This year has been nothing short of Earth-shattering, and with good reason. The transits we experienced this year—most notably, Saturn (structure), Pluto (transformation) and Jupiter (expansion) consistently causing contention in Capricorn—were meant to shake us to our very core. Some might say this is uncomfortable. Others might say this is insane. And still, others might say, “give me a f*cking break already.” All of those people are me and my Gemini personalities.
But here’s some good news (cue John Krasinski direct-to-camera look). We’re moving into the Age of Aquarius! Saturn and Jupiter, huge ruling planets for us here on Earth, enter into Aquarius within days of each other this month—making way for their Great Conjunction on the winter solstice, Dec 21st. This massive energy will shift us into the concepts of innovation, connectivity, and welfare for the global community.
TL;DR: 2021 will be nothing short of revolutionary. Read on to see which area of your life will be destined for growth. Make sure to check both your Sun and your Rising signs* for the utmost accuracy.
*Your Sun sign is your fundamental identity. It points to your general personality, approach to life, interests, and how you shine.
*Your Rising sign (or Ascendant) represents how you show up and the direction in which you move through the world. This sign was on the horizon at the time of your birth and therefore sets up your entire chart (which is why accurate birth time is important). It’s arguably a more predictive way to determine what you’ll encounter and how you’ll meet it.
Aries
Your freedom will come from having absolutely zero limitations on how you’re connecting with the world. This could look like having a much larger purpose to influence great change. I sincerely doubt you’ve been waiting to get in the game, but this year will give you agency to take it global. This could look like getting involved through a non-profit or taking up more space on social media to advocate for something you’re passionate about. We’re all waiting to see what you’re going to start (no pressure).
Taurus
If 2020 taught you anything, it’s that you can navigate insecurity. You’ve also learned that life is a two-way street, meaning you don’t have to do everything yourself. Recognize where you’ve gotten through de-stabilizing times with a little help from your friends. Next year gives you a great opportunity to take calculated risks to advance your career. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. We’re all rooting for you.
Gemini
Exploration and communication of the themes that have come to light in the last year will be your goal in 2021. What ultimate truths have you learned? How can you integrate these into your life philosophy? How can you help others understand? The way you communicate these will be uniquely yours, Gemini. Our advice is to make these truths snackable and lighthearted, even if the subject matter is anything but. It’s show and tell time!
Cancer
You’ve certainly had time to be intimate with yourself in 2020. How many sex toys did you buy? Be honest. But in true Cancerian fashion, you likely were more concerned with finding intimacy in a partnership. This year will encourage you to focus on yourself in order to experience true breakthroughs. And no, I’m not just talking about orgasms, but I’m not not talking about orgasms.
Leo
You’ll experience serious potential for love and partnership next year, Leo. If you’re single, make sure you’re intentionally manifesting your “perfect” partner. And simply saying “I’m manifesting a partner” will not cut it. Visualize the feeling of being with someone, take note, and then ask the universe for some help on the delivery. If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll experience power-couple vibes. Hello, Bey and Jay.
Virgo
Personal revolution is happening for Virgos in the house of your rulership (6th house) which means you’re receiving double-down energy. This would be the year to feel completely supported in focusing on your health and routines, getting your edge through the use of technology. Oh, and domestic matters will be your bitch, too. So hey, if you’ve been thinking about buying a Peloton, this is your sign. (No, they didn’t pay me to say that.)
Libra
F*ck the establishment, Libra! 2021 has you feeling all sorts of brave, playful and yes, maybe a little rebellious. Will this shock the people around you, since you of all people like to color inside the lines? Sure. Does that really matter? Not in the least. Give yourself permission to take the spotlight, or at least the ring light, and do what makes you happy.
Scorpio
Mastering family life and maternal instincts will be on your radar next year, Scorpio. This could look like establishing the house rules for everyone in your domain or simply establishing how you’d like your own chosen family to run. Remember that the very nature of family means it’s more of a democracy than a dictatorship, so try your best to be firm, yet accommodating on the issues you could care less about, like where you put the TV. You can’t make every hill the one you’re willing to die on.
Sagittarius
You normally travel the world for inspiration, but this year you’ll be called to learn from your immediate environment, your neighborhood, or simply your closest friends and family. Your new approach will have a well-spring of creative ideas percolating for you all year, and you’ll want to talk to your newfound teachers about them. Take that airplane out of your Instagram bio once and for all, and make an impact in your neighborhood instead, Sagittarius.
Capricorn
Listen closely, because this one is def going to be music to your ears, Capricorn. Next year holds major earning potential for you. (I can literally hear a collective YES!) All the work you’ve put into your craft will certainly pay off next year, so enjoy watching the stacks rise. That said, try bringing something back into the fold that you scrapped this year for lack of time or expertise. You’ll have more resources to revive it this year.
Aquarius
It’s your time, Aquarius. You’re THE most equipped for this new age we’re entering, so don’t be surprised if you feel the intrinsic need to step out and lead this revolution. Everyone is catching up to your line of thinking, but we do actually need you to be constantly innovating and moving the needle forward. Your gut will rarely be wrong—just go with it and don’t second-guess it.
Pisces
Bless my Pisces, always ready to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Next year will have you fully embracing who you are, the magical mystery tour that is life. Walk into the unknown the same way most of us walk into Target: willfully blissful and leaving with so much more than we intended to. (Also, not sponsored.)
Images: Kwangmoozaa / Shutterstock; Giphy (12)
Who says steamy romance is just for the summer? This week, with Venus in fiery Leo and Mars linking up with its celestial partner in Aries, you can expect things to get hot. And don’t think it’s just limited to romance: this powerful trine has the ability to ignite just about every aspect of your life. Just so long as you don’t let all the attention go to your head.
Aries
You’ve never been afraid to speak your mind, Aries, so no need to start now. With Venus and Mars working together, now is the time for you to let someone special know how you really feel. That way you can finally get to the fun part of the relationship (aka them coming over and logging you in on all their parents’ fancy TV channels).
Taurus
Coupled-up bulls might feel the urge to change up the routine this week. Sure, you and your beloved have been spending every waking moment together, but how much of that is real quality time? Plan something nice to do together that’s not walking to the same little park you’ve been walking to every single day.
Gemini
Time to get your flirt on, Gemini! This week Venus and Mars are coming together to tell you to go for it. Send that risky text. Slide into that person’s DMs. And post your thirst traps with abandon. You can always delete the evidence at a later time.
Cancer
This week will bring some major clarity, in a good way, to one of your relationships. If things have seemed murky and you can’t quite remember what it is you like about this person, by the end of the week you should remember exactly what it is. (And yes, it’s okay if the answer is abs.)
Leo
With Venus in your sign and Mars in fellow fire sign Aries, you’re going to be what we in the biz call “a little extra” this week. You’re ordering Postmates with abandon. You’re wearing your most glam looks (even with nowhere to go), and you are absolutely going off in the group chat. Sorry to anyone who can’t handle it.
Virgo
The creative energy is flowing thanks to Venus and Mars this week, so what are you gonna do about it? If you’ve been feeling stuck in an aspect of your life, don’t be surprised if you find a burst of inspiration this week. You’ll be living your Carrie Bradshaw dreams in no time.
Libra
An old flame might try to pop back into your life this week, Libra. Mars in retrograde means that someone from your past could decide to attempt a repeat appearance, should you let them. Will you give in to temptation? Maybe. Will you text every detail to the group chat as it happens? Absolutely.
Scorpio
Cut your partner some slack this week, Scorpio, as Mars may have you itching for a fight. Yes, the way they texted “k” instead of “k!” was objectively rude, but as a wise woman once said, “Kim, there are people who are dying.” Spare yourself the drama.
Sagittarius
Time to put your money where your mouth is when it comes to your relationships, Sagittarius. Have you been being the best partner/friend/child/sibling/coworker you can be? Chances are, there’s someone in your life you’ve been slacking on. Pay them a little extra attention this week before you end up the next entry in their burn book.
Capricorn
This week you may be feeling the urge to get closer to someone in your life, with Venus and Mars pushing you toward close-knit domestic feelings. Just make sure you don’t try to manufacture the closeness with someone who doesn’t deserve to see you at your wifey-est. That’s for VIPs only.
Aquarius
This week has you looking on the bright side of life, Aquarius, no matter what the news and/or your sh*tty ex throws your way. You’re feeling good, and nobody can bring you down. In fact, you’re actually feeling *good* about the future of things. And they said in 2020 it couldn’t be done…
Pisces
A truth you’ve been trying to outrun will finally catch up with you this week, Pisces. Don’t let yourself compromise your core values just to avoid an awkward situation. Momentary awkwardness is better than actually agreeing to do another virtual escape room with your college dorm mates.
Images: Giphy (12)
Awww sh*t, is it almost June? Since living in quarantine, I think it’s become clear to all of us that time is a social construct … as is business attire and corporate casual. I can do just as much work in my sweatpants as I can in my pencil skirt. And I can do just as much work at 7pm with a glass of wine as I can in my cubicle at 9am. Just saying.
There’s no end in sight for social distancing, so we can only hope that the stars and planets have something interesting in store for this, the last weekend in May.
Gemini
This weekend has some temper tantrum bullsh*t on the agenda, Gemini. Basically, the moon and sun are in a hissy fit match and you’re going to end up taking the brunt of the interaction in the way of feeling super confrontational on Saturday and part of Sunday. Try to avoid giant arguments by taking some time for yourself, curling up with a book, or plopping down to watch Outer Banks with a personal pizza. Pro tip: any pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the whole f*cking thing yourself.
Cancer
Channel your angsty feelings into learn-y feelings this weekend, Cancer. The planets are aligning in such a way on Saturday as to make you more anxious than usual, so try taking out that potential aggression via an online knitting class or socially distant book club (idfk—it seems like that could be a thing these days… right?). Use Sunday for catching up with friends on FaceTime so they can see your natural hair color, since you still can’t go to the salon to cover those roots. Sad.
Leo
Neptune and the moon are all, “hey, you should check your bank account,” Leo. When you do, it’ll likely spur you to spend all day Saturday coming up with a detailed budget and checklist about how not to spend obscene amounts of money on takeout when, yes, you do have food in the pantry. After that scare, use Sunday to watch something financially scary, like The Big Short or The Hills.
Virgo
Don’t let stress ruin your weekend, Virgo. After two-ish months in quarantine, you need to release some energy. Go for a jog or power walk with your new fanny pack. Or, better yet, go for a hike and sit out in the middle of nowhere on Saturday with a bottle of wine, a book, and an embarrassing amount of cheese and crackers. You’ll feel fancy, you’ll feel less stressed, and you’ll feel like you’re doing way more than sitting inside mindlessly scrolling through Netflix.
Libra
Saturday is for sleeping in and Sunday is for jumping into sh*t head first, Libra. You’re going to feel the need to pull away from everyone and everything as soon as work is over on Friday, so let that feeling carry into Saturday and, yeah, just keep your sweats on, order a Taco Bell party box, and sink into relaxation and solitude. Sunday you’ll feel refreshed and rejuvenated, so attack some household chores, attempt to get some gardening done, or just stop being a piece of sh*t and do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for three days.
Scorpio
Toot toot! All aboard the friendSHIP, Scorpio. Although we’ve been all about relationships and ourselves the last few weeks, it’s time to finally focus on your tribe. Use Saturday to head to brunch while socially distancing if you feel safe, or, better yet, just have a FaceTime mimosa happy hour. You may find that a few of your besties are not thriving in quarantine and could use a shoulder to cry on (but not literally because #covid).
Sagittarius
How do you feel about your job these days, Sagittarius? If you’re lucky enough to still be employed during this craziness, use Saturday to sit down and weigh out your professional goals. Make a pros and cons list, brainstorm future projects that’ll get your boss to notice you, or just think about how you can ask for a raise without sounding like a complete asshole. On Sunday, be careful about your impulsive side; the planets will be throwing some curve balls and you don’t want to give in and do something stupid… like agree to another Zoom date with a weirdo.
Capricorn
You’re going to be itching to travel this weekend, Capricorn. With many areas lifting restrictions, you can consider a safe sight-seeing weekend drive that doesn’t require much out-of-the-car activity and/or makes use of patio spaces at restaurants and breweries. Journey to the town over or just meander through the closest national park. It’ll help you break out of your house-induced funk while also allowing you to adhere to social distancing guidelines. It’s basically a win-win.
Aquarius
Time to examine how things are split money-wise with you and your S.O., Aquarius. This isn’t an opportunity to fight or have things get ugly; just a chance to review where tf your money is going. If you’re solo, take a quick peek at your accounts and try to start putting some money away for retirement someday. After all that boring sh*t, use Sunday for some romance. If you’re paired up, order takeout from your favorite restaurant and do something fun and funky in the bedroom (whatever happened to those weird KY His & Hers lubes? That could be neat). If you’re solo, pour a glass of wine and peruse the dating apps while FaceTiming your bestie.
Pisces
Get ready for an emotional relationship rollercoaster, Pisces. The Virgo moon on Friday night and Saturday will have you and your S.O. feeling irritable and ready to fight over more than usual. If there are dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, or a snide comment in sight—take f*cking cover. If you’re single, put down the phone and get off of any dating apps—it ain’t gonna be pretty. The good news is that by Sunday, the moon in Libra will highlight partnership and intimacy, so you can put all the arguing aside in favor of some snuggling.
Aries
Get healthy this weekend, Aries. You usually like to take it easy on weekends, but try to approach Saturday and Sunday with the mentality of doing something good for body and mind. Rev up the Vitamix and make a fruit smoothie before going for a bike ride, hike, or walk around the block. Try not to eat a tray of brownies alone. Have a glass of wine WHILE you’re on the treadmill. Baby steps, fam.
Taurus
Paint a picture or write a sad song or do some very basic DIY on Saturday, Taurus. Uranus (lol!) is going to be pushing you to flex your artistic muscles, so don’t be afraid to lean into your creative side. It’d even be a fun idea to call mom and make her watch while you attempt something difficult in the kitchen, like not burning a cake or pretending to understand how bread works.
Images: Giphy (12)
Welcome to April, where we don’t wear anything except loungewear, the sun stings our eyes, and drinking during work meetings has become the norm. What a time to be alive. Is there anyone out there honestly NOT feeling a deep, spiraling depression from this corona-quarantine situation? Does this mean we don’t have to get our summer bodies in order? That’d be a silver lining.
Anyway, the planets are not self-isolating and are demanding you make the best of the upcoming quarantine weekend. Shall we?
Aries
You’re itching to get creative this weekend, Aries, which is hilarious considering our current situation. In an effort to not go stir-crazy, get said creativity on by re-mixing an interesting recipe on Friday night for dinner. If you mess up, you can just order some delicious no-contact takeout. Sunday is all about rest and relaxation which, like, you’ve been doing all week. So I guess just do more of that.
Taurus
You may feel some tension on Friday and Saturday, Taurus. We could chalk it up to the planets being dicks, or we could chalk it up to being quarantined and not allowed human contact for weeks. It’s a toss up. Anyway, by Sunday morning you should be feeling a little more Polly Positive, so get some weird chores done around the house (or just make your bed) and you’ll feel somewhat accomplished.
Gemini
The moon in Leo wants you to learn and communicate this weekend, Gemini. Since human interaction is kind of off the table atm, we recommend an online class of your choosing. Learn about knife skills in the kitchen, how to solve murders, or how to cut your hair just like Joe Exotic. Saturday and Sunday are great for getting outside and keeping six feet between you and all other people while enjoying nature.
Cancer
Take a long, hard look at your material possessions, Cancer. It should be a relatively easy task, since you’ve been staring at and will be staring at the items in your home for at least another month. Get out a box on Saturday and collect all the clothes and shoes you’ve stopped wearing, knickknacks you don’t care about, cooking sets you don’t use, etc. and stow them away for when you’re allowed out of the house to donate again. Then reward yourself with wine and vodka.
Leo
You’re feeling cheerful af, Leo, so you may as well spread it around. Call up your parents, FaceTime your besties, and post some cutesy Instas to spread the positivity without spreading the corona. Saturday night is great for coming back to you, snuggling up with a book, and not watching the news.
Virgo
Step away from the craziness, Virgo. Whether you’ve been home quarantined or deemed essential and are in the workforce, take the weekend to breathe and relax. Don’t watch the news. Make a cake for yourself. Do that project you’ve been putting off. Call your mom. On Sunday, take your solitude outdoors and walk a nature trail before heading home and eating tacos or something comforting.
Libra
Connect with your SO this weekend, Libra, even if working from home with them has driven you up a f*cking wall. The moon in Virgo on Saturday makes you want to sleep in, snuggle, and let everyone around you know how much you appreciate them. These days, when the world feels like a movie, it’s important to pay it forward and make sure others feel as loved as you want to.
Scorpio
Work is really starting to piss you off, Scorpio. If you’re stuck working from home, use Friday night to power down your laptop and hide it so you aren’t at all tempted to check work emails this weekend. The best thing to do Saturday is to refuse to dedicate literally any time (or headspace) to work whatsoever. I promise it’ll be there when you get back on Monday. Use your weekend instead to write a sad haiku about isolation or try to binge watch all of Tiger King if you haven’t already.
Sagittarius
The planets want you to try something completely new and weird this weekend, Sagittarius. We recommend hosting a wine chugging contest from your apartment balcony with your neighbors scattered around. It’ll be a great opportunity to get to know people at a safe distance. On Sunday, you can nurse your hangover by supporting a local restaurant via delivery.
Capricorn
Time to look at your finances, Capricorn. It’s a great time to make sure you have a safety net that isn’t mommy and daddy, since you’re like, an adult now. If you’re laid off thanks to #corona, make sure you’re set up with unemployment and taking count of all your money. Don’t buy stupid sh*t on Saturday no matter how great Madewell’s sales seem. If you have joint accounts with an SO, make sure they’re not spending unnecessary dollars on sh*t like Taco Bell, video games, or J.Crew sweaters. We only need loungewear going forward.
Aquarius
Time for some sexy sex, Aquarius. Friday night you should set the mood with some candles, pizza, and your nice loungewear—not the bathrobe with the coffee stains on it. Saturday should be spent in bed with romcoms and little to no clothing while you do all the weird sh*t you’ve always wanted to with your partner. It isn’t so much about feelings this weekend as it is just getting freaky.
Pisces
Be careful about giving out personal info this weekend, Pisces. We know quarantine is a desperate place to be, but be wary of strangers stealing your info or people taking advantage of these scary times. Limit the online shopping for that reason, and use Friday night to catch up on some true crime docs before jumping headfirst into nature on Saturday a la a walk around your neighborhood.
Images: Maxwell Nelson/Unsplash; Giphy (12)
Happy F*cking Valentine’s Day weekend, fam. This majestic make-pretend holiday is the perfect opportunity for couples everywhere to exchange cards bought hastily in Target on the way home, cook (and burn) elaborate dinners that would send Gordon Ramsay into therapy, and engage in some truly heinous once-a-year-lingerie sex positions.
We do hope your weekend is a bit more engaging than all that, but only the planets and stars can know for sure, obviously.
Aquarius
It may be Valen-weekend, but your heart is in professional sh*t Saturday and Sunday, Aquarius. Whether it’s finishing that project that’s been hanging over your head for months or updating your resume on Indeed so people can offer you a job doing half the work for three times the money, you need to just focus on #work these next few days. On the flip side, if you are around, like, other people, make sure you’re showing big time gratitude—especially Friday and Saturday. It can go a long way to say “thank you” instead of “ew” or “why are you the way you are.”
Pisces
It’ll be a lovefest for you this weekend, Pisces. This weekend you’ll want to lean into your adventurous side while simultaneously doling out love and compliments to people you care about. Friday night should be an opportunity to shower your besties with appreciation and love, so head out and be nice to each other over drinks. Reserve Saturday and Sunday for love with your SO and/or yourself. Both are like, equally important.
Aries
A full moon in Scorpio spells sexy time for you this weekend, Aries. You’ll be feeling super in tune with your significant other all weekend long, so make an event of this made-up holiday and do all the cheesy things. Dinner, wine, weird lingerie from the fancy section of Victoria’s Secret, and flowers that’ll die by next week. If you’re single, use the weekend as an opportunity to pounce on vulnerable mates dying for attention.
Taurus
Romance will be on your mind this weekend, Taurus, and it has more to do with the planets than the sh*tty marketing by Hallmark. If you’re single, stop hiding in your apartment and take a chance on a few dates with totally different people. You may be pleasantly surprised by one on Saturday. Since the stars are lining up just so, you’ll also have a good chance at an adult sleepover. Here’s to ending your dry spell.
Gemini
Love yourself this Valentine’s Day, Gemini. You’ve been super wrapped up in the wants and needs of others the last few weeks and, while that’s super cute and v nice, you need to take care of your own sh*t, too. I mean, when was the last time those feet had a pedi? When was the last time you overpaid for a nice massage? This February 14, light the candles and pour the wine for yourself. If it isn’t too cold, take a walk outside or journal in a park on Saturday. Sunday you need to find your comfiest clothes and sleep for 10-15 hours cause, like, you’ve earned it.
Cancer
You’ve got good vibes going on all weekend, Cancer, so spread the love allllll around. Friday night is a chance to host friends for wine and snuggles—especially friends that may not have a Valentine (SAD). Re-watch The Bachelor and point out all the ways you, too, could personally victimize Peter Weber. Saturday is a chance to do something adventurous with your partner or a potential SO. Get some weird side-by-side massages together, try out hot yoga, or just go to a restaurant with cuisine that scares you.
Leo
Focus on family this weekend, Leo, especially those that may be lonely on Valentine’s Day. Call your grandmother and let her rattle off memories of the good ol’ days. Drop in on your cousin going through a messy divorce. Or just text your mom and let her know you’re grateful she didn’t scar you during your childhood. In your spare time, clean your f*cking apartment. That laundry you’ve been staring at for two weeks is starting to smell funny.
Virgo
It’s all about creativity this weekend, Virgo, so make some Valentines with glitter and dried noodles and put them in people’s mailboxes to scare them. You could also just have a crafting party with your friends on Saturday—complete with glue, glitter, fake rhinestones, and alcohol. You’d be amazed at the amazing poetry you’re capable of two bottles of wine in. If you’re brave enough, you can deliver one of these to your crush. You could also hide it in a shoebox under your bed. You do you.
Libra
Mercury is peer-pressuring you to share your feelings this weekend, Libra, and it’s super approps since it’s Valentine’s Day and all. Use Friday to let your friends know how much you love and appreciate them, then reserve Saturday for your SO. Communicating appreciation is the name of the game, and even though everyone kind of collectively pissed you off this week, it’s a great time to put it aside and focus on the good sh*t.
Scorpio
Sensuality is bubbling to the surface this weekend, Scorpio, and you’re feeling confident as a result. On Friday, head to the front of your yoga class and let everyone bask in the glory of your workout #mood. Your ability to love yourself will trickle into all of your other relationships, and Saturday is a great chance to meet and attract new friends.
Sagittarius
Let your SO feel the love this weekend, Sagittarius. Whether you want to treat them to dinner, take them out for something they want to actually do (probs not shopping the sale section at Anthropologie or going to brunch with your girlfriends), or watch their fav movie (even though it’s Predator and you hate Predator), it’s time to put yourself aside to show your appreciation.
Capricorn
All aboard the friendship, Capricorn. Although Valentine’s weekend is usually reserved for gross couples, the Scorpio Moon is actually pushing you to focus on all the amazing friends in your life. Make time on Friday night for a group dinner either at your place or out somewhere casual (not Olive Garden). Saturday should be spent focused on each other’s company at a brewery or winery where you can relive your glory days and discuss who you all dated and what you were thinking.
Images: Giphy (12)
Welcome to Aquarius season, aka the mini age of Aquarius. This air sign is known for bringing people together, big picture ideas, and general rebellion, so bust out the metal straws, biodegradable bento boxes, and zero-waste grocery bags. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself taking to the streets over whatever cause is important to you, or, at the very least, posting some extremely long Instagram captions about the 2020 election. Basically, Aquarius season makes us all Cher at the end of Clueless donating her ski equipment to the Pismo Beach Disaster Relief Fund. Every little bit counts!
Aries
Aquarius season 2020 will be opening up your sense of what’s possible, Aries, meaning it’s time to upgrade your situation. Still using a phone with a cracked screen? Still holding on to that one random pair of underwear from 2005? It’s time to let it all go. This Aquarius season, you’re leveling the f*ck up in all aspects of your life, and nobody has ever leveled up in old underwear. It’s just a fact.
Taurus
Aquarius season is reinvigorating your drive and ambition, so don’t give up on those 2020 goals just yet. This is a time to work on the big picture and make your plan of attack, so say yes to vision boards, outlines, timelines, and drafts. Get yourself prepared as f*ck, so that when the right moment arrives you can hop on it, knowing that it is step one of your plan to achieve complete world domination by 2021.
Gemini
Aquarius is making you feel like the world is your oyster, and we literally mean the whole world. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself scrolling through travel hashtags this week or trying to convince yourself to open another credit card for the travel miles. If splurging on a last minute trip is available to you, God bless, and I’d love to hang out sometime. If it’s not, try exploring some unknown parts of your own area, like a new bar or one of those fancy movie theaters that serves dinner and lets you get drunk during the movie.
Cancer
Aquarius season is increasing your passion for basically everything, but especially for your romantic relationships. You want romance, you want drama, you want sloppy makeouts in a semi public location. Basically, you want to be on The Bachelor. But since this season is already airing, it’s time to go out and meet some people. Luckily, there’s an app for that. Actually, there’s like 500 apps for that.
Leo
Aquarius is igniting your need to couple up, but not only in romance. Everywhere you go, you’re going to be forming dynamic duos, whether that be by tag-teaming an awesome project at work or by taking on a duet at karaoke night. The Aquarius influence has you wanting to connect with your fellow man, or should I say, your fellow drunk girl at the bar who is contemplating ordering cheese fries.
Virgo
Great news, Virgo! Aquarius is bringing you the energy you need to actually hit your fitness goals. Yes, even the ones you gave up on January 2nd. Because Aquarius is all about doing sh*t in groups, you’ll find yourself way more motivated by group fitness classes than by solo YouTube workouts at home. Sign up for the two-week intro deal at some studios, or better yet, ask a friend if you can tag along on one of her buddy passes and get in for free.
Libra
Aquarius is boosting the f*ck out of your confidence. Why not use it to make a love match with somebody you actually like, and not just somebody who is tall and available on weekends? Your magnetic energy will literally draw people to you, meaning you’ll have more luck meeting potential suitors IRL than on the apps. As an added bonus, you’ll get way less dick pics that way.
Scorpio
Close down the blinds, fire up the crock pot, and put your phone on do not disturb, Scorpio, because Aquarius has you hibernating all f*cking month. The world is deeply jealous. Under Aquarius’ influence, you’ll be feeling the need to connect with your home and domestic life, but that doesn’t mean you have to just sit around doing nothing. Paint a wall, build a shelf, Marie Kondo the f*ck out of your bedroom— anything that will work as a reasonable excuse when your friends ask you to leave the house.
Sagittarius
This Aquarius season, you’re in the mood to go out and do sh*t, despite the fact that its cold and Netflix has like 10 good true crime docs out right now. Whether they be group outings or solo outings, day drinking or night drinking, you need to get the f*ck out of the house and away from the TV. Save the TV shows for when you’re hungover on Sunday.
Capricorn
RIP your season, Capricorn. All good things must come to an end. Did you go a little splurge crazy during your birthday month? If so, you’re in luck because Aquarius is bringing you the financial discipline you need to dig yourself out of whatever credit hole you’ve gotten yourself in. You can probably start by cooling it on the Seamless.
Aquarius
Welcome to your season, Aquarius! Everyone’s acting a bit more like you this month and thank the good Lord for it. This is the month to focus on yourself and your needs, which can be tough for a sign that prefers to focus on literally everything else. For one glorious month, all the other signs are finally able to join you in seeing the big picture, meaning you won’t have to spend so much time explaining sh*t. Enjoy every last minute of it before its Pisces season and you’re back to explaining everything to everyone.
Pisces
Bust out the beret, Pisces! Your already creative sign is getting an extra dose of inspiration this month thanks to Aquarius, meaning you’re going to be your most artsy-fartsy self. Focus on things that feed your creative spirit this month like art projects, writing, dance, or just coming up with new excuses for why you won’t be coming into the office today.
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New year new you—except probably not really. Here’s to all of the New Year’s resolutions that’ll eat sh*t and die this week, such as (but not limited to) going Keto, intermittent fasting, accepting your body for what it actually is, taking up a hobby other than Instagram (stamps, anyone?), quitting your job and becoming an influencer, or cutting your takeout spending in half. Is there any guidance from the stars on what we will and won’t accomplish this weekend?! You know there is, or else I wouldn’t be here. Read your weekend horoscopes below.
Capricorn
Self confidence for liiiiife, Capricorn. Seriously, apparently with 2020 comes some major planetary movement pushing you to love yourself, boosting your self-esteem and making you irresistible to everyone that runs into you. This weekend, the moon in Leo is highlighting intimacy in all of its forms, so Friday and Saturday are great opportunities for a date night with your SO or a new flame.
Aquarius
Get weird with your lover, Aquarius. Or, if you’re actively on the hunt, make plans to connect with someone over drinks with friends or a spur-of-the-moment Tinder swipe on Friday night. Be on the lookout for feeling extra sensitive this weekend, too. Like, it’ll be totally normal for you to burst into tears at the slightest inconvenience. Not that you don’t do that normally, but this weekend you can at least blame the planets for it. Yay!
Pisces
Blame the moon for your self-indulgent feelings this weekend, Pisces. This weekend you’ll want to focus on you, so whether that means not changing out of your pajamas for 72 hours and binge-watching all seven seasons of The Great British Baking Show (Ruby was ROBBED in season 3, you guys) or dropping a grand on manis, pedis, a new hair-do, and a three-hour full body massage—whatever. Do it. By Sunday night, you’ll feel #refreshed and ready to get together with the girls in an attempt to slay the Sunday scaries with alcohol.
Aries
You’re feeling energetic AF this weekend, Aries, which comes as a surprise to the rest of us since January is known as the slowest, saddest, month ever. Tackle some household chores on Saturday (like the vacuuming you’ve been putting off since November, or cleaning out the fridge, which 100% still has condiments from 2013 in the door) then head out for the day on Sunday with friends. Dedicating time both to your own nest and to your need for excitement will have Monday feeling less depressing than usual.
Taurus
Try not to bite anyone’s head off this weekend, Taurus. The stars are making you feel super irritable, so use it as an excuse to cancel plans and stay close to home Saturday and Sunday. Focus on some tidying up of your nest and calling your mom, who wants to know if you’ve met a nice boy yet.
Gemini
Mercury is pushing you to communicate and connect this weekend, Gemini. It’s all sunshine and rainbows, which is a welcome change from the usual January bullsh*t. Meet up for drinks and tapas or something bougie on Friday night, then head out on a day trip with your SO on Saturday to fight over antiques or whatever couples do on a road trip.
Cancer
It’s all about relationships this weekend, Cancer. Be careful to make some time for yourself, too, especially after the workweek on Friday afternoon. Come Saturday and Sunday, you may need to tend to your SO’s needs, esp. if he’s having an existential crisis because of the Jets continued losing streak/ability to suck year after year. Look out for drama Saturday morning, i.e. a fight over which of your roommates ate your leftovers, but come Sunday morning everything should be chill once Sarah admits it was her.
Leo
Get down with health and exercise, Leo. January is always prime time to head to the gym/cycling class/yoga with all the other folks that are totally going to turn it around this year, so jump on the bandwagon. Saturday presents a great opportunity to connect with new people or reconnect with old friends that you thought you hated, so give it a chance and try not to scare people.
Virgo
Get wild, Virgo. The weather may be cold and f*cking miserable, but a night out with your favs on Friday will brighten the dull horror that is winter. When was the last time you played beer pong? Resurrect your useless skills and break out the table. By Saturday, the moon in Leo will have you craving alone time, so put your phone on silent and try reading a book (I don’t remember how, either).
Libra
Time to listen, Libra. Obviously, it’s way more fun to complain to everyone, but this weekend it’s your turn to sit and absorb your friends’ diatribes, ranging from work struggles, to dating issues, to failed diet stories. We know it’s exhausting giving a sh*t about people, but keep in mind it’ll be your turn to bitch and moan again someday soon. You’re, like, a really good person.
Scorpio
Time to expand your horizons, Scorpio. Take a weekend off from being a total psycho and drive out of town on Saturday for some rest and relaxation. Don’t be afraid to go solo, either. Sometimes ignoring literally everyone around you can be v cleansing. Be sure to let your mom know, though—you know how she worries when you don’t answer her texts.
Sagittarius
Try new food, buy some weird art, or try that sexual position that scares you and your partner a little, Sagittarius. This weekend is all about new sh*t, and what better time to say “been there, done that” than January of a new year? Head to a weird artsy movie with a friend on Saturday and make fun of everything and follow it up with a date night on Sunday for early wine and snacks.
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Everyone has a lot of f*cking feelings this week, so we can think of no better time to announce the beginning of winter body season. That’s right: it’s time to bundle the f*ck up, throw those sweats on, and treat yo’self in preparation for all of the big eating holidays to come. Food makes everything better, so whether the planets have you destined to feel extra sexy, followed by some self-loathing this weekend, or are pushing you to fight everyone, just shove a donut in your mouth and try to move on.
Shall we?
Libra
Thanks to Mars in your sign, you’re feeling super f*cking emotional this weekend, Libra. It’ll pass, but taking some time for yourself will definitely help move the feelings along. Don’t be surprised if your boss texts you Saturday about that giant project you’ve been putting off. It’s fine to work a lil extra this weekend; just be sure to give yourself some time away from the emails on Sunday.
Scorpio
You’re sexy and you know it, Scorpio. Srsly, the planets are lining up to make you extra irresistible Friday and Saturday. so make sure you dedicate at least one day this weekend to either getting freaky-weird with your SO or hitting the town with your lady gang. Sunday should be dedicated to all things creative, so it’s finally time to tackle that DIY project of changing out the pulls on your dresser or making up a dessert to eat alone later. Get to it.
Sagittarius
You’re ready to soak up your own awesomeness this weekend, Sagittarius. Fun is def on the table, so whatever you end up doing, you’ll likely have an amazing time. Grab drinks with your besties on Friday, since the planets are pushing you to be social heading into the weekend. Mom or Dad may try to pop in on Saturday, so be nice and let them make you dinner/do your laundry/rearrange your furniture.
Capricorn
Stop f*cking doubting yourself, Capricorn. You’re usually pretty confident, but this weekend has you feeling wishy-washy on, well, everything. Whatever you do, try not to backtrack (see: texting your ex and why you shouldn’t do it 101) and comfort yourself by cuddling with puppies or ordering more food than you need from Postmates.
Aquarius
The planets are pushing you to spend your life savings this weekend, Aquarius. Don’t f*cking listen, because no, it isn’t a good idea to dip into your 401k. Spend time with your favorite people this weekend, but be conservative about your finances. You don’t need to go all out and be the sugar daddy for the group this time.
Pisces
Enjoy some motherf*cking alone time this weekend, Pisces. Take a f*cking break, put on those stained sweats you secretly love, and binge watch some sh*t. Unplug and turn off your phone, too. It’s okay to take a step back from everything between Friday night and Saturday. Sunday, if you’re ready to face the world, treat yourself to a breakfast for one outside the house, then settle in to read a trashy novel.
Aries
Some sh*t’s gonna get real for you this weekend, Aries. So no, not everything is going to go according to plan (Pro tip: stock up on Plan B and vodka). You’ll be more ready to fight than a Jersey housewife this weekend, so try to avoid spirited discussions with those you KNOW you tend to clash with. On Saturday, try to roll with whatever your SO or bestie want to do and take the pressure off yourself. Now’s not the time to be a control freak.
Taurus
Get ready for romance, Taurus. More specifically, get ready for your SO to be all over you or for everyone to try to bring you home this weekend. Don’t get high on power, though, as being picky could actually pay off. We say flirt everyone up on Friday but play hard-to-get by Sunday.
Gemini
Single? GTFO there, Gemini. Tis the perfect fall weekend to find a mate just in time for cuffing season, so believe in yourself, throw some eyeliner on, and get in there. If you’re already paired up, spend some extra time with your SO this weekend doing all the fall sh*t. Saturday is prime for apple picking, so you can hate yourselves afterwards. Remember, if you don’t put it on Instagram, it’s like it never even happened.
Cancer
Saturday is for napping, Cancer. Seriously, there’s too much to be overstimulated about this weekend, so go ahead and give yourself permission to cancel plans on Friday and nest on Saturday. It’s actually a great chance to treat yourself to a home-cooked meal or visit with your fam, so go ahead and get that on the calendar if possible.
Leo
You’re feeling hella “meh” this weekend, Leo. Saturday, let someone else make the plans and you can just tag along for the ride. Try to avoid getting butthurt over anything, since you’ll be extra sensitive and likely to start sh*t when it just isn’t necessary. Sleep in on Sunday and eat waffles because you deserve it, champ.
Virgo
Time to pamper, Virgo. You haven’t given yourself permission to indulge and celebrate yourself in awhile, so take Saturday to go to the spa, mani-pedi your sh*t, and then buy shoes or whatever. It’ll help take your mind of how BLAH you’ve been feeling about your relationship lately, too. Don’t worry—by Monday, you’ll be feeling on the up and up.
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