Britney Spears’ Conservatorship Won An Important Court Battle

Back in April (feels like yesterday) news emerged that Britney Spears may have been held against her will in a mental facility, sparking what became the #FreeBritney movement. Reports said that Britney had been held in the facility for two months, and was put there by her father Jamie, who was her conservator. A conservator is someone who’s appointed by a judge to manage “the financial affairs and/or daily life of another due to physical or mental limitations, or old age.” (Yeah, I got that from Wikipedia, fight me.) Upon learning that Britney was being held in the facility supposedly against her will, many fans took to social media, demanding Jamie #FreeBritney. However, others argued that if she really is unable to care for herself, and we really don’t know because we’re just random fans who are not privy to her mental state, then we have no place clamoring for her freedom.

TMZ reported in April that Jamie did not have the ability to send Britney to a facility against her will, or control her medications. Some (Betches co-founder Sami) felt like that sounded like a technicality, and even if he couldn’t technically do those things, he could still exert enough control over her life to essentially control those things. Well, now we may not be able to sit here and debate any longer whether or not Britney’s conservatorship is in her best interests, because Jamie Spears got an injunction against some guy who was trying to talk sh*t about it. *Frantically erases any negative #FreeBritney articles*

So this guy, Anthony Elia, started a blog called the Absolute Britney. In the blog, Elia basically claimed Jamie Spears was manipulating Britney’s Insta to make her look more mentally ill and less able to care for herself than she actually is/was. He called Britney’s conservatorship a “human rights violation”, which feels a tiny bit overblown. Jamie Spears thought so too (well, if we’re being technical, he thought it was defamatory), and was able to convince a judge to order Elia to knock it off (which is the legal term, thank you).

In the lawsuit, the conservatorship said, “It is time for the conspiracy theories about Britney Spears’ well-being and the mob #FreeBritney movement to stop.”

Apparently, the blog posts triggered death threats against some of the people involved in the conservatorship, which is not all that surprising considering a recent blog post on Absolute Britney ends with the following passage: “We must try to remain positive and we MUST stick together Britney Army. Stop fighting with each other and turning against each other. We are a family. We must BE united as a TEAM for us to help Britney.”

Yeesh. It’s great to be passionate about something, but I feel like Britney Spears does not need an “army” of faceless keyboard warriors to go to battle for her in undetermined ways (especially when that battle ends in an injunction). Where’s Chris Crocker when you need him?

Images: Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Britney Spears Lost 50/50 Custody Of Her Kids

Who ever thought that, in the year 2019, we would still be talking about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? It’s been over a decade since they split up, but there’s new drama in the custody arrangements for their two sons, and it all traces back to Britney’s dad.

Obviously, this has been a chaotic year for Britney and her dad Jamie, with rumors that he was holding her against her will, and a #FreeBritney movement being started. We never really knew all the facts there, and Britney has assured everyone that she’s fine on Instagram, but it definitely seemed like something wasn’t right with the whole family situation.

Things escalated last month, when Britney took her sons to her dad Jamie’s house for a visit. For reference, Brit’s two sons Sean Preston and Jayden James are 13 and 12 years old, which makes me feel absolutely ancient. I remember when she was driving with the babies on her lap, so times really have changed. While at her dad’s house, a disagreement broke out that led to an alleged physical altercation. According to the police report that Kevin Federline filed, their son Sean Preston was behind a locked bedroom door, and Jamie Spears allegedly broke down the door, then “violently shook” Sean. Yikes. Britney then took her two sons away from Jamie’s house, and Kevin was called to come pick them up.

While Britney and K-Fed (I missed saying that name) had previously been splitting custody 50/50, they’ve agreed to a new arrangement where Britney will only get the boys 30% of the time. Apparently this new arrangement was first discussed over a year ago, but was only finalized last week. I don’t know exactly how these cases work, but I have a feeling this timing probably wasn’t a coincidence. The attorney filing the custody papers also said that Britney really only has the boys for around 10% of the time, and that her time with them is usually supervised. This sounds sad, but again, we really don’t know if Britney is in a position to be taking care of her kids.

In addition to the new custody agreement, Kevin Federline has been granted a restraining order against Jamie Spears. While we still don’t know the whole truth of everything that’s gone down with Britney and her dad, it seems like he’s the root of a lot of these issues. Obviously, Britney has her own sh*t to deal with, but it seems like her dad might not be the right person to help her at this point. In 2018, K-Fed also got increased child support from Britney, because he’s taking care of the kids more, and making less money than he did when they made the initial agreement in 2007.

Overall, this situation seems like one big mess, but hopefully the new agreement is the best thing for everyone involved. At least Britney Spears still gets to spend time with her kids, even if it isn’t a lot. And hopefully Jamie Spears can get his sh*t together, because he honestly sounds like a nightmare. IDK if we still need to #FreeBritney, but I’m rooting for her no matter what.

Images: Shutterstock; Giphy

Should We #FreeBritney Or Leave Her Alone?

So I guess I’m officially on the Britney beat now. The #FreeBritney movement hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down over the past few days, and even gained traction over the weekend when Britney was given a day pass out of her mental facility for Easter, which she spent with her boyfriend Sam Asghari. (And please, please don’t ask me to tell you my theory that he is not not a semi-hired babysitter-boyfriend being manipulated by her team via sponsorships and attention.)

Before I go any further on a topic that’s actually taken a more serious turn than I expected, I have to start by saying that I’m both a huge fan of Britney’s and someone who takes mental health very seriously. I have mental illness in my family and have seen the gray areas involved and how deeply sad it is when a loved one is unable to care for themselves. I’m not writing this for “clicks”—I’m not a staff writer and have no assignments or quota to hit. (I bet you’re wondering who I am now, right? RIGHT? It’s Sami, cofounder of Betches, hi.) I’m writing it because this subject has really struck a cord with me as a Britney fan, and after seeing a literal #FreeBritney protest on social media yesterday, it’s clear that it has for others as well. Also, good to see protests are still hot.

If you’re a Betch Slapped listener, you’ll hear in Tuesday’s episode we revisited the Britney conversation, and Jordana brought up the point that it’s impossible for us to know the state of Britney’s mental health, and whether or not she is actually a danger to herself and needs to be on medications controlled by a conservator. Basically, maybe Britney shouldn’t be #free if she’s a danger to herself, and we are doing damage by running our mouths on sh*t we don’t know. And she’s honestly right about that. The article I wrote last week when this scandal came out had many, many comments to the same effect, which I took seriously. But this issue is less about whether Britney needs to be under conservatorship and receiving mental health treatment, and more about whether or not her conservatorship, necessary or not, is functioning in her best interests.

TMZ reported today (in what, in my opinion, seemed generally like a puff piece fed directly from Jamie Spears’ PR team but I’m no primary source), that the conservatorship doesn’t give Jamie the ability to control what medications Britney is taking or the ability to send her to a mental facility against her will. Sure, but regardless, doesn’t the fact that Jamie Spears is her conservator in the first place provide him with enough power to manipulate her to act in his preferred ways, even if those specific terms are not laid out in the conservatorship?

While it’s impossible to see into the Spears family and know whether or not everything is legit, I don’t think it’s illogical to question the simple idea that a conservator shouldn’t have financial incentives that are tied to the control of their conservatee. Britney Spears’ financial success is directly beneficial to her family, meaning they have less of an incentive to objectively judge whether or not she should be performing at all. It’s really hard for people to be aware of a reality when their financial gain is dependent on them not being aware of it, whether you’re a trillionaire earth-ruining corporation or you’re Jamie Spears from Bumblefuck whose daughter got mind-blowingly famous. His own finances hinge on him not accepting that keeping Britney famous, performing, and forced to meet and greet thousands of strangers is potentially contributing to her mental health issues. It happened in 2007, and it’s not crazy to think it’s happening again.

And here we have the crux of the issue. As Britney fans, all of us are a teeny tiny bit a part of where she’s ended up. …Baby One More Time was the first CD I ever owned and loved, and the girl has been famous since she was 11 f*cking years old. She had no time to personally develop before she started being consumed by other people, so she’s forever stuck there. Not quite the makings of a mentally healthy adult. And it’s not just Britney—it’s hard to name many celebrities who got famous very young (aside from Hilary Duff) who you would categorize as “doing well.”

Since writing this article last night, Britney appeared on her own instagram with a message for her fans. She said: “I am trying to take a moment for myself, but everything that’s happening is just making it harder for me…Your love and dedication is amazing, but what I need right now is a little bit of privacy to deal with all the hard things that life is throwing my way. If you could do that, I would be forever grateful.” Then she made some weird allusion to some Sam Lutfi emails that I have no idea the relevance of, but as with any Britney moment, gave us just a big enough whiff of ascandal to take us deeper down the rabbit hole and drag her further down with us. So I’m just not even going to google what those emails are and try to take a new approach to Britney fandom.

View this post on Instagram

I wanted to say hi, because things that are being said have just gotten out of control!!! Wow!!! There’s rumors, death threats to my family and my team, and just so many things crazy things being said. I am trying to take a moment for myself, but everything that’s happening is just making it harder for me. Don’t believe everything you read and hear. These fake emails everywhere were crafted by Sam Lutfi years ago… I did not write them. He was pretending to be me and communicating with my team with a fake email address. My situation is unique, but I promise I’m doing what’s best at this moment ??? You may not know this about me, but I am strong, and stand up for what I want! Your love and dedication is amazing, but what I need right now is a little bit of privacy to deal with all the hard things that life is throwing my way. If you could do that, I would be forever grateful. Love you ❤️❤️❤️

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

On some level, it feels like Britney fans (and fans in general, sorry we’re not special) have a codependent relationship with the figures we love. We love them so much that we can’t let them be, even if it hurts them. We demand more music, more performances, more smiles and selfies at the meet and greet we spent our hard-earned money to attend. And it’s not even our fault! Celebrities are marketed towards us for their own profit, what else is there? Which is why Britney is different. She doesn’t control her finances or personal decisions, and it’s clear that the fame drives her deeper into a very painful hole that she may never really be able to fully get out of. The sad part is that there’s no real solution, and as someone DM’ed me (this is obviously a well-sourced article): “please don’t fan the flames on this…because if she truly is an unstable person, this is not helping.” Maybe it’s finally time for all of us to really leave Britney alone.

Images: Shutterstock; @britneyspears / Instagram

There Are Important Updates In The Britney Spears Saga

As a lifelong Britney Spears fan, it’s been a stressful few months. It started in January, when she canceled her upcoming Las Vegas residency to focus on her father’s health issues. Then, last month, it was announced that Britney was taking an indefinite hiatus from music, and she entered a mental health rehab facility. The sh*t really hit the fan last week, when the Britney’s Gram podcast presented a detailed theory that Britney was being held against her will in the mental facility, and that her father Jamie was using his legal conservatorship to manipulate her. The #FreeBritney movement spread like wildfire across social media, and everyone was working to uncover the real truth of what’s going on with Britney.

It’s a new week, and there have been some important updates to the Britney Spears situation, so let’s take a look at the latest. Some of this information is still very much up for debate, so  we probably haven’t heard the last of this whole situation. Here’s what we know, as of now.

The most important thing is that Britney Spears was seen out in the wild over the weekend. By “in the wild,” I mean that she was photographed outside of the facility where she’s been since January. On Easter Sunday, Britney was seen leaving the Montage Beverly Hills hotel, where she apparently spent the night with her boyfriend Sam Asghari. In the photos, Britney definitely looks a little disheveled, but I’m hoping it’s just because she overslept and had to check out in a hurry.

21.04.19 Britney Spears Gets Easter Day Pass From Mental Health Facility

— popqueenbritneydotcom (@popqueenbritney) April 22, 2019

Of course, the sighting of Britney Spears outside of the mental facility raises some important questions about her overall situation. We don’t know if she’s officially been released from treatment, or if they just gave her a temporary pass for the Easter holiday. Either way, her outing seems like a positive indicator that her situation hopefully isn’t as dire as it seemed last week. Maybe the whole thing was blown out of proportion in the first place, or maybe the rules are being loosened as a reaction to the reports. I’m just glad that Britney seems to be okay.

If Britney’s Easter outing was the good news, then I guess this next part is the bad news. In the wake of last week’s reports about Britney’s rehab stay, there are new sources saying some intriguing things about the initial cancelation of the Britney: Domination Vegas residency. According to a new report from The Blast, a member of Britney Spears’ team knew that Britney wasn’t in a good place even during the contract negotiations for her new residency. The source says that, even while the residency was being actively promoted, they all really knew that “Vegas was off the table unless things drastically changed.”

View this post on Instagram

I don’t even know where to start with this, because this is so tough for me to say. I will not be performing my new show Domination. I’ve been looking forward to this show and seeing all of you this year, so doing this breaks my heart. However, it’s important to always put your family first… and that’s the decision I had to make. A couple of months ago, my father was hospitalized and almost died. We’re all so grateful that he came out of it alive, but he still has a long road ahead of him. I had to make the difficult decision to put my full focus and energy on my family at this time. I hope you all can understand. More information on ticket refunds is available on I appreciate your prayers and support for my family during this time. Thank you, and love you all… always.

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

Allegedly, Britney’s dad Jamie was very aware of this whole situation, and he just happened to have major health problems at the same time that Britney was struggling. According to the source, it was Jamie who made the call that Britney needed to cancel the residency, and he told her to use his health issues as the reason. Another source close to the situation said that “the notion that Britney canceled or postponed a multi-million dollar Vegas show deal to help medically care for her father is ‘complete nonsense.'”

Obviously, all these reports should be taken with a grain of salt, but there’s definitely a lot going on behind the scenes here. It’s hard to know exactly who’s right and wrong here, and the situation is probably still a lot more complicated than we even know. Is #FreeBritney the right response? Is Britney even still in the mental facility? Did her dad really make the wrong decision? Hopefully we’ll learn more in the coming days and weeks, but for now, I’m just hoping Britney Spears is okay.

Images: @popqueenbritney / Twitter

Is Britney Spears Being Forcibly Held In A Mental Facility?

Just when you thought you might make it out of Aries without another massive scam blowing up, you thought wrong. A Britney Spears fan Instagram account and podcast called Britney’s Gram has exposed some very disturbing news about Britney’s conservatorship. Apparently, Britney has been forcibly held in a mental facility (!) since mid-January (!!) by her very own father (!!!).

As everyone knows, Britney has been held in conservatorship by her father Jamie Spears since her breakdown in 2008. I think we all remember it. Now, suddenly the #FreeBritney movement is going viral by a hot pink square on Instagram — the true mark of any modern day scam worth its 15 minutes. But behind the pink square is a story that, if true, is extremely disturbing and cruel. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!

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?? EMERGENCY EPISODE ?? Listen right away. We’ve received an anonymous tip from a credible source that confirms some of our suspicions and contains revelations we never imagined. Your mind is about to be blown. Share this image far and wide. #FreeBritney Go to or click the link in our bio.

A post shared by Britney's Gram: The Podcast (@britneysgram) on

So here’s the tea. Fans have suspected that something shady was going on with Brit amidst a very sketchy cancellation of Domination, her just-announced Las Vegas residency, citing her father’s health issues as the cause. She claimed to be taking an indefinite work hiatus to focus on her father. Ok fine, plausible. But the sketchy part of that situation is that her creative team was literally promoting the residency up until minutes before she posted her official instagram cancellation.

The last time Britney was conclusively seen in public was at an In-and-Out drive thru (not a bad last place to be seen tbh) with her boyfriend on January 6th, a few days after the announcement. She was driving, which is relevant because it’s apparently a big no-no under her conservatorship. I mean everyone knows the best way to rehabilitate a child pop star is to impose the same rules that Saudi Arabia uses to control women. Not a good look for the responsible dad role, Jamie!!

Nothing seemed particularly amiss, aside from the aforementioned abrupt cancellation, until March 6th, when the second individual in control of her conservatorship, her lawyer Andrew Wallet abruptly resigned with the following statement. “Substantial detriment, irreparable harm and immediate danger will result to the conservative and her estate if the relief requested herein is not granted on an ex parte basis.” That’s lawyer for “some fucked up shit going down and Britney is in danger!” Wallet was being paid half a million dollars a year (no pun intended) as conservator, and there was no immediately clear reason why he would suddenly quit.

That’s until a few days later, the podcast Britney’s Gram uncovered legal motions filed by BRITNEY HERSELF from two days before her lawyer had resigned. It’s unclear what the contents of those motions were (God Karen you can’t just ask the motions what their contents are), but this is definitely weird since this was the first time in her entire 11 year conservatorship that Britney had ever filed any motion ever. The story started to gain traction on multiple outlets until the next day, when something that Britney stans would describe as “out of character” was posted on her Instagram. Fans in particular focused on the fact that she used 🙂 as an emoji instead of the typical way she usually posts emojis, which is a lot of actual emojis.

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We all need to take time for a little "me time." 🙂

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

Then, as we all know, TMZ reported that Britney checked herself into a mental facility because she was “distraught over her dad’s illness.” It was never reported that she left after that, but two weeks later she was allegedly spotted at a salon, and we thought all could be right with the world (aside from like a million other problems happening everywhere all the time).

JK, it’s actually just getting even crazier. Two days ago, Britney’s Gram posted another podcast episode where they played an actual voicemail from a former paralegal at Andrew Wallet’s firm who did not give his name, but said that Britney has been held against her will in a mental facility since mid-January. He claimed that she had been in rehearsals for Domination when it came to her father’s attention that she was not taking her medication as prescribed. Jamie said she had to either take the medication, or Domination would be cancelled (because as her conservator, he has the power to control almost all aspects of her life, including this). She still refused to take the medication and he pulled the show, telling her to “blame it on illness.” It’s not true that she entered the facility a few weeks ago as was reported because she has been there since January, and there is no “end in sight for her stay at this mental facility. She did not want to go.”

The story is still developing, but if true, it seems like Jamie Spears may be in the middle of a really evil scheme, forcing his daughter to take medication and controlling her through threats to take things away from her (including custody of her children), and now literally holding her in a mental facility indefinitely. We’ll keep you updated but for now, share your thoughts in the comments. #FreeBritney.

Images: Shutterstock; @britneysgram, @britneyspears / Instagram

Did Britney Spears Get A Completely New Face? We’re Concerned

On Tuesday, our favorite childhood icon and the patron saint of belly button piercings, one Miss Britney Spears, announced that she will be the new spokesmodel for Kenzo. If you’re unfamiliar with the Kenzo fashion label, that’s totally fair, because they appear to be  about as well known as my college Thought Catalog account. I’m glad she’s doing so well! Britney Spears will be the new face of Kenzo’s La Collection Memento N°2 line—and by “new face” I mean she quite literally has an entirely new face. I know, I know. I’m just as outraged as you are by the accusation. Britney Lynn Spears, the girl who once walked barefoot into a truck stop bathroom, would never EVER be anything less than her ratchet self. I mean, if pop super-stardom couldn’t get her to stop shopping at a Louisiana Walmart for awards season, then nothing could. I thought all of this until fans took to Twitter to announce their support for Brit’s new business venture and I actually saw the face Kenzo was claiming to be Britney’s. In fact, here’s a literal reenactment of my reaction upon seeing the Kenzo ad for the first time:

WORLD: OMFG Britney has a new clothing line!!!

KENZO LOVES BRITNEY SPEARS ???? Get behind the scenes of the new @KENZO campaign with @britneyspears photographed by the legendary @therealpeterlindbergh! The collection is now available on #KenzoLovesBritney #KENZO #CollectionMemento2

A post shared by KENZO (@kenzo) on

ME: *takes hard look at ad*

So here’s a new conspiracy theory to start your weekend off right: did Britney Spears get an entirely new face? Or did some 17-year-old Instagram thot-turned-Kenzo-marketing-intern just not recognize the 90s icon for who she really was and decided to Photoshop the shit out of her? As someone who takes any and all Britney Spears news v v seriously (they don’t call me It’s Britney, Betch for nothing), I’d say the evidence is very circumstantial quite damning. So let’s take a closer look at that evidence, shall we?

Exhibit A

The iconic @britneyspears featuring a denim-on-denim look photographed by @therealpeterlindbergh for the new @kenzo campaign. Discover the full story on #KenzoLovesBritney #KENZO #CollectionMemento2

A post shared by KENZO (@kenzo) on

Seriously. She’s, like, fucking unrecognizable. This looks less like Britney Spears and more like a long-lost Wirkus triplet. Am I really to believe that this is the same person who inspired millions of girls all over America to defile their navels and dress up as naughty school girls for every Halloween, mixer, and frat party of their adolescent lives?? And for those of you who are clinging to the belief that Britney Spears—the girl for whom autotune was literally created—would never be anything other than her real, authentic self, let’s just look at the side-by-side for a moment:

Exhibit B

The image on the right is taken from Britney’s campaign with Kenzo, while the image on the left is from Britney’s own Instagram, taken last December. I’m not going to say which is which, but one side looks like Britney Spears, and one side looks like a girl who answered a casting call for Go Go Dancer #2 in next week’s episode of Law & Order: SVU. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “well maybe it’s not really Britney. Maybe she was too busy performing in Vegas for European men who wear bedazzled jeans and like to vacation in Sin City  her fans.” To which I would just like to say, please turn your attention to exhibit C.

Exhibit C

So excited to announce my new campaign for @KENZO’s La Collection Memento No2 shot by @therealpeterlindbergh!!! #kenzolovesbritney

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

For those of you who don’t recognize that symbol just above Britney’s ass, that’s what we children of the 90s refer to as a “tramp stamp” which used to be the ways girls expressed their abandonment issues before they added cameras to cell phones. The more you know.  And no one was more revered for her tramp stamp then Little Miss “Oops I Did It Again” Britney Spears. This is definitive proof that the woman in the photo is, in fact, Britney—even if her face more closely resembles the woman ahead of me in line at Starbucks this morning than her own. 

So there you have it. Whether the people at Kenzo are better Photoshoppers than the girl who runs Kylie Jenner’s Instagram account or she just got an entirely new face for the campaign is unclear. Betches is still waiting to hear from Brit’s PR person for commentary. And by “still waiting to hear from” I mean I just wrote this article and am hoping I don’t get sued by her legal team. Obviously.
Images: Giphy (1); @kenzo / Instagram (2); @britneyspears /Instagram (2)

36 Iconic Britney Spears Moments For Her 36th Birthday

We normally don’t really give a shit about other people’s birthdays, but there are always exceptions. Our parents, a few close friends, and Britney fucking Spears. That’s right, it’s the Princess of Pop’s 36th birthday on December 2nd, and we couldn’t leave for the weekend without giving her a proper birthday celebration. So enjoy this walk down memory lane of Brit’s iconic moments, both good and bad.

1. That time she literally performed with a snake.

Britney Spears

2. When she showed up to the grocery store in this incredible outfit.

Britney Spears

3. The time she definitely thought Ryan Seacrest was gay.

Britney Spears

4. When the “Work Bitch” video actually changed our lives.

Work Bitch Britney Spears

5. When she and Justin gave us some of the best/worst outfits of ALL TIME.

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

6. When she shaved her head and the world basically exploded.

Britney Spears Shaved Head

7. That one time she casually made out with Madonna on live TV.

Britney Madonna Kiss

8. The “Gimme More” performance that nearly killed us.

Britney Spears

9. When we recently found out that she’s like, a talented painter.

Britney Spears

10. When she low-key became a gymnast.

Britney Spears

11. The great blessing that is Crossroads.

Crossroads Britney Spears

12. When the “Toxic” video made us want to be sexual flight attendants.

Toxic Britney Spears

13. When she said that men could suck her fucking toe.

Britney Spears Suck My Toe

14. When she went to Mars or something and we were shooketh.

Britney Spears

15. The most perfect three words anyone can say.

It's Britney Bitch

16. When she had an S&M pillow fight with Rihanna.

Britney Spears Rihanna

17. The time she absolutely slayed us with this red carpet look.

Britney Spears

18. The umbrella smash heard ’round the world.

Britney Spears Umbrella

19. When she rode a giant fucking guitar.

Britney Spears

20. Queen of coherent tweets!

Britney Spears Tweet

21. That tragic reality show with her and K-Fed.

Britney Spears

22. Every face she made as a judge on The X-Factor.

Britney Spears X Factor

23. No really, every single face.

Britney Spears X Factor

24. *DJ Khaled voice* ANOTHA ONE.

Britney Spears

25. When she learned to lie about being a good girl.

Britney Spears

26. That one time she allegedly spit on Demi Lovato.

Demi Lovato Britney Spears

27. When she gave every girl a super easy Halloween costume idea.

Hit Me Baby One More Time

28. We couldn’t forget about her Mouseketeer days.

Britney Spears

29. Her infamous 55-hour marriage.

Britney Spears Marriage

30. When she thought Colton Haynes was just some random fan with a nice ass.

Colton Haynes Britney Spears

31. When she brought her sons to the Smurfs 2 premiere and we were all dying.

Britney Spears Surfs 2

32. Queen of getting over her loneliness.

Britney Spears My Loneliness

33. That time she looked unbelievably good in her tiny outfit at the VMAs.

Britney Spears

34. That questionable song she did with Iggy Azalea.

Iggy Azalea Britney Spears

35. When we were all told to kindly leave her the fuck alone.

Leave Britney Alone

36. But what are we talking about, her whole life has been iconic.

Britney Spears

Happy Birthday Britney!

Russian Hackers Have Gone After Britney Spears

Britney Spears is an icon for many reasons. She literally taught us all how to dress like a slut before we even really knew what dressing like a slut was, her 2004 “I’m A Slave 4 U” performance is in VMA history, plus I have seldom entered a room without first screaming “It’s Britney, bitch!!!” And my name is not fucking Britney, or even Brittany. With her Las Vegas residency solidified, it’d be hard to argue that Britney Spears has not earned her place in the pop music hall of fame. I mean, the woman was a Mousketeer for fuck’s sake. More recently, Britney has developed an iconic Instagram personality, where she regularly treats us to daily affirmations, incredible TBTs featuring all your favorite 90s celebs, and just straight-up memes that would be right at home on your great aunt’s Facebook page:


A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on


Britney has even been known to throw in a stock photo of corn every once in a while, just to keep us on our toes.


It’s honestly too good to be true mmmm

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

And my personal favorite, this video of her being scared by her two young sons and screaming bloody murder like only a woman who became a famous sex symbol at 16 and has probably had multiple stalkers could:


My damn kids

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

But just like everything that is good and pure in this world, Britney’s Instagram has enemies. Foreign enemies. Formerly communist foreign enemies.

That’s right, like our democracy, Britney Spears’ Instagram has reportedly been compromised by Russian hackers. Putin, you have finally gone too far.

The hackers, collectively known as Turla, apparently used the comment section of Britney’s Insta to spread malware and attack the one thing that Britney loves most: her fans.

This all started back in February, when an Insta user by the name of @asmith215 commented “#2hot make loved to her, uupss #Hot #X,” which is a fairly accurate representation of the average Instagram commenter’s literacy level. Apparently, because computers, this moment was actually a hidden code for a link that would help these hackers steal your data and infect your computer with malicious software. Or something. I literally know nothing about computers beyond how to type and that sometimes if you turn it off and then on again everything is magically fixed.

According to Business Insider:

Security researchers at Slovakian security firm ESET have been looking into Turla, a long-running hacking group believed to be linked to the Russian government that has targeted foreign governments, militaries, educational institutions and more.

And they found something pretty unusual, they wrote in a blog post: The malware has been receiving instructions via a seemingly innocuous comment on one of Britney Spears’ Instagram photos.

This just goes to show you that, in 2017, nothing is sacred. Not even the comment section of Britney Spears’ Instagram. Also, don’t comment on celebrities’ Instagram posts. Not just because it makes you look like a psycho, but because it literally might get you hacked.