It’s Not About Stagecoach: What We’re Getting Wrong About Blake Vs. Caelynn

I’m going to be honest with you guys, this past week has been tough for me. And no, not because of stress at work or because I’m trying out some new strict diet, but rather, because of all of the Bachelor In Paradise drama that has taken our pop culture and entertainment world by storm. I’ve personally been agonizing over which side of #BachelorNation I should be on: Caelynn’s or Blake’s? It’s legit the only thing I’ve been thinking about the past so I figured I might as well process this as I write about it.

In a few words:

Before we start, I have a few things to disclaim: I actually liked Blake on The Bachelorette, and I disliked Caelynn on The Bachelor. I can’t explain it, but there’s just a deceptive and fake vibe Caelynn emits that makes me not trust her. Also, my best friend is a pageant girl so I have heard first-hand stories regarding these types of girls for years now. And, let’s just say, some of them lose their sh*t over this pageant stuff. Suffice it to say, my opinions on this Blake/Caelynn feud surprised even me. So let’s get into the drama at hand.

It Goes Down In (Blake’s) DMs…

First, I need to express in no uncertain terms that I believe that 90% of the guys who go on The Bachelor are losers. And by “losers” I simply mean that they’re the kind of guys who aren’t used to attention, but have craved it their whole lives. They never got to be homecoming king or frat president—heck, they were lucky if they even got into a frat, let alone get voted Safety and Wellness Chair. The other 10% consists of 2 groups:  5% that go on the show solely because they get how it works—they know it will bring them easy fame (looking at you, Jed)—and then, the final 5% are genuinely great guys who genuinely go on the show naively in search of love… or were submitted for the show by a pushy family member.

Which leads me to my genuine belief, said best by the Queen of Paradise herself, Demi: “Blake is a loser.” And I don’t mean that in a malicious way. I mean it in the way that he’s a loser at heart, and is not used to being the “cool guy”. Look, I think Blake is cute and genuinely a good person. But I think, prior to the show, he never experienced what it’s like to be the hot guy every girl is after. Blake used to be the type of guy who couldn’t get a girl to save his life, and now, he has an Instagram DM box overflowing with hot women. This has led to the creation of our current Blake, a genuinely good guy at heart turned f*ckboy because he doesn’t know how to handle all of this positive attention from the opposite sex.


Okay, now that I’ve provided all of the background information leading to my official stance, let’s get into the actual situation. Long story short, Blake slept with Kristina and then Caelynn on back-to-back nights at Stagecoach. He supposedly has had more than a one-time hookup type of relationship with both women. He also apparently had been DM-ing and hanging out with several other Bachelor alum prior to Paradise. Overall, not a good look.

Now, the reason that everyone (aka all of Twitter) has taken Blake’s side is due to the fact that the text messages he released showed that Caelynn was the one thirsting for Blake at Stagecoach and that they had BOTH agreed to keep their Stagecoach hookup a secret. This goes against Caelynn’s narrative that Blake ghosted her before Paradise. Sidebar, F*CK BLAKE for releasing Caelynn’s drunk texts! I can’t think of anything more mortifying than this. 

Now, here’s the thing—according to what we were told by Caelynn (and which has also been confirmed from several other reliable sources of people within The Bachelor franchise) this Stagecoach hookup wasn’t their first hookup, nor was it some random one night stand. To put it simply, you just don’t have that type of flirty texting rapport with a random stranger who you don’t know.

In the post-hookup texts, Caelynn totally agreed to hide the hookup. The “hookup” being the key word here: she agreed to hide the hookup, not to hide the whole entire f*cking relationship. This is the kind of situation that I guarantee a lot of us have been in. You’re blackout, see an ex or ex-fling out at the bar and, even though you KNOW your “relationship” is technically done, you also know they’re comfortable, so you drunk text them because you have no inhibitions. The next day you wake up hungover af, and severely regret your drunken backsliding, but have to just move on with your life. However, in Blake and Caelynn’s situation, “moving on with their lives” is actually “going to Paradise where the entire country watches you try to find love while untangling this very 2019 issue.”

Welcome to “Paradise”…

Okay, so now again, imagine you are these two. You were both drunk and hooked up, but a week from now you’re both headed to Paradise, where you have a real shot at finding love. You two have already tried an actual relationship and it didn’t work. So why on earth would you both go into this new experience and declare to everyone that you just recently hooked up? That’s going to turn off potential suitors in both directions, especially if Caelynn and Blake had already started building relationships by talking to people prior to BIP, which, according to Caelynn, Blake was definitely doing.

Therefore, these two agree to not disclose the hookup. But, here’s where I think the majority of people are getting it wrong: yes, Caelynn agreed that there was no need to share their Stagecoach hookup, but she probably didn’t think they were agreeing to hide the entire relationship and completely ignore each other in Paradise. Like, imagine how hurtful that would be? For her “ex” to hide that they ever had any form of relationship would be such a stab to the ego!

Now, the next issue Bachelor Nation is in arms over is Caelynn claiming that Blake ghosted her which, mind you, is still possibly separate from their post-Stagecoach hookup texts. It sounds like, prior to their Stagecoach hookup, they were 100% in a “relationship” of sorts, but Blake’s f*ckboy ways got the best of him and he pulled away out of whatever “relationship” they had. Then, after seeing each other at Stagecoach (and probably flirting while there) Caelynn drunk texted him, to which Blake of course responded. So, due to their hookup and friendship text conversations post their drunken hook-up, Blake doesn’t believe he actually ghosted her. But, from my understanding, the “ghosting” actually happened months prior when they were actually in their non-official “relationship” with one another and Blake faded out. 

Also, sidenote, for Blake to deny that he and Caelynn were ever in an actual relationship infuriates me to no avail. @Blake, @Jed, and @allothermillenialf*ckboys: just because you don’t put an official label on it doesn’t mean you weren’t in a relationship. If what Caelynn said was true, and they were FaceTiming three times a day, talking on the phone, and hanging out, then they were in a relationship. Whether they officially referred to one another as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” or not, it’s still considered a relationship, and it’s an immature and sh*tty move to deem it anything less.

In defense of Blake, I’m not mad at him for sleeping with Kristina and Caelynn back-to-back, especially given the fact that Caelynn was clearly wanting it at Stagecoach. What I AM mad at Blake for is denying that they ever had any type of relationship and for completely ignoring Caelynn when she showed up at Paradise. (And if that was all just editing then kudos to producers, you had me fooled!)

Now, my greatest piece of evidence in favor of Caelynn is the mental breakdown she had to Blake in last week’s night two episode. I’ve never related to anything more or really felt for a reality TV star than the way I did to Caelynn in this moment. I’ve been there in that exact deep emotional spiral, as I’m sure many of you also have. It’s that, “I feel crazy but I know I’m not crazy and that I actually have the right to feel this way, but I’m trying to play it cool, but I’m actually not cool and actually, you’re crazy but I will to be the one to look crazy so F*CK YOU” type of meltdown.

We’re all very aware that Caelynn is a pageant girl and is therefore experienced in keeping her sh*t together and staying cool under pressure. Therefore, for her to have such an intense, emotional, out-of-control breakdown spiral says something about the nature of her and Blake’s relationship. If it genuinely was just a “one night stand” and Caelynn was just pissed off that Blake ghosted her after, she probably would have had a more even-keeled and annoyed reaction like Kristina’s. But, when you’ve had an actual relationship with someone and then see them and they act like you don’t exist and like you never meant anything to them, then you have a reaction like Caelynn’s.

Final Thoughts

So here’s where I’m at: Blake, you’re a f*ckboy. It’s all about the games for you, and you are in a very selfish time of your life which like, fine, that’s fair. I understand, but you NEED to be humbled. I believe you’re a good guy and are doing anything you can to protect your reputation right now. You genuinely don’t believe you did anything wrong because that’s what you’ve been telling yourself to justify your actions. Blake, the reason people like you is because you’re sensitive, cool, charismatic, and fun-loving. So just man up, own your sh*t, and we’ll all forgive you! Just publicly recognize that you and Caelynn had a relationship, whether it was explicitly defined or not, apologize for upsetting her and making her feel crazy, and then we can all move on. Stop dwelling on this, and on being right, because, realistically, if you actually were fully confident that you were right, you wouldn’t be retaliating the way you are, posting a drunk girl’s text messages. All I have left to say to you is, good luck getting any late night booty calls from girls at this point!

Now, for Caelynn, I f*ckin’ feel you sis. You’re a beautiful girl and any guy would be LUCKY to be with you…especially a guy like Blake. However, I don’t think you’re defending yourself correctly in this situation. You need to address the fact that, whether he officially deemed it a relationship or not, you two did have an actual relationship prior to your drunken Stagecoach night together. Therefore, it’s not actually about the fact that he slept with Kristina and then you. Like, yeah, that sucks and it hurts, and the way he supposedly acted the  next morning is extremely douchey. But none of that is the actual problem. I get that you probably did still have feelings for him when you slept with him, and so the fact that he slept with someone else the night prior and was blatantly talking to other girls in front of you was hard for you. However, you need to let that part go because, at that point, he had already made it clear to you that you two weren’t a “thing” anymore by, I’m assuming, ghosting you. By focusing on his Stagecoach hookups, you’re making it way harder for people to be on your side. When, in reality. I think everyone, especially fellow women out there, would be on your side over the fact that, Blake showing up to Paradise and not even talking to you or wanting to tell anyone that you guys have a history is f*cked up. No one should EVER be ashamed to be with you, Caelynn, and you know that, which is why I think you’re dragging his name through the mud more than you should be. You’re hurt, and I get it, but this whole thing will be a lot easier if you just focus on your own feelings and what he’s done to hurt you rather than on Blake’s “single guy actions” which, in an argument of right versus wrong, he technically had the “right” to do.

All I have left to say is that I’m excited AF for the rest of the season and, in the infamous words of Chris Harrison, actually think this will be, “the most dramatic season ever.”

Images: Giphy (5)

UPDATED: A Full Breakdown Of Blake And Caelynn’s Messy Texts

UPDATE: The fallout in Bachelor Nation surrounding the Blake/Caelynn/Kristina drama has continued throughout this week, and last night Caelynn finally spoke out about what’s been going on. After Blake posted and deleted their texts on Tuesday night, Caelynn responded on Wednesday with a lengthy statement on her Instagram.

First, Caelynn immediately owned up to sending those texts, but said that the screenshots from Stagecoach are not an accurate representation of their relationship. She also said that she’s “mortified” that her private texts were published by someone she considered a friend. I actually feel for her on this. In this era of social media scandals and receipts, it’s become super common for people to publish text screenshots, but it’s definitely still an invasion of privacy.

Caelynn also says that it seems like she and Blake just had different ideas of what their relationship was. She clarifies that when she said Blake “ghosted” her, she was referring to before Stagecoach, after they had been talking for a few months. This makes more sense, given that they were definitely texting between Stagecoach and the time they left for Paradise. 

View this post on Instagram

Here we go… I am not here to deny those text messages or the conversations that took place. Things got taken out of context on the show, and a large part of the story is missing. The reality of the situation is that Blake was not a one night stand at a music festival and the ‪5 am‬ text exchange that Blake chose to share is not an accurate representation of our past relationship. I take ownership for what I said on the beach. I was upset and I let my emotions control my words. However, I did not go on a show to ruin someone’s character. I attempted to address my feelings and the situation with Blake face to face. It’s unfortunate that I didn't get the same respect in return, and I am absolutely mortified our private texts were put out there for the world to see and judge by someone who I trusted and consider a friend nonetheless. It’s clear to me that Blake and I had different ideas of what our “relationship” was. We started talking months before Stagecoach. We FaceTimed everyday and talked about potentially skipping paradise to be together. When I say he ghosted me, it was after those few months of us talking.  It was my understanding there was no one else and I thought we were on the same page. What infuriates me the most is that I’m being trolled for having sex because of what I’ve been through. I want to be very clear that I am not looking for sympathy. I took the necessary steps to move on and heal, but I will not be abstinent for the rest of my life because of it. This is a complicated situation considering it’s not only on TV, but has taken a life of its own on the internet.  This could’ve been over after last night’s episode, but since it’s now all over Instagram, I felt like it was imperative to share my truth. We all have our own perception of how different situations unfold and there are many sides to this story. I hope that we can all move forward and support one another, rather than tear each other down. I have moved on and I am excited to continue to share the rest of my journey with you all.

A post shared by Caelynn Miller-Keyes (@caelynnmillerkeyes) on

While Caelynn does an okay job of trying to move past the drama, I do think she did an important thing by addressing the comments people have made about her. As someone who has been open about her history with sexual assault, she is adamant that she will live her life how she wants to, whether people approve or not.

Unsurprisingly, the person who came out of this with the best take was none other than Bekah Martinez:

sharing private sexual conversations is fucked up.
manipulating the truth to gain…attention? pity? or whatever is also fucked up.
each person was fully aware of how their actions would affect the other person.

so in conclusion i ship caelynn+blake

— bekah martinez ♡ (@whats_ur_sign_) August 8, 2019

Yeah, basically Blake and Caelynn both did some messed up sh*t, which is not that surprising, and maybe they really do belong together. This season of Bachelor in Paradise is already iconic, so I can’t wait to see how the rest of this mess unfolds.

I’m usually not a big Bachelor watcher, but damn, Paradise is already bringing the heat this year. Obviously, you can read our full recaps for all of the drama that’s going down with Chris Harrison’s messy beach crew, but the nightmare that’s unfolded between Caelynn and Blake (and Kristina, and Tayshia, etc.) is worthy of its own analysis. After Tuesday night’s episode, Blake took to Instagram to share screenshots of his pre-Paradise texts with Caelynn, and it started a sh*t storm of epic proportions.

One would imagine the point of Blake sharing the texts would be to clear his name, but honestly, they just make the whole situation murkier. On the show, Caelynn is making Blake seem like the world’s biggest asshole, but the texts don’t make her look so great either. To make matters even more confusing, Blake then deleted the screenshots from his story, saying that he “never wanted Caelynn to get attacked like this.” Sorry buddy, but it’s a little too late, because we obviously have all the screenshots saved.

In the first set of three screenshots, which Blake captions “Stagecoach,” we see him and Caelynn in a back-and-forth that might be flirting, but really comes across as more creepy on Caelynn’s part. She says she’s coming over, and he protests over and over again as she tells him to “chill” and “loosen up.” She then says she ordered an Uber, which is seriously questionable to me. Like, if I told someone multiple times not to come over and they said they ordered an Uber, I would immediately take out a restraining order, and probably move out of the country.

In the second screenshot, we can see that Blake has cropped out the majority of a photo, and that really weakens his case here. When someone posts text screenshots as proof of something, there’s always a chance that they’ve added or removed things to shape the narrative, so Blake should’ve just left the entire photo so we wouldn’t be left wondering what he’s leaving out.

In the second chunk of texts, Caelynn says something weird about sleeping in the shower, and then continues to taunt Blake when he says that they can cuddle but not have sex. Even if she was joking around with him, it’s not a great look. Think about it this way: if it was a woman telling a man that she wouldn’t have sex with him, and his response was “Yes sex. Only sex,” I don’t think we’d be having a discussion about who’s right and who’s wrong.

But then, Blake flips it around and says something gross about how Caelynn acts when she starts drinking. I think he might be saying that after she drinks she’s going to want to cuddle, but it’s all very confusing at this point. I have a feeling they’d both already been drinking, and no one said these two were the smartest people in the world to begin with.

I totally understand if Caelynn just wanted to have sex with Blake (me too before this week), but these texts make her seem thirsty at best, and verging on problematic/predatory. We’ll never really know exactly what went down between all of the Paradise people at Stagecoach, but these texts don’t really do anything to clarify the situation, for better or worse. All we really know is that it was messy, which isn’t new information.

The most interesting portion of the texts, in my opinion, are the ones that Blake labels “1 week before paradise.” In these manic conversations, Blake and Caelynn are both up in arms about how to deal with their past relationship, as it pertains to Paradise. It’s unclear what was the inciting incident for these texts, but obviously something happened that really freaked both Blake and Caelynn out. It seems most likely that someone found out about their relationship from a third party, and they were afraid that their trips to Paradise would be affected if everyone found out.

I’m not really sure why they were so afraid of people finding out, because obviously messy AF ABC isn’t about to turn down the drama of two people with a contentious past. They live for this sh*t. Have you seen how they invited Clay and Angela to the beach? But perhaps there was something in their Paradise contracts about not telling anyone until they were on camera? It makes sense that production would want them to save the biggest drama for while the cameras were rolling, and if everyone on the beach already knew about Stagecoach, this week of Paradise would’ve basically just been JPJ throwing up.

The texts about Colton and Cassie start to bring things into the light a little bit more. It seems like Caelynn probably had previously told Cassie about hooking up with Blake, and so they were worried that she and/or Colton had spread the information to other people. Honestly, I totally wouldn’t put it past those two to totally narc on Caelynn, but they said they didn’t know what happened.

In that text where Blake talks about telling someone “so that she isn’t crazy mad when she is down there,” he’s probably referring to Hannah G, but more on that in a minute.

In the further texts, Caelynn and Blake are still going back and forth about what to do, I guess in terms of whether or not they should even go on the show? It seems like they both knew they didn’t want to tell anyone about their relationship, so I’m not sure what else they would be debating. On the show, Caelynn talks about how Blake said that hooking up with her was a mistake, and in these texts, he basically says just that. We might still be missing some context, but Caelynn wasn’t fully lying.

Really, it’s tough because we’ll never know what happened on that phone call, or any of the other times they talked on the phone. They were both clearly really nervous about this whole situation, but I think a lot of it actually comes back to Hannah G. In the last texts that Blake posted, Caelynn messages him to ask if he’s told her yet, presumably referring to their history.

Even though it weirdly hasn’t really been addressed on the show, everyone pretty much knew before the show that Hannah G and Blake were into each other. Caelynn did say that Hannah was one of the women Blake was DMing the morning after they hooked up at Stagecoach. Hannah and Caelynn are friends from Colton’s season, so it makes sense that Caelynn would be nervous about Hannah’s reaction to finding out. We don’t know the timeline of when Blake was talking to each of these women (probably all at the same time), but it was bound to get messy when they all found out.

We don’t even know if Blake and Caelynn ever told Hannah G before the show, but either way, things have obviously gone bad for him on the first few nights of Paradise. These texts are a lot to get through, but I think the biggest takeaway is that Caelynn has been very favorable to herself in how she’s characterized her relationship with Blake. From the texts, it seems unlikely that she really thought they were ever in an exclusive relationship, and he definitely wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to tell everyone about them.

There’s still a lot more Bachelor In Paradise to go, and I’m sure we’ll get a lot more drama between Blake and basically every woman there, but for now, he should probably refrain from posting more screenshots on Instagram. He might not be the only asshole in the situation, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still an asshole.

If you’re as ready for this messy af season of Bachelor in Paradise as we are, make sure to get your Betchelor Nation Tee from Shop Betches now.

Images: balockaye.h (7) / Instagram