Spring forward, kids. We’re all super excited to lose an hour of sleep and life this weekend, so get ready to embrace the shortest weekend ever. Whether the planets want you to focus on your relationship (see: trying not to complain about his inability to empty the dishwasher), enjoy the outdoors (ugh), or re-examine your career (someone pay me to do nothing), there’s no time like the present for jumping on this sh*t.

Pisces

Commit to taking better care of yourself starting this weekend, Pisces. That could mean letting yourself have the pizza once in awhile, going to that f*cking hot spin class, or just making sure you wash your hair every three days. On Sunday, the moon is highlighting all things romance, so if you’re wifed up, head out for drinks and something sweet, like a brownie sundae at Applebee’s. If you’re single, set aside an hour for swiping through Ship with a glass of wine in hand.

Aries

Time to get creative, Aries. Take one of those wine and painting classes with your girlfriends, or just break into that ceramics class at the art center up the block. Even if your artistic abilities are around the third grade level, just have some f*cking fun. Sunday you may feel pulled between your own creative pursuits and the needs of someone else (like your SO and his inability to meal prep for himself), but it’s okay to try and split time between the two.

Taurus

Be a domestic goddess, Taurus. Spend the weekend doing all the nest sh*t that you normally put off, like Windexing the bathroom mirrors and steam cleaning your kitchen floor. Once that’s all spick and span, have some friends over for a fancy dinner party. Or, like, just order pizza and point out to the delivery guy that you cleaned and require validation.

Gemini

It’s a great time to learn some sh*t, Gemini. Sign up for an online course in anthropology, or, if that’s a total waste of time, try to pick up those Duolingo French lessons again, mon petit cochon. It’s also a great time to get creative with your side hustles, so don’t be afraid to pick back up your Tumblr. I’m sure everyone is stoked to read it again.

Cancer

Look at your finances, Cancer. Maybe avoid checking your 401(k) or stock options, since the Coronavirus has that sh*t on a steady decline. Instead, review your savings and credit cards and make sure you’re saving and not putting yourself in a debt hole. If you’re being responsible, feel free to book a spa appointment for Sunday. You earned it, champ.

Leo

Time to soak up your own awesomeness, Leo. Whether it means getting together with your most positive, complimentary friends, communing with nature, or calling your mom and asking her to remind you how great she thinks you are, this weekend is all about recognizing that you’re, like, really swell. Spend Saturday celebrating with sweatpants and Taco Bell. Sunday is for online shopping and hitting “buy” on that totally frivolous purchase you’ve been putting off.

Virgo

Do nothing, Virgo. Seriously, some weekends are best for staying in, ordering Postmates, perusing celebrity Instas, and not putting on makeup. This is one of those times. After all that r&r on Saturday, it’s totally fine to head out with your SO on Sunday for a much-needed date night. If you’re single, call a sibling and catch up or take your mom out to dinner. She loves to hang out with you.

Libra

Friday and Saturday will be all about socializing, Libra, and you def need it after the week you’ve had. Grab drinks and catch up on gossip with your besties at a new spot in town. You may run into someone interesting, too. Come Sunday, the moon in Virgo will be pushing you to leave everyone on read while you re-calibrate and prepare for the week ahead.

Scorpio

It’s a good time to think about your work-life balance, or lack thereof, Scorpio. Do some sittin’ and thinkin’ about how happy your 9 to 5 actually makes you when you come home on Friday. If all signs point to “not f*cking happy”, spend Saturday finessing your resume and sending it around to some new options. On Sunday, you’ll want to socialize, so meet up with friends and talk through the whole job and career debacle. You may be surprised what they have to say.

Sagittarius

Get out of your comfort zone this weekend, Sagittarius. You don’t have to sign up for skydiving or agree to an orgy with your SO; it can be as simple as forcing yourself to go to that abstract art gallery with your bestie who’s into that sh*t. On Sunday, check your work email early or start on that project you know your boss is going to ask about. Having a leg up will actually help you out this week.

Capricorn

It’s all about connecting on a sexy level this weekend, Capricorn. If you have a partner, spend Friday night getting to know them on a truly intimate level. You don’t have to break out any whips or butt plugs, unless you’re into that—just try to communicate without giggling when it comes to their wants. If you aren’t paired up, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Go on that date or say hi to that weirdo across the bar. It may end up better than you think.

Aquarius

Time for a weekend getaway with your partner or a best friend, Aquarius. Self-care is awesome, but this is a great weekend to put someone else first and try to enjoy the things they enjoy. So, if that means watching college baseball or hiking or pretending to understand the stock market, f*cking suck it up this weekend. Sunday provides a great opportunity to grow your relationship and take it to the next level, so try not to be a d*ck.

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The good news: the sun is headed into Mercury this week, which guides all of our communications. The bad news: Mercury is also in retrograde, which can bring on misunderstandings and technical snafus. Basically, don’t be surprised if you have at least one painfully awkward experience this week that you’ll think about randomly right before you’re about to fall asleep for the rest of your life. You know, like that time in second grade when you called your teacher “mom.” Humiliating.

Aries

The Sun’s alignment with Mercury might open up an old wound this week, Aries. That sh*t you’ve been keeping buried for the past decade? Yeah, it’s coming to the surface. Time to deal with it before it continues to eat away at you and ultimately is the reason you have arthritis in your fifties.

Taurus

Awkward social situations abound, Taurus. You’re in serious danger of committing a faux pas this week. You might put your foot in your mouth at a party. You might accidentally Slack the entire company that Karen from HR is being “particularly f*cking annoying today” when you meant to just send it to your work wife. Oops.

Gemini

You’re feeling highly creative this week, Gemini. All of your ideas are amazing, and they just can’t stop coming. In fact, you might want to get on of those waterproof notebooks for your bathroom. Your next shower app idea could end up being the next TikTok (which was once the next Vine).

Cancer

You’re feeling more than a little stressed about your future this week, Cancer. You’re not sure which path to take (thanks Mercury), and have been spending wayyy too much time overthinking and projecting into the future. There’s no use spending all day worrying about whether or not your future child should learn Spanish or Mandarin. Especially not when your best prospect for a future co-parent is leaving you on read today. Perspective.

Leo

Mercury has you feeling stressed and out of sorts. Here’s a revolutionary idea: let people help you. Crazy, I know, but it’s lowkey what friends are for. Reach out to a buddy and see if you can come over with a bottle of wine and just vent for a little bit. Any friend that’s worth the space they take up in your phone will naturally say yes, and you can happily return the favor next time they’re having an existential crisis.

Virgo

This week will bring clarity on a relationship that’s been confusing you, Virgo, thank the Lord. Mercury is helping you to step back and re-evaluate, even though retrograde is making it hard for you to make decisions right now. Make note of any insights you have this week, but don’t feel too bad about procrastinating your decision making another week.

Libra

Libras will find it harder to stick to their normal schedule this week, due to Mercury’s general f*ckering in Pisces. You’re hitting the snooze button one too many times. You’re missing your weekly gym appointment. Go with the flow and don’t beat yourself up too badly just because you didn’t hit your step goal every day this week. Even Rihanna has off days (we assume).

Scorpio

You might hear from someone from your past this week, Scorpio. An ex lover, or worse yet, an ex boss could come around looking to dredge up old issues, under the guise of meeting for coffee “just to chat!” Take their offer into consideration, but remember you don’t owe anyone your time just because you had a good texting relationship 5+ years ago. Unless you were the one who was an asshole, in which case, maybe you should hear them (but definitely give yourself a hard out in case you have to escape mid-convo.)

Sagittarius

Time to extend an olive branch, Sagittarius. If there are some lingering resentments within your inner circle, the time to make amends is now. The stars are aligned for you to heal some old wounds this week with someone who is very close to you. So yes, it might be time to admit that you are the one who lost your sister’s favorite sweater in 2007, and it was wrong of you to blame it on the dog. RIP Fluffy.

Capricorn

You feel like you’re taking crazy pills this week, Capricorn! Mercury has brought on the misunderstandings, miscommunications, and general dumb f*ckery, and you were over it like, yesterday. Try not to blame yourself for the awkwardness Mercury in retrograde brings. Soon things will be back to normal and you won’t feel like tearing your hair out every time your coworker makes a bad joke in a meeting that could have been an email.

Aquarius

Put the credit card down, Aquarius! Mercury has you blowing past your budget this week, and you’re in danger of engaging in some serious overspending. Like, do you really need a new jade roller? Okay, stupid question, of course you do. Carry on…

Pisces

Mercury is in retrograde in your sign, Pisces, which is having the odd effect of making you shut the f*ck up for once. You’re thinking before you speak this week, and it’s actually saving you from the social f*ckups that are plaguing all of the other signs. Just make sure you’re not so quiet you start to give off serial killer vibes. Nobody wants that.

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Valentine’s Day is over, winter is on its way out, and spring is on the horizon. It’s almost time for us all to collectively freak out about our summer bodies, frequent the gym for a few weeks, then give up and accept ourselves for the way we are, while shrieking “any body in a bikini is a bikini body!” Ah, the circle of life. All that sh*t aside, the stars and planets are pushing all of us to bask in our self-confidence and share the happy vibes, so hopefully your weekend will be full of mimosas and sexy times instead of stained sweats and leftover takeout. Read on to see what the stars have in store for you.

Pisces

Alone time is the name of the game this weekend, Pisces. Turn inward and do some meditation or jot down your feelings in a journal as soon as you get off work Friday and all day Saturday. By Sunday, the new moon will have you feeling fresh af and you’ll be ready to join the waking world once more. Meet up with friends for an afternoon alcoholic bev to take the edge off the Sunday scaries.

Aries

Head out to dinner with your besties on Friday night, Aries. After this week, a little bit of time to unwind over deep fried sticks of cheese is exactly what you need. Sh*t, if you’re really feeling it, have an adults-only sleepover with your besties into Saturday. Wake up, drink all the mimosas, and just relax with the betches that get you. Sunday will bring a need for you time, so get all the fun out before then.

Taurus

You got your mind on your money this weekend, Taurus. Or, rather, on your career and its ability to support your lifestyle. Do some tough thinking this weekend about your job and whether it’s the right choice for you in the long run. Come Sunday, you’ll be craving one-on-one time with someone who really gets you, be it a best friend or your SO, so be sure and make time for something other than delivery and Netflix.

Gemini

Time to try something new, Gemini. Use this weekend to get out and explore your own backyard (not like, literally) and visit some restaurants, galleries, hiking trails—whatever—within 30 minutes of your abode. It’ll do you good to familiarize yourself with what’s directly around you instead of venturing far out for everything all the time. Sunday, you’ll want to stick close to home and get a head start on work emails before Monday. It’s going to be a sh*tty week, LOL.

Cancer

Time to buckle up and get ready for tax season, Cancer. It’s a great weekend to review the trust fund you wish you had, your v sad checking account, and the credit card debt you racked up when you were abroad. Spend Saturday covered in your W2s and receipts so that Sunday can be a time of alcohol and magic!

Leo

It’s all about partnership this weekend, Leo. The stars and planets want you to forge (or strengthen) genuine connections between you and your SO or you and a new mate on Friday and Saturday night, so plan to get out and have actual conversations with other human beings. It isn’t all for nothing, either, since Sunday you’ll be feeling sassy and ready to sleep in with your partner—trying out weird sex positions. Good for you, sweetie.

Virgo

It’s all about what makes you happy this weekend, Virgo. Spend Friday night and Saturday making pro and con lists about the things in life that you love versus what you want to see change. If your SO isn’t on the con side, spend Sunday letting them know how much you love and appreciate them, what they do that makes you happy, and how when they leave you the last piece of pizza it makes you love them a little more.

Libra

Get creative with how you spend your weekend, Libra. Instead of the usual brunch and binge-watching, try to get out and do something different. Whether it’s a picnic in the freezing February weather, embarrassing yourself on a hike, or making time to visit your in-laws without having a panic attack, you need to go outside your comfort zone. Sunday will be all about self-care and you time, so you have that to look forward to.

Scorpio

Clean your f*cking house, Scorpio. Spending time dusting and vacuuming may seem like a horrible way to spend a Saturday, but you can do it while soaking up time with your SO or immediate family, too. Plus, you’ll feel more able to indulge in some creative pursuits come Sunday if there aren’t clothes, laundry, and dirty dishes everywhere.

Sagittarius

It’s a great weekend to take that pottery class you’ve been too nervous to get involved with, Sagittarius. The stars are aligning to highlight the most creative-leaning parts of you, so getting involved in something artsy fartsy will bode well this Saturday. By Sunday, you’ll be itching to take care of some home clean up, so don’t feel weird about canceling plans so you can reorganize your bathroom drawers.

Capricorn

You’ll be hyper-focused on stuff this weekend, Capricorn, meaning your material possessions, of which, yeah, you have a lot. Spend Saturday de-cluttering and organizing into piles of consign, donate, and omg-please-trash. Getting rid of those jeans that haven’t fit you for roughly six years is hard but necessary. By Sunday, you’ll feel emotionally lighter and should reward yourself with some boozy cocktails.

Aquarius

Spread the love this weekend, Aquarius, and by that we mean share your good vibes—don’t like, go home with a diff stranger every night. Or do, we’re not judging. Reach out to that friend that always feels a little down on her luck and is kind of a drag. Your attitude will make her feel lighter and happier. Sunday you can save all the good vibes for yourself, though, and indulge in some Taco Bell and Bachelor reruns.

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This weekend, the planets are telling all of us, collectively, to take some much needed “us” time. That means ignoring your friends’ dating problems, your mom’s Rotary Club dilemmas, and your bestie’s sixteenth attempt at “really getting into hot yoga.”

The stars want you to buy some plaid sh*t from J.Crew from the sanctity of your couch and with one hand firmly grasping a piece of pizza, a Taco Bell party box (for one, please), or whatever kind of piping hot junk food your heart desires. That, or they just have some f*cked up way of telling us to be open to whatever the universe has in store. Grool.

Libra

Take time to breathe this weekend, Libra. You’ve been stuck between wanting some “me” time, taking care of your partner or bestie, and dealing with the cleaning nightmare that is your apartment. Focus on that sh*t on Saturday night and Sunday, and take Friday and Saturday morning for you. Head to a solo brunch, get a mani/pedi, or, if you’re f*cking weird, I guess take a nice relaxing yoga class.

Scorpio

Like Kanye, you need the weekend to express your creative genius, Scorpio. Saturday, do something creative like attending a woodworking class or culinary workshop. F*ck, try out a new brownie recipe without actually following a recipe. Whatever you do, let your inner artist shine, fam.

Sagittarius

Everyone is picking up on your hella positive vibes, Sagittarius, so don’t shut yourself away this weekend. The sun and Mars are sittin’ in Libra, making your social and friendship-y feels go off the charts, so it’s a great weekend to go apple picking, wear a scarf to brunch, and do other v basic fall sh*t with your besties.

Capricorn

Time to pay attention to everyone and everything, Capricorn. This weekend will be a balancing act between getting some much needed you time, calling your mom and assuring her you’re eating well (and not scrounging for leftover pizza in the back of your fridge), and telling your boss yes, you can totally work on that project over the weekend. It’s all doable, but try not to burn yourself out. Make time Friday night to kick off the weekend with a drink and dinner with your beau or bestie, then dive into the clusterf*ck that is your to-do list. Adulthood is so fun.

Aquarius

As Captain Planet would say, “the power is YOURRRRSSSSSS!” this weekend, Aquarius, thanks to some planets doing some alignments filling you with tons of adventure energy. It’s a great weekend for doing out-of-the-box sh*t with your friends, so try to ditch the usual brunch and bullsh*t Saturday morning that’s been your group’s go-to for awhile. You could go the basic route and do the whole apple picking and fall thing, or you could head out to the mountains to stare at leaves changing. Sounds v fetch to us.

Pisces

It’s the perfect weekend to do new sh*t, Pisces. Get cultural and see a foreign-language movie with a friend so you can try to read subtitles in the dark. Saturday is a perfect day for exploring other cultures in the form of food, so try something that truly terrifies you culinary-wise. It doesn’t have to be still-wriggling seafood or like, illegally caught fish, though.

Aries

Starting Friday and Saturday with a jog will put your weekend into a better focus, Aries. Exercising sucks, but burning off some steam can definitely help when it comes to butting heads with your partner or close family members. Plus, Mars is pushing you HARD to focus on commitment—whether it’s your current relationship or pursuing a new one. Set time aside for dates and sexy times, fam.

Taurus

Dreams are something to actually pay attention to this weekend, Taurus. Sure, that recurring nightmare where all your teeth fall out and you turn into a Kardashian is especially terrifying, but what does it mean? The sun and Mars in Libra are also pushing you to do a pulse check on your health and well-being (see what I did there?), so try to take a hard look at your diet and exercise on Saturday and Sunday to see if you can make any easy improvements without making yourself miserable.

Gemini

Time for some motherf*cking romance, Gemini. The sun and Mars in Libra are stirring up your passion and love center, which translates to date night with your SO on Friday or Saturday, followed by some v weird (but cool) bedroom sh*t. If you’re single, gtfo of the house, knock back a shot, and flirt your ass off. You’re like, pretty irresistible at the moment (thanks, space and planets), so everything cosmically is working in your favor.

Cancer

Stay away from drama this weekend, Cancer. There’s a strong potential that friends and family will try to drag you into some sticky sh*t, but you need to focus (especially on Saturday) on self-care and creativity. That could mean everything from letting your phone die (okay, but not rly) and binging some British baking shows or eating a party pack of tacos meant for 4-6 people. Do you.

Leo

The moon in Aries has you feeling energetic and ready to tackle some long-overdue sh*t this weekend, Leo. It’s actually prime time on Saturday to indulge in a staycation and explore your own neighborhood. Head to that restaurant you’ve been putting off visiting for months. Then, come Sunday, turn your focus to doing some creative house sh*t, like painting a mural in your bathroom. You’ll probably hate it later, but the planets do what they want, fam.

Virgo

Use this weekend to learn some sh*t, Virgo. Grab a friend or your SO and hit the road to explore the countryside, where leaves are changing, tourists are snapping v basic pictures, and you can try apples in just about anything. It’s also a great weekend to learn some sh*t, so set aside Sunday to watch a YouTube video about, like, changing the oil in your car or something.

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Well fam, it’s officially August, and, therefore, an appropriate time to begin buying fall clothes, planning Halloween costumes, preparing for Thanksgiving, going Christmas shopping, and making your New Year’s resolutions.

While this year has kind of flown by, rest assured that your weekend won’t. We’ve got planets and stars doing all kinds of wacky sh*t, but it looks like, after some messy Friday and Saturday experiences, Sunday will be sloooow and chill for the majority of us.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Leo

The weekend is set up for success, Leo. Friday will be a professionally satisfying work day, so going out to slam a few glasses of celebratory wine are def in order. Saturday and Sunday offer a taste of true relaxation, so don’t fight the urge to kick back at home with a good book or Netflix series.

Virgo

The moon in your sign means all eyes are on you, Virgo. Stop being so humble and soak up your own awesomeness as you head into the weekend. You may end up spending some of the weekend helping your SO or a parent (or sibling) with a project or cleaning activity, but try to take it in stride. By Sunday, projects will be wrapped up and you’ll be in a great position for a friendly lunch date or meetup with friends.

Libra

Get ready for a weekend of soul-searching, Libra. The moon is all about f*cking with you, so you’ll be feeling hella introspective on Friday and Saturday. You can (and should) learn from your past (just like you learn what you can and can’t eat before running distance), but be cognizant of some not-chill memories that may pop up, too. The time machine in your mind takes a break by Sunday, though, and you’ll be able to socialize with friends without being weirdly introverted.

Scorpio

This week has been wild in the romance department, Scorpio, and not really in the fun way. By Friday, things will have chilled tf out, and you and your SO can enjoy a night out (or in) without any drama. Turns out, all those emotions will translate into a pretty amazing sex life over the weekend, so whether you’re wifed up or single, make good choices and have fun, sweetie.

Sagittarius

Jupiter is making moves in your sign, Sagittarius. For the weekend outlook, you’ll be itching to drop everything (including money) on a spa getaway or spontaneous trip. That’s super Insta-worthy, but try to take a peek at your bank account before just pulling the trigger. Balance is key. You can still have fun without breaking the bank (or going into debt).

Capricorn

Pluto and Saturn have teamed up in your sign, Capricorn, but it isn’t bad news. This weekend, you’ll be all about finding a cause, like becoming the recycling champ of your town or some sh*t, and showing everyone how dedicated you are. You may also meet some interesting new folks as a result. If you’re single, there’s potential for a romantic match on Saturday. We hope you don’t actually meet them while you’re like, cleaning trash, though.

Aquarius

Friday and Saturday have deep sh*t in store, Aquarius. You may find yourself having borderline scary talks with your SO or bestie about life, death, and the future. If you’re having these discussions with a partner, you may (weirdly) find that they lead to a LOT of passion. If not, you’ll feel renewed regardless. Thanks to the tumultuous talks, though, Sunday promises to be much more chill, and you can veg out without feeling bad about it.

Pisces

The moon in Virgo weirdly puts you in the hot seat when it comes to relationships, Pisces. You’ll be focusing on friendships, romances, and family ties Friday and Saturday, with little mental capacity to do anything else. You can totally drown it out with alcohol or let it ride—live your truth, fam. Use your strong grip on reality to center yourself and calm tf down.

Aries

You’ve got a sh*tload of energy this weekend, Aries, and you’re gonna end up pushing it out into coaching others. Whether your posse needs life advice, relationship advice, or what-show-should-I-binge-next advice, you’ll be all about dishing your info Friday and Saturday. By Sunday, you’ll be f*cking tired, and may feel like you overdid it, but you can rest assured no one took it that way. Pay extra attention to your SO or bestie on Sunday, too, as they’ll be feeling a lil needy.

Taurus

Plan a romantic f*cking weekend, Taurus, either with your SO or yourself. Yes, really. Romance in generally may feel all over the damn place on Friday (thanks, Venus), so Saturday may be the best time for a date or romantic getaway.

Gemini

So emotional, Gemini. Friday and Saturday are going to feel like a real feelings rollercoaster, so be sure to focus on the positive aspects of all of your relationships to avoid a total meltdown. The moon in Virgo is actually going to bring some demanding feelings-related sh*t your way Friday and Saturday, be it with a partner or your parents, so be sure to make time for some relaxing activities come Sunday.

Cancer

You’re in a showy mood when it comes to loved ones. In other words, words may fail this weekend thanks to the moon in Virgo, so you’ll be all about physical displays of affection. It’ll actually pay off on Friday and continue through Saturday, so think of it as a blessing in disguise.

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