Which ‘Bachelor’ Alums Will Hook Up At Stagecoach 2020? Our Predictions

Summer 2019 will be remembered for many reasons. It was hot girl summer. It was the summer we discovered that when you play the Game of Thrones, you drink Starbucks or you die. We took our horse to the Old Town Road. And of course, we couldn’t turn on our televisions without hearing about Stagecoach. Stagecoach. Stagecoach. Stagecoach. Annoyed yet? Exactly. By now, anyone with a TV and moderate pop culture knowledge, as well as those of us that were chained to our couches for four hours a week, seven weeks in a row *raises hand* have the word Stagecoach etched into the back of our eyelids. We see Blake’s haircut in our nightmares. And now, we get to do it all over again! That’s right, Stagecoach just announced their 2020 lineup, and that sound you hear is hundreds of former Bachelor cast members finally clicking order on the “authentic cowboy hat” they had saved in their Revolve cart for weeks. We know that last year Stagecoach was a fountain of wealth for Blake, but who will get themselves into sexual pickle this year? Read on for our predictions! 

Blake Horstmann and Caitlin Clemmens

View this post on Instagram

Off to @bachelorinparadise tonight!🌴👙 I figured a @stagecoach throwback would be an appropriate way to kick start this adventure in Mexico! 😂 Who’s tuning in at 8pm tonight!? #bachelorinparadise #bachelor

A post shared by Caitlin Clemmens (@cclemmentine) on

Blake might have been publicly shamed for his behavior at Stagecoach last year, but that doesn’t mean he won’t return to the scene of the crime to revel in his former glory. Mindhunter reminded me that serial killers do that, so I think it’s pretty fair to assume that a serial booty-caller would do it as well. Here’s my prediction for Blake: While he’s remembering his former conquests, he will run into Caitlin Clemmens, who he dumped in Paradise to give Kristina a “friend rose.” He’ll realize he never slept with her at last year’s Stagecoach. He’ll apologize. He’ll cry. He’ll mention that time his mom was sleeping with his coach. And bam! Just like that, they’ll sleep together. Then he’ll block her on Instagram and start DM’ing her friends. You deserved better, Caitlin! And I’m not just saying that because we have the same name!  

Amanda Stanton and Morgan Wallen

View this post on Instagram

I know they say I move on too fast but this one gon last (cause her name is Andi…and I’m so good with that) ❤️

A post shared by Amanda Stanton (@amanda_stantonn) on

Hear me out. Morgan Wallen is one of the acts performing on night one. Sure, he has a mullet, but he’s single and I don’t hate his music, which I have heard live at a Florida Georgia Line concert with my mother and her friends (Don’t ask. Okay, fine, ask, but that story is for another time). Amanda’s BFF Lauren Bushnell is engaged to another country singer, Chris Lane, and since Lauren and Amanda are basically morphing into the same person, why not also date men who are virtually interchangeable? Plus, Morgan’s on the rise, and Amanda might need someone with ~influence~ to get her out of all that legal trouble, am I right? 

Derek Peth and Kirpa Sudick

View this post on Instagram

when you realize you’re all out of wine and it’s bachelor monday 🍷 #hangchinthere #thebachelor

A post shared by Kirpa Sudick (@kirpasudick) on

Poor Derek. He’s never going to be the Bachelor. Demi dumped him and then got engaged to someone else. He got in a screaming match at a wedding before anyone was even drunk. It was a rough summer for our favorite Jim Halpert lookalike. But, as JPJ aggressively pointed out, Derek has a podcast, and what better way to promote said podcast than by being at Stagecoach? In any case, Derek deserves love. I’d love to see Derek with Kirpa from Colton’s season. She’s gorgeous, and she’s funny, and she didn’t get half the attention I feel she deserved. That chin injury was solid gold. And based on the fact that Derek and Demi got along so well, I like to think that he’d be into another funny girl. Do it, guys!! Make me proud!

Mike Johnson and Becca Tilley

View this post on Instagram

Feet hurt too bad to think of a caption! 🤠🎡

A post shared by Becca Tilley (@beccatilley) on

^^It’s alarming how much all these pictures look alike 

Mike Johnson continues to shoot his shot with the hottest celebrities, and I think the sooner he realizes that only a select few celebrities watch The Bachelorette and know who he is, the better. When that day comes, I think he’ll settle down and find himself a nice Bachelor woman, and I’m betting it will be Becca Tilley. Of the still-single Bachelor alums, she is one of the most famous. Plus, she’s just launched her own clothing line, and she’s hot. I only want good things for Mike, and if that can’t be eternal happiness with me, I guess I’m cool with him settling for Becca.

Jed Wyatt and Kristina Schulman

View this post on Instagram

Yesterday was a dream. Thank you @iheartradio @millerlite @kramergirl for such a great day. 🇺🇸

A post shared by Jed Wyatt (@jedwyatt) on

^^Never gonna be Stagecoach, pal

PLOT TWIST!!! Jed shows up to Stagecoach in a desperate ploy to get attention, and torments serenades all the women walking in to the tune of “I wanna be your Mr. Right.” Only Kristina falls for it. 

And those are my predictions! What do you think will happen at Stagecoach 2020? Will people find a more original picture location? Will we have little Bachelor Nation offspring running around nine months later? Will cast members get hit with more lawsuits? Only time will tell!

Images: cclemmentine, amanda_stanton, kirpasudick, beccatilley, jedwyatt/Instagram

UPDATED: A Full Breakdown Of Blake And Caelynn’s Messy Texts

UPDATE: The fallout in Bachelor Nation surrounding the Blake/Caelynn/Kristina drama has continued throughout this week, and last night Caelynn finally spoke out about what’s been going on. After Blake posted and deleted their texts on Tuesday night, Caelynn responded on Wednesday with a lengthy statement on her Instagram.

First, Caelynn immediately owned up to sending those texts, but said that the screenshots from Stagecoach are not an accurate representation of their relationship. She also said that she’s “mortified” that her private texts were published by someone she considered a friend. I actually feel for her on this. In this era of social media scandals and receipts, it’s become super common for people to publish text screenshots, but it’s definitely still an invasion of privacy.

Caelynn also says that it seems like she and Blake just had different ideas of what their relationship was. She clarifies that when she said Blake “ghosted” her, she was referring to before Stagecoach, after they had been talking for a few months. This makes more sense, given that they were definitely texting between Stagecoach and the time they left for Paradise. 

View this post on Instagram

Here we go… I am not here to deny those text messages or the conversations that took place. Things got taken out of context on the show, and a large part of the story is missing. The reality of the situation is that Blake was not a one night stand at a music festival and the ‪5 am‬ text exchange that Blake chose to share is not an accurate representation of our past relationship. I take ownership for what I said on the beach. I was upset and I let my emotions control my words. However, I did not go on a show to ruin someone’s character. I attempted to address my feelings and the situation with Blake face to face. It’s unfortunate that I didn't get the same respect in return, and I am absolutely mortified our private texts were put out there for the world to see and judge by someone who I trusted and consider a friend nonetheless. It’s clear to me that Blake and I had different ideas of what our “relationship” was. We started talking months before Stagecoach. We FaceTimed everyday and talked about potentially skipping paradise to be together. When I say he ghosted me, it was after those few months of us talking.  It was my understanding there was no one else and I thought we were on the same page. What infuriates me the most is that I’m being trolled for having sex because of what I’ve been through. I want to be very clear that I am not looking for sympathy. I took the necessary steps to move on and heal, but I will not be abstinent for the rest of my life because of it. This is a complicated situation considering it’s not only on TV, but has taken a life of its own on the internet.  This could’ve been over after last night’s episode, but since it’s now all over Instagram, I felt like it was imperative to share my truth. We all have our own perception of how different situations unfold and there are many sides to this story. I hope that we can all move forward and support one another, rather than tear each other down. I have moved on and I am excited to continue to share the rest of my journey with you all.

A post shared by Caelynn Miller-Keyes (@caelynnmillerkeyes) on

While Caelynn does an okay job of trying to move past the drama, I do think she did an important thing by addressing the comments people have made about her. As someone who has been open about her history with sexual assault, she is adamant that she will live her life how she wants to, whether people approve or not.

Unsurprisingly, the person who came out of this with the best take was none other than Bekah Martinez:

sharing private sexual conversations is fucked up.
manipulating the truth to gain…attention? pity? or whatever is also fucked up.
each person was fully aware of how their actions would affect the other person.

so in conclusion i ship caelynn+blake

— bekah martinez ♡ (@whats_ur_sign_) August 8, 2019

Yeah, basically Blake and Caelynn both did some messed up sh*t, which is not that surprising, and maybe they really do belong together. This season of Bachelor in Paradise is already iconic, so I can’t wait to see how the rest of this mess unfolds.

I’m usually not a big Bachelor watcher, but damn, Paradise is already bringing the heat this year. Obviously, you can read our full recaps for all of the drama that’s going down with Chris Harrison’s messy beach crew, but the nightmare that’s unfolded between Caelynn and Blake (and Kristina, and Tayshia, etc.) is worthy of its own analysis. After Tuesday night’s episode, Blake took to Instagram to share screenshots of his pre-Paradise texts with Caelynn, and it started a sh*t storm of epic proportions.

One would imagine the point of Blake sharing the texts would be to clear his name, but honestly, they just make the whole situation murkier. On the show, Caelynn is making Blake seem like the world’s biggest asshole, but the texts don’t make her look so great either. To make matters even more confusing, Blake then deleted the screenshots from his story, saying that he “never wanted Caelynn to get attacked like this.” Sorry buddy, but it’s a little too late, because we obviously have all the screenshots saved.

In the first set of three screenshots, which Blake captions “Stagecoach,” we see him and Caelynn in a back-and-forth that might be flirting, but really comes across as more creepy on Caelynn’s part. She says she’s coming over, and he protests over and over again as she tells him to “chill” and “loosen up.” She then says she ordered an Uber, which is seriously questionable to me. Like, if I told someone multiple times not to come over and they said they ordered an Uber, I would immediately take out a restraining order, and probably move out of the country.

In the second screenshot, we can see that Blake has cropped out the majority of a photo, and that really weakens his case here. When someone posts text screenshots as proof of something, there’s always a chance that they’ve added or removed things to shape the narrative, so Blake should’ve just left the entire photo so we wouldn’t be left wondering what he’s leaving out.

In the second chunk of texts, Caelynn says something weird about sleeping in the shower, and then continues to taunt Blake when he says that they can cuddle but not have sex. Even if she was joking around with him, it’s not a great look. Think about it this way: if it was a woman telling a man that she wouldn’t have sex with him, and his response was “Yes sex. Only sex,” I don’t think we’d be having a discussion about who’s right and who’s wrong.

But then, Blake flips it around and says something gross about how Caelynn acts when she starts drinking. I think he might be saying that after she drinks she’s going to want to cuddle, but it’s all very confusing at this point. I have a feeling they’d both already been drinking, and no one said these two were the smartest people in the world to begin with.

I totally understand if Caelynn just wanted to have sex with Blake (me too before this week), but these texts make her seem thirsty at best, and verging on problematic/predatory. We’ll never really know exactly what went down between all of the Paradise people at Stagecoach, but these texts don’t really do anything to clarify the situation, for better or worse. All we really know is that it was messy, which isn’t new information.

The most interesting portion of the texts, in my opinion, are the ones that Blake labels “1 week before paradise.” In these manic conversations, Blake and Caelynn are both up in arms about how to deal with their past relationship, as it pertains to Paradise. It’s unclear what was the inciting incident for these texts, but obviously something happened that really freaked both Blake and Caelynn out. It seems most likely that someone found out about their relationship from a third party, and they were afraid that their trips to Paradise would be affected if everyone found out.

I’m not really sure why they were so afraid of people finding out, because obviously messy AF ABC isn’t about to turn down the drama of two people with a contentious past. They live for this sh*t. Have you seen how they invited Clay and Angela to the beach? But perhaps there was something in their Paradise contracts about not telling anyone until they were on camera? It makes sense that production would want them to save the biggest drama for while the cameras were rolling, and if everyone on the beach already knew about Stagecoach, this week of Paradise would’ve basically just been JPJ throwing up.

The texts about Colton and Cassie start to bring things into the light a little bit more. It seems like Caelynn probably had previously told Cassie about hooking up with Blake, and so they were worried that she and/or Colton had spread the information to other people. Honestly, I totally wouldn’t put it past those two to totally narc on Caelynn, but they said they didn’t know what happened.

In that text where Blake talks about telling someone “so that she isn’t crazy mad when she is down there,” he’s probably referring to Hannah G, but more on that in a minute.

In the further texts, Caelynn and Blake are still going back and forth about what to do, I guess in terms of whether or not they should even go on the show? It seems like they both knew they didn’t want to tell anyone about their relationship, so I’m not sure what else they would be debating. On the show, Caelynn talks about how Blake said that hooking up with her was a mistake, and in these texts, he basically says just that. We might still be missing some context, but Caelynn wasn’t fully lying.

Really, it’s tough because we’ll never know what happened on that phone call, or any of the other times they talked on the phone. They were both clearly really nervous about this whole situation, but I think a lot of it actually comes back to Hannah G. In the last texts that Blake posted, Caelynn messages him to ask if he’s told her yet, presumably referring to their history.

Even though it weirdly hasn’t really been addressed on the show, everyone pretty much knew before the show that Hannah G and Blake were into each other. Caelynn did say that Hannah was one of the women Blake was DMing the morning after they hooked up at Stagecoach. Hannah and Caelynn are friends from Colton’s season, so it makes sense that Caelynn would be nervous about Hannah’s reaction to finding out. We don’t know the timeline of when Blake was talking to each of these women (probably all at the same time), but it was bound to get messy when they all found out.

We don’t even know if Blake and Caelynn ever told Hannah G before the show, but either way, things have obviously gone bad for him on the first few nights of Paradise. These texts are a lot to get through, but I think the biggest takeaway is that Caelynn has been very favorable to herself in how she’s characterized her relationship with Blake. From the texts, it seems unlikely that she really thought they were ever in an exclusive relationship, and he definitely wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to tell everyone about them.

There’s still a lot more Bachelor In Paradise to go, and I’m sure we’ll get a lot more drama between Blake and basically every woman there, but for now, he should probably refrain from posting more screenshots on Instagram. He might not be the only asshole in the situation, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still an asshole.

If you’re as ready for this messy af season of Bachelor in Paradise as we are, make sure to get your Betchelor Nation Tee from Shop Betches now.

Images: balockaye.h (7) / Instagram

Our Spoiler-Free Predictions For The ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Couples

The Bachelorette finale is this week, but as we wait with bated breath to find out which fame whore Hannah is contractually obligated to spend the next 90 days with, I’ve already moved on. Why, you ask? Because next week, Bachelor in Paradise begins! It’s the best show in the franchise because it has the most drama, the most tears, and as my mother says, the most “swapping of STDs.” She said it, not me! I can’t help it, I just love watching Bachelor Nation get drunk and hit on each other. It’s like taking a secret peek into all their DMs, and even though it’s horrifyingly messy and you’re so embarrassed, national TV won’t let you look away. What could be better?

My favorite thing to do as we approach the Bachelor in Paradise premiere is predict the couples that will come out of the season. I don’t want to brag *wink*, but I did correctly predict Kendall and Joe last season, and that was when all the spoilers were saying she was getting with Leo. Some people might say I’m a bit of a BiP savant. Okay, fine, those people are me, I say it. And now I’m back again to work my magic. Let me preface these predictions and tell you that I’ve based them off one trailer that I half-watched while a Law & Order: SVU marathon was playing, and I’ve included some people that are not on the official released list of cast members because I saw them on the preview, so I know they were there. You can’t fool me, ABC! So, are we ready to make sweeping assumptions about people’s character in order to pair them up with other people we’ve made sweeping assumptions about? I sure am! 

Annaliese Puccini And Cam Ayala, Chris Bukowski, John Paul Jones

I don’t get why Annaliese has such a problem finding love. I mean, sure, she has multiple irrational fears including bumper cars and puppies, but I grew up with a paralyzing fear of poppable balloons and that’s never stopped me from being lov… oh, wait. I take it back. 

Last season, Annaliese seemed to cycle through all the men that no one wanted so that she always had a man and a rose, only to get unceremoniously dumped by a “social media participant” on the Paradise reunion. It seems she’s somehow recovered from that humiliation, and is back for more. A leopard can’t change its spots, so I think she’ll do the same thing this season and pick up the guys that no self-respecting bumper car lover would ever be interested in. And that means Cam Ayala, a skinny white dude that raps and says “ABC, Always Be Cam”; Chris Bukowski, a guy who is so old it’s probably illegal for him to be in the same room as most of these women; and John Paul Jones, our very first serial killer to grace The Bachelor. Thanks for taking one for the team, Annaliese! 

Demi Burnett And Bri Barnes

Okay, this one is a shot in the dark. In the trailer, Demi is seen making out with a woman and saying that she’s in love. The woman looks like she is tall, white, and blonde. But, no one that I saw on the cast list really fits that description. So, I’m literally casting someone myself, and if I’m right, I will expect endless accolades and will be insufferable for the rest of my life. Bri was the one who showed up on Colton’s season pretending to have an Australian accent. She didn’t last long, but that’s a ballsy move to get noticed, and something I think Demi would think was hilarious and appreciate. And Bri fits the physical description. That’s all I got, but I think relationships have been based on less, right Arie?

Also, Demi, if you’re looking for a sexually fluid dating show next time, might I suggest the sh*t show that is Are You The One? I think you’d fit in nicely. 

Blake Horstmann And Hannah Godwin

Once Blake manages to finish crying over his parent’s divorce, Hannah will swim to him through his river of tears and together they will form the most perfect, most boring, All-American couple. 

Caelynn Miller-Keyes And Dean Unglert

This Caelynn and Dean prediction might be influenced by things I’ve seen around the internet but never clicked on, I’ll admit it. We must be willing to accept help in order to predict correctly be our best selves, right? 

I’m a little concerned by this pairing because the preview makes Dean look like a 70’s pedophile with a giggling problem, so I can’t really imagine what will draw Caelynn to him. I do imagine that once they get together Caelynn insists on a Miss Congeniality-esque makeover for Dean, and he will emerge from a beach hut resplendent, dripping in sweat, and flipping his hair to the tune of “Mustang Sally”. 

Bibiana Julian And Mike Johnson

Bibiana didn’t have much luck last year, and I want her to find love SO BADLY. She is funny, sassy, and has short hair, so basically she is me if I was willing to humiliate myself in exchange for a FabFitFun sponsorship. Mike is hot, and sweet, and would call Bibiana a queen, which I think she really needs to hear (just a guess!). What a perfect couple. And yes, I basically did just set myself up with Mike. Call me! 

So those are the pairings I think will be getting together this season on Paradise! Best of luck to all the happy couples, and if you decide to get married next season I hope you’ll consider a prenup. 

Images: Giphy (5)

UPDATED: Who’s Going On ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Season 6?

I’ll go ahead and share an unpopular opinion: summer is kind of a trash season. Sure, the first month of day drinking out in the sun is fun—but the next two months are exhausting. By the time August rolls around, there’s literally nothing I’d rather do than curl up in an air-conditioned room and binge on Bachelor in Paradise. Since we have to suffer through another round of The Bachelorette before ABC will give us what we really want, they’re keeping Bachelor in Paradise season 6 cast decisions pretty quiet for now. But because I’m ~that bitch~ I decided to creep around the internet anyway and see what I could find out. Here’s who you should (and shouldn’t) expect to see on Bachelor in Paradise season 6.

Demi Burnett

Demi Bachelor

Demi is the closest thing we have to a fully confirmed BiP contestant, given that Chris Harrison said we’d “see again somewhere” on Women Tell All. Unless they’re giving her her own talk show, that’s a pretty clear indication she’ll be hitting the beach in August. Also, it kind of seems like fans would riot in the streets if she didn’t join the cast, so I’m glad both ABC and Demi are going along with it.

Forget about @colton jumping the fence, I’m more hyped for @demi_burnett to spill some TEA tomorrow night?☕️

(She better be on Bachelor in Paradise or I’m gonna fight someone)

— lauren ღ (@laurennn2313) March 5, 2019

Courtney Curtis

Courtney Bachelor

Yes, the contestant who stuffed a pacifier in Demi’s mouth on Women Tell All. Yes, I do think that’s the only reason she’ll be offered a role, and no, I don’t think she’ll last very long. However, Courtney has proven that she is drama-hungry enough to do just about anything, and has precisely the kind of high tolerance for embarrassing herself that’s required to appear on the Bachelor franchise. We’ll get her back on Bachelor in Paradise season 6 if for no other reason than two episodes of re-ignited Demi drama.

Courtney baby you only got screentime an a possible spot on Paradise because of Demi be grateful and keep it pushing sis cause Demi is winning this fight ? #WomenTellAll pic.twitter.com/V89GLStNK5

— Olivia Broussard (@OliviaBroussar1) March 6, 2019

Caelynn Miller-Keyes

Caelynn Bachelor

Caelynn, on the other hand, people are less sure about. When asked on Ellen back in March whether she’d consider joining the Paradise cast, she “answered with a solid ‘maybe.'” But given her overall takeaway from being on The Bachelor (“this process sucked for me,” it was “absolute hell,” etc.), not everyone is sure she’s ready to dive back in to reality TV. Then again, those comments were largely made in response to questions about whether she’d be the next Bachelorette. Given that she wasn’t offered the role, this could have just been her attempt to save face. IMO, Caelynn might ghost the ABC producers for a month or two when they ask—but she’ll come around.

Hannah G(odwin)

Hannah G Bachelor

Will everyone’s favorite content creator get back in the game?! Honestly, given that she cracked 1M Instagram followers from The Bachelor alone, I’m not sure what else she needs from Paradise. Apparently, she doesn’t feel the same way, and has been dropping references to Paradise left and right in her interviews. Specifically, references to meeting Blake Horstmann, the Bachelor Nation-approved romantic pick for her. “I think Blake’s a catch. So I’d like to see him there,” Hannah G. told Extra TV. “I’d have to hang out with him to kind of figure out if that would work and everything. So maybe Paradise would be a spot to meet each other. Who knows. But also I want to go in super open-minded and just go in with my gut.”

IDK about you, but that definitely sounds like someone who’s going on Paradise to me. And possibly, someone about to Tia the sh*t out of Blake while there.

Can we get Blake and Hannah G together on #BachelorInParadise and call if a day? Those two deserve love and would be magic together. #TheBachelor

— Jackie (@jlhalvy) March 12, 2019

Blake Horstmann

Blake Bachelorette

On that note, can we expect to see Blake in Paradise? Word has it he didn’t join the cast last year because he was still in talks to be the next Bachelor at the time. But talking to Us Weekly in March, Blake said the following: “If I’m single, I probably will be on Paradise.” Hear that, my Colorado betches? If you want Blake on Paradise, just make sure no one dates him in the next three months. Should be easy enough.

Tayshia Adams


Now for some more troubling news. Tayshia Adams, who was essentially robbed of the Bachelorette title, might…not have been asked to join Bachelor in Paradise season 6 either?! In a recent Vulture interview, Tayshia was asked whether she’d ever go back on reality TV. Her answer: “I have mixed feelings about that. I’m looking forward to what other opportunities come around, whether with Paradise or anything else. I’ll never say never. But it’s a different world.”

That sounds to me like someone who has distinctly not been offered a place on Paradise—and who would very much accept it if she were. Wondering which opportunities will “come around” implies a lot less confidence that Hannah G.’s statement that she “want to go in super open-minded.” If I’m right on this, the only question that remains is what the f*ck ABC’s problem with Tayshia is. She was the only member of Colton’s final four who could talk about something other than their relationship, and I feel that kind of mental acuity should be rewarded. For what it’s worth, Evan Bass agrees with me.

Tayshia is so great. So much class. Sad she feels ashamed that some idiot cheated on her. I don’t think she’ll end up with Colton but hot damn she’ll easily engaged by the end of paradise! #thebachelor

— Evan Bass (@ebassclinics) March 5, 2019

Joe Barsano

Since Joe was eliminated from The Bachelorette night one (good spot, Hannah!), he was able to confirm to Variety last week that he’ll be appearing on Paradise. He’s otherwise known as the “Box King,” because oh IDK he made it his Insta handleTwitter handle, and the entire theme of his intro video for The Bachelorette. This guy came in guns blazing (from a branding perspective, NOT a romantic perspective) and sadly, I think it’ll make him as boring on Paradise as he was on The Bachelorette. You have to at least pretend you’re in it for something other than cold, hard cash, Joe—that’s what gets you roses.

Cam Ayala

Cam was a slightly more memorable Bachelorette candidate than Joe, but unfortunately only because he came off like a total f*cking psycho. He was actually giving me major Chris Randone vibes, so even though his turn on Paradise isn’t confirmed, I would be majorly shocked if he didn’t appear. After all, Paradise is where they send all the “misunderstood” (read: emotionally unstable) rejects. Now, as to who will be the Krystal to Cam’s Chris—Demi was the closest thing Colton’s season had to a villain, and I can’t see her falling for his bullsh*t. Maybe they’ll bring back Chelsea? She’s been around the Bachelor block so many times now I think she’d say yes to anybody. 

John Paul Jones

Finally, John Paul Jones. He hasn’t been eliminated on The Bachelorette yet (and honestly, he’s been more fo a legit contender than I expected) but search your souls: do you really think Alabama Hannah is walking out of there with a ring put on her finger by John Paul Jones? He looks like he’s 16, has no discernible job, and told Hannah outright that his long-term plan is to ride on her coattails. Relatable? Absolutely. But not Bachelorette husband material. Everything about him is a gimmick, which makes him perfect for Paradise: and while I think Demi’s a little too sharp for him, I could see pageant queen Caelynn wanting someone like this to follow her around and hold her purse. (Sidenote: do we think Caelynn’s ego would allow her to date one of Hannah’s cast-offs? Time will tell…)

That’s all I have for now—but rumor has it the full cast list for Bachelor in Paradise season 6 will drop in June, when Hannah B. has kicked a few garbage men off her round to join the fun. Can’t wait!

Images: Disney ABC Press; @laurennn2313, @jlhalvy, @ebassclinics, @OliviaBroussar1 / Twitter

Should Blake Be The Next Bachelor? Here’s What ‘Bachelor’ Alums Are Saying

With season 14 of The Bachelorette officially in the books (I feel old), it’s time to shift our attention elsewhere. Obviously Bachelor in Paradise is Bachelor Nation’s most pressing concern, but it’s never too early to look ahead to next season of The Bachelor (which will be season 23, if you didn’t feel old enough already). We’re lucky this year, as Becca’s season has actually produced a few viable Bachelor contenders who don’t seem to be fully the worst. Still salty about Arie, tbh. Today we’re focusing on Blake Horstmann, who had his heart broken by Becca on national TV last night. Naturally, this makes him a frontrunner to be the star of next season. What does Bachelor Nation have to say about Blake as the Bachelor? Let’s see what some of the most important people have to say.

First of all, there’s the interview that Blake did with People. Most of the interview is just him talking about how he wants Becca to be happy (snooze), but there’s one interesting little thing. When asked about being the next Bachelor, Blake is unsurprisingly cryptic, but he’s definitely not not into the idea. He said, “It would be the hardest thing I’d do. But I know this can work and if the opportunity presented itself, it would be something I would consider!” Lmao, “if the opportunity presented itself.” I don’t really know how these decisions are made, but I love that Blake is acting like there are hundreds of other guys being considered. Also, people always talk about how hard being the lead is, but I wouldn’t mind going on free vacations and having 20 hot people all trying to make out with me. Ugh, too bad the opportunity just hasn’t presented itself to me yet.

Now let’s go to Twitter, where many of our favorite Bachelor alums love to provide their thoughts on what the producers at ABC should do.

During the commercial break I’ve made the executive decision that Blake would be a fantastic bachelor #thebachelorette

— Evan Bass (@ebassclinics) August 7, 2018

Okay, so Evan is definitely on Team Blake, but he also thinks Jason, Grocery Store Joe, Wills, or Venmo John would be good choices. Basically, Evan is still way too invested in this, and he needs to make up his mind. I’ve already forgotten about half the guys from this season, but apparently Evan really just wants to see them all succeed.

For the record, JoJo is also Team Blake.

I SECOND THIS. https://t.co/oCWjTtg2UR

— JoJo Fletcher (@JoelleFletcher) August 7, 2018

She tweeted later that she’d also be into Jason as the Bachelor, so basically, JoJo is all of us.

Chris from Becca’s season actually chimed in with a solution to Evan’s problem of having too many choices: three Bachelors at once! To be honest, this isn’t the worst idea I’ve ever heard, even though Chris Harrison’s head would probably explode from trying to coordinate everything. Actually, it would be hilarious to watch these thirsty women compete for affection from three different guys at once, and then all of a sudden have to pick one that they’re “falling for.” Your move, ABC.

I guess for the first time we’ll have 3 bachelors at once with @balockaye_h @Colt3FIVE and @Jason_Tartick for the most dramatic season ever! #TheBachelorette #TheBacheloretteFinal

— Chris Randone (@ChrisRandone) August 7, 2018

Just FYI, Colton liked this tweet, so maybe this could happen?

Meanwhile, feminist queen Ashley Spivey just said what we were all thinking:

Just make Blake the bachelor and give us answers on the likes and Lincoln ????????‍♀️ #TheBachelorette

— Ashley Spivey (@AshleySpivey) August 7, 2018

Luckily they actually brought up Garrett’s likes during the finale, and I guess a weak apology is better than nothing at all. But we’re still waiting on any real discussion of Lincoln’s disgusting past actions. It’s fine, I’m fine, everything is fine.

Aaaaaand in case you were wondering, here’s what your least favorites have been up to:

Lauren and I flew to the Maldives at The Bachelor and Becca’s request. It’s a conversation that unfortunately won’t be shown but it was really positive for all of us. You can imagine this trip could have been very difficult for Lauren but she has supported and stood by me in all of this… I thank and love her everyday because of that. We wish Becca all the happiness in the world and can’t wait to see how tonight goes!

A post shared by Arie Luyendyk ???? (@ariejr) on

Um, I am very weirded out by this. First of all, why did Becca want Arie and Lauren there? Was it a secret plot to drown them in the ocean? I’m also wondering if the conversation wasn’t shown because it was too personal, or because it was literally the most boring thing that’s ever happened. Like, I can imagine Becca just looking pissed and over it while Arie and Lauren respond to all her questions with one-word answers. Also, why did Arie think this trip would be very difficult for Lauren? She’s engaged to the man of her dreams and got a free trip to the Maldives! Life is good!! Finally, I’m not sure why Arie thinks anyone really cares that he was in the Maldives, given that ABC chose not to show it. It just seems like a very Arie thing to do to be like “Becca got engaged and I’m so happy for her, but Lauren and I were also there!!” Please go away forever.

Congrats to Becca and Garrett, and if the rumors I’ve been hearing about Ben Higgins being the Bachelor again end up being true, I am going to personally destroy ABC studios.

Images: @ebassclinics, @JoelleFletcher; @ChrisRandone, @AshleySpivey / Twitter; @ariejr / Instagram