2018 was a year of many revelations. (Yes, saying “revelations” instead of “realizing stuff” makes me the intellectual Kylie Jenner.) It was a rapid-fire year of watching our favorite celebs make engagements, break engagements, have babies, and get cheated on by f*ckboys. (What I like to call “the big four.”) In between worrying that these celebs are growing up too fast and worrying I’m not growing up fast enough, I realized I was forgetting one important thing. (No, not refilling my anxiety medication. Good one though.) I realized I was spending so much time judging and measuring everyone else’s process in life and feeling guilty about my own that I could barely remember what I actually wanted. All I knew was what I thought it should look like.
So, in the spirit of slowing down, letting go, and re-focusing on getting happy from the inside out, here are four things to stop giving yourself (and other people!) sh*t for in 2019.
Feeling Only Okay About Your Job
One of the more toxic elements of Instagram is that everyone on there (everyone successful anyway) seems to be a fully self-made entrepreneur who lives their best life every day, is grateful for every morning, and answers only to themselves. While that obviously sounds delightful, you have to keep in mind that you have no idea how those people got there, and how truthful they’re even being about the joy they find in their careers. Similarly, the friends you compare yourself to and feel like sh*t about—whether they’re pursuing creative goals or just pulling in a fat paycheck—all likely have their own unique doubts, fears, and misgivings about their jobs. That’s the nature of work, and the nature of life in general.
So, am I saying you should stay at your sh*tty desk job forever, because everyone’s probably unhappy about something? Try again, b*tch! If you hate your job, or even just don’t love it, you can absolutely add “get a new job” to your 2019 resolutions, and go after that mother*cker. But please stop beating yourself up because you haven’t yet landed the perfect gig, or even figured out what exactly that would look like. (Although if this describes you, you should definitely give When’s Happy Hour a read.)
And here’s a secret no one on Instagram will tell you. It’s okay to not be totally obsessed with your job. It’s okay to want a life that isn’t only about the hustle/grind/whatever people are calling their 24/7 jobs these days. You do not have to wake up on Monday mornings eager to “get that bread” if you are happier working a moderately fulfilling 9-to-5 and spending the rest of your time with your loved ones. The world will not end, and you are not a bad person.
Feeling Only Okay About Your Body
This will all be thematically similar to the last section, so I’ll keep it (kind of) brief. On Instagram, everyone either has a perfect body, is a “Before” rigorously working toward an “After,” or is making a “bold” and “courageous” statement by weighing more than 98 pounds and being happy that way. Like with your job, if your body makes you actively unhappy then I absolutely encourage you to do something about it. But I also encourage you to think critically about that question. In a world without Instagram, would you be unhappy about your body? Does your body affect how you view yourself every second of every day, or only after you’ve scrolled through your feed? What makes you happier: a warm chocolate-chip cookie, or a DM request from a “promoter” with 200 followers after you post a selfie in a crop top?
Now, I’m also not saying that wanting to lose weight or achieve new fitness goals or whatever is always bad/shallow/for the ‘Gram, but just because we all live our lives on the Internet doesn’t mean we all have to look like swimsuit models. And being a work-in-progress—or just accepting that your body will never be the best, most accomplished, most celebrated thing about you is totally fine. Staring at your body every night and hating yourself about it? Not f*cking fine at all.
Not Having A Go-To “Squad”
This is really for my post-college and beyond readers. In college, you’re surrounded exclusively by people of your own age and every article targeted at you is about the trials and tribulations of the group chat. Pre-gaming is basically a sacred ritual, and the bi-weekly group shot causes more drama than a season of Riverdale. Post-college, you find out a few things about those girl groups. Like that half of them have terrible personalities, drinking problems, or a b*tchy streak that used to be cute and aged poorly. Regardless, I often find myself feeling guilty when I see articles memes referencing a group chat that I no longer have. Or wondering when I became such a loser that my birthday dinner was under 20 people.
But here’s the thing: I have never loved my friends more than I do at this stage in my life. Genuinely. The friends that I have are people who I know I can rely on, who I can talk to about anything, and who I personally consider to the coolest, smartest, and funniest people on this f*cking earth. Do I wish more of them lived in the same city, knew each other, and regularly attended Sex and the City style brunches with me? You bet I do! But I’m way over befriending a group of people I don’t really have much to say to—just so I can stop feeling guilty and lame when I see pics of Kendall Jenner’s girl squad.
This is the only squad that ever mattered anyway:
Taking A While To Orgasm
Okay I’ll be real. This was the first category I thought of, and the one I was most eager to write. (It is also directed primarily at the ladies, to be clear.) It is about to be 2019, and I am thoroughly over people feeling guilty or ashamed of taking longer to orgasm. The planet is dying, our President is a moron, and society is so fragile that a change to Instagram’s swiping feature literally almost killed us. It’s the f*cking apocalypse, and women all over the world are still faking it or saying “I’m good” when they are not good because…Honestly, because of what? Sure, you’re asking your partner to do more work. But that’s not a problem when you’re asking them to go in for the 300th pic of you in front of some wall art, so why is it a problem in the bedroom?
More likely, it’s because men have systemically engrained the idea that women don’t really need to orgasm in order for sex to be finished, so it feels bad or overly vulnerable to ask for it. But like so many things men have said over the years, this was a bad and wrong idea. Women of the world, repeat after me: sex takes as long as it takes you to finish. (Sound selfish? Too bad. Men and women alike have been saying it about men since the dawn of time.) You should never, ever feel guilty that it takes you a while—like putting pizza rolls in the oven vs. the microwave, the better product just takes more time. Let 2019 be the year of no longer accepting things just because men have been calling them true for centuries—the world will be a much better place for it.
I hope you got some joy out of this article—it truly felt cleansing to write it. I want to reiterate that “not feeling guilty” does not equate to “not doing anything about it.” You have the same goals and the same drive whether or not you make yourself feel like sh*t about where you are. This year, give yourself the gift of not feeling guilty about where you are in life. If hating on yourself burned calories, earned money, or gave us orgasms, we’d all have perfect lives. But it doesn’t, and we don’t, and guess what? It’s f*cking fine. Happy new year!!!
Images: Giphy (4); Unsplash / Leighann Renee
A job interview is your one opportunity to get a real understanding of what your future place of work will be like. Maybe you peek around the corner while you’re walking to the interview room, checking to see if people at the office look like they are functioning members of society, or at the very least, if there are free snacks in the kitchen.
Because this only gives you like, two seconds to scout out where you could be spending
literally all your time 9-5, you should probably ask some questions during your interview. At the very least, maybe you can figure out if you’re going to get gray hairs from the stress of working at this salt mine start-up. Or if you’ll be BFFs with your co-workers going to SoulCycle during lunch. Let’s hope for the latter.
Half the time during an interview, questions come at the end. You’ve already spent the last hour answering things like, “tell me about yourself” aka “what the f*ck have you done with your life” and “why do you want to work here” aka “what kind of answers can you come up with, besides the fact that you need the money for rent?” Still, mustering up some sort of energy to show interest will show Susan from HR that you’re the super boss betch we both know you are. And even if you don’t care to find out about the company culture (weird) you like, have to ask questions at the end because you’ll look bad if you have nothing to ask. Here Are the top five questions to ask during an interview. And for more career advice, order our third book, When’s Happy Hour? How To Work Hard So You Can Hardly Work, out now.
1. What Is This Position’s Day-To-Day Like?
This is one of the best questions to ask during an interview to give you a picture of what this job will actually be like. Everyone prefers a different working style. Some love to be social, on the phone all day selling to customers. Others prefer to have their favorite podcast on while diving all analytically into a spreadsheet. Either way, we are modern women knowing what we want. Although some jobs may have a bit of both, understanding what you’re actually going to be doing all day will help you avoid wanting to gauge your eyes out with the pink pen you bought from Paper Source.
2. Who Is Your Ideal Candidate For The Role?
You know that moment at sample sale where you find a f*cking expensive purse at half price? That’s what this question is to you. Gold. Literal gold. Here’s why: this question gives you the opportunity to understand exactly what the hiring manager is looking for in a role. You can then respond with something like, “I love that you mentioned x, y and z capabilities because I feel like my skills really align due to blah blah blah”. This question basically gives you the opportunity to say you are perfect for the job, while using the same language the interviewer is using.
If you only have time to ask one question during an interview, honestly, ask this one. It won’t let you down.
3. What Are The Main Challenges For Someone In This Role And This Industry?
I’m basically just giving you questions to ask during an interview to understand what you will f*cking hate about your job. JK, we’re supposed to *want* to be challenged right?! Rise up to the top and sh*t?!
Understanding what hardships you will face in your job (even if it’s just remembering other people’s complicated af Starbucks orders) will help you decide if this role is even right for you. I know you are desperate to buy those new winter booties (me too), but interviewing should be a two-way street! It’s not all about the money—you really want to think if you’ll be happy in this role, or if you’ll be job hunting in three months because you hate your life.
4. What Is Your Management Style Like?
Have you ever heard the quote, “people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”? It’s something I wholeheartedly believe. You could be in your dream job, but if you don’t jive with your manager, you will feel more trapped than Kendall Jenner at Fyre Festival. Whether a manager is micro, macro, or just psycho, this question should give you the opportunity to see if whether or not you’re going to be a corporate slave who’s literally never been out of work in time for happy hour.
5. Do You Have Any Reservations With Me Moving Forward In The Process?
TBH, I’m actually a crazy person and usually leave a takeaway during the job interview. At the very least, ask this question to understand any concerns the interviewer has about moving forward. This ALSO gives you an opportunity to get feedback and know how long you’ll have to wait to see if you got the gig (which I’m sure you did, you baller, you).
If your interviewer does have reservations, take this time to politely object and share that you’d love to learn about any skills you don’t already possess. You know, personal growth and sh*t.
Finally, you should ask about the next steps in the process, this way you’re not harassing the recruiter every week when you haven’t heard back. This will also make you sound eager to move forward, but like, in a good way.
Questions give you the chance to listen and reply back with more information on why you will rock the f*ck out of this job. Answer thoughtfully while listening carefully and you’ll slay your interview so hard, the interviewer won’t even know what hit them. Now who’s ready for happy hour?! Tequila shots on me.
For more career advice, order our book When’s Happy Hour?, out now!
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2)
For more amazing career advice, buy our third book, When’s Happy Hour?
2018 is the time where it’s f*cking cool to be a woman who’s killing it in her field of expertise and living her life. There is no better example of that than Dr. Lara Devgan, a board certified plastic surgeon, the Chief Medical Officer for Real Self, CEO of Scientific Beauty and oh, a mom of six. Casual. Dr. Devgan shared her best tips for work-life balance with us on our When’s Happy Hour podcast. Here are some of her top tricks for getting ahead in your career and living your best life.
Work Hard And Be Patient
Being an “overnight success” is not a real thing. Even Kim K had to work for years to get from sex tape status to cover of Vogue. Dr. Devgan loves the saying that “every overnight sensation is a decade in the making.” You need to be dedicated and patient, because success does not come all at once, especially for us ladies. “As a woman in a male-dominated field, you’re working twice as hard to prove yourself and maybe getting half the credit,” Dr. Devgan explains. She also says that 90% of plastic surgery clients are female, and 90% of plastic surgeons are male. So obviously that’s daunting and not fair. But that’s life. And no one can change it but you. “If you work really hard you’ll be able to change the paradigms that are holding you back,” says Dr. Devgan. If you don’t like the game, change the rules yourself. Besides, Nice Girls never make history.
It’s Okay To Not Have It All
Even someone as successful as Dr. Devgan doesn’t see herself as someone who has it all. In fact, she thinks it’s a totally false concept. “You don’t have it all every minute of your life.” She explains. “You have the things you need overall, but some more at certain times and others more at other times.” Too often, the media makes us think “having it all” comes in this cute little Tiffany box your husband leaves on your bedside table after a hard work week. Like, no. The real world is not black and white. Most women are living between in the grey area of being a supermom and a killer career woman. “The way I reconcile it is that my kids are getting something out of seeing me working. They’re learning things by observing me,” says Dr. Devgan. So, you don’t just get to have everything. As Britney says, you better work, betch.
But Know That You Can Be Beautiful And Intelligent
There’s a lot of stigma around Dr. Devgan’s field, but she wants every woman to know, “You can be a person of substance and also care about your appearance. Beauty is not a zero-sum game.” Just because you want to be a CEO doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to care about how you look. Society likes to demand us to look a certain way, but then shame those who try to achieve that. Like, what’s wrong with Bella Hadid getting a nose job? There’s legit no winning, so you need to do what makes you feel best. If getting a breast reduction makes you feel beautiful, go for it. Just make sure you do it for you, not the guy in your office who suggested you get some Botox. If you want to be a boss, you have to have confidence. And it’s great to have confidence in the way you look. If you have the ability to change something you don’t like about yourself, go for it.
For more career advice, order our book, When’s Happy Hour?, and check out our When’s Happy Hour podcast. To follow up on Dr. Devgan’s astonishing life, follow her on Instagram.
Images: Giphy (3)
So, you wake up one day and realize you’re not in college anymore and off daddy’s bankroll—now what? You actually have to start your life and be a functioning member of society. That’s f*cking terrifying. Jumping into the work world can seem super intimidating… because it is. But you’re a badass betch—you just need to get your sh*t together. To help you, we had Ryan Serhant chat with us on our When’s Happy Hour podcast. Here are his top tricks for being successful even when you don’t know sh*t. And for more advice on how to be successful, pre-order our third book, When’s Happy Hour?, out October 23rd.
Okay so that sounds really cheesy and something you’d find on a freshman dorm wall, but like, this actually works in the context of selling products or yourself. Ryan notes that a lot of people like to wear the “salesman (or woman, it’s 2018) mask”, but that legit never works. Try and actually make a human connection by being your who you actually are (deep). Introduce yourself to the person, ask how they’re doing, and compliment them (cause who doesn’t like a compliment). Ryan always says, “No one likes to be sold, but everybody loves to go shopping with a friend.” When was the last time you bought something from that creepy guy who stalked you around the shelves of Nordstrom’s? Never. Be friendly and normal-ish, even if it kills you.
Ryan is stunning, so he hardly ever feels insecure—but would you know when he was? Even if you wake up in the morning feeling like hot garbage, you can’t let anyone know that. “Some people are just good at not showing —and those are the most attractive people because they don’t give a sh*t,” Ryan explains. Another sexy factor? Being smart. Ryan tells us, “Knowledge is the sexiest thing about anybody.” Let me backtrack, though—make sure you’re knowledgeable about your industry. Like, it’s not going to help if you know a sh*t ton about how to roll a joint when you’re working for an investment banking firm.
Do Your Research
Being smart also doesn’t come from just sitting on your ass, drinking wine, and petting your dog (I wish). You have to actually put an effort in. Ryan says that’s what can really get you ahead in your career: “you just have to do the work, which most people don’t want to do.” People in the industry for 10 years longer than you rely on their experience, which you clearly don’t have, so you have to work twice as f*cking hard to show them up. Research everything you could possibly need to know about the product you’re selling or place you’re interviewing for. You never want to be stuck on a question or have to think about it. Your ability to be smart AF and whip out the facts faster than you whip out rosé on a Friday will make people trust you.
Learn To Network
Okay just seeing the word “network” makes me slightly vomit in my mouth. But you kind of have to suck it up and do it. Ryan assures us, though, it’s not as scary as you think. His favorite method for reaching out to people is through social media (duh). “If there’s a client or developer I want to meet, I don’t just go through email. I follow them on Twitter or DM them through Instagram, or see what they’re doing on Facebook,” Ryan says. Once you’ve found someone you’re interested in learning from, send them a nice message and keep it professional. Tell them you’re a fan of their work, pat the ego. Offer to buy them coffee to ask them a few questions. They might be rich, but who doesn’t love free sh*t? Point is: kiss their ass and prove you’re worth their time, bringing us to our next point…
Always Offer Something Of Value
If you’re meeting with a potential client or boss or asking for a raise, make sure you have something to offer. Yeah, you can say you work hard, but that’s like, what you’re actually supposed to do. You’re not meant to pass out on a Tuesday at your desk, Jennifer. Tell them how great you are at what you do and share your experiences, but keep it to strictly work experiences. A huge pet peeve of Ryan’s is when someone tries to get their way with a sob story. Nobody f*cking cares. Negotiating by making it about yourself on diminishes the value of your work.
For more tips on how to f*cking kill it in the work world, listen to our When’s Happy Hour podcast below!
And pre-order our book, conveniently also titled When’s Happy Hour. For more of Ryan, check out his new show Sell It Like Serhant.
Want more honest career advice? Pre-order our third book, When’s Happy Hour!
The feeling of finally getting a job interview is pretty f*cking exciting. Someone has finally noticed you out of the stacks of
attempted IG models hungry applicants and you are well on your way to a life of $5 Starbucks drinks and being able to renew your Netflix subscription. Literally, I was worried for you.
It’s been all fun and games while you’ve been submitting your resume, until you realize you actually have to have an adult conversation and ask about your potential salary during the process.
Even though you want to be as ballsy as Ellen Pompeo negotiating that $20 mill, the reality is that most employers have tons of applicants to choose from. Sounding all high and mighty about how much you *deserve* to be paid could land you calling your parents asking for help on this month’s rent check.
Employers know that the novelty of money spent on PSLs fades. IMO, most truly want someone who wants to be there. Partially because they’ll probably work harder, and because no one wants to have to deal with a negative Nancy in the cubicle over.
We all know that you, the betchiest queen betch out there, deserves more dough than the bagel shop on your street, but how the f*ck are you supposed to ask about salary without sounding like a total prick?!
Don’t Make It About the Money
As much as you believe you are
Lord Disick Beyoncé a really rad betch, no one wants to hire someone who is only there for the paycheck. Even if you are (that can be our little secret).
Before you ever talk about money with an employer, make sure to sell the sh*t out of why you want the job. You can even throw a line in like, “Working here would align with my career goals and above all, I’m most excited about the opportunity. I’m sure we can agree on something within your range”.
You really want the employer to know that when you do have the money talk, you are interested in the job, and not JUST the paycheck.
Wait To Bring It Up
In an ideal world, you would not bring up the money topic first. This is not some DTR conversation where you are trying to be a modern woman. Let the employers take the lead here.
If you are absolutely in a bind and need to know how much a job pays before moving forward—I get it. I spent too much at the Nordstrom anniversary sale this year, too. Try waiting until at least the second interaction to bring this up. When you do, phrase it as a question and ask who you can chat with about salaries.
A company doesn’t want to go through the hassle of interviewing you and then not being able to hire you for something as simple as money (apparently time is precious). I’ve personally found that most ask about it right away.
Always Ask About “The Range”
Regardless of the way money is brought up, you want to be as in control of the conversation as Taylor Swift is of her narrative. This means giving yourself the opportunity to
make f*cking bank negotiate with the hiring team.
The trick is to ask about the range for the position. Whichever way salary is brought up, always ALWAYS respond by asking if there is a range. It’s worth it for you to ask about salary this way because you avoid the possibility of pigeonholing yourself into a higher or lower number than the company had in mind. Besides, no one likes a pigeonhole.
Figure Out If You Can Afford To Take The Job
You’ve had the most adult conversation there ever was and chatted money with an employer (mom will be so proud when she hears this). There are two scenarios that could happen when you hear their salary range…
It’s great and you officially look like that emoji with dollar signs for eyes. The aforementioned range is way higher than you were going to ask for. Instead of low-balling yourself, you took our advice (you’re welcome, BTW) and say, “I think we can agree on something within that range.” Or…
It’s so low you actually feel like the weight of gravity on your shoulders. You’re stressing because you are probably not going to be able to afford the Barbie dream house you’ve always wanted by selling Fit Tea on Instagram. Basically, you need this job, but the pay sucks.
It’s completely acceptable to say you were expecting something higher. If you do, make sure to pair it with a reason, such as “this role is significantly more responsibility than my last, I was expecting to be compensated for that change” OR “I was looking for something closer to X and I believe my background matches that request.”
Only Negotiate If You Are Willing to Take the Job
This is the moment where I tell you not to be a total asshole. If you ask for a higher salary and it’s given to you—take the f*cking job.
All industries are small. Hell, I meet people all the time that are literally coming back from my past. So play the money game respectfully when it comes to asking for more. You should absolutely ask for more. Just don’t have someone fight for more money for you, only to then turn down what you asked for.
Basically, be a greedy betch without being a greedy b*tch. Kapesh?!
… And you’re off. You can officially start winning the bread for your 300 square foot apartment while polishing the crown for the queen we both know you are. It will be no time until you are sitting in that corner office mentoring some baby betch on how she can talk about salary during a job interview.
Before I officially vom from all this inspirational sh*t, don’t forget to pre-order our THIRD book, When’s Happy Hour? now! It’s all the real career advice you won’t get from like, your guidance counselor.
Want more honest career advice? Pre-order our third book, When’s Happy Hour!
Images: Unsplash/Brooke Lark; Giphy (3)