Hug your mom, vow to eat more salad in time for summer, and embrace the weekend, everybody. It’s time, once again, to look to the stars and wonder if, just maybe, we’re in for something chill.
There’s already been so much good news this week. More people are getting vaccinated, Trump has been banned indefinitely from social media, we all have an equal chance of matching with Bill Gates on Tinder, and warmer weather is settling in. C’mon, stars—give us those positive vibes in our personal lives.
Taurus
Sleep in and get your dreams on, Taurus. The universe is going to unleash some weird sh*t once you’re asleep, so keep a notepad or your phone close by so you can jot down all the insane sh*t that goes through your brain. Venus is on the move Saturday night and Sunday, so use those vibes to explore your material possessions. Translated another way: Go through your old sh*t and the sh*t you don’t fit into and donate it.
Gemini
It’s all about friendship this weekend, Gemini, so if you and your besties have gotten vaccinated, go tf out and have a drunk brunch. Not vaccinated? I can think of no better lady date than heading to your nearest Walgreens together to get stuck with needles. The second half of the weekend you’ll be #feelingyourself , so make plans for a date night with your S.O. or take the plunge on that Tinder match you’ve been on the fence about.
Cancer
You’ll close out the workweek on a career high, Cancer, so carry that energy into the weekend. If you’ve been killin’ it at work, don’t be afraid to dedicate an hour or two to a project your boss wants done this Saturday. Continuing on that trend, maybe it’d be a good idea to grab a beer or two with a coworker on Saturday night. Team building and networking could pay off later, even if it’s kinda painful now.
Leo
Learn something new this weekend, Leo. Maybe you can open up that Duolingo app and pick your French back up, oui? Or maybe you can read a book by someone other than a former Bachelor contestant? Idk. Sunday you’ll feel the need to break out of the house and do something exciting, so we’d recommend a hike up the side of a mountain with a reward (see: alcohol) at the end.
Virgo
Communication is key this weekend, Virgo. Make time for phone calls with mom, meetups with friends, and long, drawn-out convos about nothing in particular with your S.O. Sunday is a great day to update your resume, peruse jobs and side hustles, and, just maybe, get a head start on a few work emails for Monday. The stars want you to succeed—go f*cking figure.
Libra
Plan to spend time with your S.O. or bestie this weekend, Libra, because the stars are lining up for great partnership vibes. Maybe you can bring up buying that patio set without a fight ensuing! Or maybe you can convince them that yes, a 10-day vacation is absolutely worth maxing out the credit cards. Like, you’ve been trapped for a year; you earned it.
Scorpio
Examine your self-care habits, Scorpio. Aside from drinking more water, eating real vegetables that don’t come on pizza/tacos/stir-fry, and cutting toxic people from your life, it may be a good weekend to have an important convo with someone close to you, like your mom or S.O. Self-care means upping that positive energy, babe, and you can’t do that with negative comments weighing you down.
Sagittarius
Time for projects, Sagittarius; and this weekend, that could mean anything from painting a random wall in your house because you saw it on Pinterest to doing #work on your boyfriend to psychologically push him to putting his f*cking wet towels in the hamper. Sunday is actually a great day for partnerships, so maybe projects related to, or involving, the latter could be fruitful.
Capricorn
Do work at home and on your turf this weekend, Capricorn. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s finally time to wash your sheets or dust your baseboards. The stars are actually pushing you to make your nest ideal in every way—and that includes having much needed convos with people you live with. Has your roommate crossed the line for the last time? Is your cat’s total lack of respect for you simply no longer tolerable? Communication is actually in your corner, so don’t be afraid to do some housekeeping of a different kind.
Aquarius
Read a book, Aquarius, or, better yet, take an online class—like one of those expensive cooking ones where you pay a bunch of money for Gordon Ramsey to yell at you. If you somehow can’t get that together by this weekend, we’d recommend dining out and learning about a new cuisine, or taking a hike and learning about which mushrooms to forage and which to like, really not touch.
Pisces
It’s all about money this weekend, Pisces. Examine your finances and try not to take stock advice from people on Reddit threads, even if their memes are hilarious. Instead, invest in something real, like whatever the opposite of Dogecoin is. Sunday is a great opportunity for you to relax and catch up on binge watching Sesame Street with the kids in your life. Elmo has some really catchy tunes lately, so you can look forward to those bops being stuck in your head.
Aries
You’re feeling on top of the world this weekend, Aries. Plan on honoring yourself all day Saturday by sleeping in, grabbing lunch and drinks with friends, then coming home early so you can be in bed by 9pm. Honestly, it’s all about balance. Use Sunday to get a head start on something that’s been a goal for awhile, like cooking your way through a complicated Bon Appétit recipe or hand-writing thank-you notes from your wedding two years ago.
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Welp, here we are again, praying that the universe is kind this weekend and that Aries—that tricky, fickle bitch—doesn’t cause unnecessary drama, fights, or #feelings just because it doesn’t have any zodiac friends. Like, don’t take it out on us, Aries. Maybe it’s time you gave therapy a try.
Anyway, maybe this is the weekend that things go super right and everyone is in a great mood? We can hope.
Aries
It’s probably best you aren’t around people the first half of the weekend, Aries, since you’re likely to blow up and say mean, hurtful things without really meaning them. Luckily, by Saturday evening the fog will have lifted and you’ll be sorta nice again. Use Sunday to rearrange sh*t in your house so you can feel like you paid someone a bunch of money for interior design work. It’ll be fun.
Taurus
Your brain won’t STFU or turn off this weekend Taurus, and although that’s usually really f*cking annoying, you should use it to your own benefit. If you’ve been trying to impress your boss, tackle that work project you’ve been putting off. If you hate work and are looking for your big break, this weekend is the time to write your memoir or pursue becoming some kind of influencer. Idk if it’ll work (probs not), but the stars are telling you to believe in yourself, so go for it.
Gemini
You’re dying to be the life of the party, so head out somewhere you can socially distance on Saturday and surround yourself (from six feet away) with people who will soak up your awesomeness. Sunday is all about adult sh*t, though, so stick close to home and go through your spending from the last week. You may find that you’ve gone a little off the rails with takeout this month, so maybe it’s time to research meal planning and easy recipes.
Cancer
Chill tf out, Cancer. You may have some trouble powering down on Friday night, but if you can’t sleep, maybe you can do something productive, like a puzzle, or the dishes that have been there since Tuesday. Saturday will be much more relaxed, so plan on sticking close to home and wearing a lot of stretchy loungewear.
Leo
You’re dying to be social this weekend, Leo, so make plans with some friends after work on Friday and find a restaurant or bar where you can tip well, support local, and get maybe a little bit tipsy. Nurse your hangover on Saturday with some much needed r&r in the form of Netflix murder mysteries, then head to bed early because the universe wants to fill your head with some weird dreams.
Virgo
Work sucks, Virgo, and you’re kind of fighting the urge to let a string of inappropriate no-no words fly at your boss on Friday. Calm down, leave, and use the weekend to recharge, update that resume, and try to get your head around the whole situation. The moon is like, “talk to a friend,” so take that advice and call up some of your favs for a “what would you do” chat.
Libra
Consider the stars your excuse for getting off the couch this weekend, Libra. Plan a long hike (maybe, like, with wine at the end as a reward) so you can be one with nature on Saturday, and make a conscious effort to keep your phone/computer/screens off and away for at least the day. You may have to deal with some work stuff on Sunday, but it won’t be anything you can’t handle after a margarita or two.
Scorpio
If something has been bothering you, get to the bottom of it this weekend, Scorpio. Maybe you’ve wanted to tackle a few subjects with your S.O., like vacuuming duties or how often he’s been doing Zoom happy hours. Just keep it light, and you should be able to weed through some bullsh*t. Sunday is for funsies, so make time to go out and grab a glass or wine with a friend.
Sagittarius
You’ll need some deep breathing in order to not be the next subject of a murder doc this weekend, Sagittarius. Your S.O. is going to get on your last f*cking nerve, so instead of screaming through it, just get out of the house for the day. Plan a dinner out with your partner on Sunday once you’ve both had some time to breathe and be apart. Maybe some weird makeup sex thrown in for good measure? Idk, you do you.
Capricorn
Ignore work drama, Capricorn, even if a parking lot fist fight between those two toxic bros in accounting is A+ entertainment heading into the weekend. Saturday the moon is all about highlighting your partnerships, so whether you’re in a committed relationship, need time with your bestie, or want to schedule a mommy date, set a few hours aside to be with someone whose company you enjoy.
Aquarius
Sexy times are in store this weekend, Aquarius. If you’re in a relationship, schedule a date night with your S.O. either at your fav restaurant or at home with pizza, sweats, and a movie you can text through. Then, plan a long, fun romp in bed. You deserve it. If you’re single, now is absolutely the time to meet up with your Tinder crush. Keep it casual, like a few beers at a brewery, a walk in the park, or a nacho-eating contest. It could lead to big sh*t.
Pisces
You may feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster this weekend, Pisces. Instead of blowing up at your friends and fam, use your creative, moody energy to do hot girl sh*t around the house, like painting a wall, refurbishing that old dresser, or just perusing home improvement boards on Pinterest. Even if your project doesn’t end up like your vision, at least you’ll have kept from having dumb arguments with people you actually like.
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The weekend is here, the weather isn’t horrible, people are getting vaccinated, and maybe, just maybe, there’s some light at the end of the this long, sh*tty tunnel. Idk about you, but the prospect of going on vacation or lying on a beach is really starting to appeal to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love social distancing and telling strangers to step back every chance I get. I’ll probably do it for the rest of my life. It just might be nice to do that in a different location, you know? Anyway, here’s what the stars predict for you this weekend.
Aries
Work from home on Friday so you can be ready to tear sh*t up Saturday and Sunday. The moon is playing nice this weekend, so plan to make big changes—from your curtains, to your hair, to your attitude about your job. Whether you do better tackling large life feelings and changes alone or with friends is up to you—just be ready to be in your existential feelings about who you are and wtf you’re doing.
Taurus
Emotional rollercoasters ahead, Taurus. Plan to spend some time powering down this weekend and reconnecting with nature, since your moods are about to be all over the f*cking place. Maybe try journaling under a tree, or relaxing in a hammock, or getting blackout at a winery. You do you. Just prepare for the the onslaught of emotions.
Gemini
The Aries moon is making you feel a little off this weekend, Gemini, so don’t be surprised if you’re extra touchy, sensitive, or snappy around friends and fam. Plan on using Saturday to quietly clean or watch a bunch of murder docs. Sunday can be for catching up on work emails, laying in the sun, and spending quality time with your dog.
Cancer
Get out, enjoy the weather, and live a little, Cancer. This weekend the moon is actually making decent moves for you, and you’ll be the center of attention and the life of the party wherever you end up. Host a grill-centric dinner party Saturday with a few close friends, or plan on morning brunch with your besties Sunday. Just make sure you get a good amount of rest, relaxation, and play in; this next work week is going to blow.
Leo
Energy is your middle name this weekend, Leo. You’re going to want to tackle all the things, from deep cleaning your apartment to f*cking off in Target for hours to calling your mom to having marathon sex with your partner. Chill out, and choose like, maybe one or two things to focus on. Sleeping in on Saturday is actually going to be way better than spending your paycheck on sh*t you don’t need.
Virgo
Mars and Neptune are f*cking sh*t up in regards to you knowing what you want, Virgo. Take some time Friday night to be alone and do the whole introspection thing. Wake up on Saturday ready to communicate with your partner about what you really need in your relationship. The stars may actually help you get get it.
Libra
It’s all about relationships this weekend, Libra. If you’ve been meaning to delve into deep sh*t with your S.O., or have a come-to-Jesus moment with your mom, or maybe cut that toxic friend out of your life, this is the weekend to do it. Time alone on Friday to get your thoughts together before any big convos could be helpful, so maybe book yourself a yoga class complete with a solo wine and dine for the evening.
Scorpio
Even though everyone else is on the struggle bus during Aries season, you seem to be thriving, Scorpio. Take advantage of your good mood and call up some of your favs to hang with this weekend. An outdoor porch with bottomless mimosas sounds primo. Use Sunday to take some time for yourself before the Monday work meltdown hits.
Sagittarius
Hooray for creativity, Sagittarius. Get your HGTV on and do some projects around the house or outdoors. Maybe it’s time to head to Home Depot and figure out how to make a container garden on your patio that’ll piss your downstairs neighbors off! If you’re not into planting sh*t or are afraid of horticultural murder, maybe opt for painting a picture or drawing something for your S.O. He’ll love that.
Capricorn
Avoid drama and be nice this weekend, Capricorn. The Aries planets are making you miserable and liable to start a fight, just like the rest of us. But they’re also highlighting family, so instead of arguing about sh*t, make a genuine effort to be compassionate, say nice things, and scream into a pillow instead of into someone’s face. It’s all about balance.
Aquarius
Grab your favorite person and head out on a short weekend trip, Aquarius. The universe is pushing you to leave the couch and explore, and since you can’t really book a trip to Bali right now without everyone thinking you’re an asshole, maybe a quick drive to that cute mountain town a few hours away will abate your wanderlust for a hot sec. It will also help you feel closer to whichever friend, S.O., or family member you decide to drag with you.
Pisces
Pay attention to money this weekend, Pisces. More so than keeping track of your budget and not blowing your paycheck on sh*t you don’t need, it may be a good time to explore stocks and investing in something a teeny bit risky and something super safe. Ask your friend in finance if you need advice and don’t pull out of your 401(k).
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Adios, March! Time to welcome April, also known as the rainy month that brings on the warm weather. Just think: we’re that much closer to summer. Maybe it’ll be a real summer. Like, with vacations, and tanning, and bottomless mimosas, and regret. Gosh, I missed irresponsibility.
Anyway, the stars are here to make your weekend maybe a little better? Little worse? Honestly, who knows anymore.
Aries
It’s a great weekend for your self-esteem, Aries. Basically, if you’ve been in the mood to recreate your wardrobe/gym routine/habits/self in general, this is the time to do it. The stars are going to make it difficult to focus on much else, anyway. Also, be careful of sh*t you say that could be hurtful without you intending it to be. You may come off a bit more flippant than usual.
Taurus
Listen to your gut this weekend, Taurus; and not just if it’s telling you, yes, you do need the Quesalupa Combo Meal from Taco Bell for lunch because, dammit, you earned it. Meditate, journal, go for a walk in (ugh) nature, and call your mom. If you’ve been having doubts about your job, relationship, or wtf you’re doing in life, it’s time to sit down and give those thoughts some room.
Gemini
You’re all about helping others this weekend, Gemini, so if you’ve been just dying to get your inner philanthropist on, it’s your time to shine. Volunteer at an animal shelter, donate a bunch of old-but-still-fashionable clothes, offer to babysit for your mommy friend who (I can promise you) is overwhelmed. Or just go small and donate some money to Planned Parenthood in the name of any Republican congressperson or senator. They LOVE that sh*t.
Cancer
How’s that career working out for you, Cancer? If the answer is “ugh” or “f*ck off”, then maybe it’s time to update the ol’ resume, scour the internet, and sign up for those business classes that, yes, you can take online. You don’t do anything on Thursday nights, anyway. You absolutely have time.
Leo
Get out of the house the weekend, Leo. Grab your S.O. and head out for a picnic in the sunshine so you can totally day drink. You’re also going to be dying to go on some sort of adventure, so even if it’s just a trip downtown, to a restaurant, or even to Restoration Hardware, make sure you make plans.
Virgo
It’s an emotional rollercoaster of a weekend, Virgo. Lean in and break out the rom-coms, Taylor Swift Spotify station, and sweats. It’s okay to move away from your planned, logical, Type-A side every once in awhile. Sh*t, have mimosas and waffles for breakfast on Saturday and Sunday while you’re at it. Order brunch and don’t look at the menu beforehand. Live wildly.
Libra
Aries is f*cking sh*t up in your relationships this weekend, Libra. It doesn’t have to be a knockdown, drag-out fight, though. Listen, be open, and stop making winning the argument the ultimate objective. By Sunday, things will have cooled down, and you can try to channel that rage into some weird, but interesting, end-of-weekend sex. Hooray!
Scorpio
Take care of yourself this weekend, Scorpio. You’ve been focused on work, your relationships, your house, your mom—literally everyone and everything except you this week. Schedule some time for a solo brunch, massage, pedi, and long walk to clear your mind. Don’t feel guilty about canceling plans or saying no. Leave your work email alone; it’ll be there on Monday.
Sagittarius
You’re literally exploding with love this weekend, Sagittarius. The planets are influencing your passion, so don’t be surprised if you call your mom/dad/brother/bestie and go on and on about how amazing they are. Likewise, try not to smother your partner. You know that three rounds in the bedroom is about all he can handle for the evening. Sunday is a great day to tackle house projects, so turn that passion for people into passion for dusting so you can fully embrace the whole spring cleaning vibe.
Capricorn
Aries continues to f*ck sh*t up for you, too, this weekend, Capricorn. Little tiffs over who last emptied the dishwasher could easily turn into full-fledged screaming matches about that time he didn’t pick you up from the airport three years ago and was hungover at that first meeting with your parents. The moon on Sunday should cool things off, so maybe stay away from people and arguments by spending some time outdoors.
Aquarius
Calm down, Aquarius. We get that this weekend has made you feel so f*cking popular, but it’s important that you space out your outings, have some time for yourself, and don’t tell your boss you can work late or, like, ever on a Saturday. Make sure that the people and/or things that you do commit to mean a lot to you and care for you. Like, committing to watching murder dramas on Netflix or committing to brunch with your bestie who loves to compliment you seems like a wonderful way to spend a weekend. Cleaning? Not so much.
Pisces
Don’t blow your money on dumb sh*t, Pisces. I realize that Alexa has been listening to your internal and external thoughts and the ad targeting has been PRIIIIMO, but, honestly, you don’t need the porch set/lifetime supply of Sour Patch Kids/treadmill right now. Instead, focus on your budget this weekend, and PLAN for a big, cool purchase that you actually need.
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We’re a few weeks into 2021 and we’ve seen some improvements already. This week gave us the return of fashion, happiness, and hope to the White House. We got the final goodbye from Florida Man and Melania (may they never tweet again) and The Bachelor, though boring, almost felt like a non-pandemic affair. Basically, this week’s near return to normalcy felt like the equivalent of taking my bra off after working a double.
Do the stars share our hopefulness for the future and, like, weekend? Let’s dive in.
Aquarius
Talk about energy, Aquarius. You’re ready to tackle some sh*t this weekend, be it cleaning out your closet, going for a six-mile hike (ew), or finishing that bottle of wine all by yourself. The stars will be pushing you to focus on your nest by Saturday evening, so we’d recommend just going ahead and getting a lot of that spring cleaning out of the way. By Sunday night, though, you’ll want to kick back, relax, and lament that fact that you have work on Monday.
Pisces
Stay home and embrace hygge, Pisces. Whether you decide to tackle making bread, test drive all of your coziest sweaters at once, or just want to lie around and read some classic novels, any kind of cuddling up in your nest is what the stars want from you this weekend. Make sure not to completely isolate yourself, though. Your communication abilities will be on f*cking point, so call your bestie and shoot the sh*t for a while, too.
Aries
Pay attention to your budget (or lack thereof) on Friday, Aries. Like, no, you don’t need to spend $50 on delivery when the restaurant is within walking distance of your apartment. Saturday and Sunday you’ll feel the need to get out and explore, so become a tourist in your own town and try a cafe you’ve never popped into, take your dog to the park, or drive around downtown. It’ll clear your head after what feels like the longest January on record.
Taurus
You’ll get some much-needed attention this weekend, Taurus, so soak up the spotlight. Your self-esteem, in turn, will skyrocket, so after work on Friday be sure to schedule a girls’ night, date night, or out-of-the-house activity that will get you seen. After you blow all your money, Saturday and Sunday are perfect for examining your financial situation. Buckle down and make yourself a budget.
Gemini
You’re going to be feeling psychic af this weekend, Gemini. It’s like you have ESPN or something. You may get some messages in your dreams, so wear your comfiest pajamas and go to bed early on Friday so you can soak up whatever the universe is telling you. Saturday and Sunday are for communication and connection, so if your S.O. is around, it may be a good opportunity to talk about your #feelings and then order and share a pizza.
Cancer
After work, it’s time to drink a beer with your coworkers on Zoom, Cancer. I know you’ve been putting it off because you aren’t sure if you’d like these people OUTSIDE the figurative office, but give it a chance. Hey, even if you don’t, you’ll at least be buzzed. Saturday and Sunday, the stars are sending you messages via dreams and gut feelings, so try to pay attention to any signals that aren’t hunger or indigestion.
Leo
Time to focus on your career, Leo. You may have been putting off asking for that 15% raise with your boss, but grab the opportunity on Friday and f*cking go for it. After that negotiation, you’ll want to use Saturday and Sunday for some social time with close family and friends. Head to a winery and sip something you can’t afford outdoors. Or find a brewery with a fire pit and food truck with some soul-satisfying (see: greasy) food.
Virgo
GTFO of your house this weekend, Virgo. You have the urge to travel, but thanks to the pandemic, that’s kind of out of the question ATM. Instead, take a drive to some nearby mountains, the beach, or a town you haven’t explored. Soak in the scenery and tell yourself that you can go to Europe next year. Maybe. If everyone behaves. Sunday you may want to check up on your work email so you don’t have any surprises waiting for you on Monday.
Libra
Pay attention to your feelings on Friday afternoon, Libra. Your gut is pushing you to do or listen to something in particular, and this time, it’s totally right. So whether you need to tune into the psychic frequency by drinking a bottle of wine or lying in a bathtub, own it. Saturday and Sunday will be more fun, so plan for brunch or shopping local with a best friend so you can like, leave the house.
Scorpio
Talk about romance, Scorpio! This is a prime weekend to schedule date night and maybe celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit early. The universe is making you feel super compatible and on-the-same-page with your S.O., so take advantage and soak up each other’s company as much as you can. Like, maybe it’s a good time to bring up that DIY project or kitchen remodel he’s been sorta against? Just saying.
Sagittarius
Are you taking care of yourself, Sagittarius? Use the weekend to really examine your habits, from your relationship with the UberEats driver to your inability to walk up a flight of stairs without panting to your body’s surprise and delight when you actually drink water. I mean, new year, new you, right? We’re not saying give in to diet culture (f*cking ew), we’re just saying take care of your bod and mind.
Capricorn
Get your hands dirty this weekend, Capricorn. Creativity reigns, so if you’ve been dying to make a spun sugar sculpture, or get really weirdly into plants, or repaint a room black, this is the time to do it. Otherwise, the universe wants you to give in to joy this weekend, so try to stay off the grid. On Sunday, a small work emergency may pop up, but it can probably wait till Monday.
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