Who Will Win Arie’s Season Of ‘The Bachelor’ Based Off The Contestants’ Instagrams

The Bachelor doesn’t premiere for another two weeks or so (yes, I could do the math but no, I won’t because I’m too lazy), but the speculation train is just getting started since ABC released the cast of Instagram models ladies vying for Arie’s love. I already broke down my thoughts and feelings on each and every one of them, and so did Jared Fried. But the question remains: Who’s going to win the prize of a Neil Lane diamond ring that’s been put on layaway Arie’s heart? The answer, for now, can only be found through Instagram. And, I guess, Reality Steve—but again, that’s no fun. So I did some serious internet stalking, and here’s who I think will win The Bachelor, and who will lose, based on their current IG presence. Before we get started, I’d just like to say that I’m not going to judge everyone, because there are 30 of them and I don’t have the time for that. I’ll just tackle the highs and the lows—who I think will be major players, and who will go the way of Mohit and get eliminated on the first night after getting blackout and screaming “Nooo!” from a distance while watching one of the contestants score a kiss.


Let’s start with Bibiana, because she’s the most interesting. Namely, her profile is private. This points to one of two possibilities: Either she’s really here for the right reasons and makes it pretty far in the competition and maybe even wins and is preemptively protecting her and Arie’s privacy, OR she does or says something extremely bad and gets sent home early on because of it. No other in-between is possible; I can’t wait to see which option it is. I’m kind of rooting for the latter because I’m a garbage human.

Bibiana The Bachelor


I think Jenna will do pretty well in the competition for a few reasons. One, she’s blonde, and we know Arie has a penchant for Barbie lookalikes. Two, Jenna’s Instagram is a pretty healthy mix between blatant promotion and real pictures of her life, friends, home-cooked meals, etc. She’s got aspirations of shilling hair vitamins, but she’s pretty down-to-earth despite that. However, looking at Jenna’s IG, one thing becomes clear: She really fucking loves North Carolina. I predict that being a problem when Arie asks if she’d ever relocate to Arizona for him and she answers that question by going on about Raleigh for five solid minutes. He’ll send her home after winning a two-on-one date when he realizes she’ll never leave her hometown.

Jenna Bachelor

Bekah M

I did an in-depth review of Bekah’s Instagram, and I’m not going to rehash the same shit I said there, but basically, I see Bekah M getting eliminated on the second night. She’s different enough to make it past the first rose ceremony on the interesting factor alone, but not any farther than that. Personally, I love the pixie cut, but Arie just does not seem like the type of guy who’s down with an alternative artsy chick. Second of all, we’ve pretty definitively concluded that she’s 22 years old. I know Arie likes younger women, but there’s just no way he could keep a 22-year-old around on The Bachelor and live it down. 

Bekah Martinez Bachelor


I personally think there’s a strong chance Caroline will win. She’s gorgeous, she’s funny (peep her captions), and she’s like, a nice person—her Insta story today was a swipe up to donate for Alzheimer’s research. (Please don’t tell the guy I’m dating about my Instagram habits.) Anyway, Caroline is an Instagram model (plus for Arie) who at least seems self-aware (plus for us, the viewers). Am I just saying all this, including that she will win, because she looks like a hotter Vanessa? Maybe.

Caroline Lunny


Kendall is that hot girl who eats a slice of pizza and thinks she’s quirky for doing it. But I think her “guy’s girl who’s clearly just a hot girl who’s out of touch with what women actually like” image will get her pretty far in this competition. She’ll probably like, drop one fact about car racing and Arie will jizz his pants. Also, Kendall has a twin named Kylie. Yes, this is true. No, I don’t know what to do with that information, but I assume Arie will find out at some point, so you know Kendall will at least stick around until hometowns.

Kendall Bachelor


See, I personally respect Nysha’s no-thirst-trap approach to Instagram, but I have a feeling that Arie won’t. Her pictures are mostly selfies and memes—which, again, let me reiterate that I fully support—but you’d think that if she even made it decently far into the competition she’d have hooked herself up with a photographer and gotten a few modeling shots up by now. I think Nysha gets eliminated night one because she’s kept her IG too low-key for me to think otherwise. Also, as of 14 hours ago she is still a nurse—so yeah, she definitely packs it in on the first elimination. Good for you, Nysha. Don’t quit your day job. Seriously, the world doesn’t need more FitTea, but we definitely have no shortage of nurses.

Nysha Norris THe Bachelor


I’m conflicted about Seinne. On the one hand, pretty much every photo is from a photoshoot. It’s not a bad thing per se, but it does give me a clue that they probably would have applied to be on The Bachelor regardless of who the Bachelor was. On the other hand, Seinne is gorgeous. I’m not really sure how I feel about the “mind | body | soul” bio, but she seems pretty likable—she has a group pic with a bunch of the contestants—and again, is gorgeous. I think she’ll do pretty well. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be looking at Seinne’s abs while shame-eating garlic bread.

Seinne Fleming Bachelor

That’s all I really have the time or desire to roast today. I did want to mention Marikh and Olivia, who I think will make it decently far because I get the impression that they have big personalities. But I also know that if I delve any further into these Instagram profiles, I’m going to end up breaking down all 30 of them. Therefore, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. If I am correct about any of these predictions, you all owe me $5. 

One Of Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s Contestants Has An Interesting Connection To Donald Trump

Thanks to the investigative powers of people on the internet i.e. Reddit (these people are fucking amazing with the amount of dirt they can dig up, btw, we love you forever) and Reality Steve (clearly has some kind of pact with Satan), we’re pretty sure we can safely predict one of the front-runners of the upcoming season of The Bachelor: We don’t know how they found out this info, but somehow they know that former Miss Massachusetts USA Caroline Lunny is reportedly competing. Of all the blondes women who we know will be competing next season, Lunny seems to have the chops to take her to the top of the “to watch” list and is already being declared a front-runner to find her way into Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s bed, and maybe even his heart. In the case you don’t know your Miss USAs from your Miss Americas, (congrats and good for you) The Miss America program is the one where you have to have a talent and Miss USA is the one where you got sexually assaulted by a guy who is now the President of the United States. So anyway, Lunny was Miss Massachusetts in 2014. So we know she’s already adept at dealing with creeps, which could come in handy for this next Bachelor.

According to her old contestant bio, she wanted to host her own TV show one day—cue smart-ass remark about how she’s definitely not here for the right reasons. She’s also a big fan of the New England Patriots. Shocking, considering she was Miss Massachusetts and Tom Brady exists.

So what’s she been doing since she lost at the Miss USA pageant? Well, obviously gearing up for a career as a soon-to-be former Bachelor contestant. She’s in a career that’s easy to get out of: real estate. And she’s pretty busy being super professional there, you know, posting pictures of her fixing up a property with half an ass cheek totally hanging out. Classic.

So why do we think she’ll be a front-runner? Um, can you see her? This photo has total Vanessa vibes, plus this lady is hot AF and probably super charming (unlike the aforementioned “Vanessa”) considering she spent her youth schmoozing pageant judges. She also knows her way around professional athletes. Lunny has been linked to Canadian hockey player Reily Smith. Yeah, I get race car drivers and Canadian hockey players aren’t the upper echelon of athletes you could be dating, but still.

Then again, one of her IG followers is Jen Saviano, aka the girl who got dumped by Nick Viall on Bachelor in Paradise. One Redditor pointed out that they both live in the same city and they might know each other, so it’s possible that Caroline is not totally unconnected to the franchise. I’m not saying this is all a revenge plot to get Caroline on The Bachelor, get eliminated, go on Paradise to seduce Nick and then dump him on national television before becoming the next Bachelorette, but I’m also not not saying that.