Mercury retrograde is officially over and it’s time to go deep with a new moon in Cancer. This watery, emotional energy is affecting everyone differently this week, but there’s one thing we can all count on: unexpectedly crying about an episode of a show you’ve seen one hundred times before. Sometimes the “Dinner Party” episode of The Office just hits different. You’ve been warned.

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

The new moon in Cancer is electrifying your house of work and finances, meaning that now is the perfect time for a fresh start in your career. I mean, 99.9% of all careers are in complete chaos right now, so why not throw out the script and try something new? Your intuition will serve you well here, so don’t resist the urge to change up your priorities. It’s probably right.

Cancer

The new moon is in your sign, Cancer, which can mean a new mission, if you choose to accept it. Keep an eye out for unusual or out-of-the-box opportunities that may present themselves this week, and definitely don’t tune out the voice in the back of your head pushing you to try new things. Unless it tells you to start a podcast. We’re good on those, actually.

Leo

The new moon in Cancer has you going deep, Leo, making this the perfect time to release some sh*t that is holding you back. Moving on is the name of the game this week, whether it be from a sh*tty job, a sh*tty friend, or a sh*tty ex. Basically, anything sh*tty that is keeping you from doing you has got to go. We’ve got enough to deal with with a global pandemic. No need to have a f*ckboy in the equation too.

Virgo

You usually prefer to fly solo (mostly because people can’t get on your level), but this week the new moon in Cancer has you feeling the collaborative vibes. And sure, “collaboration” has taken on a whole new meaning in 2020, but that doesn’t mean the art of teamwork is dead. This week, don’t shy away from asking for help on a project, or reaching out to someone you’ve always wanted to work with. They could end up being the Gayle to your Oprah (bc let’s face it…you’re obviously Oprah.)

Libra

You’re making money moves this week, Libra, unemployment crisis be damned! This is a great week for making decisions regarding your financial future, and for laying the ground work to your success. Allow your ambition to take the wheel this week and follow where it leads you. It could lay the groundwork to your future life as a billionaire mogul.

Scorpio

Your desire for a 2020 summer vacation will come roaring back this week, Scorpio, whether that is actually possible or not. God damn you, inner travel influencer! If a small local getaway is safely possible, pack a bag and get thee to a socially distant beachfront location. If it’s not (aka you live in any major American city), lean into the staycation lifestyle by taking a day off. Did you know you’re allowed to take a vacation day even if the “vacation” is day drinking margaritas in your living room? If you close your eyes, it’s almost like your trip to Ibiza wasn’t canceled. Almost.

Sagittarius

Summer 2020 has been intense for everyone, but no one so much as Sagittarius. You thrive on the fun-loving, fast-traveling, hot, hot, heat of summer so without that…yeah. You’re struggling. This week, Cancer lights up your eighth house of intimacy, meaning that your great summer adventure might finally present itself in the form of a relationship. Don’t ignore the people who pop into your life this week. They could be just the vacation you were looking for.

Capricorn

Pay attention to your ride or dies this week, Capricorn. With the new moon in your house of relationships, the people who show up for you now are the ones deserving of your time and energy. All the rest is just noise. And if that noise can’t even text back in a timely manner? It’s definitely time to delete and move on.

Aquarius

Some me time is in order, Aquarius. You’ve been holding down the fort for everyone in your life, but it’s time to give yourself a little TLC. The Cancer new moon is heightening your need for self-care, including but not limited to: long baths, decadent dinners, DIY face masks, and refusing to answer Rachel’s one hundredth text about how the pandemic is ruining her ability to tan and she doesn’t feel like herself when she’s not tan. You deserve the you time, and Rachel will be fine. Pale, but fine.

Pisces

Lights, camera, Pisces! This week the spotlight is all on you as the Cancer new moon chills in your glam fifth house. Sure, this could bring a little bit of an “all dressed up with nowhere to go” feeling, but hey, that’s what Instagram is for. Feel free to show off your glowing skin and good hair days with abandon on the ‘gram. If people really hate it they can mute you (just like you did to them.)

Images: Giphy (12)

If you were looking for an excuse to skip work this week, maybe the planets can help out. It’s probably a better mental exercise to throw out your phone, stop looking at the internet, and just sit quietly on your patio until everyone wears a mask, Trump stops tweeting and the Karens of the world crawl back into their Live Laugh Love-adorned homes. If that isn’t an option, though, and you still need to pretend to be a functioning member of society, allow the universe to provide some vague clues as to what’s in store.

Cancer

Get ready for the emo feels, Cancer. The moon, your ruler, is taking you on a rollercoaster of emotions this week, so get ready to overreact to everything. Pizza didn’t reheat correctly? Breakdown. Boss unknowingly unmuted you while you farted on that Zoom call? Instant tears. Mom not answering your call while you’re bored? Anxiety attack. Oh, and be careful toward Thursday and Friday, when you’re likely to come THIIIIS close to telling your director to shove it.

Leo

The sun is making your work-life mental balance a breeze this week, Leo. Take the opportunity and tackle a work project and home DIY project that’s been sitting on your to-do list for like, a while. If work takes the wind out of your sails by Tuesday, though, it’s okay to be a little less gung-ho and tackle something easier, like making dinner for yourself instead of ordering out again. Regardless, the planets will def be on your side.

Virgo

It’s all about learning this week, Virgo. Your work life may benefit from your need to soak up awesomeness and new skills this week, so make sure you’re reminding everyone what a valuable asset you are to the team. It could be as simple as learning how to Photoshop better or as difficult as mastering crystal reporting in Excel. Whatever the case, you’ll sail through this week ready to celebrate how great you are by the weekend.

Libra

The moon and Venus are in the perfect place for you to push boundaries this week, Libra, but less in a rock-the-boat way and more in a happy adventure sort of way. Like, it could be a great week to talk up your latest project with your boss and be rewarded because of it (maybe even with money!). It could also be a great opportunity to challenge your partner to try that new, kinda weird thing in bed. Sure, it’s a Wednesday night and he might be tired, but I’m pretty sure if you couch it the right way, safely exploring new frontiers shouldn’t be a hard sell.

Scorpio

It may be an emotionally tense week, Scorpio. Relationships may feel confusing and murky, so don’t feel bad if you and your S.O. are clashing more than usual. Like, should you have a screaming match over dishes in the sink or finding dirty, crusty socks in the couch? No, but the planets make us do weird sh*t sometimes.

Sagittarius

Money is on the horizon this week, Sagittarius, so it’s a great time to get your spending under control and your budget in order. Try to focus on the future, and not on things you think you want right now. The end of the week will put the onus on your relationships, so get ready to feel extra connected to your loved ones (even if you can’t see them IRL ATM).

Capricorn

You’re going to feel a pull to get serious this week, Capricorn. It could be about your future, about a relationship, or about your career. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to speak your mind and ask for what you want. Time that sh*t for the end of the week, though, because the moon is being a non-communicative asshole before then. F*cking planets.

Aquarius

Give in to the romance this week, Aquarius. Normally, the workweek doesn’t feel like the ideal time to explore intimacy, but Venus will be all about it Monday through Friday. Take time for some stimulating convos, indulging in sh*t you both enjoy, and lots of sexy time. If you’re single, use this week to explore what you’re truly looking for in a relationship. Sounds crazy, but actually understanding what you want may save you a lot of time, heartache, and sh*tty dates.

Pisces

It’s all about the warm and fuzzies this week, Pisces. FaceTime your mom and recount all of your fav old family stories, or fire up the grill with dad via Zoom so he can yell at you for flipping the burgers one too many times. Connecting with those closest to you will leave you feeling refreshed and renewed as you head into the weekend.

Aries

Rewards may be on the horizon, Aries. Lean in and make the most of it, and by that we mean once your boss says “good job on that PowerPoint/staying awake on that Zoom call/putting on pants for work today,” it’s time to treat yourself with an after-office-hours margarita and some terrible TV. You earned it.

Taurus

The moon and Uranus are all like, “switch it up, Taurus.” And you’re all like, “meh.” But, if you want this week to be productive, change up your routine a little. Maybe instead of hitting snooze four times before rolling into the ol’ home office, get up early two of five days for morning yoga or jogging. Or just try it once and tell everyone about it. Toward the end of the week, your foray into changing things up could actually give your romantic life a boost, too.

Gemini

The COVID times have made it difficult to connect with your loved ones, Gemini, but this week you’ll feel more at peace with the current state of sh*t than usual. It could be a call with your mom or a beer with a sibling that helps break up the monotony. Whatever the case, use the emotional boost from your fam to push through and get to the f*cking weekend.

Images: Giphy (12)

This week Mercury moves into Cancer until August 4th, which will bring a dreamy, introspective vibe to whatever the f*ck summer 2020 is going to be. Yes, there will probably be a few disappointments as COVID continues to cancel literally everything fun, but with Mercury in Cancer you’ll at least have the self-awareness to understand exactly why not being able to get blackout drunk at your BFF’s aunt’s Hamptons house is causing you so much pain. Though that one is kind of self-explanatory…

Aries

Mercury in Cancer means private time for Aries. This might be a great week for a social media detox, as you’ll be feeling in the mood to go off the grid a little bit. Not saying to go completely AWOL and end up as a missing persons report, but it never hurts to limit your scroll time. And just imagine how much better your life will be not knowing every detail of Meaghan from middle school’s bread baking journey.

Taurus

Bust out the journal! Mercury is in Cancer and that means you’re going to be feeling the deep, introspective vibes. Now is a great time to take a good, hard look at yourself, and put some thoughts down on the page. Who knows? You might end up writing something amazing and this could be step one toward becoming the quarantined Carrie Bradshaw. You just couldn’t help but wonder…

Gemini

With your ruling planet in Cancer, now is the time for some serious money moves. Chances are your finances have been in some way impacted by the events of the last few months and now is the time to make a levelheaded assessment of your financial future. Even if that just means deciding to save your stimulus check over trying botox for the first time.

Cancer

With Mercury in your sign, you’re going to find it way easier to express yourself. (Except when it goes into retrograde—but we’ll talk about that later.) Your IG captions are on point, your TikToks are next level, and your tweets are getting all of the RTs. Oh, and you’re communicating better with your friends, family, and loved ones. If that kind of thing matters to you…

Leo

Mercury is making you focus on yourself, and I know you’re probably thinking, “and that’s different how?” This is not a superficial, “why didn’t my post get more likes?” type of a self-obsession. This is true introspection. You’ll be going deep and finding out some real truths about yourself and growing from them. Like finally admitting you’ll never be a morning person so you can stop torturing yourself with that 5:30am alarm.

Virgo

Getting frustrated with the current *ahem* situation? Do something about it! Mercury in Cancer has activated your inner Leslie Knope, so pick a cause that is meaningful to you and spend some time over the next few months working to get it done. That pit in your neighborhood won’t become a park by itself!

Libra

Networking, networking, networking! Mercury in Cancer will be all about expanding your professional connections, so time to start thinking about how to do that while most companies are WFH through summer. Virtual meetups, “pick your brain” emails, and yes, connecting with someone on LinkedIn are all ways you can connect with others in your field while following CDC guidelines. It might seem corny, but sometimes you’ve got to be corny to get ahead. Look at Lin-Manuel Miranda!

Scorpio

You’re not ready to give up on summer 2020 just yet, and Mercury in Cancer is helping you think outside the box on how you can salvage the #summervibes. Sure, your plans to hit up Burning Man are as canceled as Woody Allen, but is there a socially distant vacation available to you? Look out for places you can go to recharge as restrictions life, either solo or with your quarantine buddy. Festivals will be back next year (I hope).

Sagittarius

Not to go all 2006 on you, but Mercury in Cancer is bringing sexy back in a major way. You’re feeling the flirty summer vibes even if summer 2020 isn’t quite what you expected. Single Sags should take this opportunity to dive back into the dating pool if their love life has been on pause. Those who are in a relationship should try to reignite the sexy energy, even if you’ve been farting on each other in sweatpants for the past sixty days.

Capricorn

Mercury in Cancer has turned you into a social(ly distant) butterfly, so let the Zoom Quiplash sessions roll in! If you’re allowed to gather in small groups in your area, assemble the quarantine pod for a hang at whoever’s place has a backyard big enough to stand six feet apart. If your city isn’t there yet (hi, New York), you’ll have to stick with FaceTime for a little bit longer. But on the bright side, at least you can mute yourself when you want to sh*t talk Rachel!

Aquarius

With Mercury in Cancer, you’re looking to revitalize your routines. And by “revitalize” them we mean “have them at all.” You like to be free-spirited, but that may have veered a little into the “depressed funk” territory in quarantine! No more! This week, commit yourself to a few simple tasks a day that will make you feel good, like eating breakfast, waking up 30 minutes early, or not staring at a screen for three hours before bed.

Pisces

Imagination and creativity are the name of the game for Pisces when Mercury is in Cancer, so pick a creative project and get to it! Now is the time to finally paint that bedroom wall, sew that throw pillow, or even just try a slightly more adventurous makeup tutorial. Sure, you may end up looking like a clown and getting roasted by your roommate, but what the narrow-minded plebs don’t understand is that being a clown is just part of your artistic process. Get with it.

Images: Giphy (12)

Gemini season in quarantine? And they said it couldn’t be done. This Wednesday the Sun kicks off its stay in super-social Gemini. You can imagine why that might be tricky right now. This month we’re all going to find creative ways to honor the urge to be a social butterfly, all while maintaining a safe, six-foot distance. What, like it’s hard?

Aries

Gemini season is all about making connections, so it’s no wonder you’re craving your crew hard right now. Organize whatever get togethers you can while still abiding by state and federal guidelines (nobody wants to be in one of those viral “look at all these assh*les at the bar” pics), whether it be a socially distant walk, or having a drink with a neighbor from across your porch. If that’s not safely possible, no shame in hitting up your old fallback: getting blackout drunk and playing Quiplash on Zoom.

Taurus

Yes, your season is coming to a close, but can you find one way to treat yourself before it goes? Find some time this week to do one last extremely Taurus-ey activity before handing the reins over to Gemini. This could mean a long, luxurious bubble bath, a long, luxurious dinner, or a long luxurious sex sesh with your long and luxiourious partner. Fancy vibrators included.

Gemini

Welcome to your season, Gemini! Starting on Wednesday everyone is finally on your wavelength and feeling the twin Gemini spirit, meaning now is the time to clear out your metaphorical closet. What did your last rotation around the Sun teach you? What goes, what stays? Use your season as an opportunity to create the new you. (Hint: it’s just the old you without all the bullsh*t.)

Cancer

Gemini season means slowing it way down for you, Cancer, so get ready to get comfortable. Oh, you’ve been in sweatpants since March? That’s a great start. Now is the time for rest and introspection. It’s a time to answer burning questions like why is it you suddenly can’t fall asleep until 4am? Could the fact that you were scrolling the Revolve sale section until 2am be the culprit?

Leo

Gemini season is a time for you to keep your eyes on the prize, Leo. Great things could be coming to you in your professional life and you’re on track for some major growth. But only if you don’t let yourself get distracted by the petty sh*t (like your cousin who won’t stop trying to get you involved in her pyramid scheme) or the not-so-petty sh*t (like the collapse of global society). Either way, those things are not in your control so you might as well say f*ck it all and focus on the one thing you can count on: your own damn self.

Virgo

Gemini season is a time for you to get serious and sort out your priorities, AKA Virgo’s two favorite activities. If you’ve been murky on how to proceed in this new COVID-centric reality, the way forward will become crystal clear. All you need to do is make sure you’re sober enough to see it.

Libra

Gemini season is a time of exploration for you, Libra, but given the current situation, we’ll have to get creative with the world “explore.” Can you take a different route on your daily quarantine walk? What free online classes are available that interest you? Hell, it could even be something as simple as hitting up the “international foods” section of your grocery store and trying out some new flavors. You’ve gotta be sick of pizza rolls at this point, right?

Scorpio

Scorpio and Gemini have two of the most controversial reps on the astrology world, so when they get together it’s no wonder things can get a little dramatic. Gemini season is an intensely emotional time for you, Scorpio, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself a little bit on edge. On the bright side, all the freak outs will make great material for the inevitable movie about your life.

Sagittarius

Gemini season is lighting up your relationship sector so like… how’s that going for you? Now is a time for moving forward in all your relationships, whether that means getting serious with someone you care about, or letting go of someone you don’t. Hint, if he’s still in your phone as “Tom – Maybe?” he’s probably not the one.

Capricorn

Gemini season brings a charming, flirty energy to your sad-ass quarantined life, and thank God for it. This week, you can’t help that you’re so popular. Everyone wants you at their Zoom bday, your Instagram AMAs are on fire, and ten people even tuned in to watch you go live! Hello Hollywood? Capricorn has arrived.

Aquarius

Gemini has you feeling glam as f*ck, so now is the time to turn out all of the looks, even the only people who ever see them are in your computer. Now is the perfect time to experiment with your hair, makeup, and style in the comfort of your own home instead of heading out on the town and only realizing the next morning you looked like a whole-ass clown.

Pisces

For Pisces, Gemini season is all about honoring your inner circle, and you know exactly who I mean. The ride or dies. The ones you call from jail. The ones you send texts to your crush to for approval, and who have helped your ass into a cab more times than you can count. In times like these, you’re probably very clear on exactly who is most important to you, so take time this month to show up for them the way they’ve shown up for you.

Images: Giphy

No other way to put this, fam: this week’s astrology is rough. Combine that with literally every other thing that’s going on right now and we’re in for what my mother would call “a week.” This week, aggressive-aggressive Mars clashes with passive-aggressive Pluto, meaning all of us are even more on edge than usual. At least you know now so you’re not confused when your quarantine buddy loses their sh*t on you for breathing too loudly in the common areas.

Aries

Are you at Six Flags, Aries? Because you’re on a roller coaster this week. Also you just ate a whole turkey leg for fun. Quarantine is taking you for a ride this week, and you’ll need to buckle up for a sudden drop in your finances (thanks corona). Don’t worry. Just like Riddler’s Revenge, this will all be over eventually (but the pictures will last a lifetime).

Taurus

Your home office is making you feel more and more like a boss every day, and you’re ready to take charge at work. Considering you’re the only person who remembers to mute themselves during zoom meetings, shouldn’t you be the one leading them? Lean into any opportunities you have to take on a leadership role at work this week and it could grow into greater opportunities once we’re all allowed to be in the same office again.

Gemini

This might be the week you explode, Gemini. A petty argument is coming your way and it will be your job to stay above the fray and not get sucked into other people’s drama. Remember, everyone loves the housewife who just sits back and gets drunk while the others fight during the reunion.

Cancer

Under normal circumstances this would be a week where you have plans with a different friend every night and barely ever come home. But these are not normal circumstances, so you’re going to need to find ways to simulate hitting up the club while also abiding by the CDC’s social distancing guidelines. Set up a Zoom happy hour now and spend the rest of the week looking forward to some semblance of human contact.

Leo

Leos will have hard work staying grounded as quarantine (and early 420 celebration) has you feeling like your head is in the clouds. Unfortunately the world isn’t as canceled as it seems, and you still have to be able to perform basic tasks, so why not download a couple mindfulness exercises now for the next time you look at your clock and realize you’ve been staring at the wall for forty minutes.

Virgo

Quarantine is blurring the lines between work and play for everyone right now, but Virgos especially need to set more boundaries with their free time. Considering your office is your home, and you’re not allowed to leave your home, it can seem like work never ends, but do yourself a favor and turn off Slack notifications at 6pm on the dot. Your boss didn’t need to get in touch with you at 11pm before quarantine, so they probably don’t need to do it now.

Libra

This might be the week you make your quarantine baby, Libra. Your house of seduction is all lit up, meaning you’ll be finding plenty of ways to stay busy with your quarantine boo. For those who are sheltering in place solo and not willing to f*ck their roommates, you’re going to have to resort to humanity’s most ancient art form: nudes.

Scorpio

You’re on an even shorter fuse than usual this week, Scorpio, and you might find yourself lashing out at people for the smallest things. Unfortunately, quarantine is not the time to pop off on your dad for how loudly he watches TV, so please abide by the golden rule. If you don’t have anything nice to say, go live on Instagram.

Sagittarius

Your usually whip-smart intuition is off this week, and it could lead you to make some rash decisions. Before you go stir crazy and accept a dare to lick a subway pole, enlist the help of one of your sane friends (probably the one who f*cked off to her parents’ lake house weeks ago) in any and all decision making going forward. It’s for the best.

Capricorn

Yes, Tax Day was delayed, but that doesn’t mean now isn’t the perfect time to do a deep dive on your finances, Capricorn. There’s no better time than the present to dig into the books and figure out how the f*ck you’re gonna make it through these crazy times without hitting a negative balance on your checking account. And yes, that does mean honestly assessing your late night Korean skincare purchase budget.

Aquarius

Quarantining with family? Thoughts and prayers. Your familial relations will be getting on your last f*cking nerve this week, and it could lead to the type of explosive fight you only see at Thanksgiving. Don’t let pettiness get the best of you or else old wounds could be opened that will be very hard to close. It’s time to let the great “Who Stole My Pink Abercrombie Polo?” of 2003 die for good.

Pisces

The creativity is flowing, even in quarantine, so how will you express it? No better time than the present to take up embroidery, start painting, or just bust open one of the millions of adult coloring books you’ve gotten as secret Santa gifts over the years. Not only will it relieve stress, but it’s something to do with your hands that isn’t scrolling on your phone for ten hours a day.

Images: Zac Ong/Unsplash; Giphy (12)

This week Mars and Pluto meet in Capricorn, meaning things could get even more intense than they already have been. At least you have some warning. On the bright side, Capricorn’s influence is here to help you make those #QuarantineGoals a reality, and not just something you ignore all day and then panic about right as you’re about to go to bed. Progress!

Aries

Your ruler Mars meeting up with Pluto can mean only one thing, Aries: it’s time to get serious about your career. Not saying you have to be one of those “Shakespeare wrote King Lear on quarantine” people but like… you kind of might be one of those people. Even though Shakespeare was a Taurus.

Taurus

Week two of quarantine has you about ready to explode, but no one wants to be the first person at the company to lose their sh*t on Zoom. The social distance has you confusing opinions with facts and in serious danger of popping off at the wrong time. In short, triple check you’ve actually hit the mute button before launching into an expletive-laden rant during your next conference call.

Gemini

You may be socially distant from everyone you know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be emotionally close to a special someone. Get ready to go deep with one of your relationships this week, quarantine be damned. Hope you’re okay with watching yourself cry on FaceTime.

Cancer

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself venting a lot in the group chat this week, Cancer. Your significant other (or your roommate—whoever’s closest right now) is getting on your last f*cking nerve, but now is not the time to let it all air out. There’s plenty of time to fight about that thing they said three years ago when there’s not a government-mandated stay inside policy.

Leo

Keep your guard up, Leo. Someone in your close circle might not have the best intentions, so pay attention to your intuition. If someone sees like they might be shady, they probably are. And no, you do not have to donate to your cousin’s GoFundMe to recoup the money she lost on her Parisian bachelorette.

Virgo

Dating in the time of corona has you getting creative with your flirting this week, Virgo! Just because we’re social distancing doesn’t mean there’s no room for romance. Feel free reignite a texting (or sexting—no judgment) relationship with a former flame, or swipe through the apps looking for some NSA flirtation. Remember, Shakespeare sent some of his best nudes in quarantine.

Libra

It’s time to turn your home into your castle because you’re gonna be there for a while. Now is the time to rethink your domestic setup. Is it conducive to your new work from home lifestyle? Feel free to get creative with your home office floor plan this week. You can always change it back once you’re allowed to have guests again.

Scorpio

This week is all about what’s not being said. The time is ripe for a passive aggressive roommate situation. Your task is to address it in a way that won’t totally ruin your lives for the next eight weeks. So yeah, a Post-It note on the fridge is probably not the best move. Especially since you’re never more than five feet away.

Sagittarius

You’re locked in a house with all your food, yet you can’t stop spending money. What gives, Sagittarius? Time to tighten up that budget. The new clothes can wait until there are actually people around to see them. And no, that new $100 serum will not do anything to fix the pandemic. Stick to the CeraVe.

Capricorn

This is a huge week for Capricorn, with both Mars and Pluto in your sign. So what are you gonna do about it? Time to pursue your dreams and passions with abandon. Take advantage of the extra hours indoors to really commit to yourself and then who knows? You could end up one of those annoying people who actually gets something done during all of this.

Aquarius

Need a little support? Don’t be afraid to ask or to seek it in strange places. People are finding all sorts of ways to come together, so don’t count out zoom parties or group meditations on Instagram. Sure, nothing can replace a good IRL girl’s night cry sesh, but there’s no reason that you can’t find a way to make it work with a little wine and FaceTime.

Pisces

You’ve been quarantining your physical self, but how about your emotional self, Pisces? Your empathic sign can be feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the chaotic energy right now, so don’t be afraid to tap out for a little bit. That means no phone, no computer, just you, your couch, and Tiger King on Netflix. (You’ll thank me for the recommendation later.)

Images: Parker Johnson / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Spring forward, kids. We’re all super excited to lose an hour of sleep and life this weekend, so get ready to embrace the shortest weekend ever. Whether the planets want you to focus on your relationship (see: trying not to complain about his inability to empty the dishwasher), enjoy the outdoors (ugh), or re-examine your career (someone pay me to do nothing), there’s no time like the present for jumping on this sh*t.

Pisces

Commit to taking better care of yourself starting this weekend, Pisces. That could mean letting yourself have the pizza once in awhile, going to that f*cking hot spin class, or just making sure you wash your hair every three days. On Sunday, the moon is highlighting all things romance, so if you’re wifed up, head out for drinks and something sweet, like a brownie sundae at Applebee’s. If you’re single, set aside an hour for swiping through Ship with a glass of wine in hand.

Aries

Time to get creative, Aries. Take one of those wine and painting classes with your girlfriends, or just break into that ceramics class at the art center up the block. Even if your artistic abilities are around the third grade level, just have some f*cking fun. Sunday you may feel pulled between your own creative pursuits and the needs of someone else (like your SO and his inability to meal prep for himself), but it’s okay to try and split time between the two.

Taurus

Be a domestic goddess, Taurus. Spend the weekend doing all the nest sh*t that you normally put off, like Windexing the bathroom mirrors and steam cleaning your kitchen floor. Once that’s all spick and span, have some friends over for a fancy dinner party. Or, like, just order pizza and point out to the delivery guy that you cleaned and require validation.

Gemini

It’s a great time to learn some sh*t, Gemini. Sign up for an online course in anthropology, or, if that’s a total waste of time, try to pick up those Duolingo French lessons again, mon petit cochon. It’s also a great time to get creative with your side hustles, so don’t be afraid to pick back up your Tumblr. I’m sure everyone is stoked to read it again.

Cancer

Look at your finances, Cancer. Maybe avoid checking your 401(k) or stock options, since the Coronavirus has that sh*t on a steady decline. Instead, review your savings and credit cards and make sure you’re saving and not putting yourself in a debt hole. If you’re being responsible, feel free to book a spa appointment for Sunday. You earned it, champ.

Leo

Time to soak up your own awesomeness, Leo. Whether it means getting together with your most positive, complimentary friends, communing with nature, or calling your mom and asking her to remind you how great she thinks you are, this weekend is all about recognizing that you’re, like, really swell. Spend Saturday celebrating with sweatpants and Taco Bell. Sunday is for online shopping and hitting “buy” on that totally frivolous purchase you’ve been putting off.

Virgo

Do nothing, Virgo. Seriously, some weekends are best for staying in, ordering Postmates, perusing celebrity Instas, and not putting on makeup. This is one of those times. After all that r&r on Saturday, it’s totally fine to head out with your SO on Sunday for a much-needed date night. If you’re single, call a sibling and catch up or take your mom out to dinner. She loves to hang out with you.

Libra

Friday and Saturday will be all about socializing, Libra, and you def need it after the week you’ve had. Grab drinks and catch up on gossip with your besties at a new spot in town. You may run into someone interesting, too. Come Sunday, the moon in Virgo will be pushing you to leave everyone on read while you re-calibrate and prepare for the week ahead.

Scorpio

It’s a good time to think about your work-life balance, or lack thereof, Scorpio. Do some sittin’ and thinkin’ about how happy your 9 to 5 actually makes you when you come home on Friday. If all signs point to “not f*cking happy”, spend Saturday finessing your resume and sending it around to some new options. On Sunday, you’ll want to socialize, so meet up with friends and talk through the whole job and career debacle. You may be surprised what they have to say.

Sagittarius

Get out of your comfort zone this weekend, Sagittarius. You don’t have to sign up for skydiving or agree to an orgy with your SO; it can be as simple as forcing yourself to go to that abstract art gallery with your bestie who’s into that sh*t. On Sunday, check your work email early or start on that project you know your boss is going to ask about. Having a leg up will actually help you out this week.

Capricorn

It’s all about connecting on a sexy level this weekend, Capricorn. If you have a partner, spend Friday night getting to know them on a truly intimate level. You don’t have to break out any whips or butt plugs, unless you’re into that—just try to communicate without giggling when it comes to their wants. If you aren’t paired up, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Go on that date or say hi to that weirdo across the bar. It may end up better than you think.

Aquarius

Time for a weekend getaway with your partner or a best friend, Aquarius. Self-care is awesome, but this is a great weekend to put someone else first and try to enjoy the things they enjoy. So, if that means watching college baseball or hiking or pretending to understand the stock market, f*cking suck it up this weekend. Sunday provides a great opportunity to grow your relationship and take it to the next level, so try not to be a d*ck.

Images: Giphy (12)