Get Rid Of Your Sh*t: Weekend Horoscopes May 7-9

Hug your mom, vow to eat more salad in time for summer, and embrace the weekend, everybody. It’s time, once again, to look to the stars and wonder if, just maybe, we’re in for something chill.

There’s already been so much good news this week. More people are getting vaccinated, Trump has been banned indefinitely from social media, we all have an equal chance of matching with Bill Gates on Tinder, and warmer weather is settling in. C’mon, stars—give us those positive vibes in our personal lives.

Taurus

Sleep in and get your dreams on, Taurus. The universe is going to unleash some weird sh*t once you’re asleep, so keep a notepad or your phone close by so you can jot down all the insane sh*t that goes through your brain. Venus is on the move Saturday night and Sunday, so use those vibes to explore your material possessions. Translated another way: Go through your old sh*t and the sh*t you don’t fit into and donate it.

Gemini

It’s all about friendship this weekend, Gemini, so if you and your besties have gotten vaccinated, go tf out and have a drunk brunch. Not vaccinated? I can think of no better lady date than heading to your nearest Walgreens together to get stuck with needles. The second half of the weekend you’ll be #feelingyourself , so make plans for a date night with your S.O. or take the plunge on that Tinder match you’ve been on the fence about.

Cancer

You’ll close out the workweek on a career high, Cancer, so carry that energy into the weekend. If you’ve been killin’ it at work, don’t be afraid to dedicate an hour or two to a project your boss wants done this Saturday. Continuing on that trend, maybe it’d be a good idea to grab a beer or two with a coworker on Saturday night. Team building and networking could pay off later, even if it’s kinda painful now.

Leo

Learn something new this weekend, Leo. Maybe you can open up that Duolingo app and pick your French back up, oui? Or maybe you can read a book by someone other than a former Bachelor contestant? Idk. Sunday you’ll feel the need to break out of the house and do something exciting, so we’d recommend a hike up the side of a mountain with a reward (see: alcohol) at the end.

Virgo

Communication is key this weekend, Virgo. Make time for phone calls with mom, meetups with friends, and long, drawn-out convos about nothing in particular with your S.O. Sunday is a great day to update your resume, peruse jobs and side hustles, and, just maybe, get a head start on a few work emails for Monday. The stars want you to succeed—go f*cking figure.

Libra

Plan to spend time with your S.O. or bestie this weekend, Libra, because the stars are lining up for great partnership vibes. Maybe you can bring up buying that patio set without a fight ensuing! Or maybe you can convince them that yes, a 10-day vacation is absolutely worth maxing out the credit cards. Like, you’ve been trapped for a year; you earned it.

Scorpio

Examine your self-care habits, Scorpio. Aside from drinking more water, eating real vegetables that don’t come on pizza/tacos/stir-fry, and cutting toxic people from your life, it may be a good weekend to have an important convo with someone close to you, like your mom or S.O. Self-care means upping that positive energy, babe, and you can’t do that with negative comments weighing you down.

Sagittarius

Time for projects, Sagittarius; and this weekend, that could mean anything from painting a random wall in your house because you saw it on Pinterest to doing #work on your boyfriend to psychologically push him to putting his f*cking wet towels in the hamper. Sunday is actually a great day for partnerships, so maybe projects related to, or involving, the latter could be fruitful.

Capricorn

Do work at home and on your turf this weekend, Capricorn. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s finally time to wash your sheets or dust your baseboards. The stars are actually pushing you to make your nest ideal in every way—and that includes having much needed convos with people you live with. Has your roommate crossed the line for the last time? Is your cat’s total lack of respect for you simply no longer tolerable? Communication is actually in your corner, so don’t be afraid to do some housekeeping of a different kind.

Aquarius

Read a book, Aquarius, or, better yet, take an online class—like one of those expensive cooking ones where you pay a bunch of money for Gordon Ramsey to yell at you. If you somehow can’t get that together by this weekend, we’d recommend dining out and learning about a new cuisine, or taking a hike and learning about which mushrooms to forage and which to like, really not touch.

Pisces

It’s all about money this weekend, Pisces. Examine your finances and try not to take stock advice from people on Reddit threads, even if their memes are hilarious. Instead, invest in something real, like whatever the opposite of Dogecoin is. Sunday is a great opportunity for you to relax and catch up on binge watching Sesame Street with the kids in your life. Elmo has some really catchy tunes lately, so you can look forward to those bops being stuck in your head.

Aries

You’re feeling on top of the world this weekend, Aries. Plan on honoring yourself all day Saturday by sleeping in, grabbing lunch and drinks with friends, then coming home early so you can be in bed by 9pm. Honestly, it’s all about balance. Use Sunday to get a head start on something that’s been a goal for awhile, like cooking your way through a complicated Bon Appétit recipe or hand-writing thank-you notes from your wedding two years ago.

Images: Marco Testi / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Sometimes Self-Care Is Ghosting Everyone: Weekend Horoscopes April 23-25

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Bye, Aries! Take your toxic moods and GET. It seems like, even though Aries has left the building, we’re still going to be dealing with some nasty moods this weekend, thanks to the Libra moon. We recommend puppies, long walks, vacations in Bora Bora, and having millions of dollars. Okay, so only half of that list is actually doable. Puppies and long walks it is!

Taurus

It’s your time to shine, Taurus, so try to make it worthwhile this weekend by leaving the couch, eating something other than your microwave cooking for once (sad!), and not checking your work email. You’ll have a surplus of energy this weekend, so spend it on some sort of creative endeavor on Saturday. Paint a picture, do chalk art in your driveway—IDFC. The moon is actually going to help you reach a goal come Sunday, so why not combine the two and start some sort of house DIY Saturday then threaten your S.O. until he finishes it on Sunday? Goal achieved!

Gemini

It’s totally grool if you want to be a homebody this weekend, Gemini. The universe wants you to put on your sh*ttiest sweatpants and clean your house just so you can feel accomplished, which is like, really thoughtful. Beware, though—the stars may have you feeling frustrated for no reason Saturday morning, so if you’re starting to identify with the serial killers on the murder docs you’re watching, it could be time to step away and take a bath/drink a bottle of wine/go for a jog.

Cancer

Give yourself some time, space, and allowance to ghost literally everyone this weekend, Cancer. You’ll find the need to pull away, so if eating lunch solo at a nice f*cking restaurant for brunch on Saturday just so you can experience some goddamn peace and quiet feels right—go for it. Luckily, by Sunday you’ll feel able to interact with other human beings, so maybe you can muster the energy to grab a seltzer with a friend.

Leo

Money, #mood, and your mouth can sum up your weekend Leo. First, keep an eye on your finances—things could go poorly if you decide to blow a ton of money on something you don’t need. I know the Reformation dress is cute, but you have nowhere to wear it. Secondly, you’ll feel the need to communicate a lot this weekend, but the stars are making your words extra spicy, and not in a cute way. Watch your mouth, and watch your money.

Virgo

After work on Friday, spend some time spoiling yourself, Virgo. Take the long way home, listen to weird music, spend quality time with your sex toys—whatever gets you going. On Saturday, the moon in Libra is making you feel too many feelings, so try to relax and hang around people who are least likely to get on your nerves. That sh*t luckily passes by Sunday, and you’ll be back to kicking ass and not cry over dumb sh*t.

Libra

You’d think that the moon in your sign this weekend would be awesome, Libra, but you could be wrong. You’ll have some wacky dreams Friday, so plan to sleep late on Saturday in an effort to stay in that dream world where you’re banging Brad Pitt and avoid the feelings-fest that’s due to happen Saturday. Try not to pick fights; they’re liable to blow tf up. Things should cool down by Sunday, so if you did start a fight, we suggest making it up to that person with a bottle of wine, or something equally heartfelt.

Scorpio

See some friends, do some stuff, and drink a drink, Scorpio. This weekend starts off with a desire to be social, so plan an evening out for Friday with some close friends. Saturday you’ll actually want to be away from people, so, all the more reason to go hard Friday night so you can nurse your hangover the day after. Sunday, the solitude mood continues, so get some organizing out of the way and weed through your pajama collection. If it’s more than 10 years old, it’s time to say bye.

Sagittarius

Get mad, Sagittarius. The moon vs. your own star vibes on Friday may result in a sh*tty mood, but luckily by Saturday morning you should be back on your regular bullsh*t (the fun kind). It’s actually a good few days to try and accomplish a goal. So, if you’ve been trying to run a mile in under 15 minutes, bake a cake without burning it, or finish a Netflix series in one sitting, it’s your time to shine.

Capricorn

Deal with all the sh*t you’ve been putting off, Capricorn. Or, at least whatever you can manage to take care of in one weekend. Maybe you can manage to take the trash out AND mail a return. Saturday you may want to be wary of your words, as they could start a fight between you and your S.O. Be extra nice to them this weekend—they’re going to be feeling a little delicate. If you’re bored on Sunday, peruse stocks that Reddit tells you to buy. Maybe you’ll stumble on the next Dogecoin.

Aquarius

Check in on any shared assets you have with your partner this weekend, Aquarius. Maybe you can get your adult on and refinance your house or pay off one of your student loans (lol). Give yourself space, though, if you start feeling extra irritable. The moon and Mars are teaming up to make you feel extra moody.

Pisces

Plan a date night, Pisces. It’s been a while since you had a night out with your S.O., so make it a point to get away in the romantic sense on Friday or Saturday night. The passion can go either way, though, so choose your battles and don’t pick at dumb sh*t to start a fight, even though being right is *the best*. If you’re single, plan a few outings where you can easily run into people (with masks on) and potentially bump into someone special. Not like, literally though, because #pandemic.

Aries

Take care of yourself this weekend, Aries. If you’ve been uber focused on work lately, it’s time to step back and do something else—especially on Saturday. Unplug, go for a run, or just zone out while eating pizza and rewatching Puppy Dog Pals with your kid. There’s potential for a fight on Sunday with your partner, so try to avoid confrontation even if he’s being an idiot.

Images: Mike Von / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Maybe Try Therapy: Weekend Horoscopes April 16-18

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Welp, here we are again, praying that the universe is kind this weekend and that Aries—that tricky, fickle bitch—doesn’t cause unnecessary drama, fights, or #feelings just because it doesn’t have any zodiac friends. Like, don’t take it out on us, Aries. Maybe it’s time you gave therapy a try.

Anyway, maybe this is the weekend that things go super right and everyone is in a great mood? We can hope.

Aries

It’s probably best you aren’t around people the first half of the weekend, Aries, since you’re likely to blow up and say mean, hurtful things without really meaning them. Luckily, by Saturday evening the fog will have lifted and you’ll be sorta nice again. Use Sunday to rearrange sh*t in your house so you can feel like you paid someone a bunch of money for interior design work. It’ll be fun.

Taurus

Your brain won’t STFU or turn off this weekend Taurus, and although that’s usually really f*cking annoying, you should use it to your own benefit. If you’ve been trying to impress your boss, tackle that work project you’ve been putting off. If you hate work and are looking for your big break, this weekend is the time to write your memoir or pursue becoming some kind of influencer. Idk if it’ll work (probs not), but the stars are telling you to believe in yourself, so go for it.

Gemini

You’re dying to be the life of the party, so head out somewhere you can socially distance on Saturday and surround yourself (from six feet away) with people who will soak up your awesomeness. Sunday is all about adult sh*t, though, so stick close to home and go through your spending from the last week. You may find that you’ve gone a little off the rails with takeout this month, so maybe it’s time to research meal planning and easy recipes.

Cancer

Chill tf out, Cancer. You may have some trouble powering down on Friday night, but if you can’t sleep, maybe you can do something productive, like a puzzle, or the dishes that have been there since Tuesday. Saturday will be much more relaxed, so plan on sticking close to home and wearing a lot of stretchy loungewear.

Leo

You’re dying to be social this weekend, Leo, so make plans with some friends after work on Friday and find a restaurant or bar where you can tip well, support local, and get maybe a little bit tipsy. Nurse your hangover on Saturday with some much needed r&r in the form of Netflix murder mysteries, then head to bed early because the universe wants to fill your head with some weird dreams.

Virgo

Work sucks, Virgo, and you’re kind of fighting the urge to let a string of inappropriate no-no words fly at your boss on Friday. Calm down, leave, and use the weekend to recharge, update that resume, and try to get your head around the whole situation. The moon is like, “talk to a friend,” so take that advice and call up some of your favs for a “what would you do” chat.

Libra

Consider the stars your excuse for getting off the couch this weekend, Libra. Plan a long hike (maybe, like, with wine at the end as a reward) so you can be one with nature on Saturday, and make a conscious effort to keep your phone/computer/screens off and away for at least the day. You may have to deal with some work stuff on Sunday, but it won’t be anything you can’t handle after a margarita or two.

Scorpio

If something has been bothering you, get to the bottom of it this weekend, Scorpio. Maybe you’ve wanted to tackle a few subjects with your S.O., like vacuuming duties or how often he’s been doing Zoom happy hours. Just keep it light, and you should be able to weed through some bullsh*t. Sunday is for funsies, so make time to go out and grab a glass or wine with a friend.

Sagittarius

You’ll need some deep breathing in order to not be the next subject of a murder doc this weekend, Sagittarius. Your S.O. is going to get on your last f*cking nerve, so instead of screaming through it, just get out of the house for the day. Plan a dinner out with your partner on Sunday once you’ve both had some time to breathe and be apart. Maybe some weird makeup sex thrown in for good measure? Idk, you do you.

Capricorn

Ignore work drama, Capricorn, even if a parking lot fist fight between those two toxic bros in accounting is A+ entertainment heading into the weekend. Saturday the moon is all about highlighting your partnerships, so whether you’re in a committed relationship, need time with your bestie, or want to schedule a mommy date, set a few hours aside to be with someone whose company you enjoy.

Aquarius

Sexy times are in store this weekend, Aquarius. If you’re in a relationship, schedule a date night with your S.O. either at your fav restaurant or at home with pizza, sweats, and a movie you can text through. Then, plan a long, fun romp in bed. You deserve it. If you’re single, now is absolutely the time to meet up with your Tinder crush. Keep it casual, like a few beers at a brewery, a walk in the park, or a nacho-eating contest. It could lead to big sh*t.

Pisces

You may feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster this weekend, Pisces. Instead of blowing up at your friends and fam, use your creative, moody energy to do hot girl sh*t around the house, like painting a wall, refurbishing that old dresser, or just perusing home improvement boards on Pinterest. Even if your project doesn’t end up like your vision, at least you’ll have kept from having dumb arguments with people you actually like.

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Images: Brian Wangenheim / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

A Lot Of Feelings: Weekend Horoscopes February 5-7

Welcome to February, where snow, ice, and cold reign supreme, and my sweatpants have an actual job to do in keeping me warm and not just serving as my only comfy article of clothing during covid times. We’re a week away from Valentine’s Day, for those that still believe time isn’t just a social construct, so, there’s that. It’s not like you should be eating out at restaurants, but whatever.

The stars are serving up everything from craving connection to wanting independence this weekend, so good luck navigating all the emotions. Should be fun!

Aquarius

You’re craving connection this weekend, Aquarius. Since a girls’ trip to a spa/Italy/wine country isn’t exactly in the cards ATM, plan for a group FaceTime during the big game on Sunday so you can all watch the commercials together. Or, plan for an outdoor brewery adventure with just one or two close pals so you can like, see other human beings in real life.

Pisces

What are your goals, Pisces? It’s good practice to sit back and think about what you want longterm from relationships, your career, your nest, etc. this weekend. Since these are covid times, it may be best to write down your goals so you can laugh at them later. Like, maybe one of your goals for 2020 was to “get out more” or “travel the world”. That’s f*cking hilarious now, right? Goals for 2021 could be as easy as “leave the couch for one hour each day” and “step outdoors.”

Aries

If you have chores, work, and other un-fun sh*t to get to this weekend, try to get it all out of the way on Friday night, Aries. The stars are aligning to help you get super accomplished in whatever you attack, so be productive and leave your weekend for play. Once Saturday hits, you’ll be dying to get outdoors, so try to schedule a run, hike, or snowman-building with your friends’ kids. There can be boozy hot chocolate afterwards.

Taurus

You’ll be itching for independence and codependence this weekend, Taurus, which is confusing af. Basically, the moon on Saturday wants you to focus on your partner, but you’ll be ready to fight anyone who “threatens” your ability to do your own thing. You may need to walk a tightrope to appease both sides of yourself. If nothing else, plan the weekend you want, and tell your S.O. to tag along.

Gemini

Partnership, communication, and tough sh*t are on the docket this weekend, Gemini. You’ve been pushing down some deeply held feelings regarding a relationship for awhile now, and this weekend presents a good opportunity to share those concerns. Yah, you may have a fight or even lose said relationship. But better now than Valentine’s Day weekend, right?

Cancer

Hooray for creativity, Cancer! Get your hands dirty in the pursuit of art this weekend. Try out watercolors, paint a wall, change out the knobs on all your cabinets, draw a picture of a butterfly—whatever. You’ll feel the urge on Saturday to get healthier and change up your routine, too, so attack that feeling on Sunday with a morning jog, less creamer in your coffee, and investing in a FitBit or Apple Watch so you can see just how inactive you are.

Leo

Relationships are front and center this weekend, Leo. If you’ve been dying to have a mushy, lovey weekend with your S.O., plan for it this weekend and not Valentine’s Day when everyone else will be doing nice sh*t, too. It’s also a prime time to have those tough conversations with your partner if you haven’t stirred the pot recently. Even if you have to make some hard decisions, it’ll turn out for the best down the road.

Virgo

Concentrate on your nest and the people in it this weekend, Virgo. Use Friday after work to tidy up at home, then spend the rest of your free time with the people you can tolerate. Cuddle up with your S.O. over a wholesome serial killer documentary. Go for a walk with your mom on Saturday so you can hear her complain in person about the governor.

Libra

You’ve got a lot of energy this weekend, Libra, so don’t squander it scrolling through your phone and being bored. Tackle the project of re-potting all your plants this weekend, then buy some interesting plant stands and set them up around your apartment. You’ll also want to make a point of driving around this weekend, so pick a scenic spot and take a ride. Basically, the moon and stars are pushing creativity and little adventures, so try to combine those things without going overboard.

Scorpio

You’ve got a lot of feelings this weekend, Scorpio, so try to ride it out without losing your patience. Friday will be an exercise in self-reflection and finances, so examine your budget or lack thereof and adjust accordingly. Saturday your focus will switch to home and fam, so call up your besties and have a Zoom mimosa and bitch sesh. Sunday you’ll be dying to leave the house, and the good news is walking around outside is free, so get at it.

Sagittarius

Skip work Friday if you can, Sagittarius, and give yourself a much-needed break with a three-day weekend. Whether you choose to spend it worrying about what you’re missing at work or taking a short weekend trip is up to you. The moon wants you to explore sh*t, so try to at least leave the house. If you need to settle for eating Taco Bell on a park bench, that’ll work, though.

Capricorn

Be a shoulder to lean on this weekend, Capricorn. You may have a friend or three that’s been having a tough go of it lately. Reach out with a phone call, offer to go for a drive, or make plans for lunch, wine, and lots of listening and nodding. Don’t be surprised if your S.O. is the one that needs a little extra attention, too.

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Who Needs A Nap: Weekend Horoscopes January 29-31

Yay for the last week in January. Yay for not having to use the phrase “Did you see what the President tweeted?” in a tone filled with dread. Yay for dogs in the White House and an overall sense of hope. All we have to do is wait for COVID to be over and we can get back to normal, right?

Anyway, maybe the stars are on this hope train, too, this weekend, and you can kick back, relax, and maybe turn down the worry dial about 30%.

Aquarius

Time to focus on your relationship, Aquarius. You may have been sort of skating along with your S.O. and ignoring things your should definitely be having conversations about. Stop that sh*t this weekend, order something so greasy it’ll require you to remain in the safety of your home, and hash out the important deets with your partner. In the same vein, use the weekend to show the people you love that you aren’t taking them for granted. Call your mom so she can complain about whatever.

Pisces

Change it up, Pisces. Maybe you’ve been trying to incorporate a healthy breakfast into your mornings or a jog after dinners. Use the weekend to time it out and see what’s doable. On the flip side, make some time to lie low at home with your partner or bestie. It’s important to set aside some time for those most meaningful relationships WITHOUT it being Valentine’s Day.

Aries

Being f*cking argumentative is on your agenda this weekend, Aries, since your planets decided it was time to shake things up. Try not to bicker and, if you do feel the need to argue, just walk away. You aren’t going to win, and hurling insults is just going to make things worse later. The good news is that come Saturday and Sunday, the urge to fight will be gone, although the internal push to gtf in shape will be strong. Go for a run, sign up for an online yoga class, or just eat a salad instead of the pack of Pizza Rolls you were planning on.

Taurus

Turn your attention to your nest this weekend, Taurus. The stars want you to get your hands dirty and buy some houseplants that you may or may not kill; paint a random wall to throw your partner off; and maybe pin a bunch of kitchen remodel sh*t that’ll inspire you to buy more mugs to display. You may feel the need on Saturday to argue, but try to just focus on relaxing and not being drawn into pointless discourses.

Gemini

Hit reboot this weekend, Gemini. After work on Friday, you’ll feel the need to throw your work laptop out the nearest window, kick your feet up, and never go back to your 9 to 5. You can’t, like, really do that responsibly, so settle for quietly closing down your work station and not checking up on it until 9am on Monday. You’ll also wanna spend some time with family, so whether you meet up for a drink or schedule a Zoom call, try to fit that into your schedule.

Cancer

Money matters this weekend, Cancer. Thanks to the responsibility you should be associating with this whole pandemic thing, your accounts should be in decent order, but spend at least part of Saturday checking your budget, peeking into what you’ve spent on, and deciding how to be better about it next month. After that, kick your feet up and watch a travel show like House Hunters International so you can pretend to leave the country and have a vacation.

Leo

It’s all about you this weekend, Leo, but try not to be an asshole about it. Spend time with someone you love on Friday—maybe even someone new—but be sure to check yourself and not come off as overly confident. Even if you’re in the mood to #treatyourself with a spa day this weekend, keep a close eye on your money, too. The stars are working against you when it comes to overspending.

Virgo

Pay attention to your dreams this weekend, Virgo. You could get some messages from the universe telling you to be nice. If that’s the case, use Saturday and Sunday to volunteer at an animal shelter or put together grab-bags for a women’s shelter. They need tampons and snacks, fam. You may also want to reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in awhile, or had a falling out with. The time is right to fix that sh*t.

Libra

It’s all about friends this weekend, Libra. Even if you can’t (and shouldn’t) all pack into your apartment to catch up on The Bachelor, maybe a Zoom dinner is in order; or, if it’s nice out (aka not blizzarding), you can bundle up and sit on a patio. You can also just make time to have an actual phone conversation with a friend, unless that’s weird now. Just be careful about touchy topics, as the planets are making some folks extra sensitive.

Scorpio

Get ready for a corporate-level fight on Friday at work, Scorpio. I mean, it’ll be the most excitement any of your coworkers have had in months, so we’re kinda here for it. Just be sure to sit on the sidelines with your popcorn and not get involved. Saturday and Sunday are all about the outdoors and friends, so plan a short hike with your S.O. or bestie so you can enjoy the winter weather, get some exercise, and have an excuse to find a fire pit and beers later.

Sagittarius

The moon wants you to travel this weekend, Sagittarius. Since you can’t exactly hop on a plane and get to Bali right now, we’d suggest binge-watching all of Parts Unknown (RIP Anthony), ordering takeout from a cuisine you haven’t really explored before (Ethiopian? Lebanese? Peruvian?), and snuggle up with someone special. Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning your mind may turn toward work and career, so if there’s a project you want a head start on, get to it.

Capricorn

It’s all about intimacy this weekend, Capricorn. Whether that means in the bedroom with your lover or getting mentally (spiritually?) intimate with a new friend, potential S.O., your cat, or your houseplants is up to you. Just let your walls down and go with it, fam. Do something fun on Saturday and/or Sunday and get out of the house. Walk around the outlet mall, visit a cute downtown somewhere close by, or find a skating rink. Whatever you do, keep it light and fun.

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A Case Of Cabin Fever: Weekend Horoscopes Jan. 22-24

We’re a few weeks into 2021 and we’ve seen some improvements already. This week gave us the return of fashion, happiness, and hope to the White House. We got the final goodbye from Florida Man and Melania (may they never tweet again) and The Bachelor, though boring, almost felt like a non-pandemic affair. Basically, this week’s near return to normalcy felt like the equivalent of taking my bra off after working a double.

Do the stars share our hopefulness for the future and, like, weekend? Let’s dive in.

Aquarius

Talk about energy, Aquarius. You’re ready to tackle some sh*t this weekend, be it cleaning out your closet, going for a six-mile hike (ew), or finishing that bottle of wine all by yourself. The stars will be pushing you to focus on your nest by Saturday evening, so we’d recommend just going ahead and getting a lot of that spring cleaning out of the way. By Sunday night, though, you’ll want to kick back, relax, and lament that fact that you have work on Monday.

Pisces

Stay home and embrace hygge, Pisces. Whether you decide to tackle making bread, test drive all of your coziest sweaters at once, or just want to lie around and read some classic novels, any kind of cuddling up in your nest is what the stars want from you this weekend. Make sure not to completely isolate yourself, though. Your communication abilities will be on f*cking point, so call your bestie and shoot the sh*t for a while, too.

Aries

Pay attention to your budget (or lack thereof) on Friday, Aries. Like, no, you don’t need to spend $50 on delivery when the restaurant is within walking distance of your apartment. Saturday and Sunday you’ll feel the need to get out and explore, so become a tourist in your own town and try a cafe you’ve never popped into, take your dog to the park, or drive around downtown. It’ll clear your head after what feels like the longest January on record.

Taurus

You’ll get some much-needed attention this weekend, Taurus, so soak up the spotlight. Your self-esteem, in turn, will skyrocket, so after work on Friday be sure to schedule a girls’ night, date night, or out-of-the-house activity that will get you seen. After you blow all your money, Saturday and Sunday are perfect for examining your financial situation. Buckle down and make yourself a budget.

Gemini

You’re going to be feeling psychic af this weekend, Gemini. It’s like you have ESPN or something. You may get some messages in your dreams, so wear your comfiest pajamas and go to bed early on Friday so you can soak up whatever the universe is telling you. Saturday and Sunday are for communication and connection, so if your S.O. is around, it may be a good opportunity to talk about your #feelings and then order and share a pizza.

Cancer

After work, it’s time to drink a beer with your coworkers on Zoom, Cancer. I know you’ve been putting it off because you aren’t sure if you’d like these people OUTSIDE the figurative office, but give it a chance. Hey, even if you don’t, you’ll at least be buzzed. Saturday and Sunday, the stars are sending you messages via dreams and gut feelings, so try to pay attention to any signals that aren’t hunger or indigestion.

Leo

Time to focus on your career, Leo. You may have been putting off asking for that 15% raise with your boss, but grab the opportunity on Friday and f*cking go for it. After that negotiation, you’ll want to use Saturday and Sunday for some social time with close family and friends. Head to a winery and sip something you can’t afford outdoors. Or find a brewery with a fire pit and food truck with some soul-satisfying (see: greasy) food.

Virgo

GTFO of your house this weekend, Virgo. You have the urge to travel, but thanks to the pandemic, that’s kind of out of the question ATM. Instead, take a drive to some nearby mountains, the beach, or a town you haven’t explored. Soak in the scenery and tell yourself that you can go to Europe next year. Maybe. If everyone behaves. Sunday you may want to check up on your work email so you don’t have any surprises waiting for you on Monday.

Libra

Pay attention to your feelings on Friday afternoon, Libra. Your gut is pushing you to do or listen to something in particular, and this time, it’s totally right. So whether you need to tune into the psychic frequency by drinking a bottle of wine or lying in a bathtub, own it. Saturday and Sunday will be more fun, so plan for brunch or shopping local with a best friend so you can like, leave the house.

Scorpio

Talk about romance, Scorpio! This is a prime weekend to schedule date night and maybe celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit early. The universe is making you feel super compatible and on-the-same-page with your S.O., so take advantage and soak up each other’s company as much as you can. Like, maybe it’s a good time to bring up that DIY project or kitchen remodel he’s been sorta against? Just saying.

Sagittarius

Are you taking care of yourself, Sagittarius? Use the weekend to really examine your habits, from your relationship with the UberEats driver to your inability to walk up a flight of stairs without panting to your body’s surprise and delight when you actually drink water. I mean, new year, new you, right? We’re not saying give in to diet culture (f*cking ew), we’re just saying take care of your bod and mind.

Capricorn

Get your hands dirty this weekend, Capricorn. Creativity reigns, so if you’ve been dying to make a spun sugar sculpture, or get really weirdly into plants, or repaint a room black, this is the time to do it. Otherwise, the universe wants you to give in to joy this weekend, so try to stay off the grid. On Sunday, a small work emergency may pop up, but it can probably wait till Monday.

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It’s Zoom Thanksgiving Time: Weekend Horoscopes Nov 20-22

Is everyone ready for Zoom Thanksgiving? Should be a super great time and like, isn’t it fun that we’re trying to avoid superspreader events considering the original Thanksgiving kinda kicked off the whole intentionally spreading disease to other people thing? The irony!

Anyway, while we all wonder how to actually cook a turkey, the planets are gearing up for a super fun week of emotions and social distancing. Can’t wait. But, hey—at least Scorpio season is over.

Sagittarius

Communication and like, wanting to learn stuff are on the docket this weekend, Sagittarius. We don’t necessarily recommend calling up your conservative relatives and schooling them about COVID, the election, and other common sense sh*t (although that’s hilar). Maybe try learning a language or reading a book about interesting Thanksgiving recipes your mom will get mad at. Sunday is all about home, so vacuum your room and maybe dust something since you like, tend to neglect that quite a bit.

Capricorn

Pay down some bills, Capricorn. Since you have a little time before the holiday shopping gets serious, use Saturday to review your gift ideas, figure out a budget, and stick to it. If you’re careful, you could throw a lil extra toward your car or student loans this month. Communication prevails on Sunday, so if you were planning on writing up some SOPs for work or just playing with the idea of having a deep feminist discussion with your bestie, now’s the time.

Aquarius

How are you feeling about you, Aquarius? Use Friday night and Saturday morning to spoil yourself—whether that looks like ordering in a box of tacos or a bubble bath with champagne or just scrolling through Target’s early Black Friday deals. Sunday is all about helping others and getting a pulse on your finances, so combine the two and volunteer your time somewhere like an animal shelter, then build in donations to worthy causes into your budget.

Pisces

Get ready for some weird f*cking dreams, Pisces. You’ll probably wake up in a cold sweat on Saturday morning after reliving some childhood trauma like throwing up on yourself in 3rd grade, but try to get past it and connect with some friends over a drink or two later. Sunday is for boosting your own self-esteem, so break out some hair masks and face masks and cozy slippers and martinis cause, sis, you deserve it.

Aries

Spend time with your friends this weekend, Aries, in whatever way you can so as to not be responsible for giving a bunch of people the ‘rona. We’d suggest a Friday night FaceTime wine and whatever’s-in-your-fridge happy hour. Just think: you and all your friends sitting in pajamas, miles apart, drinking wine straight out of the bottle and eating cheese/leftover pizza together. Sounds amazing tbh. Saturday the planets are pushing you to be generous, so maybe it’s time to clean out your closet (including your old winter coats) and donate them to the poor and slightly less fashionable.

Taurus

The moon is making moves in your career sector, so use this weekend to review your life and professional goals. Update your resume—it’s safe to remove that job at the dog kennel you had when you were 15 (just saying). Check out your LinkedIn and make sure it’s profesh-to-death i.e. great pictures, samples of your work, an updated resume, and everything you’d want to see if you were looking to hire a PA or something. Finally, plan to sit and chat with your boss on Monday and prepare for said convo on Sunday. You won’t get what you don’t ask for.

Gemini

Get ready for an adventure this weekend, Gemini. And since it’s 2020, adventure means taking a drive and not interacting with strangers, which we’re not that mad about. Take a trip to a cute town within an hour’s drive and shop local for some early holiday gifts. Amazon doesn’t need your money. After you’re mini-trip, relax on Sunday with House Hunters: Europe edition. It’ll be JUST like traveling.

Cancer

It’s all about you and your partner this weekend, Cancer. Make time on Friday night to cuddle up and enjoy each other’s company. Whether it’s breaking out fuzzy handcuffs or just sitting and watching serial killer dramas together, do whatever appeals to both of you. On Sunday, you’ll both be ready to get out of the house and explore a bit, so opt for a hike or nature walk in the early hours together. If that doesn’t sound fun, order brunch for delivery and stay in bed.

Leo

It’s all about intimacy this weekend, Leo, so if you have a partner, it’s prime time to cuddle up and do nothing but each other all weekend. Aside from physical intimacy, you should also make time for riveting discussion, enjoying activities that aren’t sex together (like eating and walking), and talking about future goals. If you’re single, the stars are aligned for promising dates on Friday and Saturday, so don’t be afraid to go outside the comfort zone.

Virgo

Are you being healthy, Virgo? This weekend the planets want you to examine your lifestyle and really question whether or not your routine is helping or hurting. Are you crazy burned-out at work? Are you getting enough sleep? Is your bra giving you a rash? etc. As the holidays sneak up on us, it’s a good time to sit back, relax, and think about how you’re spending your time and if it’s good for your overall well-being.

Libra

Get ready to feel artsy af this weekend, Libra. Whether you’ve been dying to redo a room in your house or just really want to make a macaroni and glitter painting for your mom, the stars are totally aligned for you to get your creativity on. Saturday night you may have a tiny crisis regarding if you’re really happy or not re: your job. Try to compartmentalize your feelings and figure out what’s making you happy and what isn’t in your 9 to 5.

Scorpio

The moon wants you to cuddle up and nest this weekend, Scorpio, and considering the onslaught that is the holidays sneaking ever closer, it’s probably a good idea. We recommend sweats and binging season 4 of The Crown so you can feel classy. Sunday the stars demand you call your mom, dad, or fav sibling and just shoot the sh*t for awhile. Though it may be exhausting in the moment, time with your family—even over the phone—will help you feel refreshed going into the next week.

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Turn Off The News & Take A Walk: Weekend Horoscopes November 6-8

Are we all just collectively screaming into the void at the point? Are we experiencing cautious enthusiasm? How many hours of election coverage do you have to watch before you don’t feel feelings anymore? The good news is that, one way or the other, it’ll all be over soon. On top of that, looks like everyone is in for a very chill weekend, thanks to the planets reading the f*cking room and not piling more sh*t on top of us. Grool!

Scorpio

The moon is going to heavily f*ck with your emotions on Friday, Scorpio, so know that along with your election and COVID anxiety, you’ll have some regular anxiety, too. Saturday you’ll be craving emotional stability, snuggles, and love, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself smoothing over any arguments or tiffs in the interest of everyone getting along.

Sagittarius

Lean in to adventure this weekend, Sagittarius. Honestly, with the amount of stress we all just lived through, it’s a great time to go tf outside and ditch your phone for as long as possible. Bonus points if you try a new activity/sport/challenging hike you’ve never done before. Sunday you may feel some internal tension between wanting to stick to your budget and blowing your whole paycheck on something from Tiffany’s because, dammit, you deserve it. Just try to find a middle ground.

Capricorn

It’s the battle of your needs vs. everyone else’s, Capricorn. This weekend, you’ll find yourself pulled every which way emotionally, so try to center yourself, breathe, and balance. You’ll find on Saturday that communicating is f*cking difficult, so try to explain to your S.O., family, and friends that talking/texting is difficult atm, and you need some space so you don’t say things you don’t actually mean.

Aquarius

Tackle your f*cking problems, Aquarius. On Friday, you’ll have some bright ideas about how to better attack your work projects AND get your boss to appreciate you. That’ll be cause for heading out for a socially distanced and responsible beer with a friend or two afterwards. Saturday and Sunday you may feel some emotional tug-of-war between your wants and your partner’s, so try to meet in the middle. Like, if he wants pizza and you want nachos, compromise and get nachos.

Pisces

You’re feeling super creative this weekend, Pisces, so make a plan to redecorate your apartment, paint a random room, or rearrange your mom’s furniture just to piss her off. After your HGTV-ness, take some time on Sunday to think about your career. Are you truly happy? Does your resume need updating? Should you take up that old guy that slid into your DMs about being a sugar daddy? Just saying.

Aries

Love is in the air, Aries, so gear up for a date with someone new or spend some time with your S.O. this weekend. Things may get off to a rocky start and tensions may be a little high, thanks to the moon and planets pissing each other off, but rest assured that everything will smooth out by Saturday afternoon. Sunday is all about you, so order in and watch people f*ck up Genoise sponges on The Great British Baking Show again.

Taurus

Write a book, make up a recipe, or just call your mom and yap for a while this weekend, Taurus. I’m sure channeling your nauseous energy re: the election into something communicatory will be easy. Saturday is also prime for romance, so if you’ve been swiping through Tinder lately, it may be a good time to finally make a date. If you’re already in a relationship, try doing an activity that is neither Netflix nor chill with your S.O. this weekend.

Gemini

Relax, Gemini. The moon is heightening your #feelings all weekend, so if Saturday looks like a good opportunity for laying around, taking a bubble bath, and writing in your journal, go for it. Sunday you need to make a plan to get tf outside and enjoy what’s probably the last of the decent weather. Bring a bottle of wine and make your friends enjoy the sun with you.

Cancer

It’s all about your romantic relationship this weekend, Cancer. Friday night you may feel some tension with your S.O., but you’ll probs smooth it over with pizza and wearing that lacy underwear he enjoys. Otherwise, you should probably focus on your budget this weekend—you know, the one you haven’t been adhering to like, at all. Get that sh*t onto an Excel spreadsheet and formulate how to afford traveling again in 2022 and also how to not spend $400 every weekend at Target.

Leo

Pay attention to your dreams on Friday night, Leo, since they may actually mean something this time around. Saturday and Sunday you’ll be feeling especially nice—i.e., your election/COVID/seasonal depression and anxiety will take a hiatus for the day—so call up some friends and do something fun. Bonus points if it involves toasting one to several mimosas to our new president.

Virgo

Time to turn inward and snuggle the weekend away, Virgo. Friday after work you may be craving some fam and friend time, so head out for dinner or plan a long phone call with a friend. The rest of the weekend is for tidying your f*cking apartment, reading, and being away from other human beings, since this week was so emotionally exhausting.

Libra

Friday may be rough, Libra, but the weekend won’t be. Just accept that the last day of this week will be about as painful as the rest of it has been. Then go to bed and sleep it off. Saturday and Sunday you’ll be in better spirits and in the mood to mingle with your favs, so pick a brewery or a nature trail to spend some socially distanced time together.

Images: Giphy (12)