Because I have no faith in committing to bettering myself for an entire year, New Year’s resolutions aren’t really my thing, but for those of you who vowed to improve your lives by like, going to the gym and ~traveling,~ you’re probably excited for the first official weekend of 2020. This horoscope is for you guys. If you need some guidance on how to start the new decade, look no further. According to yearly-horoscope.com, “2020 will be a year when all the zodiac signs will be able to take advantage of a new beginning, both in their personal life and financially.” Lol, could this be a little less specific? Can’t wait for what’s to come!

Aries

Aries likes to be number one at everything they do, so you guys are def fans of making New Year’s resolutions, because doing so just gives you an opportunity to meet a goal. Overachievers like you may be annoying as hell to those around you, but you don’t give a f*ck because you’re here to win. This weekend, you’ll spend your days making spreadsheets of your five-year plan and spend your nights telling people about them. You’ll want to get your life on track this weekend so you know what to expect for the year ahead, but don’t spend too much time on this because, if our government has taught us anything, it’s that all plans fall apart rather quickly. Use this opportunity to be a little more adventurous, ya know? Explore a new neighborhood at the very least.

Taurus

From both the internet and my Taurus friends, I’ve learned that Tauruses “enjoy relaxing in serene, bucolic environments surrounded by soft sounds, soothing aromas, and succulent flavors.” Wow, deep. Anyway, even though Tauruses are described like literal babies, they’re nothing if not down for whatever, so take a seat and let your friends do the planning this weekend. Expensive dinner? Sure. Stay in with a bottle of Pinot? Sounds delicious. Go out until 5am? Fine, whatever. Take this time to mute your group chat until someone puts forth a time and place, then just meet everyone there. You do you, Taurus.

Gemini

Geminis are impulsive, nosy, and intelligent creatures who like to know everything about what everyone’s doing. You check everyone’s Instagram stories not because you love them, but rather, because you want to know where everyone is so you can make an educated decision on where you’ll be posted up. Geminis can’t be tied down, so maybe don’t meet up with the guy who spent your whole first date telling you how much you’d love his parents. Stick with Mr. Right Now this weekend, because starting a new decade in a will-we-won’t-we war just doesn’t sound like your cup of tea.

Cancer

Anyone under this sign may claim to be psychic, because Cancers are famous for being able to pick up on various energies. OMG, it’s like they have a fifth sense! I mean, picking up on energies is a fancy way of saying you can read a room, so congratulations on not completely lacking empathy. You’ve been going hard all damn year, so take this weekend to chill with friends. Nothing crazy or expensive. Maybe invite your friends over for a potluck dinner where all you have to provide is the table and your friends bring everything else. 

Leo

Leos are known for being theatrical, and they think of themselves as kings and queens. Honestly, I was born into the wrong sign, I think. Anyway, Leos are happy to be the loudest in the room and love to have all eyes on them. If you’re a Leo, this weekend take your quieter, more subdued friends out on the town where you can drink and dance until you can’t no more. This is your time to start the new year with a f*cking bang, so throw on a blue wig and go to an underground salsa club, or slip into your finest and end up at a 5-star hotel bar, the night is yours to own. 

Virgo

I am a Virgo and I proudly fit into the little box presented to me: Virgos have a deep-rooted presence in the material world. Yeah, sounds about right. Obviously, there are a lot of more down-to-earth qualities Virgos possess, but none that relate to this weekend specifically. Go shopping this weekend. You just got paid, so spend that hard-earned cheddar on that pair of boots you’ve wanted since last summer, then take them for a little walk around your favorite bar. If you’re really feeling yourself then be bold and invite the guy you’ve been seeing for a little while. It’s time for him to finally meet your friends already. 

Libra

It is my personal belief that all Libras change their names to something like Juliana and become yoga instructors, because Libras are obsessed with balance and harmony. Right on, I guess? So start the year on a good note and find your center. Whether that means hot yoga, vegan pizza, and an early night, or a romantic dinner date with your SO, do you. You won’t be persuaded to join your friends for an all-night banger, so maybe just put your phone on do not disturb until the weekend is up. That seems like something Libras would do anyway. 

Scorpio

Scorpios are as passionate as they are emotional, so maybe do yourself a favor and take it easy this weekend. By going out, you’re just setting yourself up to get in a fight with your boyfriend and regret the whole thing the next day. Instead of going out, keep it casual and invite everyone over for wine and cheese. I mean, everyone likes wine and cheese, right? What could go wrong?

Sagittarius

You guys don’t do anything unless you’ll learn something from it. You’d make my dad so proud! You’re pretty much up for anything, so if the crew wants to go out, join them! When you drunkenly text your ex 87 times, you’ll learn a valuable lesson that will keep you on an upward trajectory. You generally don’t regret anything (like, anything) because you’re always on an educational path that is leading you in the right direction. So if you want to crush the last of the bottle, do it!

Capricorn

Capricorn is represented by the sea goat, a mythological creature with the body of a goat and tail of a fish. Wow, swipe right! The significance of the sexy dual-creature situation is that Capricorns are good at navigating physical and emotional realms, which makes you an ideal friend in situations like “What should we do tonight?” You’re the decision-maker and your friends are grateful for you. This weekend, see how you feel before setting the plan in motion. If you want to go out, do it. If you’d rather stay in, your peeps are down. The weekend is your oyster. 

Aquarius

You guys are assertive and independent, so if your friends are all tired from their NYE parties, but you want to go out, you’ll do it. Grab a small group of your friends and head to your favorite bar to see where the night takes you. It may even take you to uncharted territory, but since you’re such an explorer, you’re okay with that. Maybe you’ll even meet someone who strikes your fancy along the way. Sold!

Pisces

Generally, Pisces have a little trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy, but you don’t really care. Managing expectations is not something at which you’re particularly skilled, but if fantasizing that the sh*tty college bar your friends dragged you to will end with your long-time boyfriend finally proposing, more power to you. You see the best in everything, so you tend to be happy to do whatever the crew wants to do. Just go with the flow and wear something cute, because you never know what’s going to happen! 

Images: Giphy (12)

It may be hard to believe given the fact that you’re probably just now surfacing from a food- and alcohol-induced coma, but there’s magic in the air this weekend. The Sun and Jupiter both enter Capricorn today, a union that only takes place once every 12 years, which means that for the next two days, anything could happen. Yes, maybe even getting off your parent’s couch and eating a vegetable, but let’s not get too crazy.

Aries

This weekend is brining good news, Aries. Let’s just say that some long-awaited things will finally be coming to fruition, and it’s all down to your hard work and borderline obsessive dedication. Whatever, the ends justify the means, right? This could be a small-scale achievement or something that’s been a long time in the making, so make sure you celebrate accordingly!

Taurus

This weekend is the perfect time to pursue any passions or adventures that you’ve been holding yourself back from, Taurus. You’ll find yourself not only acutely motivated to get after them, but suddenly with the means of doing so as well. Don’t waste this opportunity! It’s time to, dare I say, take the bull by the horns (I know, I’m sorry).

Gemini

This is a weekend for bold moves, Gemini. You’ve had something to say for a while now and have been uncharacteristically quiet about it. Well guess what? NOT ANYMORE. Arm yourself with your favorite form of liquid courage and then make your voice heard. It’s the holidays, so you don’t need to worry about the ramifications until next week.

Cancer

The union of Jupiter and the Sun is going to give you that extra boost of courage to start making moves, Cancer. If there are things being left unsaid, or relationships that could use a little definition, this is the weekend for getting after it. Your typical aversion to change will be nowhere in sight for the next two days, so don’t be afraid to go big.

Leo

If there’s anything about your life that you’ve been unsatisfied with, Leo, this is the weekend for tackling it. For the next few days you’re going to find yourself dedicated to making changes, be they personal, environmental, or physical, and there’s a good chance they’ll actually stick. Don’t be afraid to take a good look at your life (almost impossible to do this time of year, I know) and figure out which parts of it you’re unhappy with. Does this almost sound like a New Year’s resolution? Well, yeah. But just less cliche.

Virgo

It’s time to start repping yourself, Virgo. You’ve been working hard—on your career, on your relationships, on yourself—and it’s time that people started recognizing it. You don’t need some big occasion to showcase how great you are, just get out there and let the people know what you’ve been up to. Recognition is an important step in the process, and well-deserved at this point.

Libra

This weekend you’ll find yourself wanting to connect with family and friends. Don’t fight it! That’s literally what the holidays are for! Don’t feel guilty shirking social responsibilities in lieu of kicking back with the people you care about, and likely don’t get to see as often. There’s nothing quite so soothing as looking like a total bum on your parents’ couch, watching movies and eating food that your normal self wouldn’t be caught dead even looking at. Soak it all in! This doesn’t happen all that often.

Scorpio

Your weekend forecast shows 100% chance of functional communication, Scorpio. Maybe not the outlook you were hoping for, but one that is very much needed. Spend the next couple days getting things off your chest, that way you can go into the new year with a clear conscious and substantially less baggage. It may not always be the easiest route, but it’s the one that will have you feeling better in the long run.

Sagittarius

You hear that, Sagittarius? It’s the sweet dulcet tones of you spending a bunch of money this weekend. Those post-Christmas sales won’t know what hit them. You’ve done a great job of being financially responsible this year (for the most part), so what better way to celebrate than getting out there and spending all that holiday cash? Don’t feel guilty—you deserve a treat now and then, too.

Capricorn

Get ready, Capricorn, because this weekend you’re going to go against all your instincts and do the one thing you truly hate doing: take a risk. We promise, it’s going to be okay. The Sun and Jupiter moving into Capricorn is going to have you feeling like luck is on your side, and it’s time to finally make those bold moves you’ve been secretly plotting for months. You’ve thought about it, dreamt about it, spent an outrageous amount of time strategizing around it, which just leaves one thing left: doing it.

Aquarius

This weekend is about you, Aquarius. That’s it. The only things you need to concern yourself with the next 72 hours is what you want, what you need, and what position you’re most comfortable in pursuing those two things. The new year and all the stress that comes with it is right around the corner, so hold onto this last bit of 2019 and use it to rest before real life kicks back in.

Pisces

The Sun and Jupiter entering Capricorn has fostered the perfect environment to get the gang back together. You’re feeling social, you’re feeling nostalgic, and you’re feeling like maybe getting day drunk—so call up your friends and make it happen! Being an adult means that these kind of reunions don’t get to happen as often as we’d like, so take advantage of the downtime and relive your college years—you know, when you just hung out on a couch with your friends all day and worried about literally nothing. Ah, youth.

Images: Giphy (12)

They say summer is the best season to fall in love, but I beg to differ. See, what most people don’t realize is, the weather is a major game-changer. It can truly make or break your sizzling love affair. One thing’s for sure: When the temperature drops, our panties follow mother nature’s lead. It’s inevitable. Cupid always makes a cryptic cameo once the fall and winter roll around, which is why this time of year is often referred to as “cuffing season.” People aren’t just looking to just get it in during cuffing season. On the contrary, they are looking to get cuffed… in every sense of the word. Do yourself a favor and test your luck during the next cold front. 

So what will cuffing season bring for you? Thotumn, a real relationship, all of the above? These are your cuffing season horoscopes:

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Don’t air out your dirty laundry just yet, Leo. Try to keep some things to yourself—especially while texting your crush. Seriously, you’re going to have to put those jealous claws away before you scare them off. Sit tight, though. The real fun will begin once Sagittarius season (November 22) rolls around. That is, if you put your ego away, of course. 

Virgo

Bask in the pleasures of life, Virgo. Single and ready to mingle? You’ll be craving the finer things and indulging in your comfort for the majority of October. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a mental health day, it’s important that you put your picture-perfect checklist away before you let something good go to waste. After all, there’s no such thing as perfect, you know.

Libra

You’re in love with love, Libra. Your birthday season will be swirling with romance, and you’ll be feeling as irresistible as ever. Then again, when are you not adorably charming? Let your crush wine and dine you this season, especially once November rolls around. The sun will be shaking up your pleasure-seeking second house of money, and if you’re not splurging at the mall, you might as well let someone worship you.

Scorpio

Trick or treat, Scorpio. Cuffing season has your name written all over it, because who are we kidding? You know a thing or two about those autumn and winter nights. Lana Del Rey song or not…mid-October and November will be sizzling with passion, and your crush(es) won’t able to resist your sultry poker face. Quit playing games with their hearts, Scorpio. Karma is a messy bitch who lives for drama.

Sagittarius

Don’t be afraid to take the unconventional route, Sagittarius. Your social life will be lit in October, so decide whether or not you want to keep people “friend-zoned,” or if you think they deserve that holiday hall pass. As cliche as this sounds, having a friend with benefits is very likely during this time. The good news is, you’ll most likely keep it a secret, given November’s rather cryptic astrology transits.

Capricorn

Try taking a walk on the wild side, Capricorn. Trust me when I tell you, being uptight is not a good look for you. Just so you know, it’s not that there aren’t any opportunities for love this season, it’s that you’re usually too pragmatic to realize what’s right in front of you. I’m totally serious, too. Besides, with the sun beaming through your shady 12th house of secrets towards the end of November, no one will have to know. What do I mean by that, exactly? Go and get your secret love affair on, Capricorn. You’ll thank me later.

Aquarius

Is there TSA Pre for the mile-high club, Aquarius? OK, I’m kidding. Aside from charming your superiors to death this cuffing season, you could also be traveling for business more than usual during this time. What’s it going to be? Business or pleasure? Venturing into unknown territory is inevitable towards the beginning of October, so try to make it a good time. However, don’t do anything too crazy, because once November rolls around, you’ll be back in the spotlight.

Pisces

Despite your innate desire for intimacy and soul-to-soul connection, you’re also very guarded… even with your more serious partners. What are you afraid of, Pisces? I’m not saying you’re doomed this season, I am simply advising that you go with the flow. Although, one thing’s for sure: November will be an adventure. With the sun beaming through your expansive ninth house of travel, you might decide to take an impromptu vacation and perhaps meet someone along the way.

Images: Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Welcome to Virgo season—do you have your day planner ready? Virgo is a sign that is known for very much having its sh*t together, meaning this month is the perfect time to clean up the (literal) hot mess that has been your summer. Harness some of that old back-to-school energy and get your life in order for fall. And yes, buying a new fall wardrobe totally counts as “harnessing back-to-school energy.” Your bank account might hate you, but whatever. You’re welcome.

Aries

You’re finally ready to get back on the wellness train, Aries, so you’d better get caught up on the latest Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast (shameless plug). As the balls-to-the-wall Leo Season energy starts to give way to significantly more responsible Virgo, you’re finding yourself with the motivation to actually make it to that 6am yoga class, or to stay through the stretching at SoulCycle. Beyoncé thighs, here you come!

Taurus

Looks like you’re the responsible one. Again. This week you may find lots of friends, coworkers, and random ass people at the bar are relying on you for very basic sh*t. Annoying, I know, but at least it goes to show that the world sees you as someone who actually has it together. If only they knew the truth…

Gemini

Cuffing season starts now, Gemini, as Virgo season has you looking to stop f*cking around and just settle down already. You’re over playing the field, and ready for some lay-around-in-bed-all-day-watching-Office-reruns type of love. Aka the best type of love there is. Go out there and find it!

Cancer

Virgo season has transformed you from a social caterpillar into a social butterfly this week, Cancer, so make sure to take advantage of it. No event is too far. No happy hour too stressful. For one week, you are 100% that bitch who stays out late on a Tuesday and somehow keeps the party going ’til Friday. Don’t waste this opportunity to go hard as f*ck before summer ends, and please preemptively stock up on Pedialyte for Sunday.

Leo

Hate to tell you this Leo, but your season is coming to a close. I know, I know, every season is Leo season when you’re a Leo, but it’s Virgo’s time to shine. Use this as an opportunity to chill tf out for a sec, and to relax and recharge after a whole month of non-stop limelight. Basically, use this as an excuse to book yourself a massage.

Virgo

Welcome to your season, Virgo! Starting this Wednesday, everybody is going to want a piece of that Virgo glow. As you know, being popular is v fun, but it’s also v exhausting, so be sure you’re not burning the candle at both ends trying to give the masses what they want. Your fans—I mean friends—will love you no matter what.

Libra

You might want to send out a preliminary “I’m sorry” text right now, because for the next week you’re going to be that person who can’t stop talking about their dreams. Sorry, but it is how it is. Virgo season is supercharging your dream realm, and it’s going to be hard to keep all the crazy sh*t your brain is feeding you every night straight. Maybe invest in a dream journal?

Scorpio

What is that strange feeling, Scorpio? Is it…? Could it be…? You being opent to trying new things!?!? I thought I’d never see the day! The new season has you looking for new horizons, and for the first time in a while you’re ready to shake up the routine. Try that weird underwater kickboxing thing you saw on ClassPass. Hit up a new bar. Swipe right on someone with a f*ckton of gym selfies…actually don’t do that last one. Too risky.

Sagittarius

Virgo season is making you want to get sh*t done in your love life, Sag, whether you’re single or not. If you are single, take a look at your standards. Are you setting the bar too low in certain places? Too high in others? Plenty of people have made an Andriod-iPhone relationship work. Just sayin’. If you’re in a relationship, now is a really good time to start working on something with your partner, whether it be a business venture, project around the house, or just some cute ass cupcakes you saw on Pinterest that will inevitably turn out terrifying when you try to make them.

Capricorn

You’re looking to shake things up in your love life, Capricorn, and per usual, the only person you can rely on is yourself. Try making a date outside your usual bars/restaurants, or plan a last-minute romantic vacation before you don’t have summer Fridays to keep you sane anymore. Nobody has ever regretted a last minute beach trip.

Aquarius

Virgo season has you ready to go deep, Aquarius, so don’t be surprised if you temporarily become that chick at the bar asking everyone what they think happens after you die. You’re just in a mood. Honor your inner philosopher this week by starting a new book, watching an interesting documentary, or just doing something for yourself that feels spiritual. It’ll help stop you from hitting a vape pen and asking everyone if they believe in the Matrix later.

Pisces

You’re feeling veeery coupley this week Pisces, so be aware of getting too clingy with your partner. Sending an “I miss you!” text is cute once per day, not once per hour. Try to make plans for some quality time later in the week, so you’ll get the attention you crave without breaking into anyone’s apartment.

Images: Giphy (12)

It’s the motherf*cking weekend, and it’s time to submit to the stars and planets for whatever those jerks have in store for us! Whether you’re destined for love, fights with your mom, or attempts at reorganizing your closet by color and season again (literally impossible), here’s what you can expect from your horoscopes this weekend.

Leo

Everyone wants a piece of you, Leo. Someone on Friday finds you especially hot, so feel free to throw inhibitions to the wind and f*cking go for it. By Saturday, you’ll have completely switched gears and you’ll have finances and careers on the brain. Think about what you really want, then talk to daddy’s investor friends and see what they think.

Virgo

You and your SO are feeling uber connected this weekend, so go with it. Tackle something that proved difficult in the past on Saturday—like donating old sh*t or reorganizing your shared space. Come Sunday, the efforts will prove to have been really enlightening and uplifting. Plus, you’ll actually have room to have people over. Remember—the memories of you college-age “Live, Laugh, Love” sign can live on in your heart, but not so much on your bathroom wall.

Libra

You’re like, such a good person, Libra. You’ve spent the last few weeks being a kind caregiver, and this weekend it’ll pay off for you. So, yes, keep listening to your BFF go on about her tragic dating life while pounding rosé with her. Or tell your boss all of her ideas are like, so inspiring—even if they kinda aren’t. Continue connecting through Sunday, when a joint hiking trip or yoga class could lead to something super beneficial for you (other than great muscle definition).

Scorpio

You’re intriguing af, Scorpio, so embrace it this weekend—especially if you’re single. And with the week having been intense as it was, try to take Friday and Saturday as a chance to slam a few brewskis and chill tf out. Take Sunday to reset a bit, as you’ll feel kinda drained, and Monday always sucks enough on its own.

Sagittarius

Time to organize your sh*t, Sagittarius. You’ve had a super inspiring month so far, and focusing on re-organizing your closet, kitchen, and whatever else you’ve ignored at home this weekend will only continue the awesome trend. Be like Marie Kondo, and “love mess.” Also, communication is key this weekend, so whether you’re arguing with your SO about where to go to dinner on Friday night or debating sending a mean email in time for work on Monday, remember to be clear in your messaging.

Capricorn

Rinse and repeat, Capricorn. You’ve been kind of, er, intense in the romance department lately, so it may be a good opportunity to take the weekend and reset. There isn’t anything wrong with you; the planets are just, like, f*cking your emotions up. Heading to see a decent band play on Friday or Saturday night can help drown out the many, many voices in your head.

Aquarius

Get your sh*t together, Aquarius. You’ve been crazy intensely focused on those around you, and it’s time to flip the script this weekend. What do you want? Reassess both your emotional and financial needs and create a personal care plan, fam. It’s time to adult. On the subject of adulting, the full moon in your sign will have your sexy time skills TOP f*cking NOTCH, so grab a partner and f*cking go to town. I mean, there’s really nothing else to do, right?

Pisces

We’re on a f*cking rollercoaster, Pisces, and it isn’t all bad. Get ready for up and down emotions and romance Friday through Sunday. But you can totally get through it unscathed if you lean on friends and family for support. Plus, by Sunday, with a little kindness you’ll be able to inspire love and devotion payable to you. Foot rubs, massages, multi-course Mexican dinners, and more can be on the docket if you’re focused, nice, and patient with the people around you.

Aries

Become a picture of health, Aries, and it’ll pay off. This weekend, take a sec to focus on aligning your chakras or whatever, and less time on chugging mimosas and slamming tacos (shhhh, hush—there’s always next weekend for that). Hit up the gym, go for a run, or actually just try to like, go outside at some point. Plus, by focusing on your own mental and physical health Friday and Saturday, you’ll be ready to lend an emotionally helping hand to a friend going through some sh*t on Sunday.

Taurus

Everything is so f*cking awesome this weekend that it’s likely to scare you, Taurus. But don’t get weird about it. This new view on everything being amazing will help lift up others around you that may be kind of in the dumps. Plus, Uranus and the full moon this past Thursday lined some sh*t up to make for a social and fortunate weekend, so get out and do something like brunch with betches or a group outing.

Gemini

Friends and gifts make for a fruitful weekend, Gemini. A coworker or close confidante could be gifting you with information that’ll come in handy at work on Monday, or in your after-work social circles. Don’t go overboard with your new knowledge, and remember: Spider-Man always told us that with great power comes great responsibility. The full moon in Aquarius will make social situations super fun Friday through Sunday, so don’t cancel plans. You could meet someone, like, actually worth your time.

Cancer

Follow your gut, Cancer, especially on Saturday. It could lead you to fun, romantic, and weird-but-chill times. Your SO may be extra antsy to achieve his or her own goals this weekend, so it could be a stellar opportunity to bring up that house project they haven’t finished yet. Remember to try and be a guiding force and not a naggy, mean one. K? If you’re single, treat yourself to a spa weekend then head out on the town. Uranus is making you look like an extra amazing snack on Friday and Saturday, so f*cking own it.

Images: Giphy (12)

The Sun and Venus are hanging in the same House this week, meaning love is in the air for just about everyone. Whether you’re in a relationship, single, monogamous, monogamish, poly, or whatever the f*ck else guys say on dating apps to hide the fact that they’re cheating, this is your week to shine.

Aries

Looks like it’s time for a late-in-the-game summer romance! Venus and the Sun are both chilling in your fifth house of love, meaning Cupid is literally obsessed with you right now. Single Aries should keep an eye out for a special someone to appear in your life this week (and maybe carry an extra outfit in your bag just in case). If you’re already in a relationship, leave some free time for an impromptu date night followed by sex that makes you go, “Oh right yeah, this is why we’re dating.”

Taurus

Taurus is ruled by Venus, so the fact that the Sun and Venus are in the same House right now, is pretty f*cking good for you. Pay particular attention to your home life! This could be a good time to reconnect with your roommate(s), planning a little movie night or a house dinner. Just plan some way to acknowledge that you live in a space together. This counts double if your roommate is a cat.

Gemini

Venus is making you feisty as f*ck this week Gemini, but try to keep yourself a little bit in check. Basically, you’re going to have to pick your battles. Like, maybe refrain from losing your sh*t on the barista who spelled your friend’s name, but by all means do go hard on the guy who thinks he has to touch your lower back to get by you in a bar. He deserves whatever is coming to him.

Cancer

Put the credit card down, Cancer! The Sun and Venus are colliding in your second house of money and things, meaning you’re going to be seriously resisting the urge to splurge. Be sure to a do a gut check before heading to checkout and maybe even take a peek at your checking balance. The holidays will be here sooner than you think, and it’s really not acceptable to gift people macaroni art as an adult.

Leo

With the Sun and Venus in your sign this week, you are basically the star of your own rom-com right now. The chances are super high for a meet-cute this week, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself accidentally spilling coffee on a handsome stranger at your local cafe, getting your leash tangled with a handsome stranger at the dog park, or getting saved by a handsome stranger right before you’re hit by a bus. The handsome stranger in these scenarios are all Hugh Grant, btw.

Virgo

Can you stop working for one second, Virgo? The Sun and Venus are hanging out in your twelfth house of imagination, so it’s time to pick up one of those adult coloring books and go to f*cking town. Seriously. Close out every tab with an Excel spreadsheet in it and schedule in some unstructured play time. It works great for my two-year-old nephew.

Libra

The Sun and Venus are in your eleventh house of group activities this week, Libra, meaning it’s time to plan a motherf*cking group activity! Start a group chat with the 2-3 friends you know won’t flake last minute (there are only ever 2-3), and find something fun to do locally. A fun group dinner can make you feel like it’s a weekend right in the middle of the week! (Just don’t drink like it is…)

Scorpio

Time to step into the spotlight, Scorpio. Venus and the Sun are working together to super-charge your career, meaning something you’ve been working on for a long time behind the scenes may suddenly come to the forefront. Keep your eyes on the prize and remember to dress for the job you want, not the fitness class you want to try to attend after work.

Sagittarius

The Sun and Venus have you thinking to the future this week, and I’m not talking about whether or not you’ll get Postmates for dinner tonight (you will). I’m talking about the wayyy future, like ten-year plan future. Now is a good time to revisit and revise some of your long-term goals, so they match up with your vision of the future. Then when you’re Forbes’ latest self-made billionaire-turned-Oscar-winner-turned-America’s-Next-Top-Model you can go back in your notebook and see where the dream all began.

Capricorn

The Sun and Venus are in your eighth house of seduction, meaning you are likely to be either the seducer or the seduced. Very exciting! Lean into this romantic resurgence for as long as you can, before you go back to thinking rose petals are corny and love songs don’t make sense.

Aquarius

The Sun and Venus are in your House of partnerships this week, meaning single Aquarians might find that cuffing season has come a bit early. Ask yourself, are you falling in love with this person at the bar because they actually seem cool, or are you falling in love with them because they are physically in the same room as you. If the only thing you have in common is “liking movies”, maybe wait before drafting up the wedding hashtag.

Pisces

“Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.” – Shakespeare/Cher Horowitz. With the Sun and Venus in your House of service, you’re going to be suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of caring for your fellow man. You might even find yourself not minding when your sig o snags the rest of your fries (even though they just said they didn’t want any fries).

Images: Giphy (12)

This week, the Leo Sun is making trines (that’s a 120 degree angle for those of you won don’t have the time/energy/money to buy multiple astrology books) with both Jupiter and Venus, meaning sh*t is about to get real and emotional. Use this time of heightened emotions to get some sh*t off your chest. You’ll feel a whole lot better by the weekend if you do.

Aries

Throw caution to the wind this week Aries, because spontaneity is the name of the game as the Leo Sun interacts with Jupiter. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself sending a risky text, posting a no-filter selfie, or just saying f*ck it and going live on Instagram. Wait actually…don’t go live on Instagram. That sh*t is insane.

Taurus

Ya coulda had a bad bitch…somewhat committal. This is a big week for locking down your love life, whether it be by embracing the single life or by strengthening an existing relationship. This is the week to finally answer the “what ifs” in your romantic life, particularly the question, “what if I just block their number and never f*cking talk to them again?”

Gemini

Hmm how do I put this, Gemini? It’s time for you to stfu and listen for a change. Aaaand you’re already not listening. I get it. But with the Leo Sun interacting with Jupiter in your house of partnerships this week, you could really get some valuable knowledge if you just sit down and listen to others for a sec. Wait…where are you going?? Gemini, come back!! Did you even hear what I just said?

Cancer

Are you making things unnecessarily difficult for yourself? The answer is yes. This week, take time to simplify your f*cking life, whether it be by setting your alarm a little earlier so you no longer have to brush your teeth and put on socks at he same time, or by setting it a little later so you’re no longer falling asleep at your desk because Oprah said productive people wake up at 5am. I’m not sure if Oprah ever really said that, but regardless, we can’t all be Oprah. It’s impossible. Stop trying.

Leo

Your birthday month is still going strong, Leo, and the world knows it. Don’t be surprised if you receive some unexpected praise on a project you’ve been working on for months (at least someone noticed eventually), or if your skin finally starts responding to the 12-step-morning-and-night routine you adopted this summer. Career achievements and clear skin? I’d call you a bitch right now, but then you’d know I’m jealous.

Virgo

Your usually rational self is in for a tidal wave of emotion this week, with the Sun interacting with Jupiter in your compassion zone. Don’t be surprised if you’re the person crying in the corner of the bar this week, instead of the person silently judging them. But hey! They could be happy tears! Like maybe you saw a dog or something!

Libra

If you don’t typically identify as a people person (same), you will by the end of this week. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself suddenly loving your coworkers, or sending your friends long, emotional texts about how much you appreciate them. Just don’t go overboard and do something crazy like publicly forgive your ex. They don’t deserve it.

Scorpio

This week is all about money moves for you Scorpio. With the Leo Sun in your house of professional ambitions interacting with Jupiter in your money zone, meaning it’s time to get serious about your career. Where do you want to be in five years? Five days? Five minutes? Launch the next phase of your professional life now and you’ll be getting an assistant to fill your corner office mini-fridge with La Croix in no time.

Sagittarius

With Jupiter in your sign buddying up to the Sun in Leo, this is not the week to obey your inner filter. This is the week to say what you want, do what you want, and post what you want, regardless of whether the lighting is bad or it’s outside “peak hours.” You can work on whatever damage you’ve done to your reputation/life/relationships next week. This week just do you.

Capricorn

Why are you crying? Thank Jupiter and Venus. Suddenly, your ability to “power through” unsavory emotions is totally shot, and now you’re crying in a Trader Joe’s. Don’t worry. You’re not the first. Make peace with your heightened sensitivity this week and let those tears flow. You might actually feel better after.

Aquarius

Serious question…are you on molly? Because you’re feeling an emotional connection with just about everyone this week. Why? Because Venus and Jupiter are flooding your brain with endorphins. As we all know, endorphins make you happy, and sometimes happy people go to happy hour and end up declaring their undying love for a cute bartender they met five minutes ago. Just go with it.

Pisces

Lucky you, Pisces! Venus and Jupiter and sending some much-needed energy into your career, so maybe don’t use your lunch break to stare at your phone eating salad. Maximizing professional connections this week could lead to major career growth in the future so lean tf in! Also don’t forget to wear your favorite “Future CEO” look.