It’s officially fall (she says while sipping an iced coffee in 71 degree weather), and that means the season of lingerie as outerwear is coming to a close. In fact, if you’re
kind of flat-chested looking to keep your feud with HR alive and well, the oversized sweater rotation you wear for the next six months may even be a bra-optional situation. The good news here is that your lingerie no longer has to serve any kind of functional purpose (unlike in the summer, when the lacy bralette showing through your drop-armhole tank had to somehow also offer full support and not make you sweat uncontrollably). So, now is the time to stock up on all the lingerie pieces that can’t really be worn outside the house, but when’s the last time you really wanted to leave anyway? Stay in and stare at how amazing your boobs look Snapchat your latest Bumble date with one of these pieces peeking out; it’s basically guaranteed that he’ll help make sure you don’t have to leave bed.
If you’re feeling nostalgic for your Lara Croft Halloween costume, and you’re not quite ready to give up that level of dangerous/sexy, this is the lingerie for you. While I know this isn’t exactly a budget piece, I once bought an Agent Provocateur corset and
my parents rightfully froze my bank account it’s honestly the most joy I’ve ever gotten from a single clothing purchase. If you choose to buy this bodysuit, prepare to set aside the next six hours to saunter in front of a mirror, drink champagne, apply red lipstick, and masturbate furiously whatever else you do when you’re basking in the glow of your own hotness.
Warning: This is not for anyone with a cup size of over a B (sorry!). Given that it’s composed of about 12 inches of floral lace and some black silk ribbon, this is the G-string of bras (except a thousand times cuter than whatever you think of when you hear the term “G-string”). Throw on your softest cashmere cardigan, unbutton half the buttons, and add some over-the-knee socks for the perfect “fell out of study hall and into your librarian porno” fall look. Or, wear it under a silk robe at home for some disingenuous “casually unwinding with a bubble bath in the background” Snap stories.
If you’re looking to channel your inner Cheryl Blossom, I can’t think of a better way to go than this La Perla bodysuit. You might not have her red hair or perfect red lipstick, but you know this is what Cheryl would wear if her scheming ever required elaborate seduction (please let that happen, and please let her hold some kind of terrifying prop, like throwing stars or a musket). Where the Agent Provocateur bodysuit requires more of a Hadid level of body confidence, this bodysuit offers a little more support, coverage, and overall flattering fit. Plus, the fact that it’s November means everything you see is going to be Christmas themed by like, tomorrow, so this red is basically a seasonal necessity.
I couldn’t help myself, I had to include more than one Agent Provocateur piece on this list. The eyelash trim, the tulle “wings,” the satin bows—everything about this bra is so delightfully extra and such a necessary gift to yourself. I’m not even sure you could wear this bra under a shirt if you wanted to; it would be the up-top equivalent of the panty lines you’d get trying to wear these matching panties. So if you’re in any way trying to stock up on functional, versatile pieces, this is not the look for you. This set is designed to be worn with nothing else, and is a good surprise for someone you feel romantic enough about to go for a soft navy instead of classic black.
As temperatures continue to drop, there are going to be people who tell you it’s time to descend into sweatpants and fleece blankets and not come out until May. Those people are wearing cotton boyshorts from Old Navy, and you don’t need that kind of negativity. Stock up on a little lace and enjoy the fact that being this hot doesn’t stop on Labor Day.
I not only hate bras more than the average woman, but I especially loathe strapless bras. I mean, I think I speak for everyone here when I say they don’t actually do anything for a barely-there chest other than cover your nipples (if that). Like, hello, just because you’re strapless doesn’t mean I can’t have some motherfucking support and perkiness to fool everyone into thinking I’m two cup sizes bigger than I actually am. THEN, when I actually find a strapless bra I can tolerate, it stretches out after two minutes of wear and literally falls down to my hips. Now, before you blast me with feminist “free the nipple” comments—because yes, I know, it’s 2017 and we don’t actually have to wear bras to begin with—some of us (hi) aren’t cool with letting the nip hang out during adult-like such as my job, so therefore, a strapless bra becomes a necessity. Also, you can’t just wear a normal bra with straps under an off-the-shoulder-top. Otherwise:
For the cooler temps and halter top weather to come, here are the best strapless bras that won’t fail you for once.
1. Harper Wilde The Flex
This is a non-bullshit bra from a non-bullshit company. From women who truly understand how annoying and ridiculously expensive bra shopping can be, Harper Wilde has created bras that fit our needs without the bullshit of lace, frills, and sharp sequins. The everyday strapless, The Flex, comes in neutral shades to layer underneath the most delicate tops. It features a no-slip seam, because bras are not belts, and has light padding to keep you lifted all day long.
2. La Perla Update Strapless Bra
This is basically a bandeau and bra rolled into one. It’s super lightweight and comfortable, so honestly, you may even forget you’re wearing it. The shades, nude or black, are each perfect for layering under light blouses. It comes with a secure underwire as well as molded cups and removable padding. Bless.
3. True&Co. Sylvia Strapless
There’s a reason why this bra is rated number one and known as one of the best strapless bras known to woman. It’s actually a multi-way bra, which if you’ve ever even stepped foot into Victoria’s Secret, you’d know that it comes with two straps, but both can be converted to fit whatever style top you’re wearing. Life-changing, I know. This bra is ultra light, seamless, and created to provide the most natural look from office #mood to happy hour shenanigans.
4. Body By Victoria’s Secret Multi-Way Bra
Speaking of Victoria’s Secret, our fave underwear store also makes a great multi-way bra. The fully adjustable removable straps can be worn five different ways for the utmost comfort and support, regardless of the bodysuit or shoulder coverage your outfit provides (or doesn’t). It comes with a memory fit (designed for your tatas only) and lightly lined cups for max support. It comes in a shit ton of colors, including this pretty lace you can def get away with wearing as a bandeau.
5. Soma Enhancing Shape Strapless Push Up Bra
The contouring bra provides extra comfort and support for the most natural-looking, perky twins you could ever ask for. The “age-defying” bra assures your boobs will never sag for as long as you wear it. The seamless appearance eliminates under-shirt bulging and awk gaping between your skin and the bra itself. It stays put all day and will *finally* be the answer to all your strapless bra prayers.
Despite the sweltering heat, summer is def the best season because it’s the one time a year a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it. Is it really summer if you don’t see a group of basic betches like myself at like, some music festival on Randall’s Island in short-ass shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out? Um, fucking no. Not only does summer coincide with every girl looking like clones of Vanessa Hudgens at Coachella, but add in a progressive feminist movement à la #FreeTheNipple and the concept of not wearing a bra is basically as forced upon us as an irrational unicorn obsession.
If freeing the nip is all the rage, then you may as well join ‘em because I know the first thing you do when you get home (after drinking wine out of the bottle), is toss your bra onto the nearest surface. With summer fashion requiring so much boobage, the last thing you need is horrible boob sweat. Like, no fucking thank you. But even if you skip the bra, you don’t have to flash the whole city and feel as though you’re lactating with the replacement that is a versatile bralette. Here are 5 comfortable, sexy styles to wear this summer because slutty is in fashion rn no one likes wearing bras and boob sweat is fucking gross.
1. Hanky Panky Signature Lace Padded Bralette
Black lace bralettes are literally a must-have, regardless of the time of year. It’s black (fucking duh) so it not only fits in with the rest of your entire wardrobe, but if you’re into the mesh/see-through everything trend, this is perfect to use for (minimal) coverage. Since it’s wireless and v comfortable, you can layer this under an oversized crop top if you know you’ll be showing some major side boob.
2. Only Hearts Eco Lace Bralette
This neutral style fits like your fave bandeau—except without the whole falling down, having-to-pull-it-up-every-five-seconds thing. Wear this under a trendy T-shirt dress for a casual daytime look. To really look like you know WTF you’re doing, pair with dark jeans under a longline jacket in hopes your street style game is half as good as Kendall Jenner’s.
3. Pour Moi Amour Convertible Bralette C-G Cup
If you’re like me and feel as though you could have a nip slip at any moment with a tiny piece of fabric, this one is designed to keep your boobs in check regardless of their size. With size options that go all the way up to G, you can layer this bralette with or without straps and still slay the dance floor—or so tequila makes you believe.
4. Les Coquines Bette Bralette
With a style as lightweight as this, you’ll have a refreshing breeze every time you wear it so you can at least feel assured that you won’t get a sweat stain in the middle of your chest. Wear this bralette under a plunging bodysuit or jumper for an equal balance of pretty and hoe (which incidentally is my Tinder bio).
5. Ann Summers Wynne Bralette
This probably looks like that high-neck bralette you got at Victoria’s Secret and that’s because it basically is but like, this one is so much better. Unlike some rough shit that scratches you every time you fucking move, this sheer lace feels comfortable and secure enough to lounge all day in. Wear alone as a shirt with denim cut-offs or wear under a denim jacket to your next music fest.