Last week, I wrote about celebrities’ semi-permanent face enhancements. As you all pointed out in the comments, celebrities enhance more than their faces—so I’m back, and today we’re talking about butts. Having a big butt is the 2013 and beyond Holy Grail of hotness, so it’s unsurprising that butt enhancements have skyrocketed in recent years. It’s a Kardashian world, and we’re all just living in it. So, for those of you squinting at the waist-to-hip ratio in your IG feed and screaming “HOW” into the void, here’s a rundown of butt enhancements available (and who’s admitted to having them).
What Butt Enhancement Procedures Are Available?
If you’re looking to surgically revamp your butt (a phrase I never thought I’d write), you have three basic options. A traditional butt lift involves removing any sagging/excess skin, maybe a little fat, and all around “lifting” the area, as the name implies. Then there’s butt implant surgery, which involves placing a silicone implant on each butt cheek. Finally, there’s the “Brazilian Butt Lift,” which involves grafting fat from other parts of your body via liposuction and then re-adding it to your butt.
The Brazilian Butt Lift is increasingly popular for a few reasons. Implants have a higher complication rate, which makes sense. I’d rather keep my body as silicone-free as possible. Patients are more likely to experience pain and infection, and are banned from sitting directly on the implant for several weeks after the procedure because the placement can shift. (TBH I’m having trouble figuring out how this even works. Do you sleep face down? Are your legs freakishly strong from standing all day for three weeks? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.) Regular butt lifts don’t have these implant-specific issues, but in an age where you’re really trying to maximize size, a lift won’t quite have that effect. So, the “all natural” shifting of fat from other parts of your body is becoming the most popular procedure.
And while Brazilian Butt Lifts are sold as the “safer” option, this procedure also poses a risk of severe complications. Fluid buildup, infection, and pain are all common, not to mention possible complications from anesthesia. Finally, all butt procedures require not sitting down for a while after—and they each cost several thousand dollars. Paying money for the privilege of not sitting down sounds like my daily commute, but whatever.
A quick reminder of the reason we’re all getting these procedures:
What About Butt Injections Specifically?
But wait! You’ve probably heard about butt injections too, because it’s 2018 and there’s little that a carefully placed syringe can’t fix. (Except the economy, American democracy, and, oh yeah, your butt. Sorry!) I’m not including injections with the other procedure because for the most part, these are unapproved procedures with huge risk factors.
You may have heard Cardi B’s horror story of getting synthetic filler injected into her butt in someone’s basement. The aftermath included crazy pain and five days of “leakage.” But in the grand scheme of things, it sounds like she got off easy. The reason these procedures are so dangerous is that injectable silicone can break off into small pieces and spread through the body. Your body can react to these bits of silicone with an inflammatory response, creating chunks of hard tissue around the silicone bits. Or you can get a more serious infection that requires a surgeon individually draining “the pus and stray clumps of silicone” floating around your butt. Finally, it can lead to a stroke, embolism, or even death if the silicone continues to move through your body unchecked.
Read all that and still want butt injections? God help you There’s something called Sculptra injections. The intended use of this product is for smoothing facial wrinkles, and it hasn’t been approved for butt enhancement specifically. Nonetheless, some surgeons are using watered-down versions of the filler and injecting it into their patients’ butts for a “gradual volume” effect. The procedure sounds much less intense—only a few minutes, no anesthesia—but still costs several thousand dollars and only lasts 1-2 years. Plus, some patients have reported “dimply skin and uneven results,” which sounds to me like they just paid to have cellulite injected.
OK, Who Has Them?
Well, this question’s honestly a bit trickier to answer. While I complained in my last article about celebs not disclosing their facial treatments enough, butt enhancements are wrapped in a whole other shroud of secrecy. For every one celeb claiming their flawless skin is a result of clean eating and wearing sunscreen, we have 10 more swearing their backsides tripled in size just from a new squat regimen. TL;DR everyone thinks at least Kim Kardashian, if not all Kardashians, have gotten butt augmentation, but no one will admit it.
Celebs who have admitted to it are Cardi B, as outlined above, and surprisingly, Heidi Montag. This was in her marathon 24 hours of plastic surgery back in 2010, which unsurprisingly went super poorly—to the extent that she legally DIED for a full minute. Like, Spencer was told in the waiting room, “she’s not going to make it.” I digress. The laundry list of surgeries she underwent included butt augmentation (unclear what type).
Other celebs who have admitted to butt procedures are D-List are rare, but I’ll give you the names in case you care. Kailyn Lowry from Teen Mom 2, “Queen of Porn” Jenna Jameson, Playboy playmates Kristina and Karissa Shannon, Renee Graziano from Mob Wives, and Only Way Is Essex star Chloe Sims. Not too many surprises there.
As with any kind of beauty treatment, I’m all for doing whatever makes you feel good. But as I’ve said before, I start having an issue when celebs claim their results were achieved through natural means. It’s annoying, it’s obviously a lie, and it makes the people who actually spend hours in the gym squatting—and not achieving those same results—feel bad. Also, in the case of butt augmentation, I’d argue that the risks often outweigh the reward. Not to mention, what are all these people with butt implants going to do in five years when big butts go out of style? At the VERY least, never, ever get injections from unlicensed practitioners—horror stories are frequent and gory.
Images: Giphy (3)
We’re living in a society that convinces us to drink apple cider vinegar to get skinny and delete Snapchat because Kylie Jenner isn’t feeling the new update. It’s a weird time to be alive, so let’s just pretend this whole perky butt fitness trend is normal. Everybody’s trying to get that butt lift look, whether it’s because your boyfriend stalks Kim Kardashian or you’re deep down a #bootygainz Instagram rabbit hole. If you can’t spend a million dollars on plastic surgery and you’re looking to do something about your tragically flat butt, stop Googling weird hacks and just do this workout. Do each move in the circuit and try to aim for 3-4 rounds total. And like, you’re welcome in advance if you can’t sit down tomorrow.
1. Goblet Squats
Goblet squats sound scary, but they’re just regular squats that you do while holding a kettlebell for added weight. You can also hold a dumbbell if you prefer. Stand holding a kettlebell at your chest (15-40 pounds) with the handle facing downward. Spread your legs to at least shoulder width, because the idea of this move is that it provides additional butt lift by shifting some of the work from your quads to your glutes. With your weight in your heels, squat down until your hips are at (or below) your knees, and remember to keep your chest and head up to avoid hurting your back. Pause for a second at the bottom, then come back up while squeezing your butt to activate your muscles. 10-12 reps should do it here, depending on the weight.
2. Cable Kickbacks
The cable machines might look intimidating if you usually stick to body weight or free weight movements, but I swear that it’s so easy to use and you’ll get the hang of it really fast. For cable kickbacks, you’ll need to make sure the head of the cable is a foot or two above the ground. Once you have it at the right height, put your right leg into the hook and adjust your weight (anywhere from 10-20 pounds should work). Holding onto the cable pole or anything stable in front of you, kick your leg leg backwards, squeezing your butt at the top. Then, slowly bring the leg back to the ground and repeat, switching legs once you’ve completed 10-12 reps. Also, if you feel these in your lower back, try doing them on your hands and knees instead. You can still get similar butt lift benefits.
3. TRX Lunge To Knee Raise
These can be done without a TRX as well, but holding onto the straps gives you additional support and ensures you’re isolating the glutes of the working leg. Holding onto the TRX strap, lunge backwards with one leg, bringing it to a 90 degree angle behind you. Then, bring the leg back up, raising your knee up until your waist, or higher if you’re super flexible. The brilliant idea is that you’re actually hitting two muscles at once by lunging back and then bringing the knee up. You’ll get more out of these if you go a little slower, so reduce your reps to 6-8 if you find them especially challenging. And, of course, don’t forget to do both legs.
4. Single Leg Bridges
Glute bridges are a classic butt lift exercise, and by raising one leg at a time, you can target your glute muscles even more by really focusing on each side. This also means that if both your butt cheeks aren’t sore AF tomorrow, you were totally working harder on one side. Lying on a mat, keep your hands at your sides and your knees bent out in front of you. Then, extend one leg as you lift your butt off the ground, squeezing your glutes and lifting your hips toward the ceiling. Think about pushing down with your left heel as you lift. Do 10 reps on one leg and then switch to the other.
5. Jump Squats
Jump squats are a plyometric movement, so they’re different than the slower reps you’ve been doing so far, but it’s been scientifically proven that you’ll get a better butt lift by combining high rep and low rep movements together in one workout. AKA, we’re obviously doing these even though they suck. Jump squats are exactly what they sound like, and you won’t need any weight for this move. Start in a bodyweight squat, keeping your chest high and your knees behind your ankles. Then, jump up explosively, straightening out your legs at the top, and landing back in your squat position. Your rep count doesn’t matter as much here, so try to just keep jumping for 30 seconds without rest.
6. Wall Sit
This last move will cause you to feel a slow, painful burn in your thighs and butt, so this is your chance to blast that aggressive Kanye song you save for the final sprint. It’s also the last exercise of the circuit, so don’t give up until it’s confirmed that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. The idea here is simple. You have to find a wall and sit in a squat with your back against the wall and your hands out in front of you. Make sure you’re sitting low and don’t cheat yourself here. Try to hold for 45 seconds, or go for the full minute if you’re
psychotic ambitious. For an extra super awesome fun bonus challenge, try extending one leg for 10 seconds before switching to the other one.
Images: Charlotte Winslow / Tumblr, Giphy (5),
If you are anything like me, you like the IDEA of going to a Pilates class, but you don’t actually like GOING to a Pilates class. Because let’s be honest, half-assing it on the elliptical while watching The Great British Baking Show/dreaming about all the desserts you deserve now that you have worked out is a way more enjoyable use of time. For reals though, how would I ever keep up with my shows if workout hours were not also show-watching hours? But if you are also like me and bought a NYE dress pre-holiday weight gain that would look way better if your legs were a little leaner and your ass a lot more toned, then it might be time to suck it up and give these Pilates moves a try (btw you can totally do them in front of your TV while binge watching Riverdale on Netflix):
1. Basic Bridge
This is a great warm-up and also something every child did during baby gymnastics. Lay on your back with your head closest to the TV with your legs hip-width apart, knees bent, and your feet flat on the floor. Use your abs (cuz we all have those) to lift your pelvis off the ground towards the ceiling until you can feel that shit burn in your hamstrings and glutes. Kind of like you’re pelvic thrusting the air. Hold for one minute or until your next bathroom break.
2. Kneeling Leg Lift
Facing the television now, get on your hands and knees (but not in a gross way). Keeping your weight on your forearms and knees, lift one leg straight up behind you in a 90-degree angle so your heel is facing towards the ceiling. Repeat with each leg for 30 seconds or until your popcorn is ready.
3. Side Lying Lifts
Lay on your side and support your head with your bottom arm (best to time this exercise with a particularly juicy scene, because it will put you in ready-for-drama position). Stretch out your legs with the bottom leg slightly bent, and your top leg straight at about hip height. Lift the top leg about two feet in the air and lower back to hip height. Repeat 20 times on each side while reaching for popcorn with your extra hand.
4. Heal Beats
Not conducive to TV watching, so save this one for in between episodes. Lie on your stomach with your head on your forearms and your legs straight out behind you. Lift your abs (yup, still got ‘em) away from the mat/floor, lengthening your spine. Keeping your thighs together and your abs tight, lift your legs off the floor and pull them slightly apart and then back together again at the heels. “There’s no place like home” it 20 times, then rest and repeat until your cell phone buzzes.
5. Wall Squat Rolls
This last one will get you on your feet and in ready position to answer the door when Seamless arrives. Stand up against a wall with a Pilates ball behind the center of your back. Kick your feet out about a foot from the wall and slowly roll down the ball into a squat position—not letting your knees go out past your ankles. Slowly roll back up and repeat 20 times or until the doorbell rings.
Not only is it Chrismahanakwanza season and gain 15 pounds season, it’s also holiday party season. That means that more than likely, at some point in the next month, you will have to dress up in some sort of cocktail attire and squeeze your blistered, frozen, malformed toes into heels. But all those cookies likely didn’t do much good for your calves. You may be waltzing around sporting some cankles for all I know (gross).
Because this is the time of giving or something, here are five ways to get your legs heel-ready without having to go to the gym with the other losers promising themselves that this is like, REALLY the year they’re going to lose 10 pounds. Stop lying to yourself—I’ll see you at Taco Bell in February.
1. Planks With Leg Raises
Ugh, planks. Get into plank position, but lift your right leg up so it’s at least parallel to the floor, higher if you can. Put it back down and do the same with your left leg. Keep doing this till you die (or for 10-15 reps per side, whichever comes first).
2. High Knee Toe Taps
Grab a chair and put your hands on your hips like you mean it or something. Tap your left food on the bench, then swap and tap your right foot. Do this until you’re so tired you can’t breathe. This is more of a cardio exercise than a leg move, so go fast, like you’re running away from a guy who puts “good vibes only” in his Hinge profile. Anyway, with this exercise, go for bursts of 30 seconds and work up to longer intervals.
3. Side Lunges
You should know how to do a lunge, and if you don’t? Shame. Stand with your feet together, then take a big step to your left—bending your left knee and pushing your butt back—while keeping your right leg straight. Repeat on the other side, and alternate until the lure of cookies outweighs your desire to look nice. 10-20 reps per leg should be enough.
4. Inverted Inner Thigh Openers
These are my fav cause I can lie down and pretend I’m not actually working out. Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor, then lift your right leg up, keeping your thighs touching, and extend your leg up to the ceiling. Lower your right leg—still straight—out to the right side as far as you can without moving your hips off the floor. Repeat with your other leg until your boyfriend/husband/roommate comes in and laughs at you, or 10-20 reps depending on your fitness level.
5. Lying Side Leg Raises
Like planks, but easier! Lie on your side with one arm flat on the floor in front of you, or propping up into a side plank for some additional ab work. Leave the other arm at your side, behind your head, whatever is easiest. Place one foot on top of the other with your legs out completely straight. Keeping them straight, raise your top leg until you like, can’t bring it up anymore, then bring it down. Do this 10-20 times on one leg, then switch to the other side until you feel like you’ve reached a new plane of consciousness via exhaustion.
I hate when someone asks me to name my best feature or say what I love most about myself. I guess I’m referring to those annoying AF ice breaker activities we used to do in fucking school that made us feel like we were still in like, kindergarten. This also applies to Lucas Yancey guys who literally don’t know how to have a normal conversation so they ask stupid questions like, “what’s something you love about yourself?”. In addition to loving my stone cold heart and chronic RBF, I’d say I am pretty proud of myself for surviving flat ass syndrome. But, for whatever reason why, I guess it’s fucking frowned upon to agree that you’re like, really pretty and have a nice ass.
I know many of you are not as lucky as me (obviously). Some of you probably do an overly intense squat routine everyday, or some of you simply settle with wearing saggy pants (which is not okay). If you’re fed up with exerting energy that can be used for taking shots at the gym, and you’re sick of your bodycon dresses looking like shift dresses, buy some of these fitted shorts for a J. Lo booty. You probably won’t break the internet by trying to balance a glass of Champagne on your ass, but you can change your Insta bio to Miss New Booty—which is clearly the better option.
1. L’AGENCE Zoe Perfect Fit Shorts
The lighter the color, the more flattering they are for emphasizing your butt size. These shorts are at a perfect high-rise to accentuate your waist and give you an hourglass shape. The uneven hem in the front and the back elongates your legs so people think your butt is held by more material, therefore looking bigger than it really is. Plus, they stretch so the more you can chug at the bar, the merrier.
2. By The Way Mesa Shorts
Denim shorts that have a flexible hem look best when they’re folded. Fold at an angle, with the longest edge going towards your inner thigh. The cuffed hem on these shorts cup your butt a little tighter and push your butt up just enough so it looks perky and firm. Bubble butt, here you come.
3. Cleobella Magnolia Shorts
If you’ve seen girls at Coachella wearing those 70’s-style bell bottoms with a trippy design, you’d agree that their ass always looks ridiculously good. Like, if Kendall Jenner’s ass looks good in them, trust me. You stand a chance.
Even if they’re not denim, find a soft pair of shorts with a rayon blend that have an intricate design throughout. You don’t have to go to Coachella to wear these. Add them to your vacay wardrobe for a pop of color with a neutral flirty top. Guys will probably get lost in a trance staring at you as you strut your stuff. They can look, but they can’t touch.
4. Urban Renewal Recycled Wrangler Cheeky Denim Short
Pay attention to the washes and cuts of denim shorts to find a pair that best suits your booty. This style is created individually, each with a unique vintage wash that serves the same purpose as contouring your ass (without the glitter makeup) for a Kardashian-style belfie. Yes, that means butt selfie and no, I didn’t fucking make it up. Do you think I’m an idiot? If you really want to highlight your cheeks—not the ones on your face—go for a cheeky cut that angles just enough to give a sneak peak. Booty, booty, booty, booty rockin’ everywhere.
5. Good American Cut-Offs
I’m kind of convinced Khloé Kardashian has some sort of chemical in her bottoms that make your ass look like you just did 1,000 squats overnight. Hmm, what might that chemical compound be called? It’s fucking magical, I tell you. The length of these shorts shows off your long legs, while the material hugs your waist in just the right places to make your butt look fuller. White shorts are vital for summer to enhance your tan and add a sophisticated twist to any outfit. We’ll ignore the fact that the length is super close to becoming Bermuda shorts, which I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anyway.
If you spent your winter with too much Netflix and not enough treadmill, you’re probably thinking it’s too late for your spring break bod. Like, maybe you procrastinated going to the gym too much and now you’re freaking out about the Cabo trip next week. Don’t worry, like we’ve learned in last-minute dress shopping, there’s always an overnight express delivery option, and fitness is no different. Sort of. Because we’re such a good friend, we’re going to tell you the secret to making your ass look like you didn’t say yes to the dressing. That secret is squats.
If you want to get an ass like Serena without the four kids (or whatever the lyric is), all you need to do is these simple squat exercises and you’ll literally see results in less than two weeks. Like, you could get a butt before your next period. Just do squats everyday until you get on that plane for spring break and you’ll give Jen Selter a run for her money. Without actually having to run, that is.
1. Classic Squats (25-50 Reps)
Stand with your legs in second position, slightly wider than shoulder width. If you don’t know what second position is, we’re sorry your parents didn’t love you enough as a child. Make sure your toes are pointing forward in line with your knees. Then with your arms out in front of you, sit into your squat until your butt is on the same level as your knees. Keep your back as upright as possible. Pretend like you’re sitting down into a chair or trying to take a shit in the woods or something—whatever helps you picture it. Feel free to put on a song about butts while you do this—we recommend “Anaconda” or “Bubble Butt” or the ever-classic “Dance (A$$).” You should feel it in your glutes, and your inner thighs will get a little sore too. If you start to feel the burn, you’ll know it’s working. Just like laying out in the sun. Which you’ll soon be doing when you show off your new butt at the beach. If you’re in a time crunch you can just do 100 of these classic squats a day and skip the rest or add some weights to step it tf up.
2. Moving Squats (25-50 Reps)
We know you like a challenge so you’ll get bored after doing the classic squat 50 times. Even the most rewarding long-term relationship needs the occasional thing to spice it up. So vary up your squats by moving while you do them. Take a step out to the right (or left, honestly whatever) and then go down into a squat. When you stand back up, step with your left over and back out with your right into the squat. Do this a few times, then go the other way. You’ll feel kind of like a crab walking when you do this, but that’s good because it will make you think of the ocean, which you don’t want to be at with a lame flat butt.
3. Jumping Squats (25 Reps)
At this point you’re probably 6% closer to a Kim K butt, but you’re not done yet. This time, plant yourself in the classic squat position. Instead of sitting and standing back up, you’ll jump when you stand back up from the squat. When you land, bend your knees and go straight back into the squat.
4. In And Out Jumping Squats (25 Reps)
At this point you’re almost done with the workout and probably have listened to “Bubble Butt” at least twice, but don’t worry, we’re almost done. This jumping squat is very much like the one we just did, but instead of jumping straight up and down, you’ll now jump in with your legs together when you stand up, much like those Russian nutcracker dolls that kick out when you pull a string on them. Jump in and jump out into a squat as many times as you want, but we suggest 25.
At the end of the day, your butt is a magical thing, because unlike most of the other stuff on your body, you can actually pretty easily work it out to make it better. #Blessings. You can’t exercise your way to bigger boobs (unfortunately), so focus on the squats and you’ll be spring break ready before the TSA can detain you at the airport for traveling with your friend Molly on Spring Break.