Pete Buttigieg officially announced his 2020 presidential campaign on Sunday, which makes him the – what is it, 69th? – person to do so. You probably know this strapping young cherub as Mayor Pete, and if so, you’re probably also aware of his hot husband Chasten and their two adorable rescue dogs. These are important facts in a 2020 race, but it’s time to get to business and figure out who is Mayor Pete is, what he stands for, and whether or not he will be getting your vote. Shall we?
I just announced I’m running for president of the United States. Join in and donate if you can. It’s going to be an amazing ride and I can’t wait to be on it with you all the way to the White House: https://t.co/edZnUvfc2I pic.twitter.com/OTi0YsAG5R
— Pete Buttigieg (@PeteButtigieg) April 14, 2019
Who is He?
Pete Buttigieg is not a boy, not yet a president. But he is a mayor, of South Bend, Indiana to be exact. He became Mayor Pete at the age of 29, so he’s one of those people who accomplished a lot at a young age, which is a) rude and b) really f*cking impressive. He was re-elected with 80 % of the vote in his second term, which is v impressive, especially as an openly gay man in Indiana, AKA Mike Pence’s stomping grounds. Our boy Pete also has extensive military experience. In fact, if elected he would have more military experience than any other president since George H. W. Bush. Pete served as a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy and took a seven month leave of absence to go to Afghanistan during his time as Mayor. He also graduated from Harvard. What, like it’s hard?
What are the Pros?
Mayor Pete is hella charming. He’s been described as the white, gay version of Obama. Which like, okay…I’m listening. Much like Obama, he’s an incredible speaker, and his inspiring speeches invoke hope and determination. He’s young enough that he isn’t out of touch with the younger generation and has seen firsthand the issues we have been handed, aka climate change, gun violence, and a dwindling economy. But he’s also old enough to not be brushed aside by older voters (proof: my dad likes him). Mayor Pete stands for a progressive America that wants to move forward with change, rather than move backwards with hate. He cares about racial justice, affordable healthcare, and the environment. In short, he’s an inspirational leader with a contagious vision.
Also – and we cannot stress this enough – he has two adorable rescue dogs named Truman and Buddy.
What are the Cons?
Although Mayor Pete has been getting a lot of buzz, he’s still considered a bit of an underdog. He doesn’t have much political experience beyond his terms as mayor, although those have been very successful. Also, I won’t lie…hearing him be compared to Obama does worry me a bit. Look, I love and miss Obama, but it’s no longer 2008 or 2012. Not to be a b*tch, but we might need more than inspirational speeches and a man who has big hopes for an America that can work together. Pete needs to prove he has things to bring to the table that will make real change in 2020 America and beyond.
Where Can You Learn More?
Wanna keep crushin’ on Mayor Pete? No prob. You can visit his website to learn more and donate to his campaign if you so please. You can also follow him on Twitter, his tweets are pretty fire tbh.
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America! Land of the free. Home of the “did our president say the n-word???” ICYMI Omarosa has been dropping some fire mixtapes of conversations she secretly recorded while working in the White House, some of them with President Pee Tape himself. Damn, Trump does not have a good relaysh with tapes. In the latest tape Trump aides can be heard discussing another alleged tape in which Trump is recorded saying the n-word. You know what they say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all, and then you won’t be secretly recorded while spewing racial slurs.
Anyway, Trump is obv denying that this n-word tape exists, and claiming he has never used that word in his life. As someone who has watched an unhealthy amount of Law & Order, I have taken it upon myself to do some investigating and find the truth. It’s important to note that I am not actually a detective, and this is not a real investigation. But also I have literally never been wrong in my life, so…
On the One Hand: Trump is Racist
This is the man who has referred to Haiti and African nations as “sh*thole countries,” refused to condemn white supremacy, called Mexican immigrants “rapists,” and created the Muslim ban. All signs point to this guy saying the n-word at Thanksgiving dinner.
On the Other Hand: Omarosa Is Trying to Sell Her Book
Look, I don’t want to say Omarosa is a messy b*tch who lives for drama, because that feels adjacent to Trump trying to discredit her by labeling her as “wacky,” but also, she is an ex-reality TV star who has made a living off of starting drama. She’s not “dramatic” because she’s a woman, she’s dramatic because she’s a trained professional. All of these tapes were expertly released as a teaser to her new book, Unhinged. She heightened the stakes at every turn, dropping more and more scandalous tapes. Honestly, j’adore a well structured scandal. This could be a strategy for her to rake in sales for the book. But, lest we forget, she could be doing this and the n-word tape could still be real. Why not both?
In Both My Hands: There Is Literally A Tape
As previously mentioned, there is a tape in which Trump aides can be heard talking about how Trump said the n-word. In this tape obtained by CBS News, Omarosa and two other White House staffers – Katrina Pierson and Lynne Patton – discuss how to handle the potential release of a recording of Trump saying that heinous word during an internal phone call in 2016. The actual tape of the phone call would be the main evidence here, but this one is pretty damn damning as well.
But…Trump Says He Didn’t Do It
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk, we all know that doesn’t mean sh*t.
Sarah Sanders “Can’t Guarantee” He Didn’t Do It
At a press conference, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she “can’t guarantee” there isn’t a tape. If you’re a white person in a place where your closest associates “can’t guarantee” there isn’t a video of you saying the n-word, you’re in a bad spot.
In Conclusion: He Done It
I spent the past 10 mins all night looking over the evidence, and have come to the conclusion that Trump probs said the n-word. And there’s a tape of it somewhere. The fact this is even up for debate is…sad. We should not have a president that anyone could even fathom using racial slurs.
At the end of the day, this is two former reality TV stars partaking in a drama-battle and this is our government now. Amaze that the state of America is “say what you will about the USA, it’s great television!”
Anyway, here’s actual footage of what I predict the comments section of this article will be:
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First of all, common sense gun laws is such a misleading name. If they’re so common sense then why is it that most people don’t know wtf they are? The NRA has been pouring money into keeping guns around, but after the Parkland shooting they are being dropped like last season’s shoes. So when will the laws change?
America is still way behind on the issue of gun control. Not only does Australia have the sexiest accents, they also don’t have guns. Yup, you read that right, an entire country decided to stop carrying around guns after one mass shooting. Meanwhile, America is like, “lol let’s give the preschool teacher a gun!”
Here are three common sense gun laws you need to know about:
Permit-to-Purchase
PTP for short. You would think that in today’s world everyone would need to be approved to purchase a gun, but currently laws are handled on a state-by-state basis. A national PTP requirement would include handguns sold through private parties and gun shows, closing major loopholes in the current system. In order to acquire a permit you would have to pass a background check, apply for the permit in person at a local law enforcement office, have your fingerprints taken, and submit a photograph along with your paperwork. The fact that people don’t have to do all of this is unreal! If you’re opposed to a background check, you probably shouldn’t have a gun.
Denying Guns to Domestic Abusers
DUH. Let’s just think about the tumultuous relationship in I, Tonya and if you think anyone in a constantly violent situation like that should be carrying around guns. The answer is no. Just, no. Also, there has been legislation proposed to deny guns from anyone who has a restraining order against them, because this is common in domestic abuse cases. If you don’t want them near you, you certainly don’t want them to get a gun that can cross that 1000 feet restraining order you have on them. This seems like a no brainer. Yet here we are.
Assault Weapon Ban
Someone please tell me when any civilian has needed an assault weapon to defend themselves or hunt, because this is insane. I am having a hard time understanding why after the Vegas shooting these are still around. Honestly, I’m confused as to why they’ve ever been avail to the general public. The sole purpose of military grade weapons and high volume cartridges are to kill people, in war, not in a school or theater. After Vegas it looked like Congress might pass the Assault Weapons Ban of 2018, but political gridlock seems to have gotten in the way. There doesn’t need to be another mass shooting, and tbh this would seriously help stop one from happening. Excuse me while I go stick needles in my NRA voodoo doll.
After looking at these proposed laws, I’m v confused how they aren’t already in place. Next time your at happy hour, sound like a woke genius and explain these three ways to keep everyone in America safer. Also, be super cool and practice civil engagement by giving your Rep. a ring and telling them you haven’t forgotten about gun laws.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
The time has finally come. At last, I have been assigned to write about the prospects of male birth control. My body is ready. THE MALE BODY IS READY. *queues up “It’s Raining Men”*
Scientists have been working on male birth control for years, and a new study shows that there is a very promising pill in the making. Much like the birth control pill for women, it’s a capsule that you take once a day and it miraculously – or I guess scientifically – makes your reproductive bits an anti-baby zone. The pill is called DMAU, which is v fitting because that sounds like the name of some shitty male DJ who wants you to come check out his set at Club Catastrophe. Anyway, the pill reduces levels of testosterone that are needed to produce sperm. I feel like most men would hear the phrase “reduces levels of testosterone” and immediately start flexing/crying, but the study shows that of the 83 men who tested the pill, none of them endured troubling symptoms. I repeat, no troubling symptoms. The first time I took the pill I gained 30 pounds and couldn’t take a shower without crying, so it looks like as per-fucking-usual, this is going to be easier for men.
Researchers plan to launch a three month clinical study on men taking DMAU. If that goes well, they’ll then test it with couples. The question is: can men be trusted to responsibly take the pill? As soon as I typed out the words “can men be trusted” my visceral reaction was “NOPE.” However, it’s time for men to take responsibility here, and we need to urge them to do so. Everything can’t fall on women. We’re tired. It’s your turn, bros. Also, taking a pill is not hard. You literally just…take it. But then again, I once had to teach my ex how to make scrambled eggs.
As Arthi Thirumalai, an endocrinologist at the University of Washington Medical Center put it,“It’s hard to solve a problem when you essentially exclude half the world’s population from doing anything about it.” Put that on a plaque and hang it on every man’s wall.
This is all very exciting and I look forward to seeing men’s alarms go off in public when it’s time for them to take their birth control. That’s it for now. Wake me up when IUD’s for men are a thing, and Republicans are suddenly pro-reproductive rights.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
Isn’t every frat bro’s worst nightmare graduating and leaving the glory days behind? Well, they’re in luck because they can just run for the House of Representative and spend the night with their legislative brothers. Yes, you heard me right. Congressmen sleeping in their offices, essentially getting free housing and not paying taxes on their place of residence, all while cutting government funding programs, is apparently a thing. It’s a elected official’s fuckboy’s wet dream, really.
WTF Is Going On?
If a building has Greek columns on it, it’s automatically a frat house, right? It seems that somewhere between 50-75 elected officials (mostly men, because duh) have chosen to essentially live at their offices. This means they are receiving all of the bennies, such as free cable, free security, and free utilities during non-office hours. Fyi, it’s potentially a violation of an ethics code that prohibits official resources from being used for personal use, so there’s that. It’s also like, really gross. Like, go stink up your own home with your morning breath, Paul Ryan.
Remind Me Why I Care?
Thirty GDI members from the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) have decided the party is over and wrote a letter to the Dean of Congress, aka the House Ethics Committee. They stated that not only is it unprofessional and unsanitary, but also a misuse of government funds to live for free in the office. The CBC is on a mission to take down frat row and prohibit any lawmaker from using their office as a home too. Some women and Democrats are also partaking in the frat life, but most are also pissed and grossed out by it all. Another reason for this happening is that members are already on probation for certain bros dealing with sexual misconduct accusations. Again with the frat house similarities.
Who Wants To Live In An Office?
Members have been doing this for years and in the past have been praised for how frugal they are for couch surfing. Most members are in DC for less than 150 days a year, so paying $2,000 in rent just seems like throwing away money. In fact, members have been passed over for a pay promotion for seven years in a row now. It’s almost like they aren’t making good enough grades for Greek life to give them more funding. The office life isn’t so bad though. There is a cleaning service, en-suite bathroom, mini fridge, and microwave ready to go, exactly like my freshman year dorm. The idea of laws being made in an environment similar to my dorm life is legit terrifying.
It doesn’t seem like the House Ethics Committee is in a hurry to do anything about this, seeing as it’s been two months since they received the letter of complaint. Looks like Greek life is on for lawmakers at the White House. Rush Congress 2018! It’s not four years, it’s for life until Trump fires you.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but then again that is literally my job. As it turns out, Facebook has bigger problems than being the social media platform where your racist ex from high school posts his engagement album with pics of him and his betrothed at a horse barn. According to a story from The New York Times, Trump consultants hired a British firm to harvest private data from Facebook users to help shape their campaign strategies. So basically, Facebook and Cambridge Analytica low-key harvested your data, and that date was used to benefit the Trump campaign. It’s a long story, so I’ll sum it up for you here, and I’ll try to keep the “blah, blah, blah I’m a virgin who works in tech” jargon to a minimum and the shady, hot goss to a maximum. You’re welcome.
WTF Happened?
Girl, where do I even begin? I guess I’ll start with the guy with a striking resemblance to aged gorgonzola cheese: Steve Bannon. Back in 2014, Bannon was working as the political adviser to a Republican donor named Robert Mercer. Mercer invested a casual $15 million in a company called Cambridge Analytica in exchange for the tools to obtain information about American voters through their social media profiles. According to former employees, Cambridge Analytica obtained this information from Facebook users without their consent. Apparently the company had a knack for being like, supes edging and not giving a F about the rules. Aka they are shady as hell. The New York Times viewed some of the data that the firm had obtained, and verified that it included details on users’ identities, friend networks and “likes.” Presumably, this information was used to help shape Trump’s campaign. Exploitation of private information, much? Not to mention the fact that the company was mostly run by non-American citizens, and having foreign influence on a political campaign is illegal. I believe the official term for this kind of activity is “shady-ass-MF-shit.”
How TF Did This Happen?
Facebook is in some hot water now because they weren’t smart enough to realize they were handing over a bunch of private information to a guy who was going to use it for purposed involving miles and miles of shade. Cambridge Analytica was sneaky, I’ll give them that. They paid to have the information obtained from Facebook by an outside source, who, according to Facebook, claimed to be using the information for research purposes only. This guy, Aleksander Krogan, had a deal with Cambridge Analytica that he could use the information he got for his own personal research, he just had to hand over the information to them as well. Very reassuring that the tight security over at Facebook allows someone to call them up and be like, “Yo, just doing some research, can I have all of your files plz?” And then Facebook is just like, “Lol sure. Xoxo.”
Should You Be Freaking TF Out?
I mean, in this day in age, probably, yes, always. It’s definitely terrifying that our information can be leaked and handed over to people looking to take advantage of it that easily. Facebook has claimed that once they realized WTF was going on, they contacted Cambridge Analytica and had them delete all of the obtained information immediately. But whether or not that actually happened is up for debate. The good news is our boi Robert S. Mueller III, has requested the emails of Cambridge Analytica employees who worked for the Trump team, and since he is Robert Mueller III, it is the law that those people must hand that shit over. So if illegal, shady shit was done, these bitches are about to be exposed. Who knows, maybe this could be what we need to bring Trump down. And maybe my racist ex and his horse girl fiancee will get divorced. Maybe we really can have it all.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
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Another week, another episode of The Sup Live Podcast. Give it a listen and digest the news the right way: with lots of shit talking.
This week Alise and Sami riff about the week’s events including Frances McDormand’s stolen Oscar, billboards disparaging The Bachelor’s Arie, and the shocking illiteracy of NASA scientists toward the female body. Needless to say, the chaotic (and rapidly emptying) White House and Stormy Daniels are also highlighted. It’s a great episode fit for International Women’s Day, and bookended by a great interview with Beauty & Fashion Features Editor at Bustle, Amanda Richards. She and Sami talk about feminism, body positivity, and debate Khloé Kardashian’s Revenge Body.
Don’t forget to tune into The Sup Live every Thursday at 1:30pm on Facebook and Insta Story. Or just listen to the podcast here. Cry about the news with us!
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
I have some good news and some good news. The good news is that Barack and Michelle Obama might be getting their own Netflix show. The other good news is that Trump and Melania are not getting their own Netflix show. Everybody wins, except for Trump and Melania, which means the Obamas win, which means we all win. It all comes full circle.
The couple of the millennium are apparently in “advanced negotiations” with Netflix to produce their own series. Netflix and the Obamas have a lot in common. They’re both iconic, they both have been our main sources of joy in the past decade, and not having either of them around can cause severe depression. So when you combine the Obamas and Netflix, the outcome is sure to be nothing short of pure perfection. The possibilities are endless here. It could be a reality show with zero drama because they are a legit perfect couple, and I would still gladly watch. It could be a talk show where they just talk to each other and I would be like, “yup, mhmm, sign me up.” It could literally be live footage of them staring lovingly into each other’s eyes for an hour and I would watch it every night before bed and sob.
According to The New York Times, the series will not be any of the great pitches I just listed above. The format of the episodes is still undecided, but the idea is to give the former president “a global platform after his departure from the White House.” People who are involved in the development of the series have hinted that it may be a series of inspirational stories, highlighted by Barack and Michelle. Like I said, you had me at Barack and Michelle. Whatever it is, I’m in.
More deets about the show are sure to be coming soon, so stay tuned. Cherish this good news while you can, betches. Trump is sure to catch wind of it and will probably, definitely have something offensive to say about it on Twitter. Can’t wait.
Heads up, you need to keep up with the news. It’s not cute anymore. That’s why we’ve created a 5x weekly newsletter called The ‘Sup that will explain all the news of the week in a hilarious af way. Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying. Sign up for The ‘Sup now!
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