Ever since I got engaged nine months ago, I’ve noticed a strange trend. I mean besides the constant “It’s raining on my wedding day” nightmares that keep me up at night and the ever-present fear that by the time I’m hitched I’ll have less than $10 in my bank account. I’m talking about the constant messaging telling me I need to start “shredding” or “shedding for the wedding”. Every day I see a new article about pre-wedding juice cleanses and wedding diet plans, and I’ve pretty much had it. The idea that women need to hit a certain weight or look a certain way on their wedding day in order for it to be “the best day ever” is an outdated concept rooted in sexism. Here’s why I’m 100% OVER shedding for the wedding, and why you should be too.
It Feels Like Society’s Beauty Expectations Of Women, On Steroids
Women have been held to unrealistic beauty expectations since the beginning of time, but since getting engaged, I’ve found that this expectation of having the perfect body (whatever that means) is on a whole other level. Whenever my friends got engaged they would all say, “My wedding diet starts now”. They were literally getting engaged one day and counting calories the next. I didn’t quite understand their reaction, but now, I totally get it. I’m constantly inundated with wedding content about workout regiments, foods to avoid and skincare routines (apparently I’m months behind on this). It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re engaged, if you’re a human woman who goes online, you’re no stranger to the expectations society has for us. The only difference is that when you’ve got a ring on your finger, there’s an impending deadline to achieve the aforementioned perfect body, and it’s your wedding date.
It Feels Like A Prerequisite For Getting Married
Look, I understand wanting to look and feel your best on your wedding day, I know I do, but that means different things to different people. You may have a goal weight you’ve been trying to hit and the wedding day is a good motivator, or you may feel perfectly comfortable in your own body and not feel the need to do anything (more power to you). But whatever your situation is, losing weight shouldn’t feel like a prerequisite to getting married. Content about what you should and shouldn’t be eating before your wedding and articles that claim the hardest part of wedding planning is your fitness routine (has this person ever made a seating chart?) might make you question if something’s wrong with you if you’re not dieting or amping up your workout (myself included). If you find yourself thinking like that, try to block out all the social media noise and focus on doing what makes YOU feel like your best self. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe unfollow the #weddingworkout hashtag for a while. Don’t worry, you can still get a marriage license even if you’re not going to bridal boot camp.
Designers Are Becoming More Size-Inclusive
You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to drop weight in order to fit in a wedding dress. Cookie cutter dresses are a thing of the past, and bridal designers today are making wedding dresses for all body types and sizes, not just the stick-thin models who debut them on the runway. Supermodel Ashley Graham recently teamed up with Pronovias to launch her own size-inclusive collection, while Fame and Partners launched a capsule collection for the modern woman with David’s Bridal and new wedding dress company Floravere has gowns up to size 26, ensuring women of all sizes they’ll be able to find something that makes them feel like a million bucks. If you’re worried you’ll have to lose weight to find a gown that fits you, you can kick that fear to the curb, because it’s become much easier in recent years to find the perfect gown, no matter your body type.
Grooms Are Held To Different Standards
After being inundated with ideas of ways to change the way my body looks in time for my wedding, I asked my fiancé if he noticed anything similar. He hadn’t. I can’t say I’m surprised that there’s not this insane pressure on men to look a certain way for their wedding day, but it was disappointing to hear nonetheless. I wanted to see if there was any content out there aimed at the groom’s physical appearance on the wedding day. Come to find out, there is, but it’s scarce. I found a list of things grooms should do leading up to the wedding, and the only appearance-related tip was for them to get a haircut. And on their 12-month checklist? Apparently all they need to do is whiten their teeth. No gyms advertising groom boot camp or weight loss tips for men before they go tux shopping. Sure, not all men care as much about their appearance as Tom Sandoval, but why are only the brides being told they need to shed for the wedding in order to “look our best”? I’m exhausted just thinking about all of the things I’m supposed to be doing to my body to get it “wedding ready”, meanwhile my fiancé’s downing fried chicken and playing video games not worrying about what the f*ck he’ll look like six months from now. Ugh, to be a man.
It’s Time To End The Madness
Look, I’m not saying that dieting and exercising before your wedding day is a negative thing, but I’m tired of reading articles that imply feeling your best on your wedding day means you have to be working out and dieting beforehand. Shouldn’t you feel your best on your wedding day because you’re marrying the love of your life? Or because you’re about to attend the best party of all time? Why is weight loss so intrinsically tied to how we feel about ourselves, and why is that link only reserved for women? Your physical appearance might be a part of your wedding day journey, but it shouldn’t hijack what the day is really all about. So, let’s shatter the notion that those surface-level things are in any way the key to having a happy and joyful wedding day. It’s time to say f*ck it and halt to a stop on our never-ending journey towards unattainable beauty standards. The best way to get “wedding day ready” is to be 100% you.
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Images: Jason Briscoe / Unsplash
Nowadays, it seems like we only hear the bride’s perspective on wedding planning because, let’s be real, in most cases, it’s the bride who is calling the shots. But I’ve also seen my soon-to-be-wifey’s friends write off their future husbands’ opinions due to their immediate lack of interest in color schemes and calligraphy options. The majority of grooms know better than to question their future wives about all things wedding related and will do anything to avoid getting their head bitten off. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have opinions and preferences. Marriage is about compromise, and it’s important to consider how your future husband feels. So, from all the silent grooms out there, here are some common (and important) things they want you to know while you’re planning your wedding.
1. They Don’t Need To Be Reminded On A Daily Basis Of Everything They Have To Do For The Wedding.
Yes, there are a million and one things to do leading up to your wedding day. Yes, your groom is highly aware of this. Trust that he will show up to every appointment or tasting (and if you can’t, you have a bigger problem than just wedding planning). He will also handle picking out tuxes or suits for himself and his groomsmen. Don’t assume the wedding isn’t a priority to him just because he hasn’t made a Pinterest board for it. Cut your future husband some slack—he bought a ring and proposed without your help. He will show up for the important stuff.
2. They Don’t Want To Argue About The Details, Especially The Guest List.
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One of the hardest parts of planning a wedding is coming up with a guest list you both think is fair. Your groom doesn’t want to argue over which guests get a plus-one or who has more family members on the invite list. Don’t give your fiancé the silent treatment when he says hell no to inviting your entire sorority pledge class (think about it this way: the fewer people you invite, the less thank you notes to write).
3. If They Disagree With You, It Doesn’t Mean They Don’t Respect Your Opinion.
Similar to arguing about the guest list, there will be things you don’t see eye-to-eye on. Your groom might take a firm stance on having a band vs. a DJ, and it might not be exactly what you envisioned for your big day. But, like we said in the intro, compromise is key. One of my best friend’s grooms wanted the band to play the Eagles Fight Song during the reception, and this almost gave her a heart attack. She couldn’t even begin to see how this would be a good idea, but agreed to it anyway. It ended up being hilarious and everyone had fun singing along. Point is, it’s impossible to agree on everything, and he still respects the hell out of your taste even when you disagree, so give him the same courtesy.
4. It’s Only One Day And No Matter What Happens, The Rest Of Your Lives Together Will Be Even Better.
it’s cool that if planning a wedding doesn’t kill u then u get to be married
— Taylor Hatmaker (@tayhatmaker) August 29, 2019
The average bride can spend one to two years planning for their wedding day. During that time, it gets hard to remember that it’s only one day and not the rest of their lives/marriages. It’s also one day that will go by very quickly. Your groom needs you to know that this is only a tiny piece of your story together and you will have so many more important and bigger moments to experience in the years to come.
5. They Fell In Love With You Long Before The Wedding Day And Will Still Love You Even If Everything Isn’t “Perfect”.
This goes back to the “it’s only one day” point above. Your groom already thinks the world of you. I mean, hey, he’s even given up his bachelor lifestyle to commit to you. Being with you is way better than playing hours of Fortnite on dual TVs with their roommates. So don’t sweat the small stuff. They will still love you if your florist accidentally uses the wrong color peonies in the bouquet or if your hair and make up team isn’t on schedule (even though they do wish you would spend less time getting ready). Their love for you is bigger than this day!
Images: Alvin Mahmudov / Unsplash, Giphy (3)
I still don’t know why I did this (maybe I’m a good person, or maybe I was seriously duped), but I planned my brother’s entire wedding, and if I learned one thing from it, it’s that I am done planning weddings that aren’t my wedding. And honestly, I’m not even that sure I want to plan my own wedding. One thing I do know for sure is that I want to enjoy planning it, not spend the year leading up to it stress-eating Krispy Kremes and ripping all of my hair out one strand at a time. If you are getting married sooner than I am—like, within the next year or two—and don’t want to have to choose between sleeping at night and having a great wedding, hire yourself a wedding planner and let him/her do everything. To understand why this is the right move, I reached out to Jamie Lipman at absolute. Wedding & Event Planning to learn a little about how this whole process works, and she definitely taught me a thing or two. Because I’m so selfless and want to help all of the brides out there, here are five things your wedding planner wants you to know.
1. Trust Them
This is tough because it’s your wedding and you know what you want, so why would you trust someone else to execute your vision who isn’t you, right? Wrong, control freaks. Your wedding planner’s job is to help you execute your vision, so trust them to do their job! Lipman says, “All great relationships are built on a foundation of trust. The same way you trust your doctor to help heal you; the same way you trust your accountant to tell you how to properly spend and save money. You hired us for a reason, so trust our advice because we are truly experts at what we do.” Obviously, your planner will want you to be involved and give input, but when it comes to the nitty gritty, let
Jesus the planner take the wheel. They knows what they’re doing.
2. Know When To Stay In Your Lane
This goes hand-in-hand with trusting your planners. I mean, look, event planning is difficult because there are so many little details you will not want to deal with. For instance, when I was planning a wedding, the florist called me at 8:07 on a Saturday morning to tell me that the platinum-colored votives I had my eye on were out of stock and wanted to know if I’d be okay with the white gold-colored ones. I mean, white gold and platinum look the exact same, no? Also, at 8:07 on a weekend, I don’t give a f*ck about anything—especially choosing between two identical candle holders. This is the kind of sh*t the planner deals with so that your valuable time can be spent tasting eight different cakes and picking out ugly bridesmaids dresses that they can totally wear again.
Lipman adds, “Allow yourself to be totally taken care of! Not just on your wedding day, but through every step of the planning process. Let us worry about spreadsheets, budgets, orders, negotiations, and all of the other things that can turn this magical time into a stressful, overwhelming experience.” I mean, enough said. You hired your planner for a reason, so remember that when you feel like you want to show up to every vendor meeting and offer your two cents.
3. Planners Like Getting Your Input
I mean, duh, but some brides feel like they’re being annoying/a burden by checking in and offering their opinions, but planners don’t mind! In fact, they like it because without your direction, they have no idea what they’re supposed to do! “We love being a part of one of the most special days in your life. We’re honored that you trust us to hold your day in our hands. We speak a language that you never need to learn and have spent years forming vendor relationships.” Lipman says. And let me just say, thank the good Lord for that, because I don’t know anything about the things like how many bottles of each type of liquor will quench the thirst of 113 people! Like, if I didn’t consult a planner, I would have had 19 bottles of gin, three bottles of whiskey and one of those airplane bottles of tequila. Good thing planners could step in and seamlessly fix my error.
Planners know that brides are an especially anxious breed of human, so they aren’t going to be annoyed if you ask them whether or not a donut wall is cute or overdone (it’s overdone). They are there to offer suggestions and help make decisions so that you don’t have to!
4. Try To Understand The Price Tag
Some people out there are cheap af and will take crazy shortcuts like asking their guests to double as vendors in order to cut costs, but if you aren’t an asshole, you will just accept that weddings cost money. Lipman says, “You pay for experience, expertise, and peace of mind knowing that your most important day is in great hands.” She has a point. You didn’t hire a wedding planner because it sounded like a fun thing to do; you hired a wedding planner for their knowledge and ability to make sure that your wedding looks exactly like your Pinterest board. That costs money, people! When you meet your planner for the first time, establishing a budget should be one of the first things you do so you don’t end up spending your future kids’ college tuition on your wedding.
5. Don’t Try To Negotiate
Wedding planners recommend vendors with whom they have strong relationships, so the price they give you is trustworthy. No one is trying to swindle you, honey. “The vendors we refer treat our clients amazingly well because you are our client, period. We know they will do a great job and give you an incredible value for the money you’re spending. You need to trust that the price we give you is the best price that will ever be available because of our personal relationships.” Preach. Also, negotiating sucks. I once bought a necklace on Etsy and tried to negotiate the price down via the online messaging portal and didn’t sleep for three whole days because it was so stressful and nerve wracking, and by the time I got the necklace, it became a daily reminder of how much I hate negotiating. When it comes to negotiating with your planner, just, like, don’t do it.
Look, if you’ve ever tried to organize a dinner with more than three people, you know that planning sh*t is really hard. When it comes to your wedding, which is the same thing as that dinner we talked about, only plus two hundred more people, just hire a planner and trust that they’ll deliver on their promise to give you the most perfect Instagram wedding there ever was.
Images: Photos by Lanty / Unsplash; Giphy (5); Unsplash
Marriage. It’s kind of a big deal. Sure, shows like Married at First Sight or literally everything about The Bachelor franchise might have us collectively thinking otherwise, but it’s important to remember that marriage does in fact stand for something. It means that against all odds, you love one person so much that you’re willing to get the government involved. It’s insane.
Considering the massive amount of responsibility an undertaking like this requires, you would think that most people would sit down and have a few sensible conversations about it before diving in. Operative part of that statement being “you would think,” because many people don’t actually do it. “That’s where Catherine E. Aponte Psy.D, Clinical Psychologist and author of A Marriage of Equals, comes in. She sent us a handy guide to some of the very important things you should discuss with the love of your life before your throw a $40,000 party for all your friends and family. In other words, the conversations you should have before marriage.
So if you’re on the road to getting married, or are just a well-adjusted person who likes to read about emotionally mature behavior, check out the 10 conversations you should have before marriage, below.
Why Do You Want To Get Married?
Bit of a no-brainer right? Dr. Aponte disagrees. “This may seem like an unnecessary conversation to have, but there can be a disconnect between how people think about marriage and how they act once they are in it.”
You’re hoping the answer is somewhere along the lines “because I love you and can’t imagine my life without out you” and not “your health insurance is pretty dope,” but you’ll never know if you don’t ask! That’s because, according to the book The New “I Do”, there are different kinds of marriage constructs floating around out there. “You can have a starter marriage, a companionship marriage, a parenting marriage, a safety marriage, etc. So, take the time with your intended to explore your reasons and motives for marrying.”
You hear that, guys? Ask your fiancé why they want to spend the rest of their life with you. When they accuse you of being paranoid, tell them Dr. Aponte sent you.
What Do You As Individuals Want In The Future (One, Five, And Ten Years From Now)?
Nothing screams romance like a 10-year plan, am I right? Jokes aside, this is a big one. “What you want in life is important and stands on its own.” Preach, Dr. Aponte!! You have plans, honey. Don’t let a man, no matter how much you love him, deter you from that plan. Sure, there may be (read: absolutely will be) compromise involved, but gaining a partner doesn’t automatically equate to losing a dream.
How Will You Remain A Strong Couple As You Seek To Flourish As Individuals?
Honestly, this question should be asked on all first dates. Mood killer? Sure. But not as much of a turn-off as absolute codependence. According to Dr. Aponte, “Being a couple means that what you do has an impact on your partner. Being true to yourself means you can identify what is important to you in order to flourish.”
You hear that? Both can exist while the other survives. You can be your own person, while still caring about another one. It’s a not-that-crazy concept that far too many couples ignore, but it i possible. How? Compromise. “Maintaining the balance between each of you seeking what is important individually while considering the impact on your partner is achieved by negotiating collaboratively around your individual goals and marital obligations.”
Being Accountable To Each Other Means Being Self-Reflective
Often times, conflict resolution comes from within. Yeah, I learned that in my seventh grade conflict resolution course, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Dr. Aponte says, “Being self-reflective is the fundamental skill you will need to address conflict in your marriage. It is this quality that allows you to be accountable for your part in conflicts.”
You know how sometimes a fight about that single dirty plate in the sink spirals into a screaming match about not wanting to spend so much time with someone else’s mother? That’s a good moment for self-reflection. Maybe this isn’t about the plate. Maybe this is about you. And maybe it’s time for you to sit down and figure out why.
According to Jennifer Porter in the Harvard Business Journal, “Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning.”
So take a second to breathe, sit down, and take a moment to think about why you’re reacting to this very mundane situation in this very unnecessary way. Also, go to therapy. When in doubt, go to therapy.
Being proactive in negotiating your sexual relationship:
Pay attention, ladies! Much like every other part of your relationship, sex is a constantly evolving facet that requires time and attention. In short: don’t settle for bad dick just because he’s a good guy.
Here’s what Dr. Aponte has to say: “You will want to be proactive in creating a satisfying sexual relationship. Remember, you are hoping to be together for a long time—we are all living longer these days. A discussion about sex requires considerable self-reflection.”
Damn modern medicine condemning us to a lifetime of dissatisfaction! You heard the woman—start these habits early or else be doomed to 80 years of sexual frustration.
What About Fidelity?
Here’s hoping you have the same opinion on this one, because it seems like a dealbreaker otherwise. Dr. Aponte proposes that you should be faithful to your partner not because you’re expected to be, but because you actually want to be. A novel thought.
She says, “The conventional idea about marital fidelity is that it is agreed upon once you take your marriage vows. We have enough data on infidelity to suggest we need a different approach, one that understands fidelity based on conviction, not convention. This means fidelity is a choice you are making together—it is a negotiated choice.”
This should be less of a conversation about “so can I f*ck other people?” and more along the lines of “so you want to f*ck other people? Maybe we shouldn’t be GETTING MARRIED.” These subtle distinctions are vital to a happy, manslaughter-free marriage.
Having And Raising Children
Nothing, and I truly mean NOTHING, is more cringey than when a couple knowingly stays together despite knowing that they fundamentally disagree on the premise of having kids. It’s unfair to both parties, because you can’t assume that the other will change their stance on this highly important issue just because you want them to.
Per Dr. Aponte, “Today, having children is an intentional action. This means you must plan how you will work together to be effective parents, maintain gender equity, and sustain your relationship.”
The key word there? Intentional. This is not the dark ages. You don’t need to have a son to ensure your lasting bloodline. Don’t bring kids into the world unless both of you want them. I didn’t have to go to medical school to tell you that one.
Finances Are Difficult To Talk About
Preach, Dr. Aponte, preach. But sometimes the most important discussions are the ones that truly make us want to die. “It is important to have ongoing conversations about your financial well-being as a couple. Your initial discussion should help you establish a plan for managing your finances as you begin your marriage but don’t stop there. Regularly discuss finances, particularly as it relates to your important individual and marital goals.”
Nothing tears people apart faster than financial strain. Don’t let it get to that point.
Health And Wellness
Dr. Aponte: “You may not think about maintaining your individual health and wellness as part of a commitment to each other and to your marriage. It is.” Sure, you’re both adults who should be able to take care of yourselves, but also maybe don’t let your partner eat Taco Bell more than two days in a row. Autonomy is cool and all, but so is not dying of cardiac arrest at 32.
And finally, to bring the mood down, Dr. Aponte says, “Besides being about love, friendship, and connection, marriage is also a legal union.” Yes, we get it, you love each other. That’s all fine and good, but now the government is involved, so maybe take some time to discuss that.
Just a few of the many things Dr. Aponte recommends you consider: How will debt accrued in the marriage be handled? Are there individual premarital assets? If circumstances change, how will you divide marital assets?
In the (once) wise words of Kanye West, “If you ain’t no punk holla, “We want prenup! We want prenup!” It’s 2019. Don’t be dumb. Sign the prenup.
Images: Charlie Foster / Unsplash; Giphy (4)
Now that spring has finally sprung, that means wedding season is officially underway! For those of you who are still too
college young to understand what wedding season is, I’d advise just ditching all of your friends now and getting out while you still can. Trust me, it’s better this way! For those of you who do know all about wedding season, then you know this is the time of year when you must forgo all of your free time, vacation days, and any savings you may have managed to build up in favor of lavishly celebrating a couple whose great love story started with the groom sending the bride a “u up?” text 6-8 months after drunkenly hooking up with her at a bar. See what I mean about getting out while you still can, kids?
Now, don’t get me wrong—wedding season can sometimes be fun (there’s always the open bar), but as someone who has never attended a wedding and/or wedding season event with a date, trust me when I say that this godforsaken season can be pretty treacherous to navigate at times. Luckily for you betches, I’ve developed a “Stop, Drop, and Roll” safety method but for, like, attending anything wedding themed as a single AF person. Since I’m more of a show not tell type of person, I’m going to throw a few scenarios at you and give some tips as to how to handle said scenario. These tips might go against basic wedding etiquette, but let me tell you they are absolutely essential when you’re out there in survival mode. You’re welcome.
Scenario #1: Someone Asks If You’re Dating Anyone
Survival Tip: Be more vague than a Poosh article.
I recently attended a friend’s engagement party and was asked no less than 15 times by various people at said party if I was “dating anyone.” And before you ask, no, apparently bringing up the guy who ghosted you in the winter of 2016 doesn’t count as “dating” anymore. I’ve never felt more personally victimized tbh. This is always a fun scenario because in theory asking about someone’s love life should be a harmless but fun question. In theory. But that theory goes completely out the window when the question is posed at an event where everyone is paired up like Noah’s freaking Ark and you’re the last sad muskrat on earth. Like, do these people think you would just show up to an event dateless if you had any other alternative?? Like I haven’t been out here propositioning the guy who asks for my spare change outside of Starbucks every morning for this very occasion?? Sighs. That said, if someone does dares ask you this question just know that the key to getting out of that conversation alive (and with your dignity still intact) is to be vague AF. Like, vaguer than Kourtney Kardashian’s instructions on what she does to get ready for a big night out. Say something along the lines of “I’ve been playing the field, just keeping my options for now!” and then run like hell for the booze. Works every time.
Scenario #2: Someone Tries To Give You Dating Advice
Survival Tip: Smile, nod, and haul ass to the open bar.
I’m going to bring up this engagement party again because it’s still fresh in my mind. I didn’t follow my own advice at one point in the evening and made the mistake of mentioning to the bride’s older relative that I wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment. She then proceeded to tell me that the reason I can’t find a boyfriend is because my Claddagh ring is facing the wrong way! As if a ring, which I bought purely because I saw Buffy Summers wearing one so I wanted to wear one, has the power to make men stop ghosting me. I didn’t have the heart to tell the old biddie that the general energy I put out into the world is somewhere between “burn it all down” and “break up with your boyfriend ‘cause I’m bored”, and it probably has nothing to do with the way I wear a ring on my finger. But, if it’s not Aunt Edna trying to give you dating advice, then it will certainly be someone else so you should prepare yourself for this scenario. My advice is to smile, nod, and then haul ass to some corner of the party where you should proceed to chug whatever drink is in your hand. Being proselytized to is always more fun when you’re drunk!
Scenario: #3: The Bride Tries To Set You Up
Survival Tip: Be mature about it. Hide in the bathroom.
I’m going to warn you right now, whether it’s at the engagement party or the actual wedding, the bride will try and set you up with the only other single person in attendance. This didn’t used to happen in my early twenties when more of my friends were single, but now that we’re all pushing 30 *shudders* and I’m the last one in my friend group to stay single, it happens A LOT more. And before you say “oh, but that’s so great of your friend to hook you up like that!” let me just tell you that they aren’t setting me up with a guy who I might be compatible with. No, they’re setting me up with any dude who has a pulse and a bare ring finger. As if we’re the only two pandas at the zoo and everyone is waiting for us to mate. There’s two ways to handle a scenario like this. One, you can lean tf into it and give the guy a chance (or, at the very least, a drunken makeout sesh). Or two, you can hide. The second method is my personal favorite because it combines two of my strengths: avoiding confrontation at all costs and drinking alone in bathrooms. The second part is optional, but highly encouraged.
Scenario #4: You Make Out With The Bride’s Younger Brother
Survival Tip: Deny, deny, deny
Speaking of drunken makeouts, what are weddings if you don’t dishonor your family name at least once by hooking up with a relative of the bride or groom in plain sight of the entire wedding party? As a single person at a wedding, it’s kind of your duty!! I’ve been introduced as the “blackout friend” at a wedding season event before, and you know what? You can’t be offended if it’s true. There’s definitely been times where I’ve made out with people at weddings and had zero memory of said makeout until the next morning when the savage animals I call my best friends reminded me in between dry heaves and wishing I was dead. They’re so sweet. The key here is to deny, deny, deny. Even if your friends present you with photographic evidence of said makeout (seriously, why am I friends with these people?) never stop denying it happened. You don’t know her. End of story.
So there you have it. Your survival guide for being single AF during wedding season. For those of you who are about to embark on this journey, stay safe out there, but more importantly—and I cannot stress this enough—stay drunk! Xo.
Images: Giphy (4)
It is a universally-acknowledged truth that there is nothing more attractive in this world than a man in a well-fitted suit. Unless, of course, we’re talking about a man in a well-fitted tux. Tragically, unless you’re the kind of person who frequents red carpets, the only time you’re really going to experience a man in a good tuxedo is at a wedding. And the only time you’re going to be able to influence the decisions about that tux is at your own wedding.
Wedding planning is horrifying enough without the additional stress of having to make sure your fiancé doesn’t show up in some sad, dusty rental from David’s Bridal. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. With help from the experts at Indochino, we’ve broken down a Tuxedo 101 for all the men in your wedding party. Just send them this article, and then go right back to trying to decide which mini-whimsical dessert you’ll be serving at your reception. We’ll take it from here.
First and foremost, my guys, a suit and a tux are not the same. Not. The. Same. Different occasions. Different cuts. Very different outcomes of your bride’s mood if you show up to your black-tie wedding in a charcoal suit.
To get specific here, typically there’s a satin lapel on the jacket of a tux, and there are buttons and piping on the pants. Tuxes have an inherent air of formality that suits typically lack, either because they’re made of higher-quality and more luxurious materials, or because you wear them less often. While tailoring is important on all fronts, tailored tuxes are especially important because otherwise, you’re going to look like a 16-year-old at prom in a bad rental. Remember how fun that night was? Exactly.
While we’re on the topic, stop renting tuxes. Let’s move past the general hygiene of it all and get down to the point that matters: you’re an adult. It’s time to buckle down and commit to owning one nice thing. Women have to own approximately 100 nice things to function in society on a daily basis. You can handle one. Plus, owning a tux allows you the freedom of all-out customization, and the assurance that it’s actually going to fit right.
That’s right! Customization! Who said this had to be boring? Tuxedos can be customized to your heart’s desire. Lapels? There are five different kinds. Literally, who knew? You can choose between Notch, Notch Slim, Peak, Wide Peak, and Shawl—but an insider tip, Peak and Shawl seem to be the most popular. Lapel fabric can also be changed out if you’re feeling especially adventurous, keeping the season in mind, of course.
When it comes to buttons, you’re probably safe with two. Double-breasted is a look that few can pull off, so if you’re going to move in that direction, do so with the utmost confidence. Are you Michael B. Jordan? Go wild. Are you not Michael B. Jordan? Maybe tread carefully.
A tuxedo is typically limited to one vent, the slit up the back of the jacket that allows for mobility, but if you have an ass that won’t quit, or have been known to bust a move on the dance floor, you may want to explore two.
Now let’s talk monogramming—it’s not just for sorority girls. Many grooms will get a cute message/date/quote/whatever customized on the inside of their tuxedo jacket to commemorate the big day. There a lot of pros here: it’s cute as hell, makes for a good photo, your bride will lose it over the minimal effort you’ve exerted here, and you can still wear the suit for future occasions because the monogram is hidden. Or just come out of left field and get the lyrics to “Old Town Road” monogrammed across the back of your coat. Idk. I’m not your wedding planner. (Don’t do that.)
It’s important to think all these options through before heading in for your first fitting. Going in blind will be overwhelming and likely waste everyone’s time, so be sure to at least have an idea of what you might want. But don’t stress—this should be a fun and memorable process!
Recognize early on that this will not be a quick journey, and plan accordingly. The actual showroom process will be at least an hour. The suit ships in two weeks, but you’ll want to get it at least six weeks out to allow for alterations. Yes, there will be alterations. I’m sure you’re reading this and going, “Well I’ll only wear it once, so what’s the point?”, so let me just take a minute to explain to you that you’re wrong.
You will not wear it once. I can promise you this. Because, one day, you will turn 28, and without even asking permission, every single one of your friends will get engaged. Every single one of your girlfriend’s friends will get engaged. It will be as if they all sat down together and plotted ways to absolutely bankrupt you over the course of one season. Against all odds, you will be the only not-engaged person in your city. You will spend inhumane amounts of money on gifts, engagement parties, flights, bachelor parties, and the excessive amount of alcohol all those things require. When that day comes, you will be very happy that the one thing you don’t have to spend money on is a tuxedo.
Trust me on this one.
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