Memorial Day Weekend is right around the corner, and I have the model-inspired crop tops you’re going to need. As always, I found them for half the price. Memorial Day weekend is like the prom to me. No seriously, it gives me as much anxiety as my senior prom. It is the kick off to summer, and I always stalk run into my ex this time every year. Therefore, it’s a MUST to look amazing, and what better way to look amazing than in a crop top? That’s why I scoured Instagram to find the cutest and trendiest crop tops seen on celebs lately, and then I found you cheap af dupes. Not all heroes wear capes. Click through to see my celebrity picks and their less expensive counterparts.
Images: Emily Ratajkowski, Romee Strijd, Olivia Culpo/Instagram (3); Forever 21
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The MTV Video Music Awards are traditionally an event where celebrities compete with each other to wear the ugliest, most outrageous shit they can find. Except this year was a snooze fest and even the ugliest outfits weren’t that offensive. There weren’t any swan dresses or major wardrobe malfunctions, which is seriously disappointing. I don’t even think any real celebrities went this year unless they knew they had to perform or accept an award; the red carpet was pretty much just social media stars. I guess everyone figured the world would be too busy watching the Game of Thrones finale to tune into the VMAs, so they decided not to even make an effort to be extra. What a shame. Anyway, these outfits still managed to suck, so let’s talk shit about them.
Alessia Cara
Alessia Cara has a zero fucks attitude, which I really appreciate. I mean, she literally wore sweats and sneakers to the VMAs, which is a level of laziness I aspire to achieve someday. Usually, I’d give this type of behavior a free pass, but Alessia wore a plain black choker with Adidas Superstars, which are two trends that the Tumblr teens have totally killed. She also wore some sweatpants that kind of look like gauchos. *Googles what year it is* Like, girl, you won an award. Have a little self-respect.
Lorde
I. Wow. I’m gonna go book a doctor’s appointment, because I think this outfit gave me an aneurysm. On top you’ve got some party tinfoil ensemble and then on bottom you’ve got sweatpants? It’s like Lorde started making this outfit for the Project Runway unconventional materials challenge and then just ran out of time. If those sweatpants weren’t bad enough, she paired them with Adidas superstars. It’s crazy meets lazy meets basic, and it’s all around bad.
Demi Lovato
I don’t even know where to go with this one. Do I make a joke about the upcoming live action Aladdin movie, or do I take the ninja route? I’m a huge fan of jumpsuits, but this one is brutal. I’m actually v here for the top part because I have daddy issues slutty is my aesthetic, but then they had to go and ruin it with some sequined MC Hammer pants. And then Demi paired this all with some librarian heels. What makes this outfit especially tragic is that Demi’s hair and makeup are fire, and “No Promises” is my current jam. I really wanted to see her succeed. I was rooting for you, Demi. We were all rooting for you!
Gabbie Hanna
I don’t think that someone we vaguely remember from when Vine was a thing counts as a “poorly dressed celebrity,” but this dress sucks, so I’m going to add it to the list anyway. All it’s missing are pin stripes and then this would be a Sexy Lady Gangster costume from Spirit Halloween.
Katy Perry
If you can look past the creepy fake baby Katy has strapped to her chest, you can appreciate the full horror of this dress. This isn’t The Hangover, put Carlos to bed. Anyway, Katy looks like a member of Mugatu’s squad, or like Princess Anastasia gone wrong (Google it, you’ll know what I’m talking about). Honestly, I’m pretty shocked that her outfits for the night weren’t worse than they were. I had low expectations.
Mel B
Anyone know why Scary Spice showed up with a “I need to talk to your manager” haircut and a giant eyeball over her ass? I feel like she got high and watched The Secret right before getting dressed and all she could do was mumble shit about her “third eye” to her stylist and this is what they came up with.
The most important Instagram event of the year is finally here. I’m obviously talking about Coachella, the music festival that has practically just become a contest to see who can walk around the desert in 100 degree weather with the most shit glued to their head before they pass out. Coachella fashion is a tricky thing, because you’re pretty much required to wear as little clothing as possible, but also be really trendy, but also wear something that nobody else has ever worn before. Like buying an unlimited pass to a 6am spin class, dressing for Coachella is almost always just setting yourself up for failure. Of course there are always a few geniuses who actually get it right, so let’s take a moment to celebrate them and then shit on the people who clearly shopped for their outfits while blindfolded in the clearance section of Forever 21.
Best
Rihanna
RiRi Is the best dressed wherever she goes, so this is literally the most unsurprising news of all time. This betch took the basic ripped shorts and tank top Coachella look but made it iconic. It’s funny that we all ripped on Justin Bobby for wearing combat boots to the beach on The Hills, but now that homegirl wore a full crystal Gucci bodysuit to the damn desert, everyone’s so down. Times change, I guess.
Hailey Baldwin
I saw Hailey Baldwin wearing army pants and a beaded bra thing, so I wore army pants and a beaded bra thing.
Hailee Steinfeld
I’ll let the picstitch slide because this outfit is so good. Last year, matching shorts and crop top sets were a huge Coachella trend. This year, Hailee gave zero Fs, skipped the pants, and redefined matching set to mean a giant T-shirt and coordinating thigh-high boots.
Justine Skye
You know when you’re getting dressed to go out, and sweatpants are all that fit you right now, so you actually genuinely consider it for a second? Well, Justine Skye literally did that at Coachella. Except, they’re holographic sweats with a body chain and a crop top, which I wouldn’t generally advise for anyone on an all carb diet—but for Justine, it’s working.
Worst
Katy Perry
I never thought I’d miss the days when Katy Perry glued cupcakes to her tits, but here we are. She looks like she got locked out of a Macy’s dressing room while trying on a maid of honor dress after a Zumba class.
Selena Gomez
Selena usually slays, but apparently, she’s caught a bad case of “I just got a new boyfriend so now I’m going to dress like shit because I’m happy.” So boring. Just because Coachella happened during Easter doesn’t mean she can wear an outfit from the Sears Easter sale.
Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton wore a flower crown to Coachella. That’s social suicide. But I mean, I guess that’s what happens when you’re 36 and fucking clueless but trying to stay relevant. It’s kind of like those girls who were a few years older than you in high school and now post selfies from weird angles with the InstaSize watermark in the corner. It’s so sad to see someone who was once popular with great hair have such a tragic downfall. Oh well.
Kendall Jenner
Kendall looks like she should be complaining about menopause over a pitcher of sangria with Samantha Jones in the first Sex and the City movie. This outfit just doesn’t look like it belongs at a festival where everyone else is like, dropping acid and wearing ripped fishnets and glitter.
Need to recover from Coachella? Read our tips here!
