything more than friends with benefits, but you never know what crazy sh*t is going to happen with this family. I mean, there was a time when it seemed like a crazy rumor that Kim Kardashian might be dating Kanye West, and now they’re married with four kids. You truly never know with these people. For now, I guess we’ll just enjoy what the 750 anonymous sources have to say, and try to make some sense of things. I’m sure Kris Jenner is working overtime leaking information to all of these press outlets, making sure that we have absolutely no idea what’s going on. Can’t wait to see the manufactured real truth five months from now on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Images: Shutterstock
Remember Hot Girl Summer? It might not be summer anymore, but Miley Cyrus is not done with that sh*t yet. She’s fully embracing Thotumn, and I’m here for it. As the leaves start to change, Miley has gotten herself a new man, and we need to dissect the details of exactly what is going on. It’s been a whirlwind couple of months in Miley’s personal life, and with the arrival of Cody Simpson, it’s not slowing down any time soon.
After announcing her split from her husband Liam Hemsworth in August, we watched as Miley spent a month basically attached at the hip to Kaitlynn Carter. They made out on yachts in Italy, traipsed around LA, and were apparently even living together at one point. This made sense to me, as Kaitlynn was also fresh out of her marriage to Brody Jenner, and it seemed like she and Miley both just needed a person. But that fizzled out after six weeks, and Miley has already moved on.
Now, Miley has turned her attention to Cody Simpson, and their PDA-filled fling has already become something that we can’t avoid talking about. First of all, let’s address some common questions I’ve heard in the past week, namely “wh0 the f*ck is Cody Simpson?” Cody is an Australian singer, who at one point was supposed to be the next Justin Bieber. That never really happened, but now Cody is a hot 22-year-old with abs and tattoos and clearly a lot of time on his hands. (He also used to date Gigi Hadid, because of course.) Basically, he’s Miley’s exact type, which she pointed out in this Instagram story:
Miley and Cody have only been hanging out for a week or so, but they’ve actually been friends for years. In 2015, Cody spoke about how Miley had helped him with his transition out of being a child star, and called her one of his best friends. Even before that, Cody say in 2012 that Miley was one of his “childhood celebrity crushes.” That might be kind of a yikes considering that he was like, 15 at the time, but everyone here is an adult now.
Last week, Cody and Miley made lots of headlines when they were spotted making out while getting açaí bowls together in LA. If nothing else, it’s become clear in the last two months that Miley Cyrus really loves making out in public places. After a lot of people started criticizing her for moving on so quickly from her marriage and subsequent relationship with Kaitlynn, Miley shut it down with a passionate statement on social media:
Miley is absolutely right that there’s a double standard when it comes to men and women in relationships, and I’m sure it makes it extra difficult when everything plays out so publicly. But also, I reserve the right to judge anyone who makes out in a public place. I have no problem with Miley having a good time, but I would call out my best friend if she were making out with a dude at the açaí place.
Since the açaí date last week, Miley and Cody have definitely been seeing a lot of each other, and it definitely feels reminiscent of how Miley and Kaitlynn were basically acting like a married couple within days of first being seen together. On Saturday, Cody posted this picture on his IG story, where he calls Miley “baby” as he kisses her forehead.
He also posted a video later that day of the two of them hanging out. Basically, they spent the whole weekend together. Miley also responded to being called “baby” on her own Instagram story, followed by posting a series of baby pictures of herself. They’re clearly having a lot of fun letting this whole thing play out for all of us to see, so who knows where this is all going.
In the days since they’ve been hanging out, sources have popped up to dish on what’s going on, and none of it is surprising. According to Entertainment Tonight, neither of them is looking to settle down or get into anything serious, which like…duh? Two months after filing for divorce, I don’t really think Miley is going to be in a long-term relationship with a younger guy who was basically obsessed with her when she was a kid. She’s at the point where she’s just doing whatever seems fun for the moment, and why shouldn’t she?
I have a feeling this is going to go down a route similar to Miley and Kaitlynn’s relationship, burning bright and fast. Miley probably doesn’t want a husband right now, so she should just have fun. As for Cody, he should just enjoy all of this free press while it lasts.
Images: Shutterstock; mileycyrus (3), codysimpson / Instagram
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro from Jersey Shore has gone f*cking crazy again, only this time it’s not in a funny drank-too-much-and-cheated-on-Sammi-Sweetheart type of way. Around 3:00am this morning, multiple 911 calls were placed saying that a woman was running through the Hollywood Hills shouting that someone had taken her baby. One neighbor said the woman came to their front door after they witnessed her being attacked by a shirtless man. When the police arrived the woman, Jen Harley, Ronnie’s on-again/off-again girlfriend and the mother of his daughter Ariana, said that Ronnie had been chasing her around with a knife and was currently inside their rented Airbnb with their baby. She had sustained some minor injuries.
EXCLUSIVE:
Jersey Shore’s Ronnie Ortiz in handcuffs after 3am domestic violence incident. Woman reported being assaulted + that Ortiz had her baby inside home. Police say he wouldn’t come out so they broke down door to rescue baby. Coming up live on @FOXLA #JustOneStation pic.twitter.com/Iy6xNg2CJr— Gigi Graciette (@GigiGraciette) October 4, 2019
When the police knocked on the door of the home, Ronnie refused to come out. Fearing for the baby’s safety, police busted the door down… where Ronnie tried fighting them and was “extremely combative.” Yikes. I don’t need Law & Order: SVU to tell me that assaulting a police officer is a bad idea. He was subsequently tased, handcuffed, and taken to the hospital for an evaluation. He’s since been released from the hospital and will be facing domestic violence and kidnapping charges.
The disturbing event comes just 12 hours after the couple interviewed on the street with TMZ, saying they were back together after a month apart and were getting ready for a CBD company launch party that evening. Seems like he partied just a little bit too hard!! BUT HERE’S THE F*CKING GAG: When asked about Jersey Shore co-star Mike Sorrentino, who was recently released from an 8-month prison stint for tax evasion, Ronnie said, “he’s jacked, have you seen him? I feel like I want to go to prison for 8 months, he looks good!” CAREFUL. WHAT. YOU. WISH. FOR.
Ronnie and Jen have had a very tumultuous relationship from the beginning. On New Year’s Eve, Ronnie filed a police report over Jen chucking an ashtray at his face, leaving him bloodied. Later that day, she reported that when she arrived home, he had broken into her apartment and torn the place to shreds, punched a hole in the wall, smashed a bunch of glass, and flipped her furniture. (Sound familiar? I wonder if he tried to dump her mattress out of the house too.)
A few weeks prior to that, Jen’s Las Vegas apartment building released footage of Rahn punching out the security camera installed in Jen’s front door. Last October, Ronnie called the Las Vegas police, saying that Jen punched him in the face and gave him a black eye, but didn’t follow through on pressing charges.
Do you need a neck brace from all the whiplash yet? Good, there’s more. Only a month ago, Jen went on an Instagram story tirade where she claimed that Ronnie cheated on her, even posting a now-deleted photo of him snuggling up next to another girl on a boat. She also accused him of being abusive and a bully. She said that she’s bullied by MTV and Ronnie’s Jersey Shore cast members because they’re “protecting their asset.” She pointed to his short-lived romance with Keeping Up with the Kardashians regular Malika Haqq as proof that he’s abusive, posting an Insta story where Haqq said, “his love language is very aggressive, it’s verbally aggressive, it’s physically aggressive, it’s just the way he expresses himself.”
Clearly, she’s not wrong and this is a terrible relationship for everyone involved, especially 18-month-old Ariana. It seems like this will be the straw that breaks the camels back, but then again, Ronnie and Jen got back together after she dragged him from a car, so who really knows. Kidnapping and domestic violence charges sure won’t be a walk in the park for Ron, though. Maybe he’ll get swole in prison, but I wonder if they get enough yard time for him to maintain his tan? Either way, this is sure to f*ck up any potential Jersey Shore seasons that may be in the works.
In all seriousness, if you or someone you love is involved in a potentially violent domestic situation contact the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or online here.
Images: Shutterstock.com; Giphy; GigiGraciette / Twitter
For those of you who Keep Up on a regular basis, you know it’s a full-time f*cking job. Not only do you have to tune in on Sundays, but also every other day of the week. You need to deep dives into their social media so you can figure out WTF is happening. It’s exhausting but someone’s got to be this committed to avoiding doing actual work do it. And nothing is more exhausting than trying to figure out if Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson are still together.
Last spring, Tristan proved that men are unfit to live in society and should be caged at all times when he cheated on Khloé while she was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT by motorboating a bunch of randos he met at a club. As if little baby True didn’t have enough issues to bring up with her future therapist, now she can add “daddy issues” to the long list. Since then Khloé has been v v quiet about WTF is going on between her and Tristan despite the fact that I am heavily invested in their relationship and need answers immediately.
KHLOÉ: *chooses to keep very personal issues of her private life private*
ME:
Sources say the couple has been on “rocky terms” ever since the scandal broke but, like, what does that even mean? Like, how rocky is it? Is it like they’re in couples therapy but Tristan still sleeps on the couch kind of rocky? Or more like he’s allowed to breathe near baby True but only during supervised visits? WHAT IS THE TRUTH? And with the cheating episode airing on KUWTK this Sunday (!!!) it’s important that we have answers now more than ever. I’m not trying to get hurt again, ya know? Let’s take a look at the evidence, shall we?
1. Her Instagrams
Tristan has been suspiciously missing from Khloé’s IG for MONTHS now. If there’s a stronger indicator for a relationship falling apart than that, I don’t know it what is. Since the cheating scandal, her feed has been a constant stream of baby photos and thirst traps. I guess motherhood only changes you so much. Tristan did make a quick appearance in August when Khloé posted about her weekend getaway to Mexico but, like, at the very back of the photo reel and their bodies weren’t even touching. If there’s one thing I know about the Kardashians it’s how much they looove to flaunt their asses and significant others, so the fact that his face is buried so far back in her IG that even I have a hard time tracking it down means it’s not looking great for T.
2. The Bali Vacation
This year the Kardashians pregamed Halloween with a casual vacation to Bali. I do something similar except replace “vacation to Bali” with googling vacations I can’t afford, stuffing my face with discount candy to numb the pain, then saying “f*ck it” and incorporating Target’s last-season swimwear into a slutty costume so I can get some sort of use out of that purchase. Self-care is so important, isn’t it ladies?
So, the Kardashians pregamed in Bali and even let the father of the year alcoholic and self-proclaimed sex addict Scott Disick come. You know who wasn’t invited? Tristan Thompson. Some might say this is because Tristan is training in Cleveland. I say it’s because Kris Jenner threatened to throw him overboard. Khloé also posted a super cute photo of her and True with the caption “blah blah blah Thankful for the memories baby True and I are creating” (I paraphrase). Does that now low-key feel like a dig at Tristan? She might as well have said “thankful for making memories with baby True AND NO ONE ELSE.” Khloé, I’m picking up what you’re putting down.
3. The Cleveland Move
Perhaps the most damning piece of evidence: Khloé has yet to move back to Cleveland. Apparently Khloé was supposed to join her baby daddy last month when he moved back to Cleveland for basketball season, but instead is living her best Calabasas life. According to sources she’s not making any moves rn and is “just going to sit back and assess the situation very closely” aka she’s making damn sure there’s no more late night motorboating going on before she moves her entire life to middle America.
That said, she did attend one of his games earlier this week. Some people are saying this is proof that their relationship is back on track, but I have trust issues am not buying it. This feels less like a loving partner’s show of support and more like Khloé flew two thousand miles to make sure her man wasn’t eye-f*cking any cheerleaders. Just saying.
4. Halloween
Finally, my investigation brings us to yesterday. Halloween. While her sisters were testing Instagram’s nudity policy one lingerie photoshoot at a time, Khloé was posting a sh*t ton of photos of baby True looking adorable AF. Once again, Tristan was suspiciously missing from every photo. But while he was absent from her feed, she showed up on his IG story with this painful looking photo:
Is it just me or does Khloé look f*cking miserable? Or at least like she’s exhausted from putting up with all his bullsh*t? GIRL, YOU AND ME BOTH. (I mean actually, this looks like one of the Wayans brothers disguised as Khloé Kardashian, but barring that theory, she looks like she’s screaming internally.)
So there you have it. The (not at all solid and based solely on rumors and Instagram captions) facts. THE DEFENSE RESTS. TBH I think Khloé and Tristan are still together, but only for True. Or so Khloé’s rabid followers (hi) don’t set fire to Tristan and everything he loves.
Images: Giphy (1); @khloekardashian /Instagram (1); @kimkardashinan /Instagram (1)
