It’s Aquarius season, f*ckers! Time to continue embracing the cold-ass weather and ignoring our New Year’s resolutions. Valentine’s Day is less than a month away, so we should also collectively mentally prepare for that pink and red parade of bullsh*t. Anywho, the planets this weekend just, like, want you to be happy (even if it seems like nobody else in your life does). So get your sh*t together, pick yourself up after this short work week, and grab life, ya know?
New moon, new you, Aquarius. Take a good, hard look at yourself this weekend and jot down in your sparkly dream journal the things that you want to
f*ck, marry, kill improve, change, and keep the same. Mars is totally pushing you to hop on board the friendship express, so when you’re not writing sad poetry about what you want to change in your life, take the time Friday evening or Sunday brunch to head out with your bitches.
The best advice we can give this weekend, Pisces? Sleep. Seriously, the planets are communicating (or whatever) through dreams, so pay attention to wtf they’re saying. It’s also a great idea to enjoy the
f*cking freezing refreshing and bracing weather with a short hike on Saturday while spending some much-needed time with yourself.
Mars is pushing you to go out and like, actually try to have fun this weekend, Aries. It’s a great time to get the ol’ gang back together and try something physical, like watching Stacy pass out during hot yoga or listening to Paul panic breathe through SoulCycle. Sunday should be reserved for your SO, since you’ll be feeling less selfish than usual and are ready to listen and be nice.
It’s career time, Taurus. It may be the f*cking weekend, but the universe totes wants you to redo your resume, take on an extra project at work, and otherwise put your big kid panties on (work wise, that is). Speaking of panties, you also may be feeling hella frisky this weekend, so try to be responsible with your downstairs equipment, k?
Tis the weekend to go out and explore, Gemini. The planets allegedly want you to go to a gallery opening, try some near-extinct food items, or like, go antiquing for some 18th-century coffee tables. Mercury is also pushing you to communicate and learn this weekend, so Saturday may be a great time to finally pick back up your Duolingo sessions.
You’re moody AF this weekend, Cancer, which doesn’t help the fact that you’re simultaneously kinda horny. Is this how Meghan Markle always feels? Ugh, planets, amirite? You can try to hang with some fun people, but keep in mind that you’ll be extra prone to getting pissed off. Saturday may be a good day to quietly eat frozen food and watch reruns of KUWTK.
Get sexy this weekend, Leo. Friday is great for date night or diving deep on a dating app. Saturday, if you’re paired up, is a great chance to have some deep convos with your partner. Just be careful that you don’t come off as mean-spirited. Like, for example: a deep conversation is not one that centers around who ate whose leftover pizza or who left which dirty socks on the couch two days in a row.
Your brain is in overdrive this weekend, Virgo. Silence the noise with cocktails on Friday night, then spend your Saturday actually addressing the issues at hand. If you’re feeling creative, paint a f*cking picture, head out to see an artsy movie, or read up on your Kama Sutra positions. If you’re feeling analytical, explore stocks and invest in some sh*t.
Just watching HGTV isn’t going to do it for you this weekend, Libra. Channel your inner Joanna Gaines and tackle that home to-do list on Saturday or Sunday. Sure, you can spray paint that dresser. Of course, you should playfully arrange eucalyptus around the apartment. Sh*t, make that trip to Target for more throw pillows. Just be sure you don’t bite off more than you can chew. Set attainable goals, fam.
Time to concentrate on family, Scorpio. We know your mother-in-law is bordering on psychotic, but try to return her five texts this weekend. Grab a beer with your sister and call your dad to ask how winterizing the garage is going. It’s exhausting, but nurturing those relationships can go far. I mean, you may need a pet babysitter down the line, ya know? You’ll also totally be in the mood to tackle something hefty this weekend, so pull up the hardest recipe you can find on Bon Appétit and destroy your kitchen.
Read a f*cking book, Sagittarius. The moon and Mars are pushing some knowledge feelings at you, so it’s a great opportunity to learn some DIY skills or absorb a literary classic you decided to ignore in high school. It’s also a great weekend to get out of town, but be careful who you invite to trek along with you. You’ll be feeling extra emotional Saturday night and Sunday.
Try not to blow all your money this weekend, Capricorn. The planets are aligned in such a way that you should probably take a long, hard look at your bank account before heading out for yet another all-you-can-eat brunch buffet with a bloody Mary bar. We all know you can’t control your wallet around that sh*t. It’s also a prime weekend for you to make some questionable choices, so for everyone’s sake, try to be a little pickier when it comes to hook-ups.
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Dare I say it but…spring is….here? The sun is out. The birds are chirping. Our collective seasonal depression is slowly but surely melting away, like that last patch of ice that lives in perpetual shadow at the bottom of your staircase, threatening the return of winter at any given moment.
But right now those threats feel empty and spring feels real and this week feels hopeful. Which makes sense—as Venus enters Pisces this week, we’re all going to be riding that springtime high. How will your newfound optimism manifest? Find out in our weekly horoscopes.
It’s no secret that you’re an active gal, Aries, and why shouldn’t you be? It’s your season, you’re in the prime of your life, and at any given moment you’re operating off enough natural energy to power a nuclear power plant. It’s in your nature to be constantly on the go, which is why you’re going to be incredibly confused by everything you’re feeling this week. The beginning of spring usually means a flurry of activity and non-stop events, but you’re going to find yourself wanting to…slow down? That’s Venus, popping in to kindly ask you to stop and smell the roses. Do it! Lean in to a week of quiet strolls and solo meals and generally acting like you’re on vacation in a small European village.
Believe it or not, Taurus, but you are allowed to change your mind. Many times, in fact. That’s kind of what growing up means—learning new information and adjusting your opinions to match it. This doesn’t make you wishy-washy, it makes you an informed adult. You have a very real tendency to stick to your guns, but this week you may realize your guns don’t really fit who you are anymore. That’s okay! Swap out those guns! Also, that was figurative! But if you have literal guns, feel free to drop those too!
This week you’re going to find yourself thinking of some big, wild, kind of scary but mostly exhilarating things, Gemini. Typically you’d push these thoughts to the side in favor of sticking to your meticulously crafted plan; you’d file them away under “one day” or “probably never.” Well guess what, bitch? Not today. Let yourself dwell on these ideas, and better yet, maybe even act on them. Venus is going to have you feeling adventurous, and you shouldn’t fight that. There’s a time for playing it safe (aka the rest of your life up until this moment). For the next few days, try being free instead.
You’ve been on a one-track course for the past few months, Cancer. You have a goal, you think it’s what you want, and you’re racing toward it without really taking a minute to look around and figure out if it’s what’s right. Just because something was your dream once doesn’t mean it still has to be. If there are other options floating your way, don’t disregard them just because they aren’t what you expected yourself to do. Take some time this week to reassess your priorities. If you’re still on track with your goals, that’s great! But don’t be afraid to go back to the drawing board.
Things are looking intimate this week, Leo, on all fronts. Be it physical or emotional, you’ve got something to let out over the next couple days, and you should be ready for the rollercoaster that will ensue. You’re not one to shy away from adventure, so why start now? Immerse yourself in all that Venus has to offer, no questions asked. At the very least, it’ll be exhilarating. And at the most? Maybe you’ll learn something about yourself that you have yet to discover.
Guess what Venus means, Virgo? Love. But you already knew that, didn’t you? This week is primed for romance, and it’s been slowly moving from the back of your mind to smack dab front and center. Don’t fight it! Take extra time getting ready in the mornings. Try out new coffee shops that you walk by. Smile at strangers. In short, make yourself as open as possible to the idea of meeting someone. That positive energy won’t go to waste, and you might find yourself connecting with people you never expected.
It’s time to bring back our favorite phase, Libra: Treat. Yo. Self. But instead of binging on your favorite guilty pleasures, think of this as Treat Yo Self: Wellness Edition. Take extra good care of your mind and body this week, and don’t let things like budget or schedules interrupt that process. Luxuriate in extra-long showers with those fancy soaps and scrubs. Buy yourself that candle, even though you have like, four at home and they all smell pretty much the same. Splurge on the overpriced coffee if it’s going to make your morning that much better. Let yourself enjoy things this week, it’s as simple as that.
Feeling yourself, Scorpio? Hell yeah, you are. Venus is here and she wants you to get out there and flaunt your stuff. Never one to turn down an invitation, this week you may find yourself inundated with social requests. Be sure not to spread yourself to thin; rather, pick a few great events to fully commit to. Don’t hesitate to go full glam—this is a week for you to shine.
Time to throw caution to the wind, Sagittarius. Plotting and planning will only get you so far. Sometimes you just have to take that leap and trust that your preparation did at least some of the job. This week you’ll catch yourself feeling reckless and teetering on the edge of adventure. Well, jump on in there! There’s nothing like a little mayhem to rid yourself of the winter blues. (Disclaimer: please do not catastrophically ruin your life and then blame this horoscope).
The arrival of Venus is going to have you retreating to the comforts of solitude, something you’ve earned after a few weeks of social exertion. There’s nothing like a few days in the comfort of your home, surrounded by the things you love, to refresh the spirit. Don’t hesitate to disconnect from all things social: turn off that phone, silence those notifications, and focus on recharging yourself. After this week you’ll be ready to take on spring, and all the joys it brings with it.
You are no stranger to creature comforts, Aquarius. There’s nothing quite like the sweet satisfaction of a little retail therapy, and this week will remind you of that simple joy. Spring is here, reminding you of all the things you let fall into disrepair over those dreary winter months: your wardrobe, your skin, your general sense of self. Well, this week, don’t be afraid to spend a little money to get yourself back to your back in the swing of things. There’s nothing wrong with shopping in moderation, as long as you know when to rein yourself in. But until you hit that point, get to spending, girl!
This week is all about you, Pisces. You’ve spent the last few weeks laying low in favor of others, and it’s time to stop that sh*t ASAP. No one should ever make themselves less in order to appease others, but of all the signs, you should know that nothing good ever comes from dimming your light. If someone can’t handle you at your full-tilt, emotions-on-high, energy-bursting self, they don’t deserve any part of you. Reclaim your sense of self this week, and surround yourself with the people who will love you for it.
Images: Giphy (12)