Swimwear shopping is the fucking worst. Even Kendall Jenner has tried on a one piece unflattering enough to make her question her entire existence. (Okay, maybe not. IDK, I’m just trying to make us all feel good.) That’s why I hate that “how to get a bikini body” meme that’s like, “step one: put a bikini on your body.” That’s just not how life works. Unless you’re a celebrity that can somehow profit off of indecent exposure when suffering a wardrobe malfunction at the beach, getting the right swimwear for your body is important. Here are the best swimwear styles to
outfit your next thirst trap flatter your body.
To Show Off Your Boobs Without Risking A Nip Slip
Rock a simple triangle bikini. Have you ever noticed that Kim Kardashian is almost always wearing a triangle bikini? It’s because it’s the most flattering style for anyone with huge boobs. Bandeaus and other strapless styles just won’t stay up (you lucky bitch). Triangles are also awesome because the classic ties won’t cut into your back the way a top with a clasp would. It kind of sucks to have to worry about potential back fat situations, but it’s what you get for not having to stuff your bra in middle school.
Becca by Rebecca Virtue Triangle Top
Definitely stay away from: Any style with underwire or padding. It will just create extra bulk that you don’t need. Even most triangle bikinis are loaded up with a bunch of padding that can make your boobs a super weird shape, so removing that is probs in your best interest.
To Get People To Comment The Peach Emoji On Your Instagram
Go for a suit with a high leg cut, duh. This silhouette basically does the same thing for your butt as a thong, but it’s a one piece, so it’s not as shameless… if you care about that kind of thing.
Definitely stay away from: Those bottoms that pretty much give you a permawedgie. You know, the scrunchy ones with ruffles and the elastic down the middle? They’re fugly and not even the most flattering design for your butt.
To Celebrate Your Spot In The Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Pick a really cool high neck top. High neck bikini tops can be so tough to pull off, but betches with small boobs can make them look better than anyone else. The tan lines are going to be totally brutal and I really have no way to sugarcoat that, so you’re just going to have to deal with it, I guess.
Rhythm Havana Floral Print High Neck Bikini Top
Definitely stay away from: Triangle tops. IDK, I barely passed geometry, but I’m going to guess that triangles are not the best shape for small boobs.
To Subtly Brag About Your Hourglass Shape
Wear a one piece. Literally almost every single one piece looks amazing on anyone who’s curvy and thankfully there are currently tons of one pieces available at the moment because designers have realized that everyone’s totally obsessed with them. If you have trouble fitting your boobs into one pieces, try one with lace up details or some kind of adjustable fastening down the middle, which will give you some control.
Aila Blue Spirit One Piece Swimsuit
Definitely stay away from: Suits with lots of cutouts. It’s so rare to find one with cutouts that actually reveal the bits of skin you’d like to show off. Opt for a suit with an interesting back design or a plunging neckline to keep it ~scandalous~.