Brides, it’s hard to let go. It’s hard to free yourself from the empty apologies we’ve become accustomed to supplying, and more often than not, we don’t realize we’re apologizing. That’s true of life in general, but it’s especially true during wedding planning. You find yourself apologizing for the stupidest, mundane sh*t. Are you really sorry for emailing a question to a wedding vendor you’re paying? NO! Are you sorry for asking for a different size at the bridal boutique? NO! Are you sorry for asking your maid of honor for help? NO! And, you shouldn’t be sorry in any of those scenarios! But, giving up those apologies and replacing them with truth isn’t an easy task. It’s hard to stop giving a f*ck, because we’ve been conditioned to GAF our whole lives. But, you’re getting married now, so it’s time to graduate to the next phase of our lives.
Personally, I’ve adopted the old lady perspective. You know, the rambunctious old lady with purple speckled hair yelling at some poor bastard while shaking a bony finger? Her. She is everything. We’d be apologizing, while that old lady is speaking her mind unapologetically. And there’s beauty in that. She’s old, with zero f*cks to give, because she’s learned that it’s a hell of a lot easier to let sh*t go and stop apologizing. So, what if we adopted the “old lady” perspective in life and in wedding planning? The zero f*cks perspective? The stop apologizing perspective? Oh my God, imagine the possibilities.
It all comes down to perspective and hindsight. I already preach perspective on my podcast and blog, but man, I wish I could teach hindsight, and that you could learn from every single one of my wedding planning experiences. Not saying I’m some sort of genie, I’m just more experienced than you. I’ve planned a gazillion weddings to your one. I’ve dealt with bitchy bridesmaids, tyrannical mothers, horrid family members, and even a dog sh*tting on the dance floor. Yup! That silly dog sh*t on the dance floor, and I got to clean it up (I also re-frosted part of the wedding cake after a guest bumped into it at that same wedding!). So here’s a dose of hindsight (and perspective) that will help launch you into giving less f*cks while you plan your wedding:
1. Stop Apologizing
if i had a dollar for every time i cursed while planning my wedding, i’d actually be able to afford my wedding
— betchesbrides (@betchesbrides) May 22, 2019
Be that old lady, but be kind. Kindness attracts kindness. If you’re nice to your mother, sister, brother, MOH, bridesmaids, vendors, etc., they will be nice to you. It’s very simple. But don’t apologize for wanting your wedding a certain way. If something is important to you and your significant other, then kindly express your feelings, unapologetically. The easiest way to shut down haters, disagreers, opinionated assholes, know-it-alls, etc., is to be firm and kind. However, if you lose that kindness and cross the line, it’s very hard to get back to good. So, be kind, but channel that old lady, and stop apologizing! Which leads me to my next point.
2. Tell The Truth
The truth is always quicker. Don’t dance around some version of it, just own it. Planning your wedding is hard enough, but navigating through a web of lies and bullsh*t will make it that much more difficult, even if you had good intentions. I know it’s sometimes easier to lie to avoid hurting feelings or fragile egos, but it’s better to get it all out, honestly, than to keep up with your lies. Not inviting somebody to your wedding who is expecting an invitation? Talk about it before you send them out. Mom wants to invite all of her cousins to your intimate wedding? Speak your truth, and do your best to meet in the middle. The truth will save you a lot of time and hopefully a lot of anguish.
3. Know Your Limitations
nothing like planning a wedding to realize how extra you really are
— betchesbrides (@betchesbrides) March 18, 2019
Not a DIYer? Then don’t f*cking DIY. Don’t like being the center of attention? Then don’t bring your bridal party with you as you try on wedding dresses. No time to plan your wedding? Then hire a wedding planner. You get the point. The key to giving less f*cks is to set yourself up accordingly, to understand your limitations and to work/plan within your boundaries. You CAN do this, just be honest with yourself those around you.
4. Manage Your Expectations
People don’t change. Don’t expect anybody to change because you’re getting married. It is not your fault that some folks won’t be excited or happy for you. It becomes your fault if you expect them to have a change of heart. Hopefully they will, but don’t count on it. And certainly don’t waste time caring about how they feel about you or your wedding. Weddings are joyful. Weddings honor and celebrate a couple who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together, and not everybody appreciates the enormity of the day or the magnitude of the union. So, f*ck ‘em, and move on.
5. Allow Yourself To Have Fun
For those of you singles about to embark on wedding season, stay safe out there, but more importantly—and I cannot stress this enough—stay drunk.
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) May 2, 2019
Planning a wedding is hard work, but a lot of it is fun “work”. So embrace it! Have fun with it! It’s a day for celebration, so celebrate as you go! Take a step back to enjoy your friends and family, and be in the moment. Don’t just get through it, embrace the sh*t out of it!
When you find yourself struggling to keep it together, and the wedding planning is getting you down, I want you to take a step back and remember why you’re getting married in the first place. If that doesn’t center you, then think about what that old lady would do. Think about how she’d handle herself in your position, and adopt that “old lady” perspective. I’m guessing she’d probably be shaking her damn finger, demanding respect, and giving no f*cks while speaking her truth. Try it. It’s liberating.
Images: betchesluvthis, betchesbrides (2) / Twitter; betchesbrides (2) / Instagram
Reddit is the gift that keeps on giving. On a recent AITA subreddit (if you aren’t familiar, that stands for Am I The Asshole), a former bride sounded off about a bridesmaid who she feels went overboard in upstaging her at her wedding and, thus, ruined her big, special, perfect day. As a former bride and current day-to-day bitch, let me just say: every bride wants to be the absolute 100% center of attention on her wedding day, whether you’re an actual brat or just act like one during your wedding planning process. Everyone should be complimenting you. Everyone should be telling you how skinny you look. Everyone should be telling the groom how lucky he is and to not mess this up. Everyone should be dancing and raving about the food and crying because they’re just so f*cking happy to be there. You feel me? So I understand why a bride might feel upset if all eyes were not on her the entire duration of her wedding day… but even I think this Reddit bride took things more than a little too far. Because our Reddit bride was not the center of attention on her wedding day, she feels like her bridesmaid literally owes her a do-over. That in itself is pretty f*cking crazy considering the bride admits her wedding cost $30,000, but her reasons why she feels justified in asking for this re-do are, shall we say, completely f*cking unhinged. Let’s take a closer look.
The Setup
The Reddit post begins, “My now husband and I got married 1.5 months ago. We had 6 people on each side of the bridal party. This wedding took 3 full years to plan and prepare for. When I got engaged, most of the bridesmaids were very single, including Anna, the ‘star’ of this story. Two of them were in long-term relationships. I wanted to just give the two partnered bridesmaids plus-ones. Anna seemed offended by this, because my wedding was then years off, and she was actually dating her now husband at the time (though it was casual).”
Alright, this seems within the realm of normal so far. You usually draw the line for a plus-one at serious partners or spouses—especially if you’re a bride on a budget. Then again, this bride puts in the subject of her post that her wedding cost $30,000, which is not super extravagant, but also not a budget affair. However, if it did take her three years to plan, it’s safe to say they were keeping an eye on cost. I guess if you’re broke and mom and/or dad aren’t helping and you’re drowning in student loans, that makes sense. But still, three years is a little bit long to plan a wedding, and there are people who would bristle at not giving members of the bridal party a plus-one, even if they’re not in a serious relationship at the time of your engagement.
Mom Knows Best
The Reddit bride continues, “I eventually got pushed by my mother to give all of them plus-ones. Anna actually continued to date that guy, and married him four months before my wedding at two months pregnant. She brought her new husband as her plus one (who I never met prior) and convinced one of the other bridesmaids to take her friend as hers (when she KNEW we didn’t like him).”
Oh, moms—always peer pressuring us. So, Anna marries the guy she was casually dating, and, considering it took three years to plan this wedding, that is actually very normal! Plenty of people get engaged and even married within three years of meeting each other. Three years is a long time! And it’s actually kind of weird that she never even met her friend’s husband in the entire three years it took to plan her wedding. The only thing I will say is that it’s kind of sh*tty to get a friend invited to a wedding whom you know the bride and groom don’t like. But, given the way this Reddit bride has framed her entire post, I’m calling into question that Anna knew the bride didn’t like the friend. This detail will become important later, for reasons you probably don’t expect, so just keep it in the back of your mind.
The Wedding
Here is where things start to unravel. The bride says of Anna, “She was hugely pregnant, and didn’t refrain from showing it off. We’re both fairly young (25) and in my husband’s culture, getting pregnant before late 20s/30s, married or not, is basically a teenage pregnancy and drew ATTENTION. She also has a vibrant personality and has a way of eclipsing everyone around her. Her husband is also very tall and incredibly attractive, which drew a lot of attention.”
Wow. Grab a suitcase, everybody, because we have a lot to unpack. Ok, first of all, if she’s hugely pregnant (by my calculations, about six months along), how can you NOT show it off? Like, it’s very out there, literally. What really seems odd is the whole “practically a teenage pregnancy” thing. Anna is married at this point, lest we forget. She’s in her mid-20’s. What culture says that’s “basically a teenage pregnancy”??? Am I just extremely ignorant of all non-American cultures? Probably, but I still need to know either way. And what’s with the comment about her friend having a “vibrant personality”? Is she mad that her friend seems like a fun, positive person? Also, jazz snaps for the level of petty you need to be to be MAD that your friend’s husband is hot (and tall). Like, would it have been okay if he was hot and not tall, or tall and unattractive?
Apparently, this all was just too much for the wedding guests to handle. “All anyone spoke about of was Anna’s pregnancy and her attractive husband. Even in the line, people were asking about that ‘electric woman’ and of her pregnancy/marriage/life. When they got up to dance, all eyes were on them. Anna’s friend ended up hooking up with my brother, outing him as gay and causing a huge scandal.”
Is it honestly Anna’s fault if she’s the life of the party? I guess bridezilla was hoping she’d tone it down, which I would understand if Anna is the type of friend to purposefully cause a scene every time she goes out to get attention—but we have no indication of that from this post. And like, IDK, it sounds like the guests were more intrigued by Anna and her husband than offended at their presence. The best part of this part of the story is Anna’s friend hooking up with the bride’s brother and “outing” him. That was probably uncomfortable with possible negative consequences for the brother, I’ll give her that. But it feels like all the anger is misdirected at Anna when really the bigger scandal was the hookup. And maybe the real problem is not that Anna’s friend ended up hooking up with the brother, but that there were homophobes at the wedding who were so scandalized by two men making out that it supposedly ruined the day.
The Aftermath
It gets more insane, if you can believe it. Reddit bride says, “I ended up leaving midway through the reception in tears, and never attended the next morning’s brunch. Anna and her entourage left early the next morning and also didn’t attend. I can’t even look at the pictures without crying and desperately want a do over. I’m not a bridezilla, but this was beyond the pale. It felt like a celebration of Anna’s marriage. I’m sorry, but I put so much planning, effort, and money into this while someone that got pregnant without a thought and married spur of the moment reaped the benefits. I honestly feel like Anna owes me a wedding and did all of this as revenge for me offending her years ago. Am I wrong?”
What a brat. Just to recap: you complained about Anna making a scene, her friend hooking up with your brother and making a scene, then left your own reception crying, creating MORE of a scene? Isn’t that kind of a slap in the face to all of the other guests who came to see you and have a good time? The same can be said of skipping the next day’s brunch. Anna wasn’t even there! That was your big chance to get some one-on-one time with your guests! You don’t get to complain about Anna ruining your day when you created just as much of an issue by leaving and not even enjoying your own brunch that you also presumably planned and paid for!
To go so far as to type out that Anna “did all of this as revenge” is so ludicrous I can’t even see straight. Anna dated a guy, got married, got pregnant, then came to your wedding and had a good time…all for spite? Is it cold up there in your ivory tower? To claim she did all this scheming JUST to ruin your day is absurd.
The commenters on the thread were pretty quick to side-eye the Reddit bride, too. “The biggest clue to me was ‘the wedding took a full three years to plan’. … OP is overly obsessed with her own wedding. When you put something on a pedestal that high, it’s always a disappointment.” Preach, commenter on this thread. If it takes you three years to plan your PERFECT day, then you’re so detail-oriented that nothing will ever be perfect.
Overall, most, if not all of the commenters agree that yes, this bride was the asshole. Her main issues with Anna seem to be that she has a hot husband, got married, got pregnant, and is a social butterfly. I don’t want to pile on the Reddit bride by calling her a horrible person or anything like that, though. More than likely, this bridezilla is experiencing a huge downer after the wedding, which is understandable when for three years you lived and breathed planning and budgeting for it and, in a flash, it’s over. Naturally, you’re going to pick it apart and try to find what you could have done better. But where she took it way too far was asking if she is justified in demanding her friend help her throw another wedding. Girl, no! Like, what, you think your bridesmaid is just going to Venmo you thirty thousand dollars because she had the audacity to have fun at your wedding? Yeeeah. Let me know how that goes.
Images: betchesbrides / Instagram (2); Giphy
There’s nothing better than laughing at someone else’s misfortune, and this becomes especially true when it comes to weddings. Whether it’s Pinterest fails, atrociously off-trend décor, or relationship drama at the altar, the internet has become our go-to source for all things terrible, and we’re here for it.
Because it’s Monday and we care about you, we’ve scoured the internet for the absolute worst (see: best) horror stories when it comes to psycho brides. Take these as a note of what not to do, or what you have to compete with if being a psycho is your forte.
1. The Bride Who Wanted Everyone To Be Fatter Than Her
Yes, we found this tale from People.com where … well, just read it: “My sister in law asked her bridesmaids (me included) to gain 5-10 kilos to make her look better in comparison. I just can’t understand that.” … for the record, 5-10 kilos is about 11-22 pounds. LOL.
2. The Bride Who Made Her Bridesmaid Change Her Hair
One bride we found demanded that her ginger bridesmaid (who arguably has no soul anyway) DYE HER HAIR. Why, you ask? Good Housekeeping details the horror: “ seemed pretty standard but then when she got into the look she wants for her bridesmaids she wrote, ‘, you’ll need to dye your hair for the day, I’ll take you to my hairdresser and cover the cost :),’ writes the Redditor, who notes that this possibility had not previously been mentioned to her. ‘I’m a natural ginger, so it’s not like I have an outrageous hair colour, although and her other bridesmaids are all brunettes.’” LOL STOP.
3. The Bride Who Took “Looking The Prettiest” To The Extreme
According to HuffPost UK: “I saw a bride kick ugly people out of a group photo.” All right, but like, who hasn’t done this?
4. The Bride Who I Ain’t Sayin’ Is A Gold Digger, But…
Ranker told the tale of one bride who demanded people in her wedding party be of a certain … caliber. “In what might be the worst Bridezilla manifesto of all time, one bridezilla wrote: ‘If you are poor, then you can’t afford to be my friend. Tax records, annual salary and home value may be used in evidence to assertion who is ‘wedding party worthy.’’” I’m dead.
5. The Bride Whose Groom Committed A Crime Against Fashion
In probably one of my favorite stories, HuffPost UK reports that a bride LEFT HER GROOM AT THE ALTAR over a terrible fashion crime. “Bride slapped her husband and left him at the altar as he was wearing a red tie instead of a bright pink flowery one that she wanted all the men to wear to fit in with her ‘pink princess wedding’. She told him in a text that he had ‘ruined her special day’.”
God bless the internet.
According to a story originally posted last week to Reddit by user sistersbridesmaids, a bride, who is low-key pettier than me in my Bachelorette group chat when my bracket gets fucked up by Rachel’s heart shitty taste in men, is inviting her friends to bid on a spot in her bridal party. Lol k. The post was originally written by the bride’s older sister but has since been mysteriously deleted. The thread still remains and because I am a nosy bitch who revels in gossip and Kardashian levels of family drama, I’ve taken time out of my v busy day to go through the comments of said thread. So let’s take a closer look, shall we?
Here’s what we know:
1. The bride is 22 years old and her sister is 33
2. According to the older sister, the bride is the youngest of four and is “spoiled”
3. The bride is throwing a party where her friends, FAMILY, and close acquaintances can bid to be bridesmaids
4. During the party auditions—AUDITIONS—will be held for the maid of honor position
First, I’d love to know more about these auditions. Is this like Miss America? Will there be a bikini portion? Will they be interviewed about their stance on world peace and also penis shaped party favors? I NEED ANSWERS, REDDIT TROLLS. Though I’m guessing the talent portion will consist of how well you can balance a psychopath in a white dress and her entire family while also getting shit-faced at the open bar. #Goals.
Apparently the bride is doing all of this as a means to fund her wedding, but the sister believes the groom is wealthy AF and she doesn’t really need the money; she just likes to watch her friends grovel for her attention for sport. Honestly, she seems charming. Would probably let her sit with us.
So, whatever, this bitch is clearly a self-absorbed asshole who wants to test the limits of her female friendships via a monetary Hunger Games but, like, who am I to fault her? Would I do this myself? No, because I much prefer someone not slip laxatives into my champagne on my wedding day but, you know, to each their own. Also, she’s 22 years old. OF COURSE SHE’S A PETTY, SELF-ABSORBED ASSHOLE. At 22 I was still stealing money from my mom’s purse and calling it a job. Like, give her a fucking break here.
Tbh I think the sister is the shadiest part about this post. Like why tf would you blast your family business all over Reddit? You are 33 years old and you handle your family shit about as well as Rob Kardashian. In a comment to another Reddit troll user, she tries to explain her sister’s actions with the below statement:
“My sister is kind of shallow (bet you’d never have guessed, right?) and mainly only associates with rich people, or more accurately people with rich families since none of these young 20s girls have ever held a job in their life unless it’s at their parents’ investment firm. So most of the people she sent to have the money for this kind of thing.”
Wooooooowwww. So what I’m hearing is:
She goes on to say:
“I know she also sent a few to older friends of hers, like from high school or earlier, who she’s not only lost touch with as they got older but also were from lower income backgrounds. She has no awareness about how inappropriate it is in many ways…My family is solidly middle class but my mom has always envied wealthier people and tried to impress and imitate them. My sister probably got this from her, and now my mom feels like she gets to be part of my sister’s life of partying and shopping and luxury vacations with her fiance.”
This is low-key Khloé shitting on Kris and Kim on a rando internet site, right? Because this shit cannot possibly be real. It’s either that or some dude living in his mom’s basement pulling a Dan Humphrey and making this shit up.
Reddit, I know you probs have some lame privacy policy but I’ll be trolling the internet waiting patiently until you confirm the identity of “sistersbridesmaids” and all of my theories.
