Divorce is tough, or so I’ve heard, but apparently when you’re a celebrity, you don’t have too much trouble bouncing back. It’s only been a couple weeks since the news broke that Brody Jenner and his wife Kaitlynn Carter are splitting up, but they’re both wasting no time seeing who else is out there. While Kaitlynn has been busy having a Hot Girl Summer moment in Italy with Miley Cyrus, her ex Brody is apparently also moving on with someone new. Hello, yes, I officially have whiplash.
According to TMZ, Brody has been spending a lot of time lately with Josie Canseco, a 22-year-old model who is the daughter of former baseball player Jose Canseco. Jose Canseco is most famous for doing a sh*tload of steroids, but if you DGAF about sports, you might remember him for spreading rumors about A-Rod cheating on Jennifer Lopez with his ex-wife Jessica. Basically, he’s a messy bitch who lives for drama. But back to Josie.
TMZ spoke to “sources familiar with the new pair,” who said that Brody and Josie “seem like a good match for now,” which sounds like a thinly-veiled way of saying “the sex is great but they’re not going to last.” This is unsurprising for a couple of reasons. First, Brody Jenner is just getting out of a marriage in which he seemed pretty miserable, so I’m not sure why he would want to commit to someone else so soon. Also, he’s 35 years old, which makes Josie Canseco 13 years younger than him. I’m not here to age shame, but I feel like Brody’s ideal type shouldn’t be someone who wasn’t legal to drink until last year when he could easily be her dad.
According to the TMZ sources, Brody and Josie met while he was on the press tour for The Hills: New Beginnings, and they were reportedly introduced by Frankie Delgado and Brandon Lee. This would make sense, because Brandon Lee is 23, so he and Josie probably knew each other from their days of using fake IDs to get into bars two whole years ago. Honestly, one of the weirdest things about the new Hills is the age difference between Brandon and everyone else, but it feels like the other guys in the group like hanging out with him to feel younger. With this in mind, it’s no surprise that Brody wants to date someone younger, and Josie Canseco is also like, very hot. Josie probably sees hanging out with Brody as a way to gain some clout, and he’s also still a regulation hottie too. I doubt these two are in it for the long haul, but who really cares at this point?
So let’s do a quick rundown of what’s going on with everyone involved. Brody and Kaitlynn split up, and now Brody is hanging out with Josie. Kaitlynn is hanging out with Miley, who just split up with Liam, who posted an emo sunset pic on Instagram and now I’m low-key concerned. I’m really trying to keep this all straight in my head, but it’s barely even worth it at this point. We’ll see if Josie and Brody pop up on each other’s Instagrams anytime soon, but I have a feeling that this is more of a “hanging and banging” type of situation than an Instagram official thing. Only time will tell!
Images: Shutterstock; josiecanseco / Instagram
On Saturday, the entire world went into a state of collective shock when we found out that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth had separated after less than a year of marriage. Though Miley and Liam have only been married for around eight months, their love story goes all the way back to 2009, so their most recent split feels like the end of an era. I mean, am I just not supposed to watch The Last Song anymore, or listen to “Wrecking Ball”? Somebody please advise.
Miley and Liam’s is one of the more unexpected celebrity breakups in recent memory, but Miley hasn’t been shy on social media since the news broke. In fact, she’s basically broadcast her entire Italian vacation, posting more than a dozen photos in the last two days. Obviously everyone experiences breakups differently, but Miley might be overdoing it a little with the posting. Let’s take a look at some of her most recent posts, and try to get a little more of an idea of what she’s going through. We’ll also talk about the situation with Brody Jenner’s ex Kaitlynn Carter, because I’m still not done processing it. Call me Marie Kondo, because I love mess.
Before any of us knew about the breakup news, Miley Cyrus kicked off her European vacation and Instagram spree with the above video of her dancing to Aaliyah’s “Rock The Boat.” It’s an amazing song choice, and Miley looks so great and carefree here. This is definitely a hot girl summer vibe, but little did we know that our perspective on this whole trip was about to change.
That video was from Friday, and on the same day, Kaitlynn Carter posted this photo of her and Miley on a boat, also with a caption about rocking the boat.
Boy, did 24 hours change the context of this photo. When I first saw that Kaitlynn was on vacation with Miley, my reaction was somewhere between “what the f*ck” and actually being impressed that Kaitlynn got this invite. On The Hills reboot, Kaitlynn is pretty insufferable, so it’s surprising that Miley would want to hang out with her enough to invite her to Italy, but hey, it’s not my life.
BUT THEN. On Saturday f*cking night, the news spread that Liam and Miley are done, and there were also photos of Miley and Kaitlynn making out. How am I doing? Not well, bitch! The breakup was already a lot to process, but the thought of Miley and Kaitlynn together is almost too much for me to handle. (Not at all influenced by the fact that I was definitely drunk when both pieces of news came in.) Maybe Kaitlynn is cool in real life and she just didn’t vibe with the crew on The Hills, but she still seems like such a random choice. Miley Cyrus is openly queer, so it’s not shocking that she’s making out with a woman, but this woman?
Then, the plot with Miley and Kaitlynn thickened, when Brody Jenner decided to insert himself in the narrative. He said “Watch out! Pics of Liam and I holding hands on the beach coming soon.” Obviously he’s joking, but I kind of love that he’s not shying away from getting involved here. He and Kaitlynn only split up a couple weeks ago, so there are a lot of moving pieces here.
Then, Miley jumped in with Brody, telling him to take a nap in his truck and cool off. At this point, I have fully no idea what’s going on here, but I’m glad to watch it all unfold.
We obviously don’t know what’s going on with Miley and Kaitlynn and Brody and everyone else right now, or whether Miley and Kaitlynn’s relationship is headed anywhere, but we do know that Miley has been busy on Instagram since the news of the split. She did a full photoshoot in whatever mansion she’s staying in, complete with this awkward Boomerang that I’m obsessed with:
She had no idea what to do with her leg, and it’s the most relatable she’s ever been. Whether or not Miley is in a good place emotionally right now, she’s definitely feeling herself on this vacation, and I’m happy about that. But to be honest, this is the kind of thing that a Real Housewife would post, and I would wonder if she was having a nervous breakdown. Miley’s other posts seem pretty coherent, but if she posts more stuff like this, I might be worried.
Miley also found a cool chair to pose in, and posted two different photos that are basically exactly the same. To be fair, in the caption of this one, she did warn us that we would be getting spammed, and I do appreciate the heads up. I would literally never mute her though, because I love myself, and these photos are getting me through the day.
After she was done with her castle photoshoot (same), Miley moved on to a mountain hike, of course in a crop top because god forbid that we forget she has the world’s most amazing body. In terms of the Instagram content, this is really my favorite portion of the trip so far. Not only is this location absolutely gorgeous, but the captions on these photos seem the most telling about what’s going on with her. This first one especially is pretty deep.
There’s a lot going on with this caption, and I’m not actually sure whether it’s about evolution, climate change, her breakup, or all of the above, but I’m into it. I’m not sure if the thing about the mountains being under water and connected to Africa is about Liam, but it could be. Who knows? She quotes her dad saying that “nature never hurries but it is always on time,” and this seems like it could be about knowing when to move on from a relationship. Miley and Liam’s relationship has been an on-and-off journey over an entire decade, so I’m sure the decision to end things wasn’t taken lightly.
But this, this is really the pièce de résistance of the whole trip. It’s almost the exact same photo as the picture before, but you guys…THE CAPTION. Quick Miley Cyrus history lesson for anyone who’s lost: Miley’s song “The Climb,” which is from the Hannah Montana movie, was released in March 2009. Miley then started dating Liam while filming The Last Song just three months later, in June 2009. By those calculations, “The Climb” was probably one of the last songs that Miley did before she met Liam, and the message couldn’t be more perfect for where Miley’s at right now. And yes, I’m listening to “The Climb” and crying at work right now, what about it?
And what’s up with Liam Hemsworth right now? Unlike Miley, he’s not the type to be all over Instagram with his feelings, but he did give a comment when approached by The Daily Mail Australia, saying that “You don’t understand what it’s like.” This is technically true, considering that I’ve never been married, but I’m so curious to know more about the specifics of this breakup. Whose decision was it? Are things like, over over, or are they just on a break? Are Brody Jenner and Liam going to hook up next??
In the end, whether Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth get back together or not, I hope that they’re both doing well, and are happy with whatever happens. It seems like Miley’s been having a good trip to Italy, but we don’t really know what’s going on beneath the surface with her. And it seems like Liam might not be doing amazing, but we don’t really know about him either. Hopefully there will be more updates soon, but for now I’ll take all the Lake Como Instagrams I can get.
UPDATE: It’s now Tuesday morning, and just as my obsession with decoding Miley’s Instagram posts was starting to subside, Liam Hemsworth has officially entered the chat. Sadly, there are no photos of him making out with Brody Jenner on a yacht, but he did post a dramatic sunset pic with a caption addressing his and Miley’s split.
He wishes her “nothing but health and happiness going forward,” which actually makes me think that this might be over for good. There’s no mention of working through differences, or rebuilding their relationship—just health and happiness. This really is the end of an era. Then, Liam clarifies that this will be his only public comment on the situation, which calls into question the truth of the quote attributed to him by The Daily Mail Australia.
I’m glad that Liam acknowledged what’s going on, but I also respect his decision to not comment publicly on what happened with him and Miley. Hopefully at some point his brother Chris will get a little too drunk and spill the beans to the paparazzi, but until then we’ll just have to read between the lines on social media. Miley has been quiet on Instagram since she posted all those hiking pictures, so either her vacation is over, or someone took her phone away. Miley or Kaitlynn, if you’re reading this please send updates!!!
Images: mileycyrus (5), Kaitlynn, enews, liamhemsworth / Instagram
Biggest surprise? I f*cking loved it. The Hills: New Beginnings is perfect to watch if you’ve missed these people, but terrible to watch if you were hoping to see them do well. And even though I could have predicted, say, Spencer not being a normal person in 2019, there were other pretty big surprises in The Hills: New Beginnings pilot. The setting: Audrina’s just gone through a divorce, Speidi is still holding on by a thread (now with babies!), and no one seems to have met Brody’s wife. It’s bleak as hell, it makes me actively sad, and yet I cannot stop watching. Here were the biggest shockers I learned from The Hills: New Beginnings episode 1.
Audrina & Justin Bobby Are STILL A THING
Audrina super casually drops that Justin Bobby was the first person to reach out to her after she got a divorce. OF COURSE HE WAS. Of course Justin Bobby is the level of douche who not only hits you up immediately after a breakup, but immediately after a divorce. Unfortunately, this is still Audrina we’re dealing with, so she sees nothing suspicious about his behavior, and is strongly considering* going on a date with him soon.
*I wrote that at the beginning of the episode. 35 minutes in, they’re on a date. Justin Bobby just said “comment allez-vous,” and I am deceased. Here’s a moment from their date:
Brody Didn’t Invite Spencer To His Wedding
If nothing else, you should watch the pilot just to hear Spencer say “in the media, we are very hated” with more bitterness than I knew he had in him. Among Spencer’s other grievances: Brody didn’t invite him to his wedding, because (per Brody) they weren’t speaking on a daily basis at that time. To be fair, Spencer does say earlier in the episode that he and Heidi were “basically in the Witness Protection Program” in Costa Rica. While that’s in no way factually accurate, I assume Spencer used it as an excuse to drop off the grid and ghost everyone he knew, including Brody. Seems like Brody noticed.
Brody’s Marriage Is A Train Wreck
Oh my god. The very first scene with Brody and his wife Kaitlynn has me screaming into a pillow because a) it’s so relatable and b) their marriage looks so very bad. Brody is in full-on avoidance mode: after coming home late the night before, he literally slept in his car to avoid being yelled at by Kaitlynn. Kaitlynn, for her part, does yell at Brody a lot and boss him around, to the point where it seems like she fundamentally doesn’t trust him to remember or do anything correctly on his own. Honestly, I’d need to see footage from the past few years to know whether or not she’s in the right.
Pamela Anderson Is Kinda Political
Apparently, Pamela Anderson moved to France after Trump was elected. Not a piece of information I expected to get from The Hills: New Beginnings. But since Pamela Anderson’s son Brandon is on this show, I have now found it out, and it surprises me. Also, she is a big believer in sage, and her eyes do not move the normal amount.
Mischa Barton Has No Real Connection To These People
Okay. I know the fakest part of all these reality shows is that none of the stars are actually friends off-camera—or in any case, that’s the fakest part of the Housewives franchise. I knew it was weird when they added Mischa Barton to a Hills reboot, but I was open-minded: maybe these people knew her more than I thought. Nope! She and Stephanie apparently have something of a history, but the other girls are more or less strangers to her. I have a feeling Mischa’s about to get the Erika Jayne treatment, aka everyone talking sh*t about how she’s an ice queen. But hello! She literally isn’t friends with them. I’d be cold as hell too.
Mischa at a Hills cocktail party:
I would’ve loved to talk more about Heidi and Spencer from this episode, but honestly nothing they’re doing is surprising. It’s upsetting, it seems like a huge cry for help, but it’s also exactly what you would expect of Speidi: Parent Edition. Kindly comment with your best guesses on everyone’s plastic surgery choices below!
Images: MTV Press; Giphy(3)
