Unless you’re still dating your high school boyfriend like seven years later (congrats, weirdo), you’ve def come across a guy at some point and wondered, “is he actually into me or am I just a hookup?” It’s something that you should figure out, specifically if you’re emotionally unstable and afraid of rejection. Though I’m sure it’s baffling that everyone isn’t in love with you, men are, as a rule, idiots.
Once upon a time, I was an absolute moron and basically thought that if I started talking to a guy I’d eventually date him. That’s when I stumbled upon the Betches dating book, I Had A Nice Time And Other Lies, one day and got a clue. This isn’t even #sponsored, it’s just how I found my way to this website. But also buy their new book because it’s equally brilliant. K sorry I’ll stop fangirling.
Anyway, you don’t want to be a dumbass by focusing on a single guy and refusing to talk to other potentially even hotter guys just because you’re convinced that you’re going to start dating and you don’t want to ruin it. That’s stupid for so many reasons. Basically, here are all the signs you’re just a hookup that I wish I had always known. These have been gathered from my friends and my own idiocy. I also polled some of my guy friends so you could get the ~inside scoop~.
Hopefully, you already know the obvious. If he only texts you at 2am, he doesn’t want to date you. But boys, despite being complete buffoons to girls, are tbh a little sneaky sometimes. So without further ado, here are some slightly less obvious signs you’re just a hookup and he’s not that into you, sorry bb.
1. You’ve Never Seen Him Consume Anything But Alcohol
Either he’s secretly a vampire (cue a Vampire Diaries marathon) or he doesn’t want to waste money buying you food when he can just buy you shots in a few hours when you meet up at a bar. “Oh yeah, we’ll get dinner next time but come to Kell’s tonight!” Don’t fall for that.
2. He Takes Forever To Reply
He takes a day to text you back, and when he does, his texts makes no sense, he doesn’t answer any of your questions, he OBNRs your Snapchat (if you’re, like, under 21 this is especially important), etc. it’s one of the surefire signs you’re just a hookup. If he replies with, “Oh sorry just saw this” or “Was slammed this week with work,” you should call BS and move on. Three different guys I polled were like, “we’re always lying when we say this,” sooo consider it a line.
3. He Doesn’t Take You To Brunch The Next Morning
Just because he let you sleep over does not mean he’s necessarily into you. Like, okay, he didn’t shove you out of bed at 4am. So, he’s… a semi-decent human being? I wouldn’t go announcing your impending nuptials. Ask yourself a few more questions: Did you wake up wedged between the mattress and the wall with no covers? Did he mutter something about how the door locks and run off to “use the bathroom” so you can change and leave ASAP? Did he promise to text you later even though you haven’t even exchanged numbers? If you answer yes to any of these questions, ding ding ding (!!) he’s an asshole, and he’s probs not into you.
If, however, he offers to take you out for brunch, or even just a casual coffee at Philz, then things are looking up. At the very least, he better text you after hooking up.
4. He Doesn’t Talk With You About Substantial Things
Do you know anything about his life? Like, does he have a little sister? Have a favorite food? Know when his next midterm is? And more importantly, does he know anything about you? Does he remember your birthday? Or like, I don’t know, if you have a huge presentation for work? Basically, if he knows details about you, that means he cares enough to remember boring sh*t about your life. If he only remembers to text you Saturday night because ~suddenly~ he wants to know “what’s up” then leave him on read.
5. He’s Rude In Person
Either he’s supremely awkward (in which case, ew byeeeeee) or he just doesn’t want to talk to you. Sure, it’s immature to be standing eight inches away from someone and not say hi, but really, you can’t expect much from 22-year-olds who still think they’re in a frat. Anyway, if he looks away when you walk by or mutters “hey” before walking off in the other direction aggressively “texting” then yeah, he’s not interested.
Even though it may suck to realize that your future husband potential boyfriend person of interest isn’t actually, um, interested in you, it’s a healthy thing to realize. You really don’t want to waste time and brain space on a guy that’s not good enough for you anyway when you could be finding someone else instead or bingeing all the Netflix romcoms ever created, because tbh that sounds more fun.
Images: Giphy (4)
Dear Betches,
I am suffering from some serious drunken regrets right now! I was casually seeing (regularly having sex, going on dates ~3x/week, talking every day, etc.) this guy for about 3-4 months. Naturally/unfortunately, I started to catch feelings and when I brought up how I felt and wanting to be a bit more serious, and he wasn’t on the same page, we decided to end things and left off on good terms about a month ago.
I usually pride myself in my ability to not drunk text, but I was especially wasted this weekend and texted him around midnight. I was out and he was at home sober, but I told him to come over and he did. Totally blacked out when he got there and woke up confused with him in my bed. Usually we’d get breakfast or something, but he told me I was so wasted the night before and being so weird, saying the stupidest things, etc., but he wouldn’t tell me what! He left shortly after and ever since I’ve been so embarrassed and can’t stop obsessing over what I must’ve been acting like. I know I shouldn’t care, we don’t have many mutual friends and he’s not someone I run into when I’m out, but still, I did have feelings for him and I don’t like that his opinion of me probably isn’t that great anymore.
Any tips on how I can get over the regret and embarrassment I’m feeling?
I love when people write into me like “How do I stop feeling sad over my ex?” or in this case “How do I stop feeling embarrassed?” The short answer is: you just fucking do it. I wish I could control other people’s feelings, but I can’t do that. If I could, I would use my superpowers for the greater good, i.e., getting Future to fall in love with me and not helping you overcome one slightly embarrassing moment. Just let it go/laugh it off. Everyone says dumb shit when they’re drunk at some point or another. Until I complete the final testing on my time machine, you can’t go back and un-say what you said to this guy. But for the record, when my time traveling device is complete I’m not sharing it with you bitches.
Dear Betch,
I dated my best friend and it ended terribly. He started seeing his ex again (primary reason for the break up) and I am absolutely psychotic and agreed to try and be friends (stupid) after a few tears were shed between the two of us. He informed me that his girlfriend doesn’t like me (not shit, I wouldn’t like me, either). I don’t want to be her friend and I don’t care whether or not she likes me but I am afraid that if I were to agree to be his friend: 1. she would turn him against me (she has already tried) and 2. that he just says he wants to be friends because he feels bad about what happened or wants me to tell him that what he did to me was okay and that as soon as I agree to be his friend again he will stop trying because he won’t feel bad about it anymore.
There is no way on his own that he would stop talking to me—I am his best friend and we used to be inseparable. But the friendship was already damaged by our breakup and he has known her for much longer than he has known me. He also obviously chose her over me and was he a true friend if he could use me when he was lonely and move on that easily? They jumped back into their relationship the same day he broke up with me.
I am currently not speaking to him and told him that it is not likely that we can ever be friends. Although I agreed that our relationship got boring (his fault, no doubt in my mind) I think it was because I was trying so hard to make him happy since I knew I was the only person who could. We were a lot better when we were just friends but I don’t know that he needs me now since he’s the type of person that drops his friends and only sees his girlfriend when he’s in a relationship.
I am considering two routes: not talking to him until they break up and he realizes how stupid he was for getting back together with her for the 38924th time or being a friend and talking to him. The main problem is that he really fucked up in a super serious way and I am the best person capable of understanding the situation. While it was frustrating to have to deal with everything with his problem, I know the best way for him to move on from it is by talking to me.
I don’t want to lose him as a friend but he really didn’t treat me like one by treating me so badly and getting back with his ex after he was well aware that I would not be able to accept that. She treated him so badly and it’s one of those things where you hate your best friends ex and every time they get back together and they have the same stupid drama you just want to scream GET OVER IT you’re not going to marry each other!!!!!! I told him that if he wanted to get back together with her he would lose me as a friend and that is exactly what he chose. He keeps asking if there is anything he can do to make it up to me but he must not have cared that much about me if he used me as a rebound and got back with his ex right?
The last time they got back together I honestly did continue talking to him in the hopes that we would start hooking up again but after being together for a while the sex got boring so I don’t even know that this is worth it. The only things I could get out of this now are the “you were right, I shouldn’t have done that” and maybe making him feel a little better (but I don’t know that he deserves to).
Is he being genuine or does he just want to feel better about what he did? Or is he holding on to me to make sure he has a backup plan?
Sorry for rambling :/
You’re all over the place. First, you’re blaming him for being a boring boyfriend. Then, you’re saying nobody could make him happy like you could. Are you a ’90s pop singer? Cut that shit out. I’m getting whiplash rn from all the different positions you take in this letter (I will withold the Trump jokes—for now). Anyway, yeah, you should stop being friends with this dude. Do I really have to rehash the “You never had a guy friend, you had someone who was willing to play the long game and wait it out until he could fuck you” thing? Because I’ll do it. Oh wait, I guess I just did. Anyway, yeah, stop talking to him. If you dated, he’s no longer your “friend”—he’s your ex. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend talking to an ex he just broke up with, either.
Also, “I know the best way for him to move on from it is by talking to me” ??? Bitch, what? You really think the best way for this guy to get over his relationship with you is by talking to you about it? Are you on drugs? I don’t have time for this. Distance yourself from this “friend.” Bye.
