Former Texas congressman and current Texas cutie-pie Beto O’Rourke just announced his plans to run in the 2020 Presidential campaign, something we’ve all been expecting since he skateboarded his way into our hearts running during the midterms. O’Rourke gained national attention during this most recent Texas Senate race, where he faced off against national embarrassment/loose booger Ted Cruz. Sure, Beto didn’t win and the aforementioned loose booger remains in the Senate, but the race ended up being one of the closest races in Texas history. Kacey Musgraves impact. Let’s deep dive into the latest candidate du jour and see how he stacks up to the rest.
I am running to serve you as the next president. The challenges we face are the greatest in living memory. No one person can meet them on their own. Only this country can do that, and only if we build a movement that includes all of us. Say you’re in: https://t.co/EKLdkVET2u pic.twitter.com/lainXyvG2n
— Beto O’Rourke (@BetoORourke) March 14, 2019
So, Who Is He?
Beto O’Rourke represented Texas’s 16th congressional district (El Paso, a historically Democratic area; you go El Paso) in the House of Representatives since 2013, a position he gave up when running for Senate against Ted Cruz. Before that, he served as the City Council for El Paso. We get it, Beto, you really love El Paso. He’s on the younger side in terms of potential Presidents — 46 years young (meaning he’s still older than the OG millennial candidate, 37-year-old Pete Buttigieg) and was sort of an unknown candidate in the national sense until his heavily covered Senate run. His campaign was covered because of his stark contrast to Cruz, and also because of the momentum he was able to grow for a Democrat in Texas. While he was unable to ultimately defeat Cruz, his performance is credited with helping Democrats win elections up and down the Texas ballot, and he earned the highest amount of votes for a Democrat in Texas in over fifty years.
What are the Pros?
Beto O’Rourke is the dad whose Memorial Day BBQ you start getting excited about in March. He’s a great guy, very personable and very with the times. (Probably more with it than me, someone who just used the phrase “with the times”). He’s a strong advocate for the legalization of cannabis (#dope) and also to end the war on drugs — specifically when it comes to the prison time people are forced to serve for these very minor offenses. More on the crime front, he also has been vocal about wanting to end the minimum sentences for non-violent drug offenses. He also is into the environment and LGBTQ+ rights, and most importantly as a Texas native: gun control, an issue which I’m sure you can imagine has made him polarizing for the state.
Also have you seen this video of him skateboarding at Whataburger? He’s basically the Seth Cohen of presidential candidates.
What are the Cons?
First of all, we have not forgotten the time he went live on Instagram at the dentist (please, get a social media manager) or the fact that he still does Facebook Live (I think he’s the only person to do this in the past year besides Katy Perry going live on YouTube for three days straight). Second of all, many have pointed out that if O’Rourke couldn’t beat Ted Cruz, a man who makes people feel like they just walked through a spiderweb, can he really beat Donald Trump? Another potential issue Beto faces is that while he got a lot of national support during his campaign from people outside of Texas, those people may not stick with him for a run against other politicians they actually like. Names like Cory Booker and Elizabeth Warren have been floating around for years when it comes to this position, and we can’t forget about the Bernie Bros and Biden. Lastly, he’s a straight white guy and a lot of Democrats want to see a more diverse ticket.
Where Can I Find Out More?
Going batsh*t for Beto? Awesome! Learn more about his campaign on his website and follow Betches Sup on Instagram, duh.
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When Travis Scott joined Beto O’Rourke on the campaign trail last week, many people were surprised that the rapper, who was once arrested for inciting a riot when one of his concerts got too rowdy, was getting involved in a serious political effort to unseat possible Zodiac Killer and definite asshole Ted Cruz. I, on the other hand, was deeply unsurprised and was in fact experiencing possibly the only positive emotion left to a saneci person in 2018: vindication. As I had always known, Travis Scott was not only a democrat, but an extremely progressive one. Clearly, I had been correct in assuming that when Travis rapped “Got new money, got new problems, got new enemies” on Stargazing, he meant he was donating to insurgent leftists running for office and beefing with Ted Cruz.
Because I want everyone to feel extremely righteous while listening to Astroworld and also want the Democratic Socialists of America to endorse Travis soon, I decoded the progressive messages hidden in his lyrics. Welcome to your exhaustive guide to Travis Scott’s leftist political leanings, as evidenced in the lyrics of Astroworld and Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight.
16. “I don’t wanna wake up” — Wake Up
Like all of us, Travis doesn’t feel like waking up to the incredibly depressing world we live in. However, because he is an activist, he wrote Wake Up to inspire people to get informed and start making change.
15. “Don’t do playgrounds, we do not swing sets (swing)/ Shawty got the K, don’t entertain threats” — NC-17
While at first glance this verse might appear to be about doing Ketamine with underage girls (NOT A GREAT LOOK), I believe it is actually an endorsement of universal pre-kindergarten.
14. “Had to summon the hoes (ay)/ Dodge the federal” — Who? What!
You might think this verse involves derogatory references to women and an implication that Travis is engaging in illegal activity and evading the law. I’m here to tell you he is cheering on the unprecedented number of women running for office this midterm season, along with the general democratic effort to elect politicians who will fight back against the current Republican majority.
13. “Had to buy a Visa, she from Moscow” — NC-17
This is a classic Trump diss in which Travis mocks the Donald for helping his immigrant wife and her family gain citizenship while rabidly opposing legal immigration.
12. “Kill the jealous with propane repellent/ Got me goin’ crazy” — Stargazing
I’m going to interpret this as a call to go after massive oil companies through forms of vigilante protest. I expect to see Travis at the next guerrilla action to turn off oil pipeline valves.
11. “I see you picked up all my ways, I feel responsible” — Stargazing
Travis has clearly picked up on his influence on the youth, and wants to inspire them to follow his example not just in drinking lean, f*cking b*tches, and getting violent in mosh pits, but also in voting and holding radical progressive views.
10. “She said, ‘Where we goin?’ I said, “the moon”’ — Sicko Mode
Travis wants Congress to ensure better funding for space exploration.
9.“Palm trees, oceans, fresh air, that can break your heart/ hmm-hmm (stop tryna be God) — Stop Trying to be God
This melodic intro is basically the most poetic ode to our natural environment I personally have ever heard in a rap song, and also a serious request that Republicans stop playing God and wreaking havoc on nature until it is no longer livable for humanity.
8. “F*ck the club up, f*ck the club up (b*tch)” — No Bystanders
The title of this song is obviously an indictment of non-voters. F*ck the polling place up!
7. “All that cop harass sh*t, I might clip a sarge” — 5% Tint
Travis is objectively calling out racist police violence in this verse.
6. “Got a switch, gotta change up transit/ Still jumpin’ round move antsy” — 5% Tint
In the same song, Travis implores his elected officials to improve public transit. Watch your back, Cuomo.
5. “Yeah, crib built like a prison where that b*tch is gated” —Houstonfornication
Travis manages to call out the rampant economic inequality that leads to the existence of gated communities and the unnecessarily carceral nature of our justice system in one line! He’s truly a man that can do both.
4. “Bought the mansion on foreclose/No matter how many tickets your tour sold/….Too many doors closed cul-de-sacs and four doors/Still ended up at the North Pole” —Coffee Bean
Travis, at it again with the multi tasking – this time, connecting the 2008 financial crisis and consumerism to our societal destiny of climate apocalypse.
3. “Pick up the phone, baby (like brrr)/I know you’re home, baby (it’s lit!)” — Pick Up the Phone
I bet you thought Travis Scott’s first chart topping single was about a late night booty call, but it was actually about the importance of PHONE BANKING. Don’t question it.
2.“Mama told me don’t hate on the law/ Because everybody got a job/ Because everybody won’t be a star (real shit, real shit)” — Pick Up the Phone
Also, it got honest about the economic landscape and increasing unemployment.
1.“Never will I cheat on you/ Never will I commit treason” — Pick Up the Phone
Finally, unlike Trump, Travis Scott will never steal an election, collude with the Russians, or suppress the votes of a majority of his country’s citizens.
In conclusion, Travis 2020.
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Like Taylor Swift, the college acquaintances you haven’t spoken to in years, and your mom’s best friend, filmmaker Richard Linklater is getting in on the get out the vote action. Civic engagement, so hot right now! Linklater’s contribution is a new anti-Ted Cruz ad ahead of his race against Beto O’ Rourke, noted hot progressive skateboarder. He also has like, good policies and sh*t.
This moment of pettiness, meanness, partisanship, and division will be met by the kindness, courage, strength, leadership, and big heart of Texas. pic.twitter.com/6kAXZSRosS
— Beto O’Rourke (@BetoORourke) October 11, 2018
RealClearPolitics’ running poll has Cruz ahead by 6 points, which is disappointing since he is not only a misogynistic anti-abortion crusader but also probably the Zodiac killer. (But the polls also said Hillary would win so like, whatever.) Cruz continued to support Trump despite the fact that he insulted his wife and said his dad killed JFK (maybe?), which, according to this as, is not what a true Texan man would do. The ad aggressively relies on tropes of toxic masculinity to convince toxically masculine Texas men that Ted Cruz isn’t toxically masculine enough to truly represent them, which is an argument that feels a little more 1990 than 2018. Linklater is most famous for Dazed and Confused, so ok.
The ad mocks Cruz’s “Tough as Texas” slogan by calling out Cruz’s deeply weak response to Trump’s straight up savage takedowns of Cruz during the 2016 election. Which, again, were calling Cruz’s wife ugly and inexplicably insinuating that Cruz’s father was involved in the Kennedy assassination. (But again…maybe?)
Actor Sonny Carl Davis reprises his role from the film Bernie as an archetypal Texan man laying out the rules of Texas, but this time he’s talking about how Ted Cruz is not man enough to represent Texas, because he hasn’t tried to physically fight Trump. He says:
“If somebody called my wife a dog and said my daddy was in on the Kennedy assassination, I wouldn’t be kissing their ass,” Davis’s character says. “You stick a finger in their chest and give ’em a few choice words. Or you drag their ass out by the woodshed and kick their ass, Ted.”
To be honest, the sight of an elderly white man with a southern accent telling me to do anything is pretty triggering after the Kavanaugh hearings. In a state where the Latinx population increased by over 200,000 last year and the state population is expected to not be majority white by 2022, it’s unclear whether this is the best strategy. However, I’m always here for incitements to violence against Trump, so I’ll let it slide.
Watch the ad for yourself below:
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
