11 Pregnant Halloween Costumes To Get The Most Outta Your Bump

ICYMI, growing a human being is a pretty big deal. Not only does a whole bunch of weird stuff happen to your body when pregnant, but people also say generally absurd things to you. Like, if you thought getting unsolicited wedding advice was bad, wait until you get unsolicited pregnancy advice. *shudders* On the plus side, being pregnant also comes with some fun perks like never having to carry anything heavy and—if you timed things right—wearing some of the most epic Halloween pregnancy costumes ever. 

Now, obviously, you shouldn’t try to get pregnant just so you can finally dress up like Juno. But! If you happen to be sporting a bowling ball bump come October, you’re in luck. First of all, the weather is considerably less miserable so you won’t be sweating quite as much as if you were hella pregnant in like, June. Secondly, you get the chance to lean into costumes that either aren’t feasible or simply aren’t as iconic without a baby constantly pressing on your bladder. 

So instead of trying to hide your bump or worse, staying home this Halloween, think of this as a unique opportunity to really blow your fans (yes fans) away. From upgraded costume classics to the best pregnant pop culture characters, these pregnancy Halloween costume ideas will make you want to be knocked up every year.*

A Handmaid From The Handmaid’s Tale


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Truly one of the best things about being pregnant in the fall is that you get to dress up like a character from the most f*cked up dystopian society ever. With the newest season of The Handmaid’s Tale streaming now, there’s never been a better time to don your blood-red robe and let everyone know that, while you’re excited about the bump under your gown, you still think everyone deserves the right to choose. Also, you get to stay “praise be,” “under his eye,” and “blessed be the fruit” a lot, which can really cut down on small talk if you’re not feeling the covno. 

June From Juno 


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Not sure if you remember, but there was truly nothing scarier than seeing Juno in theaters while making out with your boyfriend circa 2007. Now that you’ve beaten teen pregnancy, though, dressing up as the titular character is a nostalgic nod to your childhood (not to mention a little bless up to the birth control that had your back for so long). Show off the result of that one crazy night (or months of trying to conceive) with a striped shirt, skirt over leggings, and a giant slushy to ease the heartburn. 

Mother Earth 


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Looking for an excuse to whip out all your makeup and talk about global conservation? Same. Since you’re about to become a mother anyway, dress up like the most notable one in the world. The best part is that this costume is super easy to DIY, so you don’t have to run around getting a million different pieces in between appointments with your OB-GYN and Target runs for bigger pants. Simply throw on a white skirt and crop top (or get creative with a sheet), grab that flower crown you have left over from one of a zillion bachelorette parties, and paint your belly like a globe. And if anyone tries to touch your belly-globe, just tell them you’re trying not to pollute your growth environment. 

Wilson From Cast Away


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Tom Hanks and his trusty sidekick Wilson are the definition of ride or die (except, spoiler, Wilson dies at sea while ol’ Tommy rides on, distraught), which makes them the perfect couple’s Halloween costume. When you’re pregnant, though, the costume gets even better thanks to the literal ball-sized lump in the middle of your body. Paint that belly like a volleyball, throw on a headdress made of hay, and ask your partner not to shower for a few days to really capture the essence of what this look is all about. 

A Fortune Teller


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The future called and it says you can expect a lot of weird comments from relatives about your pregnancy! Are you going to breastfeed? You’re having a natural birth, right? Will you be sleep training? Lean into the fact that your destiny includes shutting down unwanted baby and body questions/comments by dressing up as a fortune teller with ~gypsy~ makeup and an unnecessary amount of necklaces. Don’t forget to paint your bump like a crystal ball so the next time someone asks you a dumb question, you simply can rub your belly and say something like: “My orb doesn’t answer to queries undeserving of a reply.” Not today, Susan!

Phoebe Buffay From Friends


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If you’re dealing with the whole “I’m pregnant while all my friends are blissfully free from swollen ankles and itchy nipples” thing, bring back that famous wedding dress moment from Friends. You know the one. Go to a thrift store for gowns (trust me, you’ll find some real gems), and be sure to take the iconic couch pic for the ‘gram. Pals not into the idea (and they said friends will always be there for you—smh)? You can still rock Phoebe’s pregnant bridal look solo, just make sure to caress your stomach a lot and hum “Smelly Cat” on a loop. 

Ursula From The Little Mermaid


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You can likely thank all your alluring *body language* for that positive pregnancy test, so show off your curvy new figure by dressing as one of the most sexual Disney villains ever. I mean, come on. Ursula was all about the form-fitting gowns and bright red lips, plus she turned herself into a total hottie just to screw Ariel over. We love an evil beauty. Wiggle into a black maxi, get a short white wig, and dust off those contouring skills to remind everyone who the poor unfortunate souls really are… basically anyone who says something along the lines of: “You’re about to pop.”

Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory


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Got this strange feeling that you’re blowing up like a blueberry? Use this as your excuse to eat allllll the Wonka Bars this Halloween. Violet Beauregarde, while a little rough around the edges, was a hard worker who just wanted what she deserved, and after all you’ve been through to grow that baby, you deserve mad respect (re: Instagram likes) as well. Paint yourself purple (I mean, violet), smack your gum loudly, and shut anyone down who says that maybe you don’t need another piece of candy. Sorry, Charlie, winners don’t listen to losers not creating life inside of them.

A Mummy


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Love puns and costumes you can easily DIY? A mummy-to-be is cute, simple, and can still be sexy. Plus, the look makes it very clear that while you’re a sacred vessel, you can also turn into a monster at any minor inconvenience. It’s nice to set clear expectations for everyone. Outfit-wise, you can make this as elaborate or lowkey as you’d like, but at a base level, put on a white mini dress or bodysuit, wrap some gauze all around you, and groan a lot whenever someone tries to give you yet another parenting tip. 

A Disco Ball


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Between bell bottoms and the revival of the center part, retro styles are clearly back. And if you want a costume that hides your bump in plain sight, taking it back to the ‘70s will make you feel a little more glam and a little less “I’m so bloated.” Essentially, you’ll dress up as a disco ball (gray dress, gray wig, silver sequin fabric on the bump) while your partner throws on their best vintage look (think: afro, corduroy, and ample amounts of chest hair). Together, you’ve got a costume contest-winning combo, all while giving the illusion that your bulging bump is merely a fun dance party accessory and not an actual baby that keeps you up at night with its kicks. 

Regina George

If you’re on that all-carb pregnancy diet, whip out those stretchy pants and dress up as the queen bee herself. A red tank top, Regina’s signature “R” necklace, and hoop earrings (because yes, they’re her thing) are all you need in addition to your most forgiving track pants and an undeniable air of superiority. Sure, all those other costumes are cute. But you know that putting in even the smallest effort for Halloween is a major ask right now. Between leg cramps, constant gas, and people touching your belly without asking, now’s not the time to expect a lot from you. It’s okay—you can’t help that sweatpants are all that fit you. 

*Kidding, obviously. Halloween is much better with alcohol.

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The 9 Best “Trying to Conceive” Products That *Actually* Work

Deciding to have kids is one of the biggest decisions someone can make outside of like, getting bangs. And while sex ed made it seem like you’ll get pregnant the first time you have sex, that’s not exactly how it goes for most couples.

For some, conception can be a short road and for others, it can be a longer journey,” says Banafsheh Kashani, M.D., a double board-certified OB/GYN and reproductive endocrinology/infertility specialist. And if you’re not a part of the “we got magically pregnant the first time we didn’t use birth control” club, trying to conceive (or “TTC” as the fertility community calls it) can be extremely time-consuming and stressful. That, my friends, is where fertility trackers come in. 

Why do you need trackers? Glad you asked. You see, there’s a decent chance it’ll be a little before you conjure up a positive pregnancy test. According to board-certified OB/GYN, Shieva Ghofrany, M.D., taking up to 12 months for healthy couples under the age of 35 to get pregnant is completely normal. “Couples should not get worried or feel that they *have* to see a fertility doctor unless it brings them peace of mind,” she says. “If you’re 35+, try for up to six months before seeking help.”

Fertility trackers come into the picture because they help pinpoint when you’re ovulating so you have the best shot of getting pregnant each month. This can shorten the length of time you’re trying because you’re literally making sure all the odds are in your favor.

But before throwing the best suggestions your way, we’ve enlisted the experts to answer a couple of the most pressing TTC questions so you don’t have to spend endless hours in pregnancy forums, attempting to decipher answers from people who can’t spell!

When, Exactly, Can Someone Get Pregnant?

Okay, so first things first, Dr. Kashani says you can, in theory, get pregnant at any time during your menstrual cycle, even during or just after your period. This is because sperm can live up to five days (maybe even more) after having sex, and depending on when you ovulate that month, well, you do the math. 

That said, most people ovulate (the process where a mature egg travels down the fallopian tube to, potentially, be fertilized) sometime between 12 and 16 days after their period starts. While you might think you should just have sex on the day of ovulation, that’s actually not your best bet for putting a bun in the oven. Instead, Dr. Shieva says you want to time sex to happen during your fertile window to give your egg the best shot of meeting a little spermy. This window—which spans the five days leading up to ovulation, ovulation day, and the day after—is when you can actually conceive. 

So How Can I Tell When I’m Ovulating?

With all of the importance being placed on the mythical ovulation date, figuring out when that happens is sort of key here. Physically, Dr. Kashani says you might feel period-like symptoms along the lines of cramps, breast tenderness, bloating, and headaches when you ovulate. Dr. Shieva also adds that your discharge might get a little tackier in the days leading up to ovulation and on the day of. 

Truthfully, though, it’s sometimes hard to figure out WTF your body is saying. Is the headache because you’re ovulating or because you haven’t had any water for the last three hours? Are your boobs sore or is that just what it feels like to have boobs? To take some of the guesswork out of things, people use—you guessed it—fertility trackers and ovulation tools to better determine when their egg is making its monthly escape. 

The 9 Best “Trying to Conceive” Products On the Market

If you’re trying to get pregnant, ovulation trackers and fertility products are, hands down, the best beginning tools out there. While these aren’t a fix-all, they will give you the best shot each month to either a) get you knocked up or b) give your doctor more information as to the next best steps to take.

And as someone who personally struggled to conceive after a miscarriage, I tried just about every device, supplement, and test imaginable before getting pregnant again. Ranging from wearable trackers to daily cookies that boost your system, here are the best TTC products that’ll give you a little bit of control during an extremely vulnerable time. 

Best Fertility Thermometer: Daysy

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Easy to use and totally non-invasive, special oral thermometers designed to track your basal body temperature are one of the simplest ways to accurately detect your fertile window. “Your temperature rises by approximately 1/2 a degree to 1 degree just after ovulation,” explains Dr. Kashani. “This occurs after the oocyte (egg) is released from the ovary, and as the ovary starts producing a hormone called progesterone.”

Technically, the Daysy thermometer can be used as contraception or for TTC, which means you can get multiple uses out of the device depending on where you’re at in life. Basically, you take your temperature the second you wake up—like before getting out of bed—and it tells you whether you’re fertile, possibly fertile, or not fertile that day. Daysy pairs with a (free!) app that charts your data, making it easy to see patterns in your cycle. It was this chart, in fact, that made me (rightfully) suspect I was pregnant again because instead of dropping on the day I should have gotten my period, my temperate remained elevated. Cool, right?

Best Wearable Fertility Tracker: Ava

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price as of time of posting

If you don’t think you’ll remember to take your temperature at the same time every day, or you want even more science involved to doubly make sure you’re ovulating, Ava is for you. This celebrity-beloved, FDA-cleared tracker analyzes five different data points to decipher your fertile window, ovulation day, and when your period will start. It can also confirm whether or not you’re actually ovulating (some people have anovulatory cycles where no egg is released), which is important info you can take with you to the doctor. 

It’s also the easiest to use since Ava looks like any other fitness tracker. You literally just put it on your wrist at night, go to sleep, and take it off in the morning. It monitors things like your temperature, your heart rate (which elevates during ovulation), and your breathing rate, and puts all the info on an easy-to-understand—and well-explained—graph in the app. This device also had me rightfully suspecting I was pregnant since it kept pushing out my “expected” period date. 

Best Fertility Testing Kit: Modern Fertility

As previously mentioned, it can take up to a year for healthy couples under the age of 35 to conceive. That said, after a few months, you might be getting restless and start googling fertility clinics near you. Instead of spending all that time and money before you even know if it’s necessary, try a home fertility testing kit—like this one from Modern Fertility—first.

These work similarly to tests you’d get done in a lab, but they’re way cheaper and more convenient. This one involves collecting a blood sample at home (like, a few drops) and sending it off to check for the most important hormones involved in fertility. After a few days (which is way faster than tests from a standard clinic), you get your results and the option to talk to a specialist to go over them. Depending on what your report shows, Dr. Kashani says this can give your doctor insight on whether to move forward with other tests, take some proactive measures, and/or prescribe medications like progesterone supplements to help you sustain a pregnancy. 

Best Ovulation Testing Kit: [email protected] Ovulation Test Strips

LH stips—which measure the levels of luteinizing hormone (LH) in your pee—are one of the best, most cost-effective tracking tools out there. Essentially, 24 hours before you ovulate, there’s a sudden surge of LH in your system, Dr. Shieva explains. “When you see the LH strips detect the elevation of LH, you want to have sex so the sperm is waiting for the egg.”

This pack was suggested to me when I was TTC, and it’s great because it comes with a whopping 50 test trips and 20 pregnancy tests. Since you want to start testing a few days after your period (because you might ovulate on a different day each month), you don’t feel like you’re wasting every last cent if you blow through a dozen or so sticks per cycle. You just want to make sure to track at the same time daily (or twice daily) to ensure you don’t miss your window!

Best Fertility Lube: Preseed

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price as of time of posting

One little fact that you likely didn’t know is that using lube and TTC doesn’t exactly mix. “Lubricants that have ingredients like petroleum, propylene glycol, glycerin, parabens, silicone, and Nonoxynol-9 that can affect sperm motility,” explains Dr. Kashani. That doesn’t mean you can’t use *any* lube (which is good, because lube makes sex so much better). You just have to be particular about what you reach for. 

The good news is that there are lubes specifically designed to help couples conceive by supporting sperm quality and mobility. Both Dr. Shieva and Dr. Kashani recommend Pre-Seed, and it gets my stamp of approval as well. I got pregnant the first month I used this stuff. Whether that was a coincidence or not, we’ll never know. But since sex without lube isn’t for me, Pre-Seed was a game changer in more ways than one. 

Best Fertility Tracking App: Ovia

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If you want a place to keep track of all your testing information—like LH results and basal body temps—you’ll likely want to use a fertility tracking app. Ovia uses an algorithm to predict your period and fertile window, plus it tells you when to take a pregnancy test (so you don’t waste a million when you’re actually too early to test but can’t help yourself). It promotes helpful articles and tips depending on where you’re at in your cycle, and it helps you track symptoms to decipher between PMS and a potential pregnancy.

What I really loved about the app, though, is that it’s completely free to use so you won’t hit any annoying paywalls. And if you have insurance with a major provider, it can unlock additional features like coaches and specialists who can answer all your questions and send you personalized resources. 

Best Prenatal Vitamin: Nature Made Prenatal Multi + DHA

The best time to start taking a prenatal vitamin is in the months prior to trying to get pregnant. This is because your body needs time to soak up those nutrients and get ready for all that growing it’ll do with a baby. 

While there are a zillion options out there, Nature Made Prenatal Multi + DHA is a standard favorite. You can find it in almost any store, it’s easy to take, and it’s got pretty much everything you need from folate to omega-3 to B12. The best part is you only have to take one soft pill a day (others require up to 8!) so even if you hate taking medicine, choking it down before bed is simple enough. 

Best Fertility Support Snacks: Agni

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price as of time of posting

For me, trying to get pregnant was an endless cycle of hope, sadness, frustration, and exhaustion. So when I came across a snack pack that was made to “support the building blocks of fertility,” I got two on the spot. The Agni Fertility Box contains treats made from ingredients that promote hormone balance, restful sleep, and digestion, all essential to fertility and ovulation. 

Also, hi, the snacks are good. The box came with chocolate cookies I had to fight my husband over and a refreshing tea that actually calmed me TF down whenever I’d see another pregnancy post on Instagram. Unless you eat everything at once (which *is* possible), the box lasts a cycle which makes it easy to time for reorder…which I guarantee you’ll want to do.

Best Pregnancy Tests: First Response Comfort Check Pregnancy Test

The only thing that seems to happen most when TCC—more than sex and more than hate stalking everyone with a bump—is pregnancy tests. Even when you know it’s too early, even when you feel your period coming, it’s impossible to ignore the little voice in your head that says “maybe this month.” That’s how we all end up taking a zillion tests before getting a single positive. 

For this reason, Dr. Kashani suggests First Response’s Comfort Check Test Kit because it comes with eight tests per pack which should last you at least two if not three cycles, depending on how much self-control you have. First Response is also more sensitive than some of the cheaper HG strips, so you’ll find out earlier when you do conceive. Praise be.

Ultimately, trying to get pregnant is a rollercoaster for many couples. If you experience infertility, know you’re not alone. By using the tools at your disposal and being an advocate for your own reproductive health, you’ll be closer than ever to posting the sonogram picture of your dreams. 

Featured image courtesy of Ava Women.

Everything I Wish I’d Known About Breastfeeding Before My Daughter was Born

Like most pregnant women, I was peppered with questions for nine long months. Would I breastfeed? How did I feel about natural birth? Would I consider co-sleeping? Would I do the “cry it out” method of sleep training? Was I planning to start giving her solid food at four months, or would I wait until six?

My answer to all of the above was “I don’t know,” and looking back, I think not putting too much planning into what that first year would look like was a good move for me from a mental health perspective. I didn’t know how I would feel, and I didn’t want to plan for something only to have it not work out and feel like I’d messed something up. 

So I went into breastfeeding with the mentality that if it was natural for both of us, we’d do it. If it wasn’t, I was open to formula. I was lucky: My daughter Emma latched on easily, and my milk came in within a few days. Breastfeeding was a breeze!

… Except it wasn’t. I won’t get into too many details, but it was painful. Every time Emma latched on, I would wince in pain. You’re supposed to feed the baby every two to three hours in those early weeks, which meant I was in a constant state of dread. I started pumping so I didn’t have to feed her as much, and I cried a lot. 

It all worked out: My daughter is now a year old, and we’re still at it. But I wish I’d had a little more guidance around breastfeeding in those early days, so here’s a guide to help make your breastfeeding journey just a tad easier than mine was. 

Have The Phone Number Of A Lactation Consultant Before Your Baby Is Born

If you plan to make breastfeeding a game-time decision like I did, have the number of a lactation consultant should you need it. I did a virtual visit that was covered by my insurance (and these were in pre-COVID times!) and it made a world of difference.

In just 45 minutes, the lactation consultant informed me that Emma had a shallow latch, which was what was causing all the pain, and gave me advice for teaching her how to open her mouth wider. She showed me how to position her so my shoulders and back didn’t ache, and gave me advice on how long to feed her each time to ensure she was getting enough milk. I cannot recommend this more. 

Stock Up On Gear


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I literally fantasize about what I would do now if someone were to say SHIT about me breastfeeding 😍 Maybe I make a scene? Maybe I unleash a biblical hellfire verbal assault? There’s no many options! Would I stand up, never disrupting my little angel’s meal, and approach them? I only need one arm to nurse and if I have my sling on? Shittttt both arms are free to square up. You’re telling me you wouldn’t back down if a mom went from lovingly feeding her baby in her arms to tightening her sling so she could bitch slap you TWICE without ever unlatching?! Ain’t no way. So I patiently await the day I witness a nursing mother getting slack. I will do that weird anime floating pose shit and fly on over with the light of a thousand suns. HADOU-CUNT ☄️

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Although it has a ridiculous name, the My Brest Friend pillow acted as the perfect little shelf for Emma when she was tiny and helped get her in the right position. I was even able to prop my laptop on there and get a little work done in those early days when she tended to fall asleep while breastfeeding!

While this was by far the most helpful product for me, Ashley Georgakopoulos, IBCLC, and Lactation Director, Motif Medical recommends a few others as well. 

“Cotton, reusable breast pads are always on my list,” she says. “These are great to include as gifts for baby showers, as moms sometimes leak colostrum before the birth, and will almost always leak afterward. The second must-have for any lactating mom would be a good nipple balm. Something that melts nicely into the skin to protect the skin barrier from frequent pumping and nursing sessions, but also with an antifungal property to protect from inflammation and thrush.”

And while you’ll probably have an electric pump covered by your insurance, Georgakopoulos recommends a hand pump as well. “Hand pumps are a smart investment. They can help relieve clogs, and fit into the diaper bag or purse in case an unexpected expression is needed.”

I personally loved the Haakaa hand pump, which is great for catching extra milk. 

Breastfeeding Might Be Uncomfortable, But It Shouldn’t Be Mind-Numbingly Painful.

While wincing in pain every time your baby latches on doesn’t mean you won’t figure it out eventually, it isn’t normal. “Pain, as in wincing and visible damage happening-type pain, is not something that just goes away or improves without help,” says Georgakopoulos. “Lactation professionals, preferably an IBCLC credential, will be crucial in navigating that, along with helping achieve optimal comfort with positioning. Rocks in the shoe happen. What’s not normal is leaving the rock in the shoe.”

Your Baby Will Need To Breastfeed A Lot. I Mean, A lot.


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You mean nursing doesn’t come with a manual?

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Feeding the baby every two or three hours doesn’t sound too bad, and it isn’t—but the reality is that they often need to eat even more than that at the very beginning. My daughter would go through growth spurts where all she wanted to do was nurse, and I had to just go with the flow. 

“When we hear or read things like, ‘infants feed every 2-3 hours,’ we tend to want to schedule things out to that, not realizing that it’s an average, and certainly doesn’t account for cluster feedings that normally occur,” Georgakopoulos says.

The most important thing to keep in mind on your breastfeeding journey? It will all be okay. I’ll never forget the most helpful thing my lactation consultant said when I met with her, and it had nothing to do with breastfeeding positioning or latching advice: “A year from now, you’ll be celebrating her first birthday and this will all just be a distant memory.”

She was right. And as hard as breastfeeding was at the beginning, I’m so glad I stuck with it—because it ended up being just fine.

Images: Dave Clubb / Unsplash; betchesmoms, nottheworstmom / Instagram

5 Things To Think About Before Having A Baby

The time has finally come. Whether you’ve always dreamed about having a family or you’re finally entertaining the idea because you’re fairly sure you want kids and can’t put it off any longer your biological clock is ticking, you’re seriously considering getting pregnant. On purpose. As beautiful as that is, the idea can be overwhelming. How do you even begin to prepare? Before you start tracking your ovulation cycle and lifting your legs in the air after sex, here are some things you should consider.

1. Your Financial State

It’s no secret that having a baby is expensive AF. Even if you’re not living in a major city where daycare costs the same as an additional rent payment, paying to clothe, feed, and care for an additional human being adds up quickly. How will this impact your current lifestyle? Will you have to move, and is that something you’re willing to do? Not only do you need to consider your income (and that of your partner, if you have one), but also your spending habits. If you spend most weeks subsisting on ramen because you blew through your paycheck or you consider withdrawing cash from the ATM your own personal version of Russian roulette, then it may be time to reassess whether you’re really ready to support another person.

2. Your Emotional Maturity

Right up there with the financial piece is whether or not you’re emotionally ready to have a child. Although we all know that having a baby changes your life dramatically, it’s important to think concretely about the ways it will change your life specifically. For example, if you, like me, are someone who likes to sleep in past 10am late on the weekends, you’re going to have to make peace with the fact that bringing a new life into this world is likely to give a whole new meaning to the word “exhaustion”. Similarly, if you’re used to going out every weekend, you’ll need to think seriously about whether you’re willing to have your social life take a back seat to bottle feedings and diaper changes. Having a baby is the ultimate act of selflessness, and it’s important to be confident that you’re in a place where you’re ready to be a little less selfish.

3. Your Support System

They don’t say “it takes a village to raise a child” for nothing. While many superwomen (and supermen) can and do raise children on their own, it’s incredibly difficult. Assuming you have a partner, it’s important to discuss upfront your expectations as far as the division of labor goes and make sure you’re on the same page. If you’re expecting to share feeding and changing responsibilities pretty equally and your significant other expects to only do, like, 10% of the work, dump that significant other it’s best to work out those kinks before the baby comes. If you’re thinking of raising a baby on your own, are there friends or relatives you can lean on when needed? The more support you have in place, the smoother the rough patches will be.

4. Your Health & Wellness

We all know that having a baby can wreak havoc on your body. But besides coming to terms with the weight gain, fluctuations in hormones, and other common bodily changes that come with performing The Miracle of Life, you should also make sure you’re prepared from a health and wellness perspective. This may mean talking to your doctor about any necessary dietary or lifestyle changes, the medicines you’re currently taking and the skin care products you use, as certain adjustments may be necessary when pregnant. If you’re concerned about passing on a certain genetic disorder to your baby, you may also want to consider pre-genetic testing for yourself, and if needed, your partner, so you have all of the information needed to make the decision that’s right for you.

5. Your Parenting Style

Cool mom

Will you be a regular mom or a cool mom? All kidding aside, now is a good time to start thinking about how you would like to raise your child, especially if you’re sharing the responsibilities with a partner who likely had a very different upbringing than you. Aside from the more obvious subjects like religion, are you and your significant other on the same page about the kinds of values you want to instill in your kid? Will one of you take on the role of disciplinarian, or is that a role that both parties should share? Getting aligned now can save you from conflicts down the road.

While no one is ever 100% ready to have a baby, thinking through some of the things on this list can help you to get in the right mindset and confirm that you’re on the right track. If you’re making these plans with a partner, communication is key. You may not agree on everything, but an open dialogue now will pay dividends later, both for you and your relationship. What else should someone consider before having a baby? Let me know in the comments!

Images: Xavier Mouton Photographie / Unsplash; Giphy (5)

What To Do If Coronavirus Is Messing Up Your Pregnancy Plans
As a married 27-year-old (wait, f*ck. I’m 28), I knew the day would come when I’d eventually want to have children. I’m not an “oh my God, let me hold your baby” kind of gal, but deep down, I low-key felt like I was meant to have kids. If my child-bearing hips aren’t enough to prove that, it’s my sheer love of costumes and drama that would make me perfect for a life of viral family Halloween looks and PTA-induced mom fights.
While I thanked every deity out there that I avoided teen pregnancy and walked down the aisle bump-free, for the past say, six months, I’ve found myself Googling funny pregnancy announcements and searching to see if there’s a gender reveal theme that doesn’t make me feel like a boner. The point is, whether I like it or not, my ovaries are starting to be like “bitch, let’s get that IUD out.” The problem? The entire world is one huge dumpster fire thanks to coronavirus, and I’m starting to feel like my entire life timeline is getting f*cked up. From graduations, proms, weddings, showers, bachelorette parties, and honeymoons, COVID-19 is snatching up memories left and right. While parents and events were one thing, it never occurred to me that this pandemic might change the entire trajectory of my life (and my vagina).

Before getting pregnant, I’ve had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. Thanks to my trusty Mirena securely nestled in my cervix, I’ve had the luxury to accomplish most of the items. I’ve gotten married, I’ve purchased a house, I’ve perfected my hula hooping skills—all “musts” on my list. The only few left? Write a book and travel to France. I know, I’m a blonde white girl from a medium-income household who hasn’t been to Paris? Trust me, I too, and shook. But with my Eurotrip canceled and no set time to reschedule on the horizon (plus a Google Doc titled “Book” that’s been untouched for 2.5 years), it’s making me wonder: Is it even worth waiting to get pregnant?
Now, TBH, I don’t even know if I’m there *yet* (chill out, mom). But let’s just say I’m “there adjacent.” On one hand, I’m like “what the f*ck else am I going to do? Might as well have a whole bunch of sex and pop a newborn out in what specialists predict will be another baby boom in nine months.” On the other hand, is it sensible, and what will I be giving up (and potentially gaining) by choosing to forego my initial pregnancy plan and try now, when the world is uncertain but hopeful? Since I can’t be the only confused millennial out there, I’m breaking down my findings to hopefully help other potential and future parents get a better idea of what the actual f*ck they should do.

If You’re Considering Getting Pregnant

The bad news for women or couples considering getting pregnant during corona? There’s a chance you’ll miss out on some of the classic moments many moms-to-be look forward to. With some states restricting events all the way to the end of the year, things are still unclear as to when group gatherings will be deemed 100% safe. In addition to things like gender reveal parties and baby showers potentially having to be omitted (at least traditional ones as opposed to virtual parties), offices and hospitals are limiting the number of people who can enter, which means your loved ones might miss out on things like doctors appointments, sonograms, and potentially even the birth. As someone who literally THRIVES on attention, that’s a real bummer to me.
Still, specialists are always working on new and improved systems, and Dr. Christian Pettker, chief of obstetrics at Yale New Haven Hospital in Connecticut told TODAY, “These new practices don’t have to ‘negatively’ affect your care, and some developments are even exciting. Many patients are being prescribed at-home blood pressure monitors, which reduce the need for in-person visits.” Plus, if you’re the type of person who processes good or bad news easier alone, you’ll get to have your space from nosey MILs without an awkward convo. The downside? Complications might not be detected as quickly thanks to the lack of in-person visits, which is why it’s up to patients to be completely transparent in virtual appointments, no matter how weird it might feel.
So, should you try to get pregnant now or wait? Dr. Stephanie Gaw, an associate professor of obstetrics at the University of California, San Francisco, told TODAY,  “My advice would be: If you had the luxury of waiting a couple of months until things die down a little bit, (you) might want to do that. But we can’t say definitively that there’s an actual danger to the pregnancy itself.”

If You *Are* Pregnant/Trying To Get Pregnant

First of all: This is exciting, and don’t let anyone or anything make you think differently. While there seems to be endless bad news circling around The Virus That Must Not Be Named, it’s not all doom and gloom for future baby mamas. According to Dr. Kendra Segura from Bravo’s Married To Medicine: Los Angeles, the outbreak of COVID-19 doesn’t mean you need to avoid the hospital and give birth in your tub (but you can, if that’s your style). The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists’ (ACOG) position on home vs. hospital births still sways in the direction of hospital births being generally safer, especially for the baby, even during the pandemic.

Plus, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine, “COVID-19 seems to have less serious health consequences for children than for adults,” and babies aren’t necessarily at a higher risk to contract it. Extra bonus? Dr. Kendra tells Betches that “The virus that causes Covid-19 (SARS-CoV2) has not been found in breast milk or amniotic fluid.  This means that mothers infected with Covid-19 are unlikely to pass the virus onto their baby, while the baby is still in the womb, and that isolated COVID-positive mothers may still be able to nourish their newborns by methods such as pumping.” In addition to COVID-positive moms potentially being able to breastfeed via pump, pregnant women can obtain tests to determine whether or not they’re positive just like everyone else—no special tests are needed.

While it’s a lot to process, there’s no right or wrong answer. As with any decision, you have to weigh the pros and cons. For some, having the hope and happiness of a baby is just what the metaphorical doctor ordered in the ~time of darkness.~ For me, however, I’m still holding out hope to get that France stamp on my passport, then hopefully I can start my family. Whether that means it’ll be a few months or a few years, only time will tell. It the meantime, I’ll be spending my time eating a sh*t-ton of sushi, drinking buckets of booze, and trying to think of a baby name more horrifying than X Æ A-12 Musk.

Images: Anna Pritchard / Unsplash; Giphy (2)

‘Pregnancy Brain’ Is A Real Thing, But Not In The Way You Think

Once you decide to allow a small, borderline parasitic thing to live in your uterus get pregnant, sh*t can get real, really quick. From gaining weight to being on an emotional rollercoaster, pregnancy isn’t for the faint of heart. Sure, the payoff is like, neat. You have a tiny human you can dress up in super cute outfits and they can’t fight you on it (unlike my dog, Grover, who straight-up refuses to wear the sailor outfit I bought him—so rude). But it may be good to recognize that your brain on pregnancy will never be quite the same—and there’s literal science to prove it.

Here are a few of the ways pregnancy will affect your brain, beyond “pregnancy brain”. Yes, there’s a lot more to it than just forgetting stuff, and there are some silver linings to all these changes.

Bye, Gray Matter

It sounds scary, but hear me out. According to a study, a pregnant woman’s gray matter—pieces in the part of her brain that control social interactions, help understand others’ nonverbal cues, and help form attachments to people—decreases. This sounds super terrifying, especially since you’re likely trying to BUILD relationships before you’re chained to a crying infant for three months and can’t figure out how to leave the house (so fun!). But it’s chill. According to Healthline, a lot of the reason this happens is so that our brains can have more “space” to interpret and understand a newborn. So, from knowing what pitch cry means what to truly bonding with your baby, your brain is reassessing the situation and making itself useful for what’s about to happen. Science is neat.

Mommy Brain Isn’t Real; Forgetting Stuff Is

This is a little complicated, so stick with me. Many, many, MANY new moms say “baby brain” is a real thing that begins during pregnancy. They claim that they forget things way more often and just don’t feel as cognitively “sharp” as they did before their bundle of joy joined the household. According to WebMD, my daily source for anxiety, forgetting things when you’re pregnant or have just had a baby is real, but the ongoing thought that your brain actually changes to cause this is not. So, when your gray matter disappears like we stated above, that’s an actual physical change happening in your brain. There’s no such change happening that’s causing you to forget sh*t. Basically, the reason you’re forgetting stuff left and right is because of a surge in hormones and the complete and utter lack of sleep that comes with pregnancy and a newborn. So fun!

‘There is 15 to 40 times more progesterone and estrogen marinating the brain during pregnancy,” Louann Brizendine, MD, director of the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic at the University of California, San Francisco, tells WebMD. “And these hormones affect all kinds of neurons in the brain. By the time the woman delivers, there are huge surges of oxytocin that cause the uterus to contract and the body to produce milk—and they also affect the brain circuits.” Again, it’s real in the sense that you forget things because of hormone surges and lack of sleep, but your brain itself isn’t actually CHANGING physically and causing you to experience memory loss. It’s just all the other sh*t that’s going on that’s making you forget you put your taco in the microwave four hours ago. In a nutshell, bitch, you’re just hormonal and tired. Such is life.

You’ll Become Uber Protective

Like my dog with his prize bone, you, too, will become animalistic in your protective tendencies once your baby is born, thanks to your brain. Surging levels of oxytocin in the few days and weeks after you give birth will push your brain to work overtime to imprint your baby’s smells, sounds, and facial cues into your mind’s eye. Even weirder, according to Shape, 90% of new mothers were able to identify their baby via SMELL ONLY just after giving birth. I mean, if that isn’t evolution and nerd-brain sh*t, I don’t know what is. High levels of cortisol will also make you super protective of your baby, so if any strangers get a little too close, you may find yourself lashing out in protection mode. It’s all part of the rewiring your brain is going through once you give birth, so no matter how weird you find yourself feeling or acting, know that it’s all part of nature.

All in all, pregnancy can be really weird, really amazing, and really scary all at the same time. By better understanding the actual physical changes your body and brain are going through, you may be more easily able to sit back and enjoy the fact that you can eat that extra taco, or that extra pan pizza, because, dammit, you’re going through a lot right now. And thanks to science, we’re getting closer to like, grasping how the brain actually prepares for (and attempts to keep us from going into shock over) that tiny human you’re about to spawn. The more you know.

Images: freestocks.org, Unsplash; Giphy (3)